Original subtitles

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

Helen... Helen, what a nice surprise. What are you doing here?

Oh, well, a grandmother shouldn't need an excuse

to come and see her precious and beloved grandkids.

Or her favorite son or his wonderful wife,

who's brought such happiness to our family.

Oh, God, Mom, you're not dying, are you?

Oh, Frank, no, relax.

-I'm fine. -[FRANK EXHALES SHARPLY]

I did drive over for a reason, though.

I have decided to give all of you

an advance on your inheritance.

Yes! Yes, yes! I'm rich, I'm rich!

My ship has finally come in!

Take it easy, J.T.

You get no cash till I croak.

What I'm talking about is taking all of you

on a little trip the first week of summer vacation.

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

Well, gee, Mom, that's really generous of you,

but you see, Carol and I already have plans

to celebrate our anniversary that week.

Yeah, Frank is taking me to a romantic

little bed and breakfast in the mountains.

So, what are you saying?

So our happiness gets sacrificed

so you two can go play

the forest ranger and the lonely wood nymph?

Well, now, look,

if you have other plans, I understand.

I certainly do.

It's just that I thought the kids would enjoy

a week at Walt Disney World.

-Disney World? Whoa. -Oh, my goodness.

Hey, bag their anniversary, we're going to Florida.

Yeah, you guys are too old to have sex anyway.

No, no, no, wait. Now just a minute, kids.

If your parents have other plans,

it's only fair to leave the decision up to them.

So, they can go on their own vacation,

or we can all go to Disney World.

KIDS: We're going to Disney World!

-[THEME MUSIC PLAYING] -[SCREAMING]

MAN: ♪ The dream got broken

♪ Seemed like all was lost

♪ What would be the future?

♪ Could you pay the cost?

♪ You wonder

♪ Will there ever be

♪ A second time around?

WOMAN: ♪ Woah-a, woah-a

♪ When the tears are over

♪ And the moment has come

♪ Say, "My Lord I think I found someone"

♪ You know it will be better

♪ 'Cause you're putting it together

♪ For the second time around

ALL: ♪ Step by step, day by day

WOMAN: ♪ Day by day

ALL: ♪ A fresh start over

♪ A different hand to play

♪ The deeper we fall

♪ The stronger we stay

WOMAN: ♪ We'll make it better

MAN: ♪ The second time around ♪

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[CHATTERING]

Okay, everybody, we've got a big week ahead,

so let's get settled.

Girls, I want you in the back bedroom.

And, boys, you will be on the pull-out sofa.

And, Frank, you and I and Lilly will be in the master bedroom.

Yeah, yeah, gee, Ma, you sure you're gonna be okay

alone over there in that big condo?

Who says I'm going to be alone?

Come on, girls, I'll help you unpack,

and then I'll tell you all about the weekend in '53

when I tangoed with Ricardo Montalbán.

Ah, gee, honey, make her stop.

I don't wanna hear about her weekend "Fantasy Island" with Ricardo.

Oh, grow up, Frank. [CHUCKLES]

Okay, Lilly.

Hello, Lamberts.

It's me, the Halke-meister.

Whoo! Look at this place.

I was wondering when you guys would get here.

Hey, Rich, man, how was the pool?

Ooh, splendid. I think you all should join me for a dip.

Yeah, speaking of "dips."

What are you doing here?

Well, you know the money J.T. and I are saving to get an apartment together,

we just used a little bit of it to get me a bus fare out here.

Yeah, I invited Rich to stay with us.

Did I forget to tell you that?

Yes.

Oh, well, it worked out, 'cause he's here.

Hey!

So, where am I sleeping?

Well, you get to sleep

right over here on the sofa pull-out bed with J.T.

Man, I finally get a chance to sleep with somebody

and it's J.T.

Hey, Frank, you in here?

Flash?

Hey, J.T. Hey, Frank.

Hey, Rich.

Mark! Hey, Brendan.

-Hey, uh... -Isn't it awesome?

-I can't believe I found you. -Hey, Flash. [CHUCKLES]

What are you doing here?

Well, I was on my way to New Orleans for the blues festival,

and, um, well, I realized you left your hammer in my truck.

So I hung a Louie in Tupelo, and here I am.

You drove 500 miles to return a hammer?

It's a really nice hammer.

Hey, nice digs.

Maybe I oughta blow off that blues thing

and stay here with you.

You wanna stay here with us?

I'd love to.

Frank, you're the greatest!

I've always wanted to come to this place!

Hey, guys, slumber party!

[GROANS]

And then, oh, oh!

Do you wanna go do, um, the haunted house?

Oh, my God, that is so funny when you sit in there.

Oh, we have to go do that, too.

-It'll be so much fun. -Do you know who the perfect hunk is?

Prince Charming.

I'd like to party at his castle.

Karen, he's a cartoon character.

I mean, personally, I would rather go with a real man.

One of those guys that runs the jungle boat ride.

Hey, listen to what it says in this trivia book.

"Boris Petrikovsky from the Russian Republic of Uzbekistan

"set a record by visiting every attraction in the park

"in just under four days."

A Russian holds the record?

That's a disgrace.

This place is American like Mom, like apple pie,

like the ButtMaster.

I'm gonna break this Russian guy's record,

and bring the title back home where it belongs.

Look, guys, look, there it is!

-All right. -Let's go.

[CHATTERING]

Oh, Frank, this is gonna be great.

Yeah, well, honey, I wanted to spend our anniversary alone.

Yeah, well, maybe we can be alone.

You know, our kids are old enough to go off on their own,

and your mother said she'd be glad to watch the baby.

So why don't you and I take a ride on Peter Pan's Flight?

-Oh, wow, a kiddie ride. -No, no, no.

Actually, it's a slow-moving fantasy ride in the dark.

And, you know, when you and I are alone in the dark,

it's adults-only.

I like the way you think, Tinker Bell.

I'll go get the stroller,

and then you and I can make our way to Fantasyland.

-[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS] -Yes!

Oh, Ma, Ma! Hey!

Frank, Frank, I know I said I'd watch the baby for you,

but today is not a good day.

Jean-Claude and I have plans.

Jean-Claude? Well, where did Jean-Claude come from?

France.

He was on the ferry.

Doesn't speak a word of English.

Guess we'll just have to use body language.

Ma, I don't wanna hear about your love life, okay?

-[SIGHS] We go. -Yeah.

-Hey, Dad, we're going on the rides. -Yeah, okay.

-Here, hold my shirt. -Yeah, and my backpack.

-Oh, and my makeup bag. -Hey, I'm not your pack mule, you know?

-Here, Frank, hold my camera, okay? -And my poncho, please?

Come on, come on, come on.

-Dad, here you go. -Thanks, Mr. L.

♪ Yo-ho, yo-ho, a pirate's life for me ♪

♪ We something and pillage and pieces of eight ♪

♪ And ships and... ♪

Oh, I love this ride.

You know the little dog with the keys in his mouth?

-He's real, man. -Get out of here, man.

-I swear. I saw him breathing. -What are you talking about?

Ahoy, matey.

Wenches off the starboard bow.

Aye, let's send up a signal and see if they're friendly.

Argh. Aye.

[GROWLS]

Hey, hey, love the movie.

Whoo-hoo!

Uh, excuse us, ladies.

We couldn't help notice you look a little lost.

Is there anything we can do to help?

[SIGHS] Yeah, we're trying to decide where to eat lunch,

but this map is so confusing.

Oh, allow me. Let's see here.

We got Italian, seafood, and Chinese.

-What's your pleasure? -Well, I hear Pinetta's is really great.

But it's really expensive.

I'd give anything to eat there.

Oh, really?

Well, ladies, this just happens to be your lucky day,

because I happen to own Pinetta's.

[MUMBLES]

It's okay, Rich.

I think we can trust the ladies with our little secret.

Are you serious? You own Pinetta's?

Actually, the family does.

And everything else around here.

Allow me to introduce myself.

My name is J.T. Disney.

Oh, really?

As in Walt Disney?

Well, I don't like to talk about it much.

I still miss him.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Oh, this is my, uh, business associate

and bodyguard, Rich Halke.

Hi, it's nice to meet you.

Mr. Disney, might I have a word with you alone?

Certainly. Okay. Here you go.

When we come back, we'll head over to Pinetta's.

Great.

Hey, are you nuts?!

J.T. Disney?

All right, man, so maybe I exaggerated just a little bit.

Man, come on, I had to do something to impress these girls.

Look at them, they're gorgeous.

J.T., we're on a very strict budget here.

We can't afford some pricey restaurant.

Rich, you know what they say about money.

You have to spend it to make it.

And if we wanna make it with these girls,

-we're gonna have to spend it. -Oh, I see what you're saying.

You spend it, you make it.

Ah, yeah, buddy.

Stick with me, and you'll find a whole new meaning

to the words "Orlando Magic."

Ooh!

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[BOTH GRUNT]

All right.

Ah, I love my park.

That was a really great lunch, J.T.,

but, um, why did the waiter laugh

when I called you "Mr. Disney"?

[CHUCKLES]

That's 'cause he's got a laughing disorder.

So, uh, where do you ladies wanna go this afternoon?

We'd love to go to Epcot.

I think you can catch the bus right over there.

Ah, wait a second, wait a second.

A bus? No, no, no.

J.T. Disney does not ride in a bus.

[WHISTLES]

Your carriage awaits, ladies.

A limo? For us?

Yeah, but you'd better hurry up and get in it,

because at midnight, it turns into a pumpkin.

[LAUGHING] Come on.

Excuse me.

[CHUCKLES]

Where did this come from?

I went to the phone and ordered it while we were at lunch.

Man, you are never gonna pull this off.

No one in the park is going to believe you're J.T. Disney.

Besides, we've been saving up a long time

for this money for our apartment,

and you're blowing it like crazy.

Rich, will you just relax, buddy?

I'm just taking a little seed money so love will grow, okay?

Yeah, well, you're certainly putting enough fertilizer on it.

Come on, man.

Flash, what are you doing?

Yeah, you'll never break that Russian guy's record

if you're just sitting around.

What are you talking about?

I've already done 23 rides, and it's only two o'clock.

MARK: It's not just the rides.

It says here that Boris "not only went on all 107 rides,

"but he also ate at all 197 restaurants and food carts,

"and shopped at each of the 177 souvenir stands."

In four days?

Oh, no. I'm doomed.

I'm gonna let my country down.

I'm going to be the worst thing that happened to America

since Roseanne sang the National Anthem.

Get a hold of yourself, man.

It's not too late. We can still do this.

How?

Oh, Brendan, you hit up the Advance Team

and hold Flash's place in line on all the rides.

Flash, activate your cell phone,

and I'll set up communications and monitor your progress

at Disney Ride Central.

-Can you do that? -Are you kidding?

I'm sure they want the title back on American soil just as much as we do.

-Let's do it. -All right.

Yeah.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

FLASH: Okay, as soon as I'm done with Astro Orbiter,

I'm on my way to Alien Encounter.

MARK: Negative, repeat, that's a negative, Flash.

Plans have changed on Alien Encounter.

Access route is impeded, parade in progress.

Repeat, parade in progress.

Please choose alternate route going through Fantasyland

and proceed directly to Jungle Cruise.

-Over. -Roger, Mission Control.

Changing coordinates to Adventureland.

Come on, come on. It just started.

Hi, there, jungle boy.

[GROWLS]

All right, Flash, once you exit the teacups,

proceed directly to Liberty Square for refueling.

Um, Houston, we have a problem.

Food intake impossible.

G forces have my stomach set on hurl.

Negative, Flash. Do not hurl. Suck it up.

We have 179 food locations to go.

Put Fantasyland on the master.

More coffee, Mr. Foster?

Thanks, Julie.

It's gonna be a long day.

All right, Flash, you've done all you can at the Magic Kingdom for today.

So give your souvenirs to Brendan,

and catch the 5:02 monorail and please proceed to Epcot.

Hey, Innoventions Orbit completed.

Any chance I could sit down for dinner?

MARK: [ON PHONE] Negative on the sit down, Flash.

Proceed to Nine Dragons Restaurant,

Advance Team has shrimp lo mein waiting for you.

Ten-four.

Not that way, the other way.

Ten-five. Ten-five.

I love this!

Okay, Lilly's finally down.

-Kids are asleep. -Yeah.

That's nice, honey.

Say, Carol, does that little dog

in the Pirates of the Caribbean look real to you?

Actually, I had another attraction in mind.

-[KISSES] -[MOANING]

Yes, it's called "Mrs. Lambert's Wild Ride."

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

J.T.: Dad, Carol, you in there?

If we said no, would you go away?

[SIGHS]

Dad, the sofa bed's too small,

and Rich keeps putting his arm around me and calling me Monica.

You mind if I sack out in here tonight?

-Yes, we mind. -Okay, good.

Well, I'll just sleep in that big tub in the bathroom, 'kay?

[GROANING]

-[KNOCKS ON DOOR] -What?!

Can we sleep in here?

Yeah, Rich snores like a donkey with a sinus infection.

Hey, why'd everybody leave?

I'm lonely in there.

Oh, boy, Rich is here.

It's a slumber party.

Hey, cool! Thanks, Mr. L.

Whoo!

[STERNLY] Get out of the bed.

Getting out, Mr. L.

Ooh, hello, boys.

Mm, yes.

Beginning to see why they call it Pleasure Island.

-Howdy, girls. -Howdy.

Country music talent search Saturday night.

Y'all come, you'll have a good time.

-Hello, there. -"Country music talent search.

"Winner receives a $500 college scholarship.

"Backup band provided.

"Talent scouts in attendance."

Guys, this could be my big chance to be discovered.

That sounds great. I think you should go for it.

Yeah.

And you guys could be my backup singers.

Oh, yeah, that sounds great.

No, sorry, Karen. Country music is not my thing.

You know, I'm not the hootenanny,

rhinestone, big hair kind of gal.

Afternoon, ma'am.

Hmm, on second thought.

Yippie-o-ki-yay.

Hmm.

[CHATTERING]

Here you go.

Little something to remember us by.

That is until tonight when we make our own memories.

-Oh, thank you, J.T. -No problem.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some banking to do.

See you tonight.

Uh, so, what time should we meet you for dinner tonight?

Well, I don't know. Why don't we give you a little call later?

[GIGGLING]

Yeah, on the phone.

-Bye. -Bye, Rich.

Do you really believe that guy is J.T. Disney?

Oh, who cares? This trip isn't costing us a dime.

And we didn't even have to dip into our apartment fund.

-See you tonight. -Bye.

All right, man, we're all set for tonight.

I got cash and everything.

With any luck, by midnight, we'll be men, if you know what I mean.

I know what you mean, and I want to be a man just as much as you,

but this is gotta be costing us a bundle now.

-How much money do we have left? -I don't know.

You don't know?

What, you don't check the receipts when you take the money out?

No, man, I just keep track in my head.

Oh, God.

Give me that.

Oh, well, Mr. Disney,

would you care to make a guess

on how much money we have left in our account?

I don't know, about 800, 900 bucks?

[CHUCKLES]

Try $11.

Eleven dollars? How's that possible?

I'll tell you how it's possible.

Dinners, limos, giant stuffed animals,

a $50 tip to that mandolin guy to sing "That's Amore"!

We're broke, man! And it's all your fault!

-Oh, it's all my fault? -Yes!

Yeah, right, you didn't seem to mind spending the money

when Ashley was sucking on your neck in the Haunted Mansion.

Well, I didn't realize that hickey was costing me 1,000 bucks!

It took us a year to save up that money, man.

You blew it in two days.

You gotta be the most irresponsible jerk I've ever met.

If I'm such a jerk, why don't you get out of my face?

Oh, don't you worry, as soon as I can scrounge up enough money for bus fare,

I'm heading back to Port Washington and find myself a new friend.

[MUSIC PLAYING]