Original subtitles

A-H.

[LAUGHING]

"T-C-H-Y-E-A-H." What word is that?

Tchyeah!

Okay, then use it in a sentence.

To be or not to be, tchyeah.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'll get it.

we might as well count tchyeah.

That's right.

Hi, mister, I am selling cookies for the Buttercup Girls.

Will you buy some?

If you buy three boxes, I get a sticker album.

Ooh, I guess I could do that.

If you buy ten boxes, I get a teddy bear.

Ah, what the heck, it's for a good cause, huh?

If I sell a hundred boxes, I get a color TV.

Boy, I'd sure love a color TV

so I can watch educational programming.

Whoa, I don't think I got that much cash on me.

Uh, you take visa?

Hey, everybody, this guy's got visa!

[KIDS CHEERING]

Whoa!

There you are. Oh, yeah.

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

♪ The dream got broken

♪ Seemed like all was lost

♪ What would be the future?

♪ Could you pay the cost?

♪ You wonder

♪ Will there ever be

♪ A second time around?

♪ When the tears are over

♪ And the moment has come

♪ Say, "My Lord I think I found someone"

♪ And no one would be better

♪ 'Cause you're putting It together

♪ For the second time around

ALL: ♪ Step by step, day by day

WOMAN: ♪ Day by day

ALL: ♪ A fresh start over

♪ A different hand to play

♪ The deeper we fall

♪ The stronger we stay

WOMAN: ♪ We'll make it better

♪ The second time around ♪

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Hey, you're not supposed to eat that.

Dad wanted us to save that last Jell-O for him.

Hey, if dad wanted to keep food in the house

he shouldn't had seven kids.

Okay.

Hey, hey, where's my Jell-O?

Brendan ate it.

-Man. -Yeah, I told him not to.

He just kept throwing the cubes up in the air

and tried to catch 'em in his mouth.

Well, it must've been a horrible shot.

He got it all over your shirt.

Alright, dad, you got me. Ha-ha. I took the Jell-O.

Hey, but look on the bright side

I'm not in a street gang.

No gang would have you.

-Hey, Uncle Frank. -Yeah?

-Mail call. -Oh, thanks.

I also got you a complimentary case

of Buttercup Girl cookies. Ha ha.

You gotta try the mint, man, they'll go killer with that

cherry Jell-O you've been saving for yourself. [CHUCKLES]

Hey, Uncle Frank, what'd you do?

Throw the Jell-O at JT?

[LAUGHS]

Oh, here's a letter from the college

addressed to the parents of J.T. Lambert.

Oh, that's probably for me, that's the, uh, football tickets

I bought for this weekend's game.

But why would they send them to me?

Well, I guess they wanted to let you know

I was going to that game.

Give me that.

JT, this is an academic probation notice.

Oh, that's gotta be some kind of mistake, man.

I mean, they only send that to losers and slackers. I mean...

It says here you've got two Ds

an F and an incomplete.

[CODY WHISTLES]

[LAUGHING]

Oh, buddy, you got problems.

JT, how did this happen?

College is really unfair, I mean, you're supposed

to show up and turn in your homework

even though nobody is checking up on you.

I mean, they treat you like you're an adult.

I can't work that way.

This is not funny, JT.

I've got six other kids

I've gotta put through college.

if you don't try and do better than this.

If you don't buckle down and try better in school,

I'm gonna yank you out and make you get a job.

[LAUGHING] Bummer.

Ah, hey, look at the bright side JT, man. Ha ha.

With grades like that, you'll never get a job.

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Girls, oh, I was just reading the most interesting article

in this magazine. It's about this teenage girl

who didn't wait

until she was married

and it ruined her entire life.

Well, gee, mom, I wish I had seen that article

six to eight weeks ago.

Just kidding!

Hey, guys. You know my friend, Tina.

-Yeah, hi. -Hi.

Carol, we have a big favor to ask you.

-Sure. -Can you shave our heads?

And dye our scalps purple?

[SCOFFS] Is there some reason for this sudden interest

in looking like circus freaks?

We're just tired of blending in

with all these other girls at school, you know.

They're all boring and lame-o.

You know, like Dana and Karen.

I'll shave your head off.

Whoa! Maybe we could get tattoos.

Yeah, tattoos are really cool.

tattooing or any other aftermarket alterations done

to your bodies, okay?

[SNORING]

Keep it down. Studying in here.

Oh, JT, it's you.

No, man, I just dozed off.

I've been studying this stuff about five hours.

Five hours? That's impressive.

I had no idea you learned how to tell time.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Yeah, well, you're just a stupidhead.

I'm very good when I first wake up.

-JT. -Hey, Rich.

-How's that broken foot? -What broken foot?

Oh, fine, fine, fine.

Listen, I just brought us something

that's gonna make us both very happy.

I have in my hand tomorrow's history test

complete with answers.

Man, where did you get that?

Remember the money I was saving up for a tutor?

I bought a cheat sheet instead.

And I made you a copy.

-Oh, man, you got the answers? -Yeah.

Look, man, look, I don't wanna use that.

I don't wanna cheat. Here.

Why not?

Because I have been studying.

[LAUGHING]

Studying? That's a good one. "I've been studying."

[BLABBERING]

like a thousand times. I think I finally got it down.

[CHUCKLES] JT, your, your dad is gonna pull you

out of school if you flunk this test.

This is no time to start relying on your brain.

Rich, I am telling you, man, I am ready for this test.

[LAUGHING] Stop that! Geez!

Now, look, all I'm saying is why take a chance?

We have a sure thing right here, man.

I mean, think about it.

Here, sure thing. Here, big gamble.

Forget it, Rich, I am not usin' this thing, alright?

JT, you are passing up a chance of a lifetime.

Opportunity is knocking.

For God sake, man, answer the door!

Rich, rela-relax, man, relax.

For the first time in my life I'm doin' something right.

I'm not gonna screw it up.

Fine, fine, go ahead.

Take the test legit. See if I care.

is not college material anyway.

-Yes, yes, yes. -What's up, JT?

Finally figured out that little hole in your underpants

goes in the front?

No, but check this out.

Question is, do you know what that is?

And can you name a word that begins with that letter?

I could think of two.

Bite me, Barky.

So, what was this, a true and false test

and you guessed and got lucky?

All 500 pages.

What's this?

I don't know, what is it?

Mm-hmm, looks like a cheat sheet.

Complete with the answers.

Hey, hey, th-that's not mine.

Let me guess, LAPD planted it on you.

No. Look, you don't understand.

Well, Rich Halke offered to me, but I turned it down

because I studied for the test.

[SCOFFS] JT, yeah, right!

-I'm telling you-- -I can't believe you.

You're the worst cheater I've ever met.

-I'm tellin'-- -No, first of all...

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey. Hey.

I got a B on my history test, so Dana accused me of cheating

because this fell out of the book.

What is this?

It's a cheat sheet.

You had a cheat sheet?

Well, yeah, bu-but it's not mine.

JT, I just thought of another word that begins with B.

Busted.

Dad, come on, man, I swear, i-it belongs to my friend Rich.

He must have left his book here by mistake.

Knock it off, JT.

But, dad, I'm tellin' you the truth.

Oh, really, uh, uh, which truth is that, son?

Is it the truth you told me about the Jell-O

or is it the truth you told me about the probation letter?

-Dad, this is different. -No.

out of school, and you're gettin' a job.

Oh, guys, I need to borrow the car keys.

Where you going?

I don't have to tell you everything.

Oh, I know what she won't tell us.

She's gonna go do something stupid.

Like get her head shaved.

[SCOFFS]

You're gonna go get a tattoo, aren't you?

Look-look, just give me the keys, alright?

Well, only if you guys tell her!

Look, just promise me you're not gonna tell her.

Thank you so much. I owe you guys big time.

Well, hey, what are sisters for, right?

-[DOOR CLOSES] -Let's go tell mom.

But you just promised you wouldn't.

Well, we'll have to tell her in some other way then

because there are some things she has to know about.

[GASPS] No, wait.

You're not gonna tell her about that dream I had

about me and Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt

and Antonio Banderas at the beach, are you?

No, no, that one's too good.

-Mom. -Yeah?

Okay, what is it?

I just wanted to tell you that I would never get a tattoo.

Me neither.

And neither would Lily.

...that makes three of the four girls in this house

that are not getting tattoos.

We would check with Al, but she is downtown

where there's a tattoo parlor.

Thank you.

Feed the baby, put her down for a nap.

Oh, and, uh, she likes to hear a story

while she's having lunch.

-Okay, Lily. -Come here, Lil.

Here's the story about the beautiful princess

and the day she spent at the beach with Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt

and Antonio Banderas.

In speedos.

Al?

[SCOFFS]

Man, I should've known better than to trust

the blab sisters.

Look, Al, I know you're trying to find a way to stand out

but I really don't think a tattoo is the answer.

It's a very permanent thing--

So what?

But what if you change your mind later on?

I mean, this is something you could regret

the rest of your life.

No, I'm just telling you this because it's true.

Yeah? How would you know?

Because I-I-I, I know.

Oh, that's a great answer.

I got a tattoo.

and I've never seen a tattoo.

Yeah, well, it's not exactly in a place that gets a lot of sun.

-You're bluffing. -I wish.

Oh, my God!

Who's Wolfie?

He was a foreign exchange student I dated

when I was in high school.

His name was Wolfgang Reinhardt.

[SCOFFS] He told me that tattoos were very stylish in Europe.

So I got one.

Then a month later he dumped me

Guess you would've been better off

just getting an ID bracelet, huh?

Look, Al, I know when you're young

things seem like a good idea

but you really have to ask yourself one question.

Do you really wanna spend the rest of your life

with graffiti all over your body?

Well, I guess I don't.

Well, then come on, let's get outta here.

-Uh, Carol? -Yeah?

-Can I ask you something? -Sure.

What does my dad think of your tattoo?

Well, he's okay with it, actually.

As long as I call him Wolfie.

I am sorry I asked.

Hey, Cody, what are you doin', man?

Hey, hey, I'm using some Buttercup Girl cookies

in my favorite recipes, man.

Dig it. Cookie tuna casserole.

-What's that? -Well...

[CHUCKLES] Yeah.

All right!

[CHUCKLES]

So what's with the long face, man?

You look like you're dragging lower than Bill Clinton's butt

after a trip to McDonald's, man.

I don't know, I just don't understand why my dad

doesn't think I'm telling the truth about this test.

Oh, yeah.

Well, hey, man, maybe it'll help if we, uh, look at things

from Uncle Frank's point of view.

Hey, dig it.

And I'm gonna try and grab ahold of his perspective.

Whoa, dude, cool chair, man.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, sorry, okay, back to the business at hand.

Now, let's pretend I'm Uncle Frank.

You're my son. Okay.

Now, since you've started talking

you lied to me pretty much every chance you got.

That'll be like when you drew on the wall with your crayons

you blamed it on your little sister.

And when you broke the lamp in the living room,

you blamed it on your brother.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, dude, this doesn't look good for you.

[LAUGHING]

So what are you saying? That I'm a no-good lying weasel?

Oh, dude, that's a pretty harsh thing to say.

Unfortunately, it's the truth.

Well, thanks a lot, Cody, I thought you were my friend.

Oh, dude, I am your friend, bro...

Well, again, man, if you want people to believe in you

you kinda gotta tell the truth on a regular basis.

I'm sure you two guys got a lot to talk about.

I'm gonna run down to the Szechuan Palace

see if they wanna buy one of my recipes off of me.

Dig it. Kung Pao Cookies.

[LAUGHING]

I love this.

Hey, dad, I-I gotta talk to you.

Look, I know I don't exactly have the best track record

in the book when it comes to telling the truth

but, dad, you gotta believe me this time, man.

I did not cheat on the test.

Then what were those answers doing in your book?

It wasn't my book. It was my friend's book.

Oh, JT, you can do better than that.

That's an excuse out of the fourth grade.

Like my dog ate my homework.

Dad, I know it sounds lame, but this time

you have to believe me.

Son, I have spent a lot of time wanting to believe you.

I'm not sure there's a reason to believe you.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

-Hey, Mr. L. -Hey-Hey, R.

[CHUCKLES]

Hey, look, man, I'm kinda busy right now

so I'll just talk to you later, okay?

Yeah, no problem, I-I just came to bring

your, your history book back.

I think I left mine here by mistake the other day?

Yeah, your book's right over there, man.

[GRUNTS] Thank you.

Geez, I'm sorry I got our books mixed up.

Well, see ya!

See ya.

So...

It was his book, huh?

Yup.

Oh, boy.

JT, when you're a parent

you, you make a lot of mistakes.

-It's okay, dad. -No, it's not okay.

You were telling the truth. I pretty much called you a liar.

I'm sorry.

It's not your fault, dad, I...

I mean, for 20 years I have been pretty much of a liar.

If I were you, I, uh, wouldn't believe me either.

From right now, clean slate.

-Yeah. -Hey, you know what?

I am starving and I have stashed away

a submarine sandwich.

You wanna split it?

Uh, dad?

You ate it, didn't you?

Yeah.

Why don't I take you out for a pizza, huh?

Let's go, kid. Come on.

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Whoa.

Don't got milk.

[LAUGHING]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

-Hi, Mr. Cody. -Hey, there, little Buttercup.

I just finished up the last of your delicious cookies.

Here. This is for you.

Thanks to all the cookies you bought, I won a trip to Hawaii.

[LAUGHING]

Well, you know the Buttercups

I know, that's why I wanted to tell you

about this month's special.

We're selling Peanut Brittle.

If you buy three boxes, I get a pencil case.

If you buy ten boxes, I get a book bag.

-If you buy a hundred-- -Alright.

[LAUGHING]

Hey, little dudettes, Codeman's got visa!

[CHEERING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

There you go.