Original subtitles

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

All right, guys, as soon as the posters are done

let's head back to the school and hand out

the rest of those flyers, huh?

-Cool. -Okay.

Give it a rest, Barky.

Nobody wants to come to your stupid feminist study group.

I mean, how many angry chicks with hairy armpits

in hiking boots can there be?

What if J.T.'s right,

and no one comes to our meeting?

Ladies, trust me.

Sensitive, serious-minded

intelligent people are gonna come to this meeting.

[AIR HORN BLARING]

Hey, hey, hey!

All right.

Sisters of the world, unite, huh?

[CHUCKLES] You are women, hear you roar.

We're in the middle of a meeting.

Oh, yeah, I know. I saw your flyer.

That's why I'm here. I'm totally stoked.

I always wanted to learn more about

that women's movement you know?

So, uh, like do I sign up

or is there bra burning involved?

Cody, it's a feminist group.

There's no men allowed.

No way!

Dude, you're not gonna let me join 'cause I'm a guy?

[SCOFFS] Hey, don't you find that

just a wee bit sexist, huh?

Uh, he does have a point, Dana.

Yeah, I think it's great that there's a man

that's interested in feminist issues.

Besides, he's really cute.

[LAUGHS GOOFILY] Yeah.

Okay. All right, fine.

I'm willing to be democratic about this.

The executive committee will vote on it.

All those in favor of Cody joining the group, say, "Aye."

-BOTH: Aye. -Aye?

Yeah, Dudesie.

It's unanimous. All right!

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

[SCREAMING]

MAN: ♪ The dream got broken

♪ Seemed like all was lost

♪ What would be the future?

♪ Could you pay the cost?

♪ You wonder

♪ Will there ever be

♪ A second time around?

WOMAN: ♪ Woah-a, woah-a

♪ When the tears are over

♪ And the moment has come

♪ Say, "My Lord I think I found someone"

♪ You know it will be better

♪ 'Cause you're putting it together

♪ For the second time around

ALL: ♪ Step by step, day by day

WOMAN: ♪ Day by day

ALL: ♪ A fresh start over

♪ A different hand to play

♪ The deeper we fall

♪ The stronger we stay

WOMAN: ♪ We'll make it better

MAN: ♪ Second time around ♪

Okay, you just hang right here

and daddy's gonna get you some dessert.

-Hi, Frank. -Hi, honey.

Ooh, hi, Lilly. Oh, hello.

[KISSING]

-Frank? -Yeah.

Your body is in for such a treat tonight.

Oh, hot dog. [CHUCKLES]

Eda Jackson gave us a free pass

to the Mountain Oaks Health Spa tonight.

Oh, honey, I don't wanna go to a health spa.

Why not? It's a whole romantic evening.

You know, mineral bath, Jacuzzis.

They even have a special couples massage.

Yeah, well, I don't like massages either.

You like it when I give you a massage.

Yeah, well, that's different.

'Cause with you the massage is only part one.

Well, if you go to the spa for part one, when we get home

I'll give you part two.

Oh, yeah. Well, I'm not falling for that.

I know what you're trying to do, see.

You think you can snuggle up to me and then all of a sudden...

Oh, gee.

Hmm. Yeah, yeah.

Do you think there's any chance I could get part three?

[MOANS]

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

Four, [EXHALES]

-Five... -Karen, hurry up.

One hundred. [GRUNTS]

Oh, look, it's the Goodyear Wimp.

For your information, I'm getting pumped up

for the harvest dance.

Check out my massive biceps.

Mark, you do not have biceps.

You have linguine with fingers at the ends.

So, uh, who you taking at the dance?

Nobody. I'm flying solo.

Mothers, lock up your daughters.

Mark Foster is on the prowl.

Oh, man, I'm gonna hurl.

Wait a minute, Mark. Um...

Look, you can't go to a high school dance by yourself.

I mean, you're gonna end up standing on the loser wall.

Loser wall? What's that?

Well, it's the place where all the losers

who couldn't get dates go and stand around,

geek-bopping to the music.

Oh, well, that's not gonna happen to me.

'Cause I'm gonna be cut, buff, and ready for action.

Step aside.

[GRUNTS] Ah, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Yeah, Mark, you're going to be a big hit tonight, buddy.

[STRAINING]

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

[SIGHS] I don't understand

why we don't have a better turnout.

Where is everybody?

I bet they're all at that toga party at the Gamma House.

Hmm. Don't lose faith, sisters.

I'm sure there are plenty of women out there

who'd rather be enlightened

than chug brewskies with a bunch of frat boys.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Huh? Huh? What did I say?

A fellow freedom fighter now.

[GASPS IN DELIGHT] Sister. Hello, hello, hello.

Welcome, welcome to our meeting

where we will help you raise your consciousness

and throw off the shackles of the male uber-lords.

[CHUCKLES]

Uh, thanks. Is J.T. here?

He's taking me to the toga party.

Toga! Toga! Toga! Hey!

-Mandy, baby! -Hi, J.T.

-How's it going? -Good.

Am I interrupting anything?

Nope, nope, just a meeting

of the future gym teachers of America.

Have a nice night, ladies.

Oh, oh, if you run out of something to do, grow a bod.

Oh!

You know what? We don't need other people.

Let's start this meeting ourselves.

Hey!

Hey.

Greetings, fellow libbers, huh.

Sorry, I'm late, but, uh...

in my continuing quest to become gender neutral

I spent the day down at the National Organization for Women.

Got my membership card,

monthly newsletter, and a handy pamphlet

on how to give yourself a breast exam.

Wherever that would apply, you know? [CHUCKLES]

Cody, I, uh...

I baked you some brownies to welcome you to the group.

-Wow. -I knit you a sweater.

Sister! All right!

You knit him a sweater?

He looked cold.

See...

the brown flecks match the color of your eyes.

Oh.

Let's just sit down and begin the meeting, shall we?

Yeah, cool.

[DANA CLEARS THROAT]

Okay.

This evening's topic

is "anti-female dogma in popular American culture."

Right on. Hey,

maybe now we'll find out why all those dogs

they used in Lassie were guys, huh?

-You're right, Cody. -I've wondered that, too.

Quiet!

DANA: [CLEARING THROAT] Our culture is a drift

in a sea of anti-female propaganda.

Even our children are constantly bombarded,

with sexist messages.

Consider The Little Mermaid.

DANA: Here we have Ariel.

Another helpless doe-eyed female

waiting to be saved,

by her brainless Ken doll boyfriend.

Geez, lighten up, Dana Burger.

I mean, you're talking about a movie

where one of the main characters was a talking crab.

[LAUGHING] That's funny.

That's so funny!

What did you think of the movie, Cody?

Yeah, did you think it was sexist?

[SCOFFS] Well, I don't know. Maybe I'm missing something.

But I thought the movie was awesome.

You know, it was like,

a beautiful sweet little story

about the power of love, you know.

Uh, if you really love somebody

there's nothing in the world that can keep you apart

and keep you from living a happy life.

You know, I mean even if she is surfing your turf.

[LAUGHS] You know?

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[SERENE MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]

[EXHALES]

And this is our derma therapy room.

Now, just step into the tubs,

sit back and relax

and get ready to experience bliss.

-Yeah, bliss this. -Oh, come on, Frank.

Give it a chance. It's gonna be fun.

How much fun can it be?

We're in separate tubs.

Frankie, just go with the flow.

[SIGHS]

[LOW RUMBLING]

What was that?

It's probably just some water in the pipes.

Come on, just relax.

[RUMBLING CONTINUES]

[EXCLAIMS]

Oh! [GIGGLING]

Oh, Frank.

Ah, it's a therapeutic mud pack.

[HIGH-PITCHED] Oh, my God, it is so nice.

I hate it.

I'm gonna turn it off.

Oh! Oh! Gee!

Whoa!

Okay, everybody.

Come on.

[UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

Whoa! Whoa!

Check out Lisa Wilson.

Either she's had a major growth spurt

or she's wearing a Wonderbra.

[LAUGHS]

Man, I'm telling you, once she gets rid of that headgear

with her braces, she's gonna be a stone fox.

Hey, Lisa, Mark Foster's warm for your form.

Oh, stop it!

[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]

ROLAND: Whoa! Babe alert!

Scha-wing!

I'd like to build a house

on that sweet piece of real estate.

Hey, will you guys just cool it?

That is Tawny Spencer.

She's with Chuck Plytor, the captain of the football team.

Oh, man, he'd turn us into a hamburger

just for looking at her. Oh!

Chuck, what are you doing?

I'm... talking to somebody.

But I'm done with her now. Beat it.

I go to the ladies' room for five minutes

and you're already flirting with someone else?

What's the big deal? It's a free country.

And, I was just talking to her.

You were flirting.

How would you like it if I was flirting?

Who you're gonna flirt with?

Anybody.

Maybe I'll even flirt with one of the guys on the loser wall.

Hi.

I'm Tawny.

[LAUGHING IN DISBELIEF]

Who wants to dance?

Uh, I'll dance with you.

Uh, if you can keep up with me.

Okay.

Are you nuts? Chuck will kill you.

Yeah. But what a way to go!

Come on, mama.

Let's shake our groove things.

[UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC CONTINUES]

[EXHALES]

Okay.

Here's our couples massage room.

Uh-huh.

Why don't you both get comfortable?

And the massages will begin in a minute.

Okay. Here?

Uh, listen, uh,

you're not gonna be rubbing on me, are ya?

No. Inger will be massaging you.

-Oh, really? -I think you'll like her.

[THUDDING]

-That's her now. -[THUDDING CONTINUES]

Let's rock and roll.

Ja,I'm Inger. I give you the massage.

[KNUCKLES CRACKING]

Honey, [STAMMERS] there's a woman here.

I think she's gonna hurt me.

Oh, Frank, just relax.

I mean, it only hurts if you get tense.

Oh, oh.

[CRACKS]

[CRACKS]

Ooh, what a rush.

[CHUCKLES] Oh.

I believe in a deep tissue massage.

That means I gotta separate the muscles from the bones

and re-arrange them in a more pleasing fashion.

Oh, well, well, what if I like my muscles right where they are?

No talking. Get on the table.

Yeah, uh, listen, I think I'll just step outside.

Oh, no, no. Lie down.

-Oh. -Oh, whoopsy daisy!

[GROANS]

Uh, look, this is my, uh, first time

so you be a little gentle, okay?

Oh, what are you worried about?

I'm gonna be very gentle with you.

[WHIMPERS]

Okay. You might feel a little discomfort.

Uh-huh.

-[GROANS] -[BONES CRACKING]

Shut up!

Frank, don't fight it. Just surrender.

Okay. We gotta work on your posture.

Now, breathe normally.

[BONES CRACKING]

You're not breathing.

[WEAKLY] Help me.

Frank, quit acting like such a baby.

But I'm in pain. [GRUNTS]

Now, turn over. I wanna adjust your front.

I like my front right where it is.

Oh, you're a little girly man, huh?

-Come on, whoopsy-daisy! -No, no!

-Come on, up you go. Come on. -[GROANING]

Come on! Move it!

[UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

Hey, Chucky.

Looks like Tawny's found herself a new stud.

Yeah, she's been dancing with that dork for over an hour.

Must be true love.

Look, would you shut up? You jerks!

She's just trying to make me jealous.

She'll drop that little twerp any minute.

[CROWD APPLAUDING]

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]

Care to dance cheek to cheek?

I'd love to.

Oh-ho! That's it, the kid dies.

Okay, nerd boy, you're toast.

Listen, Chuck... [GAGS]

[STRAINING] It is Chuck, isn't it?

Look, creep, keep your hands off Tawny

or I'll put your head through the basketball hoop.

And you, come with me.

I'm not going anywhere with you, Chuck.

CHUCK: Come on, Tawny, let's dance.

TAWNY: No.

You heard the lady. Leave her alone.

Look, punk,

don't make me hurt you.

Back off, bozo.

Or I'm gonna chop you so low

you're gonna be walking on your kneecaps.

[KARATE HOWLING]

Mark, what are you doing?

Yeah. This guy could pop you like a pimple.

Look, she's right, Mark.

Just forget about it. I can handle Chuck.

MARK: No way.

I'm defending your honor against this goon.

All right, pal. I'm calling your bluff.

I'm taking you down.

[KARATE HOWL]

[STIFLED KARATE HOWL]

[GROANS]

Okay. Maybe I'm not taking you down.

Maybe you can tear me into shreds

and turn me into a loose meat sandwich.

Ah!

But remember this...

[GRUNTING]

But remember this...

You're never gonna get a great girl like Tawny.

You know why? Because you're a jerk!

In fact, I'm not the guy that belongs on the loser wall.

You are.

Yeah, you know what? Mark's right. You are a jerk!

If you're gonna beat him up you've got to beat

all of us up too.

Starting with my date.

Get out there, Jess.

Yeah, we're taking a stand.

Go on, Bobby.

All right, who else is gonna back Mark up?

It's your move, Chucky!

Oh, man. This bites. I'm outta here.

-[ALL APPLAUDING] -What are you looking at?

That was so cool, Mark.

-You got Chuck to back down. -Damn.

Yeah, you were really great.

You know, for a loser, you're an okay guy.

ALL: Yeah.

TAWNY: Mark.

[HEAVENLY MUSIC PLAYING]

You were wonderful.

Baby, you ain't seen nothing yet.

Let's boogie!

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

All right. Sisterhood in action. Hey!

Cody, what is this?

Well, you know, I felt bad

for kind of ruining your meeting the other night, so,

I went down to the student union

and rounded you up a whole bunch of feminists.

[CHUCKLES]

How did you get them all to come?

Oh, that's not important right now.

You know, the important thing is that, uh,

they're here to listen to you about feminism, huh?

So, uh, take it away.

Cody, this is amazing. Thank you.

Hey, right on!

Cody, is our date Friday or Saturday?

CODY: Uh, why don't we talk about that after the meeting?

But I need to know now. I don't wanna sit

through this boring feminist stuff

-unless you're going to go on a date-- -Here, have a nice cracker.

Here you go! [LAUGHS]

-Me neither, all right-- -Would you like a cracker?

-Are we gonna go out or what? -[LAUGHS SHEEPISHLY]

[CLEARS THROAT]

You got all these women here by promising them dates?

Well, you know, it doesn't really matter

what kinda cheese you use as long as you catch that mouse.

Cody, I have to have Saturday night.

I've got tickets for Hootie & the Blowfish.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

I hate to break this to you, but Cody and I are seeing

The Bridges of Madison County on Saturday night.

WOMAN: Excuse me... WOMAN 2: Wait a second.

[ALL CLAMORING]

You're not a woman, are you?