Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

BOTH: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Yeah.

You guys watching a football game?

No, man, it's Baywatch!

[LAUGHS]

We cheer whenever Pamela Anderson runs.

Man, you guys gotta get out and meet some real women, you know.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

You can't see anything, anyway.

How you doin'? I'm Tom Flynn.

-MR. FLYNN: I was wondering if I use yours? -Dude, that guy's a crook.

No problem. Come on in. This is Mark and that's Cody.

- How you doin'? -Hey.

Hey.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

-Good to see you. -Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too.

Oh, yeah, it's a great old house.

We really love it.

Sorry, dude. Arthritis.

If you want some privacy, there's a phone in the kitchen.

Go help yourself.

All right, that's it. Call the F.B.I.!

Get the S.W.A.T. team in here!

Cody, what is the problem?

He's a jewel thief from New York City.

Dude, he's got a fifty thousand dollar reward out on his head.

Cody, why would a big-time jewel thief from New York

move to a small town like Port Washington?

So he won't get caught. Duh!

Come on, I want to see what he's up to.

That's right, I'd like it shipped to my neighbors

here in Wisconsin and I don't want any mistakes.

I'm sure you remember what happened to the last guy

who worked for me who made a mistake.

That's right, Harrison is no longer with us.

That's right. Bye.

Hey, thanks a lot.

-Yeah. -Oh...

I'm having a package sent from New York.

It's a present for my wife for her birthday party.

It's a surprise, so I was wondering,

is it a problem if I have it delivered here?

Uh, no problem.

You got a problem with that, JT?

No. [LAUGHS] No problem.

-I'm sure Mark's got no problem. -I have no problem.

Uh, well, listen, when it comes,

just give me a call here at the office.

Sure. Oh, hey. Nice watch.

Isn't that a nice watch, guys? Huh?

Well, I'll tell you expensive jewelry's kind of a weakness of mine.

I see something I like, I gotta have it, you know?

-[BOTH LAUGHING] -Pow!

Pow!

Dude! Pow!

[ALL SCREAMING]

♪ The dream, wide broken Seemed like all was lost

♪ What would be the future? Could you pay the cost?

♪ You wonder, will there ever be a second time around?

♪ Woah-a, woah-a When the tears are over

♪ And the moment has come

♪ Say "My lord, I think I found someone"

♪ And no one would be better to be putting it together

♪ For the second time around

♪ Step by step Day by day

♪ A fresh start over A different hand to play

♪ The deeper we fall The stronger we stay

♪ We'll make it better the second time around ♪

All righty, I'm all packed up and ready to go.

Oh, and it's going to be so great having you

move in with me and the other girls.

[BOTH SCREAM AND LAUGH EXCITEDLY]

[SIGHS] Well, I don't know, Dana.

You just seem so young to be moving out of the house.

You're only in college.

I need my freedom.

Anyway, Mom, I'm 19.

I know. It's just that the house won't be the same without you.

Everybody's going to really miss you.

Okay, let's go. Moving day.

All righty. Ready when you are.

Okay, Dana,

Okay, let's get her pictures.

JT, you get the ones on the wall.

I'll take them off the table.

JT: Let's get this ugly mug out of here.

What are you doing with all those pictures of Dana?

Oh, we're sanitizing the house.

Okay, I stripped her bed.

We're gonna take all this stuff out to Beth's car.

Yeah, I'm gonna miss you, too.

Oh, come on, they didn't mean it.

Well, I guess this is it.

I just want you to know this will always be your home.

Okay, all packed up.

How about your house key, now, Dana?

Okay, there we go. Nice and dry.

And now, Daddy's going to take his little Lilly

for a choo-choo train ride. Yeah.

All the way to her very own bedroom.

Yeah.

And that makes Daddy really cranky.

Choo-choo.

-Frank. -Huh?

What are you doing?

Well, Carol, remember when the baby was born,

you said you wanted her to sleep in our room for a few weeks?

Yeah.

So, it's time for Lilly to move into her own room.

Oh, Frank, please don't do this to me.

I already lost one of my babies today,

I can't bear to lose another one.

Oh, come on, sweetheart.

Think of it as gaining a sex life.

Oh, Frank, can't we wait a little longer before we move Lilly out?

Honey, I am moving her out.

Over my dead body.

[LAUGHING] Oh, come on, honey.

Don't turn this into a tug of war because I'm a guy.

I am much stronger than you.

Yeah, well, I am a mother protecting her young,

[LAUGHS]

Okay.

[WHISPERING THROUGH HIS PAIN] Okay, she can stay another week.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Package for Mr. Tom Flynn.

-Dude. -Cody, it must be the stolen jewels.

Yeah, you're right.

for the largest jewelry heist of the twentieth century?

Doesn't it bother you to be carrying illegal contraband in your truck?

Hey, I work for the Post Office.

Rough job.

Check it out.

I don't know, Cody.

I mean, it says "New York Cheesecake" right on the box.

Uh, what did you expect it to say, "Caution: Stolen Jewels?"

[LAUGHS] Tchyeah.

Cody's right, man. I'll bet the loot's in there.

Well, fine, then we should call the police.

Whoa. No can do, little buddy.

Yeah, they stopped taking my calls

All right, then. All right, then, it's settled.

We'll set the trap, catch the crook,

and then we'll split the $50,000 reward.

-Okay, I'm in. -All right.

Cool.

Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you.

[CHATTERING]

This is so cool that Dana invited us to a party at her new place.

Yeah, I know.

I mean, doesn't she usually spend her Saturday nights

reading or complaining about men?

[JAMES BROWN'S, "I FEEL GOOD" PLAYS IN BACKGROUND]

You know, she's away from Mom and living on her own.

Karen, it's been a week, how loose can she be?

[BLOWS HORN]

Hey, everybody. Let's party!

♪ Ow! I feel good

♪ I knew that I would now

♪ I feel good

♪ I knew that I would now ♪

[POP MUSIC PLAYING IN BACKGROUND]

Well, I see it. But I do not believe it.

Sisters. Hello! Welcome to the party.

Whoa.

Hey, baby, you want Mama to take you out for a test drive?

What has happened to you?

Nothing. I'm just, I'm having a little bit of fun.

"A little bit of fun?"

Dana, any more fun, you'll be lapdancing in Vegas.

Vegas? Cool idea. Road trip.

Dana, I don't think that's a very good idea.

Oh, my goodness. Look at that.

My work here is done.

All right, kids, have a good time.

Dana, have you lost your mind?

No. It's just now that I'm away from home,

I can do anything that I want.

I'm totally free!

You wanna know how free I am?

I'm not wearing any underwear.

Uh, Dana, just a wild guess, but, um, have you been drinking?

I just, I had a couple of teeny little weeny glasses of punch.

Yeah? How many "teeny little weeny glasses of punch"?

Well how should I know? I've been drinking.

Maybe, we'll get lucky and she'll pass out.

[MUSIC CHANGES TO A LATIN RHYTHM]

Oh, man. I love this tune.

BOTH: No, Dana, stop!

Everybody! It is time for the forbidden dance.

Lambada.

You, Don Juan.

Hi, honey.

Hi.

Oh! Where's the baby?

Well, you were right.

I mean it really is time for Lilly to start sleeping in her own room.

-Really? -Oh, Why not?

I mean, I've got the baby monitor right here.

And if she needs me, I'll be able to hear her.

Besides, I miss you just as much as you miss me.

Oh, yeah? You really missed me, huh?

Oh, yeah, Frank.

I want you.

Well, I don't know, honey.

I just don't know if I'm in the mood now.

Well, how about this?

Well, if it's that important to you...

-Frank? -What? What?

Is that the baby?

I don't hear anything.

You have a monitor here. Just listen to the monitor.

Oh, yeah. Okay.

See that? The baby's not making a sound.

-Yeah, I guess you're right. -[CHUCKLES]

Okay, where were we?

Right here.

[BOTH MOANING]

Oh, my God! The baby's not making a sound. She could be in trouble.

I've got to go check.

Put on a diaper and spit up on myself.

JT: Oh, God, I wish I hadn't heard that.

[SIGHS] The baby's fine.

See? Now, come on back to bed.

Oh, I don't know, I just get nervous with her being in the other room.

I really thought I could handle it, but I just can't.

Well, ho-- honey, what are you doing?

I'm going to go to the nursery and sleep with the baby.

Okay? Good night. [KISSES]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Don't worry about me.

I don't need sex this year.

JT: Oh, man. Shut up.

What a mess.

Any chance Dana's gonna help us clean it up?

[CHUCKLES] Don't count on it.

After the way she partied last night,

I don't think she's gonna wake up 'til next Tuesday.

[MOANS]

Oh, I want to die.

You slept in a pile of garbage?

Oh, I thought these were beanbag chairs.

Oh, ooh, my skin feels horrible.

It should. You've got a piece of pizza stuck on your face.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hi, Beth. Is, uh, Dana here?

Yeah. She's right over there in that pile of trash.

Hi, Mom.

I was, um, I was just cleaning up.

Uh, girls, do you think I could talk with Dana alone for a moment?

Oh, yeah, no problem.

We'll just go get some coffee.

Well, I hear you had quite a party last night.

Yeah, yeah, we had some music and...

...pizza.

Dana, from what I hear, you were falling down drunk.

All right, so, so maybe I overdid it a little bit.

"Overdid it a little bit?"

Karen and Al told me you were staggering around the room,

kissing strange guys and making a total fool of yourself.

I'm not embarrassed about anything that I did last night.

Okay, Dana, I didn't want to do this, but you leave me no choice.

The girls brought home a picture of you at the party last night.

What kind of picture?

Maybe this will refresh your memory.

That's you in the middle of the party, hanging from the chandelier...

...topless.

Oh, my God.

Oh! You must think I'm a complete idiot.

No wonder you came here to make me move back home.

Actually, that's not why I came here at all.

I came here to see that you're okay.

And I want to tell you I hope you never do this to yourself again.

You are 19 and you are old enough

to decide whether you want to live at home or not.

And I will love you no matter what you decide.

Mom?

Yeah?

I think I want to move back home.

Are you sure about that?

Yeah.

Then come home.

Sweetheart?

Yeah, Mom?

Put on a bra.

Cody, man, are you sure this is gonna work?

Totally, dude, don't you ever watch Gilligan's Island?

This is the way they trapped those Russian cosmonauts.

-He's coming! He's coming! -All right.

[SCREECHES] The eagle has landed.

Well, looky here.

Hi, Cody. Thanks for calling. Where's my package?

Oh, it's right over there.

Have a little sit down right in the middle of the couch.

Thanks a lot.

My wife is going to be thrilled.

She loves New York cheesecake.

[LAUGHS] Tell it to the judge, dog breath.

[SHOUTING] Hey, what are you guys doing?

That's it, pal, you're busted.

You're going to the big house.

The slammer. That's it.

This is going on your permanent record, young man.

What are you talking about?

You guys are crazy.

Yeah. Crazy like a lox.

We know there's stolen jewels in there.

It's a cheesecake.

Yeah, yeah. The old "stolen jewels in the cheesecake box" trick.

Yeah.

Very fancy.

What's that for?

To throw the dogs off the scent?

To keep the cheesecake fresh.

Sure.

I find myself face to face with--

a cheesecake.

Of course, it's a cheesecake.

Now, let me go, you lunatics.

Cody, Cody, where are the jewels?

Well, isn't it obvious?

We'll just see what's in here.

No. Oh, please, come on. It's for my wife's birthday.

Pipe down, you filthy animal.

I'm on a jewel hunt here.

Whoa, there's no jewels in here.

Well, color me embarrassed.

Whoa. Let him go, guys.

Hey, uh, dude, sorry about the cheesecake and the net.

Where did you guys ever get the insane idea that I'm a jewel thief?

Cody said he saw you on America's Most Wanted.

Yeah.

Well, he probably did.

You're no criminal.

Dude, you're the head honcho of the National Toupee Club for Men.

Hey, check it out.

Hi, there.

I'm spending the night here.

It's ridiculous that I keep sleeping in the baby's room.

You mean, we're going to be together?

Right next to one another?

All night.

In that case, I better go brush my teeth.

I'll be dreaming of you.

[FRANK GARGLING]

It's been four months.

Oh, honey, this is wonderful.

Have you been looking forward to this like I have?

Hmm?

[SNORING]

Carol?

[SNORING]