Original subtitles

Hey, you guys, killer news.

You're not going to believe this.

I'm getting into the Guinness Book of World Records!

I have created a freak of nature.

So did your mother.

Oh, Dana, you're such a kidder.

So, what are you getting in for?

Oh, dude, I'm carving the world's largest jackolantern.

Come on outside. You gotta check out my gourd.

So this is what my life is coming to.

Checking out Cody's gourd.

[DOOR OPENS]

Careful with that forklift, bro.

You know if that thing gets away from you

it could take out a whole city block.

[LAUGHS]

-Wow, that thing's humongous. -Yeah.

Cody, where did you get this mutant pumpkin?

Oh, the Codeman always has a few tricks up his sleeve.

And a chicken burrito.

[CHUCKLES] I'll just save that for later.

Okay, you can leave it right here, bro.

[WHIRRING]

[HORN TOOTING]

You know, if you want to get the world's largest jackolantern,

you gotta start out with the world's largest pumpkin.

So, uh, I've been growing this one out at Fuzzy Beale's farm.

How'd you get it so big?

Oh, easy, man.

I just employed a few ancient gardening techniques, you know.

I played classical music to it, and I blessed the soil,

and I just danced around saying, "Grow, pumpkin, grow."

You know, Cody,

from now on, whenever I think of you,

I'll just picture an overgrown vegetable.

[LAUGHS] Totally.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

MAN: ♪ The dream got broken

♪ Seemed like all was lost

♪ What would be the future?

♪ Could you pay the cost?

♪ You wonder

♪ Will there ever be

♪ A second time around?

WOMAN: ♪ Woah-a, woah-a

♪ When the tears are over

♪ And the moment has come

♪ Say, "My Lord I think I found someone"

♪ You know it will be better

♪ 'Cause you're putting it together

♪ For the second time around

ALL: ♪ Step by step, day by day

WOMAN: ♪ Day by day

♪ A fresh start over

♪ A different hand to play

♪ The deeper we fall

♪ The stronger we stay

WOMAN: ♪ Make it better

MAN: ♪ Second time around ♪

-Morning, everybody. -Hi, Mom.

You know, having Cody's pumpkin in the backyard

gave me a great idea.

Why don't we have a big Halloween party this year?

-Oh, that sounds cool. -MARK: Yeah.

I love dressing up.

What are you going to wear, Frank?

Uh, honey, you know I don't like to wear costumes.

Yes you do...

Captain Kirk.

That was a private party, Lieutenant Uhura.

[BOTH GIGGLING]

Oh, man, this is too gross to even think about.

Come on, Frank. Let's go rent some costumes.

Wait, wait, wait. What if I don't want to?

Well, then there'll be no more fun on the Enterprise.

Beam me up.

A Halloween party.

This is the perfect opportunity for me to put the moves on J.J. Jenkins.

Who's that?

Only the hottest chick in the eighth grade.

She's hot, she's smokin', she's a babe.

Then why in the world would she want to go out with a geek like you?

Well, I don't know if you've noticed,

but I've been going through a personal transformation.

Puberty's kicked in,

and I've become a seething mass of hormones.

Mothers, lock up your daughters.

Mark Foster's on the prowl.

Oh, great.

Mr. Wizard's in heat.

Well, get used to the new me, baby.

Say goodbye to Nerd Boy.

From now on, I'm all man.

[GASPS]

Hey, there, J.J.

Uh, excuse me.

You talking to me?

I sure am.

I'm Mark Foster.

Perhaps you've noticed me around campus?

Oh, yeah. You're the little dink

the guys are always stuffing down the toilet.

Well, anyway, I was having this little Halloween party at my house

and I was wondering if you'd like to come.

I don't think so. I don't usually go out with guys I can bench press.

Hey, wait a minute.

I might not look like much,

but I know exactly what a girl like you wants.

Oh, yeah? What's that?

You want somebody strong, somebody hot,

somebody to do your homework for a month.

Two months, if you play your cards right.

You know, you're a sneaky little weasel.

I like that in a guy.

You got yourself a deal.

Really?

I mean, cool, mama.

Hey, who knows, it might be kind of a challeng

to get a guy like you to loosen up.

Loosen up?

Baby, I'm Gumby.

♪ I've been scooping out the pumpkin

♪ All the livelong day.

♪ I've been scooping out the pumpkin

♪ And it's like so honkin' big,

♪ I could make like 40,000 pies.

-♪ Oh, I've... ♪ -Hey, Cody.

How's it going in there?

Uh, killer, bro, dude, awesome.

The scoopage is complete.

Now, all I gotta do is carve out the face.

Man, what do you use to carve a monster like this?

Well, at first I was thinking chain saw, you know.

But I didn't think I could get the intricate detail that I wanted.

So, uh, I'm just gonna nuke this sucker with plastic explosives.

-Cool. Can we watch? -Sure, man.

Just duck behind that picnic table over there

so you don't get hit by any flying pumpkin snot.

[LAUGHS]

Okay, guys, put on your protective ear covers.

We don't have any protective ear covers.

Oh, okay, well, then, just like,

uh, stick your fingers in your ears.

[CHUCKLES] Yeah. Okay.

You know, what you're about to see

is gonna make history.

BOTH: What?

What you're... [SCOFFS]

Would you guys take your fingers out of your ears?

BOTH: What?

Never mind.

Okay, we go on in five, four, three, two...

[EXPLODING]

Wow, dude. No way.

Man, I thought I was going to blow the side of the house off.

Oh, Karen, you make a beautiful mermaid.

Thanks, Mom.

And, Dana, you make a beautiful...

Lady in a suit.

Mom, I'm Hillary Clinton.

Oh, well, I guess you've loosened up a bit.

Last year you went as Golda Meir.

Where's Frank?

I don't know. He was supposed to be down here ten minutes ago.

Frank, come on down.

Everyone wants to see you in your costume.

I'm not coming down. I look stupid.

Frank, you look very sexy. Come on down.

[FRANK GROANS]

Hmm, nice monkey, Frank.

Yeah, he seems very attached to you.

That's it. This costume's coming off.

No, Frank, come on, it's a Halloween party.

Everybody dresses up.

Jane think Tarzan look very handsome.

Tarzan hate this.

Tarzan, jerk of jungle.

Can't I at least lose the stupid monkey?

No.

You're Tarzan, he's Cheetah.

Without him, everybody will think you're Fred Flintstone.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

It's only 6:30.

What kind of moron shows up an hour early for a party?

Hiya, blondie. Remember us?

Yeah.

Oh, God, it's those idiots Mom set us up with last year.

-Dana! -Oh, honey, she's right.

It's those two jerks who think they're Beavis and Butt-Scratch.

Check it out, that old dude called me Butt-Scratch.

[BOTH SNICKER]

Hey, old dude, it's Butt-Head.

Yeah. Heh-heh.

Uh-oh, I think I got something up my nose.

Carol, look out!

Whoa.

Whoa, you totally nailed that old dude with fake snot.

Yeah, yeah, fake snot's cool.

The old dude looks like a big booger.

Alright, listen, Butt-Rash.

I know we didn't invite you to this party, so who did?

Hey, amigos.What's up?

I'm glad you made it.

You invited them?

Oh, yeah. I told them how much you've been talking about them

and of course, how you want their bodies.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll take the mermaid.

I want her to slap me around with her big tail.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No way, Butt-Spank, Karen's mine.

You get the chick that looks like the principal.

Maybe she'll keep you after school.

Yeah, yeah. Punish me, teach, yeah.

I've been a real bad boy.

Punish me. Punish me. Punish me. [GRUNTS]

I love this.

Trick or treat.

[PEOPLE LAUGHING AND CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Hey, hey, bonjourthere, dudes and dudettes.

Whoa.

Tonight, for your dining pleasure,

we got a pumpkin pie, pumpkin loaf,

pumpkin quiche, and pumpkin pancakes.

Take as much as you want, we got pumpkin up the wazoo.

Ah, Cody, you're not going to believe what Mark's wearing.

He looks like a roadie for Aerosmith.

Dude. [LAUGHS]

[VOCALIZES] ♪ Bad to the bone

♪B-b-b-bad ♪

Dudesie, take a walk on the wild side. All right.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

-I'll get it. -Okay.

Hubba, hubba, hubba.

Pace yourself, Gumby. It's gonna be a long night.

Well, hi, I'm Mark's mother.

Great costume. Madonna, right?

Yeah, she'd be my hero if she wasn't such a prude.

Oh, Mom, this is my friend, J.J.

J.J., this is my mom.

Oh, hi, J.J.

Is that, uh, skull and crossbones a real tattoo?

Yeah, it better be. It hurt so bad when they put the thing on,

I nearly swallowed my tongue.

Well, aren't you a little trooper.

Enjoy yourselves.

Tramp.

So, J.J., what do you say to a game of Twister?

I'll tell you what, Mark.

I got something a little more exciting in mind.

Follow me.

Yes!

You wanted to see me, baby?

Yeah, check this out.

We're gonna take these eggs down the street and have some real fun.

Uh, I presume we're not making Denver omelettes for the neighbors.

Not unless they want to scrape them off their front door.

-Come on, let's go. -Wait.

I can't leave my own party.

I wouldn't feel right about it.

[SIGHS]

Wild thing, I think I love you.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Hey, baby, uh, like, you wanna go for like a ride or something?

Yeah, yeah. That way, me and Blondie can sit in the back and suck face.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, look, let's just get something straight.

If you two boobs were the last men in the universe,

and you had the last scrap of food,

I would rather chew off my own leg

than be caught dead with either one of you.

Is that clear?

[CHUCKLES] She said "boobs".

Yeah, yeah, that's pretty cool.

Let's go trick or treating.

Yeah. That'll be cool.

Maybe we should, uh, dress up like, uh, Siegfried and Roy.

Hey, old dude, I think I got something up my nose again.

[GRUNTING]

[BOTH LAUGHING]

-Whoa. -Yeah, whoa!

Hey, that old dude totally nailed us with fake snot.

Yeah, I wish my dad was like that.

See you later, old dude.

Cool.

CHILDREN: Trick or Treat.

Someone's gonna see us.

Oh, chill out. They're not gonna see us.

They're all heading in the opposite direction.

Come on, hurry up. Nobody's around.

Hurry up, would you?

You know, I'm beginning to have second thoughts about this.

What if the owners come out and they catch us?

They're not home. Can't you see their lights are off?

I hate to do this.

I mean, look at their door, it's so nice and clean.

[LAUGHS] Not anymore.

Here, come on, show me what you're made of.

-No, this isn't right. -Don't be a wuss, all right?

Just head for the door.

Okay.

[LAUGHS]

Hey, I got it.

That was kind of fun. Give me another one.

Here we go. Come on. All right.

All right, Mark, you're a natural.

Yeah, keep those eggs coming.

I'm just getting warmed up.

Yeah, all right.

Uh-oh, we got trouble.

Trouble? Ha, I laugh at trouble.

POLICE OFFICER: Freeze, dirtbag.

All right, drop the egg.

Sorry.

Yeah, right.

Officer, I know I look like a little hoodlum,

but honestly, I'm a nice boy.

Can the chatter, dog breath.

You're going down.

Is this going on my permanent record?

That's affirmative.

That is a great costume.

-Thanks. -There you go.

Hey, Uncle Frank, Carol, great news!

The Guinness guy is out back right now

checking out my pumpkin.

You know, Cody, I bet you win.

Totally, dude.

Man, I have a feeling like immortality is just about to knock at my door.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh, maybe it decided to ring the bell instead.

[CHUCKLES]

Man.

Wow, what a rad costume.

Dude, you look just like a cop.

I am a cop.

I'm looking for the suspect' s guardian.

Uh, I'm the suspect's guardian. What's wrong, Officer?

The suspect was apprehended throwing eggs against a house over on Maple Street.

Throwing eggs?

Mark Foster, is this true?

I'm afraid so, Mother.

I fought the law and the law won.

Okay, Mr. Mohawk,

I'm leaving you in the custody of your parents.

Uh, I think I'd rather go to jail.

Well, that's why we take you home, son.

Moms are a lot scarier than prison.

You folks have a nice evening.

Keep your noses clean.

[LAUGHS]

Dude!

Alright, Mark, we are going to the kitchen

and we are going to have a serious talk.

I'm in big trouble, huh, Frank?

No. Custer was in big trouble.

You're dead.

Uh, Mom, any chance I could talk to Frank instead of you?

Why? So you can get off a little easier?

Forget it. You sneaked out,

you vandalized a house, you got arrested.

I am your mother and you are going to have to deal with me.

It's about my sex life.

Frank, deal with this.

All right, Mark, what's going on?

It was that girl I was with, Frank.

She was a devil woman.

She pulled me into her web of sin.

And how did she do that?

She kissed me, Frank.

And not just a peck, it was a total liplock.

It was good, Frank.

Real good.

I think I see what your problem is here, Mark.

Look, uh, when a guy gets to be about your age,

he starts to hear two voices, okay?

Okay, he, he hears Mr. Brain, and then he hears Mr. Hormone.

Mr. Brain says things like, "Mark, don't egg that house.

"It's wrong. Please don't do it."

Mr. Hormone says, "Do it, Mark! Do it! Do it!

"She's a hot babe! She'll kiss you till your brain explodes."

[PANTING]

Hey, how did you know that Mr. Hormone pants like that?

Mr. "H" and I go back a long ways. Okay?

The point is, Mark, that you've got to start to think

with Mr. Brain instead of Mr. Hormone.

You've gotta listen to your head and not your...

-I get the drift, Frank. -Yeah.

Man, puberty's just kicking my tail.

I used to be such a nice young man.

Now, I'm just a hormone with glasses.

Don't worry, Mark, you'll get through it. We all do.

How long did it take you to get through it, Frank?

I'm not a very good example.

But don't worry, I mean, you'll make it.

I hope so.

Frank, I just have one last question.

What?

Is it just me, or was that lady cop kind of exciting,

in a strange, yet wonderful way?

Mark, you and I have to take a fishing trip

and have some long talks, okay?