Original subtitles

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

This is Cody's idea of a movie set?

This is so cheesy.

C'mon, he needs our help making a movie for his filmmaking class.

Okay, people, listen up.

Quiet on the set.

Lights, camera, action.

Hey, call my agent.

Tell him to set up an appointment with Bobby DeNiro.

I love being a director. [LAUGHS]

Okay, Cody, what's my job in the movie?

Okay, Mark, you're the Assistant Director, Executive Producer

and Vice President In charge of production.

Wow, what do I do?

Serve lemonade.

Now, the rest of you people, you're all gonna be actors.

JT, you play Dick Ratface, the evil pet shop owner.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] Dick Ratface?

Can't I have more of a studly name, like Rocky or Rambo?

Okay. From now on, you're Rambo Ratface.

Hey, Brendan.

Now you're gonna play Little Timmy,

whose lifelong dream it is to have his very own goldfish.

Can I be the sensitive but sultry heroine

who nurses Tom Cruise back to health in a PG-13 sort of way?

Close.

You're going to play the femme fatale.

You're beautiful, you're dangerous.

You light up the screen. Every man wants you.

Ooh. [LAUGHS]

What's my character's name?

Customer Number One.

Cody, what's my character?

Okay, you're Maria Consuelo Valencia De Benedictis.

Cool, who's that?

Customer number two.

Okay, people, we're gonna rehearse scene one.

Now, we open on Rambo Ratface

who's selfishly eating a banana

while a hungry monkey looks on sadly.

Now...

Timmy, Timmy, Timmy!

We're trying to make a movie here, huh?

All right.

Now, in the foreground, Little Timmy's counting out his pennies, all right?

While Maria Consuelo is trying to pick out a lizard,

and customer number one is trying to decide

between a kitten and a puppy, all right?

Places everybody.

Let's go.

Lights, camera and action.

Uh, Cody, don't we need a script?

And cut!

Okay, that's lunch.

Dude, I gotta go outside and write a script.

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

MAN: ? The dream got broken

? Seemed like all was lost

? What would be the future?

? Could you pay the cost?

? You wonder

? Will there ever be

? A second time around?

WOMAN: ? Woah-a, woah-a

? When the tears are over

? And the moment has come

? Say, "My Lord I think I found someone"

? You know it will be better

? 'Cause you're putting it together

? For the second time around

ALL: ? Step by step, day by day

WOMAN: ? Day by day

ALL: ? A fresh start over

? A different hand to play

? The deeper we fall

? The stronger we stay

WOMAN: ? We'll make it better

MAN: ? Second time around ?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'll get it. It's for me.

I got a extra-large pizza with ham, anchovies...Yeah, it's for me.

Thanks. Bye.

Oh, what is that?

Oh, just a pizza with ham, anchovies, pickles, pineapple, and Gummi Bears.

Oh, yeah, you're one of those women

who only eats weird, exotic foods when you're pregnant.

No. When I'm pregnant, I eat anything.

Hi, guys. See you later.

What? Wait, wait, wait. Where are you going?

On a date.

Well, would you like to tell me about him?

No. Bye.

Hey-a, whoa. Now wait a minute, girlie-girl, whoa-oh.

C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon.

You know the rules.

You have to tell your mother about this guy

or she'll have me follow you in a car all night.

Okay. His name is Paul Gilbert.

He works at a bookstore near the college.

He doesn't drink, smoke, swear,

or talk with his mouth full.

He has clean fingernails, good posture,

and he knows the Heimlich maneuver in case of emergency.

You may go.

Thank you.

Hey, Dana.

Oh, I hear you're dating a 36-year-old guy.

Thirty-six-year-old guy?

Did I forget to mention that?

Al, Karen, let's step out of the ring.

I think I heard the bell for round number one. C'mon.

Sorry.

Mom, what is the big deal? I'm going out with a guy.

Yeah, well, I just don't see why you can't find somebody closer to your own age?

Because, Mom, the guys my age are immature dimwits.[SIGHS]

Their idea of a good time is drinking beer and peeing off the water tower.

Paul is different. He reads books.

We can talk about things.

He's a mature guy.

Yeah, well, that's what bothers me.

Mature guys have mature ideas

and I don't want you getting any.

Ideas.

Mom... [CHUCKLES]

You don't have to worry about me having premarital...

Ideas.

Yeah, well, I will tell you one thing,

there is no way a relationship can work

with a 19-year-old girl and a 36-year-old man.

Mom, look, I know that you like to think of me as a child,

but the fact of the matter is,

I'm perfectly capable of taking care of my own life

without help from you.

[SIGHS]

I'm kind of nervous about meeting your friends.

Oh, don't worry, you'll love them.

They're gonna love you.

[CHUCKLING]

I can't believe my mother said

a relationship with an older guy wouldn't work.

Yeah, you know, my ex-wife said

that dating a younger woman was crazy.

But you know, I say, age doesn't matter.

I mean, so what if you're only 20?

Nineteen.

Nineteen.

Well, I mean, what is age, really?

[LAUGHS]

A number. Exactly. It doesn't define a person.

Absolutely. What matters is that we have so much in common.

Right. The age thing doesn't bother me one bit. Does it bother you?

[SCOFFING] I don't even think about the age thing.

I don't think about it, either.

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

[CHUCKLES] Well, that must be them.

[SIGHS]

Hey! Hello!

[ALL GREETING] How are you?

Oh, nice coat. [INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Everybody, I want you to meet Dana Foster.

Dana, this is my brother, Jim, and his wife, Molly.

And these are my friends, Andy and Nancy.

You know, Andy, he teaches biology

at East Wisconsin University.

It's nice to meet you. And what do you do?

I'm a student.

I'm in your class, Professor...

Andy.

[ALL LAUGHING] How about that, Paul?

Small world. You're dating one of my students.

Not that there's anything wrong with dating a student.

Oh, no!

I mean, I wouldn't date a student.

But that's just because I'm married.Right.

Not because I think that it's creepy or anything.

I don't mean creepy, creepy. I mean, that, um...

Hey, I have an idea.

Why don't we all get some wine and cheese

while Andy gets his foot out of his mouth?

Hey, I'd love some wine. How about you, Dana?

Um, no thanks.

Oh, that's right, you're underage.

I mean, you know, for the wine, not to, uh, date Paul.

Oh, Paul, I wanted to show you a picture I found

when we were cleaning out the attic.

Oh, you're gonna love this.

Oh, no. [ALL LAUGHING]

Oh, no, God. Seventies flashback.

I look like one of the Bee Gees in here.

Dana, take a look at this. This is Jim and Molly's wedding.

It was a disco theme.

Disco?

How could anybody listen to that stuff?

[INDISTINCT ARGUING]

Don't you remember The Village People?ALL: Oh!

Wha, wha, wha, wha, wha.

? It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.

? It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.

? You can get yourself clean

? You can have a good meal

? You can do whatever you feel

? Young man, there's no reason to feel down

? I say, young man, get yourself off the ground

? I say, young man, 'cause you're in a new town

? There's no need to be unhappy ?

ALL: Wha, wha, wha, wha, wha.

This stinks. Where are all the dirty parts?

Mom tears them out.

Oh, great, now I'll never know how Lady Katherine

repaid the stable boy for his kindness.

Oh, good, you're home.

You've got to tell me all about dating an older man.

I wanna hear every detail.

Yeah, and don't leave out any juicy parts.

Well, it didn't go exactly as I'd hoped.

[SIGHS] All his friends were so much older than me,

I felt completely out of place.

I actually saw one of my professors disco dancing.

Like... ? Y.M.C.A.

? It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A. ?

Disco?

That, that's like from the '70s.

How old were these people?

They were in their 40s.

And they were dancing?

Ew, that's gross.

I guess Mom is right. This guy is too old for you.

He's not too old for me.

It's fine when we're alone.

It was just weird because all his friends were there.

I don't know, Dana.

I mean, there's something about you dating an older guy that just seems bizarre.

Oh, God, this isn't one of those sick father fixation things, is it?

You know, I saw a TV movie about that one time,

where Heather Locklear had to kiss Buddy Ebsen.

Paul is not Buddy Ebsen.

He's only 36.

This relationship can work. It's gonna work

and I don't care what anybody says,

age doesn't make a difference.

Come on, honey, you don't wanna miss the start of Cody's movie.

Wow, my, that looks wonderful.

Pot stickers, egg rolls, paperwrapped chicken.

Oh, the kids are gonna love this.

Uh-uh, it's not for them. It's for me.

I made them popcorn.

Well, I had a little craving for Chinese food.

Okay, Cody, we're ready for the start of the movie.

Ooh, Chinese food.

Yeah, back off, pal.

The popcorn is for us.

The Chinese food is for the Amazing Digesto.

Okay, I want to thank you guys for coming to the premiere screening of Free Goldie.

Now, I want you to know, no animals were harmed during the production of this film.

Although, we did have one close call

when Goldie jumped into a bowl of soup. [LAUGHS]

Okay, roll 'em.

CODY: [ON VIDEO] Cody Lambert presents...

Free Goldie. A film by Cody Lambert.

Starring JT Lambert as Rambo Ratface.

Brendan Lambert as Little Timmy.

Al Lambert as Maria Consuela Valencia De Benedictis.

And introducing Karen Foster as Customer Number One.

[GIGGLES]

I'm excited. It's my screen debut.

Gee, Mister, I'd love to buy that goldfish,

but I don't know if I have enough money.

That's no problem, little boy.

I'm sure we can arrange a loan.

This is fantastic.

You like this movie?

No. These egg rolls are to die for.

Carol, what are you doing?

Having a snack.

This is not a snack. It's Thanksgiving on Walton Mountain.

I'm putting this stuff away. No, don't touch that turkey. It's my turkey.

All right, this goes back.

No, they go together.

See? Turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy.

Mmm.

Oh, honey, you have really lost it.

I wasn't gonna show you this until morning.

I was going through some photos the other day.

I found this one of you. I want you to look at it.

Big deal. So I'm fat.

I was nine months pregnant with Mark.

Well, you know, that's what I thought

Until I looked at the date on the back of the picture here.

It's Mark's first birthday party.

You, you can't see Mark and the other kids

'cause you're blocking them with your thigh, here.

It's that dress. That dress always made me look fat.

Okay, fine.

I have another picture.

This time, you're not wearing a dress.

You're wearing a bathing suit.

Look at it. No.

No, look at it. No.

No, you should... Look at this, look at this picture!I am not looking.

I am not looking!

Look at this. I am not looking.

[BOTH SCREAMING]

Oh, my God.

I look like Marlon Brando in a bikini.

Here.

Carol, listen. I...

I know that your pregnant, and pregnant women get cravings,

but you can't keep eating like this.

It's not good for you. It's not healthy.

It's not healthy for our baby.

I know.

Oh, gee, you know, the last time I was pregnant

I swore I'd never do this again.

But I just keep getting the cravings

and then, I can't control myself.

Well, listen honey,

I'll try and help you anyway that I can. Okay?

If you get a craving and I'm not there...

Look at the picture. No!

Hi, come on in.

Listen, uh, I want you to have a seat.

Uh, shouldn't we get going?

I don't wanna be late for the movie.

Well, look, there's been a kind of a last minute change of plans.

Um, my ex-wife got sick...

[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] And my kids are here.

[CHUCKLES]

[LAUGHS WEAKLY]

Um, your kids?

Yeah, look, look, I'm really, really sorry

I didn't tell you about my kids earlier.

I just didn't wanna scare you off.

And, anyway, I have two kids.

Oh.

Well, that's super.

Uh, how old are the little tykes?

Five, six.

Oh, what a fun age. [TOY GUN RATTLING]

[CHUCKLES]

Are you Daddy's new girlfriend?

Uh, kind of.

You're skinny.

Dana, I want you to meet Lilly and this is Jack.

Guys, I want you to say hi to Dana.

Hi, Dana. I'm glad you're a girl. Maybe you could help me.

Sure, uh, what can I do for you?

I think I got some toilet paper stuck in my bottom.

Would you check?

Lilly, sweetheart, why' don't you go on in the bathroom

and I'll come there in a minute, okay?

Hey, hey, no running in the house![TOY GUN RATTLING]

[LAUGHS] Kids.

Yeah, kids.

This isn't gonna work, is, it?

I really wanted to make it work

because I like you.

But...

We're just not from the same world.

Oh, boy.

I wish I'd met you ten years ago.

[CHUCKLES]

Ten years ago, I was nine.

Oh, boy, my ex-wife, she was right again.

God, I hate that!

Well, um...

Uh, I guess I'll see you at the bookstore.

Uh, yeah.

Bye, Paul.

Bye.

WOMAN: [ON TV] Dance that fat away. Keep it up.

That's it. Hi, Mom.

Work it harder now. Hi.

What are you doing home? It's only 8:30.

I broke up with Paul

and I'm really depressed.

Oh, oh, I'm sorry.

You know what really bugs me?

[SIGHS] How come you knew this was gonna happen

before the first date, and I didn't?

Well, I'm 40, you're 19.

I thought I was an adult,

but I guess I'm not even close.

But you are close.

That's what so frustrating about being a 19 year old.

You've got the body of an adult,

you've got the mind of an adult,

you have the experience of a 19 year old.

I wish I could go to sleep, wake up tomorrow, and be 30 years old.

Yeah, I wish I could wake up and be 30 years old, too.

You know, Mom, you're really smart.Mmm. [CHUCKLES]

I outta listen to you more often.

Hey, could I tape that?

Because I'm sure by tomorrow, I will probably be your dumb mother again.

Probably.

Well, let's enjoy the truce while we have it, huh?

A 36-year-old guy. What was I thinking?

Well, you're nineteen, you're very mature. It could happen.

[SIGHS] Yeah, but I bet it never happened to you.

Did it?

Well, I didn't wanna tell you this

'cause I didn't wanna encourage you, but...

Well, what the heck.

When I was your age,

I went out with an older man.

Really? Mmm-hmm.

Was he 36? No.

He was 47.

Forty-seven? Yeah.

That's sick. Yeah.

That's what my mother said.

Mom, you were 19... Yeah, shh.

...and the man was 47? Yeah.

He was old enough to be your father.I know.

And you kissed this guy? Yes.

You know, why don't you yell it louder, Dana?

I'm not sure all the neighbors heard.

I gotta tell Karen. Well, Dana.

Wait, Dana, Dana. Dana.

Forty-seven! That's like...

Buddy Ebsen!

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0