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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,257 --> 00:00:03,053 I need your advice on these wedding invites. 2 00:00:03,585 --> 00:00:04,984 I like calligraphy option number two; 3 00:00:05,020 --> 00:00:06,560 it looks like a Bone Thugs album. 4 00:00:06,585 --> 00:00:08,888 This looks like an ad for a bong company. 5 00:00:09,202 --> 00:00:10,277 I like option one better. 6 00:00:10,296 --> 00:00:11,229 You know what would be nice? 7 00:00:11,297 --> 00:00:12,497 A wedding invitation 8 00:00:12,565 --> 00:00:13,832 engraved on a plate. 9 00:00:17,403 --> 00:00:18,403 What a magical wedding that would be. 10 00:00:18,471 --> 00:00:19,537 You two are imbeciles. 11 00:00:19,605 --> 00:00:21,372 Anybody with taste and sophistication 12 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:23,942 would always choose option number two. 13 00:00:24,009 --> 00:00:25,310 Are you okay? 14 00:00:25,377 --> 00:00:26,178 You look gray. 15 00:00:26,203 --> 00:00:27,069 I didn't sleep. 16 00:00:27,094 --> 00:00:29,590 I was up preparing for an epic day of wedding decisions. 17 00:00:29,615 --> 00:00:30,548 I'm calling it D-Day. 18 00:00:30,616 --> 00:00:31,772 Of course, in this situation, 19 00:00:31,797 --> 00:00:33,928 the "D" stands for "decisions," 20 00:00:33,953 --> 00:00:35,553 and unlike the other D-Day, 21 00:00:35,621 --> 00:00:37,188 it will not be a walk on the beach. 22 00:00:37,256 --> 00:00:38,389 That's incredibly offensive. 23 00:00:38,457 --> 00:00:39,390 I know. 24 00:00:40,459 --> 00:00:41,225 Do you guys remember 25 00:00:41,272 --> 00:00:43,512 that audition I had for gas station TV? 26 00:00:43,537 --> 00:00:44,362 Well, 27 00:00:44,430 --> 00:00:46,664 the girl they hired went missing 28 00:00:46,732 --> 00:00:49,234 - and they need me to fill in! - Yeah! - What? 29 00:00:49,301 --> 00:00:50,911 - Oh! - Oh, my God, we're gonna be friends 30 00:00:50,936 --> 00:00:52,203 with a gas celebrity! 31 00:00:52,271 --> 00:00:53,204 That's right! 32 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:55,006 But it is today, 33 00:00:55,074 --> 00:00:57,242 and I know you need my help with the wedding stuff... 34 00:00:57,309 --> 00:00:58,910 Cece, what are you talking about? Are you crazy? 35 00:00:58,978 --> 00:01:00,044 You have to go to this. 36 00:01:00,112 --> 00:01:01,045 I can do it all by my... 37 00:01:01,113 --> 00:01:02,147 by myself. 38 00:01:04,986 --> 00:01:05,919 Are you okay? 39 00:01:08,897 --> 00:01:11,600 Wow, your mouth has been open forever. 40 00:01:12,591 --> 00:01:14,359 Okay, this is crazy. I'm just gonna stay home. 41 00:01:14,426 --> 00:01:16,127 - No, Cece, you have to go, please. - It's... it's... 42 00:01:16,195 --> 00:01:17,395 - Okay. - I'll be fine. I'll be fine. 43 00:01:17,463 --> 00:01:18,958 I can help with wedding stuff. 44 00:01:18,983 --> 00:01:20,670 Just lighten the load a little bit. 45 00:01:20,944 --> 00:01:21,692 Sometimes I think 46 00:01:21,717 --> 00:01:23,368 I was bred in a lab to help people. 47 00:01:23,435 --> 00:01:24,869 You know what else they bred in the lab? 48 00:01:25,467 --> 00:01:26,484 Pugs. 49 00:01:27,306 --> 00:01:29,007 Thank you, Jess. That would be great. 50 00:01:29,074 --> 00:01:30,275 Uh, no, Cece. 51 00:01:30,342 --> 00:01:31,576 I don't have time to bring her up to speed. 52 00:01:31,644 --> 00:01:33,211 Throwing her into the fray now 53 00:01:33,279 --> 00:01:34,779 would be like putting a baby on a treadmill. 54 00:01:34,847 --> 00:01:36,281 She would... just shoot off. 55 00:01:36,348 --> 00:01:38,082 Baby, you're just being protective of the wedding, okay? 56 00:01:38,150 --> 00:01:39,517 Jess is just gonna help. 57 00:01:39,585 --> 00:01:41,186 She's not gonna take over. 58 00:01:42,122 --> 00:01:43,489 Mmm... 59 00:01:43,514 --> 00:01:44,422 Jess... 60 00:01:45,155 --> 00:01:46,758 Mmm... 61 00:01:46,825 --> 00:01:48,958 mm... mm... mmm. 62 00:01:48,983 --> 00:01:50,169 What's happening here? 63 00:01:50,194 --> 00:01:50,929 Fine. 64 00:01:50,996 --> 00:01:51,965 Who's excited? 65 00:01:51,990 --> 00:01:52,730 There we go. 66 00:01:52,798 --> 00:01:54,731 Ooh, FYI, you may have to wrestle 67 00:01:54,756 --> 00:01:56,267 a rectal nutrient into him. 68 00:01:56,335 --> 00:01:57,936 - Wait, what? - You're right. Not your job. 69 00:01:58,003 --> 00:01:59,280 I've done it before. 70 00:02:00,045 --> 00:02:01,239 I mean, I didn't like it, but... 71 00:02:02,025 --> 00:02:02,958 I did it. 72 00:02:03,475 --> 00:02:04,576 Am I proud of it? No. 73 00:02:04,643 --> 00:02:05,710 Did I do it? Yes. 74 00:02:05,778 --> 00:02:07,612 Have I done it again since? No. 75 00:02:12,100 --> 00:02:14,856 There's tons to do today, so we're going to have to split up. 76 00:02:14,881 --> 00:02:16,489 I have to be here for a tux fitting 77 00:02:16,514 --> 00:02:18,415 and a meeting with a napkin ring genius. 78 00:02:18,483 --> 00:02:19,516 Gonna be fine. 79 00:02:19,584 --> 00:02:21,451 There's chairs to be picked and... 80 00:02:24,122 --> 00:02:26,056 ...cakes to be tasted. 81 00:02:28,262 --> 00:02:29,363 Schmidt? Are you asleep? 82 00:02:29,967 --> 00:02:30,891 What?! 83 00:02:31,131 --> 00:02:33,286 No, I'm not sleeping, of course I'm not sleeping! 84 00:02:33,311 --> 00:02:35,832 Just tons... too much to do today to sleep. 85 00:02:36,451 --> 00:02:37,506 Jess... 86 00:02:37,756 --> 00:02:39,712 this is the most important thing that I own. 87 00:02:39,912 --> 00:02:41,412 It is the wedding flash drive. 88 00:02:41,490 --> 00:02:43,073 Everything that you need to know is on this. 89 00:02:43,141 --> 00:02:44,074 It's color-coded. 90 00:02:44,142 --> 00:02:45,655 Ooh, color-coded. Gimme. 91 00:02:46,921 --> 00:02:47,959 Please do not reach for it 92 00:02:47,984 --> 00:02:50,294 like you're Winston reaching for someone's breast. 93 00:02:50,319 --> 00:02:51,639 Treat it with respect. 94 00:02:51,664 --> 00:02:53,726 I will, and I just want to say 95 00:02:53,794 --> 00:02:55,462 I'm honored you're trusting me. 96 00:02:55,529 --> 00:02:56,563 Oh, I'm not. 97 00:02:56,842 --> 00:02:58,731 Everything I see is terrible. 98 00:02:58,756 --> 00:02:59,951 Pan left. 99 00:03:00,436 --> 00:03:01,801 This one's nice. 100 00:03:01,876 --> 00:03:03,623 Comfortable, but not too comfortable. 101 00:03:03,648 --> 00:03:05,615 - We want people to dance. - Folding chairs? 102 00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:08,458 Jess, if I wanted my wedding to be an AA meeting, 103 00:03:08,483 --> 00:03:09,840 I would've called my Aunt Terry. 104 00:03:09,865 --> 00:03:12,022 I don't think you want to marry this guy. 105 00:03:12,162 --> 00:03:13,179 Who is that? 106 00:03:19,130 --> 00:03:20,356 Oh, finally. 107 00:03:20,381 --> 00:03:21,187 Winston, 108 00:03:21,255 --> 00:03:22,355 where have you been? 109 00:03:22,423 --> 00:03:23,456 I've been waiting an hour. 110 00:03:23,524 --> 00:03:25,358 Work was crazy, okay? 111 00:03:25,426 --> 00:03:26,826 I busted a poker room, 112 00:03:26,894 --> 00:03:28,864 which was a front for a crack house, 113 00:03:28,889 --> 00:03:31,138 which was a front for a brothel. 114 00:03:31,253 --> 00:03:32,388 It was a crime turducken. 115 00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:34,739 This is the third time you've stood me up. 116 00:03:34,764 --> 00:03:36,736 Meat lunch is our oldest and proudest tradition. 117 00:03:37,225 --> 00:03:39,552 Let's do this every year for the rest of our lives. 118 00:03:39,577 --> 00:03:41,241 I'm gonna be a lawyer. 119 00:03:41,928 --> 00:03:42,638 Let's eat. 120 00:03:42,663 --> 00:03:44,702 I can't. I had an hour, I gotta go back to work. 121 00:03:44,944 --> 00:03:45,879 I mean... 122 00:03:45,946 --> 00:03:47,732 You know, it's a... it's a bar 123 00:03:47,757 --> 00:03:49,582 in the middle of the day. Like, who's there? 124 00:03:49,650 --> 00:03:51,251 Why are they there? Why do you need to be there? 125 00:03:51,318 --> 00:03:52,785 'Cause it's my job. 126 00:03:52,853 --> 00:03:53,887 It runs itself. 127 00:03:53,954 --> 00:03:55,388 It's basically a big-ass fridge. 128 00:03:55,456 --> 00:03:56,789 I'm a bartender and owner. 129 00:03:56,857 --> 00:03:58,358 You know how many balls I have to juggle now? 130 00:03:58,425 --> 00:03:59,792 Man, those are baby balls. 131 00:03:59,860 --> 00:04:01,194 - Hmm. - I'm a cop. 132 00:04:01,262 --> 00:04:03,730 I spend my day working the city's balls. 133 00:04:03,797 --> 00:04:05,498 - Listen to yourself. - Those balls are big. 134 00:04:05,566 --> 00:04:06,699 Listen to yourself. 135 00:04:06,767 --> 00:04:08,334 I'm listening to myself, Nick. 136 00:04:08,402 --> 00:04:10,203 Your balls, in comparison to my balls, 137 00:04:10,271 --> 00:04:12,071 that you have to deal with, that I have to handle... 138 00:04:12,139 --> 00:04:15,208 If you think your job is so much harder than my job, 139 00:04:15,276 --> 00:04:18,099 then why don't you come see for yourself? 140 00:04:18,124 --> 00:04:19,245 Unless, of course, you're scared. 141 00:04:19,313 --> 00:04:20,346 - Scared? - Scared. 142 00:04:20,414 --> 00:04:21,247 I'm a cop. 143 00:04:21,315 --> 00:04:22,949 I run a bar. 144 00:04:24,952 --> 00:04:26,786 Welcome to the nerve center. 145 00:04:26,854 --> 00:04:29,185 Over here, you've got accounts payable... 146 00:04:29,210 --> 00:04:30,872 bills, to the layperson... 147 00:04:30,897 --> 00:04:32,859 and over here is the schedule. 148 00:04:32,927 --> 00:04:34,646 It's a numbers game, really. 149 00:04:34,671 --> 00:04:36,262 Who works when and why, 150 00:04:36,330 --> 00:04:37,931 square pegs, round holes, 151 00:04:37,998 --> 00:04:39,265 every man is a mystery... 152 00:04:39,333 --> 00:04:40,400 That's great, Nick. 153 00:04:40,467 --> 00:04:41,768 Um, I'm a cop. 154 00:04:43,003 --> 00:04:45,083 Come in! 155 00:04:45,108 --> 00:04:47,307 Hey, Nick, what's the schedule for the weekend? 156 00:04:47,374 --> 00:04:48,474 Oh, great, everybody's here. 157 00:04:48,542 --> 00:04:49,976 Why don't you ask my friend Winston? 158 00:04:50,044 --> 00:04:51,725 He'll be handling all questions. 159 00:04:52,046 --> 00:04:53,485 Yeah, that's easy. 160 00:04:54,715 --> 00:04:55,982 All right. 161 00:04:56,050 --> 00:04:56,983 I'm ready to taste cakes. 162 00:04:57,051 --> 00:04:58,151 Okay, great. 163 00:04:58,218 --> 00:04:59,986 - This is gonna be fun. - I'm sorry, fun? 164 00:05:00,054 --> 00:05:01,955 Baking scones with Winston is fun. 165 00:05:01,980 --> 00:05:03,575 This is serious, Jess. 166 00:05:03,771 --> 00:05:04,728 Mmm! 167 00:05:05,264 --> 00:05:05,925 Soft and sweet. 168 00:05:05,993 --> 00:05:08,375 What a relief it's not hard and salty. 169 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:09,333 How is the nose? 170 00:05:09,358 --> 00:05:10,522 Does it have a clean finish, 171 00:05:10,547 --> 00:05:12,107 or would you say it's a long cake? 172 00:05:12,132 --> 00:05:14,171 Describe the cake's legs in terms of mouth feel. 173 00:05:14,196 --> 00:05:16,536 Bro, I spent two hours at the chair place. 174 00:05:16,561 --> 00:05:18,075 You picked nothing. 175 00:05:18,100 --> 00:05:19,305 You negotiated with the florist 176 00:05:19,373 --> 00:05:20,840 until all three of us were crying. 177 00:05:20,908 --> 00:05:24,110 Let's start again and put the camera close to the frosting. 178 00:05:24,178 --> 00:05:25,935 And for God's sakes, please, 179 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:27,935 be mindful of your friggin' shadow. 180 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:30,335 No. I'm stopping this. 181 00:05:30,472 --> 00:05:31,739 You're stop... you're stopping what? 182 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:32,786 J-Jess? 183 00:05:32,811 --> 00:05:33,850 What are... what are you doing? 184 00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:35,321 Why am I looking at a fountain now? 185 00:05:35,389 --> 00:05:36,322 What... 186 00:05:36,608 --> 00:05:38,342 What a relaxing water feature. 187 00:05:46,178 --> 00:05:47,600 Are they playing Christina there? 188 00:06:06,594 --> 00:06:08,329 Hey, gal pal, how is it going? 189 00:06:08,417 --> 00:06:10,085 Great! It's exactly like modeling, 190 00:06:10,110 --> 00:06:11,986 except for it's less cold and I get to talk. 191 00:06:12,315 --> 00:06:13,582 How's Schmidt? 192 00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:15,421 He's not stress-eating paper towels again, is he? 193 00:06:15,446 --> 00:06:16,512 No, everything's fine. 194 00:06:16,537 --> 00:06:17,204 I'm supposed to see 195 00:06:17,229 --> 00:06:18,229 a beverage guy, 196 00:06:18,254 --> 00:06:19,661 but I can't find his address. 197 00:06:19,686 --> 00:06:21,894 Seriously? I can come back and help. 198 00:06:21,919 --> 00:06:22,696 - No! - It's fine. 199 00:06:22,721 --> 00:06:23,313 It's just... 200 00:06:23,338 --> 00:06:24,742 Schmidt has this color-coded system, 201 00:06:24,767 --> 00:06:26,367 and I can't figure out which one. 202 00:06:26,435 --> 00:06:27,602 Do you know which one beverages would be? 203 00:06:27,669 --> 00:06:30,211 I don't know. Blue? 204 00:06:30,472 --> 00:06:31,773 You're a genius. I found it. 205 00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:33,107 Okay, I gotta go learn Spanish. 206 00:06:33,175 --> 00:06:34,942 I told him that I know it. 207 00:06:35,711 --> 00:06:36,277 Oh. 208 00:06:36,345 --> 00:06:37,330 Good luck. 209 00:06:38,728 --> 00:06:40,715 Gavin, wine sales, Calabasas. 210 00:06:47,375 --> 00:06:48,720 I didn't do it! 211 00:06:49,437 --> 00:06:50,172 I'm lying. 212 00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:51,444 I obviously did it. 213 00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:52,645 Don't worry. 214 00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:54,845 We just put those there for people to break. 215 00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:57,984 - Really? - No, they were very expensive. 216 00:06:58,051 --> 00:06:59,352 But I own the place, 217 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:00,920 so why don't we say this one broke, too? 218 00:07:02,340 --> 00:07:03,307 I'm Gavin. 219 00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:04,618 Let's try this one. 220 00:07:04,643 --> 00:07:06,165 Tempting, but my friends are getting married. 221 00:07:06,190 --> 00:07:07,727 I'm kind of on a deadline. 222 00:07:07,759 --> 00:07:11,337 And also I prefer my wine sparkling, pink and under $11. 223 00:07:16,008 --> 00:07:17,343 Just taste it. 224 00:07:17,368 --> 00:07:18,835 Okay, one glass. 225 00:07:19,422 --> 00:07:21,672 Javier, you take the early shift 226 00:07:21,739 --> 00:07:23,707 on... Saturday. 227 00:07:23,775 --> 00:07:24,741 - Ugh. - Come on, listen, 228 00:07:24,809 --> 00:07:26,430 I got to do what I got to do, you know? 229 00:07:26,455 --> 00:07:28,721 Uh, Gina, wait to induce 230 00:07:28,746 --> 00:07:31,642 until Sunday... afternoon. 231 00:07:31,667 --> 00:07:33,293 Gina, don't you have something on Sunday? 232 00:07:33,318 --> 00:07:34,952 My husband has his fantasy baseball league. 233 00:07:35,019 --> 00:07:36,887 He won't attend the birth if it doesn't happen. 234 00:07:36,955 --> 00:07:38,689 That's not the man you should be with, I'm sorry. 235 00:07:38,756 --> 00:07:39,690 All right, where do you want these? 236 00:07:39,757 --> 00:07:41,291 Winston, where do we want these? 237 00:07:41,359 --> 00:07:42,559 Where do we want...? Winston? No, dude. 238 00:07:42,627 --> 00:07:43,694 I don't know you like that, man. 239 00:07:43,761 --> 00:07:44,928 Put 'em where the beer goes. 240 00:07:44,996 --> 00:07:46,229 Come on, man, I got eight more deliveries. 241 00:07:46,297 --> 00:07:47,598 Look, I don't like the early shift. 242 00:07:47,665 --> 00:07:50,080 Mercy? 243 00:07:50,105 --> 00:07:53,112 Yes! Yes, yes, man. That's what I thought. 244 00:07:53,137 --> 00:07:54,703 Cheese, the keg's gonna go where it always goes, 245 00:07:54,728 --> 00:07:55,828 right behind the bar. 246 00:07:55,853 --> 00:07:56,773 Guys, the schedule. 247 00:07:56,841 --> 00:07:58,241 - Oh, that's perfect. Thanks. - That works? 248 00:07:58,309 --> 00:07:59,775 Back to work, everybody. Good stuff. 249 00:08:00,540 --> 00:08:01,485 Listen, I get it. 250 00:08:01,510 --> 00:08:03,024 This is confusing and everything, 251 00:08:03,049 --> 00:08:04,681 and I can't just walk in off the street 252 00:08:04,749 --> 00:08:06,683 and do your job instantaneously. 253 00:08:06,751 --> 00:08:07,718 But come on. 254 00:08:07,785 --> 00:08:08,919 Let's be real. 255 00:08:08,987 --> 00:08:11,221 It's still not harder than being a cop. 256 00:08:11,289 --> 00:08:13,390 - Then prove it. - Oh, I'll prove it. 257 00:08:15,126 --> 00:08:16,727 Look, I know I told you to prove it, 258 00:08:16,794 --> 00:08:18,461 but I got to get back to the bar. 259 00:08:18,486 --> 00:08:20,087 I just got a text from Javier that said, 260 00:08:20,112 --> 00:08:22,065 "fire extinguisher" question mark. 261 00:08:22,133 --> 00:08:24,067 Well, all I got to say is, buckle up, Miller. 262 00:08:24,369 --> 00:08:26,069 It's about to be a bumpy ride. 263 00:08:28,806 --> 00:08:30,829 Uh, where... where are my sunglasses? 264 00:08:30,854 --> 00:08:32,008 How the hell should I know? 265 00:08:32,033 --> 00:08:33,744 I specifically asked you to keep track of my sunglasses. 266 00:08:33,811 --> 00:08:36,251 And I told you I'm not your freaking mother. 267 00:08:36,276 --> 00:08:38,174 Okay, you know what, calm down, I'll just squint then. 268 00:08:38,908 --> 00:08:40,063 Do what you got to do, man. 269 00:08:40,088 --> 00:08:41,952 Is this how all partners talk to each other? 270 00:08:42,020 --> 00:08:44,252 Welcome to hell, Miller. 271 00:08:45,189 --> 00:08:46,923 I'm no good at normal life, 272 00:08:47,162 --> 00:08:50,651 but when I'm in the ocean and drinking wine... 273 00:08:51,529 --> 00:08:52,963 ...or spending time with a beautiful stranger... 274 00:08:54,527 --> 00:08:56,542 ...that's when I, uh, truly feel like myself. 275 00:08:56,921 --> 00:08:57,855 Mmm. 276 00:08:57,880 --> 00:08:58,647 Mm-hmm. 277 00:09:00,544 --> 00:09:02,393 How do you feel about a little manchego? 278 00:09:03,588 --> 00:09:06,063 I feel very good about it. 279 00:09:06,088 --> 00:09:07,561 We're not animals. 280 00:09:07,629 --> 00:09:09,196 Or maybe we are. 281 00:09:12,901 --> 00:09:13,901 Have you ever...? 282 00:09:13,969 --> 00:09:14,902 Hmm? 283 00:09:16,805 --> 00:09:18,606 I have too much manchego. 284 00:09:18,674 --> 00:09:19,840 Happens to the best of us. 285 00:09:19,908 --> 00:09:23,511 Have you ever had your eyebrows combed 286 00:09:23,578 --> 00:09:25,780 by a woman you just met? 287 00:09:29,818 --> 00:09:31,752 Yes. 288 00:09:38,088 --> 00:09:39,460 Ah. 289 00:09:39,854 --> 00:09:42,096 Jess, thank you. 290 00:09:42,164 --> 00:09:44,465 You know, I haven't had two hours of uninterrupted sleep 291 00:09:44,533 --> 00:09:47,393 since a month ago when Cece made me watch An Inconvenient Truth. 292 00:09:47,418 --> 00:09:49,713 Everything's under control. The bakery's sending over 293 00:09:49,738 --> 00:09:51,776 - three cakes for you to try. - Okay. 294 00:09:51,801 --> 00:09:55,432 And Gavin from the winery in Calabasas gave me a great deal. 295 00:09:58,513 --> 00:10:00,448 Uh, you met Gavin in Calabasas? 296 00:10:00,515 --> 00:10:02,750 I didn't just meet him, we kissed a little. 297 00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:06,080 No! 298 00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:07,755 Ugh! 299 00:10:07,823 --> 00:10:09,090 Schmidt, what happened? What's wrong? 300 00:10:11,526 --> 00:10:13,461 You just made out with my dad. 301 00:10:28,238 --> 00:10:29,505 Schmidt. 302 00:10:33,988 --> 00:10:36,111 Can I just say one thing? 303 00:10:39,308 --> 00:10:40,827 Hey, guys. 304 00:10:41,214 --> 00:10:43,347 So, how did it go today? 305 00:10:43,615 --> 00:10:44,886 Good. 306 00:10:45,129 --> 00:10:47,772 We got a lot accomplished. 307 00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:50,267 But, um... 308 00:10:50,334 --> 00:10:52,169 how do I say this? Um... 309 00:10:52,502 --> 00:10:54,605 I made out with Schmidt's dad. 310 00:10:57,539 --> 00:10:59,140 You did what? 311 00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:03,413 She lulled me to sleep and then went rogue. 312 00:11:03,481 --> 00:11:05,282 - You did what? - If your files had been clearly marked, 313 00:11:05,349 --> 00:11:06,950 none of this would be happening. 314 00:11:07,018 --> 00:11:08,218 You need better labels. 315 00:11:08,286 --> 00:11:09,713 Everything is perfectly clear. 316 00:11:09,738 --> 00:11:11,761 Chairs are color-coded under chartreuse, 317 00:11:11,786 --> 00:11:14,806 because it sounds like "chair truths." 318 00:11:14,831 --> 00:11:16,626 Salmon mongers are filed under fuchsia, 319 00:11:16,694 --> 00:11:19,129 because I "re-fuchsia" to serve salmon at this wedding. 320 00:11:19,197 --> 00:11:21,798 The groomsmen tuxes are under magenta, 321 00:11:21,866 --> 00:11:25,214 because "ma-gentlemen" will be wearing the dope tuxes. 322 00:11:25,239 --> 00:11:25,972 Is he a good kisser? 323 00:11:25,996 --> 00:11:27,996 Don't ask that, plea... And don't you answer it. 324 00:11:28,072 --> 00:11:30,339 It's withdrawn. I'm just freaking out right now. 325 00:11:30,364 --> 00:11:32,999 Okay, why don't we take this horrible, 326 00:11:33,024 --> 00:11:36,400 horrible, gross mistake into something positive? 327 00:11:36,425 --> 00:11:37,681 What if this is a sign 328 00:11:37,748 --> 00:11:40,691 that maybe you should reach out and talk to your dad again? 329 00:11:40,716 --> 00:11:41,649 Why? 330 00:11:41,674 --> 00:11:43,208 Why would I talk to my dad? 331 00:11:43,233 --> 00:11:45,886 He left my mom and basically missed my entire childhood. 332 00:11:45,911 --> 00:11:47,178 And every time I did invite him to something, 333 00:11:47,203 --> 00:11:49,702 he never showed up: middle school graduation, 334 00:11:49,727 --> 00:11:51,183 high school graduation, 335 00:11:51,215 --> 00:11:52,816 when I played the titular role 336 00:11:52,884 --> 00:11:54,684 in a stage adaptation of Uncle Buck. 337 00:11:54,751 --> 00:11:55,951 Well, he's taken up surfing now. 338 00:11:56,019 --> 00:11:57,653 Oh, he's taken up surfing? How nice. 339 00:11:57,721 --> 00:12:00,089 A middle-aged man who surfs and French-kisses his customers. 340 00:12:00,157 --> 00:12:01,490 What a hero. 341 00:12:01,558 --> 00:12:04,391 Why did you have his number in the wedding drive at all? 342 00:12:05,829 --> 00:12:09,098 Because I was maybe... 343 00:12:09,166 --> 00:12:11,434 warming up to the idea of inviting him, 344 00:12:11,501 --> 00:12:13,102 but now that the nightmare 345 00:12:13,170 --> 00:12:15,438 called "this afternoon" has happened, 346 00:12:15,722 --> 00:12:18,774 I can very well see that I'm not ready. 347 00:12:18,842 --> 00:12:22,111 So I'm sorry, Jess, but there will be no papa nah-nah 348 00:12:22,179 --> 00:12:23,813 at the wedding for you. 349 00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:25,448 I'm sorry! He was feeding me cheese, and I... 350 00:12:25,515 --> 00:12:27,116 - I d... Ugh. - Please stop. 351 00:12:27,184 --> 00:12:28,784 - Please. So many details. - Please. 352 00:12:28,852 --> 00:12:30,486 - And-and God for... if you... - Just... 353 00:12:30,554 --> 00:12:33,155 if the words "he unbuttoned my" comes out of your mouth, 354 00:12:33,223 --> 00:12:34,723 I'm gonna freak out! 355 00:12:34,791 --> 00:12:37,393 Oh, thank God, Winston. 356 00:12:37,461 --> 00:12:40,362 You're saving the city from a palm frond. 357 00:12:40,430 --> 00:12:42,891 Los Angeles can sleep soundly tonight, everybody. 358 00:12:42,916 --> 00:12:44,821 All right, it was a slow-ass day. 359 00:12:44,846 --> 00:12:46,235 Aly, will you tell him it's a slow-ass day? 360 00:12:46,303 --> 00:12:49,171 No, I'm not getting involved in this. 361 00:12:49,239 --> 00:12:52,074 I'm not gonna be the yardstick in a penis measuring contest. 362 00:12:52,142 --> 00:12:54,009 Did you say "yard"? Wow, who are you dating? 363 00:12:54,077 --> 00:12:55,244 Tape measure, fine. 364 00:12:55,312 --> 00:12:56,712 Okay, look, this has been great, 365 00:12:56,780 --> 00:12:58,247 uh, but I got to get back to the bar. 366 00:12:58,315 --> 00:12:59,582 7-8-6-3. 367 00:12:59,649 --> 00:13:02,915 Possible 4-5-9 at 2-7-3 Elm Cross and Fairbanks. 368 00:13:02,940 --> 00:13:04,372 Hell yes. 369 00:13:04,397 --> 00:13:06,165 4-2-4 responding. Over. 370 00:13:06,190 --> 00:13:07,022 Bar boy, get in. 371 00:13:07,090 --> 00:13:08,691 Aly, let's lock and load. 372 00:13:08,758 --> 00:13:10,559 Is your gun not loaded? 373 00:13:10,627 --> 00:13:13,346 You have to load your gun, Winston. 374 00:13:34,651 --> 00:13:35,584 Oh, no. 375 00:13:35,652 --> 00:13:38,621 Schmidt, um, that's your dad. 376 00:13:38,688 --> 00:13:39,494 What? 377 00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:42,100 What-what is my dad doing at our front door? 378 00:13:42,125 --> 00:13:43,626 He thinks we're going on a date. 379 00:13:43,693 --> 00:13:45,060 Why would he think that, Jess? 380 00:13:45,128 --> 00:13:47,129 Because I said, "Let's go on a date." 381 00:13:47,197 --> 00:13:48,797 I'll get rid of him. Go to your room and close the door. 382 00:13:48,865 --> 00:13:50,799 Do not tell me what to do; you are not my mom. 383 00:13:50,867 --> 00:13:52,301 Oh, that's disgusting. 384 00:13:52,369 --> 00:13:53,752 Just go. Go. 385 00:13:53,777 --> 00:13:54,970 Wait. Wait, wait. 386 00:13:55,038 --> 00:13:56,138 I don't trust you. 387 00:13:58,022 --> 00:14:00,672 Hey, Gavin! 388 00:14:06,414 --> 00:14:07,398 I know what this is. 389 00:14:07,415 --> 00:14:08,882 I'm not falling for it. 390 00:14:08,950 --> 00:14:11,552 You don't have to stage a crime to make your job look hard. 391 00:14:11,619 --> 00:14:13,554 Stay here. Make yourself as small a target as possible. 392 00:14:13,621 --> 00:14:14,688 I'll just be here 393 00:14:14,756 --> 00:14:17,057 napping out of boredom. 394 00:14:17,406 --> 00:14:19,040 I see signs of forced entry. 395 00:14:19,336 --> 00:14:21,095 Wait, wait, wait, wait! I got movement! 396 00:14:21,162 --> 00:14:23,063 I'm shaking in my boots! 397 00:14:23,481 --> 00:14:24,881 Oh, yeah, right, he's ru... No! 398 00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:26,061 Halt! Police! 399 00:14:30,638 --> 00:14:32,406 Aah! 400 00:14:32,474 --> 00:14:35,042 No! Get away! Get out! 401 00:14:36,144 --> 00:14:37,547 Okay, I get it! 402 00:14:37,572 --> 00:14:39,456 Your job is way harder than mine! 403 00:14:39,481 --> 00:14:41,553 Just make the bad man go away! 404 00:14:41,578 --> 00:14:43,083 - What? - Put the gun down! 405 00:14:43,151 --> 00:14:45,285 Yeah, my job is much harder! 406 00:14:45,353 --> 00:14:48,383 We're gonna make him go away! 407 00:14:48,437 --> 00:14:50,424 Can't stand to see Nick like this, you know. 408 00:14:50,492 --> 00:14:52,126 At least now, he understands being a cop 409 00:14:52,193 --> 00:14:54,461 is much harder than being a bartender. 410 00:14:55,096 --> 00:14:56,630 We all got to learn that lesson sometime. 411 00:14:56,698 --> 00:14:58,999 Idiot, he doesn't think his job is harder. 412 00:14:59,067 --> 00:15:00,134 He just wants you to see 413 00:15:00,201 --> 00:15:01,735 that he's grown and changed 414 00:15:01,803 --> 00:15:03,771 and whatever else stupid stuff people care about. 415 00:15:04,752 --> 00:15:05,548 Oh. 416 00:15:09,292 --> 00:15:10,244 Why are you looking at me like that? 417 00:15:10,311 --> 00:15:11,712 No, no, I... 418 00:15:11,780 --> 00:15:13,747 That's why I need my damn sunglasses, man! 419 00:15:13,815 --> 00:15:15,048 You shouldn't have them 420 00:15:15,116 --> 00:15:17,117 if you can't keep track of them, Winston. 421 00:15:17,185 --> 00:15:18,619 Come on, yeah. 422 00:15:18,955 --> 00:15:20,287 - No! No! - Hey, scoot over. 423 00:15:20,355 --> 00:15:21,488 No, not in here! Not in here, no! No! 424 00:15:21,556 --> 00:15:23,176 - You have the right to remain silent. - No! No! 425 00:15:24,518 --> 00:15:26,326 What are you doing with a video camera on your head? 426 00:15:26,394 --> 00:15:27,628 He is handsome. 427 00:15:27,695 --> 00:15:28,796 - That's a good question. - Oh, hey, look. 428 00:15:28,863 --> 00:15:30,430 That's-that's good news for you, okay. 429 00:15:30,498 --> 00:15:31,832 - It's for work. - I still hate him. 430 00:15:31,900 --> 00:15:33,834 They want to make sure that we don't teach evolution. 431 00:15:33,902 --> 00:15:34,968 I'm an educator, so... 432 00:15:35,036 --> 00:15:36,003 Oh, you told me. 433 00:15:36,070 --> 00:15:37,137 I believe you had me pressed up 434 00:15:37,205 --> 00:15:38,672 against a cask of Merlot at the time. 435 00:15:38,740 --> 00:15:41,275 He's a bottom? 436 00:15:41,342 --> 00:15:43,110 You want to give me the tour? 437 00:15:43,932 --> 00:15:45,779 Or should we just crack this open and make out? 438 00:15:46,987 --> 00:15:48,454 What a line. 439 00:15:48,479 --> 00:15:49,760 Who is this clown? 440 00:15:49,979 --> 00:15:52,219 - Bottle opener in here? - Well... oh. 441 00:15:53,487 --> 00:15:54,876 Oh, actually, 442 00:15:54,901 --> 00:15:57,357 um, change of plans... I can't go on a date tonight, 443 00:15:57,425 --> 00:16:00,127 because I have to have dinner with one of my friends' fathers, 444 00:16:00,195 --> 00:16:01,261 coincidentally. 445 00:16:01,329 --> 00:16:02,128 No pressure. 446 00:16:03,921 --> 00:16:05,599 It's just that I had a lot of fun today. 447 00:16:05,987 --> 00:16:07,267 And, uh, 448 00:16:07,854 --> 00:16:09,700 I'd like to see you again. 449 00:16:14,210 --> 00:16:15,477 - What was that? - Oh. 450 00:16:15,502 --> 00:16:18,301 Gunshots... the neighborhood's in a real slide. 451 00:16:21,369 --> 00:16:22,182 This is my son's name. 452 00:16:22,250 --> 00:16:23,350 7 billion people. 453 00:16:23,418 --> 00:16:24,792 There's got to be some overlap. 454 00:16:24,816 --> 00:16:26,930 We'd better get you back to Calabasas, mister. 455 00:16:26,955 --> 00:16:27,688 - Wait a minute. - 'Cause... 456 00:16:27,755 --> 00:16:29,344 This is my son! 457 00:16:29,369 --> 00:16:31,087 Oh, my God, do you know my son? 458 00:16:31,112 --> 00:16:32,359 Kind of. 459 00:16:32,427 --> 00:16:34,910 - Does he live here? - Uh... 460 00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:36,406 Is he here right now? 461 00:16:36,431 --> 00:16:39,227 I didn't know you were Schmidt's dad when we kissed. 462 00:16:39,252 --> 00:16:40,701 And you didn't know I was his roommate. 463 00:16:40,768 --> 00:16:43,203 And those are facts that will haunt us forever. 464 00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:46,735 But I can't let you go in there. 465 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:49,126 Because... he's not ready to see you. 466 00:16:49,151 --> 00:16:51,641 - And for once today, I... - Okay. 467 00:16:51,666 --> 00:16:53,180 I want to respect his wishes. 468 00:16:53,604 --> 00:16:54,597 I get it. 469 00:16:55,377 --> 00:16:57,117 Um, wait, wait, wait, wait. 470 00:16:57,185 --> 00:16:58,418 - No, I'll go. - Wait, wait. 471 00:16:58,486 --> 00:16:59,553 What? 472 00:16:59,621 --> 00:17:00,954 He's in there. 473 00:17:04,221 --> 00:17:05,826 Shh. 474 00:17:06,136 --> 00:17:07,440 She told him. 475 00:17:12,135 --> 00:17:13,040 Son? 476 00:17:13,065 --> 00:17:14,668 - Babe, I think you should watch. - I don't... 477 00:17:14,736 --> 00:17:15,869 - Son. - You should watch. 478 00:17:15,937 --> 00:17:17,504 I know you're mad. I get it. 479 00:17:17,572 --> 00:17:18,872 Do you want me to take this off? 480 00:17:18,940 --> 00:17:20,507 I didn't do a good job being your father. 481 00:17:20,575 --> 00:17:22,460 You're in a zone. I'm just gonna sit tight. 482 00:17:22,485 --> 00:17:23,813 And now you're getting married. 483 00:17:23,838 --> 00:17:24,578 I get it. 484 00:17:24,646 --> 00:17:26,213 I wouldn't have invited me, either. 485 00:17:26,281 --> 00:17:27,381 I've missed a lot. 486 00:17:28,503 --> 00:17:29,682 I'm sorry. 487 00:17:30,401 --> 00:17:31,718 In my defense, 488 00:17:31,786 --> 00:17:33,220 I was stoned for most of the '90s. 489 00:17:33,288 --> 00:17:34,588 And the 2000s. 490 00:17:34,656 --> 00:17:36,957 Full disclosure... I was stoned this morning. 491 00:17:37,783 --> 00:17:38,892 I like weed. 492 00:17:39,565 --> 00:17:40,963 But the point is, 493 00:17:42,213 --> 00:17:44,765 if you can forgive me even a little, 494 00:17:45,073 --> 00:17:46,627 I'd love to have a drink with you. 495 00:17:47,713 --> 00:17:49,903 And meet the man that you've become. 496 00:17:54,636 --> 00:17:55,589 Come on. 497 00:18:04,541 --> 00:18:05,809 Gavin. 498 00:18:06,198 --> 00:18:07,788 That's okay... Gavin, not Dad. 499 00:18:07,855 --> 00:18:08,588 That's just where I'm at right now. 500 00:18:08,656 --> 00:18:09,957 Understood. 501 00:18:10,024 --> 00:18:12,526 I'm grateful you're calling me anything at all. 502 00:18:13,174 --> 00:18:14,928 I wanted to say I'm sorry. 503 00:18:16,565 --> 00:18:18,633 And I know that it might not seem genuine, 504 00:18:18,658 --> 00:18:19,700 because the only reason I came here today 505 00:18:19,767 --> 00:18:21,969 was to do stuff with your roommate. 506 00:18:22,036 --> 00:18:24,438 But in the past ten years, 507 00:18:24,505 --> 00:18:27,323 I must've picked up that phone to call you and apologize 508 00:18:28,033 --> 00:18:29,682 a hundred times. 509 00:18:31,785 --> 00:18:33,319 I really am sorry. 510 00:18:35,049 --> 00:18:38,819 Gavin, this is my fiancée Cece. 511 00:18:39,484 --> 00:18:42,521 She is the reason that I am the man that I am today. 512 00:18:42,590 --> 00:18:44,091 It's wonderful to meet you, Cece. 513 00:18:44,584 --> 00:18:45,826 I'm the terrible father. 514 00:18:46,938 --> 00:18:47,798 Thank you. 515 00:18:47,823 --> 00:18:48,829 Because whatever you did 516 00:18:48,896 --> 00:18:50,163 or didn't do, 517 00:18:51,132 --> 00:18:52,933 Schmidt turned out amazing. 518 00:18:58,887 --> 00:18:59,776 All right. 519 00:18:59,801 --> 00:19:00,941 I'm gonna head out. 520 00:19:02,113 --> 00:19:03,988 I'm sure it will be a beautiful wedding. 521 00:19:06,652 --> 00:19:08,248 I wasn't very good at being married. 522 00:19:09,238 --> 00:19:11,910 But thankfully you seem like you're nothing like me. 523 00:19:15,301 --> 00:19:16,905 For what it's worth, 524 00:19:19,484 --> 00:19:21,627 I like the second option. 525 00:19:22,536 --> 00:19:23,829 Timeless. 526 00:19:24,732 --> 00:19:26,123 I agree. 527 00:19:30,605 --> 00:19:32,007 Good-bye. 528 00:19:35,805 --> 00:19:37,344 Okay, wa... uh... 529 00:19:38,131 --> 00:19:39,346 Wait, uh... 530 00:19:41,392 --> 00:19:43,020 Here, that's for you. 531 00:19:46,026 --> 00:19:48,055 Let's see if you can show up this time. 532 00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:50,057 I hope that you do. 533 00:19:51,893 --> 00:19:53,400 Thank you. 534 00:19:54,659 --> 00:19:56,627 There's no plus one, so don't even ask. 535 00:19:57,203 --> 00:19:58,470 I'll be there. 536 00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:05,671 Back to square one on the seating chart. 537 00:20:07,717 --> 00:20:08,717 Oh! 538 00:20:08,863 --> 00:20:11,081 Sorry, I'm a little bit jumpy. 539 00:20:11,106 --> 00:20:12,079 God, they should really make 540 00:20:12,146 --> 00:20:14,548 a TV show based off what you guys do. 541 00:20:14,615 --> 00:20:16,950 You know, I've been telling that to Aly since forever! 542 00:20:17,018 --> 00:20:18,118 It'd be a great idea. 543 00:20:18,186 --> 00:20:19,453 Hello, Hollywood! 544 00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:20,153 It's a big show! 545 00:20:20,221 --> 00:20:21,154 Yeah, it's a hit. 546 00:20:21,850 --> 00:20:23,802 I want to apologize. 547 00:20:23,827 --> 00:20:26,460 I'm sorry that I thought my job was harder than yours. 548 00:20:26,527 --> 00:20:28,295 It's not. I'm just making schedules 549 00:20:28,362 --> 00:20:29,930 and buying beer. 550 00:20:29,997 --> 00:20:31,398 Look, man. 551 00:20:31,466 --> 00:20:33,633 The whole thing has been pretty idiotic. 552 00:20:33,701 --> 00:20:36,269 You know, uh, my job is harder than yours. 553 00:20:36,337 --> 00:20:37,771 Yes, that's a fact. We all know it. 554 00:20:37,839 --> 00:20:39,806 But I got to say, man, this is first time 555 00:20:39,874 --> 00:20:41,942 I've seen you really care about your job. 556 00:20:42,895 --> 00:20:45,034 You're killing it. 557 00:20:45,059 --> 00:20:46,813 It means a lot to me that you said that. 558 00:20:46,881 --> 00:20:48,682 - So thank you. - Yeah, yeah. 559 00:20:48,749 --> 00:20:51,351 So, look, I got... I got us burgers. 560 00:20:51,419 --> 00:20:52,862 - Oh! - You know, 561 00:20:52,887 --> 00:20:54,488 I figured we're both too busy for steak. 562 00:20:54,555 --> 00:20:56,708 The tradition! 563 00:20:58,098 --> 00:20:59,860 Nick, I need a drink. 564 00:21:00,364 --> 00:21:02,462 It'd better be green, sweet and in a fun glass. 565 00:21:02,530 --> 00:21:03,563 Schmidt, are you okay? 566 00:21:03,919 --> 00:21:05,465 I mean, you look a little freaked... 567 00:21:05,533 --> 00:21:07,067 Oh... oh-oh, Cece! 568 00:21:07,135 --> 00:21:08,378 Cece's pregnant! 569 00:21:08,403 --> 00:21:09,302 - No. - Ow. 570 00:21:09,370 --> 00:21:10,973 Jess made out with Schmidt's dad. 571 00:21:11,278 --> 00:21:12,606 Oh, my God! 572 00:21:12,673 --> 00:21:15,175 So many emotions. 573 00:21:24,669 --> 00:21:25,685 Well, I mean, did you like it? 574 00:21:25,753 --> 00:21:28,155 - Don't answer that. - Ew, it was Schmidt's dad. 575 00:21:28,222 --> 00:21:29,622 You're not answering the question. 576 00:21:29,646 --> 00:21:30,757 No, she's not answering the question. 577 00:21:30,758 --> 00:21:32,492 Sweetie, you don't have to say anything. 578 00:21:34,583 --> 00:21:35,896 I liked it a little bit. 579 00:21:35,963 --> 00:21:38,899 Dude. 40002

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