Original subtitles

Ugh.

T.G.I.F. Am I right?You're telling me.

Been folding laundry since 3:00 a.m.

Got blisters on my fingers and bunions on my toes.

I tell you the king's horse kicked me in the head?

It's been a rough one, that's for sure.

Absolutely. It's been a rough week in the castle, too.

[ Shoes squeaking ]

Wednesday's bath?

[ Scoffs ] So tepid.

And don't even get me started on the lavender bath oils.

I mean, is it too much to ask for a spritz of honeysuckle?

T.G.I. bath.

Is that it? Is that the one you said?

I'd best get back to work, then.

Yeah.

Oh. Well, I mean, I-I think --

I think you have another few minutes on your break.

We prefer to just be done.

[ Sighs ]

[ Flames whoosh ]

Aah! Oh, God.

I'm -- I'm so sorry, Stan. I forget you were down there.

"Sorry"? [ Grunts ]

I see.

Lovely work, though, as always.

♪ I've gone down that road again ♪

♪ I've been there before

♪ Though want to know more

♪ It's always been

♪♪

♪♪

[ Sword slices, chicken clucks ]

♪♪

Damn it, I told you to kill CountPeter, not FriarPeter.

You know what? I can't deal with this anymore.

Just kill all the Peters.

Any Peter, just kill him.

Good morning, Lord Vexler.

Can this wait, Prince Chauncley?

I'm having kind of a tough day on the job.

As it happens, that is why I am here.

I've decided that I, too, would like a job.

You already have a job -- heir to the throne.

That's not enough anymore.

I want to do something real.

Something I can take pride in.

I don't care if it's the humblest job in the kingdom.

Eddie: ♪ Shoveling man, shoveling man ♪

♪ Nothing more humble than a shoveling man ♪

♪ Shoveling man, scooby-do...

Wowie.

This place is fancy-nancy.

So, uh, I assume I'm here to be tortured?

Actually, I was wondering if your business

was hiring at the moment?

Nah, I-I can't really afford to hire anyone right now.

I'm working 140 hours a week,

and my take-home's half a coin.

And that's not a big coin, either.

You know, usually it's one of the little guys.

Well, I have some good news.

I found you someone who will work for you for free.

Starting today, Prince Chauncley will be your intern.

Huh.

Does he have any shoveling experience?

Oh, no way.

He doesn't even know how to use a spoon.

I have to feed him soup like he's a baby.

So no qualifications.

I'll tell you his qualifications --

He's the king's son.

So no matter how badly he screws up,

you're gonna tell him that he's doing a great job.

And if you don't...

♪♪

Got it.

That means you'll kill me, right,

when you did the neck thing?

Mm-hmm. Okay.

Just wanted to make sure we're on the same page.

Thank you. Okay.

Alright, I hereby call to order this meeting

of the Lower Murkford Two Ladies Book Club.

This month, we're reading Virgil's "Aeneid."

Maggie, I "nee-id" to hear your thoughts.

Well, I "book" forward to telling you them.

And I also am here.

[ Chickens clucking in distance ]

Look, Mikey, it's -- it's fine that followed us here.

It's just that this club is really for people

who've read the book.

This is my one day off.

And I really -- I just want to catch up with Maggie

and my reading and --

Yeah, I get it.

Great.

Catch you later, buddy.

Yeah. I'll catch you later, buddy.

So...

♪♪

Agh!

Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me!

Sorry, friend.

We mistook you for a wealthy noble.

Release him!

[ Breathing heavily ]

Wait!

Who are you guys?

Us?

We're the Merry Band.

We take from the rich and give to the poor,

whilst living every day as an adventure.

Wow.

So you guys just hang out as, like, a whole group together?

[ All chuckling ]

You can join us if you wish.

Really?Yeah. There's just one condition.

You must be willing to...

♪ Sing

♪ We're a merry band, we're a merry band ♪

♪ We're all good friends, we're a merry, merry band ♪

♪ We take from the rich and give it to the poor ♪

♪ We're a fun little bunch right to our little core ♪

♪♪

Wha--

♪ We're a merry band, we're a merry band ♪

♪ We're all good friends, we're a merry, merry band ♪

♪ We're a merry band, we're a merry band ♪

♪ We're all good friends, we're a merry, merry band ♪

Wow.

[ Group cheering ]

Huzzah! Huzzah!

So, now we go and give it to the poor?

Nah. Now we call Jerry.

To buy drugs.

[ Whistles ]

Yo, Jerry!

Got the same shit from last week?

Yeah. 5 coins an ounce.

Price is going up, huh?

Let me get a little taste.

Yeah. [ Inhales deeply ]

Whew! That's good shit right there.

♪♪

Chauncley: Okay, boss, tell me how it's done.

Yeah. I mean, the job's easy enough.

All you do is, you knock on the door,

shovel it up, collect the money.

That's it. You got it?

-Easy-peasy! -Right.

[ Knocking ]

-Come in. -Hello.

[ People screaming ]

Any notes?

Uh...

No. No.

That was good, what you did.

Woman: She's dead!

Oh, shoot. I forgot to collect the money.

Should I go back in and grab it?

No. Don't worry about it.

They paid... in their own way.

[ Explosion, screaming ]

Yikes. We better boogie.

Yes, back to work!

Oh. Hey, Al.

Oh, hey, bud.

What -- What's that?

Oh, um... Oh, it's nothing.

I'm just, like, kind of in a merry band now.

Merry band?

You mean those burnouts in the woods?

Mikey, that's a gang.[ Scoffs ]

No, they're not. They're cool.

They sing and dance.

They've got one song, and it's terrible.

It's very repetitive.

They rhyme "merry band" with "merry band" a lot.

And it's all just very loud and sweaty.

Mikey, you -- you shouldn't hang out with those guys anymore.

Yeah, well, um, I'll catch you later, bud.

I have to say, lunch tastes so much better

when you've earned it through a hard day's labor.

Here comes the wagon.

Neigh. Neigh.

Mmm. Mmm!

Well, I'm refreshed.

Ready to go.

Who is next on the route?

Frank.

[ People screaming ]

He's a friend of mine.

Always been there for me. He's a good man.

He's got a wife and kids.

Oh. Well, I look forward to entering his home

and representing your business.

[ Explosion, screaming ]

Listen, uh, the thing is...

maybe on this one, you don't go in there.

Why not?

Have I been doing a bad job?

No!

You've been doing such a good job,

I-I want to give you a promotion.

Oh. Wow!

Okay. Uh, to what?

You're gonna...

watch for bears.

Yeah. Here's what you do.

Take this stick, okay?

And I want you to walk about 50 to 400 feet behind me.

Be real quiet.

And if you see a bear, then hit him

with the stick and shout and -- and yell, "Bear!"

This way, I'll know there's a bear, and, you know...

it'll play out from there.

I want you to know I do not take this honor lightly, sir.

To have earned your respect through my hard work alone...

it means the world to me.

I would not trade this stick for any gilded laurel.

Okay, great.

Bears, bears, bears.

♪♪

[ Sighs ]

♪♪

What ho, good fellows?

Not good, man.

The shit Jerry sold us is [bleep] stepped-on.

Oh, man. I'm having a bad day, too.

You know, I was walking to my house,

and I ran into my sister, and she was being so annoying.

She called you guys a gang.

Can you believe that?

You got a house?

Uh...yeah.

Are there valuables in there?

I mean, like, a couple.

Why? Let's go there.

To sing?

-Let's go there. -No.

You know what? Actually, Rocco, I'm sorry.

It's just that, um...

I'm not really supposed to have people over.

Come on, Mikey.

We're not just people. We're your friends.

Yeah. Uh, um, okay.

Follow me.

Bears, bears, bears.

♪♪

[ Sighs ]

Hey, kid. Are you alright?

Oh, yes. J-Just a little tired.

T.G.I.F.

[ Chuckles ] You said it.

I did.

Smoke?

Oh. Me?

Yes. Thank you.

Oh. Wow.

Hey, you know who you kinda look like?

That guy on the money.

Oh, um, yes.

Yeah. I get that a lot.

But, no, that's -- that's not me.

I'm just a laborer.

Well, good on you.

That's what this town needs --

plenty of hard-working young people.

Mm, yes, and fewer bears.

Oh, th-that's -- that's my line, you see.

I'm -- I'm a bear watcher.

What the hell is that?

Well, you know, I follow behind my boss

at a very great distance,

and I wave a small stick to fend off bears.

And, uh, how many bears did you fight off today?

Well, um...

Well, I-I suppose none.

[ Laughs ]

You got tricked good.

Yes, well, it's a very amusing jape.

Hey, kid.

Watch out for bears.

[ Laughter ]

Hey, guys, just try not to touch too much stuff, okay?

Oh, um...

What the hell is going on here?

Oh, um, hey, Al.

Sorry. We're just hanging.

Hey, you can't smoke in here.

We have a thatched roof. -Oh, sorry, Constable.

[ Clatter ]

Okay, that's it. Everyone out.

What?! Out! Get out!

Al -- Al: Go! Out!

What the --

Hey, Rocco!

What the heck, Al?

We were just chilling.

Yeah, well, they robbed us.

What? Look!

They stole my book.

Well, no --

Well, it couldn't have been them.

Come on. They wouldn't steal. Those guys?

Klepto Kyle? Sticky-Fingers Pete?

Rocco the Convicted Thief?

There's no way they'd do that. They're my friends.

They're not your friends, Mikey.

They never wanted to hang out with you.

They just knew you were an easy target.

Oh.

Mikey.

Shit.

[ Bells jingling ]

[ Door opens, closes ]

[ Sighs ]

Look, Mikey, it's not your fault

those guys turned out to be such jerks.

And I know how hard it is to feel different.

No, you don't, Al.

You're different in good ways.

You're smart and cool. I'm just dumb and stupid.

That's why you don't like hanging out with me.

I get it, you know?

I do dumb things, like letting those jerks steal your book.

Maybe we can get it back.

How?

I'm not sure.

But maybe we can figure it out together?

♪♪

There he is.

Congrats on a bear-free day.

Stop lying to me, Mr. Shitshoveler.

I know there are no bears.

Or at least far fewer than you led me to believe.

You were just trying to get rid of me

because you think I'm incompetent.

Oh, come on. I mean, with all that soup you eat?

You got to be regular as hell.No.

I mean you think I'm bad at things.

I don't think you're bad at things.

Yes, I am.

I don't deserve to wear this smock.

[ Grunting ]

I'm stuck.

Alright, don't worry.

Let's face it.

I'm...

worthless.

If I wasn't the son of the king, I'd have nothing.

I mean, it's hard to argue with that.

But it's not your fault.

Why not?

Well, your problem isn't that you're bad at things.

It's that people don't tellyou that you're bad at things.

Including me.

Alright, how about this?

Clean slate.

You start right from the beginning.

And this time, if you screw up, I'll let you know.

Really?

Really.

So, let's go over some shovel motions, alright?

The first one you're gonna master is the scoop.

Scoop.

Alright, so, what you're gonna wanna do

is get your blade close to the ground.

Mm-hmm. Right?

Like this. Yeah.

Yeah. Now give it a shot.

Okay. Yeah.

[ Breathes deeply ]

[ People screaming ]

Woman: She's dead!

Any notes?

You did bad.

Mm. I have to be honest.

I don't think shoveling's for you.

Oof. Well, that hurts.

But thank you.

Any time.

Ohh!

Shall we boogie?

Yeah!

What am I supposed to do with some book?

Come on, man. It's a classic.

It's gotta be worth at least an eighth.Mikey: Hey, best friends.

Sorry I'm late to buying drugs.

I had to swing by the bank.

Apparently, my rich uncle just died,

and I inherited all this gold.

I wasn't supposed to tell anyone, but I trust you guys

'cause you're my friends.

Yeah, definitely. Yeah.

Hey, I'll trade you this thing for the gold.

Wow. That's a great deal.

Here you go.

-Let me see. -Al, now!

♪♪

This isn't gold.

It's just dirt.

Yeah, that's right.

Who's the dumb one now? [ Laughs ]

It's you!

-Ow! -[ Laughing ]

You did great, buddy.

We've got the book back,

and all they've got is a worthless bag of dirt.

Yeah.

I mean, it wasn't worthless, but...

Ahh.

Wait. What?

I mean, that was expensive.

You bought the dirt?

Yeah. When?

Earlier.

From who? The Merry Band.

What?

Oh, dang it!

Maybe we can still get it back.

No, we can still trade the book for the dirt.

Would that work?

Hey. Yeah?

How about, instead, you and me go grab some dinner?

Really? I'll race you home.

[ Both laugh ]

Guys, we've been over this.

When you poison someone, you have to write it down.

We need to be keeping track of this stuff.

Who's been poisoned? Who hasn't been poisoned?

Otherwise, we're re-poisoning people, wasting poison.

Good evening, Lord Vexler.

Oh, hi, Prince. How was your internship?

Ah, it didn't exactly work out.

Oh. Well, don't worry, Your Highness.

I will take care of that peasant.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. No, it wasn't his fault.

I was just really, really bad at it.

Yeah, I-I burned down several structures,

I got myself stuck in my smock,

and I humiliated myself in public.

Yes. In many ways, it was the worst day of my life.

Oh, wow. That sounds awful.

Mm.

Uh, but, hey...

T.G.I.F.

Yes.

♪♪

Thank you. Y-Yeah.

Sure.

Your soup, sir.

Oh.

Uh, no.

No. Thank you.

♪♪

[ Breathes deeply ]

Wagon.

♪♪

Ahh.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Vampire Weekend's "This Life" plays ]

♪ But I've been cheating through this life ♪

♪ And all its suffering

♪ Oh, Christ

♪ Am I good for nothing?

♪ This life