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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 2 00:00:41,438 --> 00:00:44,973 It was the nicest little whorehouse you ever saw. 3 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:57,826 It lay about a mile outside the city limits, so everybody could feel real friendly. 4 00:00:57,956 --> 00:01:02,498 Sheriff Jack Roy Wallace picked it out for Miss Wulla Jean in 1910,... 5 00:01:02,628 --> 00:01:07,787 ...and she moved there with her girls from over the hardware store on main street. 6 00:01:09,050 --> 00:01:11,921 } 0h, the little house lay 7 00:01:12,053 --> 00:01:14,923 } In a green Texas glade 8 00:01:15,057 --> 00:01:18,342 } Where the trees were as coolin' 9 00:01:18,477 --> 00:01:21,146 } As fresh lemonade 10 00:01:22,022 --> 00:01:26,981 } Soft summer wind had a trace of perfume 11 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:32,270 } And a fan was turnin' in every room 12 00:01:33,117 --> 00:01:35,988 } Twenty fans were turnin', they were turnin' 13 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:38,611 } Twenty fans were turnin' in every room 14 00:01:39,039 --> 00:01:41,792 } Fevers were a-burnin', they were burnin' 15 00:01:42,459 --> 00:01:45,460 } And they had to have a way to cool down 16 00:01:53,679 --> 00:01:57,013 Right from the beginning, the little house was special,... 17 00:01:57,141 --> 00:01:59,467 ...like a home away from home. 18 00:01:59,602 --> 00:02:03,814 Miss Wulla Jean put a Pianola in the parlour to sorta help break the ice. 19 00:02:03,941 --> 00:02:08,982 A fella could ask a girl to dance or, if he held back a little, she'd ask him. 20 00:02:09,113 --> 00:02:12,067 And pretty soon they'd get a little business goin'. 21 00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:14,157 Two dollars' worth. 22 00:02:14,284 --> 00:02:16,361 Yahoo! 23 00:02:16,495 --> 00:02:21,786 It wasn't long before it became one of the better-known pleasure palaces in Texas. 24 00:02:21,916 --> 00:02:25,618 So much so that the fellas who visited during World War I... 25 00:02:25,754 --> 00:02:28,327 ...sent their sons back in World War I I. 26 00:02:29,050 --> 00:02:32,088 The hospitality and friendliness never changed,... 27 00:02:32,220 --> 00:02:35,221 ...and neither did Miss Wulla Jean's strict set of rules. 28 00:02:35,349 --> 00:02:37,719 She liked her ladies, as she called 'em,... 29 00:02:37,851 --> 00:02:42,809 ...to treat her customers real good, but never in an unladylike way. 30 00:02:45,274 --> 00:02:49,605 And she insisted that each girl check her gentleman for the clap... 31 00:02:49,738 --> 00:02:52,774 ...and wash him off with soap and warm water. 32 00:02:52,908 --> 00:02:56,241 Some of the fellas claimed that that was the best part! 33 00:02:56,452 --> 00:02:58,694 Oo-ee! 34 00:03:01,792 --> 00:03:06,917 It was only durin' the Hoover Depression that the little house had tough times. 35 00:03:07,048 --> 00:03:10,132 Miss Wulla Jean put in a jukebox to spark up business. 36 00:03:10,842 --> 00:03:14,676 But it wasn't always easy in them days to come up with hard cash. 37 00:03:14,805 --> 00:03:16,845 (clucking) 38 00:03:16,974 --> 00:03:19,809 Well, you just keep that in the bag... 39 00:03:19,935 --> 00:03:23,103 ...and I'll take it out back as soon as we're finished. 40 00:03:26,317 --> 00:03:28,938 So for a while, as the story goes,... 41 00:03:29,070 --> 00:03:32,237 ...the girls began acceptin' poultry in trade. 42 00:03:32,365 --> 00:03:34,322 0ne bird, one lay. 43 00:03:34,661 --> 00:03:37,281 And that's how the place got its name. 44 00:03:37,413 --> 00:03:39,653 The Chicken Ranch. 45 00:03:43,251 --> 00:03:45,576 Course, if you grew up anywhere in Texas,... 46 00:03:45,713 --> 00:03:49,413 ...you knew at an early age they was sellin' somethin' out there,... 47 00:03:49,549 --> 00:03:52,005 ...and it wasn't poultry. 48 00:04:13,740 --> 00:04:15,864 } Twenty fans were turnin', they were turnin' 49 00:04:15,992 --> 00:04:18,033 } Twenty fans were turnin' in every room 50 00:04:18,161 --> 00:04:20,534 } Fevers were a-burnin', they were burnin' 51 00:04:20,664 --> 00:04:22,373 } And they had to have a way to cool down 52 00:04:22,499 --> 00:04:24,492 } Twenty fans were hummin', they were hummin' 53 00:04:24,626 --> 00:04:26,619 } Twenty fans were hummin' in every room 54 00:04:26,753 --> 00:04:29,161 } Customers were comin', they were comin' 55 00:04:29,298 --> 00:04:31,255 } And they had to have a way to cool down 56 00:04:33,219 --> 00:04:35,047 (whooping) 57 00:04:59,247 --> 00:05:01,120 } Twenty fans were turnin', they were turnin' 58 00:05:01,247 --> 00:05:03,324 } Twenty fans were turnin' in every room 59 00:05:03,460 --> 00:05:05,784 } Fevers were a-burnin', they were burnin' 60 00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:07,463 } And they had to have a way to cool down 61 00:05:07,589 --> 00:05:09,877 } Twenty fans were hummin', they were hummin' 62 00:05:10,007 --> 00:05:12,048 } Twenty fans were hummin' in every room 63 00:05:12,177 --> 00:05:14,466 } Customers were comin', they were comin' 64 00:05:14,595 --> 00:05:17,881 } And they had to have a way to cool down 65 00:05:19,767 --> 00:05:22,387 Y'all come back now, you hear? 66 00:05:24,272 --> 00:05:25,053 Yahoo! 67 00:05:25,190 --> 00:05:26,897 } Twenty fans were turnin', they were turnin' 68 00:05:27,025 --> 00:05:28,649 } Twenty fans were turnin' in every room 69 00:05:28,777 --> 00:05:30,604 } Fevers were a-burnin', they were burnin' 70 00:05:30,737 --> 00:05:32,978 } And they had to have a way to cool down 71 00:05:44,918 --> 00:05:46,496 } Twenty fans were turnin', they were turnin' 72 00:05:46,627 --> 00:05:48,336 } Twenty fans were turnin' in every room 73 00:05:48,464 --> 00:05:50,419 } Fevers were a-burnin', they were burnin' 74 00:05:50,549 --> 00:05:53,753 } And they had to have a way to cool down 75 00:05:53,885 --> 00:05:59,093 - } Hallelujah - } Hallelujah 76 00:06:15,617 --> 00:06:19,995 For three generations, the Chicken Ranch went peacefully about its business... 77 00:06:20,121 --> 00:06:22,744 ...while the people in Gilbert went about theirs. 78 00:06:22,873 --> 00:06:26,077 That is, until about seven years ago. 79 00:06:28,087 --> 00:06:31,920 I was a deputy back then, workin' for Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd. 80 00:06:32,634 --> 00:06:35,421 You wanted me to remind you about your appointment. 81 00:06:35,555 --> 00:06:39,220 That was right after I had lost the fried chicken franchise,... 82 00:06:39,350 --> 00:06:44,428 ...while Ed Earl had been sheriff ever since old Jack Roy Wallace retired. 83 00:06:44,564 --> 00:06:48,063 Everybody liked Ed Earl, especially Ed Earl. 84 00:06:50,653 --> 00:06:54,983 Course, he sure did know his job, and he was a big influence on me. 85 00:06:55,117 --> 00:06:57,571 Taught me everything I know. 86 00:06:58,536 --> 00:07:00,824 He used to like to run a quiet town... 87 00:07:00,956 --> 00:07:05,867 ...with plenty of time off for socialisin' and coffee over at Dulcie Mae's Caf�. 88 00:07:06,002 --> 00:07:10,331 0h, now and again there'd be a problem, and we had some tough ones. 89 00:07:10,465 --> 00:07:12,921 Like the time the mule sat on Miss Modene's car. 90 00:07:13,052 --> 00:07:16,087 (Miss Modene) He just buckled up his legs and sat down. 91 00:07:16,221 --> 00:07:20,350 She was really havin' a hissy fit, but it didn't faze Ed Earl. 92 00:07:20,476 --> 00:07:24,093 He just walked over to that jackass and laid down the law. 93 00:07:24,980 --> 00:07:28,350 You see, Ed Earl always believed in talkin' first. 94 00:07:28,484 --> 00:07:32,813 Cool reasonin', he used to tell me, could solve any problem. 95 00:07:32,946 --> 00:07:35,402 Course, he did have a bit of a temper. 96 00:07:41,206 --> 00:07:46,365 Anyway, just about the time he became sheriff, Miss Wulla Jean passed on. 97 00:07:46,502 --> 00:07:50,998 She left the Chicken Ranch to her favourite workin' girl, Mona Stangely,... 98 00:07:51,132 --> 00:07:54,169 ...who saw the little house as a Texas institution... 99 00:07:54,302 --> 00:07:56,591 ...and aimed to keep it that way. 100 00:07:56,971 --> 00:07:59,011 (} honky-tonk piano) 101 00:08:16,492 --> 00:08:23,705 } It's just a little-bitty pissant country place 102 00:08:24,790 --> 00:08:27,497 } Ain't nothin' much to see 103 00:08:28,379 --> 00:08:30,620 } No drinkin' allowed 104 00:08:31,049 --> 00:08:33,669 } We get a nice quiet crowd 105 00:08:34,175 --> 00:08:36,750 } Plain as it can be 106 00:08:36,889 --> 00:08:43,058 } It's just a piddly, squattin' old-time country place 107 00:08:44,060 --> 00:08:46,933 } Ain't nothin' too high-toned 108 00:08:48,067 --> 00:08:50,308 } Just lots of goodwill 109 00:08:51,194 --> 00:08:53,437 } And maybe one small thrill 110 00:08:54,197 --> 00:08:56,984 } But there's nothin' dirty goin' on 111 00:08:57,617 --> 00:08:59,325 } Nothin' dirty goin' on 112 00:08:59,996 --> 00:09:04,122 } We get simple farmers, local businessmen 113 00:09:04,706 --> 00:09:09,085 } Congress folks from Austin, young boys lookin' for sin 114 00:09:09,213 --> 00:09:11,421 } Now, we used to get a lot of roughnecks 115 00:09:11,550 --> 00:09:13,589 } When the oil boom was high 116 00:09:14,011 --> 00:09:16,168 } But payday'd get a little rowdy 117 00:09:16,304 --> 00:09:18,261 } Thank God the field run dry 118 00:09:18,390 --> 00:09:21,509 } It's just a little-bitty pissant country place 119 00:09:21,851 --> 00:09:23,678 } Nothin' much to see 120 00:09:23,811 --> 00:09:26,481 } No drinkin' allowed, we get a nice quiet crowd 121 00:09:26,606 --> 00:09:28,313 } Plain as it can be 122 00:09:28,441 --> 00:09:31,607 } It's just a piddly, squattin' old-time country place 123 00:09:31,736 --> 00:09:33,444 } Nothin' too high-toned 124 00:09:33,571 --> 00:09:36,062 } Just lots of goodwill and maybe one small thrill 125 00:09:36,199 --> 00:09:38,736 } But there's nothin' dirty goin' on 126 00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:41,201 } Keep your language clean, girls 127 00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:43,370 } Keep your bedrooms neat 128 00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:48,002 } And don't hang around the town caf� and say hi on the street 129 00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:50,454 } Mind your p's and q's and manners 130 00:09:50,589 --> 00:09:53,079 } And you don't need no other tools 131 00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:57,879 } Cos every girl that lives here knows my special no-no rules 132 00:09:58,180 --> 00:10:02,392 } Yeah, every girl that lives here knows Miss Mona's no-no rules 133 00:10:02,518 --> 00:10:05,388 - Ruby Rae, start 'em. - } Beds are not to be wallowed in 134 00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:08,271 } That's the kind of thing that big fat lazy hogs do 135 00:10:08,398 --> 00:10:11,152 - It don't make money. Beatrice? - } And I won't tolerate 136 00:10:11,276 --> 00:10:15,027 } No tyin' up my telephone with other people's business 137 00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:16,861 Eloise, honey? 138 00:10:17,366 --> 00:10:21,991 } And please don't show us no tattoos, no hearts and flowers on your thigh 139 00:10:22,121 --> 00:10:24,244 It's downright tacky. 140 00:10:24,373 --> 00:10:25,785 } Brands belong on cattle 141 00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:28,752 } And that ain't what we're sellin' at Miss Mona's 142 00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,421 Do you catch my drift? 143 00:10:30,546 --> 00:10:33,750 } I pay the food and the rent and the utilities 144 00:10:33,882 --> 00:10:37,133 } You keep your mind on your work responsibilities 145 00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:40,962 } Don't let your mouth overload your capabilities 146 00:10:41,309 --> 00:10:43,265 } And we can get along 147 00:10:43,394 --> 00:10:44,673 Dawn? 148 00:10:44,813 --> 00:10:48,063 } Any bad habits you come in with, get rid of right now 149 00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:51,395 } I can't stand no chewin' gum, it looks just like a cow 150 00:10:51,527 --> 00:10:54,611 } Anyone takin' sick leave oughta be real sure they're sick 151 00:10:54,740 --> 00:10:56,862 } And every time you hear that bell 152 00:10:58,574 --> 00:10:59,857 } You better get here double-quick 153 00:10:59,994 --> 00:11:01,275 } And as for pimps 154 00:11:01,413 --> 00:11:05,280 } Pimps are somethin' you don't need to get your daily business done 155 00:11:05,417 --> 00:11:06,791 Are you listenin' good? 156 00:11:06,917 --> 00:11:09,326 } Keep them leeches and bloodsuckers off the back roads 157 00:11:09,464 --> 00:11:13,331 } I know how to use a gun and nobody messes with my girls 158 00:11:13,925 --> 00:11:17,092 } And any questions you might have about the way I run this place 159 00:11:17,221 --> 00:11:19,972 } Don't gripe and whine behind my back 160 00:11:20,225 --> 00:11:22,301 } Just tell me face-to-face, I'm open-minded 161 00:11:22,434 --> 00:11:24,723 } Say it all, then go upstairs and pack 162 00:11:25,228 --> 00:11:26,557 } The door's thataway 163 00:11:26,981 --> 00:11:30,231 } She pays the food and the rent and the utilities 164 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:33,644 } We keep our mind on our work responsibilities 165 00:11:33,779 --> 00:11:37,314 } Don't let your mouth overload your capabilities 166 00:11:37,574 --> 00:11:39,899 } And we can get along 167 00:11:40,411 --> 00:11:45,073 Well, howdy, boys. It's good to see you. Nice to meet you. 168 00:11:45,209 --> 00:11:48,661 Come on over here. I'd like you to meet my girls. 169 00:11:49,129 --> 00:11:56,625 } It's just a little-bitty pissant country place 170 00:11:57,303 --> 00:12:00,091 } Nothin' much to see 171 00:12:00,682 --> 00:12:05,095 } No drinkin' allowed, we get a nice quiet crowd 172 00:12:05,521 --> 00:12:07,762 } Plain as it can be 173 00:12:07,898 --> 00:12:12,973 } It's just a piddly, squattin' old-time country place 174 00:12:13,696 --> 00:12:15,854 } Nothin' too high-toned 175 00:12:15,989 --> 00:12:18,860 } Just lots of goodwill and maybe one small thrill 176 00:12:18,991 --> 00:12:20,901 } But there's nothin' dirty goin' on 177 00:12:21,035 --> 00:12:24,321 } It's just a little-bitty pissant country place 178 00:12:24,456 --> 00:12:26,081 } Nothin' much to see 179 00:12:26,208 --> 00:12:28,830 } No drinkin' allowed, we get a nice quiet crowd 180 00:12:28,961 --> 00:12:30,457 } Plain as it can be 181 00:12:30,587 --> 00:12:33,838 } It's just a piddly, squattin' old-time country place 182 00:12:33,966 --> 00:12:35,709 } Nothin' too high-toned 183 00:12:35,843 --> 00:12:38,002 } Just lots of goodwill and maybe one small thrill 184 00:12:38,219 --> 00:12:40,379 } Just lots of goodwill and maybe one small thrill 185 00:12:40,598 --> 00:12:42,887 } Just lots of goodwill and maybe one small thrill 186 00:12:43,018 --> 00:12:45,010 } But there's nothin' dirty goin' on 187 00:12:47,773 --> 00:12:50,179 - } Nothin' dirty goin' on - Yeah! 188 00:12:51,694 --> 00:12:53,733 (crows) 189 00:12:55,323 --> 00:12:59,023 Well, everything was goin' along fine, just like always,... 190 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:02,444 ...until that famous college football celebration. 191 00:13:02,580 --> 00:13:05,035 Some think that's when the trouble started. 192 00:13:05,792 --> 00:13:07,830 For years, the winning seniors... 193 00:13:07,959 --> 00:13:11,790 ...of the Texas Aggie/Texas U football game at Thanksgiving... 194 00:13:11,924 --> 00:13:14,792 ...were treated to a night out at the Chicken Ranch... 195 00:13:14,925 --> 00:13:17,131 ...by their alumni association. 196 00:13:17,262 --> 00:13:21,474 But, actually, the real trouble started brewin' about three days before. 197 00:13:30,442 --> 00:13:33,358 I can't tell you how thrilled we are with your contribution. 198 00:13:33,487 --> 00:13:35,608 - Here's your receipt. - Thank you, Rita. 199 00:13:35,738 --> 00:13:38,608 Those kids'll be so excited, and the mayor too. 200 00:13:38,742 --> 00:13:41,527 The council will probably vote you another plaque. 201 00:13:41,661 --> 00:13:44,578 Lord, I hope not. I got a closet full of 'em now! 202 00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:47,996 Hello, Dulcie Mae. You know Miss Mona. 203 00:13:48,710 --> 00:13:51,877 Oh, yes, of course! We've met. Mornin'. 204 00:13:52,006 --> 00:13:54,212 - Good mornin'. - Isn't this wonderful? 205 00:13:54,340 --> 00:13:58,470 Miss Mona has just capped the goal for the Little League fund campaign. 206 00:13:58,595 --> 00:14:01,169 Oh, how nice! 207 00:14:01,307 --> 00:14:05,139 Well, on behalf of my son and his team-mates, I wanna thank you. 208 00:14:05,269 --> 00:14:09,268 You tell 'em I'll be well repaid when they take the championship next year. 209 00:14:09,397 --> 00:14:12,149 - Goodbye, Rita. - I'm sorry the sheriff wasn't here. 210 00:14:12,276 --> 00:14:14,944 He went to Meritsville. He'll be gone all afternoon. 211 00:14:15,072 --> 00:14:17,147 Well, you tell him I said hi. 212 00:14:17,282 --> 00:14:19,274 - Bye. - Bye. 213 00:14:19,409 --> 00:14:20,952 Bye. 214 00:14:31,296 --> 00:14:34,001 - Hey, Miss Mona. - How are you doin', Deputy Fred? 215 00:14:34,132 --> 00:14:38,001 - It's nice to see you. - Keepin' an eye on my place at night? 216 00:14:38,137 --> 00:14:40,888 The sheriff's real particular about security there. 217 00:14:41,013 --> 00:14:43,422 Well, one of these nights, you drop in. 218 00:14:43,558 --> 00:14:46,927 My girls would love to show you a little appreciation. 219 00:14:47,063 --> 00:14:49,637 Shoot, Miss Mona! You know I'm a married man. 220 00:14:49,773 --> 00:14:52,811 Fred, you think the cows don't appreciate the time off... 221 00:14:52,943 --> 00:14:55,778 ...when a bull goes over to another pasture? 222 00:14:55,905 --> 00:14:57,944 Miss Mona! 223 00:14:58,657 --> 00:15:02,192 - See you later, Miss Mona. - OK. Goodbye. 224 00:15:49,293 --> 00:15:51,868 - Damn it! - What's the matter? 225 00:15:52,005 --> 00:15:54,127 - You're in bed already. - So? 226 00:15:54,257 --> 00:15:58,469 So I told you a hundred times - watching you get undressed is the best part. 227 00:15:58,594 --> 00:16:00,467 The best part? 228 00:16:00,597 --> 00:16:03,966 Well, maybe not the best part, but in the top two. 229 00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:09,012 Now, would I wanna disappoint my little honey? 230 00:16:10,982 --> 00:16:12,808 Whoo! 231 00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:15,643 - I'm glad I was late. - Me too! 232 00:16:15,779 --> 00:16:18,899 You just hold your horses. I got a surprise for you. 233 00:16:19,033 --> 00:16:23,825 I went by the post office. I picked up a package from Frederick's of Hollywood. 234 00:16:23,954 --> 00:16:26,623 Just a little something sexy I thought you'd like. 235 00:16:26,749 --> 00:16:29,204 Little? It don't look little to me. 236 00:16:29,333 --> 00:16:32,454 Well, it ain't a trainin' bra, but I believe I can fill it out. 237 00:16:32,589 --> 00:16:36,502 - I don't think you got any problem there. - I'll be back with more. 238 00:16:36,633 --> 00:16:41,757 (chuckles) You know, Mona, I've known a lot of women in my life. 239 00:16:41,889 --> 00:16:44,641 None of 'em have ever been exciting to me like you are. 240 00:16:44,766 --> 00:16:48,515 Really? Even after all these years we've been meetin' like this? 241 00:16:48,648 --> 00:16:51,101 I'll tell you something. 242 00:16:53,277 --> 00:16:57,404 A year with you is like... a minute of sheer happiness. 243 00:16:58,157 --> 00:17:02,733 Well, now, that is just about the sweetest thing anybody ever said to me. 244 00:17:02,870 --> 00:17:05,195 I know. 245 00:17:05,330 --> 00:17:07,406 You know, honey... 246 00:17:07,541 --> 00:17:10,541 ...you bring out the... romantic in me. 247 00:17:17,176 --> 00:17:18,505 Ta-da! 248 00:17:20,095 --> 00:17:22,302 Whoo! You did that real fast. 249 00:17:22,432 --> 00:17:25,386 I've had a lot of practice gettin' in and out of my clothes. 250 00:17:25,518 --> 00:17:27,758 How do you like the outfit? 251 00:17:28,646 --> 00:17:32,312 Hot damn. Makes me feel real sexy! 252 00:17:33,652 --> 00:17:35,691 Whoo! 253 00:17:39,824 --> 00:17:41,983 Well, you don't look real sexy. 254 00:17:42,119 --> 00:17:44,359 - I look like I always look. - That's just it. 255 00:17:44,495 --> 00:17:48,197 It's them damn droopy boxer drawers. I just hate the looks of them. 256 00:17:48,333 --> 00:17:51,667 - I've worn boxer shorts for years! - And they look like it. 257 00:17:51,796 --> 00:17:56,008 These are a brand-new pair. I don't know what you're talkin' about. 258 00:17:56,133 --> 00:17:59,419 People tell me I have a real sexy quality about me. 259 00:17:59,553 --> 00:18:01,879 Well, you do, but them boxer shorts don't. 260 00:18:02,014 --> 00:18:05,633 But when I was gettin' me some sexy things, I thought about you. 261 00:18:05,768 --> 00:18:07,890 They have a his-and-hers department... 262 00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:11,055 ...and I thought you might wanna try that on for size. 263 00:18:12,066 --> 00:18:14,937 What the hell is it? A Japanese slingshot? 264 00:18:15,069 --> 00:18:19,114 No, it's Jockey shorts with little silver snaps on the side. 265 00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:23,024 Mm. "Little" is the key word here. They are real little. 266 00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:27,242 A guy could hurt himself wearin' those. I don't think so, thank you very much. 267 00:18:27,374 --> 00:18:31,952 Ed Earl, I paid $20 for these, plus postage, and I want you to wear 'em. 268 00:18:32,671 --> 00:18:35,126 - You paid $20 for these? - Yes! 269 00:18:35,257 --> 00:18:37,749 Well, you got screwed. 270 00:18:38,134 --> 00:18:41,385 - Come on, Ed Earl! - No! 271 00:18:41,512 --> 00:18:46,055 If they look half as good as I think, you ain't gonna wear 'em but a second. 272 00:18:46,185 --> 00:18:48,224 Maybe less. 273 00:18:48,936 --> 00:18:51,346 - They're ridiculous. - They're sexy. 274 00:18:51,482 --> 00:18:53,225 No, no, no! 275 00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:56,111 Well, fine! I'm gettin' dressed and goin' home. 276 00:18:56,238 --> 00:19:00,151 Well, fine! I'm goin' in the bathroom and... put these on. 277 00:19:04,704 --> 00:19:07,824 Be like puttin' two bowlin' balls in a marble bag. 278 00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:10,704 Braggin', braggin', braggin'. 279 00:19:14,338 --> 00:19:18,417 - Well, I saw Dulcie Mae in town today. - Oh, yeah? 280 00:19:18,551 --> 00:19:21,636 I guess you'll be goin' there for Thanksgivin' dinner. 281 00:19:21,763 --> 00:19:25,597 - Don't I always? - You better check that turkey of hers... 282 00:19:25,725 --> 00:19:30,020 ...because there's a hook in there that's gonna drag your ass to a weddin' chapel. 283 00:19:30,148 --> 00:19:32,389 (chuckles) No way. 284 00:19:35,694 --> 00:19:39,228 I don't believe in matrimony. It screws up a relationship. 285 00:19:39,365 --> 00:19:41,690 Amen to that, Ed Earl. 286 00:19:42,826 --> 00:19:46,160 - Ready? - Oh, I'm always ready. 287 00:19:51,586 --> 00:19:54,457 Well, hellfire! Is that it? 288 00:19:54,588 --> 00:19:58,669 - How'd you like it? - I didn't hardly get to even see them! 289 00:19:58,802 --> 00:20:01,802 That's all you're gonna see, cos I ain't parading around. 290 00:20:01,930 --> 00:20:03,722 - Oh, come on, Ed Earl. - No! 291 00:20:03,848 --> 00:20:06,256 - For me. - No. 292 00:20:06,392 --> 00:20:09,145 - One itsy-bitsy peek? - What are you doin'? 293 00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:14,525 Now, that's what the little silver snaps are for. 294 00:20:16,029 --> 00:20:19,193 - Work, don't they? - Just like a snap. 295 00:20:20,197 --> 00:20:23,317 Come on over here and give me a little lip-lock. 296 00:20:24,953 --> 00:20:26,992 Oop. Gotta brush my teeth. 297 00:20:28,082 --> 00:20:30,537 You know how I am about my breath. 298 00:20:36,006 --> 00:20:40,550 Oh, Ed Earl, I like a lot of things, but these afternoons with you top the list. 299 00:20:40,886 --> 00:20:43,295 Yeah? Well, sing it to me, honey. 300 00:20:45,557 --> 00:20:47,597 } I like fancy, frilly things 301 00:20:48,018 --> 00:20:50,260 } High-heeled shoes and diamond rings 302 00:20:50,395 --> 00:20:52,554 } Ragtime bands and Western swing 303 00:20:52,692 --> 00:20:54,730 } And sneakin' around with you 304 00:20:55,444 --> 00:20:57,519 } Well, I like beer and rodeos 305 00:20:57,654 --> 00:20:59,861 } Detective books and dominoes 306 00:20:59,991 --> 00:21:03,986 } Football games and Cheerios and sneakin' around with you 307 00:21:04,286 --> 00:21:06,658 } Sneakin' around with you 308 00:21:06,788 --> 00:21:09,114 } Goin' a round or two 309 00:21:09,250 --> 00:21:11,491 } Doin' what lovers do 310 00:21:12,128 --> 00:21:14,535 } Whenever they're sneakin' around 311 00:21:14,672 --> 00:21:16,712 } I like lots of cash on hand 312 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:19,332 } And dirty jokes about the Fuller Brush Man 313 00:21:19,467 --> 00:21:23,086 } I like stuff I understand like sneakin' around with you 314 00:21:23,807 --> 00:21:26,213 } You know, I like a thrill that has no strings 315 00:21:26,350 --> 00:21:28,344 } Friendship that don't ever change 316 00:21:28,477 --> 00:21:30,685 } And laughter from the joy of things 317 00:21:30,813 --> 00:21:32,687 } And sneakin' around with you 318 00:21:32,815 --> 00:21:35,021 } Sneakin' around with you 319 00:21:35,151 --> 00:21:37,438 } Goin' a round or two 320 00:21:37,571 --> 00:21:39,811 } Doin' what lovers do 321 00:21:40,490 --> 00:21:42,778 } Whenever they're sneakin' around 322 00:21:53,797 --> 00:21:56,121 } I like drive-in picture shows 323 00:21:56,257 --> 00:21:58,464 } Kissin' long and lovin' slow 324 00:21:58,591 --> 00:22:02,425 } The secret places lovers go whenever they're sneakin' around 325 00:22:02,555 --> 00:22:05,342 Whoo! } I like the crazy things we try 326 00:22:05,473 --> 00:22:07,717 } And the sexy things we fantasise 327 00:22:07,852 --> 00:22:10,010 } Just a-makin' out in the broad daylight 328 00:22:10,145 --> 00:22:11,854 } And sneakin' around with you 329 00:22:11,980 --> 00:22:14,353 } Sneakin' around with you 330 00:22:14,483 --> 00:22:16,808 } Keepin' it all brand-new 331 00:22:16,945 --> 00:22:19,102 } Gettin' the best of you 332 00:22:19,738 --> 00:22:21,565 } Whenever we're sneakin' around 333 00:22:21,698 --> 00:22:23,904 } Sneakin' around, that's all 334 00:22:24,035 --> 00:22:26,158 } I'm gonna lay down the law 335 00:22:26,495 --> 00:22:28,738 } Watchin' the rise and fall 336 00:22:29,123 --> 00:22:31,164 } Of lovers sneakin' around 337 00:22:32,001 --> 00:22:35,417 - } We're just sneakin' around - } Oh, we're just 338 00:22:35,547 --> 00:22:37,587 } Sneakin'! 339 00:22:41,594 --> 00:22:43,172 Sheriff? 340 00:22:43,638 --> 00:22:45,677 Sheriff! 341 00:22:48,143 --> 00:22:50,516 - Deputy Fred. - (Mona) Fred. 342 00:22:54,443 --> 00:22:56,186 Oh... 343 00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:58,358 Hold that position. 344 00:22:59,364 --> 00:23:02,281 Don't move. Be right back. 345 00:23:13,629 --> 00:23:16,297 - This better be important. - Well, I think it is. 346 00:23:16,422 --> 00:23:19,377 I saw your car and I figured your phone was out, because... 347 00:23:19,508 --> 00:23:21,548 What are you wearin' that for? 348 00:23:21,678 --> 00:23:23,753 - Takin' a shower. - Oh, really? 349 00:23:23,887 --> 00:23:27,222 I take my shower in the mornin'. I read in the Reader's Digest... 350 00:23:27,351 --> 00:23:30,802 I don't care! What do you want? 351 00:23:30,937 --> 00:23:35,017 The mayor wants to speak to you. Rita's been callin' all over the county for you. 352 00:23:35,150 --> 00:23:37,820 - He wants a meeting right away. - Can't it wait? 353 00:23:37,945 --> 00:23:40,733 - You mean till after your shower? - Mm... 354 00:23:40,863 --> 00:23:44,279 You go to your radio. Tell him I'll be there when I get there. 355 00:23:44,410 --> 00:23:47,279 Nothing can be that important that it can't wait. 356 00:23:47,413 --> 00:23:49,286 Right, Sheriff. 357 00:23:49,415 --> 00:23:51,655 Nice man, but dumb. 358 00:23:58,341 --> 00:24:01,592 Mona? (laughs) 359 00:24:02,470 --> 00:24:04,510 Mona? 360 00:24:11,521 --> 00:24:13,561 (car starts) 361 00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:44,466 Ain't that funny? Miss Mona was at the back, knockin' on the screen door. 362 00:24:44,595 --> 00:24:48,049 She was in a hurry, but just dropped by to give you this. 363 00:24:51,687 --> 00:24:54,179 It's a Japanese slingshot. 364 00:24:56,776 --> 00:24:59,314 Well, look at that! At last! 365 00:24:59,447 --> 00:25:01,521 OK, Rufus. What's on your mind? 366 00:25:01,657 --> 00:25:06,284 Something with serious implications to the health of this town! Tell him, CJ! 367 00:25:06,411 --> 00:25:09,828 I have this friend that works in a TV station down in Houston. 368 00:25:09,956 --> 00:25:15,165 He tipped me off that Melvin P Thorpe's plannin' an expos� on the Chicken Ranch. 369 00:25:15,293 --> 00:25:17,535 - Who? - Melvin P Thorpe. 370 00:25:17,673 --> 00:25:21,670 He's that crazy consumer advocate. Has a report on the late night news. 371 00:25:21,802 --> 00:25:26,676 He's got a new show once a week: The Watchdog Report. It's on tonight. 372 00:25:26,806 --> 00:25:30,139 The Chicken Ranch on TV. Now, come on, fellas. 373 00:25:31,437 --> 00:25:34,521 - Television is a family medium. - But he's a sensationalist. 374 00:25:34,649 --> 00:25:39,560 He shows up every time a consumer has a complaint. He's a menace to business. 375 00:25:40,030 --> 00:25:44,442 He's that fella that put the peanuts back in the chocolate bar. 376 00:25:44,575 --> 00:25:45,356 What? 377 00:25:45,492 --> 00:25:48,530 He made the makers of the Peanut Delight candy bar admit... 378 00:25:48,664 --> 00:25:53,574 ...that they put less peanuts in than they said. He made 'em change their ways. 379 00:25:53,709 --> 00:25:56,793 - Sounds like a tough customer. - He has a lot of influence. 380 00:25:56,920 --> 00:25:59,210 If he brings cameras to the Chicken Ranch... 381 00:25:59,341 --> 00:26:02,591 Come on, Rufus! I'll make some phone calls. 382 00:26:03,803 --> 00:26:07,007 I got a little influence around this state myself. 383 00:26:09,977 --> 00:26:12,765 Well, it's no use talkin' to me about it, Sheriff. 384 00:26:12,897 --> 00:26:16,348 Melvin P Thorpe is now the biggest attraction at this station. 385 00:26:16,484 --> 00:26:20,611 High ratings. Lots of letters. He doesn't listen to anybody. 386 00:26:21,238 --> 00:26:25,532 Hell, he wants to go national! Wants to be watchdog for the whole US of A. 387 00:26:25,785 --> 00:26:29,699 Love to help, but just like you don't wanna mess with the Chicken Ranch... 388 00:26:29,830 --> 00:26:32,322 ...I don't wanna ruffle this old bird's feathers. 389 00:26:32,458 --> 00:26:35,661 Here in Houston, he's becomin' a regular Texas attraction. 390 00:26:35,836 --> 00:26:37,794 Now, wait a minute, Ed Earl. 391 00:26:37,922 --> 00:26:41,837 I'd tread easy on this one. Them TV boys can be mighty powerful. 392 00:26:41,967 --> 00:26:44,507 And mighty useful, if you get my meaning. 393 00:26:44,638 --> 00:26:46,676 Senator, roll call. 394 00:26:46,806 --> 00:26:50,757 Excuse me, Ed Earl. I gotta go. It's that damn bilingual bullshit again. 395 00:26:50,893 --> 00:26:55,556 Let me give you a word of advice from one elected official to another. 396 00:26:55,690 --> 00:26:58,145 Be careful of the box. 397 00:27:01,697 --> 00:27:06,609 What the hell's goin' on? This goddamn Thorpe's got the whole state bamboozled. 398 00:27:06,743 --> 00:27:09,449 This is serious, Ed Earl. You gotta do somethin'. 399 00:27:09,581 --> 00:27:11,822 I intend to. 400 00:27:11,958 --> 00:27:15,161 Deputy Fred, I want you to hold down the fort for a while. 401 00:27:15,295 --> 00:27:16,574 - Me? - Yeah, you. 402 00:27:16,713 --> 00:27:18,705 - Where you goin'? - To Houston. 403 00:27:18,838 --> 00:27:22,290 I'm gonna take care of that little peckerwood myself. 404 00:27:41,821 --> 00:27:43,861 - This is it. - Thank you. 405 00:27:45,827 --> 00:27:47,534 Come in. 406 00:27:50,998 --> 00:27:53,571 - Mr Thorpe? - I know you. 407 00:27:54,501 --> 00:27:56,578 - You do? - Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd. 408 00:27:56,712 --> 00:27:59,169 They told me you were here. Come on in. 409 00:28:00,550 --> 00:28:04,216 I hope I'm not... interruptin' anything. 410 00:28:04,346 --> 00:28:08,213 Oh, please! It's my pleasure, my honour. What brings you to Houston? 411 00:28:08,349 --> 00:28:11,219 Sit down. Anywhere over here. 412 00:28:11,353 --> 00:28:13,345 I'm gettin' dressed. Sit down. 413 00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:17,347 I've got my TV show to do, and I'm runnin' a bit behind time. 414 00:28:17,484 --> 00:28:20,353 It's your show I want to talk to you about, Mr Thorpe. 415 00:28:20,486 --> 00:28:22,194 - Melvin. - Melvin. 416 00:28:22,322 --> 00:28:24,648 - Please. You watch the show, Ed? - Well... 417 00:28:24,782 --> 00:28:28,233 Last week was the best ratin' we ever had. 418 00:28:28,369 --> 00:28:31,989 The city planning commissioner was drivin' a city car... 419 00:28:32,125 --> 00:28:34,366 Hold that for me, will you? 420 00:28:34,501 --> 00:28:37,621 ...while he was on vacation. Caught him dead to rights. 421 00:28:37,755 --> 00:28:40,293 That pitiful putz. Would you just pull that up? 422 00:28:40,424 --> 00:28:42,462 Just pull that up. 423 00:28:43,634 --> 00:28:47,847 And we broke a 30 share. It's affectin' my pieces on the late night news. 424 00:28:47,973 --> 00:28:51,343 Up, up, up. They just love my little report. 425 00:28:53,312 --> 00:28:56,847 - I hear you're very popular. - The power of television... 426 00:28:56,983 --> 00:29:00,482 ...of public exposure, is so great it scares me. 427 00:29:00,611 --> 00:29:05,190 I swear, I could get the mayor's own children to throw rocks at him. 428 00:29:05,325 --> 00:29:07,899 Which show did you like best, Ed? 429 00:29:08,788 --> 00:29:12,404 I think the one about the... nuts in the chocolate bar. 430 00:29:12,541 --> 00:29:14,581 That's one of my favourites. 431 00:29:14,709 --> 00:29:17,793 Threescore means 60, like the Bible says. 432 00:29:17,922 --> 00:29:20,756 So if it says "60 nuts" on the wrapper... 433 00:29:20,882 --> 00:29:24,085 ...I wanna see 60 nuts inside. 434 00:29:24,220 --> 00:29:27,135 And I'm talkin' full nuts. I'm not talkin' a half-nut... 435 00:29:27,264 --> 00:29:29,720 ...or nut bits or nut chips. 436 00:29:31,225 --> 00:29:33,682 I'm talkin' a full nut. 437 00:29:37,233 --> 00:29:38,774 I can see that. 438 00:29:38,902 --> 00:29:41,476 Thank God we still live in a society... 439 00:29:41,613 --> 00:29:46,404 ...where anything that's phoney or dishonest can't stand the light of day. 440 00:29:47,285 --> 00:29:49,693 - Sock. - Beg your pardon? 441 00:29:49,829 --> 00:29:51,951 Sock. Thank you. 442 00:29:52,082 --> 00:29:53,625 Yeah... 443 00:29:54,001 --> 00:29:57,866 Most corporations involved in false advertisin'... 444 00:29:58,004 --> 00:30:00,078 ...would just laugh at a $50 fine. 445 00:30:00,214 --> 00:30:05,458 But you show up with your TV camera and give them a little bad publicity... 446 00:30:05,595 --> 00:30:09,806 ...and they shape up faster than goose shit slides through a tin horn. 447 00:30:09,933 --> 00:30:11,926 (laughs) 448 00:30:12,227 --> 00:30:14,467 (hums) 449 00:30:14,605 --> 00:30:19,183 Melvin, it's that bad publicity I want to talk to you about. That could hurt people. 450 00:30:19,317 --> 00:30:22,402 You take that report you're doin' on the Chicken Ranch. 451 00:30:22,530 --> 00:30:24,818 That place is older than rocks and water. 452 00:30:24,948 --> 00:30:27,653 I expect your granddaddy took your daddy there... 453 00:30:27,785 --> 00:30:31,568 ...to learn about the birds and the bees. - (chuckles) 454 00:30:31,705 --> 00:30:36,083 I'm from New Jersey. See, I moved to Houston six years ago. 455 00:30:36,211 --> 00:30:37,206 (chuckles) 456 00:30:37,337 --> 00:30:39,578 Texas suits my style. 457 00:30:40,674 --> 00:30:47,341 Every schoolboy in the state knows about it. Most of the politicians have slept there. 458 00:30:47,472 --> 00:30:51,422 The mayor and the people of my county want to keep things just the way they are. 459 00:30:51,559 --> 00:30:55,604 Hm. You know somethin', Sheriff. It just struck me. 460 00:30:55,729 --> 00:30:58,766 - We are in the same profession. - What's that? 461 00:30:58,901 --> 00:31:03,478 Law enforcement. I'm out there fightin' for the rights of the public, just like you. 462 00:31:03,613 --> 00:31:06,069 Both of us are trying to protect the public. 463 00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:09,534 You in the old way and me in the new. 464 00:31:10,539 --> 00:31:12,862 - The new? - (chuckles) Television. 465 00:31:13,792 --> 00:31:15,950 I'm the electronic bounty hunter. 466 00:31:16,085 --> 00:31:18,125 I use a camera. You use a gun. 467 00:31:18,796 --> 00:31:23,339 Yeah. Melvin, everybody'd be happy if you'd just drop the whole thing. 468 00:31:24,176 --> 00:31:29,171 I mean, those ladies out there, they perform a necessary function. 469 00:31:29,306 --> 00:31:32,343 - Right or wrong... - Right or wrong don't interest me! 470 00:31:32,477 --> 00:31:35,679 I'm no moraliser. I leave all that to the preacher. 471 00:31:36,690 --> 00:31:41,566 I'm glad. The mayor was thinkin' maybe you'd want a little unnecessary publicity. 472 00:31:41,695 --> 00:31:45,693 (laughs) Unnecessary publicity? Well, he's got me all wrong! 473 00:31:45,825 --> 00:31:49,408 I'm not one of those sensation-mongers out to boost his own ego! 474 00:31:49,535 --> 00:31:51,030 Clear. 475 00:31:51,787 --> 00:31:54,625 - How do you like it? - It's different. 476 00:31:54,750 --> 00:31:56,790 I designed this myself. 477 00:31:57,335 --> 00:32:01,712 No, you tell your mayor he's got nothing to fear from me on that score. 478 00:32:02,842 --> 00:32:07,136 - He'll be happy to hear that. - I'm a lawman. That's my interest. Right? 479 00:32:07,262 --> 00:32:08,260 (knocking) 480 00:32:08,389 --> 00:32:10,677 - 20 seconds. - Oh, I'm on! 481 00:32:10,809 --> 00:32:13,052 Friend Ed, I gotta go. 482 00:32:14,103 --> 00:32:16,809 That's my cue. Come on! 483 00:32:19,108 --> 00:32:21,232 Apr�s vous! 484 00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:24,943 - I'd love to do an interview with you. - I don't think I'm the type. 485 00:32:25,073 --> 00:32:27,777 Nonsense! You're what the public wants to see. 486 00:32:27,908 --> 00:32:31,361 We'll discuss it after the show. I want you to be my guest. 487 00:32:31,495 --> 00:32:34,996 This is the sponsor's booth. Just make yourself comfortable. 488 00:32:35,125 --> 00:32:38,125 Make yourself to home. See you later, partner. 489 00:32:38,253 --> 00:32:40,293 (singers) } He's out on the prowl 490 00:32:40,714 --> 00:32:43,668 } Guards and checks the best he can 491 00:32:44,467 --> 00:32:48,086 } Watchdog is a fighting man 492 00:32:48,973 --> 00:32:53,634 } Watchdog will throw his beam of light around 493 00:32:54,269 --> 00:32:57,969 } If some folks don't toe the line 494 00:32:58,607 --> 00:33:00,482 } Watchdog's light will shine 495 00:33:00,776 --> 00:33:02,734 } Shine, shine, shine 496 00:33:02,861 --> 00:33:05,484 (announcer) And now... the Watchdog man himself. 497 00:33:05,614 --> 00:33:09,658 The eyes and ears of Texas, Melvin P Thorpe! 498 00:33:09,785 --> 00:33:11,446 (cheering) 499 00:33:15,085 --> 00:33:18,583 Thank you, fellow Texans, and welcome to the Watchdog Report... 500 00:33:18,713 --> 00:33:21,961 ...with yours truly, Melvin P Thorpe... 501 00:33:22,090 --> 00:33:26,003 ...keepin' an eye on what's goin' on in this beautiful state of ours. 502 00:33:26,427 --> 00:33:29,797 This week's spotlight will shine on a shameful situation... 503 00:33:29,933 --> 00:33:34,178 ...that has been allowed to exist for close to a hundred years. 504 00:33:34,311 --> 00:33:37,644 I'm talkin' about the Chicken Ranch, my friends. 505 00:33:37,774 --> 00:33:43,776 The proprietor of this innocent-lookin' ranch house is known only as Miss Mona. 506 00:33:43,905 --> 00:33:48,817 And the man who turns his back on her illegal operation... 507 00:33:48,951 --> 00:33:51,822 ...is Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd! 508 00:33:52,288 --> 00:33:55,074 Did I say "illegal"? Yes, I did! 509 00:33:56,085 --> 00:33:58,917 Now, I know that this is TV... 510 00:33:59,045 --> 00:34:02,378 ...so I'm gonna try to be as delicate as I can! 511 00:34:02,633 --> 00:34:06,001 Here goes, and may God forgive me! 512 00:34:07,052 --> 00:34:11,263 - } Texas has a whorehouse in it - } Lord, have mercy on our souls 513 00:34:11,475 --> 00:34:15,473 - } Texas has a whorehouse in it - } Lord, have mercy on our souls 514 00:34:15,813 --> 00:34:19,728 } I'll expose the facts although it fills me with disgust 515 00:34:20,109 --> 00:34:23,358 } Please excuse the filthy, dark details 516 00:34:23,486 --> 00:34:27,816 - } And carnal lust - } Filthy, dark details and carnal lust 517 00:34:28,701 --> 00:34:32,779 } Dancin' goin' on inside it, don't you see, they've gone plumb wild 518 00:34:32,913 --> 00:34:36,695 } I inquired, no one denied it, now I think I'm gettin' riled 519 00:34:37,042 --> 00:34:41,041 } Bodies close together, arms and legs all rearranged 520 00:34:41,298 --> 00:34:44,133 } And the sheriff does not close it down 521 00:34:44,676 --> 00:34:46,253 } That's very strange 522 00:34:46,385 --> 00:34:49,340 } Does not close it down, that's very strange 523 00:34:49,765 --> 00:34:52,516 } Mean-eyed, juiced-up, brilliantined, honky-tonk cowboys 524 00:34:52,642 --> 00:34:54,801 - } Oh, no - } Mixin' with green-eyed, thin-lipped 525 00:34:54,936 --> 00:34:57,309 - } Hard-as-nails, peroxide blondes - } Oh, no 526 00:34:57,439 --> 00:35:02,185 } Not to mention some types that you'd never guess would venture near 527 00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:07,069 } Actin' all depraved and loose and wild 90 miles from here 528 00:35:07,448 --> 00:35:10,284 And now, our own Melvin P Thorpe Singers. 529 00:35:10,745 --> 00:35:15,038 - } Texas has a whorehouse in it - Oh, my goodness, he's talkin' about us! 530 00:35:15,167 --> 00:35:18,333 - } Texas has a whorehouse in it - Suits me, Mom. 531 00:35:19,296 --> 00:35:22,295 Doreen! Run get my heart pills! 532 00:35:23,425 --> 00:35:26,591 - } Loveless copulation goin' on - Hot damn! 533 00:35:26,803 --> 00:35:29,922 - } And it must stop - } Loveless copulation 534 00:35:30,056 --> 00:35:33,508 - } Loveless copulation - Loveless copulation? 535 00:35:33,935 --> 00:35:37,600 } Texas has a whorehouse in it, Lord, have mercy on our souls 536 00:35:38,021 --> 00:35:41,058 } Texas has a whorehouse in it, Lord, have mercy... 537 00:35:41,192 --> 00:35:42,189 Aah! 538 00:35:42,319 --> 00:35:45,190 - } Watchdog smells corruption... - Can you dig it? 539 00:35:46,365 --> 00:35:49,568 - Hey! - } Loveless copulation goin' on 540 00:35:56,625 --> 00:35:59,542 Don't touch that dial! This is Melvin P Thorpe... 541 00:35:59,669 --> 00:36:04,795 ...sayin' I'll be back with new and revealin' information about this and other cases. 542 00:36:04,925 --> 00:36:07,250 Watchdog never sleeps! 543 00:36:09,179 --> 00:36:12,548 } And it must stop! Watchdog's gonna get you 544 00:36:12,934 --> 00:36:14,807 } Gonna shine his light on you 545 00:36:14,936 --> 00:36:18,102 } Watchdog's gonna get you, gonna shine his light on you 546 00:36:18,231 --> 00:36:19,641 (cheering) 547 00:36:25,988 --> 00:36:29,608 Damn! That man is crazier than a peach-orchard sow. 548 00:36:30,159 --> 00:36:32,235 Announcin' it straight out on TV. 549 00:36:32,369 --> 00:36:35,538 - So you been sayin'. - Everybody's talkin' about it. 550 00:36:35,664 --> 00:36:38,951 Not that it's big news to anybody over three months of age. 551 00:36:39,085 --> 00:36:43,035 But they heard it in their livin' room. Sung. Sung to music. 552 00:36:43,548 --> 00:36:46,336 And he actually called my name on television? 553 00:36:46,469 --> 00:36:49,920 Worse than that. The son of a bitch called mine! 554 00:36:50,138 --> 00:36:52,428 Ed Earl, ever since I can remember... 555 00:36:52,559 --> 00:36:55,926 ...folks been jumpin' on me for one reason or another. 556 00:36:56,730 --> 00:36:59,434 But we're gonna beat this. I ain't worried about it. 557 00:36:59,565 --> 00:37:01,971 You know why? Because I trust you. 558 00:37:02,693 --> 00:37:04,936 Cos you're my protector. 559 00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:11,738 Do you know he wears a sock in his underwear? 560 00:37:11,870 --> 00:37:12,865 A sock? 561 00:37:12,994 --> 00:37:16,448 Yeah. All rolled up like a Jimmy Dean sausage. 562 00:37:17,959 --> 00:37:22,086 Well, I bet he's runnin' for office. That's typical of them crusadin' fanatics. 563 00:37:22,213 --> 00:37:26,082 They flare up every few months. They're always confusin' crime with sin. 564 00:37:26,219 --> 00:37:31,425 People get sick of hearin' it and pretty soon it just clears out of the air. 565 00:37:32,265 --> 00:37:34,838 - You're probably right. - Well, ain't I always? 566 00:37:34,977 --> 00:37:36,720 Mm-hm. 567 00:37:36,854 --> 00:37:38,810 You know what I was thinkin'? 568 00:37:38,938 --> 00:37:43,815 Just how much I miss the little stuff we used to do, like goin' up to the lake. 569 00:37:43,945 --> 00:37:48,442 Wouldn't it be fun to go up there, get a couple of six-packs, and just get drunk? 570 00:37:48,575 --> 00:37:52,489 Girl, that's the best idea you had all year. When we gonna do this? 571 00:37:52,619 --> 00:37:56,035 - Well, I'd like to do it tonight. - So would I. 572 00:37:56,166 --> 00:37:58,286 (siren) 573 00:38:00,252 --> 00:38:02,245 Well, I wonder who that is. 574 00:38:08,220 --> 00:38:09,797 - Hey, Deputy Fred. - Morning, girls! 575 00:38:09,929 --> 00:38:12,847 - How's your tallywhacker hangin'? - Fine... 576 00:38:18,814 --> 00:38:20,936 - Hi, Sheriff. - This better be important. 577 00:38:21,066 --> 00:38:25,112 That Melvin P Thorpe is settin' up his TV show in front of the courthouse! 578 00:38:25,236 --> 00:38:26,862 - In front of the... - Courthouse! 579 00:38:26,989 --> 00:38:29,148 He's gettin' some pictures for the news. 580 00:38:29,282 --> 00:38:33,150 He's got a whole posse of TV cameramen. I think you better come. 581 00:38:33,286 --> 00:38:34,745 - In front of my... - Office! 582 00:38:34,872 --> 00:38:37,113 - Son of a... - Bitch. 583 00:38:40,001 --> 00:38:43,869 - I cannot believe that sucker! - He even brought his own singers. 584 00:38:44,007 --> 00:38:46,084 Wait till I get my hands on him. 585 00:38:47,760 --> 00:38:50,382 - Go get him, Sheriff! - Come on, Deputy Fred! 586 00:38:52,265 --> 00:38:57,222 Ed Earl, please don't go doin' something stupid you're gonna be sorry for! 587 00:38:57,354 --> 00:38:59,975 - Watch your temper. - Everything's gonna be fine. 588 00:39:00,106 --> 00:39:02,858 Leave that little shithead to me. 589 00:39:20,461 --> 00:39:24,412 Howdy again, neighbours. Melvin P Thorpe, the old Watchdog himself... 590 00:39:24,548 --> 00:39:28,795 ...shinin' a spotlight on Gilbert, the little town with the big shame. 591 00:39:29,805 --> 00:39:32,093 Who's that fella in them trick britches? 592 00:39:32,224 --> 00:39:35,141 I don't know, but it's too late in the year for a carnival. 593 00:39:35,268 --> 00:39:37,343 One of them TV folks, looks like to me. 594 00:39:37,603 --> 00:39:41,850 We're here at the Lanville County courthouse to ask local citizens... 595 00:39:41,983 --> 00:39:44,818 ...how they feel about the infamous bordello... 596 00:39:44,944 --> 00:39:48,150 ...runnin' wide open in their American hometown. 597 00:39:48,823 --> 00:39:51,066 Cut! All right, stay with me, boys. 598 00:39:51,201 --> 00:39:55,578 And when I start the music, I want you Dogettes to start with me, brisk! 599 00:39:56,207 --> 00:39:59,907 Good people of Gilbert, may I have your attention, please? 600 00:40:00,043 --> 00:40:03,411 I would like to speak to you about a matter of great importance. 601 00:40:03,547 --> 00:40:05,586 Let's hear it, Melvin! Lay it on us. 602 00:40:05,717 --> 00:40:10,876 I'm speakin' to you about nothin' less than your community's moral health! 603 00:40:11,013 --> 00:40:14,677 I'm talkin' to you about official blindness... 604 00:40:14,808 --> 00:40:18,756 ...official corruption, official malfeasance. 605 00:40:18,897 --> 00:40:21,469 - He sure is wound up. - Yep. 606 00:40:21,606 --> 00:40:26,400 I'm just waitin' for Ed Earl to get here. He's gonna kick that boy's ass. 607 00:40:26,529 --> 00:40:28,687 (siren) 608 00:40:31,074 --> 00:40:34,859 It's no big secret. You know what's goin' on in this town. 609 00:40:35,204 --> 00:40:37,909 And what's goin' on is evil... 610 00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:42,833 ...immoral, brazen and against the law! 611 00:40:42,963 --> 00:40:45,668 Hit it. } Texas has a whorehouse in it 612 00:40:45,799 --> 00:40:47,792 } Lord, have mercy on our souls 613 00:40:47,927 --> 00:40:51,842 - } Texas has a whorehouse in it - } Lord, have mercy on our souls 614 00:40:52,097 --> 00:40:56,013 } Sin is running rampant like before the fall of Rome 615 00:40:56,477 --> 00:40:59,182 } Someone is permittin' you-know-what 616 00:40:59,980 --> 00:41:03,101 - } And it must stop - } Loveless copulation 617 00:41:03,234 --> 00:41:05,392 } Stop that copulation 618 00:41:05,527 --> 00:41:07,484 - } Loveless copulation - (siren) 619 00:41:07,611 --> 00:41:09,651 } Stop that copulation 620 00:41:09,781 --> 00:41:13,531 } Texas has a whorehouse in it, Lord, have mercy on our souls 621 00:41:13,869 --> 00:41:17,914 } Texas has a whorehouse in it, Lord, have mercy on our souls 622 00:41:18,209 --> 00:41:22,287 } Watchdog smells corruption and he'll fight it to the top... 623 00:41:22,421 --> 00:41:25,292 Now, Sheriff, Sheriff. Keep a grip on yourself. 624 00:41:25,425 --> 00:41:28,210 - Don't get your back up! - Stop whimperin', Rufus. 625 00:41:28,344 --> 00:41:30,382 (music stops) 626 00:41:31,096 --> 00:41:33,848 Well, if it isn't the man himself. 627 00:41:33,974 --> 00:41:36,643 Would you care to give me an interview now, Sheriff? 628 00:41:36,769 --> 00:41:40,053 I'm gonna give you 30 seconds, you fancified fart. 629 00:41:40,189 --> 00:41:42,596 Get you and your chorus the hell out of town! 630 00:41:42,733 --> 00:41:46,350 Get those cameras and crap off the street. You're blockin' traffic! 631 00:41:46,487 --> 00:41:50,400 The only traffic we are blockin' is that headed out for the Chicken Ranch. 632 00:41:50,535 --> 00:41:52,655 Right, Sheriff? 633 00:41:52,785 --> 00:41:56,449 Little fat buddy, up to now you got two tickets: 634 00:41:56,581 --> 00:42:00,033 One for paradin' without a licence and the other for insultin' me. 635 00:42:00,169 --> 00:42:03,500 Get that circus out of town, or I'm gonna lock you up so fast... 636 00:42:03,630 --> 00:42:06,333 ...your corset's gonna pop! - Oh, yeah? 637 00:42:06,466 --> 00:42:11,425 We're within the law. As a newsman, I have First Amendment protection. 638 00:42:12,096 --> 00:42:16,973 Get this. The public has a right to know what is goin' on out there... 639 00:42:17,102 --> 00:42:19,472 ...and what kind of payoff you're acceptin'... 640 00:42:19,605 --> 00:42:22,523 ...to protect that notorious house of ill repute. 641 00:42:22,650 --> 00:42:24,726 (crowd gasps) 642 00:42:36,787 --> 00:42:41,118 First thing is, you're standin' in Lanville County... 643 00:42:41,252 --> 00:42:46,246 ...which, by my figurin', is about 100 miles west of that stink hole you call Houston. 644 00:42:46,381 --> 00:42:49,964 So I can't see it's any of your business what goes on out here. 645 00:42:50,093 --> 00:42:51,838 Oh, yeah? 646 00:42:51,971 --> 00:42:53,549 Please... 647 00:42:53,683 --> 00:42:54,880 Number two. 648 00:42:55,016 --> 00:42:57,934 You ain't the law around here and I am. 649 00:42:58,060 --> 00:43:00,765 So don't be tellin' me what my goddamn job is... 650 00:43:00,898 --> 00:43:04,681 ...or I'll whip your butt so bad it'll look like the stripes on a barber pole. 651 00:43:04,818 --> 00:43:07,487 - (boy) Get him, Sheriff. - May be mean, but he's ours! 652 00:43:07,611 --> 00:43:08,774 Number three. 653 00:43:08,905 --> 00:43:13,614 No sawed-off little pecker is gonna accuse me of takin' a bribe and live... 654 00:43:13,743 --> 00:43:16,151 ...cos I wear the badge in this goddamn county. 655 00:43:16,287 --> 00:43:20,035 So you listen and listen good, you over-padded, televising turd! 656 00:43:20,167 --> 00:43:24,496 If I ever see you or any of those bastards that work for you in my town again... 657 00:43:24,630 --> 00:43:29,257 ...I'm gonna knock you so flat you'll have to roll down your socks to shit! 658 00:43:30,177 --> 00:43:32,929 - That's tellin' him, Sheriff! - My goodness! 659 00:43:33,055 --> 00:43:37,550 So get outta here, you goddamn wig-wearin', citified son of a bitch! 660 00:43:53,577 --> 00:43:55,617 Move, you schmuck! 661 00:43:57,622 --> 00:43:59,700 Move it! Come on! 662 00:43:59,833 --> 00:44:01,955 Get outta here! 663 00:44:02,085 --> 00:44:05,501 Move this thing! Come on, move this thing! 664 00:44:05,630 --> 00:44:10,127 I'll get you for this. You son of a bitch! You'll pay for this. 665 00:44:10,259 --> 00:44:13,547 You're in trouble, Sheriff! You're in big trouble! 666 00:44:15,057 --> 00:44:16,717 So long, partner. 667 00:44:18,937 --> 00:44:20,976 (applause) 668 00:44:43,460 --> 00:44:46,994 Boy, you sent him hightailin'. I was so proud of you! 669 00:44:47,132 --> 00:44:49,171 - Didn't I? - Yeah. 670 00:44:53,888 --> 00:44:56,344 - Look at them stars. - Mm. 671 00:44:57,434 --> 00:45:00,306 There ain't nothin' prettier than a Texas sky. 672 00:45:00,438 --> 00:45:02,596 Ain't that the truth. 673 00:45:04,816 --> 00:45:08,186 - Hey! Did you see that shootin' star? - Mm-hm. 674 00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:10,692 - That could've been a spaceship. - Yeah. 675 00:45:10,825 --> 00:45:13,493 - You believe in spaceships? - Sure. 676 00:45:13,617 --> 00:45:19,287 I saw a picture once. Them fellas that's supposed to be from up there. 677 00:45:19,916 --> 00:45:25,122 Tiny little fellas, bald-headed. Little feet, little hands, got no peckers. 678 00:45:25,881 --> 00:45:28,122 Got no peckers? 679 00:45:28,842 --> 00:45:31,298 Well, I ain't interested. 680 00:45:32,554 --> 00:45:35,009 I don't think my girls would be either. 681 00:45:36,224 --> 00:45:39,226 When I was little, I used to imagine a flyin' saucer... 682 00:45:39,352 --> 00:45:43,220 ...swoopin' down and pickin' me up and takin' me off to heaven. 683 00:45:43,355 --> 00:45:45,645 - Like the angels. - Mm-hm. 684 00:45:46,567 --> 00:45:49,689 "I looked, and behold, a whirlwind comin' out of the north." 685 00:45:49,819 --> 00:45:54,281 "And out of the midst of the fire came the likeness of four living creatures." 686 00:45:54,410 --> 00:45:55,869 What you talkin' about? 687 00:45:55,995 --> 00:45:59,412 That's what the Bible says about spaceships in Ezekiel. 688 00:45:59,540 --> 00:46:02,032 - Don't you know nothin' about the Bible? - Yeah! 689 00:46:02,168 --> 00:46:05,121 I just don't know nothin' about no Zekiel in the Bible. 690 00:46:05,254 --> 00:46:08,787 I knew a Zekiel Peebles once in the eighth grade. 691 00:46:10,092 --> 00:46:12,133 Think I busted his jaw. 692 00:46:13,304 --> 00:46:18,677 - Well, that was very christian of you. - Well, most of my family was Baptist. 693 00:46:18,809 --> 00:46:22,939 I never stayed with one family long enough to become anything in particular. 694 00:46:23,066 --> 00:46:25,769 But I read the Bible. I believe in Jesus. 695 00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:29,606 I think Jesus was a... was a real good man. 696 00:46:30,447 --> 00:46:32,690 And he was a heck of a speaker. 697 00:46:32,825 --> 00:46:36,609 Yep. I knew a woman once that had a vision of Jesus. 698 00:46:36,744 --> 00:46:40,278 He came right into her house, set right down at the foot of her bed. 699 00:46:40,415 --> 00:46:41,744 Mm? 700 00:46:41,875 --> 00:46:44,201 I don't know what I'd do if that happened to me. 701 00:46:44,337 --> 00:46:49,758 I'll tell you something. If Jesus comes to your house, all hell's gonna break loose. 702 00:46:51,510 --> 00:46:53,550 You got a point there, Ed Earl. 703 00:46:53,681 --> 00:46:57,179 But Jesus was really good to Mary Magdalene, the fallen woman. 704 00:46:57,308 --> 00:46:59,681 He was always bein' very sociable. 705 00:46:59,810 --> 00:47:03,726 He went to this big weddin' once, and they ran out of wine. 706 00:47:03,858 --> 00:47:06,728 You know what he did? Turned the water into wine. 707 00:47:06,860 --> 00:47:09,860 Well, that's a man that knows how to throw a party. 708 00:47:09,986 --> 00:47:12,065 Now, don't be sacrilegious. 709 00:47:12,406 --> 00:47:15,906 I'm not. I'm not. He forgives me. 710 00:47:16,784 --> 00:47:19,656 - He knows I was kiddin'. - I know he forgives you. 711 00:47:19,788 --> 00:47:23,372 That's funny, how God can forgive you and people can't. 712 00:47:23,501 --> 00:47:28,743 - Now, why is that? - Well, because people are not very godly. 713 00:47:30,384 --> 00:47:32,924 I know. I know. 714 00:47:35,056 --> 00:47:37,095 Yeah. 715 00:47:47,443 --> 00:47:49,483 (chuckles) 716 00:47:50,821 --> 00:47:52,859 What is it? 717 00:47:54,201 --> 00:47:58,661 Melvin P Thorpe is a sorry son of a bitch. 718 00:48:04,670 --> 00:48:07,920 You reckon he's gonna run for the legislature? 719 00:48:08,049 --> 00:48:10,088 Why? 720 00:48:11,928 --> 00:48:14,050 I never told anybody this, Mona. 721 00:48:16,974 --> 00:48:20,390 I was thinkin' of runnin' for the legislature someday. 722 00:48:20,519 --> 00:48:23,437 - Are you serious, Ed Earl? - Yeah. 723 00:48:24,441 --> 00:48:28,189 They say an honest man can't be elected in this country any more. 724 00:48:28,319 --> 00:48:31,025 But I don't believe that. 725 00:48:31,156 --> 00:48:33,992 This is a good country. 726 00:48:34,116 --> 00:48:36,073 I believe I could win. 727 00:48:36,201 --> 00:48:39,203 Well, you got my vote. I might even go register. 728 00:48:40,124 --> 00:48:43,455 Boy, I sure didn't know you had dreams that big. 729 00:48:43,585 --> 00:48:46,370 - People really do like you, though. - They like you too. 730 00:48:46,503 --> 00:48:48,248 - Really? - Sure. 731 00:48:48,380 --> 00:48:51,583 You ask anybody in town. Say "How do you like Miss Mona?" 732 00:48:51,718 --> 00:48:54,339 They say "Shoot, she's a fine woman." 733 00:48:54,471 --> 00:48:56,760 "Fine, friendly and nice." 734 00:48:58,350 --> 00:49:01,802 I always just thought if you see somebody without a smile... 735 00:49:01,936 --> 00:49:04,309 ...give 'em yours. - I like that. 736 00:49:06,025 --> 00:49:08,396 I like that. 737 00:49:08,526 --> 00:49:11,197 Think I'll use that as my campaign slogan. 738 00:49:11,863 --> 00:49:15,150 "If you see somebody without a smile, give 'em yours." 739 00:49:15,409 --> 00:49:17,448 I'll have that printed up on a card. 740 00:49:17,577 --> 00:49:20,246 Oh, you're kiddin' me, you smart ass. 741 00:49:21,290 --> 00:49:23,660 I had a dream once. 742 00:49:23,792 --> 00:49:24,991 Yeah? 743 00:49:25,127 --> 00:49:28,295 - I'll tell you if you won't laugh. - Oh, I won't laugh. 744 00:49:28,424 --> 00:49:31,507 Well, I used to dream of bein' a ballerina. 745 00:49:32,969 --> 00:49:34,427 (sniggers) 746 00:49:34,552 --> 00:49:36,843 Now, Ed Earl, I ain't tellin' you nothin'. 747 00:49:36,973 --> 00:49:40,638 - Well... A ballerina? - Yes, a ballerina! 748 00:49:40,769 --> 00:49:42,808 (chuckles) 749 00:49:43,481 --> 00:49:48,226 Well, I think that's wonderful. You still could be a ballerina if you wanted to be. 750 00:49:48,358 --> 00:49:50,566 - Don't be ridiculous! - No, you could! 751 00:49:50,694 --> 00:49:53,186 Go into training. Just start jumpin' up and down. 752 00:49:53,323 --> 00:49:56,324 Me? Jumpin' up and down? I'd black both my eyes. 753 00:49:57,412 --> 00:49:59,451 I couldn't now. I'm too top-heavy. 754 00:49:59,579 --> 00:50:04,741 I have a hard enough time balancin' these things now, without gettin' on my toes. 755 00:50:11,592 --> 00:50:14,164 - You know somethin'? - What? 756 00:50:14,303 --> 00:50:18,134 You know that, uh... I don't see anybody but you any more. 757 00:50:19,267 --> 00:50:22,137 Course, you can't say the same, can you? 758 00:50:25,398 --> 00:50:30,226 I haven't been to bed with another woman besides you in three years. 759 00:50:30,362 --> 00:50:32,605 You didn't know that, did you? 760 00:50:33,449 --> 00:50:35,691 No, I didn't know that. 761 00:50:37,786 --> 00:50:40,740 Nothin' better, once you've had the best. 762 00:50:40,873 --> 00:50:43,493 - Hey, I like that. - I thought you would. 763 00:50:43,625 --> 00:50:48,003 Reckon if I was to run for the legislature I could put that on my card? 764 00:51:04,147 --> 00:51:08,525 Up next, Melvin P Thorpe continues his expos� of the Chicken Ranch... 765 00:51:08,651 --> 00:51:11,854 ...with a violent demonstration in the Gilbert town square. 766 00:51:11,988 --> 00:51:14,231 Great God from Goldsborough! 767 00:51:16,785 --> 00:51:18,824 (phone rings) 768 00:51:20,621 --> 00:51:23,027 Yeah? 769 00:51:23,541 --> 00:51:25,996 Ed Earl, you better turn on channel four. 770 00:51:26,712 --> 00:51:29,666 That Melvin P Thorpe idiot's got you on TV again. 771 00:51:29,797 --> 00:51:31,922 Well, I don't give a shit, Rufus! 772 00:51:32,052 --> 00:51:34,802 It's all very well to take that attitude, Ed Earl... 773 00:51:34,929 --> 00:51:36,671 Honey... 774 00:51:36,805 --> 00:51:40,222 Put on the television there. Channel four. 775 00:51:40,351 --> 00:51:44,301 That Melvin P Thorpe is shootin' off his mouth again. 776 00:51:44,437 --> 00:51:46,930 What could be so goddamn important? 777 00:51:47,066 --> 00:51:51,396 Calm down, Rufus! It can't be as bad as all that. 778 00:51:51,943 --> 00:51:55,778 What happened to me as an individual is not important. 779 00:51:55,909 --> 00:51:59,275 Is this the kind of man we want runnin' our law enforcement? 780 00:51:59,411 --> 00:52:05,201 Is this the kind of foul-mouthed example we wanna set for our innocent children? 781 00:52:05,334 --> 00:52:06,532 Run the film. 782 00:52:06,670 --> 00:52:08,080 Number three. 783 00:52:08,212 --> 00:52:12,425 No sawed-off little (bleep) is gonna accuse me of takin' a bribe and live,... 784 00:52:12,552 --> 00:52:14,591 ...cos I wear the badge in this (bleep) county! 785 00:52:14,721 --> 00:52:18,385 - So you listen and you listen good, you... - (bleeping) 786 00:52:18,515 --> 00:52:21,800 If I ever see you or any of those (bleep) In my town again,... 787 00:52:21,935 --> 00:52:24,806 ...I'm gonna knock you so flat you'll... - (bleeping) 788 00:52:25,814 --> 00:52:27,854 (gunshots) 789 00:52:30,820 --> 00:52:34,404 Ed Earl, that man has made a fool out of you. 790 00:52:34,531 --> 00:52:36,570 (gunshot) 791 00:52:38,535 --> 00:52:42,749 I've had calls from preachers, deacons and the presidents of two garden clubs! 792 00:52:42,873 --> 00:52:44,155 Thank you for callin'. 793 00:52:44,293 --> 00:52:47,743 The phones have been ringin' all mornin'. Sheriff's office. 794 00:52:47,877 --> 00:52:52,625 I don't know why I serve as mayor of this incorporated sand trap anyway! 795 00:52:53,177 --> 00:52:56,461 - What in the heck is keepin' him? - He'll be along. 796 00:52:56,597 --> 00:53:00,545 - Well, he'd better! - My wife couldn't believe what she saw. 797 00:53:00,683 --> 00:53:05,844 They bleeped him, but she read his lips on every "hell", "goddamn" and "shit". 798 00:53:07,608 --> 00:53:11,557 There's some folks gettin' up a petition to close the Chicken Ranch. 799 00:53:11,695 --> 00:53:14,447 All we wanted to do was keep it quiet. 800 00:53:14,572 --> 00:53:18,821 Now, thanks to Ed Earl, it's the hottest thing on the air since the Gong Show. 801 00:53:18,951 --> 00:53:21,241 I'll tell him you called. Mornin', Sheriff. 802 00:53:21,372 --> 00:53:23,279 - Mornin', Rita. - Here's your calls. 803 00:53:23,416 --> 00:53:25,904 - Reckon you fellas are waitin' for me. - We sure are! 804 00:53:26,043 --> 00:53:28,250 You don't know the trouble you've caused! 805 00:53:28,377 --> 00:53:32,163 Dad-gum it, Ed Earl! If you ain't a pluperfect fool! 806 00:53:32,300 --> 00:53:36,429 You may be right. I got over a dozen messages here from outraged citizens... 807 00:53:36,555 --> 00:53:39,260 ...tellin' me we got a whorehouse in Lanville County. 808 00:53:39,391 --> 00:53:41,845 Only been one here for about 150 years. 809 00:53:41,977 --> 00:53:44,894 Ed Earl, you can set up speed traps to catch the tourists. 810 00:53:45,022 --> 00:53:48,936 You can look the other way when a kid swipes a car to go joyridin'. 811 00:53:49,067 --> 00:53:51,190 You can even let Miss Mona run her place! 812 00:53:51,320 --> 00:53:55,269 But there's one thing you can't do: Broadcast gutter talk on TV. 813 00:53:55,406 --> 00:53:59,618 - I didn't know they was takin' pictures. - What were the cameras for? 814 00:53:59,745 --> 00:54:02,745 Damn it, CJ! You pious pissant. 815 00:54:03,541 --> 00:54:06,411 I don't have one tenth the trouble from Miss Mona's... 816 00:54:06,545 --> 00:54:10,458 ...that I have from one of your stag parties at the legionnaire hall. 817 00:54:10,590 --> 00:54:12,996 - That ain't fair. - There's just one thing to do. 818 00:54:13,134 --> 00:54:15,969 Close the place before we all go to hell in a handbasket. 819 00:54:16,095 --> 00:54:17,504 Close it down! 820 00:54:17,638 --> 00:54:21,172 She was just fine as long as she was makin' civic contributions... 821 00:54:21,308 --> 00:54:24,512 ...but the moment her luck ran sour, you want to run out on her. 822 00:54:24,645 --> 00:54:27,561 Run out on her like rats from a burnin' barn! 823 00:54:27,689 --> 00:54:31,439 That's just it, Ed Earl. Who's gonna put out that fire? 824 00:54:31,569 --> 00:54:34,902 Look, if you won't close her down, tell her to lay low! 825 00:54:35,033 --> 00:54:37,902 Yeah. Just until the heat wears off a little bit. 826 00:54:38,035 --> 00:54:40,608 Give it two months. What's two months? 827 00:54:40,745 --> 00:54:43,615 Nobody tells me how to run my goddamn job! 828 00:54:43,749 --> 00:54:45,789 And nobody gives me advice! 829 00:54:45,919 --> 00:54:50,046 I'll do things my own way. I'm gonna make up my own damn mind! 830 00:54:51,215 --> 00:54:53,254 Two months. What's two months? 831 00:54:53,383 --> 00:54:55,956 Shut down for two months! 832 00:54:56,094 --> 00:54:59,547 That is a hell of a lot to ask somebody, Ed Earl. 833 00:54:59,681 --> 00:55:03,844 And that's a hell of a lot of overhead to pay out when cash ain't comin' in. 834 00:55:03,979 --> 00:55:07,348 - What will I tell my girls? - Well, maybe it won't be two months. 835 00:55:07,481 --> 00:55:11,943 The holidays are comin'. Maybe in a week or two the whole thing will blow over... 836 00:55:12,069 --> 00:55:16,649 I warned you yesterday about losin' your temper and carryin' on. 837 00:55:16,783 --> 00:55:21,611 - Last night you was proud of me. - Last night I wasn't on the 11.00 news! 838 00:55:22,164 --> 00:55:25,414 I didn't know that son of a bitch was gonna make an idiot out of me. 839 00:55:25,541 --> 00:55:29,919 I don't know about that electronic bullshit! How was I supposed to handle that? 840 00:55:30,046 --> 00:55:33,665 That's your job, Ed Earl. Ain't that what they pay you for? 841 00:55:33,800 --> 00:55:37,215 I know my job! Don't be tellin' me what my goddamn job is! 842 00:55:37,346 --> 00:55:40,216 I could close this place down in a New York minute! 843 00:55:40,347 --> 00:55:45,011 All I'm askin' for is a little cooperation so I can get through a difficult situation... 844 00:55:45,146 --> 00:55:50,021 ...with as little trouble as possible! - OK, OK! I'll shut it down. 845 00:55:50,694 --> 00:55:53,944 - You will? - What do you want? A written contract? 846 00:55:55,072 --> 00:55:58,525 - You promise? - Ed Earl, I am givin' you my word. 847 00:56:03,247 --> 00:56:06,450 I'm sorry, Mona, about the whole situation. 848 00:56:06,585 --> 00:56:08,827 Don't feel sorry for me. 849 00:56:09,462 --> 00:56:13,212 I started out poor and I worked my way up to outcast. 850 00:56:16,761 --> 00:56:20,926 I know what I'm askin' is gonna turn out to be the best thing for both of us. 851 00:56:21,057 --> 00:56:23,514 Just trust me. 852 00:56:26,230 --> 00:56:28,554 You know what burns my ass? 853 00:56:28,690 --> 00:56:31,776 - What? - A flame about three feet high. 854 00:56:33,027 --> 00:56:36,360 Of course I trust you, you big cowboy. Ain't I always? 855 00:56:36,491 --> 00:56:38,068 Mm-hm. 856 00:56:38,200 --> 00:56:40,740 No need to stop now. 857 00:56:41,954 --> 00:56:43,864 Now get outta here. 858 00:56:43,999 --> 00:56:48,079 Everything's gonna turn out just fine. Don't you worry about a thing, honey. 859 00:56:48,211 --> 00:56:50,915 Everything's gonna turn out slicker than cat shit... 860 00:56:51,048 --> 00:56:53,502 ...on a linoleum floor. 861 00:56:53,633 --> 00:56:54,830 (laughs) 862 00:56:58,680 --> 00:57:03,057 Well, if it ain't the celebrated cussin' Sheriff of Lanville County. 863 00:57:03,183 --> 00:57:06,057 - How are you, Sheriff? - I'm fine. How are you, Porky? 864 00:57:06,188 --> 00:57:10,020 Oh, Sheriff! I been real good all week. I've lost six pounds. 865 00:57:10,150 --> 00:57:13,520 Oh, yeah? Well, don't take nothin' off them cheeks. 866 00:57:13,653 --> 00:57:15,943 Oh, go on. 867 00:57:16,073 --> 00:57:18,112 (laughs) Whoa! 868 00:57:19,743 --> 00:57:22,197 Well, Jewel, I just promised the sheriff... 869 00:57:22,328 --> 00:57:24,785 ...that we're gonna shut down for two months. 870 00:57:24,915 --> 00:57:27,407 What? How can you promise that? 871 00:57:27,543 --> 00:57:31,921 What about the football game celebration tomorrow night? 872 00:57:32,048 --> 00:57:35,416 - I forgot all about that. - It's the Thanksgiving game. 873 00:57:35,551 --> 00:57:38,221 - That's real special. - I know, Jewel! 874 00:57:38,348 --> 00:57:40,885 I don't know what to do now. I did promise. 875 00:57:41,016 --> 00:57:45,476 You think, if we close the doors, just went on as planned, that'd be all right? 876 00:57:45,603 --> 00:57:50,148 I'm sure it will, honey. That party is a bigger tradition than the game. 877 00:57:55,573 --> 00:57:56,566 (crowd cheering) 878 00:57:58,032 --> 00:58:01,033 65,000-plus on hand here at Kyle Field... 879 00:58:01,160 --> 00:58:03,830 ...and we have seen an amazing ball game. 880 00:58:03,957 --> 00:58:07,489 Texas A&M heavily favoured, but we're tied 12-12. 881 00:58:07,627 --> 00:58:12,453 Aggies have the ball, second down at eight. Time is winding down. 882 00:58:12,589 --> 00:58:16,919 They try the middle of the Texas defence and again the break is stopped. 883 00:58:17,051 --> 00:58:20,257 - This University of Texas defence... - Whoo-wee! 884 00:58:21,348 --> 00:58:23,470 Whoo! 885 00:58:24,728 --> 00:58:29,354 String up the white. We'll see who wins and put up the orange or the maroon. 886 00:58:29,482 --> 00:58:31,521 Yes, ma'am. 887 00:58:32,527 --> 00:58:35,859 - I can't stand it if them Aggies win. - What do you mean? 888 00:58:35,989 --> 00:58:41,030 They're such animals. Always yellin' and jumpin' about and sayin' "yee-ha". 889 00:58:41,161 --> 00:58:45,409 They have to go for all the marbles, they will have to throw right now. 890 00:58:45,541 --> 00:58:48,957 Time running out. Miller rolls to the right. Pass! Touchdown! 891 00:58:50,670 --> 00:58:52,380 Yahoo! 892 00:58:52,506 --> 00:58:54,546 Hell! That calls for a drink. 893 00:58:58,053 --> 00:58:59,963 Don't let your mother see you. 894 00:59:00,597 --> 00:59:02,425 - Well, who won? - The Aggies. 895 00:59:02,557 --> 00:59:06,637 - Oh, shit. - (all) Yee-ha! 896 00:59:06,979 --> 00:59:09,305 Yee-ha! 897 00:59:09,899 --> 00:59:11,938 Yee-ha! 898 00:59:12,066 --> 00:59:14,107 Hey, boys! 899 00:59:15,571 --> 00:59:17,897 All right! Hey, boys! 900 00:59:19,285 --> 00:59:23,328 Boys, boys! That was the greatest victory... 901 00:59:23,455 --> 00:59:25,944 ...since General Eisenhower won! 902 00:59:26,291 --> 00:59:30,952 Senator, you ain't forgot you was gonna take us to the Chicken Ranch, did ya? 903 00:59:31,086 --> 00:59:35,251 - Yeah! How about it? - I always keep my campaign promises. 904 00:59:36,093 --> 00:59:41,169 The Chicken Ranch is a fine institution and I'm proud to have it in my district. 905 00:59:41,307 --> 00:59:44,391 And to hell with what Melvin P Thorpe says. 906 00:59:45,937 --> 00:59:48,689 I'll see all you seniors out at Miss Mona's. 907 00:59:58,072 --> 01:00:00,233 } We're gonna whomp and stomp 908 01:00:00,701 --> 01:00:05,909 } And a-whoop it up tonight 909 01:00:06,248 --> 01:00:11,041 } Those little gals won't never ever be the same 910 01:00:13,298 --> 01:00:16,500 } They're gonna love it when we whomp and stomp 911 01:00:16,928 --> 01:00:22,218 } And a-whoop it up, all right 912 01:00:22,556 --> 01:00:27,385 } It's even better than an Aggie football game 913 01:00:28,397 --> 01:00:30,767 Better than a football game? 914 01:00:31,190 --> 01:00:37,394 } And then we're gonna show them all a thing or two 915 01:00:39,366 --> 01:00:41,987 } We're gonna demonstrate 916 01:00:42,285 --> 01:00:45,489 } Just what a champion can do 917 01:00:46,040 --> 01:00:46,953 Yee-ha! 918 01:00:47,083 --> 01:00:51,745 } 75 miles until we get to heaven 919 01:00:52,046 --> 01:00:56,590 } 75 miles until our plans are laid 920 01:00:57,218 --> 01:01:01,797 } 75 miles until we get to the Chicken Ranch 921 01:01:02,182 --> 01:01:09,846 } Where history and Aggie boys get made 922 01:01:10,814 --> 01:01:12,854 (whooping) 923 01:01:23,453 --> 01:01:25,494 Yee-ha! 924 01:01:45,436 --> 01:01:47,473 Lookit here! Watch this. 925 01:02:08,585 --> 01:02:11,916 Yee-ha! Yee-ha! 926 01:02:15,050 --> 01:02:17,089 All right! Hey, come on. 927 01:02:18,928 --> 01:02:20,802 Attaboy! 928 01:02:20,930 --> 01:02:22,967 - Ooh, yeah! - Come on! 929 01:02:23,932 --> 01:02:25,971 All right! 930 01:03:09,521 --> 01:03:14,265 } 22 miles until we get to heaven 931 01:03:14,404 --> 01:03:18,816 } 22 miles until our plans are laid 932 01:03:19,156 --> 01:03:23,451 } 22 miles until we get to the Chicken Ranch 933 01:03:23,869 --> 01:03:30,867 } Where history and Aggie boys get made 934 01:03:43,638 --> 01:03:45,512 What the hell happened? 935 01:03:49,939 --> 01:03:52,724 Do we have to wear these ball gowns again? 936 01:03:52,857 --> 01:03:56,309 Yes, and I don't wanna hear any more bitchin' about it. 937 01:03:56,737 --> 01:04:00,319 Miss Mona likes to create somethin' special for the boys. 938 01:04:00,449 --> 01:04:02,691 It's like a graduation dance. 939 01:04:09,710 --> 01:04:11,417 Yee-ha! 940 01:04:11,876 --> 01:04:15,460 Yee-ha! Yee-ha! 941 01:04:22,973 --> 01:04:26,506 } One more mile until we get to heaven 942 01:04:26,893 --> 01:04:30,394 } One more mile until our plans are laid 943 01:04:30,857 --> 01:04:34,307 } One more mile until we get to the Chicken Ranch 944 01:04:34,566 --> 01:04:45,114 } Where history and Aggie boys get made 945 01:04:48,833 --> 01:04:50,291 Yee-ha! 946 01:04:50,667 --> 01:04:52,707 Y'all come on in! 947 01:04:53,170 --> 01:04:55,744 Oh, I'm so glad to see you. Congratulations! 948 01:04:55,882 --> 01:05:00,959 Hey, boys! I think you'll find it's a fittin' celebration for today's victory! 949 01:05:03,389 --> 01:05:06,307 - (all) Whoo! - Howdy, boys! 950 01:05:07,811 --> 01:05:10,729 Howdy, ma'am. I'm Senator Wingwood of the 19th District... 951 01:05:10,854 --> 01:05:14,059 ...and the Aggie class of '49. Mighty proud to meet you. 952 01:05:14,192 --> 01:05:17,560 To meet me! Charlie, who you think you're talkin' to? 953 01:05:17,695 --> 01:05:19,818 How's Mary Margaret and the kids? 954 01:05:21,284 --> 01:05:23,737 Hell, Miss Mona, I didn't think you'd remember. 955 01:05:23,868 --> 01:05:26,360 Remember? Did you remember to bring my cheque? 956 01:05:26,496 --> 01:05:28,537 I got it right here. 957 01:05:29,583 --> 01:05:34,328 Good. You know it's always a business doin' pleasure with you, Charlie. 958 01:05:34,463 --> 01:05:37,583 You boys head on out back. We've got a nice surprise for you. 959 01:05:37,715 --> 01:05:39,757 Come on, boys! 960 01:05:52,482 --> 01:05:56,526 - (woman) Yoo-hoo! Boys! - (} honky-tonk piano) 961 01:06:00,197 --> 01:06:01,693 Hi! 962 01:06:04,076 --> 01:06:06,746 - Hiya, girls! - (whistling) 963 01:09:28,456 --> 01:09:30,663 (boys) Yee-ha! 964 01:09:37,797 --> 01:09:38,295 (whistling) 965 01:09:38,423 --> 01:09:40,665 } Texas has a whorehouse in it 966 01:10:06,579 --> 01:10:08,617 (humming) 967 01:10:11,459 --> 01:10:12,657 (knocking) 968 01:10:12,793 --> 01:10:16,077 - Yo! - It's me, Deputy Fred! 969 01:10:16,212 --> 01:10:18,251 Come on in, Fred! 970 01:10:19,383 --> 01:10:22,418 - Evenin', Sheriff. - Happy Thanksgiving. You want a drink? 971 01:10:22,554 --> 01:10:25,554 Oh, no, thank you. That stuff always tears up my stomach. 972 01:10:25,681 --> 01:10:29,596 - I was readin' in the Reader's Digest... - What do you want, Fred? 973 01:10:29,727 --> 01:10:31,886 I was makin' my rounds around town... 974 01:10:32,021 --> 01:10:36,233 ...and I saw Melvin P Thorpe and a bunch of fellas headed out to the Chicken Ranch. 975 01:10:36,360 --> 01:10:38,398 - Melvin P Thorpe. - Uh-huh. 976 01:10:38,985 --> 01:10:41,109 Goin' out to the Chicken Ranch, was he? 977 01:10:41,239 --> 01:10:43,611 - Yeah? - Yeah. 978 01:10:43,741 --> 01:10:45,863 He's gonna be real disappointed! 979 01:10:47,119 --> 01:10:51,449 See, there ain't nothin' goin' on. Miss Mona promised me to close down. 980 01:10:51,583 --> 01:10:53,989 Well, she didn't. I was out there this evenin'. 981 01:10:54,127 --> 01:10:57,628 Those Aggies was just celebratin' to beat the band. 982 01:10:58,757 --> 01:11:00,630 - Oh, no. - Uh-huh! 983 01:11:00,759 --> 01:11:03,712 - Oh, shit! - Uh-huh. 984 01:11:38,673 --> 01:11:40,713 Shh. Quiet. 985 01:11:43,471 --> 01:11:47,633 Sh. This may be the most important scoop of my television career. 986 01:11:51,603 --> 01:11:53,643 Not now! Idiot boy. 987 01:11:56,692 --> 01:11:58,899 Give me that. Now. 988 01:11:59,026 --> 01:12:02,980 Good neighbours, we're about to enter the whorehouse itself. 989 01:12:03,115 --> 01:12:04,857 Cut. Come on. 990 01:12:05,576 --> 01:12:07,531 Stay with me. Come on. 991 01:12:07,661 --> 01:12:09,951 Come on, boys. 992 01:12:10,081 --> 01:12:13,082 There's been a party here. Watch your step. Sh. 993 01:12:15,669 --> 01:12:17,708 Hold this. 994 01:12:19,759 --> 01:12:21,549 (creaks) 995 01:12:23,011 --> 01:12:25,051 Damn quiet. 996 01:12:25,472 --> 01:12:27,511 Billy Joe, light switch. 997 01:12:32,728 --> 01:12:35,019 Shh. Come on. No! 998 01:12:36,481 --> 01:12:38,522 (snoring) 999 01:12:39,945 --> 01:12:41,984 Careful. 1000 01:12:43,573 --> 01:12:46,608 Henry... Lights. Light switch. 1001 01:12:46,744 --> 01:12:49,365 Watch me. You know what you gotta do. 1002 01:12:51,038 --> 01:12:53,660 Bingo. Lights! 1003 01:12:53,792 --> 01:12:55,831 Everybody up! 1004 01:12:58,005 --> 01:12:59,630 Let's get 'em! 1005 01:13:00,675 --> 01:13:02,715 All right! Come along! 1006 01:13:05,931 --> 01:13:07,128 Oh, shit! 1007 01:13:13,354 --> 01:13:15,976 - Jewel, what in hell is goin' on? - Call the sheriff! 1008 01:13:16,106 --> 01:13:18,229 It's that Melvin P Thorpe sucker! 1009 01:13:20,445 --> 01:13:22,815 Oh! Ooh! 1010 01:13:22,989 --> 01:13:25,313 They're smokin'! Cocaine! 1011 01:13:25,450 --> 01:13:27,442 Take their picture! 1012 01:13:35,544 --> 01:13:37,454 - All right... - (screams) 1013 01:13:37,589 --> 01:13:39,544 Take her picture! Thank you! 1014 01:14:13,499 --> 01:14:16,833 - Excuse me, ma'am. - Y'all come back now, you hear? 1015 01:14:16,962 --> 01:14:19,630 Come on, boys! Ooh! Look who's here. 1016 01:14:19,756 --> 01:14:22,248 Senator, the eyes of Texas are upon you. 1017 01:14:27,265 --> 01:14:29,387 Come on, boys! We got all we need. 1018 01:14:29,516 --> 01:14:30,892 Thank you, ma'am. 1019 01:14:31,978 --> 01:14:33,389 Oh! 1020 01:14:38,401 --> 01:14:39,728 Miss Mona! 1021 01:14:39,863 --> 01:14:41,901 Melvin P Thorpe. Gotcha! 1022 01:14:44,657 --> 01:14:48,785 Let's get to those vans! We're gonna make the mornin' news! 1023 01:15:19,193 --> 01:15:21,433 See you on TV! (laughs) 1024 01:15:21,572 --> 01:15:23,526 Holy shit! 1025 01:15:23,657 --> 01:15:25,694 God almighty. 1026 01:15:39,465 --> 01:15:42,666 Damn it! You gave me your word! And I took it! 1027 01:15:42,801 --> 01:15:45,554 - Now, I'm the law! - That law! Talk about the law! 1028 01:15:45,679 --> 01:15:50,755 A bunch of crazies break into my house, takin' pictures, invadin' my privacy. 1029 01:15:50,894 --> 01:15:54,510 Do you wanna know what the law's gonna do? I can tell you - nothin'! 1030 01:15:54,645 --> 01:15:57,896 They had no reason to do nothin' if you'd done what you said! 1031 01:15:58,024 --> 01:16:00,064 I trusted you. That's what hurt. 1032 01:16:00,194 --> 01:16:04,440 Don't you talk to me about trust! I trusted you to protect me! 1033 01:16:04,573 --> 01:16:07,147 I made a mistake tonight, OK? 1034 01:16:07,577 --> 01:16:11,112 If that's your apology, it ain't worth armadillo crap. 1035 01:16:11,247 --> 01:16:15,243 I ain't apologisin'! I'm a businesswoman payin' out double taxes! 1036 01:16:15,376 --> 01:16:19,918 I expect a little protection for my money! Where were you? I couldn't get you... 1037 01:16:20,048 --> 01:16:23,381 I was in bed, because you gave me your word you were closin' down. 1038 01:16:23,509 --> 01:16:26,346 If Sheriff Jack Roy Wallace was here, none of this... 1039 01:16:26,469 --> 01:16:30,173 Sheriff Jack Roy Wallace couldn't hold my jock! 1040 01:16:30,308 --> 01:16:32,763 Goddamn it, Mona, you're makin' me mad! 1041 01:16:32,894 --> 01:16:37,437 Whoo! Listen at him cuss and shout. Just like on TV! 1042 01:16:37,565 --> 01:16:40,317 You're just a kid playin' at bein' a cowboy. 1043 01:16:40,444 --> 01:16:42,687 You ain't never gonna grow up! 1044 01:16:42,821 --> 01:16:44,861 You use me as your mistress. 1045 01:16:44,990 --> 01:16:48,026 You use that damn Dulcie Mae as your in-town wife. 1046 01:16:48,161 --> 01:16:50,317 You even use that little boy of hers... 1047 01:16:50,451 --> 01:16:53,241 ...so you can play weekend daddy! - Leave him out of it! 1048 01:16:53,373 --> 01:16:58,582 You're playin'. You're just a big, overgrown kid playin' at bein' a man! 1049 01:16:58,714 --> 01:17:01,879 I don't have to listen to this shit. Damn it! 1050 01:17:02,007 --> 01:17:06,386 I'm the law. If I choose to, I'll close this place down till hell freezes over. 1051 01:17:06,514 --> 01:17:10,807 Don't you threaten me. I'm tellin' the truth, and you know it! 1052 01:17:10,932 --> 01:17:14,979 And all of your big dreams of goin' to the legislature. 1053 01:17:15,103 --> 01:17:20,060 They're just dreams, cos you ain't never gonna be no more than you are right now. 1054 01:17:20,193 --> 01:17:23,644 A chickenshit sheriff in a chickenshit town. 1055 01:17:26,283 --> 01:17:30,232 You may be right. It's a hell of a lot better than bein' a whore. 1056 01:18:33,352 --> 01:18:36,767 Legalised prostitution, pro or con, is in the news today. 1057 01:18:36,896 --> 01:18:40,516 For a report, here is Jeff Gerald in Gilbert, Texas. 1058 01:18:41,985 --> 01:18:44,737 The Chicken Ranch, the legendary bawdyhouse... 1059 01:18:44,864 --> 01:18:49,193 ...is showing little activity after the disclosure of the Thanksgiving-night raid. 1060 01:18:49,327 --> 01:18:52,993 - Get away! - The deputy keeps away onlookers... 1061 01:18:53,122 --> 01:18:57,618 ...while up at the house the doors are closed and the principals are not talking. 1062 01:18:58,085 --> 01:19:00,576 The Sheriff of Gilbert refused interviews,... 1063 01:19:00,713 --> 01:19:04,460 ...while in Houston the man who launched the campaign, Melvin P Thorpe,... 1064 01:19:04,593 --> 01:19:06,633 ...held a press conference today. 1065 01:19:06,762 --> 01:19:09,253 This report says that the Chicken Ranch... 1066 01:19:09,390 --> 01:19:13,554 ...is involved with and under the influence of organised crime. 1067 01:19:13,686 --> 01:19:18,429 I am gonna take this report to Austin in the hopes that the governor himself... 1068 01:19:18,564 --> 01:19:22,859 ...will come out of his long silence on this issue and uphold the law. 1069 01:19:22,986 --> 01:19:26,190 - (applause) - Thank you. Thank you very much. 1070 01:19:26,656 --> 01:19:28,695 The governor made no statement,... 1071 01:19:28,828 --> 01:19:32,492 ...but Senator Charles Wingwood, a principal figure in the raid,... 1072 01:19:32,622 --> 01:19:35,457 ...held a press conference explaining his involvement. 1073 01:19:35,583 --> 01:19:39,247 I have no independent recollection of going to the Chicken Ranch. 1074 01:19:39,380 --> 01:19:44,089 I can only say, as the most dedicated anti-Communist in the state legislature... 1075 01:19:44,216 --> 01:19:48,262 ...that I must have been drugged by Communists or Communist sympathisers... 1076 01:19:48,387 --> 01:19:52,222 ...and placed there to harm my reputation and good name. 1077 01:19:52,348 --> 01:19:54,805 Reaction across the state is split 50-50. 1078 01:19:54,937 --> 01:19:58,140 But here in Gilbert, the Chicken Ranch has many supporters. 1079 01:19:58,272 --> 01:20:02,898 I ain't never seen anything bad come out of there, and I've lived here all my life. 1080 01:20:03,027 --> 01:20:06,028 Why, they attract a lot of business to the community. 1081 01:20:06,157 --> 01:20:08,826 They pay their taxes, just like you and me! 1082 01:20:09,575 --> 01:20:13,161 No one... no one was ever forced to go up there. 1083 01:20:13,331 --> 01:20:16,617 My Frank, when he was alive, used to go up there every Saturday. 1084 01:20:16,751 --> 01:20:20,962 I took it as a blessin'. Of course, things were different then. 1085 01:20:21,089 --> 01:20:25,169 Nowadays women enjoy doin' that sort of thing themselves. 1086 01:20:25,300 --> 01:20:27,542 At least, so I've been told. 1087 01:20:27,677 --> 01:20:30,595 The Chicken Ranch? I think it's a good idea. 1088 01:20:30,722 --> 01:20:34,010 See, you take young boys and they're gonna be lookin' for women. 1089 01:20:34,144 --> 01:20:37,179 If they can't find 'em, they'll rape 'em. And if they don't... 1090 01:20:37,313 --> 01:20:41,394 ...they'll run to other women and get diseases! Those girls went to doctors. 1091 01:20:41,528 --> 01:20:45,190 Although petitions are being circulated to save the Chicken Ranch... 1092 01:20:45,321 --> 01:20:48,075 ...this bumper sticker is beginning to appear. 1093 01:20:48,533 --> 01:20:53,610 And so, as feminists support the bill for the decriminalisation of prostitution... 1094 01:20:53,746 --> 01:20:57,161 ...while traditionalists lobby for its defeat,... 1095 01:20:57,292 --> 01:21:01,999 ...the fate of the Chicken Ranch rests with the governor, who again was unavailable. 1096 01:21:02,381 --> 01:21:04,706 Jeff Gerald, ABC News, Gilbert, Texas. 1097 01:21:04,841 --> 01:21:06,882 Thank you, Jeff. If there are... 1098 01:21:08,722 --> 01:21:11,211 Well, I hate admitting I was wrong, Miss Mona. 1099 01:21:11,348 --> 01:21:14,222 But with television broadcasting all this... 1100 01:21:14,351 --> 01:21:19,061 ...we should've done what the sheriff said and kept this place closed. 1101 01:21:19,190 --> 01:21:22,105 It was my fault, Jewel. It was my decision. 1102 01:21:22,237 --> 01:21:24,938 He ain't gonna be able to stop it this time, is he? 1103 01:21:25,072 --> 01:21:28,653 No. He'd like to, but he's out of his league. 1104 01:21:28,783 --> 01:21:30,940 He don't know how to fight 'em. 1105 01:21:31,077 --> 01:21:35,122 He's just a good old boy that ain't never gonna grow up. 1106 01:21:35,247 --> 01:21:37,655 Honey, we see everything in this profession. 1107 01:21:37,793 --> 01:21:41,624 But one thing I ain't never seen, man nor woman, is a grown-up. 1108 01:21:41,755 --> 01:21:44,673 Don't be too hard on him. He loves you. 1109 01:21:48,804 --> 01:21:51,676 Well, he ain't never said it. 1110 01:21:51,807 --> 01:21:54,678 Some men can't say the words, honey. 1111 01:21:54,810 --> 01:21:58,179 But that don't mean they don't feel it in their heart. 1112 01:21:58,732 --> 01:22:01,980 Well, it's just as well anyhow, Jewel. 1113 01:22:02,108 --> 01:22:04,861 I set my course a long time ago... 1114 01:22:05,904 --> 01:22:08,361 ...and I can't go changin' now. 1115 01:22:12,995 --> 01:22:18,120 I don't know what to do. Folks got nothin' to talk about but this Chicken Ranch mess. 1116 01:22:18,250 --> 01:22:21,206 Like a broken record: Chicken Ranch, Chicken Ranch... 1117 01:22:21,336 --> 01:22:24,293 All of this bad publicity's flat ruinin' business. 1118 01:22:24,423 --> 01:22:28,339 - I haven't sold a car in a week. - It's ruinin' the town. 1119 01:22:28,470 --> 01:22:31,673 No one's blamin' you, Ed Earl. It ain't your fault. 1120 01:22:31,806 --> 01:22:34,723 But we can't just sit around here waitin' to grow tits! 1121 01:22:34,850 --> 01:22:37,852 The way I see it, the Chicken Ranch served a purpose once. 1122 01:22:37,979 --> 01:22:40,020 But now everything's openin' up. 1123 01:22:40,149 --> 01:22:43,814 Do you know we are in the middle of a worldwide sexual revolution? 1124 01:22:43,945 --> 01:22:46,778 Why, Miss Mona's ain't obscene, it's just obsolete. 1125 01:22:46,905 --> 01:22:50,026 She ain't got a handful of supporters left, Ed Earl. 1126 01:22:50,285 --> 01:22:55,244 All this publicity's makin' folks think twice about signin' that petition. 1127 01:22:55,373 --> 01:23:00,283 Why can't that station in Houston look at the cesspool in their own back yard? 1128 01:23:00,417 --> 01:23:03,421 How about Austin? Two blocks from the state capitol... 1129 01:23:03,546 --> 01:23:07,048 ...you can have anything done to you that you can get in Tangiers! 1130 01:23:07,177 --> 01:23:09,549 There's naked massages, tongue baths... 1131 01:23:09,679 --> 01:23:12,169 ...somebody ticklin' your ass with a feather. 1132 01:23:12,307 --> 01:23:16,257 If you know that for a fact, Mr Newspaper Editor... 1133 01:23:16,395 --> 01:23:18,435 ...it's your duty to expose it! 1134 01:23:18,564 --> 01:23:23,476 Now, you see here, CJ! I don't give a damn if folks want their ass tickled! 1135 01:23:23,610 --> 01:23:27,110 I kinda like to think that that's what heaven is all about. 1136 01:23:29,576 --> 01:23:33,406 Boys, I got myself a pretty good bullshit detector. 1137 01:23:33,538 --> 01:23:38,247 I can tell when somebody's peein' on my boots and tellin' me it's a rainstorm. 1138 01:23:38,376 --> 01:23:42,076 Now, this thing's gotten way outta hand. I don't know how. 1139 01:23:42,212 --> 01:23:45,711 - I figure there's only one thing to do. - Close it down! 1140 01:23:46,094 --> 01:23:49,177 Nope. I'm goin' to Austin. 1141 01:23:49,304 --> 01:23:53,385 See the governor. Tell him Miss Mona's side of the situation. 1142 01:23:54,267 --> 01:23:56,973 He sure as hell won't hear about it from anybody here. 1143 01:23:57,104 --> 01:24:00,554 - You can't go up and see the governor! - He don't see anybody! 1144 01:24:00,688 --> 01:24:02,932 He'll see me. 1145 01:24:15,372 --> 01:24:19,120 Feel like the country dog in the city. If I stand still, they screw me. 1146 01:24:19,250 --> 01:24:21,825 - If I run, they bite me in the ass. - (laughs) 1147 01:24:22,839 --> 01:24:25,210 I... I wish... 1148 01:24:25,343 --> 01:24:27,878 ...there was somethin' I could do. 1149 01:24:28,011 --> 01:24:30,049 Thank you. 1150 01:24:32,683 --> 01:24:36,182 They want me to close her down, run her out of town. 1151 01:24:39,855 --> 01:24:43,770 How can I ask her to leave, when all I want her to do is stay? 1152 01:25:04,131 --> 01:25:09,337 Ladies and gentlemen, His Excellency, the Governor of Texas. 1153 01:25:12,347 --> 01:25:16,927 My friends, I want to thank you for that sincere and heartwarming ovation. 1154 01:25:17,062 --> 01:25:19,101 No questions, please. 1155 01:25:19,230 --> 01:25:22,562 Governor, what do you think of the crisis in the Middle East? 1156 01:25:22,693 --> 01:25:26,737 I was sayin' at the weekly prayer breakfast in this historic capitol... 1157 01:25:26,863 --> 01:25:29,188 ...that it behooves the Jews and the Arabs... 1158 01:25:29,322 --> 01:25:33,156 ...to settle their differences in a christian manner. 1159 01:25:33,285 --> 01:25:37,864 Have you seen the evidence of the disgraceful situation at the Chicken Ranch? 1160 01:25:40,293 --> 01:25:44,753 } Fellow Texans, I am proudly 1161 01:25:45,259 --> 01:25:49,633 } Standing here to humbly say 1162 01:25:50,639 --> 01:25:52,678 } I assure you 1163 01:25:52,806 --> 01:25:54,965 } And I mean it 1164 01:25:55,100 --> 01:25:59,846 } Now, who says I don't speak out as plain as day? 1165 01:25:59,980 --> 01:26:02,020 } And fellow Texans 1166 01:26:02,817 --> 01:26:06,398 } I'm for progress and the flag 1167 01:26:06,528 --> 01:26:09,695 } Long may it fly 1168 01:26:11,033 --> 01:26:14,730 } I'm a poor boy come to greatness 1169 01:26:16,663 --> 01:26:20,282 } So it follows that I cannot tell a lie 1170 01:26:21,960 --> 01:26:25,876 - What the hell did he say? - Same as usual. Not a damn thing. 1171 01:26:30,345 --> 01:26:33,678 } Ooh, I love to dance a little sidestep 1172 01:26:34,099 --> 01:26:37,267 } Now they see me, now they don't, I've come and gone 1173 01:26:37,393 --> 01:26:41,143 } And ooh, I love to sweep around the wide step 1174 01:26:41,565 --> 01:26:44,729 } Cut a little swath and lead the people on 1175 01:26:48,864 --> 01:26:50,489 - Governor! - Yeah. 1176 01:26:50,616 --> 01:26:53,866 - Jerry Rogers of the Houston Post. - Hi, Jerry. 1177 01:26:53,995 --> 01:26:57,994 Governor, do you plan to take action against the Chicken Ranch? 1178 01:26:58,124 --> 01:27:01,709 } Now, my good friends, it behooves me 1179 01:27:02,002 --> 01:27:04,789 } To be solemn and declare 1180 01:27:05,798 --> 01:27:08,667 } I'm for goodness and for profit 1181 01:27:09,594 --> 01:27:13,178 } And for living clean and saying daily prayer 1182 01:27:13,305 --> 01:27:16,638 } And now, my good friends, you can sleep nights 1183 01:27:17,183 --> 01:27:20,268 } I'll continue to stand tall 1184 01:27:20,980 --> 01:27:24,101 } You can trust me for I promise 1185 01:27:24,777 --> 01:27:28,689 } I shall keep a watchful eye upon y'all 1186 01:27:32,408 --> 01:27:35,861 - Did you get that? - I hear him talkin', but he don't come in. 1187 01:27:36,705 --> 01:27:40,075 } Ooh, I love to dance a little sidestep 1188 01:27:40,542 --> 01:27:43,792 } Now they see me, now they don't, I've come and gone 1189 01:27:43,921 --> 01:27:47,750 } And ooh, I love to sweep around the wide step 1190 01:27:48,094 --> 01:27:51,260 } Cut a little swath and lead the people on 1191 01:27:52,681 --> 01:27:55,884 There he is. Come on, boys. Governor! Governor. 1192 01:27:56,476 --> 01:27:58,717 Melvin P Thorpe, Watchdog News. 1193 01:27:58,936 --> 01:28:02,142 Why has the Chicken Ranch operation been so long ignored? 1194 01:28:02,272 --> 01:28:04,313 We have acoustic problems in here. 1195 01:28:04,443 --> 01:28:09,069 - Aren't you afraid of payoffs and bribes? - Melvin, I'm sorry. 1196 01:28:09,196 --> 01:28:11,949 Enough pussyfootin', Governor. What will you do... 1197 01:28:12,075 --> 01:28:14,648 ...about Miss Mona and the Chicken Ranch? 1198 01:28:25,716 --> 01:28:29,794 } Now Miss Mona, I don't know her 1199 01:28:30,470 --> 01:28:34,929 } Though I've heard the name, oh, yes 1200 01:28:36,015 --> 01:28:39,599 } But of course I have no close contact 1201 01:28:40,144 --> 01:28:44,724 } So what she is doin' I can only guess 1202 01:28:44,858 --> 01:28:46,897 } And now Miss Mona 1203 01:28:47,321 --> 01:28:53,905 } She's a blemish on the face of that good town 1204 01:28:57,121 --> 01:28:59,956 } I am takin' certain steps here 1205 01:29:00,751 --> 01:29:04,581 } Someone somewhere's gonna have to close her down 1206 01:29:08,094 --> 01:29:09,667 Can you believe that man? 1207 01:29:09,801 --> 01:29:12,804 - Is that a yes or a no? - That's a possible maybe. 1208 01:29:14,556 --> 01:29:17,974 } Ooh, I love to dance a little sidestep 1209 01:29:18,269 --> 01:29:21,555 } Now they see me, now they don't, I've come and gone 1210 01:29:21,688 --> 01:29:25,559 } And ooh, I love to sweep around the wide step 1211 01:29:25,985 --> 01:29:28,939 } Cut a little swath and lead the people on 1212 01:29:29,822 --> 01:29:33,109 } Ooh, I love to dance a little sidestep 1213 01:29:37,371 --> 01:29:40,703 } Ooh, I love to sweep around the wide step 1214 01:29:48,760 --> 01:29:54,216 } Cut a little swath and lead the people on 1215 01:30:01,103 --> 01:30:05,233 Governor? I have Sheriff Dodd from Gilbert waiting outside to see you. 1216 01:30:05,358 --> 01:30:09,142 He's been here since early this morning and is very insistent. 1217 01:30:09,280 --> 01:30:11,686 Swearin' Sheriff Dodd? The one on TV? 1218 01:30:11,825 --> 01:30:13,699 No, no, no, no... 1219 01:30:13,827 --> 01:30:15,699 Hi, Sheriff! 1220 01:30:15,827 --> 01:30:18,200 Just talkin' about you. How are ya? 1221 01:30:18,331 --> 01:30:21,247 Governor, I know I'm way outta line comin' up here... 1222 01:30:21,377 --> 01:30:24,540 ...but before you close the Chicken Ranch you must know the facts. 1223 01:30:24,669 --> 01:30:27,756 I haven't made that decision! My aides are workin' on that. 1224 01:30:27,883 --> 01:30:32,381 Well, the Chicken Ranch has been in my county since before I was born. 1225 01:30:32,722 --> 01:30:37,098 Its doors have been open to soldiers and presidents and farmers. 1226 01:30:37,935 --> 01:30:42,015 Even governors who can remember what a great institution it is. 1227 01:30:42,856 --> 01:30:45,430 - No need to bring that up. - I ain't threatenin' you. 1228 01:30:45,567 --> 01:30:48,401 Whatever you say, I'll do. But think of the people. 1229 01:30:48,529 --> 01:30:51,897 I've known Miss Mona for 12 years. You'll never meet a finer woman. 1230 01:30:52,033 --> 01:30:55,237 She never refuses a charity. The whole town likes her. 1231 01:30:55,369 --> 01:30:58,986 Hospital fund, new swimmin' pool, even the Little Leaguers. 1232 01:30:59,123 --> 01:31:03,121 She bought 'em uniforms so they wouldn't have to play in their overalls. 1233 01:31:03,253 --> 01:31:05,292 Well... 1234 01:31:06,130 --> 01:31:09,415 I wasn't aware of her civic generosity. 1235 01:31:11,345 --> 01:31:14,298 - But the law is the law! - Sometimes it's gotta be changed. 1236 01:31:14,430 --> 01:31:18,345 I been fightin' crime all my life, but let's not confuse crime with sin. 1237 01:31:18,476 --> 01:31:22,723 You can't legislate morality. Those girls have never caused any trouble. 1238 01:31:22,856 --> 01:31:25,939 They're healthy, taxpayin', law-abidin' citizens... 1239 01:31:26,066 --> 01:31:29,851 ...who supply a demand and provide an economic asset to the community. 1240 01:31:29,987 --> 01:31:32,229 Whew! Ed Earl! 1241 01:31:33,241 --> 01:31:36,527 You ever think about runnin' for office? Huh? 1242 01:31:36,661 --> 01:31:42,450 I swear, you make that whorehouse sound like a damn nonprofit recreational facility. 1243 01:31:42,585 --> 01:31:47,743 Governor, if the citizens who elected me found it necessary to close it down... 1244 01:31:47,882 --> 01:31:49,541 ...I would close it down. 1245 01:31:49,675 --> 01:31:52,382 If Miss Mona and the girls that work for her... 1246 01:31:52,511 --> 01:31:55,799 ...were jeopardisin' the health or morals of the community... 1247 01:31:55,931 --> 01:31:57,555 ...I would close it down. 1248 01:31:57,685 --> 01:32:01,431 If the place was just a piddlin' nuisance, an eyesore, a fire hazard... 1249 01:32:01,562 --> 01:32:04,099 ...I would close it down! But there's nothin'! 1250 01:32:04,230 --> 01:32:06,688 No reason except the goddamn cries... 1251 01:32:06,816 --> 01:32:10,601 ...of a muckrakin' sensationalist on television. 1252 01:32:10,739 --> 01:32:14,272 Here they are, Governor. What you've been waitin' for. 1253 01:32:16,037 --> 01:32:18,074 Oh, I'm sorry, Ed Earl. 1254 01:32:18,203 --> 01:32:22,036 The Chicken Ranch loses, 42 to 37, with 21% undecided. 1255 01:32:22,167 --> 01:32:23,827 - What is that? - The polls. 1256 01:32:23,960 --> 01:32:26,747 You can't expect me to go against the polls. 1257 01:32:26,881 --> 01:32:29,714 Melvin still outside? Maybe I can catch the cameras. 1258 01:32:29,841 --> 01:32:33,378 - Good seein' ya. - But it's not what my people want. 1259 01:32:34,011 --> 01:32:36,763 Show's over, Sheriff. Close it down! 1260 01:32:46,524 --> 01:32:48,434 - (crowd) Hooray! - Ha-ha! 1261 01:32:51,365 --> 01:32:54,318 } Melvin Thorpe has done it once again 1262 01:32:54,450 --> 01:32:58,071 } He's shone his light and now we see 1263 01:32:58,872 --> 01:33:01,872 } Melvin Thorpe will go through thick and thin 1264 01:33:02,000 --> 01:33:05,499 } And lead us on to victory 1265 01:33:06,547 --> 01:33:09,879 } Ooh, I love to dance a little sidestep 1266 01:33:10,300 --> 01:33:13,634 } Now they see me, now they don't, I've come and gone 1267 01:33:13,762 --> 01:33:17,381 } And ooh, I love to sweep around the wide step 1268 01:33:17,976 --> 01:33:21,141 } Cut a little swath and lead the people on 1269 01:33:21,604 --> 01:33:24,640 } Melvin Thorpe has done it once again 1270 01:33:24,776 --> 01:33:28,309 } He's shone his light and now we see 1271 01:33:29,152 --> 01:33:32,071 } Melvin Thorpe will go through thick and thin 1272 01:33:32,198 --> 01:33:36,147 } And lead us on to victory 1273 01:33:37,536 --> 01:33:40,621 } Melvin Thorpe has done it once again 1274 01:33:40,747 --> 01:33:44,699 } He's shone his light and now we see 1275 01:33:44,833 --> 01:33:48,499 I'd love to see that sheriff's face right now! 1276 01:33:49,089 --> 01:33:52,423 That Chicken Ranch is gonna get it in the neck! 1277 01:33:53,054 --> 01:33:56,386 And Miss Mona, she's gonna get hers too. 1278 01:34:00,101 --> 01:34:03,020 } Melvin Thorpe will go through thick and thin 1279 01:34:03,146 --> 01:34:10,395 } And lead us all to victory 1280 01:34:13,698 --> 01:34:15,940 (Ed Earl) Sorry son of a bitch. 1281 01:34:33,720 --> 01:34:36,294 (phone rings) 1282 01:34:50,653 --> 01:34:52,731 Hello. 1283 01:34:52,866 --> 01:34:55,153 Mona, this is an official call. 1284 01:34:56,118 --> 01:34:58,953 As the Sheriff of Lanville County, it's my duty... 1285 01:34:59,079 --> 01:35:02,201 Why don't you just get to the point, Sheriff? 1286 01:35:03,541 --> 01:35:06,577 - I gotta close you down. - I see. 1287 01:35:08,631 --> 01:35:10,756 How long do we have? 1288 01:35:10,882 --> 01:35:13,257 Be better to do it as soon as possible. 1289 01:35:15,764 --> 01:35:18,134 I understand. 1290 01:35:18,265 --> 01:35:20,306 Mona. 1291 01:35:21,103 --> 01:35:23,343 About the other night. 1292 01:35:25,064 --> 01:35:27,308 I lost my temper. 1293 01:35:28,526 --> 01:35:31,100 I said some things I shouldn't have said. 1294 01:35:32,531 --> 01:35:34,570 I want to apologise. 1295 01:35:34,700 --> 01:35:36,694 Oh, it's all right, Ed Earl. 1296 01:35:36,827 --> 01:35:40,327 I think we both said a whole lot of things we regret. 1297 01:35:40,457 --> 01:35:42,412 If there's anything I can do... 1298 01:35:42,541 --> 01:35:46,077 No, thank you. I think you've done all you could. 1299 01:35:46,212 --> 01:35:48,251 I have to tell my girls. 1300 01:36:16,909 --> 01:36:18,949 (bell) 1301 01:36:22,415 --> 01:36:24,657 Well, the news has come. 1302 01:36:25,503 --> 01:36:27,791 Just got a call from the sheriff... 1303 01:36:27,923 --> 01:36:29,915 ...and we are closed down. 1304 01:36:30,048 --> 01:36:32,089 Immediately and permanently. 1305 01:36:33,927 --> 01:36:36,680 Oh... What'll we do? 1306 01:36:37,515 --> 01:36:40,682 Well... Las Vegas, here I come. 1307 01:36:41,060 --> 01:36:44,890 Damn! I thought when the sheriff went to speak to the governor... 1308 01:36:45,019 --> 01:36:48,022 ...we'd get a reprieve. - What did you say? 1309 01:36:48,526 --> 01:36:52,987 - Didn't you know about that, Miss Mona? - He drove up last night. 1310 01:36:53,116 --> 01:36:56,814 The whole town's talkin' about the way he fought for you. 1311 01:36:56,951 --> 01:36:59,159 Didn't he tell you that? 1312 01:36:59,288 --> 01:37:01,778 No. No, he didn't. 1313 01:37:32,072 --> 01:37:35,854 } Hey, maybe I'll dye my hair 1314 01:37:38,035 --> 01:37:40,489 } Maybe I'll move somewhere 1315 01:37:40,622 --> 01:37:42,661 } Maybe I'll get a car 1316 01:37:43,040 --> 01:37:48,166 } Maybe I'll drive so far they'll all lose track 1317 01:37:48,589 --> 01:37:51,873 } Me, I'll bounce right back 1318 01:37:52,841 --> 01:37:54,999 } Maybe I'll sleep real late 1319 01:37:57,766 --> 01:37:59,923 } Maybe I'll lose some weight 1320 01:38:00,308 --> 01:38:02,551 } Maybe I'll clear my junk 1321 01:38:02,686 --> 01:38:08,144 } Maybe I'll just get drunk on apple wine 1322 01:38:08,356 --> 01:38:14,110 } Me, I'll be just fine and dandy 1323 01:38:14,406 --> 01:38:18,784 } Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas 1324 01:38:19,036 --> 01:38:23,579 } I'm barely gettin' through tomorrow 1325 01:38:23,833 --> 01:38:28,411 } But still I won't let sorrow bring me way down 1326 01:38:28,923 --> 01:38:33,085 } I'll be fine and dandy 1327 01:38:33,761 --> 01:38:38,175 } Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas 1328 01:38:38,307 --> 01:38:42,719 } I'm barely gettin' through tomorrow 1329 01:38:43,061 --> 01:38:48,480 } But still I won't let sorrow bring me way down 1330 01:38:51,777 --> 01:38:55,644 } Hey, maybe I'll learn to sew 1331 01:38:57,243 --> 01:39:00,694 } Hey, maybe I'll just lie low 1332 01:39:00,831 --> 01:39:02,987 } Maybe I'll hit the bars 1333 01:39:03,122 --> 01:39:08,247 } Maybe I'll count the stars until the dawn 1334 01:39:08,796 --> 01:39:12,543 } Me, I will go on 1335 01:39:12,926 --> 01:39:15,381 } Maybe I'll settle down 1336 01:39:17,722 --> 01:39:20,011 } Maybe I'll just leave town 1337 01:39:20,142 --> 01:39:22,264 } Maybe I'll have some fun 1338 01:39:22,599 --> 01:39:27,512 } Maybe I'll meet someone and make him mine 1339 01:39:27,941 --> 01:39:33,563 } Me, I'll be just fine and dandy 1340 01:39:34,030 --> 01:39:38,277 } Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas 1341 01:39:38,494 --> 01:39:42,989 } I'm barely gettin' through tomorrow 1342 01:39:43,206 --> 01:39:47,785 } But still I won't let sorrow bring me way down 1343 01:39:48,253 --> 01:39:52,500 } I'll be fine and dandy 1344 01:39:52,968 --> 01:39:57,426 } Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas 1345 01:39:57,554 --> 01:40:01,966 } I'm barely gettin' through tomorrow 1346 01:40:02,267 --> 01:40:06,728 } But still I won't let sorrow bring me way down 1347 01:40:09,567 --> 01:40:13,695 } I'll be fine and dandy 1348 01:40:14,280 --> 01:40:18,526 } Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas 1349 01:40:18,868 --> 01:40:23,280 } I'm barely gettin' through tomorrow 1350 01:40:23,538 --> 01:40:28,166 } But still I won't let sorrow bring me way down 1351 01:40:50,026 --> 01:40:54,272 } I'll be fine 1352 01:40:54,821 --> 01:40:59,069 } I'll be fine 1353 01:40:59,702 --> 01:41:04,911 } I'll be fine 1354 01:41:19,306 --> 01:41:23,885 So the girls left, and it was a sorry day for Lanville County. 1355 01:41:26,979 --> 01:41:29,019 Kinda like the end of an era. 1356 01:41:29,524 --> 01:41:32,524 You know, like when you graduate from high school? 1357 01:41:32,656 --> 01:41:35,024 Things are just never the same again. 1358 01:41:37,200 --> 01:41:40,403 Ed Earl's up in the state legislature now... 1359 01:41:40,536 --> 01:41:42,778 ...and I became the sheriff. 1360 01:41:49,462 --> 01:41:52,167 I suppose you're wonderin' what happened to Miss Mona. 1361 01:41:52,298 --> 01:41:55,881 Well, Ed Earl drove up there on her last day. 1362 01:42:12,069 --> 01:42:14,440 - Hey, Sheriff. - Good morning, Jewel. 1363 01:42:14,573 --> 01:42:18,072 I'm so pleased to see you. I knew you couldn't let me leave... 1364 01:42:18,200 --> 01:42:21,320 ...without a sweet goodbye for your old Porky. 1365 01:42:23,747 --> 01:42:26,203 - Goodbye, Jewel. - Goodbye, Sheriff. 1366 01:42:26,333 --> 01:42:29,371 I sure hope you come up north to visit Miss Mona and me. 1367 01:42:29,503 --> 01:42:31,744 - Where is she? - Inside. 1368 01:42:33,885 --> 01:42:36,587 See you're takin' the old juke with you. 1369 01:42:36,719 --> 01:42:40,550 Now, you know I couldn't leave without my bell and my box. 1370 01:43:24,228 --> 01:43:26,765 Ed Earl? 1371 01:43:28,439 --> 01:43:31,191 This old place looks kinda funny, don't it? 1372 01:43:31,650 --> 01:43:36,856 Ben Sawtuck bought all my furniture and Langston downtown's gonna sell the rest. 1373 01:43:41,743 --> 01:43:45,611 - Mona, I wanna tell you somethin'. - I want you to thank your boys for me. 1374 01:43:45,749 --> 01:43:50,743 Those reporters would have got outta hand if it hadn't been for your deputies. 1375 01:43:52,381 --> 01:43:55,466 - You know me better than... - Ed Earl, the thing to do... 1376 01:43:55,592 --> 01:43:59,505 ...is to put this whole thing behind you just as quick as you can. 1377 01:43:59,638 --> 01:44:02,973 I've made a little money, I've laughed, I've danced to the music. 1378 01:44:03,100 --> 01:44:06,218 It's just time to pay the fiddler, that's all. 1379 01:44:08,772 --> 01:44:11,857 Mona, we've been together a long time. 1380 01:44:11,985 --> 01:44:15,519 Sometimes I think you know me better than I know myself. 1381 01:44:16,865 --> 01:44:19,236 You know how hard this is for me to say. 1382 01:44:21,451 --> 01:44:23,491 I love you. 1383 01:44:25,499 --> 01:44:27,489 Will you marry me? 1384 01:44:27,624 --> 01:44:31,160 Oh, Ed Earl, I've loved you since I was 16 years old. 1385 01:44:31,711 --> 01:44:34,583 But I've thought about this for a long time. 1386 01:44:34,716 --> 01:44:37,086 And as much as I'd love for it to work... 1387 01:44:37,218 --> 01:44:40,719 ...I know deep down in my heart it ain't never gonna be. 1388 01:44:40,847 --> 01:44:43,681 - Didn't you hear what I said? - I did, darlin'. 1389 01:44:43,810 --> 01:44:46,430 But it's gonna always be just like it is. 1390 01:44:47,103 --> 01:44:49,974 There just ain't no way in this world it can work. 1391 01:44:50,689 --> 01:44:53,895 We could make it work. Just have to give it a chance. 1392 01:44:55,988 --> 01:45:00,815 } If I should stay 1393 01:45:02,411 --> 01:45:07,618 } Well, I would only be in your way 1394 01:45:09,377 --> 01:45:12,461 } And so I'll go 1395 01:45:13,049 --> 01:45:16,133 } And yet I know 1396 01:45:16,844 --> 01:45:22,086 } That I'll think of you each step of the way 1397 01:45:24,767 --> 01:45:27,806 } And I 1398 01:45:28,479 --> 01:45:33,770 } Will always love you 1399 01:45:33,901 --> 01:45:38,694 } I will always 1400 01:45:38,824 --> 01:45:43,237 } Love you 1401 01:45:46,081 --> 01:45:50,909 } Bittersweet memories 1402 01:45:53,173 --> 01:45:58,248 } I guess that's all I'll be takin' with me 1403 01:46:01,015 --> 01:46:03,052 } Goodbye 1404 01:46:03,432 --> 01:46:05,673 } Oh, please, don't cry 1405 01:46:06,977 --> 01:46:14,440 } Cos we both know that I'm not what you need 1406 01:46:14,903 --> 01:46:17,738 } But I 1407 01:46:18,114 --> 01:46:23,701 } Will always love you 1408 01:46:23,831 --> 01:46:28,241 } I will always 1409 01:46:28,709 --> 01:46:32,835 } Love you 1410 01:46:38,345 --> 01:46:40,883 I know you're gonna get your dream. 1411 01:46:41,682 --> 01:46:45,513 And I know you're gonna do a real good job in the legislature. 1412 01:46:46,685 --> 01:46:49,852 - But if you was to marry me... - Wait a second. 1413 01:46:50,648 --> 01:46:52,937 I love you. 1414 01:46:53,651 --> 01:46:56,356 I don't give a damn what people say. 1415 01:47:02,117 --> 01:47:03,363 Jewel! Hold it right there! 1416 01:47:03,496 --> 01:47:05,535 What's that, Sheriff? 1417 01:47:08,210 --> 01:47:11,079 - Which one of them bags is hers? - That one. 1418 01:47:11,921 --> 01:47:14,838 And that one there, there... 1419 01:47:22,515 --> 01:47:24,390 Oh, Sheriff! 1420 01:47:27,311 --> 01:47:29,885 I always knew you'd come through! 1421 01:47:44,995 --> 01:47:47,036 Whoa! 1422 01:48:44,560 --> 01:48:48,638 (Fred) Well, that's pretty darn close to the way it happened. 1423 01:48:48,770 --> 01:48:52,519 The old Watchdog, Melvin P Thorpe, got what he wanted. 1424 01:48:53,609 --> 01:48:57,228 Miss Mona married Ed Earl, and they got what they wanted. 1425 01:48:58,154 --> 01:49:02,483 And the people of Texas, well, they got what they wanted: 1426 01:49:02,618 --> 01:49:06,827 Another legend. The legend of the Chicken Ranch. 1427 01:49:07,873 --> 01:49:11,124 } It's just a little bitty pissant country place 1428 01:49:11,378 --> 01:49:13,003 } Nothin' much to see 1429 01:49:13,128 --> 01:49:15,800 } No drinkin' allowed we get a nice quiet crowd 1430 01:49:15,925 --> 01:49:17,205 } Plain as it can be 1431 01:49:17,341 --> 01:49:20,794 } It's just a piddly, squattin' old-time country place 1432 01:49:20,929 --> 01:49:22,554 } Nothin' too high-toned 1433 01:49:22,680 --> 01:49:24,924 } Just lots of goodwill and maybe one small thrill 1434 01:49:25,059 --> 01:49:26,718 } But there's nothin' dirty goin' on 1435 01:49:26,852 --> 01:49:30,269 } It's just a little bitty pissant country place 1436 01:49:30,395 --> 01:49:32,022 } Nothin' much to see 1437 01:49:32,149 --> 01:49:34,687 } No drinkin' allowed, we get a nice quiet crowd 1438 01:49:34,820 --> 01:49:36,278 } Plain as it can be 1439 01:49:36,404 --> 01:49:39,688 } It's just a piddly, squattin' old-time country place 1440 01:49:39,823 --> 01:49:41,532 } Nothin' too high-toned 1441 01:49:41,661 --> 01:49:43,781 } Just lots of goodwill and maybe one small thrill 1442 01:49:44,037 --> 01:49:46,159 } Just lots of goodwill and maybe one small thrill 1443 01:49:46,415 --> 01:49:48,572 } Just lots of goodwill and maybe one small thrill 1444 01:49:48,708 --> 01:49:50,416 } But there's nothin' dirty goin' on 1445 01:49:53,631 --> 01:49:55,255 } Nothin' dirty goin' on 1446 01:49:56,425 --> 01:49:58,667 Y'all come back now, you hear? 122601