Original subtitles

Tobie: Welcome to Just Roll With It!

(theme music playing)

(kids cheering)

♪ ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

It's time to go.

‐(bell ringing) ‐(kids cheering)

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

(audience cheering, applauding)

Woo!

Woo!

Whoa!

Welcome to Just Roll With It!

Tobie: Yeah!

The only show where a studio audience votes

on what happens to us in scenes.

(audience cheering)

And might I add,

this is easily the best‐looking crowd we've ever had.

‐I see you! ‐(audience hooting)

What are you doing?

Buttering them up. I'm hoping they'll go easier on me.

When you hear this sound...

(foghorn blares)

...you get to vote,

and no matter what you pick, we'll have to:

All: Just Roll With It!

(audience cheering)

Tobie: Let's start the show!

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

Sorry I'm late. I had a morning conference call, but I couldn't get reception.

What?

The first thing we want to say, honey,

is that everyone here loves you.

But we need to talk to you about your old, busted‐up phone.

Last week, you didn't get our texts to come pick us up.

We had to walk home from school, with our legs,

like some chucklehead from the 1800s!

I like my phone. I'm used to it.

Rachel, you're tearing this family apart!

Look, I know it's not the latest and greatest,

but it gets the job done.

Watch. I'll send you a text right now. (chuckles)

‐(keypad beeping) ‐Okay.

And it crashed, it does this sometimes.

It just needs a...

‐little... ‐(bangs)

Yeah, and a quick ten minutes to reboot. (chuckles)

Here, I can help you with that.

All right! Gonna teach your mom a little tech hack? (chuckles)

‐(gasps) ‐Oops.

Blair, that was not an oops! What am I gonna do now?

How about you use this?

It's already set up for you.

I even uploaded all your data to the cloud.

Data doesn't belong in clouds, Blair.

That's where angels and storms live.

And your calendar is linked with Dad's.

That way, you can constantly remind him of things he's supposed to be doing.

Byron, this says you have jury duty today at 10 a. m.

Aw, man. This'll be, like, the third one of those I missed.

Byron, jury duty is serious.

If you miss this, you could get a huge fine or be thrown in jail.

If they do throw you in the clink,

try to get sent to San Sinora, 'cause Lewistown's a real drag.

‐You gotta get down there now. Go! ‐All right. I'm going!

‐Gator, you'll have to fill in solo. ‐Gator: No can do.

I'm no good on my own, that's why I live with my mom!

Well, I can't go on the air. According to my new, fancy future phone,

I have a call scheduled with the station owner,

and if there's even a second of dead air, it's my head on the chopping block.

‐Owen and I can do it. ‐Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I'm only a fearless daredevil when it comes to athleticism.

When it comes to public speaking,

I'm what the experts would call "a 'fraidy pants coward baby."

Mom, can we?

Yeah, lady boss. Can they?

Absolutely not.

‐(phone rings) ‐Aah!

It's the station owner.

Okay, kids, you're on, but only till I'm off the phone.

Read out the call letters every 15 minutes,

weather's at the top of the hour,

and do not start ranting about flat‐Earth theory.

I think that last one was for me.

Blair, what are we gonna talk about?

You know I'm bad at playful banter.

‐(foghorn blares) ‐(audience cheering)

Woo! Oh!

Blair: Oh!

Okay!

‐(bell dings three times) ‐Host: Okay, audience.

You guys vote on what you want to have happen next.

Director: Someone's gonna come to the door,

‐and you're gonna have to listen and do what they say. ‐Okay.

Host: Votes are in. Let's see who comes to the door.

Man: Rolling.

Director: Action!

Blair, what are we gonna talk about?

You know I'm bad at playful banter.

‐(knocking) ‐Come in.

‐You guys go answer. ‐(knocking continues)

‐Hello. ‐Hi. Maybe I could be of some assistance.

It's me, Hal.

Your friendly neighborhood radio game salesman.

(cackles)

Uh, I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to be in this building anymore.

Actually, I was here to meet with your mom.

But... since you two are here,

I'm wondering if I could get you

to test a brand‐new game for me over there.

Come on with me, guys. Hee‐hee!

(audience cheering)

Ah. Here she is.

I call her "Pushed Off Cliff." (laughs)

‐(bell dings) ‐She's a real beaut.

(cheers)

All right. We're gonna get you suited up

with some protective gear.

So, what's gonna happen is, you guys are gonna step out on the ledge.

I'm gonna ask you trivia questions.

You answer wrong, blocks from the wall will push out,

forcing you two off the cliff.

Are you ready?

What gymnast landed a perfect score of 10

in the 1976 Montreal Olympics?

(laughing)

‐Blair (giggles): Hint? ‐Uh... uh...

‐Blair: Hint? ‐Hint? Uh, it's a gymnast.

What's her first name?

Oh. I'll give you her full name,

because you are not gonna get it right.

It's Nadia Comaneci from Romania.

‐(buzzer buzzes) ‐Uh, uh, oh, oh.

‐Oh! ‐Owen: Oh!

I moved that block with my mind.

Okay. Your butt is the largest muscle in your body,

and is made up of the gluteus maximus,

gluteus minimus, and this.

No way you're getting it. Gluteus medius.

‐Next block. ‐(Owen yells)

All: Oh!

(Hal laughing)

The average American does this

22 times a day.

‐Walk? ‐Open the refrigerator.

Hal: Next block, please.

‐(siren blares) ‐Owen: Oh!

Hal: Oh! (laughing)

We could play all day.

Here's what happens next.

‐Oh, oh, oh, oh! ‐(Blair shrieks)

‐Hal: Let's send him over the cliff, too. ‐(siren blaring)

Owen: No, no, no!

Hal: So, how many of these do you want to buy?

Let me think. Uh, put us down for none!

Owen: Yeah.

Come on, guys. We're on!

Hal: Okay, kids. I'll see you later.

I'll put you down for a couple of dozen of these babies.

Bye!

And we are...

live!

(audience cheers, applauds)

Just try and act natural.

Good morning, everybody!

Byron had to step away for a court‐ordered moment,

so filling in for him is his golden voice‐‐

the angel‐faced stepdaughter Blair.

Also filling in for the B‐man today is his only son, Owen.

(flatly): Hi, uh, hello. I am that person.

I mean, I am Owen.

This is the voice that is Owen's.

I am having a fun time,

and this is all very natural to me.

Praise be, we've got a caller.

'Sup, Stretch?

Stretch (over phone): Uh, you're pretty good at this radio stuff.

But that other kid is terrible.

If I were you, I'd ditch that loser and go solo.

Listening to him makes me want to punch myself in the ears.

You know what?

You're... you're mean!

And a jerk.

You're a mean jerk!

And also, I'm 12 years old.

I'm doing the best I can, okay? How old are you?

‐Stretch (over phone): Forty‐eight. ‐Exactly!

And you've got nothing better to do with your time

than to make fun of a kid who's one‐fourth your age.

Hello?

Stretch (over phone): I‐I'm here. I'm just trying to do that math.

Hold on. Me too.

My math is always on point.

Now get off my phone!

Wow, Owen. I've never seen that side of you.

Another phone call!

Tyber (over phone): Hey, my name's Tyber. I'm 12 years old,

and I just wanted to say, way to go handling that old dude.

Thank you.

Adults are always pushing kids around, just because they can.

Tyber (over phone): Yeah, dude. They think they can keep us kids down

just 'cause they run the world.

And what a great job they've done

with running the world, by the way.

World War I, started by adults.

World War II, started by adults.

Every other single war, started by adults!

Whoa, we got a ton of calls coming in!

Beef (over phone): Hey, my name's Beef. I'm eight years old.

And I agree. I hate adults.

Okay, now. Hold on.

I'm not saying I hate adults.

Beef (over phone): Oh. You're not?

Owen, the audience is loving your youthful rage.

Give the people what they want!

Yeah! I don't hate adults. I despise them!

(audience cheering)

♪ ♪

Hey, Owen. Check out this new jingle.

Chorus: ♪ Owen and Blair talk about adults ♪

Actually, instead of ranting about adults,

I was thinking we could do something more uplifting.

I'd love to share the recipe for my signature three‐bean summer salad!

There's one reason why Mom's keeping us on the air.

She loves us and wants to support our creative endeavors?

No, ding‐dong.

Because yesterday, we had the most callers in station history!

We've tapped into something, here.

I don't know why, but the listeners have chosen you

to be their voice.

And we've got to ride this anti‐adult rage train

wherever it takes us.

I don't know, Blair. I mean, I don't even really agree

with half of the stuff I said.

Some of my best friends are adults.

Sharon from the bank.

Gerald the mailman.

Look, Owen. Everyone's life stinks.

And all they want is someone to blame it on.

That's where we come in. We're providing a service.

I just don't feel comfortable with this.

I wouldn't want you to do anything you're not comfortable with.

It's just a shame,

because those ratings are making Mom look

really good to the station owner.

I just hope Mom can handle the disappointment.

You know how bad her heart's been lately.

Wait. What's wrong with Rachel's heart?

Forget I said anything.

But I guess if you don't want to help her...

I always want to help Rachel! It's what I live for.

Great! There's my little rage monster!

Now, while you start getting all riled up,

I'll go grab my notes.

Mom, you still haven't ordered any paper for the printer!

Hold on, I gotta finish this. My phone came with all these video games.

So far, I've crushed a bunch of jewels,

built my own farm, and now I'm a block person chopping wood like this.

Mom, did you even hear what I said?

You're becoming a screen addict.

That's cool. Tell her I said hi.

Hey, everyone. Guess who's back?

It took two days, but it turns out

both the prosecution and the defense

thought I was unfit to be a juror. Cha‐ching!

Congrats, Byron! I always thought you'd be a terrible juror.

I hope you and Owen had fun filling in,

but I am psyched to get back on the air.

(phone chimes)

Rachel, did you just text me, "Kids stay, you go."

‐(phone chimes) ‐Whoa.

Are these the overnight ratings from when the kids were on the air?

These are huge!

Yeah, so I'm gonna keep having them do the show for a little bit.

Tough break. Well, gotta go!

Showtime!

W‐‐ well, hold on a minute.

Am I getting fired by my own wife

and being replaced by my own kids?

Don't be silly. I'm just moving you to the graveyard shift.

The truckers passing through town will love you.

Gotta say, I am starting to love the perks

of this rage train.

Choo‐choo!

I told you to listen to me.

Check out this painting a fan gave me this morning.

I really love how they captured my hulking muscles!

So, I guess you're down with the anti‐adult stuff now.

Yeah. I mean, they're just words,

and words never hurt anybody.

‐(students shouting angrily) ‐What's that sound?

Teachers! Barricade yourselves in the teachers' lounge!

What's going on?

‐Aah! ‐(kids yelling)

Commander Owen, we're doing it!

The uprising has started, just like you wanted!

Whoa. I never said anything about an uprising.

Wait. What exactly are we uprising against?

The teachers just announced that they're taking

all the candy out of our vending machines.

So now we're gonna take what they love:

the coffee machine from the teachers' lounge!

‐Yeah! ‐(all screaming)

Leave our coffee alone! It's all we have!

(foghorn blares)

(audience cheering)

Host: Now you get to vote on how Owen will distract the angry mob.

Our actors are leaving the stage so we can prepare your choice.

So, I'm not sure what's about to happen in this one.

‐(Blair mouthing Tobie's words) ‐But I'm sure I'm probably gonna be dancing like this.

(Tobie laughs)

Host: Okay, that's it. Votes are in.

I have to read a red book.

‐Host: Let's see how Owen distracts the angry mob. ‐(bell ringing)

Director: Action!

Leave our coffee alone! It's all we have!

I've got to distract them! (gasps)

And I know how!

"Go to the locker with the gray dot on it,

"open it, and step back.

(audience laughs)

What?

‐Oh, no! Not you again! Not you again. ‐Ha‐ha!

‐(bell dings) ‐Did somebody order a distraction?

It's me! Luna the Lunch Lady.

And let me tell you something.

While my days are spent choppin',

my nights are spent hoppin'!

Hey!

I even brought my dance troupe here.

(audience cheers)

‐Hit it! ‐(dance music playing)

(pots clank rhythmically)

Luna: Let's see what the kids can do. Yeah!

‐I can floss. Watch! ‐Woo!

(audience cheers)

Oh. The robot!

(audience cheering)

(Owen gibbering)

Woo! Woo!

(audience cheering)

Owen: Yeah!

(all yelling)

That crowd still looks riled up.

Good luck with that. Come on, ladies!

We couldn't have done this without your show

bringing us all together.

It was your words that made this happen.

(cheering)

(all cheering)

‐You've really done it this time. ‐Me?

Eh. It was worth a shot.

We've both really done it this time.

(audience cheering)

♪ ♪

The students have seized the teachers' means of coffee production!

All: Yeah!

Can I go? Uh, I'm not even a teacher.

I'm the delivery man.

I swear, I didn't see any of you kids' faces.

‐(students yelling) ‐Owen, we can fix this.

You're the voice of the revolution. They'll listen to you.

You're right.

Everyone, stop!

Quiet, angry mob! Commander Owen speaks.

This has all gotten out of hand.

Look, I have a confession to make.

‐I don't hate adults. ‐(gasping)

I mean, sure, some of them are terrible.

Criminals. Foodies. Mimes.

But they've also done some good things.

Like, reaching stuff on high shelves.

Inventing video games! And I'm sure some other stuff, too.

Cell phones. An adult invented the cell phone.

‐I think. ‐And horse racing.

But they're taking the candy out of our vending machines!

The school board said we had to.

If we don't listen to them, we'll get fired!

See? It wasn't even the teachers.

This is my point. Instead of blaming one another,

we should learn to communicate.

We're more alike than we are different.

Owen's an age traitor!

Kids (chanting): Age traitor!

Age traitor! Age traitor! Age traitor!

They need someone to blame!

Hey! I know who we should blame!

The school board!

All: Yeah!

(chanting): School board! School board! School board! School board!

School board! School board!

School board! School board!

Ugh!

Byron, you look terrible.

I'm exhausted. This graveyard shift is really kicking my butt.

Did you just pour orange juice in your coffee?

I don't know. Probably.

Hey, Blair, what do you say we give the listeners

my signature three‐bean summer salad recipe today?

I think it would be a nice change of pace to do a show

that doesn't result in a violent rampage.

Mom, you still haven't ordered any paper?

Sure, go ahead and eat whatever you want, honey.

Mom, put down the phone.

We need you!

But the Internet loves me.

I've been making web videos, and one of them even went viral,

which it turns out online is a good thing.

Let me show you.

(foghorn blares)

(audience cheering)

‐(bell dings) ‐Host: What should Rachel's viral video be?

Vote for your favorite.

‐She's gonna have to make up her web video! ‐Or they might give her‐‐

For a few whole episodes, I didn't have to shower in.

The camera is your phone.

‐Great. ‐Cue card will be presented

‐and you can read that off into your phone. ‐Okay.

Host: Let's find out how you voted.

Director: Action!

Well, hello, my viewers!

Uh, what's up, everybody? It's‐‐ (laughs)

It's your girl, MajorMom2K19.

Today, I'm gonna be unboxing

all the prezzies you've sent me.

‐That's right. ‐(bell dings)

Ooh, let's start with our first one!

And of course, I can't open a box for you

unless I put on protective eyewear.

And, oh, boy! Nose plugs!

Oh. These are ear plugs.

Let me just clean 'em off.

(audience exclaims, groans)

Here we go. Five, six, seven, eight!

‐(hissing) ‐(yells)

Hey! You‐‐ Hey! Ssst! Ssst!

What did I train you? You don't bite.

Hey. What did you do?

What did you do? What did you do?

Well, that wasn't terrifying at all.

Major Mom might need a little change of underwear.

All right, MajorMom2K19

comin' in hot!

‐(gasps) ‐(audience groans)

That's right, baby. You know how I like it!

All right, baby! Let's see what fun surprise is in box number three.

Ooh, it's the anticipation that's worse than the thing.

That... is that smoke?

‐My carbon monoxide detect‐‐ ‐(fire alarm rings)

‐(water pattering) ‐Aah! Oh, no!

Oh, no!

My smoke alarm!

All right. Well, hey.

Remember to smash that follow button, playas!

(audience cheering)

Yes, I remember that just like it was five minutes ago.

Mom, you have a problem.

I know that maybe I've been a little distracted by my new phone,

but that doesn't mean I'm not aware

of what's going on around me.

Excuse me. I'm with the Department of Labor Regulations.

I understand you're employing two children

as on‐air personalities,

one of whom is inciting youth riots

across the state.

Okay. Well, I was not aware that was going on around me.

Kids, you're off the air. Byron, you're back on.

We're back, baby!

Oh, thank goodness!

They were monsters!

And thanks for the tip, Byron.

‐Byron! ‐You turned us in?

I may be a terrible juror, but I'm a great witness.

Tough break. Gotta go. Showtime!

And that's our show!

You guys have been a great crowd!

‐Woo! ‐♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

‐Yeah! ‐Woo!

Woo!

(audience cheering)

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

(cheering continuing)

♪ Na, na, na, na... ♪

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