Original subtitles

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

Tobie: Welcome to Just Roll With It!

(theme music playing)

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

(kids cheering)

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

All: Just Roll With It!

‐(bell rings) ‐(kids cheering)

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

(audience cheering)

Tobie/Suzi: Woo!

Woo!

Welcome to Just Roll With It!

‐(audience cheering) ‐Tobie: Woo!

The only show where you, the audience,

get to vote on what happens to us in scenes.

‐(audience cheering) ‐Yes.

Um, where's Ramon?

He's up here!

Uh, I'm tired of being on the receiving end of stunts.

‐I want to vote! ‐(Tobie laughs)

Nice try, buddy. Get down here.

‐Come on. ‐(audience cheering)

When you hear this sound:

(foghorn blares)

You get to vote, and we'll have to...

All: Just Roll With It!

Tobie: Let's start the show!

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

♪ ♪

Boom! I did it! I'm a hero.

I just got all of us invited on Family Squabbles.

(sputters)

Family Squabbles? Are you serious?

What's Family Squabbles?

Only the greatest game show of all time.

It pits two families against each other

to see who knows more about each other.

The show's host, Smiley Waterman,

is a living legend.

I'm his biggest fan.

I've been following him for years,

which is why he filed that stupid restraining order against me.

Anyway, the show's doing a "Battle of the DJs" episode,

and our family's going up against DJ Dirty Dan's family.

Whoa. He's like, your archrival.

This is huge!

The winning family gets $25,000!

That's perfect! I could use that money to buy 35 drones.

Why do you need 35 drones?

It's best you don't know, Mom.

It's called plausible deniability.

That's very sweet of you to look out for me, honey,

but I think we should use that money for our first family vacation!

I have my eye on a cruise

where they not only feature close‐up magic,

they also have multiple a cappella groups!

Mom, if we go on that,

I swear, I will throw myself overboard.

They've thought of that, sweetie. They have safety nets.

Guys, $25,000 could really change our lives.

‐We shouldn't waste it on silly things. ‐Then what should we do with it?

Build at 1,200‐square foot underground bunker

to prepare for when an EMP blast

takes out the electrical grid and society collapses.

I'm talking concrete walls, six feet thick, 20 years of food supplies,

and enough crossbows to defend ourselves from the mutant motorcycle gangs

who sack each city, looking for beans and cheap thrills!

Plus, it'll add a three percent value to our home if we choose to sell.

I can't believe I'm gonna finally meet Smiley Waterman.

I'm one of the most prolific writers of fan fiction about him

on the Family Squabbles message boards.

My most recent work is about Smiley befriending a local radio sidekick

who's in search of a father figure.

I call it, "I Now Pronounce You Father and Son."

Uh, Gator, they only invited our family to the show.

This is so unfair! I wish I was never born!

(sobbing)

Guess he doesn't want his paycheck for this week.

No, I need that, very badly!

But I'm still sad!

So, we're just gonna do a quick rehearsal,

so everyone can get used to the show

before we go live tomorrow.

Byron: Look at that!

(laughs)

Ohhh, this is so cool!

I can't believe I'm gonna be on TV. I'm like Will Smith.

Have you ever met any famous people?

‐Tons. ‐What are they like?

Horrible, every single one of them.

Okay, well, this is fun.

Just imagine, this time next week,

we're gonna be going on our first‐ever

Bennett‐Blatt family vacation!

And look, I made us all matching T‐T‐T‐T‐T‐shirts!

Hmm.

Sorry, Rachel, but an a cappella cruise isn't gonna save us

when we have to fend off hordes of mutant bikers.

‐But you know what will save us? ‐A bunker?

You said it, not me. That's two votes bunker.

Spare me, bunker boy.

We need all that cabbage for my drone army.

This town's not gonna know what hit it.

Let me tell ya, a real rain's gonna fall.

Hey, look. It's DJ Dirty Dan.

‐My archnemesis. ‐Hey, there, Byron.

Uh, has anyone told you how much time we have for‐‐

Just keep walkin', DJ Dirty Dan!

‐Okay. ‐What a lying, no good, snake in the grass.

Owen: I don't know. He seemed kind of nice.

That's exactly what he wants you to think.

He is the embodiment of pure evil but in human form.

That's what "embodiment" means.

You don't need to say, "in human form."

Why you gotta do that? Just let me have my moments!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

‐Okay, fam, we got this! ‐We got this!

Announcer: Okay, rehearsal starts in three, two, one!

(audience cheering)

Hello, everybody out there in TV land.

I'm Smiley Waterman.

And this is a test run‐through that the network‐‐

‐(foghorn blares) ‐(audience cheering)

(Smiley laughing)

Announcer: Okay, audience. You see your choices.

‐One, two, or three. ‐(bell dings three times)

You choose what game the family has to play.

Ramon: Game show. We know it's a game show.

Something's gonna drop. That's what I'm thinking.

Game show, you gotta get something dropped.

Announcer: And let's go back to the scene.

Director: Action!

Hello, everybody out there in TV land.

I am Smiley Waterman.

And before we do this test run‐through of Family Squabbles,

I want to try out a brand‐new game show.

It is called Super Gross Donut!

(audience cheering)

‐(bell dings) ‐Smiley: Oh, yeah.

Now on this wheel, there are some good donuts,

and you guessed it‐‐ some super gross donuts!

Can we specify what you mean by super gross donuts?

This, my friend, is an example of...

what looks like a delicious,

but is in fact, a super gross donut.

‐Oh! ‐(audience groans)

Smiley: Filled with pudding, and perhaps my own hair.

‐(Byron yelling) ‐You don't have any hair, though!

I don't have it now.

The family testing out my brand‐new game today is...

Ooh! The Bennett‐Blatts.

Come on up here.

‐(audience cheering) ‐Smiley: The rules of the game are simple.

The players will spin the wheel and land on a donut.

Whichever donut they land on, they must take a bite.

Rachel: Okay, let's go.

Let's get the good donuts.

Okay, okay.

Rachel: Okay. All right. Okay.

‐Okay. ‐Oh!

All: Oh!

‐Oh, gross. ‐Okay, here we go.

‐Gotta take a big bite. ‐Oh, I know. I gotta get my vitamins.

‐(Blair laughs) ‐(audience groans)

‐(Byron laughs) ‐Smiley: Uh‐huh.

Byron: Did it get bad? Ooh, did it get bad?

‐(Byron yells) ‐(audience exclaims)

‐What is it? ‐Rachel, in fact, it's actually sour cream and clams.

‐(buzzer buzzes) ‐All: Oh!

Oh, yeah. There's a‐‐ There's a clam follicle.

Smiley: Can't go wrong with clams.

‐Byron/Blair: Oh! ‐Audience: Oh!

(audience cheering)

Smiley: Yes, Blair!

‐Woo! ‐Rachel: All right, Blair.

‐Smiley: Get in there with both hands, Blair. ‐Owen: Let's see.

You got this, girl. You got it.

‐No! ‐Smiley: No peeking.

Audience (chanting): Eat it! Eat it!

‐Take it! ‐Audience (chanting): Eat it! Eat it!

Take it! Take some more!

I'll help you. I'll do a bite with you. Ready?

Here we go. One, two, three.

‐(giggling) ‐You gotta eat it!

‐(yelling) ‐Smiley: What have you got, Blair?

‐Oh, what have you got? ‐Audience: Oh!

Smiley: That's actually almost a good donut.

It's whip cream and sardines.

‐(buzzer buzzes) ‐Smiley: Sardines.

Here's a little bucket for you, there, sister.

Smiley: Coming up on it. Yes!

All right.

Audience (chanting): Eat it! Eat it!

‐Rachel: All right, buddy. ‐This looks incredibly gross.

‐But I'm going for it. ‐Rachel: Yeah, boy. Yeah!

‐(audience cheering) ‐Ugh!

(yelling)

‐Blair: Is it beef? ‐Look like a meatball. What is that?

Smiley: Owen, I gotta tell you, it's cotton candy,

‐and mussels. Cotton candy and mussels. ‐(buzzer buzzes)

Audience: Ew!

You have one of four donuts left.

(audience cheering)

‐Let's go. I'm going. ‐All right. Let's see.

‐Let's go. ‐Owen: What is it?

‐Yeah! ‐(Blair yelling)

‐Smiley: That's a man‐sized bite. ‐Blair: Oh!

‐It's a jelly donut. ‐Is it the good one?

‐It's‐‐ no‐‐ ‐That's a cricket. That's a cricket.

‐(laughing) ‐Owen/Blair: Oh!

‐That's like a lobster or something. ‐Blair: No!

You are correct, buddy! That is crickets and jam!

‐You guessed it right! ‐(audience groans)

Oh, my goodness.

(audience groans)

‐Smiley: Ugh. ‐Audience: Oh!

‐Ew! ‐Smiley: Well, Bennett‐Blatts,

you didn't find the good donuts, and there's only reason for that.

‐There are no good donuts! ‐I knew it!

‐They're all super gross donuts! ‐(Blair yelling)

But you know what? You know what?

Blair: I was gonna say‐‐

Uh, I appreciate the applause, but this game's not gonna work.

Let's just get back to Family Squabbles.

Uh, hey, team, come and clear this stuff out.

Get yourselves back there. Get yourselves cleaned up.

(audience cheering)

Now you all know the rules of this game.

Bennett‐Blatt family, this first question is for you.

And we're gonna start with a real easy one.

Other than donuts, what is Blair's favorite dessert?

‐Chocolate ice cream. ‐Byron, it's cotton candy.

‐No, it's funnel cake. ‐(buzzer buzzes)

Guys, my favorite dessert is snorkin' down a bowl of sprinkles

dusted with a thin layer of rock candy.

Smiley: Oof!

Not a good start for the Bennett‐Blatts.

I guess the one thing we can all agree on:

this team is losing.

(audience cheering)

You guys are evil! That was so gross!

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

‐We're like, way, way, way, way off. ‐(chattering)

Blair, you said I was born in 1945.

‐You are all pathetic! ‐(all yelling)

‐Ow! ‐Gator!

‐You can't break into our house! ‐I can, and I did.

And I broke in here because I heard how bad you guys blew it in rehearsal!

Family Squabbles is about working together.

But you're all so caught up in your own worlds,

you don't know anything about each other!

This is gonna sound strange, but I actually think he's right.

Of course I am. But don't worry.

I'm gonna help you win that game.

‐(foghorn blares) ‐(audience cheering)

‐We just did one! ‐What?

‐(bell dings three times) Announcer: Okay, audience. You decide what kind of race

the family has to run.

Bye, guys.

Okay, I'm in on it. The rest of the cast has no idea.

I've rehearsed three different things.

I don't know what they're gonna choose yet,

the audience, but I'm losing my mind.

‐Announcer: Votes are in. ‐Director: We will restart the scene with you saying,

"Of course I am. But don't worry."

Announcer: Now, back to the scene.

Director: Action!

Of course I am. But don't worry.

I'm gonna help you win that game.

And the most obvious way of doing that is with...

‐a cart race! ‐(bell dings)

(audience cheering)

Follow me, guys. Let's go.

We're gonna get the blood flowing with some friendly competition.

Blair and Owen will sit in the carts and be pulled by their parents.

Whoever is the first one back wins.

Ready? On your mark. Get set.

‐Cart! ‐Woo! Let's go!

(all cheering)

‐Go, go, go, go, go, go! ‐Go, go, go!

Byron: Whoa, whoa, whoa!

‐Move, move, move! Move out of my way, cow! ‐(dinosaur roaring)

‐Byron: Get out of my way! Let's go, let's go! Move! ‐Come on, Dad! Beat 'em!

Byron: I'm gonna cut around the corner. I'm gonna take the inside.

‐I got the inside on the girls! ‐Blair: Ooh, yeah!

‐(crashing) ‐Audience: Oh!

Eat my hay!

‐Dad, run, run, run! ‐Byron: I'm gonna catch her on the go‐around.

‐Faster, Mom! Faster! ‐Byron: I'm comin' for ya! I'm coming for ya!

‐Go, go, go! ‐We're gaining up on them!

Go, go, go!

‐(all chattering) ‐You're cutting me off!

(Blair, Owen yell)

(Byron laughing, coughing)

‐We did it! ‐(audience cheering)

‐Inside, take the inside lane. ‐Gotta cheat to win.

Great job, guys. Great job! Yeah!

‐(audience cheering) ‐Gator: Yeah!

But now it's time to really buckle down.

I ain't leavin' until you all get to know each other.

And even after that, I might not leave.

Hey, this is it. The big show. How does everyone feel?

I actually feel pretty good. Owen, what's my favorite book?

‐You don't have one. ‐Bingo.

Rachel, what's my recurring nightmare?

That you catch some weird growing disease,

and we have to keep you in a barn feeding you carts of pumpkins

while trying to keep you hidden from the government.

You got it. And again, that can't happen, right?

Right.

Gator, I gotta hand it to you.

I think your coaching really worked.

I'm sorry. I can't talk to you like this.

Will you take that ridiculous disguise off?

(in British accent): Oi, no can do, guv'nor.

I'm afraid I'm not allowed anywhere on this studio lot.

See? Pish‐posh.

Well, I'm gonna go steal sodas from the green room.

‐Rachel, you coming? ‐That's why I brought my extra big purse.

Oi, top of the morning, to you, Mr. Smiley Waterman.

‐I'm your biggest fan, I is. ‐Oh, that's nice.

I've written a short fan fiction novella, I did.

It would tickle my knickers if you would give it a read, it would.

Big Ben, tally‐ho, and a Benedict Cumberbatch to you and yours.

Uh, you look awfully familiar. Have we met before?

Oi, I doubt that, guv'nor.

Oh, look at the time‐y wime on my arm clocky‐wock.

Toodle‐oo, Harry Styles, and all that jazz.

(singing cheerily)

Hey, guys. Uh, Blair and Owen, right?

‐Yeah. What of it? ‐I'm Dirty Dan Jr.

And this is Dirty Danielle Jr. We wanted to say hi.

Not sure our dads want us chatting,

seeing as they are mortal enemies and all.

Mortal enemies?

Huh. Our dad always said he was a big fan of your dad.

‐Oh. ‐It's cool. It's not like it matters now, anyway.

Our dad lost his job.

Really? But he just won DJ of the Year.

Yeah, but they're replacing all DJs with some kind of robot.

Dad's hoping someone will see him on this game show

and give him a new radio job,

but that'll probably never happen.

Hey, Owen and Blair, right?

‐Hi. ‐Yeah.

It's great to meet you guys. Your dad is a living legend.

Sorry, kids.

I tried to get you guys some sodas, but they're all out.

Both: Aw.

They really do seem nice.

Yeah. Not at all how Byron described him.

Kids, you're not gonna believe how many sodas we got in my purse.

Everything's coming up us.

Now, let's get ready to take down that snake, DJ Dirty Dan

‐and his rotten, no‐good family. ‐Mm.

Announcer: And now it's time

for America's fifth favorite game show:

All: Family Squabbles!

Announcer: Here's your host, Smiley Waterman!

(laughing) Woo!

(laughing)

Thank you, thank you. You are too kind.

Blessed and honored. Blessed and honored.

All right, now, you all know the rules,

and I got four of these things to shoot today,

so let's get right to our first question.

This one goes to...

DJ Dirty Dan's family.

Dirty Dan Jr., what is your father's favorite hobby?

Well, to be honest, Mr. Waterman,

Pa hasn't had a lot of time for hobbies since my mee‐maw got sick.

But before that, I'd have to say that his favorite hobby was finding stray dogs,

nursing them back to health, and helping them find their forever home.

So the boy one says that his dad hasn't had a lot of time

because of sick grandma,

but he used to like snatching up gutter mutts.

Let's see what Dad says.

‐(bell dinging) ‐Smiley: Oh, ho‐ho!

Now that is a family that knows each other!

Bennett‐Blatts, same question.

Blair, what is your dad's favorite hobby?

Watching Internet videos of kangaroos fighting.

(all cheering)

In your face! Yeah!

In your face, she says. Well, it looks like the Bennett‐Blatts

brought their A‐game today.

We've got an actual contest, here.

We'll be right back after these quick messages.

( Family Squabbles theme plays)

(audience cheering)

(all yelling)

(laughing) Get 'em!

We are coming up on the end of our show,

and DJ Dirty Dan's family has the lead by five points.

But the final question is worth ten points,

and this one is for the kids.

Dirty Dan Jr., and Dirty Danielle Jr.

What is your father's biggest fear?

♪ ♪

That something bad would happen to my mother, my brother, or me?

(buzzer buzzes)

Smiley: Ooh, I am so sorry.

But the actual answer is:

"That the English language doesn't have a word strong enough

to properly express to my family how much I love them."

That's okay, kids. The bank can't take love from us.

Okay, DJ Dirty Dan's family still has the lead.

But if the Bennett‐Blatts can get this answer correct,

they win the entire game.

Owen and Blair,

what is your father's biggest fear?

This is simple.

Submarines, because they could be anywhere.

Uh, yeah, I know, it's just that maybe they're‐‐

Oh, great. You're about to try to convince me

to do something selfless, aren't you?

With everything they've got going on,

I actually think this money would mean a lot more to them

than it would to us.

Stupid Owen, always making me do the stupid right thing.

(sighs)

Fine. I better get into heaven for this.

Smiley: Owen and Blair,

we need an answer. What is your father's biggest fear?

‐Responsibility. ‐Bees or something.

‐(buzzer buzzes) ‐No! Submarines!

They're like whales with missiles.

Ooh! That is incorrect.

And that means that DJ Dirty Dan's family

wins the $25,000!

‐(dinging) ‐(all cheering)

‐We had it! ‐(foghorn blares)

(audience cheering)

‐(bell dings three times) ‐Announcer: Okay, this is the last vote.

You get to choose which consolation prize the family receives.

Kaylin: What if you say rematch?

‐What if we do a rematch? ‐Suzi/Ramon: Oh!

But in a different way!

‐Game's not over. ‐Suzi: Yeah, game's not over.

We get to double or nothing.

Announcer: Votes are in. And let's go back to the scene.

Director: Action!

Even though the Bennett‐Blatts didn't win,

we are not gonna send them home empty‐handed.

Guys, step this way

to claim your consolation prize.

(audience cheering)

As a second‐place Family Squabbles winner,

you all get a year's supply of...

‐eggnog! ‐(Blair squeals)

(bell dings)

Oh!

(laughs) Gross!

That's eggnog, all right.

‐There's extra nog in there. ‐(laughing)

Oh, you're very lucky, because last week's surprise

was a year's supply of bricks.

‐Oh, wow. ‐Smiley: But you know what?

I never enjoy eggnog without just a light sprinkling of cinnamon.

Owen/Blair: What?

(Smiley laughing)

Enjoy your prize, kids.

(audience cheering)

Bennett‐Blatts, sorry you didn't win that $25,000!

We had it! How did this happen?

We were so close to spending two whole weeks snorkeling

with the Aquapellas!

Well, at least we did the right thing.

(cackling)

Real gullible kids you got there, Byron.

My kids were like, (sobbing): "My dad lost his job."

Ha! Yeah, right! Like that would ever happen.

Don't act all hurt‐y.

All: 'Cause you just got dirtied.

(both grunt)

Wait.

Kids, did you throw the game

because you felt bad for them?

Owen made me do the right thing.

You know I would never do the right thing on my own.

I'm sorry, I believed them.

His name is Dirty Dan.

It's right there.

Kids,

I'm proud of you.

I'm furious with you, but I'm also proud of you.

Gator: Hey, guys?

It's me. Gator.

Tough break out there.

Good news is, you came together as a family

and that's what's really important.

‐Both: Security! ‐It's him!

And that's our show!

You guys have been a great crowd!

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

(audience cheering)

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

(cheering continues)

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