Original subtitles

♪ ♪

(alarm blaring)

(alarm dying)

Morning, sunshine. Up and at 'em.

(groaning)

Your morning attitude? It's off-putting.

I'm gonna need you to watch your sister

for a couple hours today, okay?

(sighs) Babysitting.

If you've got a younger sibling,

you're gonna get roped into it sooner or later.

Thankfully, I pretty much rule at it.

Crazy idea.

What if we spent the day making a new...

chore wheel?

Liv, I love you, I do,

but someone needs to save you from yourself.

What if, instead, we spent this 20 bucks

Mom left us in case of emergencies?

But this isn't an emergency.

If we're talking chore wheels,

this is as dire as it gets.

Olivia: Um... you're sure we need Sugar-Frosted Blammo Bombs?

The fact that you even have to ask that tells that me we do.

Get climbin'.

Um... these shelves don't feel super-sturdy.

Are you watching me?

Of course I am.

(sighs) Well, there's no swelling, so that's good.

You sure you're okay?

I'm fine. Plus, how could I be mad?

You introduced me to these guys.

See? Babysitting's a piece of cake.

I'm Gabby Duran, and this is the story of how I became

the best babysitter in the galaxy.

♪ I do my thing Don't try to fit in ♪

♪ Mm-hmm, I do my thing ♪

♪ ♪

Aw, Katrina and Michelle!

I miss those girls. You should call them.

There's no reason you girls can't still be friends.

Mom, it's been three weeks, and we moved eight states away.

They moved on.

They have not moved on.

They've already replaced me.

You see this girl? I don't know this girl.

Say hello to Gabby 2.0. The new me.

Can we just move back to Miami?

Gabby, I know this has been hard for you,

but it is what's best for the family.

I mean, the school district here has a gifted program

that can challenge Olivia in ways that her other school just couldn't.

And Mom was offered an on-air position for Local 6.

I'm on mugs now!

Mugs, Gabby!

Wow, that does actually make me feel better.

- Really? - Nope.

Look, I'm glad that you two have a new job

and a new school, but what do I have here?

You will find something, Gabby. I know you.

Pretty soon, you're gonna get your picture on a mug.

You know, metaphorically speaking.

♪ ♪

Join the Mysteries of Havensburg Club.

Hey, do you have a second to...

You! You look like a person who might wanna...

Cool, we'll talk later!

Gabby!

Care to join the Mysteries of Havensburg Club?

We investigate weird and potentially paranormal occurrences around the town.

You know, ghosts, Big Feet,

Dobek the Janitor.

(eerie music playing)

I think he's been collecting student garbage.

I'm pretty sure the reason is paranormal-slash-supernatural in nature.

I'd bring my trash home with me if I were you.

So, you interested in signing up?

We could use a second member.

You know, it weirdly does sound kinda fun, but...

I don't think I'm gonna be in this town for much longer.

Man (over P.A.): Gabby Duran to the principal's office. Now.

I'm getting kicked out of school.

♪ ♪

Mmmm.

A curious thing happened

as I stepped out to my automobile today.

♪ ♪

It said "Gabby Duran did this" with your student I.D.

So tell me, Gabby, was the sprayed paint correct?

Did you indeed cover my automobile with duct tape?

Yup. You caught me. It was me.

Then, I suppose...

I need to thank you!

Clearly you were just trying to protect it

from falling bird excrement.

And I must say, I understand the impulse.

I, too, despise all these birds

and their free-wheeling, excrete-as-you-may lifestyle.

It's an affront to civilized people everywhere.

So thank you, Gabby, for helping your fellow man.

So, am I getting kicked out of school, or...?

I should think not.

Okay, then.

I want you to remember that you left me with no choice.

- (screaming) - (rock music playing)

What were you thinking?

He could have kicked you out of school!

But, Mom, I...

I know. I know. I went too far this time.

You duct-taped the man's car!

I just...

I wanna go back to my old life.

Gabby, this is your life now.

You have to try and make the best of it.

I mean, look at your sister: She was just named

Student of Month at her school.

Student of the Month? We've only been here three weeks!

What can I say? It's been a whirlwind.

Okay, well, we're gonna need to get in front of this.

You and I are going over to Principal Swift's house to apologize.

Going over to his house?

Look, Mom, I know I stepped over the line this time,

but how about I just do it at school tomorrow?

Because I don't know that you will

do it at school tomorrow, Gabby.

I mean, you're trashing principals' offices now?

Who knows what you're gonna do?

Fine. I'll go apologize.

But I'm gonna do it on my own, okay?

So I can prove to you I'm a responsible, trustworthy person.

Oh, Gabby, wait.

Bring him one of these.

What? People love mugs.

♪ ♪

Doesn't even trust me to apologize.

My own mother!

(door bell ringing)

Hello?

(door bell ringing rapidly)

Principal Swift?

Way to pick a super creepy house, guy.

- (suspenseful music playing) - (crows cawing)

Anybody?

(shouting): I'm 100% not coming back here again!

Well, I guess this was all just one big waste of...

- (screaming) - (roaring)

- (Gabby screaming) - (monster roaring)

- Get away from me, you... - Ow! Listen!

Whatever you are!

Ow! Time out! Time out! Time out!

What is going ahhhh...

(groaning)

♪ ♪

Orb: Consciousness detected. State your name.

State my name? State your name!

I have rights, you know! You can't just go and...

Orb: Subject hostile. Begin probing sequence.

(laser powering up)

Gabby: Hey! Don't you get any closer!

I, uh, took two years of karate!

Orb: Probability assessment: Subject is lying.

♪ ♪

(electricity crackles)

Gabby: Principal Swift?

What is going on?

Come, Gabby. There is much to discuss.

Okay, first item to discuss:

Where are we?!

(chuckles)

My basement.

♪ ♪

Oooh, yummy! (lip-smacking)

- So, you two are... - Aliens, yes.

Jeremy and I are Gor-Mons.

We are shapeshifters from the planet Gor-Mona.

Uh, shrimp cocktail?

I'm told it's a very popular human meal.

- I'm good, thanks. - Oh.

Also, I don't think you're supposed to eat the tails.

Oh! Mmmm. Ah. (clears throat)

Well, there. When in Rome. (chuckling)

Now, Jeremy is heir to the Gor-Monite throne.

But there are some on our planet who would be less than happy

to see Jeremy rise to the position of Supreme Leader.

You get in my mouth, shrimp!

Really? That kid?

- (scoffs) Can't imagine why. - Yes.

Now, as his uncle, it is my job to keep him hidden here

until he comes of age.

Keeping our alien identities a secret

is of the utmost importance.

However, Jeremy has certain behavioral challenges

that can complicate things.

Stupid thing's broken! I'm calling the police!

Oh, stop that!

Now, my job at the school

helps us to blend in seamlessly to Earth culture...

(gagging, choking)

(chuckling): Sorry. Shrimp tail.

But what it also means

is that I can't watch him all the time.

Now, as such, I require a good babysitter.

Now, that is where you come in.

Whoa, whoa, hold up. Babysitting?

- That's what this is about? - Mm-hmm.

Sorry to say but you got the wrong kid, Swifty.

Gabby, Gabby, Gabby, Gabby, Gabby, Gabby, Gabby, Gabby.

I have precisely the right kid.

Now, you may be the most fearless,

resourceful human I have ever met.

The way you handled yourself in the basement.

The way you attacked Jeremy when he revealed

his true, admittedly hideous self.

(chuckles) The way you nobly shielded my car

from the droppings of those foul, vile birds.

- Again, that's really not... - Gabbity Gab Gab...

There is something special about you.

Now, if anyone on Earth can babysit Jeremy...

you can.

Wait. You want her to babysit me?

Yes, Jeremy.

That is literally what we've been talking about this entire time.

No way! Humans are gross!

And that one smells like taquitos.

Hey! Taquitos are awesome! You're gross!

- You're gross! - Jeremy...

Jeremy, why don't you go and help yourself

to an ice cream sandwich from the freezer?

Free ice cream sandwich? Baller.

But this isn't over, human.

You and me are now serious frenemies.

So. What do you think?

Yeah. I'm in.

♪ ♪

Wesley!

Oh! Look who didn't get kicked out of school!

Yep. I guess I'm here to stay.

Speaking of which, does that club of yours

ever talk about, like... aliens?

Um, only all the time.

I've never actually been able to prove

the existence of aliens in Havensburg, though.

- Oh. - If they are here, they are super good at blending in.

- Yeah. - So, does this mean you wanna join the club?

- Sure. Why not? - Wait. Really?

Yeah. You seem cool.

And I'm starting to think this club is something I should really be a part of.

Yes! You are not gonna regret this!

♪ ♪

"Mr. Principal Swift."

So, your first name is "Principal"?

Yes.

Your name is just "Principal Swift"?

Yes, Gabby. Of course!

How else would people know that I'm a principal?

Wait. So you go to the dentist...

Gabby, please!

Please, we need to finish going through the rules.

Now, "Rules 74:

Absolutely no soda pop of any sort."

No soda? Why not?

Well, that was covered extensively

in the orientation materials I gave you.

Now, you did read the orientation materials I gave you?

(blows raspberry)

Of course! I mean, who doesn't love

long, boring binders of instruction?

Exactly!

Now, I'm holding a mandatory safety seminar for the teachers,

and I should be back in a few hours.

Oh, and you will need this.

Cool. One super old phone.

No. One incredibly powerful piece of alien technology

to aid you in your babysitting duties.

Now, as you can see, I have disguised it

to seamlessly blend into Earth culture.

I won't waste time explaining how to use it,

as that was also covered extensively

in the orientation materials I gave you.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

- (buttons beeping) - (laser blasting)

Gabby, you are now responsible

for the future leader of an entire planet.

I'm placing a lot of trust in you.

Swifty, come on!

I got this! Everything is gonna be fine!

♪ ♪

(belches)

You were right. Taquitos rule.

Told ya, kid. I got mad wisdom.

(phone beeping)

Whoa.

So, what's up with your shapeshifting, huh?

Can you just, like, change into whatever you want, or...?

I wish!

Gor-Mons are digestive shapeshifters,

which means I can only change into things I eat.

So you, like... ate a kid?

The hair of one.

Cool, cool.

(phone beeps off)

I can't believe Principal let you use that.

He never lets me do anything because he thinks I'll mess up

and let everyone know we're aliens.

You know, I've never even gone bowling.

Or to the movies. Or a drive-thru.

Seriously? You've never been to a drive-thru?

That's messed up, man. Drive-thrus rule.

(gritting teeth): I bet they do!

Sometimes I just wish he trusted me more, you know?

Yeah, I know how that goes.

My mom doesn't really trust me, either.

Even though I'm pretty much like the most responsible person I know.

(gurgling)

Ummm...

What's happening to me?

Uh... probably nothing.

But still...

- Principal: Yes, Gabby? -Hey Swifty, quick question:

Hypothetically, if Jeremy's stomach was, like, uh...

(groaning)

bubbling a little, what would that be all about?

Well, Jeremy assimilates the molecular structure

of anything he ingests.

So, if you gave him soda pop, for example,

it would mean that his body has absorbed

the volatile, carbonated qualities of the drink,

effectively turning him into a time bomb

that would explode in approximately one hour,

destroying him and anything else in a hundred-foot radius.

But you definitely did not give him soda pop, correct?

♪ ♪

You really think I'd do something that irresponsible?

Honestly, it's like you don't even know me at all.

Very well, then. I have to go. Bye-bye!

So, don't make a whole big thing of this, but...

it looks like you're gonna blow up.

♪ ♪

Okay, no need to panic. We've got like...

Like 47 minutes to figure this out.

I'm gonna be okay, though, right, Gabby?

I mean, after I blow up?

Um... yeah, sure. Why not?

Bingo! Orientation materials!

Okay, here we go.

"To prevent explosion, feed your child sodium silicate,

"a mineral found in the soil of Zzzanzar VII,

"some poly-dimensional light beings,

and Gor-Monite breath mints."

Mmmm.

That's it! Swift's always popping those weird mints!

Baller! I'll just call him and...

No way, you doof! He cannot find out about this.

Wait. I thought we didn't want me to blow up.

Jeremy, do you see that mantle over there?

My whole life, my mom and sister have been

doing these great things and getting all these awards.

But me? I've always just been the family screw-up.

But this babysitting job is my chance to do something great, too.

Principal Principal Swift is trusting me

with one of the most important jobs in the galaxy,

and I am not about to make him think I can't do it.

Now, let's do the responsible thing

and go steal some breath mints.

Abdominal thrust! Abdominal thrust!

Now, it's very important to always wear a hat.

You sure about this?

No, you're right. Let's just go home and let you explode!

C'mon, trust me! I'm a wizard!

Wesley: Gabby?

Oh! Hi, Wesley!

What, uh... what are you doing here after school?

Well, I left some trash in my locker

and I gotta get to it before Dobek does,

'cause my DNA's all over that stuff.

Mm-hmm.

- What are you doing here? - Me? I... I'm...

We're here to steal my uncle's breath mints, so I don't explode.

I'm Jeremy, by the way.

- I'm an ali... en. - (Wesley grunts)

Sorry, bud. Couldn't let you hear that last part.

Okay, now we just need a distraction

so we can get those min...

(condor screeches)

How would you feel about eating some dead bird?

And one more abdominal thrust!

Now, that brings us to our next issue:

My automobile is currently covered in duct tape.

Can anyone give me a ride home?

♪ ♪

(screeching)

- (teachers screaming) - Ah! I knew this day would come!

- (condor screeching) - Principal: You couldn't defile my vehicle,

so you come for me instead, eh, bird?

Well, come at me!

Now, no one panic! I will establish dominance!

Ka-kaw! Ka-kaw! I'm the boss!

I'm the boss here! Ka-kaw!

Ka-kaw! Ka-kaw!

Ka-kaw! I'm the boss! I'm the boss here! Ka-kaw!

- Ahhhh! - (condor screeches)

(sighs)

- It's about time! - Sorry.

That guy really hates birds!

- Did you get the mints? - Right here.

- Gabby: Empty? - Jeremy: No mints.

(stomach gurgling)

(sighing): I'm gonna blow up.

You know, I'm starting to think

you might not be a very good babysitter.

No. I'm a great babysitter!

We've still got one more shot.

- Hey, Swifty! - Gabby, what are you...

(coughs)

(heroic music playing)

(squeals)

- I did it! I caught food in my mouth! - Yeah!

Also, you're not gonna die!

That, too!

(both laughing)

Principal: Ahem!

What you two did today was completely reckless

and could have easily resulted in Jeremy's explosion.

However, it did not.

And you did display remarkable poise and ingenuity

in an emergency situation,

which should probably count for something.

So... am I fired?

Well, given the circumstances,

I think it's fair to let you off with a stern warning,

provided nothing like this ever...

ever happens again.

And you, Jeremy. That aerial attack was...

very convincing.

If you could convince me you were one of those winged abominations,

perhaps I've underestimated you.

And maybe to make up for that,

you two could pick up some drive-thru on the way home?

(groaning) Well, I suppose so.

- Baller. - Also, can I borrow some of your trash?

I sort of did something to a friend of mine

and need to make it up to him.

(Wesley groaning)

What happened?

"Stop asking questions."

Trash.

Dobek.

I was right!

So. What do you think?

I figure we can put it on the mantle downstairs.

"Daughter of the Month"? Mom, this is incredibly lame.

(sighs) I know.

It's just that Principal Swift told me

what a great job you did babysitting for him.

And I'm sorry I've been so hard on you lately.

I know this whole moving thing hasn't been easy.

Yeah, well, I suppose I probably

could have handled things a bit better.

It's true. But that's how we learn.

I'm proud of your growth, sis.

Thanks, Liv.

Oh! I also... got you this.

What? People love mugs!

♪ ♪

Principal: Thank you for coming on such short notice.

Ah, that's what babysitting geniuses are for.

So, what's up?

♪ ♪

What the...?

Principal: Jeremy and I aren't the only aliens

who need babysitting help.

Hi!

Hello.

(water bubbling)

♪ ♪

Wow!

One of you smells real bad.

Next time on Gabby Duran and the Unsittables...

I'm Gabby, your new babysitter?

I wanna go out in the world!

(screaming)

Wesley is a good person.

But he must never discover the existence of aliens.

(both screaming)