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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:32,039 Get out of the way! 2 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:41,710 Get out of the way! 3 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,230 Hey! Get out of the way! 4 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:49,032 Damn road hog! Get out! 5 00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:03,831 Get out of the way! 6 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:05,876 Get out! 7 00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:22,395 I'll report you to the... Ow! 8 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:32,279 I'll report... Stop it! I'll report you to the police! 9 00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:44,557 Morning, Lancelot. Good holiday? 10 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:46,596 - No. - Catch anything? 11 00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:50,514 The only fish that came my way was an old trout in the bar and she was the wrong side of 50. 12 00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:52,397 Can't have been using the right fly. 13 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:55,040 - Anyway it's nice to see you back again. - Liar. 14 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:58,277 Don't forget the ceremony. Ten o'clock. 15 00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:00,112 What's that? 16 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:08,428 Get... Get out of the way! 17 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:11,474 Damn and blast! 18 00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:30,155 Morning. 19 00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:07,000 Shift that dog's-meat wagon of yours. I want to get out. 20 00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:10,231 You'll have to wait for us now. We've got a casualty here. 21 00:03:16,640 --> 00:03:18,517 Hello. - Are you all right? 22 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:19,794 Yes, thank you. 23 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:22,519 I'm terribly sorry to cause all this trouble. 24 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:24,272 Don't worry. We'll look after you. 25 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:26,032 Are you all doctors? 26 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:27,394 Oh, yes, yes. 27 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:30,472 Come on. All right, come on. Steady with her. 28 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:32,198 Don't worry. We'll look after you. 29 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:48,478 D Avey please D Avey. 30 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:52,356 Morning, Matron. 31 00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:56,119 Lady Willoughby won't like it. She won't like it at all. 32 00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:58,430 After all, the old boy did raise most of the money. 33 00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:05,595 Morning, Matron. 34 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:07,750 Sir Lancelot. I hope you enjoyed your holiday. 35 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:09,910 Not in the least. Don't ask if I caught any fish. 36 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,514 - Sorry I'm late. Good holiday? Caught any fish? - No! 37 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:16,598 But you have caught your trousers. I'll get a stitch put in. 38 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:20,514 You'll do no such thing. The only person who does decent stitching here is myself. 39 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:23,751 - It's ten o'clock. - I'm aware of that. What's new in the wards? 40 00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:27,355 - But you can't do your round now, Sir Lancelot. - And why not? 41 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:30,034 The ceremony, sir. I've got some notes on the procedure. 42 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:32,429 Good grief, boy, I don't need any notes. 43 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:35,159 This is a foundation stone, not a gallstone. 44 00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:00,596 That's good. That's very good. 45 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:02,829 It's wonderful. 46 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,957 - Do those belong to that casualty in there? - Yes, sir. 47 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:09,317 I'll take them in. 48 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:20,676 - Good morning. - Good morning. 49 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:22,716 I'm Dr. Sparrow. 50 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:25,394 I must have done something dreadful. You're the fifth. 51 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:28,199 No, I'm the first. These aren't really doctors at all. 52 00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:31,590 Oh, aren't they? What a shame. 53 00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:33,830 Lots of learning to do, eh, Gillibrand? 54 00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:35,148 Yes, sir. 55 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:38,196 Excuse me. 56 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:46,871 But it's my ankle that hurts, Doctor. 57 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:50,795 I can't hear a thing with these on. What did you say? 58 00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:52,871 It's only my ankle. 59 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:54,951 Erm... Why are you doing this? 60 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:57,998 Er... 61 00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:00,071 Why am I doing this, Gillibrand? 62 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:04,118 - Practice, sir? - Thoroughness, Gillibrand! Thoroughness! 63 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:07,237 One obvious injury doesn't mean to say there isn't another. 64 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:10,471 You have to test for everything: Lungs, heart, spine... 65 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:12,391 and all the other organs. 66 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:15,278 But apart from my ankle, I feel perfect. 67 00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:17,715 Oh, but you are. Quite perfect. 68 00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:23,913 Now, you all go and have a look at the X-ray screen and see what you can find. 69 00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:36,911 Is there something broken? 70 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:40,117 No, no. A minor sprain. No harm done. 71 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,668 There was to the car. I think it's a write-off. 72 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:44,716 Where were you going? London? 73 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:46,756 Yes. 74 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:50,515 It isn't going to show, is it? I have to be so careful about legs in my job. 75 00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:56,116 W- W-What do you do? 76 00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:57,679 A dancer? 77 00:06:57,760 --> 00:07:00,228 - Model. - Oh. 78 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,390 What treatment are you going to give me? 79 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:05,438 Bandage it and elevate the leg for a few hours. 80 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:07,875 By this evening, you should be fit for anything. 81 00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:10,554 Er... W-Would you like me to drive you up to London? 82 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:12,995 - Would you really? - It's my night off. 83 00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:15,514 Oh, that's marvelous! What a fabulous coincidence! 84 00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:24,758 Well, now, what's the matter with you? 85 00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:26,398 They say I've slipped a disc. 86 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:29,552 They'd have said you had sciatica when I was a boy. How did you do it? 87 00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:30,789 - Jumping. - Over a gate? 88 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:32,598 Out of a window. 89 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:35,956 Oh. I suppose the husband came in through the front door. 90 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,031 Certainly not! There was a fire! 91 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:41,475 Aha. Well gentlemen. 92 00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:44,199 The patient complains of a slipped disc. 93 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:46,589 What treatment would you prescribe? You. 94 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:50,913 Bed rest... followed by traction... 95 00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:55,191 ...followed by a spinal support... followed by physiotherapy. 96 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:57,669 Followed by no improvement at all. 97 00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:01,435 Physiotherapy! Palliative poppycock! When do you take your finals, boy? 98 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:03,033 h six week s, sir. 99 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:05,156 You'll be taking them again in six months 100 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:07,834 - if you talk drivel like that. - But in a mild case... 101 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:09,672 Rubbish! 102 00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:11,955 There's only one thing for him. The knife! 103 00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:16,877 Oh, don't worry. I'll fit you in somewhere. Good morning to you. 104 00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:21,633 Now, what have we here? 105 00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:23,995 Colectomy you performed before you went away. 106 00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:28,358 Ah, let's have a look. Take your paws away! We aren't playing animal grab! 107 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:32,995 Beautiful. Had to change knives midstream with you, you know. 108 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,832 Look at this, gentlemen. 109 00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:37,478 A perfect cut. 110 00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:39,073 How are you feeling? 111 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:40,639 Ever so tired. 112 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:43,757 So was I after I'd stuffed all that lot back inside you. 113 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:47,674 It was like trying to coil a fire hose into an overnight bag. Good morning. 114 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:50,796 I remember when I was in the Navy. 115 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:54,077 For intestinal obstruction, we didn't pray for dry weather. 116 00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:56,549 We didn't pray for wet, we just prayed for wind. 117 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,837 - What are you doing here, Simon? - Reminding you of a ceremony, sir. 118 00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:01,876 And of a very old, old joke. 119 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:03,916 All right, I'm coming. 120 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:07,629 Stuart... Don't let him worry you too much. 121 00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:10,511 He once threw the whole book at me. 122 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:12,556 I survived. 123 00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:20,278 Ah, Simon. I wish you'd be so kind as to park your perambulating sardine can 124 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:23,397 - in the proper space reserved for it. - I couldn't get out of my car. 125 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:26,233 Sorry, I was a bit pushed this morning. Good morning, Nurse. 126 00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:27,799 Good morning, Dr. Sparrow. 127 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:30,075 - Rather nice-looking. - Why do your activities 128 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:31,513 centre around the female sex? 129 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:33,830 - Because I find them attractive. - Attractive? 130 00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:35,638 - Good morning, sir. - Good morning. 131 00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:39,759 Doctors have got no right to be attracted. It clouds the brain and unsteadies the hand. 132 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:41,592 Well, it's never happened to me. 133 00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:44,433 And I take my job as seriously as the next man, let me tell you. 134 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:46,875 - Thank you, Dr. Sparrow. - You're welcome. 135 00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:49,879 Revolting. 136 00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:51,916 You might find it rejuvenating. 137 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,799 - Morning, Clive. Morning, Johnny. - Morning. 138 00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:58,359 Morning, Lady Willoughby. 139 00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:02,149 Before you proceed, Sir Lancelot, I wish to register a formal complaint. 140 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:05,789 What's the matter? That colporrhaphy I did for you not keeping out the rain? 141 00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:07,711 - Really! - Delighted to hear it. 142 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,756 Can't afford a leak at your age. 143 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:15,839 Ladies and gentlemen, I now declare this stone well and truly... 144 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:20,236 - Who perpetrated this monstrosity? Is something wrong sir? 145 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,276 My name is Spratt, with an S! 146 00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:24,316 S for spleen! 147 00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,356 P for prostate! R for rump! 148 00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:28,749 A for a... poplexy! 149 00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:30,796 And two Ts for two... 150 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,155 Who contrived this disgusting insult? 151 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:36,869 Sir Lancelot, we'll speak to the master mason and he'll alter it, I promise you. 152 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:39,428 If he doesn't, I'll alter him, I promise you 153 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:41,078 Ladies and gentlemen... 154 00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:45,631 with the minimum of confidence, I declare this stone well and truly laid. 155 00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:50,391 Speech. 156 00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:55,679 Ladies and gentlemen. Although work on our new wing has already begun, 157 00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:59,036 a substantial amount of money is still needed. 158 00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:01,076 It is up to you to find it. 159 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:04,277 Doubtless if I apply pressure in the right quarter... 160 00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:06,513 - Watch it! - Aaah! 161 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,350 All right, Nobby! Get the crane over! 162 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:21,677 I'm going to sue those ruddy contractors until they haven't got a fly button to call their own. 163 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:23,671 Go easy, you dopes! I'm in mortal agony! 164 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:26,752 - Shall I send for morphia, Doctor? - Send for a bottle of brandy. 165 00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:28,910 You'll have hot, sweet tea and like it. 166 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,673 But, Simon, I'm feeling faint. I can hardly speak. 167 00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:34,593 Watch it, you clots! I'm not a corpse yet! 168 00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:43,511 I've never had a slipped disc in my life. 169 00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:47,597 - News for you, you've got one. - What are you going to do about it? 170 00:11:47,680 --> 00:11:50,592 I seem to remember in cases like this you'd recommend the knife. 171 00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:53,069 Nonsense! Nobody's sticking a knife in my back! 172 00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:56,072 Though most of my colleagues have being trying to for years. 173 00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:59,869 - You're going to be stuck here for a while. - What? h this tumbledown lazar house? 174 00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:02,872 - Stop this contraption! - Sir Lancelot, what are you doing? 175 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:06,032 I'm trying to get out while I've still got the strength. 176 00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:11,389 Thank you. 177 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,118 Oh, it's sweet of you to drive me up. 178 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,998 Is this service always included in your treatment, Doctor? 179 00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:18,753 This is not treatment. And I am not your doctor. 180 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:23,351 - You belong to the hospital. Doesn't she? - Oh, yes, yes. 181 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,559 Shirts, skirts, bras, pants. 182 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:43,596 Advertising's such a bore, really. 183 00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,796 I want to give it all up and get into movies. 184 00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:48,478 - What, you mean be a film star? - Mm. 185 00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:50,994 - Eugh! - Well, not immediately, of course. 186 00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:53,355 I might be able to help you there, you know. 187 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,556 Because I know quite a lot of film people. 188 00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:57,756 - Professionally, I mean. - Do you? 189 00:12:57,840 --> 00:12:59,671 Mm. 190 00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:04,515 You know, Simon, I'm beginning to think you could be rather a fabulous sort of person. 191 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:16,914 - Thank you again for bringing me down. - Oh, not at all. I'll see you up. 192 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,399 Oh, no, I can manage. 193 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:21,552 Oh, I think that ankle needs a little support. 194 00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:23,596 Doctor? 195 00:13:23,680 --> 00:13:25,432 No, friend. 196 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:28,432 All right. Oh, can you get my bag? It's in the back somewhere. 197 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:30,351 Bag, bag... Oh, yes... 198 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,036 Oh, Lord! 199 00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:37,633 What's the matter? 200 00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:39,199 That's a police car. 201 00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:42,670 So? They can't arrest us. We're not burglars. We're just sitting. 202 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:46,196 You don't have to be burglars these days. You just have to sit. 203 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:50,268 Good evening, Officer. I was, er... 204 00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:52,590 Just finding this young lady's handbag. 205 00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:54,636 Uh-huh. Are you a doctor, sir? 206 00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:56,676 Yes, I am. 207 00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:58,716 But even... er, doctors are human. 208 00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:01,553 Mm-hm. I wonder if you'd care to come with me, sir. 209 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:06,388 - Er, yes, I would, but I-I have explained to you... - There's an old lady passed out 210 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:08,516 on the pavement just down the street, sir. 211 00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:10,636 We spotted the label on your windscreen. 212 00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:17,553 Er, we have got the right bag, have we, sir? 213 00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:21,876 No, we haven't. 214 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:26,756 When am I going to see you again? 215 00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:31,996 23B. 216 00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:02,673 Good morning. 217 00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:04,591 Who are you? 218 00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:06,636 I'm the physiotherapist. 219 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:08,676 I did not order one. 220 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:10,751 Yes, but the doctor did. 221 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:13,912 I do not require physiotherapy. 222 00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:20,673 I said I do not require physiotherapy! 223 00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:24,799 Yes, Sir Lancelot, I heard you. And so, I imagine, did the rest of the block. 224 00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:26,836 Now, tell me. Are you in pain? 225 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:29,150 Of course I'm in pain! I've got a slipped disc! 226 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:32,596 I saw the X-rays but it's nothing much. We'll soon get you better. 227 00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:35,433 - Don't do that! - What have you got there? 228 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:37,238 Madam? 229 00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:42,239 I can scarcely give you treatment through two layers of blanket, can I? 230 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:46,472 You're not going to give me any treatment - and don't shake my bottle of wine. 231 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:49,834 Where are you going? 232 00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:53,390 Well, there are other patients who need me, you know, Sir Lancelot. 233 00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:56,756 Come here. I wish to discuss my case with you. 234 00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:01,797 There's a slight narrowing of your L5-S1 disc space. 235 00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:04,155 You've made progress with traction and bed rest. 236 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:06,117 Now you need massage and physiotherapy. 237 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:08,839 - Right? - I was going to do the talking, madam. 238 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:11,514 And so you shall, Sir Lancelot. Now, turn over, will you? 239 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:13,113 I refuse. 240 00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:17,159 - Ow! - It's three and a half guineas for half an hour. 241 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:18,593 You're private. 242 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:20,477 I don't appear to be. 243 00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:23,074 Now, roll over, hm? 244 00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:24,991 Oh, very well. Oh... 245 00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:28,270 There we are. 246 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:32,353 That's it. Now put your arms by your side. 247 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:36,838 - What are you doing? - I'm pulling down your pajamas. 248 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:38,876 Don't worry, I've lived. 249 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:41,439 - Oh! - That it? 250 00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:43,476 - Yes. - Right. 251 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:45,516 Oh... 252 00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:49,076 Oh... 253 00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:52,756 Oh... 254 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:56,037 Don't let me interrupt the flow, Sir Lancelot. 255 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:00,474 Mmm... 256 00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:02,913 What's your name? 257 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:06,153 Iris Marchant. 258 00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:08,196 Mmm... 259 00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:14,996 - Stuart? - Yes, sir? 260 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:20,310 There's a patient in for investigation. I'd like you to have a look at her. 261 00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:22,072 Me? Why me? 262 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:25,596 - Because I'd like your opinion, that's why. - Thank you, sir. 263 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:28,638 Here's the letter from her doctor. It's not very cheerful. 264 00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:32,269 Give her all the attention you can and be gentle. She's very frightened. 265 00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:36,558 Her husband's apparently more worried about his pigeon loft than her. You know the type. 266 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:39,108 So you haven't really felt any pain at all, Mrs. Parry. 267 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:41,191 No, that's right. I can't say that I have. 268 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:45,437 Wait a minute, though. Yes, I did feel a pain once. 269 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:46,555 When? 270 00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:48,596 On a Sunday, it was. After chapel. 271 00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:50,398 Where? 272 00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:52,516 I remember now. It was in the kitchen. 273 00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:55,831 No, I mean what part of you? Your chest, your stomach, your head? 274 00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:58,836 Oh, it... 275 00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:00,956 Come here. 276 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:05,715 Course my husband didn't really mean to. 277 00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:07,950 He was only being playful, you understand. 278 00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:10,235 L- I don't think we're getting very far, are we? 279 00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:13,392 Aren't we? I thought we were getting on swimming, like. 280 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:15,835 You're a lovely little doctor, aren't you? 281 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:18,195 Here, go on. You finish these. 282 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:20,236 I only like the red ones. 283 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:28,156 There you are, my dear. 284 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:30,435 Got your tea? Made you comfortable? 285 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:32,636 - Yes, thank you, Doctor. - Good. 286 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:35,473 Mrs. Whittaker, this is Mr. Stuart. 287 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:37,915 - He's a colleague of mine. - How do you do? 288 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:40,878 He'll help me find out what the trouble is and keep an eye on you. 289 00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:42,871 - All right? - Thank you. 290 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:45,633 Good. Well, I'll leave you two to get to know each other. 291 00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,915 - Erm, I'll speak to you later. - Yes. 292 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:49,831 - Goodbye. - Goodbye. 293 00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:07,199 - Good afternoon, gentlemen. Good afternoon, sir. 294 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:10,590 You'll be glad to hear Sir Lancelot is making excellent progress. 295 00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:14,989 However... 296 00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:19,517 It'll be some time before he's fully recovered so... until then, you'll have to put up with me. 297 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:24,439 And I want no questions about the bleeding time from you. 298 00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:27,671 Where's this case we thought might exercise these intellects? 299 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:30,228 - Over here, Doctor. - Who's the dresser on the case? 300 00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:33,357 - I am, sir. - Oh. Everything teed up, Gillibrand? 301 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,670 Now, a nice, clear, concise history. 302 00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:38,832 Symptoms, signs, diagnosis, prognosis and treatment. 303 00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:41,957 Er, this is Mrs. Parry, sir. 304 00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:45,635 She's a housewife. Er... 42... and she's had ten children. 305 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:47,039 Nine. 306 00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:48,838 - You said ten. - Did I? 307 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:52,595 Perhaps it is ten, then. Let's see. There's Blodwen and Owen... 308 00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:57,071 Never mind, Mrs. Parry. You work it out for yourself and we'll continue. Carry on. 309 00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:59,515 Well, there's no history of previous illness, sir. 310 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:01,272 - Any operations? - Er none. 311 00:20:01,360 --> 00:20:02,588 I've had ten. 312 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:05,035 - You said none. - No ten. 313 00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:08,078 I was forgetting little Caradog. I had him two years ago. 314 00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:10,720 That reminds me, I haven't seen him about lately. 315 00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:13,555 Carry on. 316 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:15,198 Er... 317 00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:19,637 Well, the patient complains of periodic swelling of the abdomen, sir. 318 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:21,551 Apart from her pregnancy? 319 00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:23,517 Well... Yes, sir. 320 00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:24,953 Any other symptoms? 321 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:26,268 Er, only swelling. 322 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:29,636 And wind, sir. 323 00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:30,835 Now even with these 324 00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:34,196 meager details which Mr. Gillibrand has managed to elicit, 325 00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:37,272 we should be able to manage one first tentative diagnosis. 326 00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:38,509 Anyone? 327 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:40,431 Chronic cholecystitis. 328 00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:41,839 Why? 329 00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:45,117 Er... w-w-well, the patient, sir. 330 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,919 She satisfies the six Fs of gall bladder disease. 331 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,956 Yeah, you're right. 332 00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:52,713 Now, each of you give me F. One F each. 333 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:54,313 - Fair. - Fat. 334 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:55,913 - Fertile. - Female. 335 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,513 Forty. 336 00:20:57,600 --> 00:20:59,079 Come on, Gillibrand! 337 00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:01,515 I think they've given it to you! 338 00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:05,115 Fair, fat, female, fertile, forty... F. 339 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,077 Fff... 340 00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:08,832 Flat? 341 00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:10,876 Me? Flat? 342 00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:12,359 Flatulence, you cretin! 343 00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:13,634 Yes, sir. 344 00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:15,597 Now for the examination. 345 00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:17,868 What are we looking for? 346 00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:20,428 - Fluid in the peritoneum? - How do we test for it? 347 00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:24,513 Put one hand on one side, flick the other and see if you can feel the vibration. 348 00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:26,750 And if we feel it, what do we call it? 349 00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:28,637 Er, a fluid thrill. 350 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:30,472 Right. Now, Miss er... 351 00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:32,152 Wick. 352 00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:35,312 Would you like to try for a fluid thrill, Miss Wick? 353 00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:38,676 Ooh! Cold! 354 00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:47,553 Er, did you feel a thrill? 355 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:48,959 No. 356 00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:50,996 No, I didn't think you would, somehow. 357 00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:54,429 Now we should listen for borborygmy, which is? 358 00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:58,832 It's the sounds made by gas in the intestine when there is hypermotility, sir. 359 00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:00,399 Great. 360 00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:02,395 Can you hear any? 361 00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:06,910 Ooh, there's a red one! Fancy that! 362 00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:08,831 I thought I'd had the last of those. 363 00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,753 Right, gentlemen, you come round here, you three. 364 00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:18,157 Mrs. Parry... 365 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:21,156 Do you keep your bowels open regularly? 366 00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:23,196 Regular as clockwork. 367 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:24,633 Every fortnight. 368 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:28,793 What do you take for constipation? Castor oil or cascara? 369 00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:31,314 Oh, nothing like that. 370 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:33,356 I just take my knitting. 371 00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:39,356 - Simon. - Mm? 372 00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:41,476 I think you are absolutely fabulous. 373 00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:43,994 Good. Why? 374 00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:46,719 Because if you hadn't known someone... 375 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:49,997 ...who knew someone... ... who told someone about me, 376 00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:52,469 we wouldn't be on our way to meet Mr. Luther Heilbronn. 377 00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:54,516 Don't be depressed. We've got a date later. 378 00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:57,797 - I wonder what he's like. - Successful, unscrupulous, predatory... 379 00:22:57,880 --> 00:22:59,871 - Dreamy. ... middle-aged, overweight, 380 00:22:59,960 --> 00:23:02,554 - bald-headed and potbellied. - You haven't met him! 381 00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:06,428 I've no intention of meeting anyone who makes a film called The Sorrows Of Salome. 382 00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:10,399 It's going to be a fabulous film. Enormous great big epic, all in Rome. 383 00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:13,233 Salome never got within a thousand miles of Rome. 384 00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:16,995 Well, she does in the film. So shall I, if I'm one of her handmaidens. 385 00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:19,116 What precisely does a handmaiden do? 386 00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:21,639 Hand things, I suppose. 387 00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:23,312 Yes, I suppose. 388 00:23:24,360 --> 00:23:26,828 - Who is playing Salome? - Genevieve Milton. 389 00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:29,957 She was unknown a few years ago, just like me. Now she's very big. 390 00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:32,998 - That's apparent. - Mr. Heilbronn discovered her in a coffee bar. 391 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:34,433 I'd have thought it was a dairy. 392 00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:37,478 But Mr. Heilbronn is getting worse every minute. 393 00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:39,516 Yeah. 394 00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:41,556 He's practically speechless. 395 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:43,471 Well, where's the hotel doctor? 396 00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:45,357 Tell them to send out for one. 397 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:47,715 - Send out for one. - Tell 'em... 398 00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:50,638 Who? Harry... 399 00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:54,269 There's some dame down at the desk said you asked her to come up and see you. 400 00:23:54,360 --> 00:23:55,952 Tell her I'll call her tomorrow. 401 00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:02,471 Or next week. OK, sometime never, what the hell? Tell her... 402 00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:04,232 Tell her "what the hell". 403 00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:06,959 I'm afraid Mr. Heilbronn can't see you after all. 404 00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:08,598 - What? - Come along, Delia. 405 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:11,035 These theatricals are very unreliable. Come on. 406 00:24:11,120 --> 00:24:13,793 No, no, no! That's absolutely impossible! 407 00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:17,156 - Mr. Heilbronn said... - He can't say anything. He's lost his voice. 408 00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:19,196 And I've lost the hotel doctor. 409 00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:22,033 - You want a doctor for Mr. Heilbronn? - Yes, madam. 410 00:24:22,120 --> 00:24:24,076 I've got one. 411 00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:27,877 You can't strip off here! 412 00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:29,916 - What are you up to? - I've got you a job! 413 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:33,833 Why don't you let me do the talking tonight, Harry? 414 00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:38,111 Because the TV millions don't want to hear you talk, baby. 415 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:40,270 - It's an interview, isn't it? - Yeah. 416 00:24:40,360 --> 00:24:42,874 Why shouldn't I talk? I can 417 00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:44,916 You're strictly for the eye, honey. 418 00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:46,956 It's the doctor. 419 00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:55,629 - Dr. Robin? - Sparrow. 420 00:24:57,040 --> 00:25:00,077 - Thank you. - Now, Doctor, I've got this condition... 421 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:02,037 - Yes... - Good evening, Mr. Heilbronn. 422 00:25:02,120 --> 00:25:04,395 Oh, this is Miss... Er, my nurse. 423 00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:07,119 - Come in. Sit down, Nurse. - Mr. Heilbronn, I've been... 424 00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:08,758 Sit down, Nurse. 425 00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:12,310 Now, Mr. Heilbronn, I understand we're having trouble with our voice. 426 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:14,675 I don't know about you, but mine you've gotta fix. 427 00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:18,992 - There's lots of dollars hanging on my interview. - We'll see they drop in the right place. 428 00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:21,640 Would you mind opening your mouth for me? Wide. 429 00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:23,312 Wider. That's it. 430 00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:26,676 I owe everything I am to Mr. Heilbronn. 431 00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:28,159 He found me... 432 00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:31,555 ...he molded me, he made me... 433 00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:35,558 ...into a kind of symbol. 434 00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:38,279 I hope your television viewers won't be disappointed 435 00:25:38,360 --> 00:25:40,396 when you see it exposed in my new film. 436 00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:44,353 Exposed? 437 00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:48,592 Well, Mr. Heilbronn, your larynx, your throat and your vocal cords are as sound as a bell. 438 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:50,636 Then why the hell don't it ring? 439 00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:55,316 Have you had a recent... emotional upset? A sudden shock? 440 00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:57,356 I don't have shock s - I give 'em. 441 00:25:57,440 --> 00:25:59,396 Imagine that. 442 00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:01,914 - Can I use your telephone? - Help yourself. 443 00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:09,912 Mr. Heilbronn, I hear you've been casting a new film. The Sorrows Of Salome? 444 00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:11,911 Welbeck 2434. 445 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,275 I wondered if you decided who'll play Salome. 446 00:26:14,360 --> 00:26:15,918 Salome I've got. 447 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:18,230 I'm still looking for a John The Baptist. 448 00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:21,073 Forty actors I've seen - not a Baptist among them. 449 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:25,988 - Do you know of a John the Baptist, Nurse? - Well, no, but... 450 00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:28,514 But I've got a marvelous suggestion for... 451 00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:30,989 Medical counter, please. 452 00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:33,036 - Mr. Heilbonn. - Shh! 453 00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:36,315 It's him. 454 00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:38,436 It's him. 455 00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:43,475 Spirituality in the eyes. Serenity... 456 00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:45,516 I said medical counter! 457 00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:48,592 Honey! Come in here! We got him! We got him! 458 00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:50,398 What have we got, honey? 459 00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:52,198 Oh he's cute! 460 00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:55,431 - Who is he? - Who is he? He's John the Baptist, 461 00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:57,112 that's who he is. 462 00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:00,355 You've found your voice again, Mr. Heilbronn. 463 00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:02,874 I've not only found my voice, I've found you. 464 00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:05,428 I'm going to take you... I'm going to mould you... 465 00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:12,075 - I told you they were unreliable. - I'll make you the biggest, the greatest, 466 00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:14,116 the superb-est symbol! 467 00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:17,556 - Delia, out. - John... Where are you going? 468 00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:20,916 - Simon, there's no hurry. - Are you kidding? 469 00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:24,072 Mr. Heilbronn, you keep your voice and I'll keep my head. 470 00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:30,036 But, John! 471 00:27:30,120 --> 00:27:31,917 John! 472 00:27:40,120 --> 00:27:43,237 A beautiful ward, Sister. My congratulations. 473 00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:45,276 Thank you, Sir Lancelot. 474 00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:48,436 Oh, er... Matron. 475 00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:50,556 You're looking a little tired, my dear. 476 00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:52,631 - Am I? - Mustn't overdo things, you know. 477 00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:55,875 - Good morning, Sir Lancelot. - Good morning. 478 00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:57,791 It's nice to see you in harness again. 479 00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:00,348 Thank you. Although, of course, my thanks should go 480 00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:02,829 - to Miss Marchant. - How is your back? 481 00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:05,070 Not a twinge. And yourself? 482 00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:06,752 Oh, very well, thank you. 483 00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:08,796 Oh, splendid. 484 00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:11,838 I'm afraid I have to visit another one of my patients. 485 00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:13,876 Of course, of course. I am so sorry. 486 00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:19,156 Charming girl. 487 00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:27,356 Look out. Here he comes. 488 00:28:29,360 --> 00:28:30,395 Well, Mr. Lewis. 489 00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:32,198 How are we this morning? 490 00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:36,159 - Mustn't grumble, sir. - You hear that, gentlemen? "Mustn't grumble. " 491 00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:38,196 And after all he's been through. 492 00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:42,319 He's the sort of patient that makes a surgeon's life really worthwhile. 493 00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:45,073 You'll come to understand that shortly, Stuart. 494 00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:47,116 Yes, sir. 495 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:49,156 You're cured, Mr. Lewis. 496 00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:52,277 But you needn't hurry. You can stay as long as you like. 497 00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:54,316 We're here to do what we can for you. 498 00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:57,073 - Aren't we, Sister? - Naturally, Sir Lancelot. 499 00:28:58,240 --> 00:29:00,390 Goodbye, Mr. Lewis. And good luck to you. 500 00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:06,948 'Ere, what's come over him? He used to swear at 'em all like blue murder! 501 00:29:07,040 --> 00:29:08,439 There's something wrong. 502 00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:10,629 And I don't like it. 503 00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:12,551 Nor do I. 504 00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:14,437 Makes me feel rotten. 505 00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:42,156 Melody in F 506 00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:06,390 Here's the doctor to see you, Sir Lancelot. 507 00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:08,311 Morning, Lancelot. 508 00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:10,675 Go away. I didn't send for anybody. 509 00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:14,678 Now, then, what's all this about the Lady Macbeth routine? 510 00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:19,231 - I don't know what you're talking about. - Mrs. Clapper says that you are sleepwalking. 511 00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:23,156 Sleepwalking? Hollyhock s! 512 00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:26,714 Eh? Sleepwalking? Me? 513 00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:31,159 - That could be dangerous. - It could be damaging. 514 00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:33,959 You don't mean to tell me that I've... 515 00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:36,793 I've been wandering around without any... 516 00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:39,633 No, no. No. Just around the house, apparently. That's all. 517 00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:42,791 Thank God for that. 518 00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:48,231 I don't mind admitting, now you're here, Simon, that er... I'm not myself. Not at all myself. 519 00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:51,790 Well, let's have a look. Come on. How long's it been going on for? 520 00:30:51,880 --> 00:30:54,440 Well, ever since I left that blasted hospital. 521 00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:57,751 I'm sure I was poisoned. The food there's not fit to manure rose beds. 522 00:30:57,840 --> 00:30:59,592 Have you taken any measures yourself? 523 00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:02,513 The usual ones. Purging, inhalation, sweating... 524 00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:04,556 All quite useless. 525 00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:08,872 What's that? 526 00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:10,313 Garlic. 527 00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:12,960 Rub you round a bowl, you'd make a great salad. 528 00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:14,996 You know... 529 00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:18,152 You're quite wrong to despise these old folk remedies. 530 00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:21,038 I've got a maiden aunt who swears by garlic. 531 00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:23,076 Never without a bit next to the skin. 532 00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:25,390 I'm convinced that's why she's lived to be 92. 533 00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:27,948 Perhaps that's why she's still a maiden at 92. 534 00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:34,916 Ooh. 535 00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:43,278 - Heart all right? - Mm? 536 00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:46,193 - Heart all right? - Say, "One, one, one. " 537 00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:49,157 One, one, one. 538 00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:52,198 - Now louder. - One, one, one! 539 00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:56,716 Very interesting. 540 00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:58,358 Have you found anything? 541 00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:02,399 Had any pins and needles, dizziness, headaches? Waterworks all right? 542 00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:08,794 Er... Yes... no... no... yes. 543 00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:10,836 Ooh! 544 00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:14,430 - Have you made a diagnosis? - I don't know yet. 545 00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:19,275 See what your exercise tolerance is like. Come on. Up you get. Come and stand on this. 546 00:32:19,360 --> 00:32:21,032 Get up. 547 00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:24,436 Up again. 548 00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:28,354 Now do that 30 times while I go and borrow something from Mrs. Clapper. 549 00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:31,000 - 30 times? Do you want to kill me, Simon? - Yes. 550 00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:33,036 Oh, no... 551 00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:35,076 Oh, no. 552 00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:40,396 Three... 553 00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:43,471 Four... 554 00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:46,398 Mrs. Clappe? 555 00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:49,756 - Yes, Doctor? - Have you got a pin or a needle I could borrow? 556 00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:51,796 Did you have to cut him? 557 00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:55,350 No, no. I just want something for a test. Anything sharp will do. 558 00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:57,396 Let me see... 559 00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:02,836 Would you like this? 560 00:33:04,520 --> 00:33:06,476 I think he'd love it. 561 00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:08,630 Ooh! 562 00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:10,995 Good grief! What are you going to do with that? 563 00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:13,514 Sensation test. Shut your eyes and you won't notice. 564 00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:15,636 Not on your nelly and not on mine either! 565 00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:19,474 All right. We'll come back to it. Let's see about your blood pressure. 566 00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:21,516 I feel a little faint. 567 00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:24,717 - I think I'll have a glass of brandy. - In a minute. 568 00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:27,758 You know, Lancelot, your heart is as sound as a bell. 569 00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:29,159 It is? 570 00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:31,037 Yes. 571 00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:33,076 Your lungs are as clean as a whistle. 572 00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:35,037 They are? 573 00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:36,473 And your blood pressure... 574 00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:41,069 Absolutely normal. 575 00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:44,038 So the whole thing must be psychosomatic or emotional. 576 00:33:44,120 --> 00:33:47,078 But, Simon, I've never been called emotional before. 577 00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:49,037 Perhaps you've never been in love before. 578 00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:53,876 Get out of my house, you miserable, bat-eared quack! 579 00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:55,598 Well, that's my diagnosis. 580 00:33:57,160 --> 00:33:59,993 Take it or leave it. And my prescription is... 581 00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:02,958 a good dinner, a bottle of wine... 582 00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:05,713 and press your suit on you know who. 583 00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:13,117 Is it serious, Doctor? 584 00:34:13,200 --> 00:34:16,909 Yes, it's serious, Mrs. Clapper. But don't worry. It'll take its course. 585 00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:18,956 Will he be going to bed? 586 00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:20,951 That depends on the physiotherapist. 587 00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:29,438 Stop! No, no! Don't stop! Aaah! 588 00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:31,829 Tell me when I'm causing distress, Major. 589 00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:33,876 Distress?! Distress?! 590 00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:35,996 You're marvelous with that thing! 591 00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:43,833 Actually, you're pretty marvelous altogether! 592 00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:45,956 - Yes, Major. - Oh, look here... 593 00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:48,672 ...drop the handle. 594 00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:50,432 Tommy's the old moniker. 595 00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:53,876 Or Tiger. They used to call me Tiger French in Malaya. 596 00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:55,359 Oh, really? And why was that? 597 00:34:55,440 --> 00:35:00,389 Well, out on my first jungle patrol, I stalked a Chinese commie the whole day. 598 00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:03,670 Got him in the end. Turned out to be a tiger! 599 00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:06,638 Well, I mean, you can't live a thing like that down, can you? 600 00:35:06,720 --> 00:35:09,154 So when I was posted I decided to live up to it. 601 00:35:09,240 --> 00:35:12,073 Fearless type, you know. That's why I grew a beard. 602 00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:16,433 Doesn't work, does it? 603 00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:19,592 Oh, I don't know. I'm rather partial to beards. 604 00:35:20,640 --> 00:35:23,473 Are you, now? I say, that is interesting. 605 00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:26,795 But it would be much more interesting for... 606 00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:30,031 for both of us if I could get these old pins walking again. 607 00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:32,680 Mm, yes, well, that's why we're here, isn't it? 608 00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:35,513 Well, there's not much chance of that, I'm afraid. 609 00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:40,598 Oh, though I'd be prepared to stake a packet for this. 610 00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:44,753 If anybody could do the trick, you could, Marchant, old girl! 611 00:35:44,840 --> 00:35:46,592 Iris is the moniker. 612 00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:48,796 Ooh, Iris! Aaah! Iris! 613 00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:54,918 Hang on to that, will you? 614 00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:56,228 Don't run away. 615 00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:58,834 Run away? That'll be the day! 616 00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:00,876 Hello? Yes? 617 00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:03,876 Oh, Sir Lancelot. 618 00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:09,795 Oh... Well, I'm afraid my evenings are rather booked up for some time. 619 00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:11,836 Yes. 620 00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:16,031 Well bless you. It was a very sweet thought. 621 00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:17,109 All right. 622 00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:18,952 Bye-bye. 623 00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:23,596 Ugh! Muck! 624 00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:27,750 Ah, tea. 625 00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:30,756 Hog swill. 626 00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:34,276 - No sugar? - Ugh! 627 00:36:34,360 --> 00:36:36,828 Typical. The whole place is going to the dogs. 628 00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:40,196 Mass incompetence and inefficiency in every department. 629 00:36:40,280 --> 00:36:43,590 - Including Physiotherapy? - Especially Physiotherapy. 630 00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:46,596 Aha. 631 00:36:48,240 --> 00:36:49,992 So she said no, eh? 632 00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:54,032 She turned me down, Simon, as if I'd been a first-year student. 633 00:36:57,120 --> 00:36:59,759 Well, perhaps you are in this particular field. 634 00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:01,990 It takes practice to know how to handle ladies. 635 00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:05,868 I've been in practice for years and I've handled thousands of ladies. 636 00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:08,474 You've handled ladies, surgically speaking. 637 00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:11,632 You know all about their lights, their lungs and their livers. 638 00:37:11,720 --> 00:37:14,109 But do you know anything at all about their hearts? 639 00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:15,758 No. 640 00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:18,115 There you are. That's what I mean, you see. 641 00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:20,156 Well, what do you suggest? 642 00:37:20,240 --> 00:37:22,674 Well... coax her. 643 00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:25,752 Encourage her. Be kind, be gentle. 644 00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:28,195 She knows you mainly as a surgeon. 645 00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:32,068 Let her discover that you're a man of many parts. 646 00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:34,037 Show her my... butterfly collection? 647 00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:36,553 No. 648 00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:40,319 No, if possible, I think you should do something. 649 00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:41,913 Do something you're good at. 650 00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:43,479 Like fishing. 651 00:37:43,560 --> 00:37:45,915 You can't take her out fishing after dinner. 652 00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:48,592 Well, I could play the piano. 653 00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:50,716 Random gems from The Student Prince? 654 00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:55,237 I was thinking more of the 48 Preludes and Fugues of Bach, which I play rather well. 655 00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:57,356 I don't think she'd sit through 48, do you? 656 00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:00,709 Oh, dear, oh, dear! 657 00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:06,675 Look, aren't you... aren't you good at some kind of... some kind of a game? 658 00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:12,036 I think I've got the very thing. 659 00:38:18,240 --> 00:38:20,196 Now, my dear... 660 00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:23,716 you must be very careful not to cut the cloth. It's very expensive. 661 00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:26,553 And, er... don't wave your cue about. 662 00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:32,958 Now, the thing to do is to strike the white ball so that it knock s that red one in the pocket. 663 00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:39,193 Like that? 664 00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:42,236 Yes. 665 00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:44,276 That's what we call a fluke. 666 00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:48,990 Now... You now have to pot one of the colored balls. 667 00:38:49,080 --> 00:38:52,959 It doesn't really matter which, but I think the blue is the prettiest. 668 00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:54,996 Like your eyes. 669 00:38:58,080 --> 00:38:59,911 Like that? 670 00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:01,752 Have you played this game before? 671 00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:04,673 Yes, I have. 672 00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:06,716 But I'm terribly out of practice. 673 00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:09,234 - This calls for brandy. - Not for me. 674 00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:10,753 But for me. 675 00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:13,715 Your ball. 676 00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:15,756 Thank you. 677 00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:22,076 Try this, Sir Lancelot. 678 00:39:24,080 --> 00:39:26,036 Thank you, my dear. 679 00:39:31,960 --> 00:39:34,758 Tell me... Do you think you could be a little less formal? 680 00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:37,229 Oh, I see. Well, erm... 681 00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:39,276 What would you like me to call you? 682 00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:42,238 Just plain Lancelot or have you got some sort of a nickname? 683 00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:45,153 I have, but it hasn't been used since I was at school. 684 00:39:45,240 --> 00:39:46,878 May I share the secret? 685 00:39:46,960 --> 00:39:49,269 Well, it's... Porker. 686 00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:53,672 Yes, well, little boys can be very unkind. 687 00:39:54,720 --> 00:39:55,994 And observant, too. 688 00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:58,594 Yes, I see what you mean. 689 00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:22,556 Melody in F 690 00:40:43,920 --> 00:40:46,593 That's sentimental rubbish! I can't bear it! 691 00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:49,035 Your unconscious doesn't seem to agree with you. 692 00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:50,314 Well, what do you expect? 693 00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:53,119 That woman beats me at snooker and then tells me I'm too fat. 694 00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:55,794 - Well, you are too fat. Look at you. - Fat I am not 695 00:40:55,880 --> 00:41:00,158 - I am generously proportioned. - You've got to lose weight to make progress. 696 00:41:00,240 --> 00:41:03,755 Who was it said the commonest instruments of suicide are a knife and fork? 697 00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:07,628 Very well. But I'm not going to nibble grapefruit like an anemic rabbit. 698 00:41:07,720 --> 00:41:11,508 I could easily arrange for you to lose a few pounds. I know a bloke that runs a place. 699 00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:13,556 Look, why don't you let me call him? 700 00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:15,596 Wretched woman. 701 00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:19,716 Oh, very well! Fix it! 702 00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:36,758 Yes? Yes, well, Dr. Blacker should be back any minute. 703 00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:40,793 Oh look here he is now. Er can you hang on a sec? 704 00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:44,357 It's Dr. Sparrow. 705 00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:47,197 Hello, Simon. What can I do for you? 706 00:41:48,240 --> 00:41:50,708 Oh, Spratt the surgeon, eh? 707 00:41:50,800 --> 00:41:53,758 Yes. But don't stand any nonsense from him. 708 00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:56,912 I want you to give him the work s. The full treatment. 709 00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:00,276 Tomorrow? Splendid. 710 00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:04,995 Yes, I'll look in after he's been with you a few days. Good. 711 00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:07,355 How's business? Pretty brisk? 712 00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:09,396 Oh, mustn't grumble. 713 00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:12,472 Got my hands pretty full as usual, you know. 714 00:42:12,560 --> 00:42:14,278 Yeah, well, goodbye, now. 715 00:42:31,480 --> 00:42:33,391 Anyone in charge of this dosshouse? 716 00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:35,915 Ah. 717 00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:38,639 My name is Spratt and I've come to lose some of this. 718 00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:42,911 - Oh, yes, Sir Lancelot. We were expecting you. - I should hope so. 719 00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:47,152 Kindly see that my baggage is brought in and that the crate with the bottles is not shaken. 720 00:42:47,240 --> 00:42:48,639 Bottles? 721 00:42:48,720 --> 00:42:50,472 Lafitte, '3. 722 00:42:50,560 --> 00:42:52,551 And I don't want it ruined. 723 00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:54,596 A superb year. 724 00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:58,116 - How lucky you are. - Dr. Blacker, this is Sir Lancelot Spratt. 725 00:42:58,200 --> 00:42:59,838 - Oh, how do you do? - How do you do? 726 00:42:59,920 --> 00:43:01,672 I run this little purgatory here. 727 00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:04,832 h that case you will kindly see that my wine is not disturbed. 728 00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:07,354 - It won't be. Not even by you. - What?! 729 00:43:07,440 --> 00:43:12,594 Er, Miss Minton, see that Sir Lancelot's wine is put in the strongroom, will you? 730 00:43:12,680 --> 00:43:14,398 Perhaps, Sir Lancelot, you'd like me 731 00:43:14,480 --> 00:43:16,755 - to show you round the place? - Very well. 732 00:43:20,320 --> 00:43:23,232 Spratt. That's the surgeon, isn't it? 733 00:43:23,320 --> 00:43:25,151 Yes, it must be. 734 00:43:25,240 --> 00:43:30,189 I shall enjoy talking to him. I've been under the knife... many times. 735 00:43:30,280 --> 00:43:33,033 Sorry you have to share a room but we're very busy. 736 00:43:33,120 --> 00:43:35,998 The lavage room is like Ascot on Gold Cup day. 737 00:43:36,080 --> 00:43:37,638 - Indeed. - Excuse me, sir. 738 00:43:37,720 --> 00:43:41,474 Your companion is very delightful. Mr. Bradby. Have you heard of him? 739 00:43:41,560 --> 00:43:44,677 I did an oophorectomy on a Bradby some time ago. 740 00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:46,318 Well, perhaps he came on here. 741 00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:49,437 Hardly likely. He went straight to the London Acropolis. 742 00:43:49,520 --> 00:43:52,830 Oh, poor chap. This Bradby's an author. Very popular. 743 00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:56,754 Ah, Nurse. Nurse Bossom will see that you get settled in all right. 744 00:43:56,840 --> 00:43:58,512 I shall be seeing you later. 745 00:43:58,600 --> 00:43:59,919 This way, Sir Lancelot. 746 00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:02,150 Though somewhat off the beaten track. 747 00:44:02,240 --> 00:44:05,835 Mr. Bradby, this is Sir Lancelot Spratt, your roommate. 748 00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:07,876 Snap. 749 00:44:07,960 --> 00:44:11,953 - A wireless. I don't think I'm going to like that. - No, no, a tape recorder. 750 00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:15,555 I dictate a certain amount for my book s, you know. 751 00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:17,119 I hope it won't disturb you. 752 00:44:17,200 --> 00:44:18,952 I share your hope. 753 00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:20,917 You just get into bed, Sir Lancelot. 754 00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:24,151 And what good would that do me? I can't take any exercise in bed. 755 00:44:24,240 --> 00:44:25,992 Perhaps we could manage something. 756 00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:28,549 I doubt it. 757 00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:30,517 I mean, you could wiggle your toes. 758 00:44:30,600 --> 00:44:35,515 If I wanted to lose weight from my feet, woman, I could cut my toenails, damn it! 759 00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:41,076 Now, after me, girls. 760 00:44:41,160 --> 00:44:46,996 And... one-two, one-two, one-two, one-two... 761 00:44:47,080 --> 00:44:49,674 I hope you'll like it here... Oh, excuse me. 762 00:44:49,760 --> 00:44:51,113 That's right. 763 00:44:51,200 --> 00:44:53,555 We try to make everything friendly. 764 00:44:53,640 --> 00:44:55,835 Good afternoon, Miss Steele. 765 00:44:55,920 --> 00:44:58,878 What have you lost since yesterday? 766 00:44:59,960 --> 00:45:02,076 Very friendly girl. 767 00:45:02,160 --> 00:45:04,913 That's right. Keep it swinging. 768 00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:08,549 One-two one-two. 769 00:45:08,640 --> 00:45:10,198 Please sit down. 770 00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:12,840 - What's your age, Sir Lancelot? - No comment. 771 00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:16,276 Over 50. Now, why do you want to lose weight? 772 00:45:16,360 --> 00:45:19,716 Why? Because I propose to ride a Derby winner. 773 00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:22,917 You're not being very cooperative. I'm only trying to help. 774 00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:27,232 You'd help a great deal more if you were to cut out all this guff and give me my luncheon. 775 00:45:27,320 --> 00:45:30,312 Oh, we've got a lot of ground to cover before your luncheon. 776 00:45:30,400 --> 00:45:34,029 It really is a pleasure to meet you Sir Lancelot. 777 00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:37,669 I wonder if you know my surgeon, Mr. Lucas. 778 00:45:37,760 --> 00:45:40,228 I do indeed. An incompetent. 779 00:45:41,280 --> 00:45:48,072 Well, as I was saying, one day - it was in last June, to be precise... the 13th - 780 00:45:48,160 --> 00:45:51,869 I was seized with a great attack of pain and vomiting. 781 00:45:51,960 --> 00:45:53,916 So I called my doctor at once. 782 00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:56,514 Hey somebody! Let me out of here! 783 00:45:58,640 --> 00:46:01,552 Ah, Sir Lancelot. You wanted something? 784 00:46:01,640 --> 00:46:05,474 Yes, let me out of here. I'm either being boiled alive or bored to death! 785 00:46:05,560 --> 00:46:07,516 Your time's not up yet, I'm afraid. 786 00:46:07,600 --> 00:46:10,637 Another 20 minutes. Just relax. 787 00:46:10,720 --> 00:46:12,597 Enjoy yourself. 788 00:46:15,680 --> 00:46:17,352 And 36... 789 00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:19,396 and 37... 790 00:46:19,480 --> 00:46:21,436 and 38... 791 00:46:21,520 --> 00:46:23,476 and 39... 792 00:46:23,560 --> 00:46:25,516 and 40... 793 00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:29,036 - and 41... - What are you going on for? I stop at 40. 794 00:46:29,120 --> 00:46:31,634 We're stepping you up a bit. Doctor's instructions. 795 00:46:31,720 --> 00:46:33,950 - Not for me. - Now, now sir. 796 00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:36,031 We want to get our waistline down, don't we? 797 00:46:36,120 --> 00:46:38,839 Perhaps if we don't, there's someone who'd like us to. 798 00:46:38,920 --> 00:46:42,469 Tell me... What did you do before you got into this racket? 799 00:46:42,560 --> 00:46:44,152 Run a torture chamber somewhere? 800 00:46:44,240 --> 00:46:47,630 Me, sir? No, sir. Army, sir. Judo instructor. Black belt. 801 00:46:47,720 --> 00:46:50,473 Ah. Judo. I must remember that. 802 00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:52,516 Now, sir. No slacking. Put your back into it. 803 00:46:52,600 --> 00:46:54,795 And 45... and 46... 804 00:46:54,880 --> 00:46:56,791 and... Now, steady, sir. 805 00:46:56,880 --> 00:46:58,836 Doctor's orders. Oi! 806 00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:03,551 A Japanese patient once paid me in kind. 807 00:47:03,640 --> 00:47:05,710 Good afternoon to you. 808 00:47:05,800 --> 00:47:07,756 Cor blimey! 809 00:47:09,080 --> 00:47:13,517 The first course was a lobster bisque, served hot... 810 00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:16,672 with a dish of local whipped cream on the side. 811 00:47:17,720 --> 00:47:18,948 Am I disturbing you? 812 00:47:19,040 --> 00:47:21,793 Indeed, no. I am most interested. 813 00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:26,351 This was followed by a plain roast saddle of English lamb, 814 00:47:26,440 --> 00:47:30,831 cooked with rosemary for not too long in a charcoal oven. 815 00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:34,155 Excellent. Just the way I like it myself. 816 00:47:34,240 --> 00:47:37,676 It's a place I've recommended in every issue of my book. 817 00:47:39,840 --> 00:47:43,230 - Did you enjoy it, sir? - No, kindly bring the next course. 818 00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:45,356 Sorry, sir, but there isn't a next course. 819 00:47:46,840 --> 00:47:50,913 The cellar in this hotel is remarkably well stocked. 820 00:47:50,1000 --> 00:47:54,151 I like particularly the anger of Niersteiner, 821 00:47:54,240 --> 00:47:58,711 and chose a very cooling 1959 at a moderate price. 822 00:47:59,800 --> 00:48:02,678 - One of you gentlemen rang? - I want a drink. Bring me the list. 823 00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:04,591 List, sir? We haven't one. 824 00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:07,148 Would you like barley water, soda water or water? 825 00:48:07,240 --> 00:48:08,468 Get out! 826 00:48:09,520 --> 00:48:11,112 Am I disturbing you? 827 00:48:11,200 --> 00:48:13,555 - I am going for a walk. - A walk? 828 00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:46,915 Got you! 829 00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:48,069 Got who? 830 00:48:48,160 --> 00:48:50,116 Who are you looking at? 831 00:48:50,200 --> 00:48:54,352 - I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else. - Well, you've made a mistake, haven't you? 832 00:48:57,880 --> 00:49:00,155 Er, y-yes, I have. 833 00:49:06,920 --> 00:49:08,876 Caught you, red-handed. 834 00:49:11,080 --> 00:49:12,593 I thought it was you. 835 00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:15,513 - I'm not speaking to you. - Naughty, naughty, Sir Lancelot. 836 00:49:15,600 --> 00:49:17,318 That's no way to talk to you doctor. 837 00:49:17,400 --> 00:49:19,038 - Did you hear that? - What? 838 00:49:19,120 --> 00:49:22,430 Sir Lancelot. He reckons he's one of them Knights of the Round Table. 839 00:49:22,520 --> 00:49:25,034 No, he's one of them nutters that's got loose, isn't he? 840 00:49:25,120 --> 00:49:28,396 Yeah. Come on. They can turn dead vicious, you know. 841 00:49:32,520 --> 00:49:34,476 Come on! 842 00:49:38,200 --> 00:49:41,954 Surely she's worth a little self-discipline, a bit of discomfort. 843 00:49:42,040 --> 00:49:44,508 I'm sure the clinic's treating you very well. 844 00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:46,556 They're treating me like a convict. 845 00:49:46,640 --> 00:49:48,232 They've taken my clothes away. 846 00:49:48,320 --> 00:49:52,472 I had to bribe the gardener to get a mackintosh and cap or I wouldn't have slipped out at all. 847 00:49:52,560 --> 00:49:56,109 You shouldn't have slipped out at all. What's the point of a diet if you cheat? 848 00:49:56,200 --> 00:49:59,397 Come off it, Simon. I only came in here for a cup of lemon tea. 849 00:50:00,480 --> 00:50:02,391 Yeah. Well that shouldn't hurt you. 850 00:50:02,480 --> 00:50:05,119 Now buzz off and leave me alone. 851 00:50:07,040 --> 00:50:11,795 Treble baked beans, treble fried bread, treble egg and treble chips. Anything else? 852 00:50:11,880 --> 00:50:15,031 How about treble spotted dick, just for afters? 853 00:50:15,120 --> 00:50:18,669 Comes from a starvation hole, does he? We get a lot of them in here. 854 00:50:18,760 --> 00:50:21,672 Well, he's a big fella. What's the matter with a big blowout? 855 00:50:21,760 --> 00:50:23,557 If he gets through that, he'll blow up. 856 00:50:28,280 --> 00:50:30,999 Goodbye, Mrs. Parry. You shouldn't have any more trouble 857 00:50:31,080 --> 00:50:33,150 providing you stick to that diet sheet. 858 00:50:33,240 --> 00:50:37,313 Don't you worry yourself, Doctor. I'm going to read it when I've got time. 859 00:50:39,360 --> 00:50:41,316 We try. 860 00:50:41,400 --> 00:50:43,356 Well... so long, Mrs. Brown. 861 00:50:43,440 --> 00:50:45,112 - Goodbye. - Keep smiling, now. 862 00:50:47,080 --> 00:50:48,957 - Hello, Stuart. - Good morning, sir. 863 00:50:49,040 --> 00:50:51,270 Here's the path report on Mrs. Whittaker. 864 00:50:52,880 --> 00:50:54,836 We shall have to operate, shan't we? 865 00:50:57,280 --> 00:50:59,111 Yes. 866 00:50:59,200 --> 00:51:00,679 She was expecting to go home. 867 00:51:04,560 --> 00:51:06,516 Break it to her gently, will you? 868 00:51:06,600 --> 00:51:09,398 - Me? - You're responsible for her, aren't you? 869 00:51:10,960 --> 00:51:12,916 I've never had to tell anyone. 870 00:51:13,000 --> 00:51:14,672 That's part of the job. 871 00:51:15,720 --> 00:51:17,631 Telling people unpleasant truths. 872 00:51:17,720 --> 00:51:19,676 Easy does it. 873 00:51:20,960 --> 00:51:22,712 That's it. 874 00:51:22,800 --> 00:51:24,756 - Goodbye, Mrs. Johnson. - Goodbye. 875 00:51:24,840 --> 00:51:26,796 Glad to see you running about again. 876 00:51:33,040 --> 00:51:37,079 Oh, hello, Mrs. Whittaker! I thought you were flitting today, same as me. 877 00:51:37,160 --> 00:51:39,435 I was, but they want me to have an operation. 878 00:51:39,520 --> 00:51:42,159 Do they, now? Oh, you'll love it! 879 00:51:42,240 --> 00:51:44,879 I did. It's even better than on the telly! 880 00:51:44,960 --> 00:51:46,632 - Now, good luck. - Thank you. 881 00:51:47,680 --> 00:51:50,353 Now, Mrs. Parry, time you were off. Are you ready? 882 00:51:50,440 --> 00:51:54,115 Yes, I'm ready now, Sister. I think I've said goodbye to everyone. 883 00:51:54,200 --> 00:51:56,760 Ooh, I was forgetting Mrs. Roberts! 884 00:51:56,840 --> 00:51:58,796 Fancy forgetting you! 885 00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:00,836 It is Mrs. Roberts, isn't it? 886 00:52:00,920 --> 00:52:03,275 I thought so. Goodbye, then. 887 00:52:03,360 --> 00:52:05,316 You're looking better. 888 00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:09,113 Goodbye, all! Take care of yourselves! 889 00:52:20,800 --> 00:52:23,678 Now, here's a model you might find attractive, sir. 890 00:52:23,760 --> 00:52:25,716 A Waterloo Wasper. 891 00:52:25,800 --> 00:52:27,756 Eugh! 892 00:52:27,840 --> 00:52:31,150 No, no, no... I see what you mean, sir. I see what you mean. 893 00:52:32,200 --> 00:52:36,432 Now, I wonder if this one might appeal to you, sir. This one is the Harrogate Hourglass. 894 00:52:38,160 --> 00:52:39,673 No. 895 00:52:39,760 --> 00:52:43,036 No, you're absolutely right, sir, of course. It's not you. 896 00:52:43,120 --> 00:52:45,475 Er... Ah, now, what about this one? 897 00:52:46,680 --> 00:52:48,159 What the devil do you call that? 898 00:52:48,240 --> 00:52:51,994 Well, you've guessed it, sir. Diablo. Now, isn't it heaven? 899 00:52:52,080 --> 00:52:54,036 - Is it hell! - Try it on, sir. 900 00:52:54,120 --> 00:52:56,076 Just for size. 901 00:52:56,160 --> 00:52:58,116 There we are. 902 00:52:58,200 --> 00:53:00,760 That's it. Comfy? 903 00:53:01,920 --> 00:53:06,277 Oh, dreamy! Dreamy, Sir Lancelot! With that you're definitely with it. 904 00:53:06,360 --> 00:53:09,511 - What do you mean I'm "with it"? - You're not with it without it. 905 00:53:14,480 --> 00:53:16,072 Spratt. 906 00:53:17,120 --> 00:53:19,350 Oh, good morning, Iris, dear. How are you? 907 00:53:19,440 --> 00:53:20,953 Was the conference interesting? 908 00:53:21,040 --> 00:53:23,600 You can't expect it to have been an exciting procedure. 909 00:53:26,680 --> 00:53:28,636 - Thanks. - Oh, I'm sorry. 910 00:53:30,640 --> 00:53:36,272 Erm... Yes, Lancelot, I got your note but I'm afraid I won't be able to make Wednesday. 911 00:53:36,360 --> 00:53:39,636 No, not Thursday either, I'm afraid. 912 00:53:40,680 --> 00:53:44,673 Well, you see, my London practice is getting very busy now. 913 00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:46,716 Yes. 914 00:53:46,800 --> 00:53:49,155 Well, thank you for thinking of me, anyway. 915 00:53:49,240 --> 00:53:53,472 All right. Look, Lancelot, I've got to go. I've got a patient waiting for me. 916 00:53:53,560 --> 00:53:55,232 All right. Bye. 917 00:53:55,320 --> 00:53:58,278 - Hello. - Hello, Tommy. Sorry to have kept you waiting. 918 00:53:58,360 --> 00:53:59,759 That's all right. 919 00:53:59,840 --> 00:54:04,391 - How are we feeling today? Better? - Oh, today, tomorrow, this week, next week... 920 00:54:04,480 --> 00:54:08,359 - I shall always feel the same way about you. - Oh, don't start all that again. 921 00:54:08,440 --> 00:54:11,273 I can't help it, old girl. You've knocked me for six. 922 00:54:11,360 --> 00:54:14,511 Oh, I thought I was just getting you up on your feet again. 923 00:54:14,600 --> 00:54:18,912 Not much chance of that, I'm afraid. But I'll tell you this, if I were back on my feet, 924 00:54:19,000 --> 00:54:22,436 that fellow who keeps ringing you wouldn't stand a ghost of a chance. 925 00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:25,034 Oh. Eavesdropping, eh? 926 00:54:25,120 --> 00:54:27,839 Well, why not? All's fair, etc. 927 00:54:29,400 --> 00:54:31,356 Oh, listen, Iris. 928 00:54:31,440 --> 00:54:33,237 You could do worse, you know. 929 00:54:33,320 --> 00:54:37,598 I mean, there's the old gratuity. And a nice property with a few acres of rough pasture 930 00:54:37,680 --> 00:54:39,989 and a couple of chestnuts for you to exercise. 931 00:54:40,080 --> 00:54:41,957 Oh, I can see it all. 932 00:54:42,040 --> 00:54:47,194 You, whooshing up the drive in the old Aston Martin after a hard day in the hospital, hm? 933 00:54:47,280 --> 00:54:50,590 - What would you be doing? - Sitting on the terrace with the odd noggin. 934 00:54:50,680 --> 00:54:55,117 The old double-barreled over my knee - waiting to take a pot at a stray wood pigeon. 935 00:54:56,160 --> 00:54:59,038 Honestly, Tommy! You're a hopeless case! 936 00:54:59,120 --> 00:55:01,076 Yes, I know. 937 00:55:01,160 --> 00:55:02,912 Oh, no, I didn't mean that. 938 00:55:03,000 --> 00:55:06,754 No, nor did I. Just a hopeless case of love, hm? 939 00:55:08,120 --> 00:55:10,076 Tommy... 940 00:55:10,160 --> 00:55:12,116 Yes? 941 00:55:13,560 --> 00:55:15,516 Now, we've got to stop this. 942 00:55:16,720 --> 00:55:19,314 You must concentrate on your treatment. 943 00:55:20,880 --> 00:55:22,836 I haven't got much choice, have I? 944 00:55:50,040 --> 00:55:51,712 What are you gawping at? 945 00:55:52,760 --> 00:55:54,716 Well, it's fantastic. 946 00:55:54,800 --> 00:55:58,031 I've never seen such wonderful results... from dieting. 947 00:55:58,120 --> 00:56:01,237 Not everybody has the discipline or self-control, you know. 948 00:56:01,320 --> 00:56:03,276 That's true. 949 00:56:05,400 --> 00:56:07,834 Now that you've started, you must keep it up. 950 00:56:07,920 --> 00:56:09,194 What do you think I'm doing? 951 00:56:09,280 --> 00:56:13,910 I mean, it'd be a pity, wouldn't it? A terrible pity if you had a sort of sudden... 952 00:56:14,960 --> 00:56:15,915 ...relapse. 953 00:56:18,520 --> 00:56:20,670 Er, before Iris sees you. 954 00:56:20,760 --> 00:56:22,716 I don't understand the woman. 955 00:56:22,800 --> 00:56:25,155 She's turned down two invitations to dinner... 956 00:56:26,200 --> 00:56:30,193 ...and muttered something about having to go to London to look after her patients. 957 00:56:30,280 --> 00:56:34,114 - What, at night? - So she says. What's the matter with her? 958 00:56:34,200 --> 00:56:36,953 Well, she could be being discreet. 959 00:56:38,040 --> 00:56:40,918 Oh, you mean she's got a man up there? A lover? 960 00:56:41,000 --> 00:56:42,319 No, I didn't say that. 961 00:56:42,400 --> 00:56:44,709 It's impossible! Good God - she's got me! 962 00:56:44,800 --> 00:56:46,631 Not quite, I gather. 963 00:56:46,720 --> 00:56:48,312 You're quite right, Simon. 964 00:56:49,360 --> 00:56:51,510 - I shall have to do something. - Get cracking. 965 00:56:53,640 --> 00:56:55,073 What's that? Indigestion? 966 00:56:55,160 --> 00:56:57,754 No, it's only a twinge from my old rupture. 967 00:56:57,840 --> 00:56:59,796 I think I'd better have a look at you. 968 00:56:59,880 --> 00:57:01,791 - Take off your coat. - No, it's all right. 969 00:57:01,880 --> 00:57:04,314 This is very serious. These old lesions can blow up. 970 00:57:04,400 --> 00:57:07,233 Simon, I can promise you it's all right. 971 00:57:07,320 --> 00:57:11,154 Now, it's very kind of you to come. Thank you very much indeed. I'm most grateful. 972 00:57:11,240 --> 00:57:12,958 You're quite sure? I shall leave you. 973 00:57:13,040 --> 00:57:16,589 All right, well, you know where to get me if you need me. I mean... 974 00:57:16,680 --> 00:57:18,432 should something explode. 975 00:57:28,840 --> 00:57:32,355 Hampden Cross? Do you happen to know the name of a detective agency? 976 00:57:33,400 --> 00:57:36,472 You don't. Well, give me directory enquiries, please. 977 00:57:37,600 --> 00:57:39,511 A man. 978 00:57:39,600 --> 00:57:43,036 Excuse me, sir, but what would you like for lunch? 979 00:57:43,120 --> 00:57:45,076 - A man. - Yes, sir. 980 00:57:45,160 --> 00:57:47,116 I'll have his head on a platter. 981 00:57:47,200 --> 00:57:50,351 Very good, sir. And I'll do a little braised celery to... 982 00:57:53,320 --> 00:57:55,356 What did you say, sir? 983 00:57:55,440 --> 00:57:57,396 I said... 984 00:58:04,360 --> 00:58:06,316 Melody in F 985 00:58:54,280 --> 00:58:56,589 Put your weapon away, Sir Lancelot. 986 00:59:15,040 --> 00:59:17,315 I want a full report on where the lady goes, 987 00:59:17,400 --> 00:59:19,550 what she does and whom she meets, understand? 988 00:59:19,640 --> 00:59:21,517 You can rely on us, Sir Lancelot. 989 00:59:21,600 --> 00:59:23,830 And I don't want anybody else to know about it. 990 00:59:23,920 --> 00:59:26,195 We're the soul of discretion, sir. Ooh... 991 00:59:27,600 --> 00:59:29,795 Do... do you mind if I sit down a moment, sir? 992 00:59:29,880 --> 00:59:31,359 What's the matter, man? 993 00:59:31,440 --> 00:59:33,396 Have you got an inflamed appendix? 994 00:59:33,480 --> 00:59:36,199 If you do a good job, I'll whip it out for you at a discount. 995 00:59:36,280 --> 00:59:39,670 It's nothing, sir. Just a little indigestion. Comes and goes. 996 00:59:39,760 --> 00:59:42,399 Rather like the lady in question, I gather! 997 00:59:42,480 --> 00:59:46,519 You'll be gathering a fractured coccyx if you don't mind your manners. 998 00:59:46,600 --> 00:59:48,556 Oh. 999 01:00:24,360 --> 01:00:26,715 What's up, guv? Come and sit down over here. 1000 01:00:39,720 --> 01:00:43,269 - What's that? - The emergency appendix, sir. Simon's doing it. 1001 01:00:43,360 --> 01:00:45,316 Hm. 1002 01:00:45,400 --> 01:00:47,834 I think I may as well wander along to the theatre. 1003 01:00:48,880 --> 01:00:50,836 Take my mind off things. 1004 01:00:54,160 --> 01:00:57,152 Morning, Mr. Holly. Now, you've nothing to worry about. 1005 01:00:57,240 --> 01:00:59,196 You won't feel a thing. 1006 01:00:59,280 --> 01:01:01,430 - Just you relax. - Thank you Doctor. 1007 01:01:06,320 --> 01:01:08,550 - Hello. - I've just come to watch. 1008 01:01:08,640 --> 01:01:10,790 It's a long time since I saw you operate. 1009 01:01:10,880 --> 01:01:13,792 - That is if you don't mind. - I don't mind in the very least. 1010 01:01:16,880 --> 01:01:18,950 - All ready, Dr. Sparrow. - Thank you, Sister. 1011 01:01:19,040 --> 01:01:22,874 - As long as you don't give me any free advice. - I'm not likely to do that, am I? 1012 01:01:26,600 --> 01:01:30,718 Good morning, everybody. Don't take any notice of me. I won't interfere. 1013 01:01:30,800 --> 01:01:32,552 All right, George? - OK. 1014 01:01:32,640 --> 01:01:34,596 All right, Sister. 1015 01:01:37,880 --> 01:01:40,155 What are you doing? What's that? 1016 01:01:40,240 --> 01:01:41,719 That's my primary incision. 1017 01:01:41,800 --> 01:01:44,951 You don't call that little scratch an incision, do you? 1018 01:01:48,040 --> 01:01:50,076 Cut man! Cut like I taught you! 1019 01:01:50,160 --> 01:01:52,435 Use your shoulders. You're not opening an oyster! 1020 01:01:52,520 --> 01:01:55,239 I wish you'd shut up and keep your pearls for someone else. 1021 01:02:03,820 --> 01:02:05,776 Sorry, Simon. 1022 01:02:05,860 --> 01:02:08,738 I'm only trying to be helpful. I shan't interrupt any more. 1023 01:02:08,820 --> 01:02:10,776 Retractor, Sister. 1024 01:02:10,860 --> 01:02:12,930 You don't call that a retractor, do you? 1025 01:02:13,020 --> 01:02:16,251 That is the retractor Dr. Sparrow always uses, Sir Lancelot. 1026 01:02:16,340 --> 01:02:18,490 Nonsense. Give him a big one. 1027 01:02:18,580 --> 01:02:20,969 He wants to collar the colon, not eat a Frankfurter. 1028 01:02:21,060 --> 01:02:23,733 Keep your gastronomic conversations to yourself. 1029 01:02:23,820 --> 01:02:27,495 - I can only say it's not the way I should do it. - Well, it's not your case! 1030 01:02:27,580 --> 01:02:31,129 Very well. If that's your attitude to your old teacher... 1031 01:02:31,220 --> 01:02:33,017 I shan't say any more. 1032 01:02:34,060 --> 01:02:37,132 Bad sign. Can't stand friendly criticism. 1033 01:02:42,660 --> 01:02:44,616 It's a nasty one. 1034 01:02:46,940 --> 01:02:48,896 That's better out than in. 1035 01:02:51,220 --> 01:02:52,289 All right, George... 1036 01:02:52,380 --> 01:02:54,336 - Stat opening up now. - Right-o. 1037 01:02:59,180 --> 01:03:01,136 Hey! What do you think you're doing? 1038 01:03:01,220 --> 01:03:02,699 You ought to be on the job. 1039 01:03:02,780 --> 01:03:06,489 Wake up! What do you think I'm spending good money on you for? 1040 01:03:06,580 --> 01:03:07,854 Wake up! 1041 01:03:07,940 --> 01:03:10,249 Hey, mind my stitches! 1042 01:03:11,380 --> 01:03:15,692 The train standing on platform five is the fast train for London. 1043 01:03:33,420 --> 01:03:35,376 Thank you, madam. 1044 01:03:37,740 --> 01:03:39,412 Do you mind? 1045 01:03:40,460 --> 01:03:42,416 So sorry, madam. 1046 01:03:54,620 --> 01:03:56,576 Disgusting. 1047 01:04:08,700 --> 01:04:10,213 Are you drunk or something? 1048 01:04:10,300 --> 01:04:11,619 Most certainly not. 1049 01:04:11,700 --> 01:04:14,260 What's the idea, then? You afraid of sunstroke? 1050 01:04:14,340 --> 01:04:15,739 I'm sorry. 1051 01:04:15,820 --> 01:04:18,288 You'll have to pay for all these things. 1052 01:04:18,380 --> 01:04:19,893 Oh, very well. 1053 01:04:46,580 --> 01:04:47,979 Lancelot! 1054 01:04:52,420 --> 01:04:55,014 'Ere... 'Ere, do you know that geezer? 1055 01:04:55,100 --> 01:04:56,294 Yes, I do. 1056 01:05:01,380 --> 01:05:04,053 - Well, he shouldn't be allowed out. - Is he a nutcase? 1057 01:05:03,140 --> 01:05:05,096 No, he's a friend of mine. 1058 01:05:05,180 --> 01:05:06,932 Some people do 'ave 'em! 1059 01:05:07,020 --> 01:05:09,773 Before he does any more damage, you better get him to a doctor. 1060 01:05:09,860 --> 01:05:11,134 I am a doctor. 1061 01:05:44,420 --> 01:05:47,651 Don't you know it's unlucky to open an umbrella indoors? 1062 01:05:47,740 --> 01:05:48,968 Not for me, madam. 1063 01:05:49,060 --> 01:05:51,415 You might have taken my eye out. 1064 01:05:52,780 --> 01:05:58,059 Madam, in my time, I have taken practically everyone's everything out. 1065 01:06:01,580 --> 01:06:03,616 Don't! Stop it! Don't! 1066 01:06:04,660 --> 01:06:08,016 I shall scream! I'm warning you. Oh! 1067 01:06:13,300 --> 01:06:14,699 The man must be a lunatic. 1068 01:06:14,780 --> 01:06:16,611 Must be a raving lunatic. 1069 01:06:36,100 --> 01:06:37,249 No. 1070 01:06:41,300 --> 01:06:44,770 No! No, don't shut the door. You can't come in. 1071 01:06:45,980 --> 01:06:48,540 - Can't I? - No. You see... 1072 01:06:48,620 --> 01:06:50,576 all these seats are taken. 1073 01:06:50,660 --> 01:06:52,616 Yes, they're all taken. 1074 01:06:53,660 --> 01:06:55,616 Oh, I see. I do beg your pardon. 1075 01:06:55,700 --> 01:06:58,373 I'm so sorry. I didn't realize. I beg your pardon. 1076 01:06:58,460 --> 01:07:01,258 Actually, there is room for me just there if I squeezed in 1077 01:07:01,340 --> 01:07:03,137 between you and the lady with the red hat. 1078 01:07:03,220 --> 01:07:04,972 Would you mind, madam? 1079 01:07:05,060 --> 01:07:07,369 I'll just put my coat up on the rack. Excuse me. 1080 01:07:07,460 --> 01:07:10,452 Thank you. Don't move. Just a bit. Thank you. That's fine. 1081 01:07:11,500 --> 01:07:13,456 Let me out! 1082 01:07:24,180 --> 01:07:27,855 It's all right. Perfectly all right. I'm a doctor and you fainted. 1083 01:07:27,940 --> 01:07:29,896 Oh... well... 1084 01:07:29,980 --> 01:07:32,699 Thank you, Doctor. You're... You're very kind. 1085 01:07:33,740 --> 01:07:37,016 - Feeling better now? - Oh, yes. Thanks to you. 1086 01:07:38,060 --> 01:07:42,611 I do apologize for making such an exhibition. Whatever must you have thought of me? 1087 01:07:42,700 --> 01:07:45,851 But, you see, I have had the most terrifying experience. 1088 01:07:45,940 --> 01:07:47,896 Would you like to tell me about it? 1089 01:07:47,980 --> 01:07:51,052 You see, there was this dreadful man in my compartment. 1090 01:07:51,140 --> 01:07:54,530 Oh, it was awful. I think, as long as I live, 1091 01:07:54,620 --> 01:07:58,090 I shall never forget the sight of his dark glasses and... 1092 01:07:58,180 --> 01:08:00,136 - Dark glasses? - Yes. 1093 01:08:00,220 --> 01:08:02,575 - And an umbrella? - Yes. 1094 01:08:04,060 --> 01:08:07,211 You see, Doctor, I'm sure that he's... 1095 01:08:09,100 --> 01:08:10,453 ...a maniac. 1096 01:08:32,780 --> 01:08:34,736 Taxi! 1097 01:08:45,560 --> 01:08:46,913 Follow that cab. 1098 01:08:48,720 --> 01:08:51,109 - Blimey! Going in disguise? - Don't be impertinent! 1099 01:08:51,200 --> 01:08:53,156 All right, all right, all right! 1100 01:09:01,800 --> 01:09:03,756 You're quite safe. He's gone. 1101 01:09:03,840 --> 01:09:05,796 Oh. But, Doctor... 1102 01:09:05,880 --> 01:09:09,759 - Please, do try and be calm, will you? - I can't. I can't. 1103 01:09:09,840 --> 01:09:11,717 Now, look, you've got your knitting back. 1104 01:09:11,800 --> 01:09:14,678 Count your stitches. It's very soothing. Good day. 1105 01:09:37,600 --> 01:09:40,353 Oh, tell Mr. Heilbronn he won't regret the decision. 1106 01:09:41,400 --> 01:09:43,356 Yes, of course I can be ready. 1107 01:09:43,440 --> 01:09:45,396 Champagne in the icebox. 1108 01:09:45,480 --> 01:09:47,436 Sorry, er... What did you say? 1109 01:09:48,560 --> 01:09:50,437 So sorry, I didn't quite get that. 1110 01:09:51,480 --> 01:09:53,436 What sort of clothes will I need? 1111 01:09:54,720 --> 01:09:56,233 Nothing at all. 1112 01:09:57,280 --> 01:09:59,236 Oh, I see. When I get there. 1113 01:10:00,840 --> 01:10:03,070 Oh, yes. I'm terribly excited, tell him. 1114 01:10:04,200 --> 01:10:06,156 Midnight? Tonight? 1115 01:10:07,600 --> 01:10:09,556 Oh, yes, of course I'll be there. 1116 01:10:11,040 --> 01:10:12,996 Thank you. Goodbye. 1117 01:10:13,080 --> 01:10:15,992 Oh, Simon, darling! 1118 01:10:18,600 --> 01:10:21,239 - You're late. - I very nearly didn't get here at all. 1119 01:10:21,320 --> 01:10:24,471 I had a terrible journey, a terrible day and I'm in a terrible mood. 1120 01:10:24,560 --> 01:10:27,438 Well, I've had a fabulous day and I'm in a fabulous mood. 1121 01:10:27,520 --> 01:10:29,909 Well, bully for you. What's so fabulous about it? 1122 01:10:30,000 --> 01:10:31,194 Charming! 1123 01:10:31,280 --> 01:10:32,679 Oh, well. 1124 01:10:33,720 --> 01:10:35,676 Oh, Simon, don't look so miserable. 1125 01:10:35,760 --> 01:10:37,830 Well, I am miserable. 1126 01:10:37,920 --> 01:10:40,878 Well, you just stay with it, then, because I am going to pack. 1127 01:10:40,960 --> 01:10:42,916 Pack? 1128 01:10:43,000 --> 01:10:44,956 Where are you going? 1129 01:10:45,040 --> 01:10:49,113 I go, my lord, to the Eternal City. 1130 01:10:49,200 --> 01:10:50,872 You have to be kidding, of course. 1131 01:10:50,960 --> 01:10:54,236 No. I leave on the midnight plane for Rome. 1132 01:10:54,320 --> 01:10:57,278 Arrivederci, Roma... 1133 01:10:57,360 --> 01:10:59,316 - Delia... - Si, caro? 1134 01:10:59,400 --> 01:11:02,949 Rome only means one thing to me: The Sorrows Of Salome. 1135 01:11:03,040 --> 01:11:04,996 Hm, does it? 1136 01:11:06,580 --> 01:11:10,812 Yes, it does. Have you been having another bash at that midget movie magnate? 1137 01:11:10,900 --> 01:11:13,095 Supposing I had. Would you mind? 1138 01:11:13,180 --> 01:11:15,136 Yes, I would. Very much indeed. 1139 01:11:15,220 --> 01:11:18,098 - Anyway, I'd say you needed your head testing. - Why? 1140 01:11:18,180 --> 01:11:20,853 He only wants you as a personal handmaiden. I know the type. 1141 01:11:20,940 --> 01:11:24,649 Simon, don't be so disgusting. Anyway, it's got nothing to do with Mr. Heilbronn. 1142 01:11:24,740 --> 01:11:27,891 I am a model. It's just like being a doctor: I'm always on call. 1143 01:11:27,980 --> 01:11:29,698 That's what worries me. 1144 01:11:30,740 --> 01:11:32,093 How long will you be away for? 1145 01:11:32,180 --> 01:11:36,139 Oh, that depends on how many shows we have to do with the new collection. 1146 01:11:36,220 --> 01:11:39,815 Oh, do stop looking so Neolithic and get my suitcase for me. 1147 01:11:40,860 --> 01:11:42,816 Oh, Delia... 1148 01:11:42,900 --> 01:11:44,936 I didn't come here to help you to pack. 1149 01:11:45,980 --> 01:11:51,008 Well, if you help me to pack, darling, there'll be lots of time for what you really came for. 1150 01:11:51,100 --> 01:11:52,579 It's all in the oven. 1151 01:12:31,020 --> 01:12:32,772 Waiting for somebody, sir? 1152 01:12:32,860 --> 01:12:35,897 No, Officer. Just taking the air. 1153 01:12:37,900 --> 01:12:40,050 Ought to have brought an umbrella, sir. 1154 01:12:53,620 --> 01:12:55,451 Well, hello, Porker. 1155 01:12:56,500 --> 01:13:00,209 - Good gracious, it's you! - Yes, yes. Quite a coincidence. 1156 01:13:00,300 --> 01:13:02,370 - Are you looking for somebody? - Yes. 1157 01:13:02,460 --> 01:13:05,418 Oh. Well, you're making it rather difficult for yourself. 1158 01:13:05,500 --> 01:13:07,172 What? 1159 01:13:07,260 --> 01:13:09,410 Oh, you mean these. Just a touch of pink eye. 1160 01:13:09,500 --> 01:13:11,058 Oh, I'm sorry. 1161 01:13:11,140 --> 01:13:14,018 - It's much better. - Good. 1162 01:13:15,380 --> 01:13:16,574 You're wearing your... 1163 01:13:16,660 --> 01:13:20,619 Yes, yes, I'm treating somebody. What are you doing? 1164 01:13:20,700 --> 01:13:23,578 Oh, I'm just paying a call on an old friend. 1165 01:13:23,660 --> 01:13:25,616 - Oh, really? - Yes. 1166 01:13:25,700 --> 01:13:28,419 - Which flat? - Er... that one. 1167 01:13:29,460 --> 01:13:30,779 Oh. 1168 01:13:30,860 --> 01:13:33,055 Well, you'd better ring the bell, hadn't you? 1169 01:13:34,100 --> 01:13:36,056 Yes, I suppose I had. 1170 01:13:38,180 --> 01:13:40,136 Unless you've got a key. 1171 01:13:41,180 --> 01:13:44,092 Don't be so absurd. It's not that kind of friend. 1172 01:13:54,220 --> 01:13:56,575 No, no, no! Get away! 1173 01:13:57,940 --> 01:14:01,296 It's beasts like you who disgrace British railways! 1174 01:14:05,340 --> 01:14:07,774 - I ought to be getting ready. - Oh, shut up. 1175 01:14:07,860 --> 01:14:09,816 Oh... 1176 01:14:12,260 --> 01:14:16,538 This is the Camberwell sewage disposal unit. Can I help you? 1177 01:14:16,620 --> 01:14:19,293 Yes, this is Victoria 2191. 1178 01:14:22,420 --> 01:14:25,059 - What on earth's the matter? - What did you say? 1179 01:14:25,140 --> 01:14:27,096 - Who is it? - Be quiet. 1180 01:14:27,180 --> 01:14:29,250 Yes, I certainly did get that message. 1181 01:14:29,340 --> 01:14:30,932 - Tell me... - Will you be quiet? 1182 01:14:31,020 --> 01:14:32,533 And the same to you! 1183 01:14:33,580 --> 01:14:37,289 - Who was it? - So you are going to Rome to model dresses. 1184 01:14:37,380 --> 01:14:39,336 Well, yes, you know I am. 1185 01:14:39,420 --> 01:14:42,014 And you've never set eyes on Mr. Heilbronn. 1186 01:14:42,100 --> 01:14:44,568 - Was that him? - No, it wasn't Mr. Heilbronn. 1187 01:14:44,660 --> 01:14:48,289 But it was one of his blue alpaca-suited, frilly-shirted minions, 1188 01:14:48,380 --> 01:14:52,134 rounding up the harem with a car for the airport and and they want you. 1189 01:14:52,220 --> 01:14:54,176 Can you explain that? 1190 01:14:54,260 --> 01:14:56,216 For one dreadful moment... 1191 01:14:56,300 --> 01:14:58,256 I thought it had all fallen through. 1192 01:15:02,240 --> 01:15:05,357 - What? - Well, me. He still wants me. 1193 01:15:05,440 --> 01:15:07,396 Yeah, for the movies. 1194 01:15:07,480 --> 01:15:09,675 Look, I know you think I haven't got any talent. 1195 01:15:09,760 --> 01:15:12,320 You're very good at some things, but as an actress... 1196 01:15:12,400 --> 01:15:15,153 - You're jealous. - Jealous?! Me, jealous? 1197 01:15:15,240 --> 01:15:17,834 - Of that fat, paunchy, short-arsed... - And spiteful. 1198 01:15:17,920 --> 01:15:19,876 Spiteful. Ha! 1199 01:15:19,960 --> 01:15:23,509 Spiteful! I'm just boggling at the sheer gullibility of it all! 1200 01:15:24,560 --> 01:15:27,233 Do you really think you're going to get a part in this epic? 1201 01:15:27,320 --> 01:15:29,151 You're going to be one of thousands. 1202 01:15:29,240 --> 01:15:31,196 I shall be one in a thousand. 1203 01:15:31,280 --> 01:15:33,555 Mr. Heilbronn says I might be a discovery. 1204 01:15:33,640 --> 01:15:36,598 He says he's going to take me and mould me and make me. 1205 01:15:36,680 --> 01:15:39,638 That he will certainly try to do. 1206 01:15:39,720 --> 01:15:42,109 Mr. Heilbronn is a genius! 1207 01:15:45,800 --> 01:15:48,633 Listen, listen. I only want to protect you. 1208 01:15:48,720 --> 01:15:51,439 - I don't need protecting! - You do need protecting. 1209 01:15:51,520 --> 01:15:54,478 Oh... Go and pack your little black bag. 1210 01:15:54,560 --> 01:15:56,516 You come with me. 1211 01:16:04,120 --> 01:16:06,998 You want to get something for that or you'll be under the doctor! 1212 01:16:07,080 --> 01:16:08,877 I... 1213 01:16:15,480 --> 01:16:17,436 Look where you're going, man! 1214 01:16:18,480 --> 01:16:20,436 - You're drunk. - Hey, Rosie... 1215 01:16:20,520 --> 01:16:23,159 Would you like me to grow a nice bit of fungus like that? 1216 01:16:23,240 --> 01:16:25,196 Oh, I don't know. 1217 01:16:26,680 --> 01:16:29,433 Get out of my way! You're a disgrace to the Empire! 1218 01:16:31,640 --> 01:16:33,596 Oh, come on, love. 1219 01:16:36,600 --> 01:16:43,278 The train standing on platform two is the 1117 for Hampden Cross 1220 01:16:44,520 --> 01:16:48,354 But I've already explained, madam. I want a triple rum and aniseed. 1221 01:16:48,440 --> 01:16:50,874 Purely for medicinal purposes. I repeat... 1222 01:16:50,960 --> 01:16:53,997 You can repeat all night if you want, but we're closed. 1223 01:16:54,080 --> 01:16:56,469 But I need it! Rum! R-U-M! 1224 01:16:56,560 --> 01:16:58,869 S- H-U-T! Shut! 1225 01:17:08,280 --> 01:17:10,714 Oh, you can't, Rosie. Not till the train starts. 1226 01:17:10,800 --> 01:17:12,756 Oh, but I must. 1227 01:17:23,000 --> 01:17:24,149 - Simon. - Hello. 1228 01:17:24,240 --> 01:17:27,755 I say, I suppose you haven't got an aspirin, or better still, a hip flask? 1229 01:17:27,840 --> 01:17:29,671 No, I'm sorry. I'm off duty too. 1230 01:17:30,720 --> 01:17:32,312 Did you have a good day? 1231 01:17:32,400 --> 01:17:33,753 Splendid. 1232 01:17:33,840 --> 01:17:37,753 I've had nothing to eat, nothing to drink, I've been pestered by lunatic females, 1233 01:17:37,840 --> 01:17:40,798 moronic railway employees and drunken sailors. 1234 01:17:40,880 --> 01:17:44,839 I got soaked to the skin, and I've broken my umbrella. 1235 01:17:44,920 --> 01:17:47,514 And I made a fool of myself in front of the woman I love. 1236 01:17:48,600 --> 01:17:49,635 You met your rival. 1237 01:17:49,720 --> 01:17:52,154 There isn't one. She's perfectly innocent. 1238 01:17:52,240 --> 01:17:54,435 Serves me right for giving way to jealousy. 1239 01:17:54,520 --> 01:17:56,556 The sort of mistake you wouldn't have made. 1240 01:17:56,640 --> 01:17:59,791 No, that would be... absolutely fatal. 1241 01:17:59,880 --> 01:18:01,871 What do I do next? 1242 01:18:01,960 --> 01:18:05,111 Well, you have rather shown your hand, haven't you? 1243 01:18:06,400 --> 01:18:08,789 I think you'll just have to pop the question. 1244 01:18:08,880 --> 01:18:10,996 You mean a formal proposal. 1245 01:18:11,080 --> 01:18:13,719 I can't see what else you can do. 1246 01:18:15,240 --> 01:18:17,470 - You! - Well, if it isn't the beefer. 1247 01:18:17,560 --> 01:18:19,994 - How are you going, sport? - You can't come in here. 1248 01:18:20,080 --> 01:18:21,832 What is this? First class, then? 1249 01:18:21,920 --> 01:18:23,672 Indeed it is. 1250 01:18:23,760 --> 01:18:26,911 - Is that a bottle of rum? - Indeed it is. Would you like a slug? 1251 01:18:27,000 --> 01:18:29,230 - First class. - Help yourself, sport. 1252 01:18:30,280 --> 01:18:32,236 Help yourselves. 1253 01:18:39,320 --> 01:18:40,799 No, thank you very much. 1254 01:18:40,880 --> 01:18:43,030 Er... You were saying, Simon. 1255 01:18:43,120 --> 01:18:45,076 Mm? Oh, yes... 1256 01:18:45,160 --> 01:18:49,950 Well, now that you've tried the creeping barrage, I think you'd better try the frontal attack. 1257 01:18:51,040 --> 01:18:53,110 Hey, Rosie. Do you love me? 1258 01:18:53,200 --> 01:18:54,349 I don't know. 1259 01:18:54,440 --> 01:18:56,112 You mean straight out of the blue? 1260 01:18:56,200 --> 01:18:58,350 No, we must always exercise a little finesse. 1261 01:18:58,440 --> 01:19:00,396 Well... Do you like me? 1262 01:19:00,480 --> 01:19:02,038 I don't know. 1263 01:19:02,120 --> 01:19:04,680 And timing. Timing's very important. 1264 01:19:04,760 --> 01:19:07,911 Yes, I recognize that. But what do I actually say? 1265 01:19:08,000 --> 01:19:09,638 Do you like anyone else, then? 1266 01:19:09,720 --> 01:19:10,994 I don't know. 1267 01:19:11,080 --> 01:19:14,231 You can't sort of put a girl in a corner and boldly come out with it. 1268 01:19:14,320 --> 01:19:16,276 Hell, Rosie! Will you marry me? 1269 01:19:16,360 --> 01:19:19,352 - I don't mind! - You little beauty! 1270 01:19:24,560 --> 01:19:26,516 I have asked you here, my love, 1271 01:19:26,600 --> 01:19:29,751 in order to tell you that, for some time past... 1272 01:19:30,960 --> 01:19:32,916 Well... 1273 01:19:33,000 --> 01:19:35,639 Every look I have... cherished... 1274 01:19:36,680 --> 01:19:38,636 Mm, cherished. 1275 01:19:38,720 --> 01:19:41,996 Your every gesture I have interpreted with hope... 1276 01:19:43,040 --> 01:19:46,828 ...and your every move I've had carefully watched. No, blast it. I don't mean that. 1277 01:19:46,920 --> 01:19:49,309 I have asked you here. 1278 01:19:50,360 --> 01:19:52,316 Yes, Lancelot? 1279 01:19:52,400 --> 01:19:54,356 Why have you asked me here? 1280 01:19:56,240 --> 01:19:58,959 - I have asked you here... - Yes? 1281 01:19:59,040 --> 01:20:03,750 I have asked you here because it is the only damn place I can get any privacy in this hospital! 1282 01:20:03,840 --> 01:20:05,796 You were saying? 1283 01:20:07,400 --> 01:20:10,233 I have to perform a very tricky operation, ma'am. 1284 01:20:11,280 --> 01:20:12,679 A heart operation. 1285 01:20:12,760 --> 01:20:14,557 Iris... 1286 01:20:14,640 --> 01:20:19,111 I am no longer, by the world's standards, a young man. 1287 01:20:20,520 --> 01:20:24,308 The er... prime of life might be a better description. 1288 01:20:25,760 --> 01:20:27,716 Er... 1289 01:20:28,760 --> 01:20:32,036 You could, of course, do over the bedroom to your own taste, 1290 01:20:32,120 --> 01:20:34,475 and invite your mother to stay once a year. 1291 01:20:34,560 --> 01:20:36,596 That is, indeed, if you have one. 1292 01:20:36,680 --> 01:20:38,432 Lancelot... 1293 01:20:38,520 --> 01:20:40,033 Are you proposing to me? 1294 01:20:40,120 --> 01:20:43,271 Well, I'm not lecturing to the Royal College of Surgeons! 1295 01:20:43,360 --> 01:20:45,316 But, erm... 1296 01:20:45,400 --> 01:20:47,391 Do you love me, Porker? 1297 01:20:49,800 --> 01:20:51,552 Passionately. 1298 01:20:51,640 --> 01:20:53,596 I love you deeply and sincerely. 1299 01:20:53,680 --> 01:20:56,592 And have the honor of asking you to become my wife. 1300 01:20:56,680 --> 01:20:58,636 Well... 1301 01:20:58,720 --> 01:21:00,756 It's quite a compliment. 1302 01:21:00,840 --> 01:21:02,558 You accept, of course? 1303 01:21:02,640 --> 01:21:06,076 Oh, I appreciate it, but it's a big step. 1304 01:21:06,160 --> 01:21:07,752 You must give me time. 1305 01:21:07,840 --> 01:21:10,229 Damn it, woman! It's marriage I'm offering you! 1306 01:21:10,320 --> 01:21:14,233 You can't ask for time like somebody who owes the landlord for last quarter's rent. 1307 01:21:16,080 --> 01:21:17,832 Aren't you fond of me? 1308 01:21:17,920 --> 01:21:20,150 Oh, I am, I am! 1309 01:21:21,440 --> 01:21:24,477 I'll give you my answer when I'm more sure of it. 1310 01:21:33,000 --> 01:21:35,195 Iris! Help! I'm stuck! 1311 01:21:35,280 --> 01:21:36,952 Oh! 1312 01:21:43,200 --> 01:21:46,112 Oh, no, it's no good. You're too heavy for me. I'll get help. 1313 01:21:47,800 --> 01:21:50,394 Oooh! Ow! Oooh! 1314 01:21:50,480 --> 01:21:52,869 Should I get a male nurse or a plumber? 1315 01:21:52,960 --> 01:21:56,077 Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! 1316 01:22:06,000 --> 01:22:08,230 - Pig! - Sonja! 1317 01:22:08,320 --> 01:22:10,993 And you do not come here again! You make me to be sick! 1318 01:22:16,920 --> 01:22:20,549 Get out of here, you lousy... 1319 01:22:20,640 --> 01:22:21,959 rude pig! 1320 01:22:25,000 --> 01:22:26,115 Get out! 1321 01:22:32,040 --> 01:22:33,155 Oh, you...! 1322 01:22:34,240 --> 01:22:35,912 Ow! 1323 01:22:36,000 --> 01:22:38,309 Oh! I'm sorry! 1324 01:22:38,400 --> 01:22:39,913 I hit the wrong gentleman. 1325 01:22:44,400 --> 01:22:46,356 Don't mention it. 1326 01:22:48,080 --> 01:22:49,638 It's an easy thing to do. 1327 01:22:51,200 --> 01:22:52,792 Thank you. 1328 01:22:53,840 --> 01:22:55,432 Er, excuse me. 1329 01:22:55,520 --> 01:22:57,476 - Have you come to see me? - No. 1330 01:22:57,560 --> 01:23:01,235 I just came to collect some things that I'd left here. 1331 01:23:01,320 --> 01:23:03,675 I didn't know that Delia - Miss Mallory - had... 1332 01:23:03,760 --> 01:23:05,716 Oh, yes, I have let her flat. 1333 01:23:05,800 --> 01:23:07,756 Come in. 1334 01:23:09,000 --> 01:23:10,956 Come in, please. 1335 01:23:12,480 --> 01:23:15,597 - You know Miss Mallory very much? - Well, no. 1336 01:23:15,680 --> 01:23:18,831 She used to give me the odd shakedown when I was in London on business. 1337 01:23:18,920 --> 01:23:20,876 Shakedown? 1338 01:23:20,960 --> 01:23:24,953 Oh, yes. You shake yourself down often? 1339 01:23:26,040 --> 01:23:28,918 - Not by myself. - That's good. 1340 01:23:29,000 --> 01:23:30,956 That man... 1341 01:23:31,040 --> 01:23:33,474 all build-up, no shakedown. 1342 01:23:33,560 --> 01:23:35,516 Oh. 1343 01:23:35,600 --> 01:23:37,272 Do you want some nuts? 1344 01:23:37,360 --> 01:23:38,759 Nuts? No, thank you. No. 1345 01:23:38,840 --> 01:23:40,876 You should. Healthy. 1346 01:23:40,960 --> 01:23:42,313 Sit. 1347 01:23:43,360 --> 01:23:44,349 Thank you. 1348 01:23:48,080 --> 01:23:50,719 - Oh, you are bruised! - No, no. I am sure it's very... 1349 01:23:50,800 --> 01:23:53,439 - I will treat to it. - You what? 1350 01:23:53,520 --> 01:23:54,873 I will treat to it. 1351 01:23:54,960 --> 01:23:56,791 There's no necessity, I promise you. 1352 01:23:56,880 --> 01:24:00,350 But I am a masseuse, you know. Take off the garments and I will massage you. 1353 01:24:00,440 --> 01:24:03,159 If you don't mind, I'd rather keep them where they are. 1354 01:24:03,240 --> 01:24:04,878 I am strong. Feel. 1355 01:24:07,680 --> 01:24:09,238 It's wonderful. 1356 01:24:10,280 --> 01:24:12,236 And this. 1357 01:24:14,200 --> 01:24:16,156 Terrific. 1358 01:24:18,160 --> 01:24:20,116 Could I have a glass of water, please? 1359 01:24:20,200 --> 01:24:22,760 Yes. Water is purging. 1360 01:24:22,840 --> 01:24:24,193 I'll fetch it. 1361 01:24:32,440 --> 01:24:34,396 I left some things here. 1362 01:24:34,480 --> 01:24:36,436 Funny, so did I. 1363 01:24:43,560 --> 01:24:45,516 Er... Can I give you a hand? 1364 01:24:45,600 --> 01:24:48,273 Oh, thank you very much. It's very kind of you. 1365 01:24:50,160 --> 01:24:52,116 - There we are. - Thank you. 1366 01:24:53,960 --> 01:24:57,032 - Is that heavy? - Just a bit. 1367 01:25:22,880 --> 01:25:24,836 Some men, I don't think... 1368 01:25:24,920 --> 01:25:26,876 Do you think? 1369 01:25:26,960 --> 01:25:29,713 - I think you're some woman. - I am liking you, too. 1370 01:25:29,800 --> 01:25:33,395 You are skinny but have the lovable, no? 1371 01:25:34,600 --> 01:25:36,352 Well, erm... 1372 01:25:36,440 --> 01:25:39,830 - You do not think I have the lovable? - Oh, yes, you have the lovable. 1373 01:25:39,920 --> 01:25:41,353 And you're not skinny, either. 1374 01:25:41,440 --> 01:25:43,715 - And now I massage your bruise. - My what? 1375 01:25:43,800 --> 01:25:46,155 Your bruise. You take off the trouserings. 1376 01:25:46,240 --> 01:25:50,313 The trouserings are perfectly all right where they are, thank you very much. 1377 01:25:50,400 --> 01:25:54,109 So English! But where I come from, we all take off the trouserings. 1378 01:25:54,200 --> 01:25:55,758 Right. You start. 1379 01:25:55,840 --> 01:25:57,796 Yes. 1380 01:26:09,360 --> 01:26:12,432 - Good evening, Sister. - Oh, good evening, Dr. Sparrow. 1381 01:26:12,520 --> 01:26:14,033 She's pulling round. 1382 01:26:14,120 --> 01:26:16,509 - Have you heard today's results? - Yes. 1383 01:26:24,000 --> 01:26:26,150 Have you ever had an operation? 1384 01:26:26,240 --> 01:26:29,073 Not a big one. Just an impacted wisdom tooth. 1385 01:26:30,480 --> 01:26:32,436 I must get my teeth seen to. 1386 01:26:32,520 --> 01:26:36,035 After this, it's silly to be frightened of the dentist. 1387 01:26:37,760 --> 01:26:40,718 Frank can't stand women with false teeth. 1388 01:26:40,800 --> 01:26:44,190 - Even old women. - You're not old at all. 1389 01:26:46,120 --> 01:26:47,872 Was the operation all right? 1390 01:26:47,960 --> 01:26:50,474 Yes. The operation was fine. 1391 01:26:50,560 --> 01:26:52,516 - You said it would be. - Did I? 1392 01:26:54,160 --> 01:26:56,674 You can't always believe what doctors tell you. 1393 01:26:56,760 --> 01:26:58,716 Mary, I'm not a doctor yet. 1394 01:26:58,800 --> 01:27:00,756 As good as. 1395 01:27:00,840 --> 01:27:02,796 I believe you, anyway. 1396 01:27:03,880 --> 01:27:05,598 Do you want another drink? 1397 01:27:08,480 --> 01:27:10,789 I'm going to get quite well, aren't I? 1398 01:27:12,160 --> 01:27:13,798 Without question. 1399 01:27:13,880 --> 01:27:15,836 Quite well. 1400 01:27:15,920 --> 01:27:18,559 But I'm afraid you're going to have a whacking great scar. 1401 01:27:18,640 --> 01:27:21,871 - Oh, I don't mind that. - Well it won't show. 1402 01:27:21,960 --> 01:27:24,793 By the time you're a granny, you'll forget you ever had it. 1403 01:27:26,280 --> 01:27:28,191 I think it's time you went to sleep now. 1404 01:27:28,280 --> 01:27:32,239 I'll get Sister to give you an injection. You won't mind that, will you? 1405 01:27:45,440 --> 01:27:48,398 - It's not easy but we have to do it always. - But, sir... 1406 01:27:48,480 --> 01:27:51,040 - There's no "but" about it. - Sir, I couldn't tell her. 1407 01:27:51,120 --> 01:27:53,588 - Because all the time I knew for certain. - Do you? 1408 01:27:53,680 --> 01:27:56,592 You don't know anything for certain. Nor do I. Nor does anybody. 1409 01:27:56,680 --> 01:27:59,558 - How can there be any doubt? - There's always doubt. 1410 01:27:59,640 --> 01:28:02,996 We could be wrong about what we found today. We could be right. 1411 01:28:03,080 --> 01:28:06,038 But tomorrow there might be a discovery which could save her. 1412 01:28:06,120 --> 01:28:08,873 h six months' time, she could be run over by a bus. 1413 01:28:08,960 --> 01:28:11,076 h a year's time we could be blown up. 1414 01:28:12,560 --> 01:28:15,438 In two years' time you could be a very good doctor. 1415 01:28:15,520 --> 01:28:18,273 But we can't be certain about anything. 1416 01:28:19,480 --> 01:28:21,436 - Get it? - Yes, sir. 1417 01:28:21,520 --> 01:28:23,476 Well, remember it. 1418 01:28:44,520 --> 01:28:46,476 Aah! My little Simon! 1419 01:28:52,960 --> 01:28:54,916 Come in. 1420 01:28:57,200 --> 01:28:59,156 - You are well? - Yes. 1421 01:28:59,240 --> 01:29:01,196 Good. Strong? 1422 01:29:01,280 --> 01:29:03,919 - Yes. - That's good. 1423 01:29:05,480 --> 01:29:08,233 - What is that you bring? - This I bring is a bottle. 1424 01:29:08,320 --> 01:29:10,276 Oh, I see. 1425 01:29:10,360 --> 01:29:12,874 - Alcohol? - It has alcohol in it. 1426 01:29:13,920 --> 01:29:16,753 You know, of this I do not approve. It's weakening. 1427 01:29:18,000 --> 01:29:20,560 It's supposed to be a tonic, taken in moderation. 1428 01:29:20,640 --> 01:29:22,596 With me you do not need the tonic. 1429 01:29:27,080 --> 01:29:29,719 - Ah. - Ah. There are two points of view on that. 1430 01:29:32,360 --> 01:29:34,316 Oh! 1431 01:29:34,400 --> 01:29:37,517 There. We have the grapefruiting juice. 1432 01:29:39,800 --> 01:29:41,756 You've set for three. 1433 01:29:41,840 --> 01:29:44,115 Oh, yes, yes. I did not tell. 1434 01:29:45,320 --> 01:29:47,709 It is my sister, Helga. She is visiting with me. 1435 01:29:47,800 --> 01:29:49,518 Is she like you? 1436 01:29:49,600 --> 01:29:53,354 Yes, we are twin sets. But we are very close. We share everything together. 1437 01:29:53,440 --> 01:29:56,750 - What? - But you will like her. 1438 01:29:56,840 --> 01:29:58,398 She is strong like me. 1439 01:29:58,480 --> 01:30:00,789 At home she teaches the physical culturings. 1440 01:30:01,840 --> 01:30:03,796 And she will like you. 1441 01:30:05,680 --> 01:30:07,636 Yes, she will like you, too. 1442 01:30:07,720 --> 01:30:09,676 Have you got any more sisters? 1443 01:30:09,760 --> 01:30:11,352 Oh, yes! 1444 01:30:11,440 --> 01:30:14,318 At home, Ilse... Ilse is the baby. 1445 01:30:14,400 --> 01:30:17,039 - She is a police cons-table - A what? 1446 01:30:17,120 --> 01:30:18,792 Police cons-table. 1447 01:30:18,880 --> 01:30:21,189 How delightful. 1448 01:30:23,480 --> 01:30:25,835 Mm! That will be Helga. 1449 01:30:25,920 --> 01:30:29,117 Let her in, please. I will get the grapefruit juicing. 1450 01:30:39,440 --> 01:30:42,398 Ah... You are the sparrow. 1451 01:30:42,480 --> 01:30:45,472 - Er, yes. - Sonja tells me about you. 1452 01:30:45,560 --> 01:30:48,916 She says you have a lovable. Have you? 1453 01:30:49,000 --> 01:30:51,070 Apparently, yes. 1454 01:30:51,160 --> 01:30:53,116 - We will see later, no? - Yes. 1455 01:30:53,200 --> 01:30:55,475 Helga! I am here! 1456 01:30:55,560 --> 01:30:58,358 Good. I have the hunger. 1457 01:31:11,800 --> 01:31:14,030 - Are you liking my sister? - She is charming. 1458 01:31:14,120 --> 01:31:17,396 She is liking you, too. We have the agreeable evening, yes? 1459 01:31:19,560 --> 01:31:21,516 Yes, please? 1460 01:31:21,600 --> 01:31:23,079 Ilse! 1461 01:31:23,160 --> 01:31:26,072 Where are you? In London? 1462 01:31:26,160 --> 01:31:28,310 Come round at once! Helga! 1463 01:31:28,400 --> 01:31:30,356 Is little Ilse! 1464 01:31:30,440 --> 01:31:32,396 Ilse! 1465 01:31:56,920 --> 01:32:00,435 Simon! It's Ilse! She is coming! 1466 01:32:04,880 --> 01:32:06,836 Simon? 1467 01:32:11,680 --> 01:32:13,830 W- What's wrong with the English? 1468 01:32:19,920 --> 01:32:22,070 We want to see some engagement rings, please. 1469 01:32:22,160 --> 01:32:23,752 Not too expensive ones now, Simon. 1470 01:32:23,840 --> 01:32:26,877 Congratulations, sir. I am sure we can tempt Father's generosity. 1471 01:32:26,960 --> 01:32:31,351 Don't be impertinent! I'm not his father and the ring's for me! 1472 01:32:31,440 --> 01:32:33,510 A perfectly natural mistake, Lancelot. 1473 01:32:33,600 --> 01:32:37,149 Ah, I understand. May I get the size of your finger, please? 1474 01:32:37,240 --> 01:32:41,791 You'll get my hand across your face if you don't hurry up and show me some diamonds. 1475 01:32:41,880 --> 01:32:44,235 When are you going to give it to Iris? 1476 01:32:44,320 --> 01:32:46,276 - Tomorrow. - No regrets? 1477 01:32:46,360 --> 01:32:47,998 Oh, in for a penny, in for a pound. 1478 01:32:48,080 --> 01:32:50,992 I shouldn't have got this far if it hadn't been for your help. 1479 01:32:51,080 --> 01:32:54,868 Well, after this, you can help me. I'm going to a flat to pick up some things. 1480 01:32:54,960 --> 01:32:57,394 - If I can be of any assistance. - I need protection. 1481 01:32:57,480 --> 01:33:00,153 The flat is guarded by three man-eating females. 1482 01:33:03,640 --> 01:33:05,596 Oh, it's you. 1483 01:33:05,680 --> 01:33:07,636 Did you forget something? 1484 01:33:07,720 --> 01:33:10,757 I just dropped by to pick up some of the things I left behind. 1485 01:33:10,840 --> 01:33:13,991 Er, Sonja, this is Sir Lancelot Spratt. Miss Stromberg. 1486 01:33:14,080 --> 01:33:16,036 How are you doing? 1487 01:33:17,800 --> 01:33:19,756 Come in, please. 1488 01:33:22,160 --> 01:33:25,197 - Have you any sisters about? - No, they have gone home. 1489 01:33:25,280 --> 01:33:27,794 - Oh, what a shame. - Him you have met. 1490 01:33:27,880 --> 01:33:29,916 It is now my fianc�. 1491 01:33:30,000 --> 01:33:31,991 There seems to be an epidemic. 1492 01:33:32,080 --> 01:33:34,036 You are a friend of Simon's? 1493 01:33:34,120 --> 01:33:36,076 - Yes. - Sit. 1494 01:33:37,240 --> 01:33:38,992 You are old. That's good. 1495 01:33:40,040 --> 01:33:42,634 Simon needs the company of wise old men. 1496 01:33:42,720 --> 01:33:46,156 He smokes and drink s himself too much. This is not good. 1497 01:33:46,240 --> 01:33:49,676 I used to tell him when we were shaking ourselves down together. 1498 01:33:49,760 --> 01:33:50,715 Indeed? 1499 01:33:50,800 --> 01:33:53,360 She is a remarkable woman. 1500 01:33:53,440 --> 01:33:55,237 She's a masseuse. 1501 01:33:55,320 --> 01:33:57,470 Physi-o-therapy. 1502 01:33:57,560 --> 01:34:00,393 We masseuses are strong. Strong in arm, 1503 01:34:00,480 --> 01:34:02,471 - strong in mind no? - Madam. 1504 01:34:03,560 --> 01:34:05,516 And he is strong, too. 1505 01:34:05,600 --> 01:34:07,556 But not like me. 1506 01:34:07,640 --> 01:34:10,871 After we married, he leads a new life. I change everything. 1507 01:34:10,960 --> 01:34:13,394 His ideas, his habits - everything! 1508 01:34:13,480 --> 01:34:15,436 That is what women do. 1509 01:34:16,480 --> 01:34:19,074 Otherwise they are losing their personalities. 1510 01:34:20,120 --> 01:34:22,918 - You are married? - Not yet. 1511 01:34:23,000 --> 01:34:27,835 If you were married, your wife would make you do exercise every day for your big stomaching. 1512 01:34:28,880 --> 01:34:30,757 It's too big! 1513 01:34:30,840 --> 01:34:32,796 You should eat nuts, not meat. 1514 01:34:32,880 --> 01:34:34,632 For him, no meat, never. 1515 01:34:35,680 --> 01:34:37,796 Nuts make virility. 1516 01:34:37,880 --> 01:34:39,711 That I demand. 1517 01:34:42,240 --> 01:34:43,992 Thank you, no. 1518 01:34:44,080 --> 01:34:46,036 Thank you, yes 1519 01:34:49,240 --> 01:34:51,470 You will not marry yourself now. 1520 01:34:51,560 --> 01:34:53,516 You would not like change. 1521 01:34:53,600 --> 01:34:55,830 And change you would have. 1522 01:34:55,920 --> 01:34:57,876 All women do it. 1523 01:34:59,160 --> 01:35:01,116 Not all men are liking it. 1524 01:35:02,160 --> 01:35:03,957 Madam, I'm inclined to agree with you. 1525 01:35:05,000 --> 01:35:07,673 It's no use, Simon. I've been thrashing it out all night. 1526 01:35:07,760 --> 01:35:11,309 You can't chuck everything up, after all the help I've given you. 1527 01:35:11,400 --> 01:35:13,960 I know. I'm awfully grateful, but... 1528 01:35:15,160 --> 01:35:17,549 Well... Here, you take that. 1529 01:35:17,640 --> 01:35:20,108 You probably know somebody who'd like it. 1530 01:35:21,560 --> 01:35:23,198 Oh, good morning. 1531 01:35:23,280 --> 01:35:26,158 Good morning. I want to have a word with you, if I may. 1532 01:35:26,240 --> 01:35:28,196 I'm afraid I'm busy, Lancelot. 1533 01:35:28,280 --> 01:35:30,555 - He can wait, can't he? - What do you mean? 1534 01:35:30,640 --> 01:35:32,471 Hey, now, look here, old chap. 1535 01:35:32,560 --> 01:35:35,472 I'm having my treatment! You can't push me around like this! 1536 01:35:35,560 --> 01:35:36,993 That's just exactly what I can. 1537 01:35:38,080 --> 01:35:40,958 Help, somebody! Help, Sister! Nurse! 1538 01:35:41,040 --> 01:35:43,349 Hey, hey! Sergeant Major! 1539 01:35:43,440 --> 01:35:45,590 Dr. Sparrow, stop this damn thing! 1540 01:35:45,680 --> 01:35:47,989 - Where's the fire? - Get me back in there! 1541 01:35:48,080 --> 01:35:51,356 And what impertinence. Refusing me? 1542 01:35:51,440 --> 01:35:53,396 Well, you see, I love somebody else. 1543 01:35:53,480 --> 01:35:56,119 Might one enquire the name of this whippersnapper? 1544 01:35:56,200 --> 01:35:58,589 - Him. - Simon?! 1545 01:35:58,680 --> 01:36:00,238 - What? - No, no. 1546 01:36:00,320 --> 01:36:01,673 Him. 1547 01:36:01,760 --> 01:36:03,830 You snake in the grass! 1548 01:36:03,920 --> 01:36:06,673 By Jericho, sir, if I had the use of my legs, I'd... 1549 01:36:08,760 --> 01:36:10,955 Somebody stop this ruddy thing! 1550 01:36:11,040 --> 01:36:13,156 Hey! Get out of the way! 1551 01:36:17,600 --> 01:36:19,750 Let me get at him! 1552 01:36:20,800 --> 01:36:23,872 But he needs me, Porker. He loves me. 1553 01:36:23,960 --> 01:36:27,032 - But it's not allowed. Not with a patient. - It is if you marry them. 1554 01:36:27,120 --> 01:36:28,394 Let me near the villain! 1555 01:36:31,640 --> 01:36:33,312 - Major French. - Hm? 1556 01:36:33,400 --> 01:36:34,549 You're walking. 1557 01:36:34,640 --> 01:36:36,596 What? 1558 01:36:39,120 --> 01:36:40,758 Good grief. 1559 01:36:41,800 --> 01:36:43,756 Whoa... 1560 01:36:43,840 --> 01:36:48,152 Tommy! I knew your legs would get better! What a marvelous surprise! 1561 01:36:48,240 --> 01:36:50,913 Well, there's plenty more where that came from! 1562 01:37:02,840 --> 01:37:05,638 Dr. Sparrow... you're wanted, sir, urgently. 1563 01:37:05,720 --> 01:37:07,676 Excuse me. 1564 01:37:09,720 --> 01:37:13,599 Well, I don't know what to say on these occasions, but I know what to do. 1565 01:37:14,640 --> 01:37:16,710 Yes, well, th-th-that's plenty, sir. 1566 01:37:20,760 --> 01:37:23,957 - What kind of a case is it? - I haven't seen anything quite like it, sir. 1567 01:37:24,040 --> 01:37:26,110 - You mean three heads. - No, poodles. 1568 01:37:26,200 --> 01:37:27,952 - Poodles? - Yes, sir. Pink. 1569 01:37:28,040 --> 01:37:29,678 Have you been at the ether? 1570 01:37:37,160 --> 01:37:38,115 Delia. 1571 01:37:38,200 --> 01:37:40,395 Ciao, caro! 1572 01:37:40,480 --> 01:37:42,675 Ciao. What happened? 1573 01:37:42,760 --> 01:37:46,878 - Didn't you get the part? - No, I just got most of the presents. 1574 01:37:46,960 --> 01:37:48,916 So I can see. 1575 01:37:49,000 --> 01:37:50,956 All right. 1576 01:37:51,040 --> 01:37:52,473 What are you doing here? 1577 01:37:52,560 --> 01:37:55,552 - I've come to get my latchkey. Have you got it? - Yes, I have. 1578 01:37:55,640 --> 01:37:57,596 And I think I'm going to keep it. 1579 01:37:59,280 --> 01:38:01,635 - What are you doing? - Well, as a matter of fact, 1580 01:38:01,720 --> 01:38:03,711 I'm waiting for you to drive me up to London, 1581 01:38:03,800 --> 01:38:07,236 because by a fabulous coincidence, I've got the evening off. 122870

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