All language subtitles for Diary.Of.A.Country.Priest.1951.DVDRip.XviD-FRAGMENT

From the NoveI by
GEORGES BERNANOS

DIARY OF A COUNTRY PRI EST

ScreenpIay, Adaptation and Direction by
ROBERT BRESSON

/ don't think /'m doing anything wrong
in writing down daiIy,

with absoIute frankness,

the simpIest
and most insignificant secrets

of a Iife actuaIIy Iacking
any trace of mystery,

My parish, My first parish,

Must / beIieve
that it's onIy for duty's sake

that / refuse to acknowIedge
my poor heaIth?

My bicycIe is very usefuI,

but / can't ride uphiII on an empty
stomach without feeIing faint,

/ deIiberateIy cut out
meat and vegetabIes,

eating onIy smaII quantities of
wine-soaked bread whenever / feeI dizzy,

/ add a Iot of sugar to the wine,

/ Iet my bread harden
for severaI days,

Thanks to this diet,
my head is cIear,

and / feeI much stronger,

OId Fabregars came
to the sacristy this morning,

Aside from the fee for my time,

God knows, Mr, Fabregars,

I'd Iike you to have use
of the draperies for free,

I shouId think so,

A Iot of oId moth-eaten rags
heId together by patches,

What couId they have cost?
- CandIes are very expensive,

You do have a soft time of it,

There's no excuse
for expIoiting the poor,

You Iike your money easy, Father,

We charge everyone the same,

As I see it, it's simpIe:

I ask one thing, It's onIy just,

Let my poor oId wife
be buried decentIy,

The usuaI service,

And for that I'II not pay
a penny more, you hear?

/ was stiII distraught
when / went to see the priest of Torcy,

God, / wish / had
his heaIth and mentaI baIance,i

You shouId have
shown him the door,

Yes, shown him the door,

Besides, I know Fabregars,

The oId guy has pIenty,

You young priests!

What have you young men
got in your veins these days?

In my time
they made men of the church,

Ieaders of parishes, reaI masters!

Seminaries these days
send us choirboys,

young ragamuffins who think
they're working harder than anyone

because they never manage
to finish anything,

At the first sign of difficuIty,

they say the priesthood isn't what
they expected and drop everything,

I wiII not drop everything,
I assure you,

Besides exterminating the deviI,

your other dream is to be Ioved
for who you are,

A true priest is never Ioved,

The church doesn't care a whit
whether you're Ioved, my son,

Be respected, obeyed,

Keep order aII day Iong,

knowing fuII weII disorder
wiII win out tomorrow,

because in this sorry worId,
the night undoes the work of the day,

''Keep order aII day Iong, ''

The priest of Torcy's
words came back to me

as / peeIed potatoes for my soup,

The right-hand man
came up from behind,

Good news, Father,

I'm getting eIectric Iight?

The counciI agreed to your request,

It wiII instaII eIectricity for you
at its own expense,

There remain
just the usuaI formaIities,

- WiII it take Iong?
- Two or three months, Four at the most,

/'d have Ioved to teII him
a thing or two about his cabaret,

He puts on a dance every sunday

and caIIs it ''The FamiIies'BaII, ''

where boys have fun
getting young girIs drunk,

Good day, Father,

/ didn't dare,

The simpIest tasks
are by no means the easiest,

An awfuI night,

As soon as / cIosed my eyes,
sadness overwheImed me,

/'d have done anything this morning
for a word of compassion or kindness,

/ was expecting a Iot
from catechism cIass,

the chiIdren preparing
for hoIy communion,

The girIs had given me hope,
especiaIIy s�raphita DumoucheI,

Communion is

to re - to receive -

How about you?

It's to receive -

ReceiveJesus
in the sacrament of the Eucharist,

And how did He estabIish
the Eucharist?

To estabIish the Eucharist,

Jesus broke bread and gave it
to His discipIes, saying,

''Take and eat, This is My body,''

He took wine and said,
''Take and drink, This is My bIood,

Do this in remembrance of Me,''

That wiII do for today's cIass,
S�raphita, come forward for a good mark,

The others may go,

Are you anxious
to make your communion?

Why not?

It'II come soon enough,

Yet you understand me,
and you Iisten so weII,

It's because
you have such beautifuI eyes,

They had pIotted it together,

But why such hostiIity?
What had / done to them?

Miss Louise
attends hoIy mass every day,

Without her,
the church wouId be empty,

Her position as governess at the manor
dictates a certain distance between us,

This morning she buried
her face in her hands,

but at the bIessing,
/ couId see she'd been crying,

You must feeI very IoneIy,

Her Iadyship is very kind,

but Miss ChantaI enjoys humiIiating me
and treats me Iike a servant,

Is she your onIy pupiI?

The countess had a son, but he died,
She adored him,

No one at the manor
ever mentions him,

I'II caII on the count next Thursday,

This visit to the manor
has me quite worried,

A good first impression
couId speII success for my pIans

for a youth cIub
and sports program,

The count's influence and weaIth
couId heIp me to achieve them,

The Iand is barren
and the barn empty,

That's true,

I'm not saying no, Father,
but give me time to think it over,

He's said to be hard on his farmers,
and he's no modeI parishioner,

Why has he so quickIy become
the so desperateIy rare

friend, aIIy and companion?

Mrs, Pegriot wiII prepare it for you,
I've Iet her know,

/ didn't dare teII him
my stomach onIy toIerates dry bread,

/ won't taste his rabbit stew,

for which /'II have to pay
the housekeeper a haIf day's wages,

/ couId have a choirboy take it
to oId Mrs, Ferrant, she'd be deIighted,

Father, I approve of aII your ideas,

Oh, my ideas,

But I warn you against
putting them into practice,

I don't foIIow,

The peopIe here are maIicious,

BeIieve me, I know,

If I may offer a bit of advice,

weII, don't be in too much of a hurry,

Don't show your hand at once,

Let them take the first step,
There is no urgency,

It's just that these things
are dear to my heart,

As for my Iand and my barn,

I wouIdn't discourage you,

We'II discuss them Iater

when we get down to working out
something practicaI together,

You're not Iooking at aII weII,

You shouId take care of your heaIth,

My stomach is very temperamentaI,

I hesitate, sir,
to mention your daughter,

My daughter?
What is the matter?

I'm concerned about her sadness,

Her face is far from cheerfuI,

There is something hard
and rigid in her expression

far beyond her years,

ChantaI sad?
You must be joking,

CouId someone be rubbing her
the wrong way?

WouId a IittIe more understanding
from Miss Louise -

You're mad,

The mention of Miss Louise's name
seemed to upset him terribIy,

His face hardened,

Why?

/ seized the first opportunity
to return to the manor,,,

a decision / had arrived at quickIy,

The servant was
severaI moments in coming,

/ was sure /'d meet the count,

who was usuaIIy at the manor
Thursday afternoons,

But / met the countess instead,

/ must have surprised her,

Am I disturbing you?

Not at aII,

/ knew she was withdrawn

and entireIy absorbed
in the memory ofher dead chiId,

she approached,
motioning to a chair,

On seeing you, I feIt you had come
with some purpose in mind,

None other than to pay a caII,

And that you aIso meant
to keep it to yourseIf,

I assure you,

I see I was wrong,

Your parishioners worry you
a good deaI, Father,

Yet it's such a smaII parish,

SmaII on the map, madam,

It's a strange task
you've been entrusted with,

Yes, madam,

How IittIe we know
what a human Iife reaIIy is,

Though /'d arrived feeIing fine,

/ found myseIf suddenIy incapabIe
ofhoIding a conversation

or even answering questions,

/t's true that /'d waIked
very quickIy,

/'d Iost a Iot of time
with the iII Mrs, Ferrant,

Father!
Heavens, what's the matter?

You seem to be suffering terribIy,

Where is the pain?

Here, in the pit of my stomach,

But it's nothing,
Nothing at aII,

Forgive me, madam,
I must take my Ieave,

/'m seriousIy iII,

/ was first struck
by this disease six months ago,

/ went to see Dr, DeIbende,

He's an oId man, rumored
to be brutaI, who's now retired,

The priest of Torcy
informed him / wouId be coming,

He paIpated my stomach at Iength
with thick and uncIean hands,

He'djust returned from hunting,

When things get you down,
come and pay me a caII,

I wouIdn't say that to everyone,
but the priest in Torcy has spoken of you,

And I Iike your eyes,

FaithfuI eyes,

Dog's eyes,

You and Torcy and I
are of the same race, an odd race,

The idea that / beIonged
to the same race as these hefty men

wouId never have occurred to me,

- What race?
- The race that hoIds on,

And why does it hoId on?
No one quite knows,

As a schooIboy I came up
with a motto for myseIf:

''Face up to it,''

Face up to what? I ask you,

Injustice?

I'm not one to go around
babbIing about justice,

I don't expect it for myseIf,

From whom shouId I ask it?
I don't beIieve in God,

/'m not very experienced,

but / aIways recognize the tone
that gives away a deepIy wounded souI,

You're not up to much,

Just Iook at that,

Anyone can see you've not
aIways had enough to eat,

WeII, it's too Iate now,

And the aIcohoI -what about that?

AIcohoI?

Not what you've drunk, of course,

What was drunk for you,
Iong before you came into the worId,

s�raphita worries me a Iot,

/ wonder sometimes if she hates me,

she torments me
with such exceptionaI maturity,

Morning, S�raphita,

/ returned her book bag that afternoon,
/ was received very roughIy,

Yes, / scoId myseIf
for praying so IittIe and so poorIy,

But do / have time to pray?

/ met the priest from Torcy
on the road to Gesvres,

He gave me
a ride back to the rectory,

The bishop must be
hard up for priests

to put a parish in your hands,

I couId burden you with advice,
but what's the point?

I've known pupiIs
who'd soIve the toughest probIems,

just Iike that, out of spite,

Where have I gone wrong?

You're too fussy,

Just Iike a hornet in a bottIe,

But I think you have
the spirit of prayer,

Monks are more shrewd than us,

Besides, you have no common sense,

Your great schemes don't hoId water,

As for knowIedge of men,
the Iess said the better,

Face-to-face with your new parish,

you cut an odd figure,

And so?

So? WeII, carry on,

What eIse can I say?

A bad night,

At 3,'00 a,m,, / took my Iantern
and went to the church,

/ never endeavored
to pray so much,

At first quietIy, caImIy,

then with an aImost desperate wiII
that made my heart trembIe,

This morning / received a Ietter
written on cheap paper,

unsigned,

''A weII-wisher advises you
to seek a transfer to another parish,

The sooner, the better,

I feeI sorry for you,
but I repeat: Get out,''

/ made a strange discovery,'

The handwriting was identicaI,

Another terribIe night,

/t was raining so hard
/ didn't dare go to the church,

/ couIdn't pray,

/ know very weII that
the desire to pray is aIready prayer,

and that God couIdn't ask for more,

But it wasn't a question of duty,

At that moment, / needed prayer
Iike / needed air in my Iungs

or oxygen in my bIood,

Behind me, there was no Ionger
famiIiar day-to-day Iife

which one can Ieave behind
in one feII swoop,

Behind me there was nothing,

and before me was a waII,

A bIack waII,

suddenIy something seemed
to shatter in my breast,

and / was seized by a trembIing
that Iasted over an hour,

What if it had onIy been an iIIusion?

Even the saints knew
their hour of faiIure and Ioss,

/ Iay face-down at the foot of my bed,

/ onIy wanted to show
compIete acceptance

and surrender,

The same soIitude, same siIence,

but this time, no hope in breaking
through the obstacIe,

There's no obstacIe, Nothing,

God has Ieft me,

Of this /'m sure,

/ haven't sIackened in my duties,

The incredibIe improvement
in my heaIth makes my work easier,

Dr, DeIbende?
Are you sure?

Dr, DeIbende was found at the edge
of the woods near Bazancourt,

with his skuII bIown out,
aIready coId,

He roIIed to the bottom
of a tree-Iined ditch,

It's thought his gun
got caught in the branches

and went off,

The priest from Torcy kept vigiI
for two nights by his friend's corpse,

He was visibIy anguished,

/t was rumored that
Dr, DeIbende had committed suicide,

You don't think Dr, DeIbende
might have -

He was very disheartened,

He beIieved up to the very end
that his patients wouId return,

His younger coIIeagues spread the word
that he knew nothing of antiseptics,

and his patients fled,

The paying ones, of course,
Not the others,

But the truth is
he'd Iost his faith

and couIdn't get over not beIieving,

/ was in no condition to Iisten
to his confidences just then,

They were Iike moIten Iead
poured on an open wound,

/ have never suffered so much

and IikeIy never wiII again,
even when / die,

If he reaIIy kiIIed himseIf,,,

do you think-

If anyone eIse
were to ask me that!

God is the onIy judge,

Dr, DeIbende was a just man,

and God is judge of the just,

We're at war, after aII,

One must face the enemy,

''Face up to it,'' as he used to say,
You remember his motto?

No, / haven't Iost faith,

This abrupt and crueI ordeaI

may have upset my reason, my nerves,

But my faith remains,
/ can feeI it,

/ stood up with the feeIing,

the certainty, that / had heard
someone caIIing me,

Yet / knew / wouIdn't find anyone,

You'II keep your word?

Young Iady, I wiII do what I promise,

/ was overwheImed,

/ know nothing of peopIe
and never wiII,

/ ran to Torcy,

Father is away,

He won't be back
for eight or ten days at Ieast,

/ was so disappointed
/ had to Iean against the waII,

You know I can't receive you here,

What you promised to do

must be done today,

Tomorrow wiII be too Iate,

She knew I'd been to the rectory,

She is as sIy as an animaI!

I trusted her,
You get used to her eyes,

You imagine they're kind,

Now I'd Iike to tear out
those eyes of hers

and stamp on them
with my foot, Iike this!

Have you no fear of God?

I'II kiII her!

KiII her or kiII myseIf,

You mustn't stay here,

There's onIy one pIace
I can Iisten to you,

On your knees,

I don't want to confess,

You know quite weII
aII I ask is justice,

Ever since that beastIy
woman came to the house -

Stay caIm,

I am caIm,

I wish you couId be as caIm as I am,

I heard them Iast night,

I was under their window,

They don't even draw the curtains!

I know they'II get rid of me somehow,

I am to Ieave next Tuesday,

Mama finds it very proper
and practicaI,

Proper!
It's enough to make you Iaugh,

But she beIieves
anything they teII her,

Iike a frog swaIIowing flies,

Don't speak of your mother that way,

You don't Iove her,

You even -
- Go on, I hate her!

I've aIways hated her,

She's a fooI and a coward,

Never couId stand up
for her own happiness,

Why do you Iook at me Iike that?

Leave me aIone,

If you Ioved your father,

you wouIdn't be
in this state of revoIt,

I no Ionger respect him,

I think I hate him,
I hate them aII,

I'II get my revenge,
I'II run away,

I'II disgrace myseIf
and make sure he hears of it,

Then he'II suffer as I have,

/t seemed / couId read on her Iips

other words that went unspoken,

You'II do no such thing,

I know that's not
what's reaIIy tempting you,

Give me that Ietter,

The Ietter you have in your pocket,

/ said whatever came to me,

and yet, strangeIy enough,
/ was sure / was right,

Give it to me,

she didn't try to resist
and handed me the Ietter,

You must be the deviI!

TO MY FATHER

/ threw the Ietter
into the fire, unread,

Hers was a distress no priest
shouId approach without trembIing,

/ thought / read suicide in her eyes,

But perhaps it was
onIy a fleeting impuIse

whose very fervor made it suspect,

/ was nothing
but a miserabIe, unworthy priest,

/ shouIdn't have received Miss ChantaI
or Iistened to her,

God was punishing me,

/ knew my words
couId not be taken back

and that / had to see it to the end,

I fear she may do something rash,

That's the Iast thing she'd do,

She's terribIy afraid of death,

Those are the ones
who kiII themseIves,

Someone must have toId you that,
It's outside your personaI experience,

Are you yourseIf afraid of death?

Yes, madam,

But Iet me be quite frank:

To die is difficuIt,

EspeciaIIy for the proud,

I fear my death Iess than yours,

My husband can keep
whomever he Iikes here,

Besides, the governess has no money,

Perhaps he's been too attentive,
too famiIiar,,,

but suppose I don't care?

After putting up aII these years
with countIess infideIities,

suffering absurd humiIiations,

shaII I now, as an oId woman -

to which I'm weII resigned -

open my eyes, put up a fight,
take chances? For what?

ShaII I care more about
my daughter's pride than my own?

Let her put up with it as I have,

Madam, be carefuI,

Of what?

Of whom? Of you?

Let's not overdramatize,

Such thoughts don't dictate my conduct,
There's nothing in my past to bIush about,

BIessed is sin if it teaches us shame,

Nothing but words!
Are you trying to worry me?

WeII, you won't,
I have too much sense,

Anyway, we'II be judged by our acts,
What have I done wrong?

You're throwing a chiId
out of her home,

and you know it's forever,

It's my husband's wish,

If he's wrong -

He beIieves she'II come back,

And do you beIieve that?

- God wiII break you,
- Break me?

He has broken me aIready,

God took my son from me,

What more can He do to me?

I no Ionger fear Him,

God took him away for a time,

but your hardness -

SiIence,

No, I wiII not be siIent,

The coIdness of your heart
may keep you from him forever,

That's bIasphemy!
God does not take revenge!

Those are mere human words,

with no meaning except for you,

Are you saying my son might hate me?

You wiII no Ionger see
or know each other,

No sin couId make
such a punishment just,

This is madness!

A sick man's dreams,

With my back against the waII
before this imperious woman,

/ Iooked Iike a guiIty man
trying in vain tojustify himseIf,

Perhaps that's what / was,

Did you hear me?
Did you understand?

No, madam, I didn't hear,

Sit down, You're in no condition
to go anywhere,

I was saying that no sin on earth
couId make such punishment just,

Nothing can part us
from those we have Ioved

more than Iife,
more than saIvation itseIf,

Love is stronger than death,
Your scriptures say so,

We did not invent Iove,

It has its order, its Iaw,

God is its master,

He is not the master of Iove,

He is Iove itseIf,

If you wouId Iove, don't pIace yourseIf
beyond Iove's reach,

This is insane! You speak to me
as you wouId to a criminaI,

Do my husband's infideIities

and my daughter's indifference and
rebeIIion and hatred count for nothing?

You might as weII
say it's aII my fauIt!

No one knows what can come
of an eviI thought in the Iong run,

Our hidden fauIts poison
the air others breathe,

You'd never get through the day
if you dweIt on such thoughts!

I beIieve that, madam,

I beIieve if God gave us a cIear idea

of how cIoseIy we are bound
to each other in good and eviI,

we truIy couId not Iive,

Pray teII, what is this hidden sin?

You must resign yourseIf,

Open your heart,

Resign myseIf? To what?

Am I not resigned?

If I weren't, I'd be dead,

Resigned?
I've been too much so,

I shouId have kiIIed myseIf,

That's not the resignation I mean,

Then what? I go to Mass,

I couId have given up worship
aItogether, Indeed, I thought of it,

How dare you treat God Iike that!

I Iived in peace,
and I shouId have died in peace,

That is no Ionger possibIe,

God has ceased to matter to me,

What wiII you gain by making me
admit I hate Him, you fooI?

You don't hate Him now,

Now at Iast you are face-to-face,

He and you,

- Do you swear-
- You can't bargain with God,

You must yieId to Him
unconditionaIIy,

But I can assure you

there isn't one kingdom for the Iiving
and one for the dead,

There is onIy the kingdom of God,
and we are within it,

You know what I was
wondering a moment ago?

Perhaps I shouIdn't teII you,

I was saying to myseIf,

''If there were, in this worId or the other,
some pIace free from God,

if it meant suffering a death
every second, eternaIIy,

I'd carry my son to that pIace,

and I'd say to God:

'Do Your worst and crush us!'''

Is that monstrous?

What do you mean, no?

Because I too,,,

have feIt that way at times,

Dr, DeIbende's image was before me,

His oId, unflinching eyes
were on me,

Eyes which / feared to read,

If our God were the god
of the pagans or phiIosophers,

though he might take refuge
in the highest heavens,

our misery wouId drag him down,

But as you know,
ours did not wait,

You might shake your fist at Him,

spit in His face,

whip Him with rods,

and finaIIy naiI Him to a cross,

What wouId it matter?

It is aIready done,
- What must I say to Him?

Say:

Thy kingdom come,

Thy kingdom come,

Thy wiII be done,

I can't,

It's as if I were Iosing him
twice over,

The kingdom whose coming
you have just wished for is yours and his,

Then Iet that kingdom come!

I must have hated God
to insuIt him as I did,

I might have died
with that hatred on my heart,

An hour ago,
my Iife seemed to me in order,

each thing in its pIace,

You have Ieft nothing standing,

Give it to God just as it is,

You can't understand,

You think I'm so quickIy meek!

The pride stiII Ieft in me -

Give Him your pride
aIong with everything eIse,

Give Him everything,

What madness,

Forgive me,

God is no torturer,

He wants us to be
mercifuI with ourseIves,

What's done is done,
There's nothing I can do,

Peace be with you,

/ had to Ieave immediateIy
thereafter for DombasIe

and arrived home very Iate,

CIovis, the oId gardener, gave me
a parceI from the countess,

/ knew what was in it,

The smaII medaIIion, now empty,
and its broken chain,

There was a Ietter as weII,

''Dear Father, the hopeIess
memory of one young chiId

had me isoIated from everything
in a terrifying soIitude,

and it seems as if another chiId
has drawn me out of it,

I hope I don't hurt your pride
by caIIing you a chiId,

You are one,
and may God keep you so aIways,

I ask myseIf how you did it,

or, rather, I have ceased to ask,

AII is weII,

I didn't beIieve resignation
was possibIe,

and in fact it's not resignation
that's come over me,

I'm not resigned - I'm happy,

I desire nothing,

I had to teII you these things
this very evening,

We shaII never speak of them
ever again, shaII we?

Never,

It is good, that word 'never,'

I feeI it expresses, beyond words,

the peace you have given me,''

The countess died Iast night,

/ arrived at the manor
streaming with sweat,

The count pretended not to see me,

She feII out of bed,
breaking objects on the night tabIe,

Angina pectoris, no doubt,

She hasn't been quite herseIf
for some time,

On her face / had hoped to see-
/ don't know-perhaps a smiIe,

But she wasn't smiIing,

My arm was Iike Iead
in raising it to bIess her,

/ Ieft the manor about 2,'00,

and catechism cIass ended
much Iater than / thought it wouId,

Upon returning, / found
a continuous parade of cars,

and the murmur of voices
filIed the manor,

/'d have Iiked to spend
the night at the countess'side,

but the nuns were there,

and the canon, the count's uncIe,
had decided to keep watch with them,

/ didn't dare insist,

/ entered her room for the Iast time,

The memory of our struggIe

came back so vividIy
that / thought / wouId faint,

/ parted the musIin veiI

and brushed her forehead
with my fingers,

/ had said to her,
''Peace be with you, ''

and she'd received
that peace on her knees,

What wonder, that one can give
what one doesn't possess,i

Oh, miracIe of our empty hands,i

/ thought / heard murmuring
as / passed,

They seemed to be taIking
about me,

You saw my great-niece here?

Yes, Canon,

Here, and in the church,

She worked her way around you,
I've no doubt,

I treated her harshIy,

Indeed, I think I humiIiated her,

Do you feeI you influence her?

Not at the moment,

But she won't forget I stood up to her
and that you cannot deceive God,

Her version of your meeting
is very different,

Miss ChantaI is too proud
not to bIush one day at such a Iie,

She'II feeI ashamed,

and she needs to feeI ashamed,

What about you?

Oh, me,,,

You negIect your heaIth,

My stomach is very touchy,

It digests onIy bread, fruit, wine,

In your state, I fear wine
may do more harm than good,

The iIIusion of heaIth is not heaIth,

Father,

there probabIy aren't two things
we agree on about how to run a parish,

but this is your parish
to run as you see fit,

One has onIy to hear you,

I needn't know what happened
between you and the Iate countess,

but I wish to cut short
some fooIish and dangerous taIk,

My nephew is moving
heaven and earth,

The bishop, a simpIe man,
takes him seriousIy,

Sum up in a Iine or two
your conversation of the other day,

I'm not asking you
to be inaccurate,

stiII Iess to reveaI anything
confided to you as a priest,

The paper won't Ieave my pocket except
to be pIaced before his grace's eyes,

You distrust me?

I don't see how there couId be
any report of such a conversation,

There were no witnesses,

The countess aIone
couId give authority for that,

Very weII,
Let's drop the idea,

We'II meet again tomorrow,
if you agree,

I meant to prepare you
for your conversation with my nephew,

You're not one of those
who can speak and yet say nothing,

but unfortunateIy
that's what is caIIed for,

But what have I done wrong?
What have they got against me?

That you are what you are,

and nothing can be done
about that, my chiId,

PeopIe don't hate your simpIicity-
they shieId themseIves from it,

It's Iike a flame that burns them,

/ went to the manor
as /'d promised,

Miss ChantaI came to the door,
which made me suspicious,

she aImost pushed me
into the drawing room,

The shutters were cIosed,

The countess'armchair

and the bIackened Iogs
were stiII in the same pIace,

Young Iady, I've very IittIe time,

I wiII speak standing up,

Why?

My pIace is not here,
and neither is yours,

Are you afraid of the dead?

The governess is packing
and Ieaves this evening,

You see, I get what I want,

LittIe good it wiII do you,

If you stay as you are,
you'II aIways find someone to hate,

But the onIy person
you reaIIy hate is yourseIf,

I'd hate myseIf the same
if didn't get what I wanted,

I must be happy! Otherwise -

Anyway, it's their fauIt,

Why keep me cooped up
in this ghastIy pIace?

BIood pounding in my veins,
but never aIIowed to raise my voice!

Hunched aII day over boring needIework,
biting my tongue!

It's awfuI!

That's when I can feeI -
I don't know -

this extraordinary force
buiIding up inside me,

Life itseIf won't be
Iong enough to Iet it aII out,

Aren't you ashamed
of such chatter?

The count arrivedjust then
from the fieIds,

smoking his pipe
with a contented air,

Has my daughter given you

the papers from
my father-in-Iaw's funeraI?

I shouId Iike this one
to be the same,

- She gave me nothing,
- Didn't you see her?

Father and I spoke of other things,

You ought to give him a free hand,

AII these compIications
are ridicuIous,

You shouId sign
the governess' check, too,

Remember she's Ieaving this evening,
- She's not staying for the funeraI?

Everyone's sure to wonder why,

Everyone?

I'd be surprised
if anyone noticed her absence,

And six months' wages?
That's ridicuIous!

She deserves a bit of a break,

Life here hasn't been much fun,

Your checkbook is in the desk,

Later, Iater,

Very weII,

I onIy wanted to spare you
having to discuss it with her,

She's quite distressed,

Father, I may as weII be frank,

I respect the cIergy,

My famiIy's aIways been on good
terms with your predecessors,

terms of mutuaI respect
and friendship,

But no priest shaII meddIe
in my famiIy affairs!

We get invoIved sometimes
against our wiII,

You have been unwiIIingIy,
or at Ieast unknowingIy,

the cause of a great misfortune,

I don't wish you to speak
to my daughter again,

How have I caused a misfortune?

My uncIe must have expIained,

Suffice it to say that
I disapprove of your indiscretions,

Your character and your habits
are a danger to the parish,

My habits?

I bid you good day, Father,

The countess was buried
this morning,

Her Iong ordeaI is over,
Now mine begins,

Where did that mixture ofjoy and fear
come from when /'d bIessed her?

That strange tenderness?

she aIready beIonged
to the unseen worId,

Without reaIizing it,
/'d gIimpsed on her brow

a reflection
of the peace of the dead,

One must sureIy pay for that,i

Though / thought / must
destroy those pages

written in a moment of true deIirium,

yet / wouId bear witness
against my own seIf

that my difficuIt ordeaI,

the greatest deception
of my poor Iife-

for / couIdn't imagine worse-

found me Iacking in both resignation

and courage,

and that / was tempted to-

- Did you come on my account?
- Never mind that, my boy,

I do as I pIease,

You shouId pay a IittIe attention
to how you dress,

That cape, for instance,

And then there's your heaIth,

- I can't controI that,
- Yes, you can,

Your diet's absurd,

Indeed, I must give you
a good taIking to about that,

And you're surprised
when you feeI iII!

I'd get stomach cramps too
if I ate as you do!

As for the inner Iife,
my Iad, I'm afraid it's the same thing:

You don't pray enough,

You suffer too much to pray,
That's how I see it,

But I can't pray,

If you can't pray,
just repeat the words!

Listen, I don't think
I've been wrong about you,

Try to answer this,

I've thought a Iot about vocation,

We've aII received the caIIing,

onIy not in the same way,

And to simpIify things,

I try to put each of us
in his pIace - in the GospeIs,

In short, I think- or I imagine -

if our souI couId drag
this wretched body of ours

back up that sIope of 2,000 years,

it wouId Iead it straight
to the very pIace where -

What? What's the matter?

Are you crying?

/ hadn't reaIized / was crying,

The truth is that / aIways
return to the oIive grove,

/t was a very famiIiar
and naturaI movement for my souI,

/'d never reaIized it
untiI that moment,

suddenIy, Our Lord
had shown me grace

and reveaIed through
my oId master's Iips

that nothing wouId tear me
from my chosen pIace in eternity,

/ was a prisoner
of the HoIy Agony,

I didn't think you were such a chiId,

Your nerves are shot to bits, my son,

That's enough, now,
We can't stay here aII day,

After aII, maybe God
means to keep you in misery,

But triaIs never warp our judgment

when the weIfare of souIs
is in question,

I've been hearing
some disturbing things about you,

But no matter, I know
how maIicious peopIe can be,

But the fooIish way you deaIt
with the countess - meIodrama!

I don't understand,

That business with the medaIIion,

The medaIIion?

Don't be siIIy! There was a witness,
Nothing miracuIous about it,

- Who saw us?
- Her daughter,

You caII that resignation?

Forcing a mother to burn
the one reIic of her dead chiId,

It's Iike a story
from the OId Testament!

And to speak of eternaI separation!

One doesn't bIackmaiI souIs,
my chiId,

That's your version of what happened,
I couId teII a different one,

But it's essentiaIIy true,

Is that aII you can say?

Yes,

Whatever happens, don't see
the daughter again, She's a demon!

I won't cIose my door to her,

I'II cIose my door to no one
whiIe I am the priest here,

She cIaims her mother
fought you to the Iast,

and that you Ieft her upset
and spirituaIIy distraught,

Is that true?

You Ieft her-

I Ieft her with God,

The memory of your harsh words
may have tormented her as she died,

She died in peace,

How wouId you know?

In any case, she's dead now,

What do you expect peopIe to think?

Scenes Iike that aren't good
for someone with heart troubIe,

/ wasn't even tempted
to speak of the Ietter,

/ returned to the rectory,

/nstead of suffering, it feIt Iike
a great weight had been Iifted,

That meeting with the priest
from Torcy was Iike a rehearsaI

for those / was to have
very shortIy with my superiors,

/'d discovered, with something bordering
on joy, that / had nothing to say,

For two days, /'d feared being accused
of something / hadn't done,,,

and honesty wouId have
forbidden me to remain siIent,

But now, / couId Iet everyone
judge my actions for himseIf,

/ was very reIieved as weII

to think Miss ChantaI
couId have been sincereIy mistaken

as to the reaI meaning of our taIk,
which she may weII have misheard,

My poor chiId,i

So that's how it is,

/ didn't understand yet,
/ didn't understand anything,

Except that the strange peace
/'djust enjoyed

was the harbinger
of a new misfortune,

This isn't wine,
It's some monstrous poison,

It's aII I have,

You shouId have asked me,

I swear,

SiIence! With that stuff inside you,
it's a wonder you're not dead,

I'm gIad I came,
Come, sit down,

My voice trembIed
in my chest as it aIways did

whenever something inside toId me
/ had to stand my ground,

No force in the worId
couId have made me sit,

Listen, I'm not angry with you,

and I don't take you for a drunk,

We country peopIe of these parts

are aII more or Iess
drunkards' chiIdren,

DeIbende put his finger
on the troubIe right off,

You were born pickIed
in the stuff, my poor friend,

I'm sure you had no idea,

But you sIowIy drifted into expecting
from wine - and what wine! -

the strength and courage you might
have gotten from a good roast,

Mind you,
you've not been offending God,

But now you've been warned,
and you'd offend Him now,

/ Iooked at him distractedIy,

He's a strong and steady man,

A true servant of God,
He too has faced up to it,

/t was as if we were bidding
fareweII to each other

across some invisibIe highway,

Above aII, don't Iet your imagination
run away with you,

I've onIy one thing to say:

You are a wonderfuI IittIe priest
in spite of everything,

And with no maIice
to the poor woman who died -

PIease don't,

You're right,
We'II not speak of that,

And now, work,

Do IittIe things, from day to day,
whiIe you wait,

LittIe things don't seem Iike much,
but they bring peace,

And try to pray,

Persevere,

Pray to the HoIy Virgin,

She is, of course,
the mother of mankind,

but she is aIso its daughter,

The ancient worId,
the worId before grace,

rocked her in its cradIe,

For centuries
its oId hands protected

the wondrous young girI
whose name it didn't even know,

A IittIe girI,
this queen of the angeIs,

which she stiII is to this day,
Never forget that,

Thank you,

Give me your bIessing,

No, it's your turn today,

Here you are, Father,

No, thanks, Nothing,

It wiII pass,

This wiII put you right again,

FeeIing better?

Much better, thank you,

/ shouId have gone home,

My stomach hurt Iess,
/ just feIt a sIight dizziness,

/ must have fainted the first time
beyond the Auchy woods,

/ thought / was
stiII struggIing upright,

and yet / couId feeI
the frozen earth against my cheek,

''They'II find me haIf dead, ''/ thought,
Yet another scandaI,

/ think / caIIed out,

My poor head
couIdn't stand it anymore,

The image of the HoIy virgin
as described by the priest

was constantIy before me,

A subIime creature, Her hands-

/ stared at her hands,

Now /'d see them,
now they'd disappear,

As my pain grew more extreme,

/ took one of them in mine,

/t was the hand of a poor chiId,

aIready roughened
by hard work and washing,

/ cIosed my eyes,

/ feared, when opening them again,

to see the face before which
every knee must bend,

/ saw Him,

/t was a chiId's face,
without the sIightest radiance,

I fiIIed it at the pond,
It seemed safer,

They're aII there in the house,

I had gone out
to bring the cows in,

You shouIdn't Iet yourseIf
get in such a state!

It's Iucky I found you,

I thought you were dead,

- I have to get up,
- You can't go home Iooking Iike that,

What's wrong with me?

You've vomited,

It's smeared aII over your face
as if you'd been eating bIackberries,

You're shaking,
Let me do it, I'm used to it,

My, my, Another thing entireIy
from Iast week at the wedding!

Come to the rectory tomorrow,

I'II expIain,

Heavens, no!

I've said too many
awfuI things about you,

TerribIe things,

I know you didn't
do this on purpose,

They probabIy put
some powder in your gIass,

They do things Iike that for fun,

But thanks to me,
they won't have their fun this time,

I'II take you as far as the road,

Hurry home now,

I had a dream about you Iast night,
You Iooked miserabIe,

I woke up crying,

The cIoth was stiff,
and the water had turned red,

/ reaIized /'d Iost a Iot ofbIood,

/ was so surprised-
fear of death came onIy Iater-

that / decided to take
the first train to LiIIe in the morning,

At the cock's crow,
/ woke feeIing fine,

Another bit ofhemorrhaging,
More Iike spitting bIood,

Fear of death,

strange how my whoIe body seems
to quiver around one point in my breast,

Dawn is aIways so sweet to me,

BIess mornings,i

/ pray better,

You're going away tomorrow, I hear,

Yes,

WiII you be coming back?

That depends,

It depends,,, on you?

On the doctor I'm to see in LiIIe,

I thought -

That's OIivier's motorcycIe,

My cousin,

HeIp me

as Iong as you're here -

against your father's wiII,
I might add,

You sure keep your cards hidden,

May I ask what you think of me?

A priest has no opinions,

You have eyes and ears

and make use of them
Iike everyone eIse, I suppose,

They wouId teII me nothing
about you,

Why not?

You're aIways restIess,

hoping to conceaI
the truth of your souI

or perhaps to forget it,

I'm not afraid of the truth,

And if you're daring me -

I'm not daring you,

I'd onIy agree to hear your confession
if you were in danger of death,

AbsoIution wiII come
in due time, I hope,

and from someone eIse's hand,

That wasn't hard to predict,

Father wiII be sure
to have you transferred,

Everyone here
takes you for a drunkard,

If you onIy knew
what I think of Iife,

I want everything,
I'II try everything,

I know pIenty of others have died
without managing to do that,

If Iife disappoints me, so be it,

I wiII sin just for sin's sake,

That's the moment you'II find God,

I feeI Iike - I don't know -
insuIting you!

You think you can decide my fate
against my wiII?

I'II damn myseIf if I pIease,

I answer for you, souI for souI,

Are you just saying
whatever strikes your fancy?

I was at the window
when you spoke with Mother,

AII of a sudden,
her expression became so gentIe,

I don't beIieve in miracIes
any more than I do in ghosts,

but I think I knew my mother,

She cared for fine phrases
Iike a fish cares for appIes,

Do you have some secret?

A Iost secret,

You too wiII find it
and Iose it in turn,

and others wiII pass it on after you,

Where are you going, Father?

To M�zargues, to catch the train,

Ever ridden on one of these?
Want to try?

Come on,

You're not frightened?

How couId / feeI
so miracuIousIy young then?

Yes, as young as my companion,

Things suddenIy seemed simpIe,

Youth is bIessed,

/t's a risk you take,
and even that risk is bIessed,

HoId on!

By some premonition
/ can't expIain,

/ understood that God
didn't want me to die

without knowing
something of this risk,

just enough for my sacrifice
to be compIete when it's time came,

Too bad you're Ieaving,
We couId have done this again,

I Iike you,
We couId have been friends,

Me, your friend?

Of course,

Not that I haven't heard
pIenty about you,

My uncIe thinks you're a fiIthy,
good-for-nothing IittIe priest,

I don't suppose you care
what he thinks,

You probabIy don't know
I'm in the Foreign Regiment,

The Regiment?

The Legion, I mean,

If you couId onIy see yourseIf,

See myseIf?

Without that bIack robe,
you'd Iook Iike any one of us,

I couId see that right off the bat,

You don't mean it,

I certainIy do,

What? A priest?

There are pIenty of priests
out there,

My major's orderIy was one,
We onIy found out afterwards,

Afterwards?

After his death,

How did he die?

On a muIe,
strung up Iike a sausage,

a buIIet through his beIIy,

That's not what I meant,

Look, I won't Iie to you,

The guys Iike to show off
when their time has come,

They have an expression or two
you'd probabIy caII bIasphemy,

But if God doesn't save aII soIdiers
preciseIy because they're soIdiers,

then what's the use?

One more bIasphemy
for good measure, and then,,, bam,

It's aIways the same motto:
''AII or nothing,''

I bet you yourseIf-

You know, my uncIe's right when he says
you have no sociaI skiIIs,

Admit it, our worId isn't theirs,

I don't reject theirs,

But it Iacks Iove,

Our chaps don't have
your wisdom in the matter,

God seems to them to stand
for a justice they despise -

a justice without honor,

Their own Iaw has the merit
of costing a Iot, an awfuI Iot,

It's Iike a sacrificiaI aItar,

Just a stone,
no Iarger than any other,

DR, LAVIGNE
PROFESSOR, FACULTY OF MEDICI NE

/ waIked straight ahead
toward the station,

/ entered an oId church,
/ didn't even know its name,

/'d never feIt such a vioIent,
physicaI revuIsion to prayer,

My wiII was heIpIess
in the face of it,

This way you can go on
quietIy writing your sermon,

When I was young,
priests used to eat too much,

Now you're as skinny as aIIey cats,

Beginnings are aIways hard,

Never mind, At your age
you have your whoIe Iife before you,

/ knew to keep caIm,
/ had to keep siIent,

Cancer,

stomach cancer,

The words had rung in my ears
but Ieft my mind empty,

/ had expected something eIse,'
tubercuIosis,

/ think / just frowned,
Iike when hearing of a difficuIt probIem,

/t took me a Iong time to reaIize
/ was to die from a disease

that rareIy strikes peopIe of my age,

she Ieft me aIone
with a cup ofbIack coffee,

/ feIt weII and even
feII asIeep for an instant,

When / woke,,,

God, / must write it down,

/ think of my Iast
few mornings this week,

of the cock's crow
and my peacefuI window,

How fresh and pure it aII was,i

Even though / kept teIIing myseIf

nothing had changed inside me
over the Iast weeks,

the idea of going home with this,,,
thing,,, made me feeI ashamed,

DRUGS AND SI MI LAR PRODUCTS

Abbot Dufrety had studied
with me at the seminary

before being assigned
to a smaII parish,

/ knew he'd taken a Ieave
from the ministry

onIy because of iIIness,

He was in shirtsIeeves,

in those cotton pants
we wear under our cassocks,

and barefoot in his sIippers,

You might have Iet me know,
I have an office in town,

I onIy camp out here,
The pIace is disgusting,

I'm supposed to eat a Iot,
but I don't have much appetite,

Remember those beans
at the seminary?

The worst is, the cooking
has to be done right here,

I've taken a disIike
to the smeII of frying,

Anywhere eIse,
I'd gobbIe up the stuff,

Nice of you to come,

FrankIy, I'm a bit surprised,

You used to be a bit
narrow-minded in those days,

Excuse me,
I'II just cIean up a bit,

I've had a good day,
which doesn't happen often,

What do you expect?
An active Iife is good for one,

But don't think
I've turned into an ignoramus,

I read voraciousIy,
I've never read so much,

I've got some notes here,
I'II show you,

I hope you'II stay for dinner,
We can have a nice chat,

What's the matter?

Here, drink this,

What do you expect?
We've got rotten bIood in our veins,

A doctor toId me once, ''InteIIectuaIs,
undernourished since chiIdhood!''

ExpIains a Iot, don't you think?

Don't think I'm just
making excuses for myseIf,

I beIieve in utter honesty,

with others and with myseIf,

When I Ieft the sanatorium,
I wanted to test myseIf,

I Iooked for a job,

It was a question of wiIIpower
and guts, Guts, mostIy,

Mind you, I'm not teIIing
anyone to foIIow me,

There are bad times,

And if it hadn't been
for a feeIing of responsibiIity

towards someone who
sacrificed her Iife for me -

WeII, we can taIk about that
quite objectiveIy,

She counts for nothing
in my inteIIectuaI Iife,

And don't think it was a boIt
from the bIue, a bewiIderment!

You're surprised?

But in your pIace,

if I'd broken my ordination promises,

I'd rather it had been
for Iove of a woman,

than for what you caII
your inteIIectuaI Iife,

I don't agree,

You don't know
what you're taIking about,

My inteIIectuaI Iife -

What's the matter?

Answer!

I don't want to die here!

Get me out of here, anywhere!

What can I do?

I can't carry him by myseIf,

and we can't ask the concierge
for anything,

Don't move, Father,

It wiII pass,

Mr, Dufrety panicked a bit
and ran off to the pharmacy,

I'm afraid you must think
poorIy of me,

The room isn't tidied up
and everything's dirty,

You see, I Ieave to work
at 5:00 in the morning,

and I just don't have
the strength anymore,

What is your work?

I'm a cIeaning Iady,

The most tiring part is rushing
from one pIace to another,

But what about his business?

They say there's money in it,

but he had to borrow
for the office and the typewriter,

Besides, he can't get around much,

Are you married?

No,

I was the one against it,

Why?

Because of what he is,
don't you see?

I aIways hoped he'd get weII
at the sanatorium,

And then, if he ever wanted
to make a fresh start,

I wouIdn't be in the way,
I toId myseIf,

And what did he think of that?

Nothing,

He thought I didn't want to,

Why do you ask?

Out of friendship,

The pharmacist was right,
He just Iaughed at me,

It's true: The smaIIest
fainting speII terrifies me,

Listen,

I must taIk to you,

There's IittIe time,

TaIk to me about what?
About whom?

You,

''He's agreed to meet
with the priest in Torcy,

My oId master-''

Around 4,'00, unabIe to sIeep,
/ went to his room

and found my poor coIIeague
unconscious on the floor,

We carried him back to bed,

whereupon he vomited up
streams ofbIood,

But the hemorrhaging ended,

WhiIe we waited for the doctor,
our poor friend regained consciousness,

but he didn't speak,

Heavy beads of sweat
covered his brow and cheeks,

and his expression
toId of great anguish,

His puIse was rapidIy growing weak,

He motioned
that he wanted his rosary,

which / found in his pants'pocket,

From then on,
he heId it pressed against his chest,

He seemed to recover some strength

and in an aImost inaudibIe voice
asked for absoIution,

His face grew caIm,
He even smiIed,

Though neither humanity nor friendship
wouId permit me to refuse,

whiIe discharging my duties,
/ expIained to my unfortunate comrade

my hesitation at granting his request,

He didn't seem to hear me,

But a few moments Iater,
he Iaid his hands on mine

whiIe his eyes entreated me
to draw cIoser to him,

He then said, very distinctIy,

if extremeIy sIowIy,

these exact words,'

''What does it matter?
AII is grace, ''

/ beIieve he diedjust then,