Original subtitles

CRAZY DESIRE

- Hail Caesar! - Hail!

- Hail Caesar! - Hail!

- Hail Caesar! - Hail!

Hey, I want cues for all my lines, I can't remember a damn thing!

Don't worry, Sir.

- Hail Caesar! - Hail!

- "Calpurnia..." - Calpurnia!

- Here I am, Sir. - Concern yourself

with the road of Antonio, once he has completed his journey.

- "And you, Antonio..." - And you, Antonio!

Caesar, my Lord!

Antonio, he has the same name as you.

All the strongest men are called Antonio.

- Arm. - Arm?

- There's a reflection, they'll see us. Arm. - Oh, sorry...

- Hail Caesar! - Hail! - Hail! - Hail Caesar!

Not a very imposing Caesar, is he?

Do you think it's a good business?

How much do you think they make a night?

Caesar returns!

To be surrounded my fat men!

- "People..." - People with smooth heads...

- "Who sleep at night." - Who sleep at night!

Hey, is it half past 11 already?

I think that's enough. Come on, let's go!

Such men are dangerous...

- We leave for the senate! - We're leaving!

- Yes, we're leaving too. - Caesar to lead the Senate!

Caesar to lead the Senate!

Caesar to lead the Senate!

- Perhaps now is will start to get interesting. - Yes...

- Who knows what will happen? - They'll stab him 23 times

no more, no less.

I'm back in Rome next week.

See if you can come up with that accounting report for me.

Of course.

They could always change these roads.

- They say that they're Roman, antique. - Exactly.

It's about time then, isn't it?

He never wants to go dancing, always home to bed!

Antonio is the opposite: always wants to go dancing

and never wants to to bed.

To bed early, I mean.

We need to lower the percentage of carbon to around 3 over 1000.

It won't be easy, there's less loss in electric ovens.

Do you go out with Antonio often?

When he comes to Rome he always calls me.

- What about you and Carlo? - Well, since he lives in Rome

he never calls me.

I had a letter written to Westinghouse

they'll send over a technician.

You know what's so great about your girlfriend?

Your girlfriend... your friend.

Solid thighs.

And a tight waist, though with long legs. Well done.

- I hope I didn't offend you. - What? No, no...

- I thought perhaps you... - No, it's nothing.

Caesar is dead!

I mean, Alberghetti, I hope you're not thinking of marrying her.

Well, the thought had crossed my mind.

Listen to me, Alberghetti: don't get married.

Never put a woman on a sentimental level.

Always on a horizontal level, like me.

Look at me and Silvana.

A woman of class, no? A real lady.

Well, she does her shopping in Paris.

In fact, I actually met her on a plane,

on the way back from Paris after the phosphate symposium.

I looked at her, she looked annoyed.

If a woman makes the effort to look annoyed, you know that you're in

if you weren't, she would act indifferent.

Classic approach, with the magazine.

She reads "Time" so must be a lady, or perhaps a mannequin.

The little window. There's nothing to see

so if she looks for a while, it means that you're in.

She looks, but not for long and removes my arm from her shoulder.

Pardon.

Try again. Photography.

Pick any photo, something insignificant...

She looks interested.

She doesn't remove my arm. And after 2 days...

Now we see each other, mostly when I come down to Rome.

I set her up in an apartment on Via Giulia.

But I own the place. So it's also a little investment.

But nothing more than that, one has to maintain a level of class.

As they say in Naples: "You scratch my back..."

"... I'll scratch yours."

I don't know if you've heard that before. Oh, it's spitting!

- Time for some Cha Cha Cha! - Don't you ever get tired, Sir?

I have Romagnol blood in my veins, we're a different kind of people.

For me, 4 hours of sleep is more than enough.

Listen, you have to stop with this 4 hours of sleep lark.

You're a man, just like all the rest

you should be sleeping for 8 hours, and then a quick nap after lunch.

My shoe...

Come on, everyone to Brigadun! You too, Silvana. Wake up!

We'll dance all night long.

Don't forget that tomorrow you have a long day ahead of you.

Not at all! As long as I'm organised.

Maintain 75 km/h, leave Rome at 9:00.

By midday I'll be in Girarrosto.

Get to Pisa at 15:00, go and pick up my son from boarding school,

visit the leaning tower, ice creams, leave again at 16:00,

by 21:00 I'll be in Corso Lodi. A piece of cake...

And take it easy on the amphetamines.

Silly songs...

The tires now, too? Check the pressure, go on.

Put a triangle down!

Teddy boys!

The youth of today... Failed generation!

Well!

Crazy kids, and even crazier parents.

What are you doing? Are you crazy?!

No, you must be crazy.

- Perhaps you're bored of living. - Yes!

Ah, it's those crazy kids who almost ran me over before.

Well, you almost ran me over as well.

- Not very nice, is it? - You might like to play games.

But I don't.

What do you want? Are you going to move out of my way, or not?

- Well? - What kind of car is it? Bit of a rust-bucket...

- Yeah, pretty much. - A rust-bucket worth 2 and a half million.

2 million too much.

That, and I bet you have to fix the engine every time you drive it.

You think so?

I'm a distinguished member of the Automobile Association?

And many other things, if you catch my drift.

"Poor people"!

And since I'm a distinguished member

unfortunately that means I have to aid road users in trouble,

and also be patient.

- Ouch! - But not too patient!

Come on, let's have a look. What's wrong with it?

Ah, and I thought you stopped because of my beautiful face.

What's wrong with this death trap? Has the engine died?

No, the engine's running, it's the petrol we need.

There's a solution to everything, apart from death.

Bring me a container.

Here you go.

- No, that small one will be enough. - No, this one's better.

- Go on then. - Suck it up! It's 4-star, anyway. Tasty!

Easy does it!

Excuse me.

Now your engine will run smoothly, your excellence.

Hey, come with me. I mean, please come with me, Sir.

I won't bother calling your "Sir" because it only tires me out, okay?

- Poor thing... - Go on, keep going.

You must have a horrible taste in your mouth,

I'll find something to get rid of it.

- Picnic? - No, unfortunately I'm on a business trip.

- No, the chocolate bar! - Ah! I thought that... thank you.

Pay no attention to them, they're head over heels.

You know, head over heels... in love.

Think I have nothing underneath?

I have my costume on, see? You dirty old man!

- You think that will that be enough? - Keep going.

- Ah, well done! - Too much?

Why don't you fill up your lighters?

We don't want to get caught out again, Sir.

Don't call me "Sir".

But you are a "distinguished member".

Don't abandon me!

- Get down! - Ouch!

- Thank you! - You're welcome, Sir, it was nothing!

- Goodbye... goodbye! - Have a nice trip!

He gets all our pots and pans dirty and then just drives off!

- Bye! - Goodbye.

"I have my costume on, I don't..." What do I care?

Were we like them at that age? I wasn't, that's for sure. Well!

Anyway, iodine is good for my lungs.

# Ocean, down there #

# I remember once when you were #

# nothing but a blur of love #

"Head over heels"? I will send them in the army.

Crazy idiots!

And I even stopped to help them. I'll be writing to Zaccagnini!

Come on, Francesca, come and entertain us!

- Leave Piero alone, come here! - Come on!

- I want to go and sit with Enrico, you've worn me out! - The door!

Jump, I'll catch you!

- One, two... - Here I come! Ah!

Oops!

- My love, did you miss me terribly? - Yes, darling, so very much!

- I couldn't sleep for a moment. - Ah, then this must be love!

They're so cute together.

Flavio, give me your hand!

Hey!

Hey! Get them!

Terribly sorry, I'm a member of the Automobile Association.

Did you see those crazy kids? They overtook me on the right,

they're throwing girls from one car to the other...

I'm going to write to Zaccagnini.

This stretch of road prohibits the use of car horns.

You were beeping your horn repeatedly,

therefore I must write you a ticket.

I didn't make myself clear, I'm a distinguished member of the AA.

License and registration, please.

This will be our last weekend. It's starting to turn cold...

Thank God! I'm bored of bathing! My poor skin...

# Winter will be back again soon...#

I wish I was in Nairobi instead.

- What are you singing? - The anthem of the S.S.

Well, you could have at least eaten something, no?

- Do you feel better now? - No, I'm still cross!

I wanted supplì. It's a disgrace that they didn't have any.

We're not in the Congo, are we?

I'd tell Mattei, if I were you.

- You, come with me. - Aren't we going to wait for Enrico to pay?

He won't be paying for anything, let's go.

What's going on?

Nothing, just playing a little prank on Enrico.

- Come on, let's go. It's late! - Are we going?

- Waiter! The bill. - Is that everything?

- Of course. - 2,000 lire.

The prices have really dropped!

Petrol?

4-star.

Get your hands off me! My friends will be here in a moment.

- No, they already left! - Ah...

Hey! What are you doing?!

Thief! Thief! Stop him! Get him!

Not bad reflexes, eh?

Help!

Come here! Oh, my God!

- He's... he's not moving. - He must have hit his head.

- He's dead! - Oh!

- It was you! - How is it my fault?

- It is, you threw the broom. - I was only doing my duty.

You were screaming "Thief! Thief!" So I intervened.

I have good reflexes, I'm an engineer.

- You killed him... - Don't talk such nonsense.

I've never killed anyone!

Come on, guys. We'll find something to drink down there.

And also something to eat.

An English sniper, how did you spot him?

Good shot, Lieutenant!

I'm proud to fight alongside you, Lieutenant.

- The shame! - How disgraceful!

All for 2,000 lire. What does 2,000 lire matter to me?

- Then don't scream "Thief!" - He's moving!

He opened his eyes!

Don't crowd around, he needs air. Help me.

Ah, Daddy! Is that you, Daddy?!

- Come on, help me! - What are you doing?

Let's get him in the car. I'll take him to the hospital, right away.

- What about the 2,000 lire? - I'll pay it!

There was an accident.

You fainted. By yourself, though. By yourself.

What do you want?

I told you already, it was an accident!

It's nothing to do with me. What do you want from me?

- Down to the right. - I have to turn here? Okay, I'm turning.

Slow...

Want me to slow down? Okay, slowing down.

- Brake. - You want me to brake? Okay, I'm stopping.

Here we are.

Thanks for the ride, Sir!

And also for the 2 grand, of course.

- What are you doing? Calm down! - Come back, you little son of a...

- I was only kidding! - Stop, right now!

Can't you take a joke?

If it's about the 2,000 lire, I'll get it back to you.

Even with interest!

Enrico, where have you been? You brought the police here?

- This guy can't take a joke! - Stop!

- So he's a policeman? - Of course, he has a moustache.

Hey, you'll get sand all over me!

Come here!

- Come on Enrico, let's swim out to sea! - Here I am!

You must love me if you're following me!

- You paid the bill for us? - Come on in, Sir!

- Dive in! - Come out!

- This is the life! - No, Enrico!

Feel how warm the water is!

I always get away with a little help from our friend.

Come back out, if you're man enough!

- Excellence, where are you going? - Come back!

- We were having fun! - Are you leaving us already?

- Goodbye! - Goodbye, Sir!

Thanks for paying the bill, and for the ride!

What is it?

Want some celery?

No... that won't work.

Voilà, I knew it.

No, the jack won't work.

- God damn it! - Are you getting angry?

Do what I do: I never get angry.

I understand life, you see.

You know when those terrible things happen,

and it's enough to push you over the edge?

Well, if I can fix it then I fix it, otherwise I just sleep.

Anyway, if it can't be fixed then what's the use in getting angry?

What do you understand at your age?

Why? How old do you think I am?

- 14. - Really?

Why not just say 10, if you're going to be like that.

How unpleasant.

16... in November.

- Have some celery. - Is there a telephone around here?

- There's not even electricity. - There must be a town around here.

Yes, 2 hours away by donkey. But we don't have a donkey.

A bicycle?

No. Ah, but we have a hopper. You know...

But I have to get to the boarding school by this evening.

Why don't you ask the guys for help?

- Ask who? Those jokers? - Yes.

First the blonde one acts like a half-wit and then...

- He always acts like that. - Sooner or later it'll land him in jail.

- Even when the military came to recruit he acted like that. - So?

They wanted to put him in the engineers.

When you laugh, you look 10 years younger.

And how old is that?

- Around forty. - Well, when I'm serious.

- No, when you laugh. - I'm 39.

Anyway, I don't even like celery.

I don't even like it myself, I hate it!

- Then why are you eating it? - Well, since I'm like 19 feet tall,

the celery will stunt my growth.

Who put such nonsense in your head?

Some guy I was seeing for a while, he's an assistant to Luchino now.

Okay, okay, okay, I give in.

- Go on then, call them! - No, not now.

They're bathing, you know?

- Are you any good in the kitchen? - In the kitchen? - Yes!

- Are you crazy? - Come with me.

- Where are you taking me? Wait! - Come on! - Where are we going?

You're getting me all wet!

Do they have to be in the water for much longer?

- 24 hours. - What?

That's how you get rid of the smell.

- What are you talking about? - The onions.

No, I meant those wretched boys!

Will they be bathing for much longer?

Why? Are you bored of me already?

No, it's nothing like that. I just have business to attend to...

What do you do for a living? No, wait, let me guess.

So, you have a Spyder and also an old rust-bucket.

- You're 40 years old. - 39, if you please.

- And you have... a nice big shop! - No, I'm an engineer.

Antonio Berlingheri, electromechanical engineer.

- An engineer? - Yes.

You're a real dragon! I'm terrible at maths. How do you chop peppers?

- Widthwise, lengthwise? - Why, do you want to eat them raw?

Yes, they have more flavour.

Right. Tuna, olives, anchovies, mustard,

celery, celery, celery, there it is.

Celery, onions, goat's cheese...

- What are we missing? - Peppers.

Ah, that's it!

- That's everything, isn't it? - Yes, that's everything.

Why don't we put a little more mustard, eh?

It's not like I have to eat it.

You can eat it, and you can digest it.

So, do you all live together here?

Well, we don't smell, you know. Come on, help me set the table.

I had to leave the water first so I have to set the table.

Why? Were you cold?

No, I ripped my costume on a rock. Come on, give me a hand.

So half my bum was showing, ha!

- Do you have a speech impediment? - Ah, you noticed?

Yes, I know, I can't pronounce my "S" s.

Sassolino of Sassari.

Well? Am I good in the kitchen or what?

- Would you marry me? - What?

- I asked if you would marry me. - Me?

That's 3 over 1,000, do you see?

My wife.

- Okay? A loss of 3 over 1,000. - Right...

Besides, all we need do is investigate here.

- What are you laughing at? Wouldn't you marry me? - Yes, of course!

We can have our honeymoon at Disneyland.

- You really think I'm a child, don't you? - You're 15.

16. One-six!

Close your eyes.

Here.

Imagine I'm a lady, okay? Seeing that you don't like girls.

- Come on, close your eyes. Close them! - Alright...

A woman, the kind you probably date, around 26 or 28 years old.

- Can you smell my perfume? - Yes, it smells like onions.

Stop messing around, you're annoying me.

Anyway, our secret date...

In order to deceive my husband I have platinum blonde hair.

I take off my furs, my veil...

- Your veil? - Well, I'm am almost 30.

Advancing, mysterious and mischievous, I take off my gloves.

I come closer, hug me, kiss me, I'm yours...

Hug me, kiss me!

- What do you feel? - Well, nothing in particular.

Ah, thank goodness. So he's not...

No, he's not.

- This is Piero, have you two met? - A pleasure.

- Guys, I'd like to introduce you to Mr. Berlingheri. - Time to eat!

- Hello, guys. - This is Antonio.

Ah, "Dr. Antonio"! From the soap opera? Is that you?

- No, that's not me. - You'll eat something today...

- Nice to meet you, Berling... - Are we eating?

My darling!

Is the food ready?

- I'm not eating. - No, you should eat.

I don't feel like it.

I've made a salad that you'll love.

- The nice gentleman helped me. - A pleasure, Berlingheri...

- When are you changing boyfriend? - What did you put in it?

The doctor told me to avoid carbohydrates.

- Then put some arsenic on her plate. - Stop it!

Everything in there is really healthy: potatoes, onions, radishes,

goat's cheese, olives and peppers, really healthy stuff.

- This summer... - We'll be heading straight to the hospital...

Well?!

Listen, when someone older than you says hello, you answer him

and then introduce yourself. This is how one is supposed to behave.

You get angry about everything!

Very well, I'll introduce myself. Sammy Davis Senior.

- A pleasure. - That's right, Sammy Davis has a white father.

Me. And I taught him everything!

- That's nice. - You just don't like young people.

- Not particularly. - You're against the youth of today, aren't you?

Even you must have been young once,

probably a naughty little boy, too...

- Yes, but a long, long time ago! - Come on, be quiet!

He helped us out this morning and we drained all his petrol

now his car is stuck in the sand, we should be helping him.

- Come on guys, let's go! - Thank you. - Ah, no...

Speaking of draining, how are we for whisky?

We're down to the last reserves, we'll have to slow it down a bit.

Did you hear that, Sir? We don't drink much... say, 3 litres?

I see.

Will that be enough? Come on then, let's go!

So we've offended you, have we? What do you take us for, students?

We'll help you get the car out

and you can go into the town and buy the whisky

then we can all sit down and drink it together, like good friends.

- Deal? - Okay, let's go.

The advantages of friendship, always a good source for whisky!

- Is it very heavy, Sir? - Easy, take it easy.

Come on, push!

- Will you buy me a packet of Marlboro? - One for me, too.

Alright, alright.

- Sir, see if you can find that Diamonds album... - Quiet!

- The new one! - Okay, okay...

Two packets of Kent for me, and also a copy of Annabella.

- I'd like a copy of Annabella too! - You can get me a sexy blonde, Sir!

- Come on, push! There you go. Goodbye! - Don't forget!

- The whisky, too! - I've got it!

Wait for your whisky. Poor fools, why would I ever go back there?

"Half my bum was showing..." What a way to talk!

I can pronounce my "S"s right, can't I?

Sassolino of Sassari!

Subsequently! Well, mine are perfect.

Hey, where did you two come from?

We've come to keep you company, Tonino, otherwise you'll get bored!

I heard you talking to yourself, too.

- So you don't trust me, then? - No. We're terrible, aren't we?

- What do I know. - Also, we have to help you pick out the whisky!

Who knows what kind of cheap brand you might come up with?

Also, I had to make out with Piero.

Sir, I beg you, please put a little music on for us, otherwise I'll die!

Yes, Ma'am.

Hey, this guy travels incognito! It's Chief White Feather!

What are you doing? Put that back, right now!

- Did you hear me? - I'm Moon Beam, your squaw!

Put it back, right now!

Are you going to put it back? It's a present for my son.

I'm taking it to the boarding school.

And I'm already late, damn it!

- You have a son? You're married. - No, we're separated.

Aren't you ashamed to keep your kid locked up in a boarding school?

My son is very happy.

I've spotted him already, my little rascal.

- He's the second one in the third line. - No, yours is

the third one in the second line.

You're right. They're all dressed alike, it's confusing.

- Berlingheri! - Yes, Mother.

- Hi, Maurizio. - Your father is here.

- Yes, Mother. - You may kiss your father.

How are you?

Good, the food is excellent, I'm studying hard

and in my free time I like to play outside with the ball.

Excellent, the next time I come I'll bring you a nice new ball.

Oh, yes please, Father. Thank you.

We will be putting on a small play, and he has been given the part of

an Indian Chief, converted by missionaries

who gets his head chopped off.

So the little one would need a nice headdress or even a Tomahawk.

- A...? - It's an Indian axe.

Ah, yes, of course.

Then I'll bring you a nice Indian headdress, with all the feathers.

- Thank you, Father. - Can I give him a kiss?

- Of course. - Bye, Maurizio, be a good boy.

Off you go, Berlingheri.

What does a 9-year-old child know about happiness, anyway?

Hey! That's enough. Enough now, okay?

Hey, watch the road!

Can I help you? Is it for your daughter?

- Eh? No, no. I was just looking... - Please...

- Are they resistant on the back? - Oh, guaranteed, Sir.

Just... just the bottom?

- Sorry? - Do you just want the bikini bottom or also the bra?

Oh, Tonino, how lovely! Are you buying me a costume?

No, this is monstrous, this is awful, this is worse.

Let's see over here. Let's see... no, horrible!

This... this one! This one isn't bad, don't you think?

This is less horrible. What do you expect from this stuff?

Do you like it? Say, how do I look? Do you like it? Thank you.

Look what Tonino bought me!

- Better get the bra as well. - Yes...

- How much is that? - 9,000.

God, it's so late. I'll drop everything off.

Whisky, bathing costumes...

I hope I make the boarding school before it closes.

Jesus, I'm so tired!

It's such a hard seat back there, my bum is all numb.

- Did you take that shirt to the dry cleaner's? - Why?

Looks like it shrunk in the wash.

- What are you doing? - Drive, drive!

- Hey, follow it into the curves. - Yeah, follow yourself...

140!

Sparkling paintwork, top of the range performance.

It can reach 185km/h in a matter of...

That doesn't interest me. I never exceed 100km/h on principle.

150!

This is how fast James Dean was going when he died. I love it!

WELL-KNOWN MILAN ENGINEER DIES IN SPYDER SMASH

MAYOR EXPRESSES HIS SORROW

The Mayor, though...

You can slow down, Tony, we're here.

Damn, what took you so long?

Hey, what can I do? Our friend likes to drive carefully.

Francesca!

Come on.

- Did you bring me my Marlboros? - A copy of Annabella?

What about my sexy blonde?

- And the Kents? - Here you go. - Thanks.

- Hey, there isn't enough food here. - Bon appetit!

- Can you pass me the bread? - Shall we eat in the bed together?

- Sit down Tonino, eat. - Okay, but only for 5 minutes.

Smoked, too spicy for me.

I am rather hungry Understandable, after that drive...

- I don't feel like it. - Just a little.

- Ah, come on, eat a little. - Okay, just a little.

Mustard, please! In the air...!

And caught!

- It's good! Above all, very fresh. - Come on, eat!

Natural foods are always the best, aren't they?

Maria Grazia, can you pass me some bread?

Well done, well done, well done Antonio.

- What do you want from me now? - Peppers?

- What about your gastritis? - You're the one who has gastritis.

They're just messing with you, don't you get that, idiot?

You're the idiot. I'm sure they find me very friendly.

You're only hanging around because you like that girl.

Who? Francesca "One-six"? I really don't see it.

- Then why are you making her drink? - Because she's thirsty.

And in the car? Her legs, her naked belly?

Indifferent. Don't forget that I've seen my fair share of bellies.

- Listen, Antonio... - Tonino.

My name is Tonino. Actually, Tony. You're Antonio!

Tonino, what are you doing? Sleeping?

No, of course I'm not sleeping. Are you kidding?

As soon as I sit at the table I lose my appetite and start feeling tired.

Then I go to bed and can't sleep because I'm hungry again.

- Who knows what's wrong with me... - Eating is so boring.

One day you'll all realise the true joys of life, a good table of food.

Did you know that there are primitive people

for which eating is considered disgusting, it's considered a shame.

- No... - Of course! They have to hide just to eat.

Then, in broad daylight, they do things that would make us ashamed.

You call that primitive?

Well, I might be a traditionalist,

but for some things... love, for example

I prefer being away from prying eyes.

Not like those two over there. Are they at least engaged?

Yes, of course. He's engaged to her cousin

and she's engaged to a guy who serves in the army at Pavia.

Toto and Tata, behave yourselves! The gentleman is watching you.

And he deplores you.

Hey, listen, instead of deploring us

why don't you... lose that moustache?

Don't you know that a man with a moustache possesses little...

"Personality... Personality..."

- Who says so? What about Stalin? - Or Hitler.

All you talk about is Stalin, Hitler. Let's talk about Sinatra!

There are also hygienic reasons, too.

The moustache, for example, catches perspiration in the summer,

and cold microbes in the winter.

You're a real poet, you know that?

What do you think, do you like them?

I don't know, perhaps you should lose it.

Don't you think you'd look better without?

Ugh! I told you, we're just friends.

- Perhaps now would be the time to get a little closer. - No, no way.

If someone was acting like this with your sister, what would you say?

- What do I care? - Oh, good...

Marina, what are you always writing? A diary?

- No, my sins. - What sins?

Mine. Since I have a short attention span

sometimes things happen to me and then, when I go to confession

I can't remember anything. This way if anything happens to me

I write it all down, that way I remember. Good, isn't it?

And the china-girl? Wasn't she supposed to come with Gibì?

She's not coming,

but if she was then you better stay far away from her.

The china-girl is mine.

What do you mean, I knew her first.

Anyway, I'm very nice, that's what she told me.

- Will you stop that? - Saint Francesca...

Calm down, we all know that the only one she has eyes for is me.

Enough!

- Ridiculous! - She's not coming anyway.

Do you know the joke about the family of vampires?

No. A joke? Let's hear it...

Dracula says to his son: "Drink your soup, otherwise it'll clot."

But that's disgusting. If I may, I'll tell one myself

though mine is slightly different: it's clean.

Anyway, how did it go...

- Alberghetti! - Yes?

- Have you heard the one about the jam? - No, go on.

It's a good one. A man goes into a grocery store and says:

"Give me a jar of Stripe Jam." "I'm sorry", the shopkeeper replies.

"We don't have it in stripes, just plain."

That's good, that's a good one!

At the grocery store a man asks for a jar of jam.

And the shopkeeper says: "I'm sorry, we only have it in stripes."

No, I made a mistake. I forgot the most important thing.

A man goes to the grocery store and asks for a jar of Stripe Jam.

And the shopkeeper says: "We don't have Stripe Jam, just stripes."

Wait...

No, no. Ignore that last one.

A man asks a the shopkeeper for a jar of Stripe Jam

and the shopkeeper replies...

Yes, that's it. The shopkeeper says: "We don't have any Stripe Jam..."

A man goes into the grocery store and asks:

"Do you have a jar of Stripe Jam?"

"No", says the shopkeeper,

"No Stripe, but we do have it in stripes."

"We only have plain!" We only have plain!

- Wow, really? - That was terrible.

It's old, too.

They told that one to Godfrey of Bouillon

and it was so bad that he went off to fight the Holy Wars

and never came back.

Everyone out, come on!

Francesca, I should get going.

Hold on, don't you want to see the costume that you bought for me?

Oh, you naughty old man!

Too skinny, you can see her ribs.

A herring, a sardine.

How do I look? Do you like it?

Well, what do you think?

It seems a little loose here, don't you think?

- Loose? - Just a little.

- Where? - Well, the water will make it tighter.

Francesca.

- Where are you going? - Outside, with the others.

- No, stay here with me for a while. - Sorry but weren't you in a rush?

No, no. I'm not in a rush. And anyway, as you saw before...

With my car I can do 160 km/h.

Ah, well then...

Shall we listen to some music. Put something on the record player?

How the hell does this thing work?

When it gets to this part it makes me want to cry.

Why?

I like it so much.

I like you, too. I like you a lot, Francesca.

You're beautiful, desirable... I like you.

I'm a monster. My face is a mess. I eat too much, and it shows.

- What's my tongue like? - Beautiful,

just like the rest of you. You're extraordinary.

What are you laughing at?

Tonino, you've gone all cross-eyed!

Anyway, why don't you cut it out?

Who do you take me for?

First you flirt with me and then...

do you think I'm one of your kids out there?

I'm a man.

Come here.

Come here. Ah! God damn cigarette!

- Oh, poor Tonino, did you hurt yourself? - No.

- Your hair, Francesca... - Movie.

- Your hair... - Movie.

Movie.

What am I doing here? 10,000 for a bathing costume.

The petrol, the hotel bill, another 10,000 lire on whisky,

whisky I haven't even touched yet. Actually, I'll drink some now.

I'm throwing away a lot of money. Best to just leave.

Don't go any further, otherwise you're out of focus.

- Enrico, Veniero, lift her up! - Come on, quickly, let's go!

- Hold her legs. - Is that okay?

Quickly. Come on, a little higher, that's it, good.

- Go on! - More sensual, moisten your lips.

Completely awful, don't you think?

- The worst actors I've ever seen. - Marina is so wooden.

- Hey guys, our friend is leaving! - Get him!

He's leaving for the Holy Wars!

Sir, wave "bye bye" to the camera.

- Let's make him act out a love scene! - Yes!

Come on, Sir, it'll be quick!

- Come on, let's go! - Get off me.

- With that face? - I find his face to be quite nice.

Yes, of course. Not ugly, but...

He has something of Marlon Brando in him.

Yes, the same shoes!

Take your positions for the love scene, Marina and Marlon Brando!

Are you going to let go of me or not? Get off me!

- Down, down, roll in the sand. - Like in "From Here to Eternity".

- No, I'll do it. - No, I want to do it.

- I'm better at love scenes. - Yes, Francesca is better.

Don't worry, Marina, you can practice on me later.

Come on, Francesca, you look like a puppet standing there!

Veniero, give that cane to the gentleman

he whips Francesca, she gives in, then they kiss.

I'll give it to him, but a stick from a birch tree would be better.

- Why? - I get flogged quite often

and it's always with sticks from a birch tree.

Get back to nursery school, you...

Everyone out of the shot! Sir, you have to whip Francesca.

- Get down! - Stop messing around, guys.

- Yes, really whack her hard! - Out of the way! Ready?

- Go on, hit her! Hit her! - I really will hit her!

- Harder! - Harder!

No, with feeling! I want to see the hate in your eyes!

Grab his arm, implore to him! Whip her slowly, Sir!

- Take that! - You're suffering, in unbearable pain!

A scream! Okay, stop! Now, kiss!

- Kiss, kiss... ah, there you go. - That's it! That's it! That's it!

Oh, we're out of film, what a shame!

This is the kind of thing they censor.

Swimming.

Swimming, everyone in the water!

Tonino, are you coming? Come on!

Yes, swimming straight after eating,

with all those peppers in your stomach.

- What about a costume? - Inside, we have thousands!

Who started this swimming craze?

Watch out for Veniero!

Jesus! This isn't warm at all, it's freezing!

- Come on, Tonino! Come on! - I'm coming, I'm coming!

Wait for me!

This must be 50 below freezing!

Hey, you look good with wet hair!

Look, he has a fringe as well! What a lovely fringe!

- He looks just like Cleopatra! - He looks like a whale!

- Show me how you swim, come on! - A walrus, with that moustache!

Look at Sir go, miraculous, floating!

# Take him to the sea... #

Berlingheri, show us some impersonations.

Why don't you do the baron?

Ladies and gentlemen,

I give you the baron, relieving himself in the sea.

Now watch how the aristocrat swims.

- How awful... - What a character!

- How awful... - He's such a child.

How awful.

- How awful, how awful. - Wonderful.

And now, your attention please! Watch, as I...

No, that's enough!

- First one to the rock! - Yes!

- Come on, come on! - Toto, come on!

Wait for me!

At that pace, they'll be worn out in 20 metres.

- I'm getting out. - No, come here!

Enrico?

Oh, God, what's this feeling? I knew it... the peppers. Stay calm.

Inhale, exhale. It's nothing, impossible...

What's wrong with me? No, I might drown here.

Don't be afraid...

Help! Help!

Help!

Hel... help!

I'm drowning, I'm an engineer!

Help!

Interesting, I've never watched an engineer die before.

I'm drownin...

ENGINEER BERLINGHERI PERISHES AMONG THE WAVES

PRESIDENT BREAKS DOWN IN TEARS

- It could have happened to me. - Well, it happened to him.

- I know, but it could have been me. - But it wasn't.

If it had been me, what would you have done?

What do I know? All I know is that it didn't happen to you.

- I know, but it could have... - Make way, make way!

I don't know if I have enough light.

Now we'll film: "Death of an Engineer".

I'll send this to the Venice Film Festival!

- Christ, he's not dead after all! - He's alive! Tonino...

- Chuck him back in the water. - Why?

Well, it's like with a horse: if you fall off,

you should get back on to overcome your fear.

You were about to drown, right?

So we should chuck you back in the water and get you swimming again.

What?

Go to hell, idiot!

Did you hear that?!

Give me a hand, let's get the survivor away from the water.

# It's the cha cha cha of the drowned man #

# who told us to... go to hell! #

- What are you doing? - A nice little dance I learned.

- A vulgar little dance, you mean. - No...

- In Saint Tropez they all do it. - Here it just looks vulgar.

I tell you, I'm so tired of this life...

I've tried everything, you know. Women of all races, of all ages.

I've experienced all kinds of sensations,

and now I just feel nothing but cold.

Dona, you have to help me:

Tell me that you love me.

But you must tell me right now. You may still be able to save me!

Say "yes" or "no", I beg you.

- Listen... - Yes?

Do you think there's some cheese left in the fridge?

- I'm rather hungry myself. - Let's go and have a look.

Have you ever seen black people dance?

Attention, please! Watch me do an impersonation!

- Make us laugh! - Let's hear it!

I'm from Milan, I'm an engineer and therefore you must respect me!

Oh God, I'm laughing so much it hurts!

You're an artist. I promise to come and applaud you every night.

- Does anyone have a light? - Who has my Marlboros?

- I have the Kents, you want one? - Who has the Marlboros?

- Doesn't anyone has a light? - Where did those matches go?

Who stole my lighter?

- Where was he? - Where did you find him?

He was outside, all alone, getting soaked.

Put him in the kitchen, so he dries out,

- otherwise he'll catch a cold. - And offer him a whisky.

- Come on, let's see some more! - Okay, guess who this is...

"Shh, shh, take it easy! Alright..."

"Do you have a home? Then go home!"

- I know! - Who is it?

- Gassman! - I can't believe you got it so quickly!

I don't look bad like this, with a half-smile.

Of course, I've put on a little weight.

Swelling, more than anything.

Don't worry, it's just the sea air.

Perhaps being so tired gives me a more interesting expression.

- Are you feeling better, Tonino? - Me? I'm great, thank you.

Oh, my! You have a face like a cigarette butt.

- I wouldn't be surprised. - Drink.

- It's nothing but whisky! - Yes, I put a little in.

It's a pick-me-up, you lovely fool!

"Lovely fool..."

Francesca makes me laugh with this new adult of hers.

- I find it a bit disgusting. - What does she see in him, anyway?

- Well, he's not that bad. - Come on, he's falling to pieces.

- He's ancient. - Even older than that, he's a dinosaur.

Coffee!

Oh, lovely Francesca... You look good with a bit of blonde.

No, it's awful, I hate it.

I'm never going to salon again. I'll cut it myself.

We were just talking about your Northerner.

- You know, he's not that bad. - No, he's not bad...

Poor thing, he's obsessed with me, what was I suppose to do?

- Make sure you put the cups back, thanks. - Bye.

Francesca! Come and sing us a song!

Will you write the lyrics down for me, Marina?

Tonino, what have you done? Did you lose the moustache?

No, I didn't lose it. I shaved it off.

Let's see your profile.

No, you looked better before. Put it back.

- It's just his face that isn't right. - And the rest.

The china-girl's here! The china-girl!

The china-girl's here, by beautiful yellow doll!

Hi!

I'll just go and grow it back.

- Welcome. - Hi.

- Damn, my sister is there too. - Who are they?

People who want to be in our gang.

- I can show her around. - You won't while I'm here.

Do you think I should write "tour guide" on my t-shirt?

Get under here!

- Hey, guys! - Hi, Gibì.

My beautiful yellow baby!

Inside, inside!

- Your annoying sister is here, too. - Shh, are you crazy...?

- Hi, everyone! - Hi, Carla, how's it going?

Same old friends, eh?

If you ever introduce me to one of those friends of yours...

May I introduce the child of the orient. Francesca.

Nice to meet you.

- How are you, Francesca? - Hey, Gibì.

We're just stopping by, we'll be off again once it stops raining.

Gibì's afraid we're going to steal his china-girl.

Gibì, are you in a hurry? Calm down, sit.

Just sit down and rest for a moment. There, that's it.

- Take your hat off. - But I don't need to rest.

You only just got here, you can at least stay for a while.

If not, you know what we can do?

If you really have to go, then go!

Just leave us with the nice oriental.

And the other 250 million Chinese people?

Are they as beautiful as you?

Because, if they are, we're all leaving for China.

Dance?

- Dance, cha cha cha? - Cha cha cha, yes!

- Let's go! - Let's go and dance!

Shall we dance?

Listen, Francesca, when can I talk to you?

- Ouch! Think about your steps, you squashed my foot! - Sorry...

Oh! I absolutely have to dance the cha cha cha with out new friend.

Whisky?

Tonino, you drink too much!

Me? Who do you take me for? One of those novices?

No, no jumping, it hurts my stomach.

- I'd love to be a man. - A man? Why?

That way I can just go bald and not think about hair anymore.

I could do it anyway... but my methusas wouldn't be happy.

- What does "methusas" mean? - Methusas, Methuselahs, parents.

- How old is your father, then? - Umm... 41.

Almost the same age as you. So you could be my father!

- Just imagine that! - Yes, yes.

Right, now it's my turn.

Thanks.

So, what, do you let people take your women away just like that?

Come on, up!

- How do you dance the cha cha cha? - Well, in a contained manner.

Listen, darling sister, lend me 5,000 lire.

- If it's enough, I'll get the china-girl. - I don't have it.

Come on, don't be mean.

I'll tell the parents that you're coming out with me

then you can do whatever you want.

Excuse me.

- Well, what's he doing here? - He's a friend.

Hey! This is my car's waterproof cover.

Poor thing, he was outside getting soaked.

Better your car than him, no? Come on, dance!

Who turned it off?!

Are you coming to the Shaker with me tomorrow night?

No, I'm tired of this life. I want to leave tomorrow.

- I'm leaving for the Congo. - What will you do there?

I'll cure leprosy. Like that doctor with the beard.

Alright, but you could always leave another day.

They have a new Cuban orchestra at the Shaker, it's amazing.

Oh, really?

Perhaps I'll drop by for 5 minutes that way I can ask them

where I have to sign up to fight for Castro.

Francesca, darling...

At my age. At 40, well, 39...

In Africa they get married at 14.

- Do you like Africa? - Tonino...

- Yes? - You're so silly.

Francesca, Franceschina... I love you! I love you! I love you!

How can you ruin such a beautiful moment?!

Our new friend here jumped about 10 feet in the air!

So, are you ready for the grand finale?

Please don't, I hate that noise!

- Sir, are you playing? - Do me a favour!

- Where are you going, Sir? - Crazy, crazy stuff...

Time, time... Ah! 1 minute and 2 seconds!

Who are you? Berruti?

Savages. That's all they are, savages.

- What's wrong? - To work the land, that's where I'd send them,

That's right, with a pick down in Kenya!

Then they'll learn what it's like to live.

You know what the funny thing is?

- Everything's okay to them. They don't care. - You're right.

Me too, you know, I'm tired of these kids

they're all the same, so bland, so pretty.

I need a real man, like you.

- With a dark beard, and not too many muscles... - Well...

- Who doesn't know how to swim... - Well...

- Who might drown, even... - Just a moment,

I'm not a swimmer...

It's not my fault,

it was that delinquent over there who didn't lift a finger to help me.

- But he was the one who saved you. - Who?

He did. You were going down so he jumped in and saved you

how did you get back to shore, otherwise?

Well, thanks a lot. To kill, it takes a man.

Only a man can kill a man. Not that guy over there.

- Why, have you killed a man? - Hmm? Yes, once, in Africa.

Give me it back, Flavio! Don't you dare open it!

Give me it!

- Go on, read it! - Give me it! Please, it's mine!

"List of experiences: Marina De Canzio, Year 10."

"Let M touch me."

- Mario, Maurizio, Marcello, Menelao? - Michelangelo!

- Miranda! - Yes, Miranda!

Shh, quiet! "Made out with A.P."

A.P., A.P., A.P....

- Alvaro Penezzato? - Good going!

Him, too?!

- Oh, wow! "Did X with M..." - You did X with M?!

- Aren't you ashamed? - Don't you know he's not right in the head?

- I hate all of you. - Come on, more, Flavio!

- What are you doing? - Come on, we were having fun.

- We were just playing. - The brave Anselmo...

- Enough, find a different game. - What does that mean?

Let's play the tower game!

I'll throw you all down, except Marina.

Get off! Get off!

I'm here, he's there. In the middle of the dunes. Silence.

I saw him right away, an English sniper.

Pulled out my pistol and fired quickly.

Hit him with one shot, and he's down.

Are we doing Mr. Universe?

- Why, do you think you'll win? - Well... yes, I'm sure of it.

So if I don't compete, it's just to give you a chance, kid.

Piero, give me a hand, we'll move the sofa forward.

- Let's go and join in. - What are they doing?

- You have to compete too, now. Come on, please... - But...

- The jury is us girls and I'll vote for you! - No, no!

Guys, leave it out, I said no. I'm not getting undressed.

I said no!

Oh, alright, alright.

Veniero has been working out!

Piero!

I might even do X with Piero.

- His pecs are too low. - Well done, well done.

He should win...

Hey, why don't you try working out?

What do you think I've been doing?!

Someone should cook him a proper meal.

- Here we go! Here we go! - That's it, Sir! Well done!

- What do you think? - He has a bit of a belly.

- He's kind of fat... - Maciste's uncle!

- He looks like Mussolini. - Mussolini who?

The pianist's father?

Well done! Now line up!

- Come on, line up! - We want a show...

- May I speak? - Don't speak, just kiss me.

- Let the china-girl decide! - Yes, go on!

For me, Piero is best!

It's true. Those who agree, raise your hands. Ouch...

- Piero. - Yes, yes, yes...

Alright, he gets my vote.

Marina, write this one down for me.

- Why is she kissing him? - Does second place get anything?

- Where's our friend going? - Are you leaving?

Is he angry? Why?

How beautiful!

And it's stopped raining.

- How come you're all wet? - Never mind.

- Oh, poor thing! - Francesca, you're a...

- Get out of here. - What's wrong, Tonino?

Nothing!

- What are you, jealous? - No.

- Is it because I kissed Piero? - No.

There! Now we're even.

Enough! I'll tell her that I'm leaving,

that I'm going, because I can't take it anymore,

that it's no use, because...

Why don't we get married? Francesca, I love you.

You know, Francesca, we would be so good together!

We could do everything you ever wanted.

- Will you take me on trips, too? - Of course, all over the world.

Acapulco, Calcutta, wherever you want.

- To Ronca, too? - Ronca? Where's that?

It's a small place near Perugia.

My aunt lives there, I haven't seen her for years

and she promised me an aquamarine.

And I want to go to Montecarlo!

I just love roulette, with the little ball going around!

And I should tell you: I'm quite good at losing.

Well... we'll spend some time at the house together too, won't we?

- Oh, we have a house? - Of course.

A little house the both of us.

With a nice big lounge and a fireplace.

- You have a beautiful black dress... - No,

- white is better. - Alright, as you wish. White.

I sit down, take you by the hand,

and we sit there in front of the fireplace.

Oh! Just a moment, darling.

It was the man selling coal.

Perhaps a chimney isn't a good idea. Electric heating would be better.

Hey, Amigo! Come here, come here!

Come on, beautiful! Let's go.

- Do you need money? - Always.

- What would you say to 5,000? - I'd say "sounds good".

Would you have any moral or artistic objections

if I make the child of the orient the object of my desires?

Veniero?

We all know that you don't own and will never own 5,000 lire.

Alright.

- Hey... - You're blocking my sun.

- Have you seen my friend? - He left.

Left? But his car's still there.

He left with the whisky. Probably got drunk... fell asleep.

Of course, Piero kisses like a god.

If Francesca heard you say that she'd scratch your eyes out.

- Francesca has her guy from Milan. - Well...

Hey, have you ever kissed Piero?

Yes, once, when we were coming back from the Olympics.

Such a kiss... He made my filling fall out.

It was awful! I can't tell you...

In October I have Latin exams...

You're telling me. I have private law to study!

- Let's hope a war breaks out. - Let's hope so.

These days they always find an agreement for everything.

Fasten your seatbelt, Fasten your seatbelt...

- Were you sleeping? - No, of course not.

I was thinking... thinking of you.

- I was thinking of you, too. - Really?

And about all the nice things you said to me a while ago.

I'd only get bored if I was married.

You know, a friend of mine got married at 17.

In Africa they even get married at 14.

Perhaps, I don't know...

Go on then, declare your love for me!

- Why? - Because I've never had it before.

I've been proposed to a few times. Jokingly, most of the time.

But I've never had anyone declare their love for me. Come on!

- Well, it seems a little silly now. - I know...

Alright, I can try.

Anyway, all I can tell you is that

in the space of a few hours I've changed completely

since I've been with you and with those crazy idiots

laminated plastics don't interest me that much anymore.

Actually, they don't interest me at all.

You interest me, Francesca.

See, for me you've become an illness, an obsession...

I have a crazy desire for you, Francesca.

Now I understand that love can come along like this after all,

so suddenly, like a hammer blow.

The heart's desires can be infinite

and that's why I want you to be by my side, Francesca.

I need you.

Did you hear that?!

Did you hear what he said?

I've always said that he'd make a better poet than an engineer.

What was that about the heart's desires?

The heart's desires can be infinite!

I should write that down.

You'd probably spell "desire" with a "Y".

Sir!

Who's seen my lighter?

Come on, don't get so angry!

- Sir, have a nice trip! - Don't get so angry...

- Come on, let's go. - Let's go.

- Forgive me, have mercy! - I'll run you over, you know!

- I'm not stopping. - Alright, don't stop.

- I'm going to speed up. - Then speed up!

Come on, Tonino, I'm sorry.

For...

give...

"Forgive". Please!

Ah! Right, just continue down this road.

Carry on in a straight line.

- Now stop! - Why?

Because the police are here.

Make way!

Amazing!

Take your shoes off!

Come on, that's it!

And now, a nice strip tease!

- Here, try this on. I'll put it on the floor there. - No.

- Try that shirt on! - No, no, no.

Slowly, that's it.

Beautiful, beautiful!

- The skirt, the skirt! - No, no!

- She's so good! - So good, so good...

She's beautiful, eh?

Come on, we want more!

Damn it!

- Watch this. - Go on!

Veniero's got the right idea.

When you go to these night clubs, the dancers are always up for it.

When their songs have finished, they're all yours.

- Get out of here! - Ouch!

- Look, isn't it marvelous? - What?

It's fantastic, isn't it? Put the car over there!

- I can't hear you! - Okay, never mind.

Ooh, there's a free go-kart!

- This is mine, okay? I booked it! - Go ahead, Miss.

What's this for? Ooh, there's no gear stick!

Berlingheri! Hey there!

- It's Bisigato, from Ilva! - Ah, Bisigato. How are you?

You know, you look a little different...

Your face, I don't know, something...

- Have you had plastic surgery? - Me? Ah, no, it's the moustache.

Berlingheri! Did you hear about Eridania?

Did you hear about Eridania? It's up 8 points. Did you buy?

Yes, I don't know. Maybe.

- Let's get something from the bar. - No, you go ahead. I'll stay here.

- Easy, take it easy! - Put the gloves on.

Let me get my hand... ouch!!

Pretty girl, eh?

With her nice hair, her make-up, everything in order.

In two years she'll be about ripe!

- I'll fill it up, shall I? - Are you mad? Who's paying?

- Well, someone will pay for her. - Tonino, will you pay?

Yes, I'll pay!

Ah, you know her? Berlingheri, you never miss a trick!

Always ready, always on the breach!

- How much is it, sorry? - 5,000.

Listen, since you're in laminated plastics...

Give me some advice from a friend... you know?

In my little place in Sacile

I've just installed some Martin-Siemens ovens

they're the best in the world, and they cost me an arm and a leg!

But I'm not happy, because the MEC display, for example

are doing nothing but swindling us industrialists

because the person paying is the typical industrial man, right?

So I just use Belgium coal instead, which costs me

just as much as before, nothing more and nothing less!

These guys are just putting my money into Russian politics, Khrushchev.

So, I'm just paying my taxes to make Russians richer, aren't I?

So I'm thinking about going into the laminated plastics business...

Hey! Hey!

Are you happy in the laminated plastics business?

Come here, come here.

Are you happy in laminated plastics?

Who cares about laminated plastics?!

Go on, Gino!

Ah, how nice.

Take that! Ouch, my hand...

What are you doing? Don't be silly, this here is a friend of mine.

What's your name? Anyway, he's teaching me the ropes

- he's amazing! - Sorry, I didn't mean to offend

if your daughter had told me that you were here...

- Whose daughter? - She isn't your daughter?

- Of course not! - Why did you hit me, then?

Take that!

No, that can't be Berlingheri.

He wouldn't shave off his moustache. That can't be him.

The car!

There they are!

- Tonino! - Get off me!

You can't hurt my Tonino!

- Leave him alone! - Our friend's in a fight!

- Dona, come on! - Fight! Fight!

What are you doing, are you crazy?

What's wrong with you, eh?

- Fighting the elderly? - Why don't you try it with us?

- What a nice shiny crash helmet. - Hey can I keep it?

Why are there four of you, then?

- Why don't we try one at a time? - Sounds like a waste of time to me.

You're going to get beat up either way.

With the four of us it'll just be quicker.

- Did he hurt you, Sir? - Tonino, poor Tonino...

Ooh! Two pieces of straw, that means I'll have two children...

Come on, Sir. We can't leave you alone for a second.

Come on, let's get out of here.

Tonight you'll have no dinner, Sir!

No, that can't be him. He has a moustache...

That's definitely not Berlingheri. Who knows who it is...

Don't worry, Sir, I'll drive. You're in no condition.

- No, I... - Come on, get in.

Close the doors!

Watch what you're doing, idiot!

Look what you've done!

Sir, you need to sort out that old car of yours!

Even the number plate's askew...

He put a big dent in the front!

And he even crushed the mudguard!

Poor Tonino,

you're covered in bruises, I can't even recognise you.

- Let me look after you, come on! - Leave me alone...

- Hello, Brother! - Speed things up a little!

- Up to funereal speed? - Is there room for Piero?

Can't you leave the dead in peace?

- Have some respect for the dead. - Sir, you're so conventional!

Patriotism, family, the dead, honour...

How can you hope to have any fun in life?

- Are you a Christian? - Yes, why?

So you know! When someone dies,

the body drops and the soul flies up and away!

Except for mine, I don't have a soul.

- But you do have a nice body... - Hand me my Marlboros.

It's impossible to reason with you people.

Hello!

- You're scared, aren't you? - Of who?

Of the dead. That's why you respect them so much.

Guys, I'm not scared of anything or anybody, got that?

So what do I have to do? Just go in and come out, is that it?

No, you have to walk around the whole cemetery.

After which, we'll give you a prize.

- "Funeral of an Engineer". Bobo, where are you? - Here I am, ready!

What should we put in your coffin? A ruler and a compass, nothing else.

- Go to hell. - I'll walk you to the gate.

We can all walk him to the gate but no further, okay?

- Come on then, let's go. - Let's go.

- I'll die before you. - Come on, how do you know that?

I just do, I can feel it

- and you won't come and see me at the cemetery. - Of course I will.

Ah, you will? So you agree that I'll die before you?

You're not going to die!

Go on.

After you...

Be brave, Sir! Don't hesitate, go on!

- Hello, come here. - The English soldier! The sniper!

- Hello. Come here. - No, get away! Get away!

I didn't mean to shoot you, I was aiming at the pigeon.

- The pigeon! The pigeon! - But you killed me!

No! Get away! Get away... no!

Title: "The Engineer has a Fright"

- Tonino, were you really scared? - Stop messing me around!

- Tonino... - You're all just messing me around!

- Tonino, wait for me! - Get away from me!

Scoundrels, delinquents...

This is supposed to be the new generation?

The future working classes? This country is going all to hell!

I already have my 3,000 workers, you can deal with these idiots!

"The Engineer has a Fright"!

I could smash their faces in if I wanted to.

I have Romagnol blood, you know? I could smash anyone's face in!

Very true, Sir. Need a light?

- Thanks. What are you doing here?! - I fell asleep.

Get out, immediately!

That's right, Sir, you really need to show them who's boss.

So you want me to get into another fight, do you?

- Well, just one. - With Piero, right?

That's right.

Alright.

Are you listening to this? His speech from '37.

Before the invasion of Austria.

Extraordinary.

- What's he saying? - I don't know.

It's the tone that counts, I like it.

- Ah, he's back. Hip, hip... - Hooray!

Well?

- Who does he think he is, a boxer? - Tonino!

Here we go, here we go, here we go!

Throw him, throw him, there you go!

Goodbye curtains. He can pay for that.

Ouch! I felt that...

He think he's better than us.

He's hiding, see? He's covered himself.

Piero, that's enough!

Look out, Piero!

I bet that hurt.

- Well done, Sir! - The Engineer wins!

- You beat our leader! Well done! - Well done!

Sir?

Swimming.

No!

- So he's our new leader? - Exactly.

- Hey, what are we doing? - We're going for a swim?

- A swim? - That's right, a night time swim!

- Come on, let's go for a swim... - Come on...

Skinny dipping. I want to throw you in.

But the moon is low. You only swim when the moon is high.

- And anyway I'm cold! - Let's go to the go-kart track!

- But it's closed! - Then we'll make them open it.

Yes, we'll make them open it...

Alright then, we'll go for a horse ride!

I don't know where the horse is. He'll be asleep by now!

- Then we'll wake him up! - Right...

I want to wake everyone up!

Tonino, what are you doing, did hurt yourself? Tonino...

- Poor, you're tired, aren't you? - Of course I'm not tired...

- Let's go and have a nice rest! - I don't want to rest.

- I want to go for a swim. - We can't go for a swim.

Beautiful sand.

Sand made of quartz, iron... Foundry sand...

I want to buy you a foundry. "Francesca's Foundry".

I'm head over heels.

- Look! - What's going on?

Silence!

The chief is dead!

Long live the new chief!

How nice, Tonino...

It's all so...

It's all so... so much.

Hey, where's my AirFrance bag?

- You can carry this for me. - Who's seen by lighter?

Veniero, find me an Alka-Seltzer or I might just drop dead right now.

Yes, I'll make one for you. Who has a cigarette?

Or some marijuana...

Oh, God! I need some warm milk and a hot water bottle...

Guys, let's make some coffee.

- In Brazil coffee grows on trees. - I'd do anything for a coffee.

Anything? What did you have in mind?

Ugh! I can't even be bothered to answer that.

- My head is about to explode. - Who are we missing?

- Piero, as usual. - Who are we missing?

Piero? Francesca?

- Piero? Francesca? - Come on, hurry up!

Piero, come on, don't be an idiot!

Do you have to make out right now?

You can call her later, Piero.

- We want to go home. - Come on, cut it out!

We won't get home 'til tomorrow.

We're tired, come on!

Here it is, it was in my pocket.

Let's just go and stop talking about it.

What a nuisance, the summer is over.

And Autumn is on the way.

Come on, we're leaving.

- Francesca, come on... - Come on, let's go.

Go, go, go!

- Come on, you can do that at home! - Get going, come on!

I'm not stopping! Hurry up!

Ah, Francesca...

Francesca...

Francesca!

Francesca!

Francesca!

Of course, an adventure like any other.

Sunday is over, that's it.

Maintain 75 km/h, by 15:00 I'll be in Pisa,

by 21:00 in Corso Lodi.

And such a stupid thing to do. Way to ruin your legs,

you'll be aching for weeks.

Imagine having her for a wife.

Think what the neighbors would think.

Francesca!

Hey, Sitting Bull!