Original subtitles

(SINISTER MUSIC PLAYING)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(SINISTER MUSIC INTENSIFIES)

(EXCLAIMS)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMING)

(MEN SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(EXCLAIMS)

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

(SHOUTS ORDER)

(IN GERMAN)

(IN JAPANESE)

(IN GERMAN)

(IN JAPANESE)

(IN GERMAN)

(IN JAPANESE)

(IN GERMAN)

(COMMANDING IN JAPANESE)

(MUTTERING IN GERMAN)

(IN JAPANESE ACCENT)

Hollywood!

(SCREAMING)

(SOLDIER LAUGHING)

(MUTTERING IN JAPANESE)

(SCREAMING)

(SHOUTING IN JAPANESE)

(SOLDIER SCREAMS)

(WOMAN SHRIEKING)

(ALL SHOUTING IN JAPANESE)

(IN JAPANESE ACCENT)

(SCOLDING IN JAPANESE)

Hollywood.

(UPBEAT SWING MUSIC PLAYING)

(CLATTERING)

Better get your mind off that dame and back on the job

or we'll never get out of here. (EXCLAIMS)

This war's been going on for the last 10 years.

You had your Japs in Manchuria in 1931,

the Ities in Ethiopia in 1935,

and the Krauts have been blitzkrieging

your favorite European tourist attractions for the last three years.

Now, last year in Africa,

it took General O'Connor and his British tanks

two months to grab Libya, and it took Rommel 12 days to get it back.

That's the kind of tough customer I'm gonna be dealing with.

What's this shit we're making?

You're supposed to be frying this, not killing people.

Give me that chicken leg!

Shove it up your damn ass!

The hell's the matter with you?

Look at all this good food over here! Wally...

Look here!

Perfectly good eggs!

What the hell's the matter with you, chucking away food like that?

Put it back over this stove over here, and warm it up for them fellas out there.

Let's mutilate this food before they can serve it to anyone else.

(ALL CLAMORING)

If you don't quit hangin' out with that pervert,

you gonna end up so wrecked you can't play on that jukebox.

Pops... Pops? I ain't your pops.

Pops, I've been practicing all week. I'm taking dancing lessons.

I've seen you dance. You can't dance worth spit.

(STOVE SIZZLES) Give me that thing.

Jesus, when are you gonna remember which side of Texas you come from, boy?

MAN: We need some more coffee out here! Coming right up!

Clean that place up in there.

What's your problem, kid? You got ants in your pants?

No, I was just kind of practicing some dance steps.

Dance steps? Mmm-hmm.

Do you got something to be dancing about, bub?

I don't know. Maybe I do. Maybe you do?

Yeah. Well, there's a war on, pal.

And I want to know why you're not in uniform.

I want to know what you're doing dancing around tables.

I want to know why you're not in the army.

'Cause I just don't take orders from anybody.

Oh, a tough guy, huh?

(YELLS)

(WOMAN EXCLAIMS)

WALLY: Are you okay?

I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to do that. I don't know...

I'm really sorry. I'm terribly sorry for...

You got egg on my uniform.

I'm sorry. I'm very sorry.

You got egg on my... I hate eggs.

Eggs are good for you.

I can't stand eggs. I hate eggs.

Look out, Wally!

Watch it! He's got a leg.

SITARSKI: That ain't the way you do it, buster.

Can it, Sitarski! Save it for the Japs.

For crying out loud, Sarge. Look at this bozo!

Anybody who wears a shirt like that is asking for it.

He's an American, Sitarski. If there's one thing we don't want,

it's seeing Americans fighting Americans.

I won't stand for that. Not here, not anywhere.

All right, you foul-ups, we've had our chow. Move out.

You okay, kid?

You're not gonna tip him, are you, Sarge?

That's okay. I don't need your tip.

I think you do. Get rid of that shirt. It's in bad taste.

Come on. Clean them floors up like I told you.

Floors haven't been washed in 10 years. It'll take me all night.

I don't give a damn if it takes 20 years.

Go ahead and clean up like I told you.

He can't work tonight. Tonight's his big night.

Tonight's the night of the jitterbug contest.

Jitterbug? Hell, that reminds me.

Kill them cockroaches back there in that flour sack.

Pop, he can't work. He's gotta dance.

(GRUNTS)

Pops! Pops, you can't do this to me! Pops, I'll do anything! Anything!

I'm trying to get that money so I can buy a suit!

Only way you're gonna get a suit is if you steal one. Get out!

Easy come.

Easy go.

Oh, no, you think that's gonna stop me?

Nothing's gonna stop me from being with Betty Douglas tonight.

Miss Fitzroy? Yes, Betty?

Does this mean we won't be allowed to dance with civilians tonight?

That is correct.

(ALL GROANING)

In fact, civilians will no longer be permitted in this here facility.

The world's changing, girls, and we have to change right along with it.

These men in uniform are just after one thing.

I don't want to hear any more talk about your precious morality.

Morale!

Now that is what is important!

Now, you are going to have to smile at men

who you would never give a second glance to in peacetime.

ALL: Yes, Miss Fitzroy.

You are going to have to make polite conversation

with men whose minds are in the gutter.

ALL: Yes, miss Fitzroy.

And you are going to have to dance, and dance close,

with men you might find repulsive.

ALL: Ew!

(MEN WHOOPING)

Hubba-hubba. Some of them are really cute!

I want you!

8 o'clock!

I can't take it! Just line up! I love you!

Tonight!

I love you!

Now, that's old reet, Jack.

One of our better boogie-woogie suits.

And very expensive.

Excuse me, what do you mean by that?

Nothing. It's just that I couldn't help noticing

what you were wearing when you came in.

My good man, are you actually accusing me of not having enough dough

to pay for this suit. (SHUSHING) No.

I might as well leave the store.

Come back here, boychik. Try on the hat, it goes with the suit.

You know what I mean?

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

It's not gonna work.

Not gonna work.

It's not gonna work.

It's not gonna work.

Ain't gonna work.

MAN ON RADIO: Elsewhere in the news, it's been reported

that two squadrons of Japanese planes...

They bombed Pearl Harbor, and now they're going to come here.

(GASPS)

They bombed Pearl Harbor, now they're gonna come here.

They bombed Pearl Harbor, now they're gonna come here!

(SOBS)

Thank you, but, no, thank you, I have changed my mind. I do not want it!

What do you mean, you changed your mind?

I'm sorry, sir. I'm taking it off. But you wanted a suit, sir.

I learned one thing today, I will never shop east of Beverly Hills.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!

It ain't gonna work. It's not gonna work.

Why do I always have troubles on Christmas?

It ain't gonna work. It's not gonna work.

It ain't gonna work. It's not gonna work.

Why can't I have a...

(AIR RAID SIREN WAILING)

Japs! Japs!

Japs!

Get out of my way!

(ALL SHOUTING)

I never thought they'd be this nervous.

Your first air raid? Boy, are you two sisters?

Get lost!

I think we swiped the wrong style. What do you mean?

Those gals are khaki-whacky. What?

Look at that!

Dames are falling for uniforms.

I don't want dames. All I want is to dance with Betty tonight.

Come on, let's get out of here!

Everybody down!

Everybody down!

This is your air raid warning!

Everybody down!

Oh, no.

Fill her up. Ethyl.

Where?

NEWSCASTER: It was just a case of war nerves.

Two squadrons of Japanese Zeros...

KELSO: The Japs tried to bomb San Francisco last night.

Two squadrons of Jap Zeros. I've been tracking them ever since.

I lost them somewhere over Fresno.

MAN: I heard on the radio that that's not true about San Francisco.

It was just a case of war nerves.

War nerves? Yeah.

Who said "war nerves"?

I heard it on that radio there.

Radio's wrong. WOMAN: Oh, my God!

Oh, shit.

Stop that plane!

Stop, God damn it! Stop!

(GUN FIRING)

(SIRENS WAILING)

Madness. It's the only word to describe it.

This isn't the state of California. This is a state of insanity.

DONNA: General Stilwell, Colonel Grant suggests

dispatching guard units to all the city reservoirs.

Intelligence suspects that fifth columnists are going to

"pour poison into the water supply."

The G-2 should pour knockout drops into the water supply.

Maybe the people of this city would calm down

and leave the war to the army.

(SIRENS WAILING)

MAN: Sir?

Sir? The General.

Captain Birkhead? General Stilwell is here.

WOMAN: You wanna hear sirens?

Ow!

A siren!

What are you doing? We're not finished yet.

Sorry, Captain.

Captain, what's your name, again?

Birkhead. Loomis Birkhead.

Sorry, Captain Birkhead. That's General Stilwell.

I've gotta get my story! I was just giving it to you.

I tell you, DuBois.

There are positive aspects and negative aspects about being a general's aide.

The General couldn't have been a couple more minutes late, now, could he?

Well, sir, it is wartime, and we all have to make sacrifices.

Here he comes.

(ALL CLAMORING)

You have a telegram from Colonel Maddox, sir.

Madman Maddox? What does he want?

Troops, sir. Troops?

He runs a practice bombing range in Barstow.

That's in the middle of the desert.

What's he want troops for? Give me that.

"Request emergency troops. Invasion imminent.

"Suspect hidden Jap airfield in Pomona alfalfa fields."

Well, I blame myself. I put that lunatic out there.

Jesus H. Christ, DuBois. Is that the General's new secretary?

Oh, yes, sir. She came in from G-2 this morning.

Not bad, huh? Not bad?

She's a goddess, DuBois, a goddamn goddess.

That is Donna Stratton. I knew her back in Washington.

She has got this thing for planes.

One of those real high-flying types, huh?

I've never seen anything like it.

She's got planes on the brain.

STILWELL: Well, his brother had all those political connections in Georgia.

So what could I do? Tell him to hold his position.

I'll just send somebody up there later. Where's Birkhead?

He's supposed to have my lunch. (WHISTLES)

DONNA: B-17.

(GASPS)

Ooh!

No man has ever gotten to first base with her on the ground,

but get her into a plane, she'll bat your balls right out of the park.

You can fly, sir?

Who said anything about flying?

I just gotta get her into that plane. I'll fake the rest.

(GASPS)

Hello, Donna. Donna Stratton, after all this time.

How long has it been?

Not long enough.

You're not still sore, are you, Donna?

Yes. In a number of places.

(CHUCKLES)

Same old Donna. Listen, I got a great idea.

Why don't we get together for dinner tonight?

We got a lot to talk about.

(LAUGHING)

What could you and I possibly have to talk about?

Airplanes.

I seem to recall that you always had

a very keen interest in aircraft.

Now, take this B-17, for example.

A woman like you is bound to appreciate a plane like the 17.

After all, it's big. It's the biggest one here.

You know what else? It's got a lot of range.

You know what I mean by range, don't you? Oh, sure.

I mean, it can stay up for a long time. A very long time.

And it's built firm and solid.

'Cause it has to be, because of its tremendous forward thrust.

And when this baby delivers its payload,

devastating.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Oh, Captain. Let's get something straight. Please do.

I don't like you. I don't like the way you act,

and I especially don't like your immature sexual innuendoes.

Donna, I was just kidding.

The B-17 happens to be the most valuable strategic air bomber

in the United States Army Air Corps.

When I went to flight school, we were taught to secure these things.

I didn't know you went to flight school.

Well, actually, I only logged a couple hours in a little Beechcraft trainer

before I got kicked out... Upstairs to become the General's aide.

But can you fly the B-17? B-17?

Can you fly the B-25?

Well, a plane's a plane.

Can you fly the 24 Liberator? Got a propeller and four wings.

Can you fly the 38 Lightning?

Hey, you can fly one, you can fly them all.

Sure, I could fly the 17.

Oh, I'm sorry, Captain.

I didn't realize you had a serious interest in strategic bombers.

Donna, my interest is very strategic.

How would you like me to show you the cockpit?

First, let me say the possibility of the Japs bombing us

is, at best, remote.

However, we're installing anti-aircraft batteries all over town.

In addition, we have a vast network of civil defense volunteer aircraft spotters

keeping a constant vigil.

They report their sightings directly to Interceptor Command headquarters.

In the event of a sighting that cannot be

immediately identified by headquarters,

we go to condition yellow as a precaution.

If the aircraft maintains its position, attempts to identify it fail,

we go to a condition blue.

If the situation persists, we cannot establish radio contact,

we go to a red alert.

During a red alert, air raid sirens will sound, all lights must be turned out,

search lights will scan the skies for enemy aircraft,

gun crews will be at ready.

I hope.

BIRKHEAD: Clear the props. Boost pump on.

Energize. Engage ignition!

Are we cleared for take-off?

(IMITATING RADIO STATIC)

271 cleared for take-off on runway 18.

Winds from the southwest.

You want the stick?

Yes, yes, yes. Give it to me.

Right. Now.

We are rolling.

We're rolling down that runway faster and faster.

I don't feel any thrust. Don't worry. Don't worry.

You will. You will. All right, all right.

We're max power. We're past the point of rejection.

All right. Get your nose up! Pull back on that stick!

Very good.

Landing gear up.

And now we're leveling off at 20,000 feet, 20,000 feet.

Turn the wheel to the right.

Good. We're at 20,000 feet.

(SCREAMS)

What's that? Nothing. Nothing. It was a little turbulence.

We hit an air pocket. Nothing to worry about.

Okay. Objectives in sight.

We peer down the bomb sight.

We're on target.

We open the bomb bay doors.

We are getting closer and closer.

We are approaching target.

We are almost there.

Here we go, Donna. Here we go. Bombs away.

Who's playing in the cockpit, God damn it?

Mission scrubbed. Oh, Donna.

Sorry to have to bail out, Loomis, but it just won't work on the ground.

I tried it in the simulator once,

and it was no good there, either.

We've got to be airborne. But, Donna, listen.

We'll try another... A different flight plan.

We are dive-bombing Tokyo.

(IMITATING AUTOMATIC GUNFIRE)

I'd like to say one final word about bombs.

The eventuality of an air raid on this city is highly unlikely.

Oh, Donna. You can't do this to me.

You don't know what I've been through today.

Loomis, my father was a drill sergeant in the Marine Corps,

and he taught me how to defend myself.

Now, leave me alone.

Donna, please...

As long as I am here, I can assure you,

there will be no bombs dropped here.

(SCREAMING)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

We think we've located Captain Birkhead, sir.

(SWING MUSIC PLAYING ON CAR STEREO)

(CHATTERING)

Okay, okay.

MAXINE: Bye. See you later.

(SCATTING)

Bye-bye.

Maxine, I don't know why I ever listen to you.

I can't do this to Wally.

You know he's been waiting a long time for this.

You know he's even learning how to dance?

Would you forget about Wally?

Just think of all those soldiers and sailors we'll be dancing with tonight.

I can't forget about Wally!

Oh! What are you gonna do?

Turn your back on all those brave men in uniform

so you can dance with some criminal?

Wally is not a criminal. He's just... He's just original. Oh!

Oh, original. He stole your father's car. That's really original.

(DOOR SLAMS)

Wally, what are you doing here?

Oh, my God.

If my father catches you, he'll kill you.

I paid my debt to society.

Look, your father has himself a brand new auto, a new garage...

Did insurance pay for all this?

My dad says it can't possibly cover what he's going to do to you

if he ever sees you again.

I just had to come by for a second to show you the new set of drapes

I picked up for the dance this evening.

Look at this, a reet pleat, a stuffed cuff, and a reet sleeve.

Pretty snazzy, huh?

I have to talk to you...

I have to talk to you.

Would you listen to me, Wally?

You can forget about dancing...

(YELLS)

They won't let you near the place dressed like that.

It's a USO club now. For servicemen only.

And we are hostesses.

What do you mean, "hostesses"? Is that like waitresses or something?

It means we can only dance with servicemen.

Real men. What do you mean?

Join some screwy organization that tells you who you can and can't dance with?

You're talking about the USO!

Where does that leave us, Betty?

I know you don't owe me anything.

But I've been looking forward to this night for a long, long time.

What am I supposed to do?

Get a uniform.

This is my uniform!

I'm an American, too.

And there's a lot of things I have to do, and I have to do my part, Wally.

Look, there's a lot of lonely service men out there,

and I don't want to see them stuck on some German...

Bayonet.

Do you want to go with me tonight, yes or no?

Yes. Betty, think about those guys, Betty.

I mean, no.

I mean, yes.

The hairy chests, and the hairy arms and the...

I don't know! I don't know.

Look, you just... You're getting me confused.

I'm just confused!

Okay. Okay.

Wait.

I'll meet you in front of the dancehall at 8:00.

If they won't let me in, we can go see a movie or something.

Okay.

There's that new Walt Disney cartoon playing around,

Dumbo!

Oh, my God. Here comes my father.

And he's got a gun!

(GUFFAWING)

Quick, Wally. Go out the garage door.

I'll stall him. I'll stall him.

WALLY: Come on! Oh! Oh, no! Oh, no! Come on!

BETTY: Hi, Dad! Hi, girls. Hi, how are you?

Dad, Dad, I'd like you to meet my friend. Hi!

It won't open. It won't open!

Dad, Dad, I joined the USO.

Yes, I know. You told me, dear. We all got to do what we can.

(MAXINE AND BETTY CHATTERING)

A-ha!

Shit. I didn't hear any gunshots. He must have got away.

What's that rug... That's my hat!

Gus, Gus, wait till they step on it.

That's my brand new hat!

(BOTH SCREAM)

(GIGGLING)

Surrender! Surrender!

Macey Douglas, what is the meaning of this?

What is this?

Jap trap. We're gonna cover them over with sticks and stuff.

And Dad says when the Japs sneak up, they'll fall in.

God, Macey, I'm going to kill you.

Wait till I get out of here, I'm going to murder you.

You dug your own grave. And you fell in.

(GASPS)

(VACUUM TURNS OFF)

Ward Douglas.

(VEHICLE APPROACHING)

Wow! Look what we're getting.

I will not have guns in this house...

(WHIMPERING)

Uh, excuse us, ma'am. Heads up!

(JOAN SCREAMS)

(WHIMPERING)

TREE: Hello?

Sorry, ma'am. Our gun kind of got away on us there.

All right, move it back! Come on!

Shit! Sorry.

Come on, move it out. Back it up, you foul-ups.

Let's go, Reese. Move it out, easy now.

Come on, Foley. Get in here and push.

Gee whiz!

TREE: Corporal Sitarski, get on that wheel. Now, come on.

FOLEY: Put some muscle in it.

TREE: All right, Sitarski, lock it up.

Ow!

Watch yourself.

TREE: Attention, Foley, Sitarski, Reese, let's go.

Fall in, on the double. Let's go.

Hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle.

Oh, my God! My roses!

Ten-hut! At ease.

Sir, Sergeant Frank Tree, United States Army, 10th Armored Division.

Mr. Ward Herbert Douglas, 1313 Pelican Way?

Yes. Uh-huh.

The Coast Artillery Command has determined your property

to be strategically advantageous

for the installation of an enemy aircraft defense battery.

What?

We want to put this 40-millimeter anti-aircraft gun

in your yard, sir.

Joan, they want to put this gun in our yard.

No. Absolutely not.

I refuse to let you bring the war into my own front yard. No.

Joan. Joan, dearest...

That's the point. Whose front yard is this?

Is it Tojo's front yard? Is it Hirohito's front yard?

No, no. It's my front yard.

It was bought and paid for in the free marketplace.

I am going to defend it.

Enjoy this feeling of defense.

It could become a lot worse.

I'm not going to run around like Angelo Scioli

with a whistle and flashlight, hollering, "Lights out!"

(SHOUTING)

After the war, I'll change it back to a car.

Right now it's a tank for the civil defense. Angelo... Angelo...

You promised me a lawn chair on the beach in front of Ward's house with binoculars.

That was originally.

You still got a chair, you still got binoculars,

only now you're on top of the Ferris wheel in the amusement park.

You don't understand.

I've got a little problem.

I'm afraid of heights.

Can't look down from high up.

What do you call that, hydrophobia?

Acrophobia.

No problem. It won't bother you.

You never look down. You just look up.

You sit on top of the Ferris wheel with your binoculars, spotting aircraft,

and you never look down.

Up, up, looking up. Who's with me?

I got a wonderful guy, very simpatico.

Calm, cool, collected, balanced...

He knows all about heights? He's an expert?

This person is an expert about everything.

(SHOUTING) (SPEAKING ITALIAN)

That's not defense, Joan. This is defense.

Ward Douglas, I have to talk to...

Sir, ma'am, please, let's not fight.

If there's one thing I can't stand,

it's seeing Americans fighting Americans.

If you let them keep that gun in our yard, our home will become a target.

Joan, we're all targets in this war.

At least we will be able to shoot back.

Okay, now, how do I work this thing, Sergeant?

TREE: Well, you shouldn't actually touch it.

There will be a gunnery crew here on Monday to actually man the ordinance.

WARD: Monday? Yes, sir.

Remember, I saw him first.

He's mine.

JOAN: I will not allow you to bring the war into my own front yard.

WARD: Joan...

Hello, hello, hello.

TREE: Sitarski, you quit your goldbricking.

Go on in that garage and find a cement block

and stabilize that ordnance. SITARSKI: Yes, sir.

On the double, now. Move it. Yes, sir.

You heard your boss. Put me down.

Anything you say, doll.

(GASPS)

TREE: Come on, get the lead out. Yes, sir!

Move, move, move!

Sergeant, there's no way this gun can go off by itself, is there?

Well, sir, actually I'm a motor pool maintenance sergeant.

I don't know too much about the gunnery stuff.

However, I can tell you this matériel

is a 40-millimeter automatic gun,

effective against low-flying aerial targets.

The gun will displace a 1.96-pound high-explosive...

Count to 10.

One...

Two...

All right, Sergeant, how can we make sure that the gun doesn't go off?

Well, as you can see, sir, the upper part of the gun carriage

is capable of a full 360 degree traversal

with a maximum barrel elevation of 90 degrees.

This is a cement block.

(YELLS)

...feet per second...

(SIGHS)

Don't they teach you manners in the army?

You're right. I'm sorry.

I'm Corporal Chuck Sitarski, United States Army.

But my good friends call me Stretch.

How are you?

Look, I'm sorry I dropped you in that hole.

Listen, you got a little thing in your...

Look, I tell you what, if it makes you feel any better,

why don't you just haul off and slug me?

No, no, I mean it, go ahead. Plant one right here on the kisser.

(STAMMERING) Come on, plant one on the kisser.

I don't want to hit you. Come on.

SITARSKI: Okay.

SITARSKI: You ready? BETTY: Okay.

You shouldn't touch the ordnance at all.

But, more specifically, you should never pull this hand-operating lever

to the rear. Never.

Do not push the clip of ammunition down into the feed rollers here.

You would never put the ammunition in...

No, sir. Never.

You never restore this lever to firing position.

Do not make sure that this cover is completely closed.

Never depress operator's foot triggers here, here,

and at the rear here. Never.

If an ordinary Joe like me went

to one of those fancy USO dances,

you know, and he saw an awful pretty girl like you,

and, I don't know, and he wanted to ask her to dance,

do you think maybe she'd say...

BETTY: Yes? Yeah.

(BETTY GIGGLING)

(SCREAMS)

Betty, don't listen to that jerk.

You!

You!

You! You.

You have a really serious wardrobe problem, kid.

WALLY: It's isn't fair. No! No!

(ALL CLAMORING)

WALLY: Put me down! No! No! No, no, no, no, no!

It doesn't matter.

I'm gonna be there at 8:00 in front of the Crystal Ballroom.

I'll meet you there.

No, you won't.

Yes, I will.

No, you won't!

Yes, I will!

No, you won't.

(IN JAPANESE)

(EXCLAIMS)

(IN GERMAN)

(IN JAPANESE)

(IN GERMAN)

(IN JAPANESE)

(SPEAKS JAPANESE)

(ALL SPEAKING JAPANESE)

Cheese!

ALL: Cheese!

(SINGING COUNTRY SONG)

Skinny round the bottom, but what the hell.

Well, I'll be doggone.

Where'd you little bastards come from?

Thought you could hide from ol' Holly, didn't you?

Doggone it.

They get smaller every year.

Shoot! Fire, fire, fire!

Yes, sir, that will do.

I'm gonna have to try that again.

(SHOUTING)

Jesus palomino! Walking trees!

(READING)

(SHOUTING)

(ALL SHOUTING)

Huh.

Lost.

Uh-oh.

(SQUEAKING)

(SQUEAKING)

Ah.

(SINGING DEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS)

(SQUEAKING)

(SQUEAKS)

Starved.

Can opener!

(GURGLES)

(WHOOPING)

Hey, does that gun work?

You ain't gonna shoot nobody, are you?

You ought to get some oil on that thing.

You shouldn't leave it sitting out here in the wind.

Down there? What is it? A Winchester?

That's what I got, a Winchester.

Doggone lever action, shoots like a house on fire.

Doggone, you ought to try to pick one up... Hey, don't go stepping on me.

(SHOUTING IN JAPANESE)

Ought to try to pick one up while you're over here.

Damn good gun.

(GRUNTS)

(IN JAPANESE)

You sneaky little bastards ain't getting doodly-shit out of me,

except maybe my name, rank and social security number.

Wood, Hollis P. Lumberjack.

Social security,

1-0-6-4-3-2-1-8-5.

(IN JAPANESE ACCENT) Where Hollywood?

Right here.

What?

You're looking at him.

Who?

Hollis Wood.

Where?

I'm right here.

Shoot. Can't you understand plain English?

Hollywood? Huh?

Where? Here.

Look. Where Hollywood?

North? South?

(LAUGHS) Oh.

You want me to tell you where Hollywood is.

Well, shoot. That's easy. Hollywood is right...

Oh, no, you don't.

You thought you was gonna get me to show you

where Hollywood was, didn't you?

Tried to sneak up on me like you did Pearl Harbor.

Bet you're gonna bomb John Wayne's house, ain't you?

(IN JAPANESE ACCENT) John Wayne?

I knew it.

I knew it. I ain't gonna tell you one stinking thing.

Why, you can torture me. Do anything that you want to.

Jesus palomino.

A Nazi! I knew it.

You're all in cahoots.

Well, let me tell you something, Mr. Heinie Kraut,

I fought your kind in the Great War,

and we kicked the living shit out of you.

(SINGING OVER THERE)

(SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

(SHOUTS IN JAPANESE)

Hey! What did you go tearing up my radio for?

What's the big idea?

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

WOOD: All right. Go ahead and search me if you want to.

One genuine American jackrabbit foot.

One authentic early American hari-kari knife.

Pass it around, boys. Maybe somebody's got a use for it.

One 10-cent box of delicious, nutritious, caramel-coated popperjacks.

(MEN CHATTERING IN JAPANESE)

WOOD: Doggone it, this is my stuff.

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

(VON KLEINSCHMIDT SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

(IN JAPANESE ACCENT) Compass!

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(ALL CHEERING)

Banzai, my balls...

(CHOKING)

(WOOD COUGHING)

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

Let's see you try and find Hollywood now, you scrawny little...

Hey, boy, watch that knife.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(SNIFFING)

Prune juice.

Oh, no, you don't!

(WOOD GROANING)

(SINGING IN JAPANESE)

(WOOD GURGLING)

(SPLUTTERING)

Oh, boy, rides!

Angelo, I just hope... What if my nose bleeds?

Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!

A Ferris wheel!

I love Ferris wheels.

And we get to ride this all night?

ANGELO: Just to the end of the shift.

Wait a minute, we don't have to pay for this, do we?

Just remember, we're working for the government now.

Don't worry, Herb, you don't pay for nothing.

Is that where you turn it on? I always wanted to work one of these babies.

Warning, do not turn on switch.

Ow! Hey!

Don't touch that.

These are the master control switches.

You fool around with them, you'll turn on the whole amusement park.

(MACHINE WHIRRING)

I love Ferris wheels.

ANGELO: Relax, Claude. Everything's gonna be all right.

Here's what you gotta do.

If you hear or see any airplanes, you pick up the phone,

you yell, "Army flash!"

You got a direct line

to the Interceptor Command. (LAUGHS) Hey!

Then you tell them exactly what you saw and where. Here.

You know my problem with heights.

I don't want to be stuck up there with him.

Jesus Christ, Angelo. They gave him a gun.

That's all right. He got a license. He's an expert shot.

Now, don't worry about nothing. Try to adjust.

To know him is to love him. Now, don't worry about nothing.

I think you'll both be compatible.

If not, I'll get you a replacement.

Now just sit down, Claude.

Remember, you're both very vital to civil defense.

Safety bar? We don't need no safety bar.

What happens if we have to jump?

You keep the safety bar locked at all times.

And remember, don't act up, Herbie, like you did last summer.

No standing up and no rocking.

You mean this thing rocks?

Whoa! Whoa!

HERBIE: Don't worry, pal. You're perfectly safe.

Like a babe in his mother's arms.

Why, you got nothing to worry about.

You know, I once swung around in one of these things

180 degrees, and I didn't get hurt.

No, sir, buddy boy. There's no way

you can get killed in one of these things,

unless you really try.

Like this one guy I knew. He committed suicide.

He just stood right up and did a swan dive straight down.

Sit down, please. Just... Just stay seated, please.

Don't look down, Claude. You'll be all right.

Up, up, up. I'll be back to pick you up after your shift. Ciao.

Hey, this grapefruit's rotten.

I'm gonna throw it away. Is it all right with you if I throw it away?

All right, I'm gonna throw it away.

Here it goes. It's going. It's going. It's going. It's going.

Going. It's going. It's going.

Too bad I forgot to time it.

If I'd timed it, I would have known how long it took to hit the ground.

Because you know that objects fall at exactly 32 feet per second.

Would you just shut up about heights?

I don't want to hear another word about heights.

Boy, I sure hope the wind starts...

Just shut up!

Now, don't say another word.

(LAUGHING) Scared of heights, huh? Me, too.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(SIGHS)

(IN JAPANESE)

You ain't getting shit out of me.

I've been constipated all week,

and there ain't a damn thing you can do about it.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(IN GERMAN)

(IN JAPANESE)

Now, wait a minute, General. I'm doing the best I can.

You gotta tell these guys that I gotta have a little bit more privacy.

Shoot, how in the hell do you expect a guy to take a bowel movement

with a bunch of buffalo rifles a-pointing at him?

Shoot, I have enough problems just pissing in a public restroom.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

(WOOD SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING CONTINUES)

(IN JAPANESE)

(HARRUMPHS)

(SCREAMING)

(SOLDIERS CHATTERING IN JAPANESE)

(SCREAMING)

(SIGHING LOUDLY)

(ALL CHATTERING IN JAPANESE)

(CHATTERING CONTINUES)

(ALL SCREAMING)

All right, you!

(SOLDIERS SHOUTING IN JAPANESE)

(BULLET RICOCHETING)

(CONVERSING IN JAPANESE AND GERMAN)

Get out of my way!

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

God bless America!

Let go of my foot, you vile little son of a bitch, you!

(SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

(MUTTERING IN GERMAN)

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Which way is the damn beach? Oh, shit.

(MUTTERING IN GERMAN)

Detail, assume defense positions on the double!

March!

SOLDIER: Clear all civilians out of here.

No civilians tonight. Get them back there.

Ah, Dumbo.

Sure be good to get my mind off things for a while.

(CAR HORN HONKING)

Come on, I don't want to miss Dumbo.

General Stilwell, sir, an urgent message from Barstow.

From Colonel Maddox, son?

Colonel, they're worried about an invasion.

Christ, I thought I told Maddox to hold his position.

Birkhead, see what he wants. Yes, sir.

I'm sorry, sir. My orders are to give these directly to you.

"Request relief column. Invasion imminent.

"Murderers parachuting in from the skies."

Son, are these Jap murderers or Kraut murderers?

The Colonel didn't specify, sir.

You've seen these murderers, son?

No, sir, but Colonel Maddox has seen lights in the hills after dark.

This leads the Colonel to believe they're being dropped in at night, sir.

You know, son,

Colonel Maddox is mad.

He is?

"Getting that old sinking feeling..."

Excuse me, General, but since it's a bombing range,

don't you think Colonel Maddox would have some planes there, sir?

Some airplanes.

Yeah, well, he might have a few planes there. So what?

Well, I seem to recall a huge stockpile of bombs, sir.

They're starting. I'm missing the movie. I'm missing the movie.

Considering Maddox's state of mind, sir,

there's no telling what he might do.

I thought it might be wise if I would take a jaunt out there

and see if I can't appease the girl... The Colonel, sir.

With your permission, of course.

All right, Loomis. Take my car,

go out there and keep that maniac at bay.

And don't let him get his hands on an airplane.

Yes, sir.

Excuse me, sir, but I'm gonna take a rain check on the movie.

I've got a splitting headache and I...

I'm sorry about your headache. Can I call a car for you?

Oh, no, sir, that won't be necessary.

I think I can persuade Captain Birkhead to give me...

Can I have my ticket?

Loomis, use your head. Everybody knows

you flunked out of flight school.

Trust me, it'll never get that far.

(HORN HONKS)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

If we don't paint the windows,

these lights'll shine over the water 30-40 miles.

We could get new curtains.

I wouldn't mind that. That nice soldier who was wearing that nice uniform,

he said we could get black-out curtains at Sears Roebuck.

I wouldn't mind redoing this whole room, as a matter of fact.

I wouldn't mind.

Since Momma died, I wouldn't mind redoing the whole house.

Knock down a few walls, what do you think?

Somebody should do something.

Macey Douglas, will you please take your gas mask off?

You know that is no way to eat your soup!

But, Mom, he likes it that way.

No lima beans can get through.

Ward...

(JOAN GASPS)

BETTY: Mom, Dad...

Green pig. ...I'm leaving now.

Macey...

Betty, just a minute, please.

Look at you.

Come in the living room, let's...

Let's have a little talk.

We've never really had a talk, have we, Betty?

A father-daughter kind of a talk.

Betty...

I'm too old to be in this war.

The boys, Macey, the others, they're too young.

It's up to you.

I don't know what they've told you down at the USO,

but you're going to be meeting a lot of strange men.

Men in uniform.

Boys a long way from home.

Lonely, desperate.

They only have one thing on their minds.

Show them a good time.

All right, you lovers.

Quit gettin' all dolled up.

We're not going to any dance.

What?

We've just been posted on combat readiness. Combat readiness?

We gotta play wet nurse to Lulubelle. Come on.

Combat readiness? God, this is Hollywood!

It's Hollywood, is it, Foley?

I guess they didn't tell you guys Lana Turner's going to be coming by

to keep us all company tonight.

Where's Sitarski?

That Goldbrick.

If he went AWOL on me, it's his ass!

Sitarski, duty calls!

(GRUNTS)

I want that there bunk right there by the door.

I don't want none of them there Asian enemies

sneaking up on me while I'm in here asleep.

My name is Ogden Johnson Jones.

Now, I ain't gonna enjoy it here,

but I got orders that say I'm supposed to be here.

And orders is orders.

Is there anybody in here that don't like it?

Reese! Give me a jar of that white stencil paint.

Now, now, Ogden.

I know you're gonna like it here.

Now, there's a few rules you gotta abide by.

For example, if you'll notice down here, sir,

you'll notice this white line, which is the Mason-Dixon line.

Now, that is the north, and this is the south.

Now, don't every cross over there. No.

I'm from Tennessee, and I'm going home to visit my relatives.

That's always nice, but this is Mississippi, don't ever cross across there.

Yeah, well, I wanna pick magnolia flowers.

Magnolias, you say.

Never cross at the Mexican border.

You wouldn't dare cross the Mexican border, would you?

Hola, and a sí, sí, sí, to you.

(EXCLAIMS)

White flag, I surrender, bye-bye.

It never fails, this guy's already...

(ALL CHATTERING)

They won't let nobody in without no uniform.

See Betty in there? I've only been here 10 minutes.

(ALL WHOOPING)

Who the hell are you supposed to be,

the admiral of the Hollywood navy?

I'm looking for somebody.

I'm looking for a size 10 up your ass.

(ALL CLAMORING)

Oh, no.

Hi. Hi.

You know what? What?

You got a lot of balls coming here tonight.

You know why? Why?

'Cause when I get through with you, you ain't gonna have none left.

MAN: Hit the dude, Wally.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

Listen, I tell you what.

Since I'm obviously interrupting something important,

he's all yours.

Poor bastard.

Smell something burning?

Yeah, it smells like garbage.

(ALL LAUGHING)

(SCREAMING)

Look, lady, I've had it up to here.

(SCREAMING CONTINUES)

(SCREAMING)

Thank you.

Wally!

WALLY: Betty, I have to talk to you.

Wally... Would you excuse us, please, sir?

Betty, I wanna apologize for this afternoon.

Wally, we have nothing to talk about right now.

Sir, I'm sorry, we're late for the dance.

Betty, I can explain. Don't go in there with him.

I know him. I know what he's like.

Miss Douglas? Allow me.

(BAND PLAYING SWING MUSIC)

(SINGING DOWN BY THE OHIO)

Chuck, Wally's in the middle of the street!

What?

Hey! Hey, you wanna dance?

No!

You wanna dance? No!

Look, you... Wally!

Dennis, what the... What are you doing?

That guy's a killer!

What the hell have you got on here?

Dennis, come on, Dennis. Dennis, come on, Dennis.

Let's dance. Let's dance.

I don't believe it. You mean you joined up? No.

Wally, look, costume, just $2.

Do you care for a drink, Betty? I'm not thirsty.

Gimme a couple Cokes. WAITRESS: Couple Cokes, coming up.

I'm really not hungry.

Couple of doughnuts, too, all right?

Hey, you devil, how about a devilled egg?

Oh, no, I hate eggs. My grandmother made them.

I can't stand eggs. Excuse me, Miss Betty.

Would you care to dance? Yes.

I'd love to dance. Would you excuse us, please?

Listen. That is my port of entry.

Believe me, walk away. Just walk away.

I'm walking away. I'm walking.

Your doughnut, Betty.

I'll get it.

Say, babes, wanna cut a rug with me, huh?

Maybe have a little pick-me-up. We could...

Maybe later.

Betty, I think it's getting a little bit crowded around here.

Why don't we go and dance?

That's the man for me.

(TUNING RADIO)

(IN JAPANESE)

(SINGING BABY MINE)

It sure is dark out here, huh?

Look out the windows, you can't see a thing.

(LAUGHING)

This is just like flying at night.

And sure is a hell of a lot safer than flying at night.

In fact, if I didn't know better, I'd swear we were flying.

This car feels just like an airplane.

What does this feel like? No, wait, what does this feel like?

Forward thrust? Loomis...

Donna, doesn't that feel like forward thrust? Loomis!

You're such a child.

I'll tell you what, you get me up in an airplane,

then we'll talk about forward thrust.

(BARKING)

What's your real name, Sal?

Raoul. I knew it.

Lipschitz.

(SINGING DOWN BY THE OHIO)

Betty!

Wally!

Betty!

Wally!

MAN: Hey, come on.

You'll never drink in here again, you drunken son of a bitch.

(EXCLAIMING IN SPANISH)

(PANTING)

They don't want see no drunks bothering and grabbing them.

Just a little bit, all right? I'm sorry.

BOUNCER: No drinking.

MAN: (GRUNTING) I'm so sorry.

(GROANING) No!

Ladies and gentlemen, may I please have your attention?

Attention, please, everyone.

Listen up now, everyone. All right.

(BAND PLAYING SWING MUSIC)

Meyer, come on up here.

All right. The jitterbug contest is about to begin.

(CHEERING)

That's right.

And now I'm gonna introduce our judge for the contest,

Mr. Meyer Mishkin of RKO Pictures.

RKO Pictures!

Now, Meyer is an agent at RKO Pictures and he's...

Talent scout.

Oh, talent scout, all right.

Why don't you tell them about first prize, huh?

First prize is a seven-year contract at RKO Pictures.

Seven years! Did you hear that?

Betty, I called us a cab.

Let's get out of here so these slobs can't bother us anymore.

You wanna dance with me? Look, I'm in the USO. I'll dance with you.

(COUGHING) EMCEE ON PA: We're gonna send all the world a message.

We're gonna jitterbug into the hearts of the whole world.

(GRUNTS)

Sailor, please.

Please dance with me. Come on. Let's get out of here.

I don't wanna go.

Ladies and gentlemen, I want you to count down with me

on this momentous, tremendous,

absolutely pretty important occasion.

All right.

(CHEERING)

We can't go yet. There's...

You wanna dance?

Sure, dolly.

And...

CROWD: Ten!

What the hell are you... Hey!

CROWD: Nine!

You crazy son of a bitch. What are you doing?

Please.

ALL: Seven! Help me.

Come on, give me a break.

Give you what? Give me a break, will you?

Time.

ALL: Four!

Please.

ALL: Three!

(SCREAMS)

ALL: Two! Wait for me, Stretch!

ALL: One!

And grab your partner and take it away!

MAXINE: Stretch, wait for me, Stretch!

(BAND PLAYING SWING MUSIC)

Wally!

Wait a minute, Betty. We gotta dance. Come on.

Run!

(GRUNTS)

MAN: Look out.

(GROANS)

Stretch!

(WOMAN GIGGLING)

(CROWD CHEERING)

MAXINE: Watch it.

(WOMEN SCREAMING)

Stretch!

(GROANING)

(GRUNTING)

Who's that lady?

Get away.

Oh, Stretch.

Whoa!

(GRUNTS)

(CROWD GASPS)

Look at that!

(CROWD CHEERING)

Wally! Hey, Wally!

(ALL CHEERING)

That's my best friend. And he's dancing.

What's that guy's name? What a dancer!

Watch it, Wally!

(CROWD GASPS)

(GROANS)

Well, well, well.

Just the son of a bitch I'm looking for.

(CROWD GASPS)

You son of a bitch!

(CROWD SCREAMS)

Wait a second! Wait, guys!

Now, wait a second! Wait!

(CROWD YELLING)

(SHOUTING STOPS)

(BELL RINGS)

(ALL SHOUTING)

Are you okay?

Stop! Stop it!

(GRUNTING)

Wally!

(GRUNTS)

I love you, Stretch!

(MAN SCREAMING)

BIRKHEAD: So, the right engine and then...

DONNA: I don't see any planes out here, Loomis.

You don't?

Do you know what's gonna happen to you

if there aren't any planes out here?

Do you have any idea? Can you possibly imagine?

Well, Donna, would you just relax?

Loomis. Loomis.

Donna, I'm gonna have a look around.

I'll be right back.

Hello.

Hello?

Anybody home?

No! Don't shoot! Don't shoot!

Don't shoot! Oh, don't shoot. Please, don't shoot!

SOLDIER: Identify yourself.

Captain Loomis Birkhead, United States Army.

Birkhead? What kind of stupid name is that?

Just stand right there. Winowski.

Little tall for a Jap, wouldn't you say?

Yeah, but those Japs are sneaky bastards, sir.

You never know.

You're right.

Check him for stilts.

Stilts, sir? Do it.

Yo.

(EXCLAIMS)

God! Son of a bitch!

Ah, thank God, Captain.

(LAUGHING)

Thank God, you got through.

(CHUCKLING)

My troops. Where are my troops?

Stilwell promised me troops.

Yes, sir. You see... Well, we're a little short-handed, sir.

Short-handed? Stilwell's trying to hold LA.

Stilwell? LA?

Yes. Oh, my God, does he realize how desperate

my situation is here?

They're parachuting murderers into these hills,

and now I'm getting reports of secret airstrips

hidden away in the alfalfa fields of Pomona.

Colonel, you don't...

You don't have any bombers here, do you, sir?

Bombers?

If I had bombers, son, I'd be bombing the hell out of them right now!

(TROOPS LAUGHING)

No planes.

Boy, am I in trouble now.

(LAUGHING STOPS)

Hell, son, the only plane I got around here

is that old shit-on-a-shingle trainer sitting right over there.

(WHISPERS) It's fine, it's fine. Let's go.

Sir, I happen to have a reconnaissance expert

from our intelligence office in Washington with us in the car,

and with your permission, sir,

we'd like to take that trainer and try to spot that enemy airfield.

Why, son, that plane doesn't have any guns on it.

You're talking suicide.

I have no other choice.

Ladies and gentlemen, everywhere I look,

soldiers are fighting sailors, sailors are fighting marines.

Directly in front of me, I see a flying blonde floozy.

Everywhere I look, everywhere, pure pandemonium.

I'm gonna do your head just like...

Did you hear that radio over there?

Take your head...

Our boys are fighting each other down there.

If there's one thing I can't stand,

it's Americans fighting Americans.

Jones! Yes, sir.

You wanna fight in this man's army?

Yes, sir, I want to fight.

Gentlemen.

Draw your gear and weapons and prepare to mount up.

Immediately! On the double! Let's go!

Jones, port hatch.

Where's the port hatch, Sarge?

The back door!

Foley, fuel pumps, prime one.

Fuel pumps, prime one.

And two. And two.

Fuel pumps primed.

Magnetos.

Spark one. Magnetos, spark one.

Two. And two.

All right, boost and start her up.

(ENGINE STARTS)

Parking brake released. Flaps up. I'm set.

We're ready. Radio on.

Jesus Christ! What?

This thing hasn't got a radio!

Colonel, this thing hasn't got a radio!

What radio?

It hasn't got a radio!

I gotta let Interceptor Command know I'm up there.

I don't want to get my ass shot off!

Hell, son, you can't call Interceptor Command.

That plane doesn't have a radio!

I know it doesn't have a radio!

I know it doesn't have a radio, but I got a telephone.

Don't worry, I'll call them for you.

You got a telephone. Okay.

Bomb the hell out of them, son! That's it, straight away.

Look out there. Take your foot off the right brake, son.

Loomis, stop showing off.

Get out of there!

Son! You're going the wrong way!

Quest-ray emergency oops-tray. And we're eady-ray to oll-ray.

Don't do that, son.

And salute.

Full throttle. Max power. Past the point of rejection.

I think you're gonna hit the tower.

No, we missed it.

This is SOP.

How do you read me?

Interceptor Command, this is Colonel Maddox. Hello?

My God, we've been cut off!

Did you ever see an elephant fly?

Well, I seen a horsefly.

I seen a dragonfly!

I seen a housefly.

(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

Yeah, I've seen all that, too.

I seen a peanut stand.

And heard a rubber band.

I seen a needle that winked its eye.

But I be done seen about everything when I see a elephant fly.

What'd you say, boy? I said, when I see a...

(WHISPERS) Sir. Yes, Sergeant?

Sir, they're rioting in the streets.

Who's rioting?

Soldiers. Soldiers and sailors.

And zoot suits. Zoot-suiters?

Yes, sir.

That sounds to me like a matter for the police.

Police, shore patrol, MPs.

Let them handle the riots, and I'll handle the Japanese.

That's all, Sergeant.

Yes, sir.

Get out of the way. I can't see the screen.

Down in front. You, down.

Relax. Watch the movie.

(SINGING ONSCREEN)

Colonel Maddox. Aircraft approaching, sir.

Hold your fire. Pass it on.

SOLDIER 1: Hold your fire. Pass it on.

SOLDIER 2: Hold your fire. Pass it on.

SOLDIER 3: Hold your fire. SOLDIER 4: Hold your fire.

(GRUNTING)

My leg, it... Wake up. Come on.

Wake up. Wake up, wake up!

Ground crew!

What form of lunatic is that?

What kind of lunatic runs this place? Come on!

Yo.

Come on, wake up, you moron. Wake up.

Not now, Winowski, you stupid soda jerk.

Come on!

He's on the level, sir.

Identify yourself.

Captain Wild Bill Kelso, United States Army Air Corps.

Where the hell am I?

Barstow. Where you coming from? San Francisco.

Been tracking a Jap squadron for a day and a half.

I lost them somewhere over Fresno.

I'm from Olena, Illinois. Tough shit.

You see any Japs around here?

Oh, hell, son, they're all over the place.

They got a secret air base down in Pomona.

That's where they're all coming from.

Pomona.

Which way is Pomona?

That way, toward LA.

And heave!

(YELLS)

Get away! My leg!

My name's Wild Bill Kelso, and don't you forget it.

That's the kind of talk I like to hear, boy!

That's it. Let me hear your guns.

My guns?

I wanna hear what they sound like. Let me hear them.

(IMITATING GUNFIRE)

(SHOUTING)

Vaya con Dios, my friend!

To Hollywood and glory!

This thing handles pretty well, even if it's not a B-17,

but does it have much range, Loomis? Huh?

I mean, do you think it'll stay up for a long time?

Sure. Hell, we've used less than a quarter of a tank already.

Look. We're already over the Riverside County reservoir.

Army flash, army flash. Post, Riverside County reservoir.

Code name Strawberry. Three single-engine aircraft.

Three single-engine aircraft heard five miles northeast of Strawberry,

proceeding west, high altitude.

Strawberry's in Sector 14. No clearance for aircraft in 14.

I repeat, no clearance. Request visual information.

Visual information not available.

Try to contact aircraft by radio.

Tangerine confirms Strawberry aircraft proceeding west.

Attention, all units! Condition yellow.

I repeat, yellow alert.

(DINGS)

(ALL CLAMORING)

What you need is a little pick-me-up.

I'll give you a...

There they are, men! Let's get them!

(ALL SHOUTING)

WOMAN: Oh, no! No!

(SCREAMS)

(YELLING)

Yeah!

What the hell do you people think you're doing?

You're acting like a bunch of Tojo stooges.

What do you wanna do, put Yamamoto in the White House?

The Axis is crawling like a slime all over Europe.

I can't believe it, Americans fighting Americans.

We've got the lousy Huns to fight.

...reporting aircraft engine, sir, east, proceeding west, altitude high.

Sector 13.

There's no clearance on 13.

Request status or radio contact.

Sir, negative radio contact. Aircraft refuses to respond.

Area airport activity, negative.

Go to blue.

Condition blue.

(DINGS)

(BAND PLAYING SLOW MUSIC)

Well, ladies and gentlemen, that just about wraps up

another evening's entertainment here at the Crystal Ballroom

in downtown Los Angeles.

I hope you enjoyed tonight's program.

I'd like to thank all the Gls

for helping make tonight's evening such a memorable occasion.

Maybe in the future we can have some Negroes come in,

and we'll stage a race riot right here.

Wally!

Well, this is Sal Stewart saying I hope you had a good time.

We're gonna be boogie-woogie-ing our way

right out across the street soon.

So stay tuned to this station...

Next week, we'll be back. Hope you had a good time.

Oh! Oh.

(GRUNTING)

Stretch! Oh, boy!

(GRUNTING)

Hey, you!

Make no mistake about this, you can count on this.

And I know this for a fact.

The Japs do not surrender and they don't take prisoners.

They have only one idea in mind. You know what that is?

Do you know what that is, sailor? CROWD: No!

To kill, that's right.

To kill you and to kill your families. Yes.

(CROWD BOOING)

To kill your families, your mothers, your loved ones, your pets,

and to keep on killing until they conquer the world.

(CROWD BOOING)

And when they do, you won't be able to speak...

Wally! ...your free mind.

You won't be able to go and worship God in your own way.

Pardon me.

You won't be able to walk down the main street of your home town

with your best gal on your arm anymore.

(CROWD BOOING)

MAXINE: Stretch! Stretch!

Look at Santa Claus. Isn't he cute?

(CROWD ROARS)

Do you think the Japanese believe in Santa Claus?

(CROWD ROARS)

Well, instead of turkey for your Christmas dinner,

how would you like to have raw fish heads and rice?

CROWD: No!

Do you think the Krauts believe in Walt Disney?

CROWD: Yeah!

Yeah? Well, was that Mickey Mouse I saw blitzkrieging across France?

CROWD: No! Wally?

Pluto in Poland? Oh, I'm sorry.

Or Donald Duck at Pearl Harbor?

CROWD: No!

This time we free the world or we lose it.

(CROWD CHEERING)

This time we win or we die trying.

Donna, would you lay off? I'm trying to steer!

What's wrong, Loomis? You're not airborne yet.

What are you talking about?

Look out the window, of course we're airborne.

We are, but you're not.

Post Cauliflower. Aircraft, 12 o'clock, proceeding west.

In Sector 12, sir, they're heading for LA.

What about visual information, sir?

To hell with visual information, they're Japs.

Let's go to red.

Red alert for Los Angeles.

Red alert.

(SIREN BLARING)

(CHEERING CONTINUES)

We sure as hell didn't start this war, but, by God, we're gonna finish it.

(CROWD CHEERING)

(AIR RAID SIREN BLARING)

(CROWD QUIETS)

(WHISPERING) Japs.

Japs.

This is it. Let's show those lousy Huns what we got.

(CROWD CHEERS)

All right. Prepare to mount up. Foley, let's go.

(LAUGHING)

(SIREN CONTINUES)

MOUSE: All right, you wise birds!

Now what?

You!

(BETTY SCREAMS)

Hi, Stretch!

(ALL SHOUTING)

(SIREN CONTINUES IN DISTANCE)

Ward, what's all that noise?

Are the Sciolis having a party?

(ALL WHOOPING)

(VON KLEINSCHMIDT SPEAKING GERMAN)

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(SOLDIERS SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(VON KLEINSCHMIDT SPEAKING GERMAN)

(WHISPERING) Invasion.

(WHISPERING) Japanese.

(RASPING) Joan!

(VON KLEINSCHMIDT SPEAKING GERMAN)

(WHISPERING) Tell your mother...

Mom, Dad's got something stuck in his throat!

What is it, dear?

Invasion!

(AIR RAID SIREN CONTINUES)

OFFICER: Boys, come on. Get that other spotlight out here. Let's go.

All right, you dog asses. Fall in here. Ten-hut!

Big brass, Sarge.

General Stilwell.

What a mess. What a goddamn mess!

Motor Sergeant Frank Tree... Bressler!

...reporting for combat duty, sir!

Get me Interceptor Command!

Is there a phone around here? In the theater, sir.

Get on it. Yes, sir.

Sergeant. Yes, sir!

Secure this area. Give me a one-block perimeter.

Yes, sir. What's the plan of action, sir?

Hold the block.

You can hold one block, can't you?

(SIREN STOPS)

It's quiet.

Too quiet.

(CAT MEOWS)

(PANTING)

Is the target in sight yet, Loomis?

Oh, it will be, just as soon as I make it through these hills.

(AIRPLANE APPROACHING)

Do you hear that?

Yeah.

More thrust.

(MOANING)

(GAGGING)

I see the son of a bitch. I'm going in after him.

Give it to me, Loomis. Oh, give it to me!

(DONNA SCREAMS)

(DONNA EXCLAIMING)

It's a Zero!

I see him, I see him.

Where?

OFFICER: Keep going, keep going. Come on! Keep going. Keep going.

I'm gonna hit the sign!

Forget the sign. Keep going. Perfect.

Oh, my God.

Oh, I've never felt anything like that before.

You're damn right. They think we're Japs!

(SINISTER LAUGH)

What are you guys shooting at?

I don't know. Whatever they're shooting at.

Okay, let's go!

God, am I in trouble now.

(SCREAMS)

I'm in trouble now!

Donna!

Oh, God, I'll be good! I'll be good!

Quit fooling around.

Donna, level it off!

(KELSO SINGING DEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS)

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Sarge, isn't it standard procedure

during an air raid to have a blackout?

Yeah, what are all these lights doing on?

I don't know. Must be a foul-up somewhere.

I guess we're gonna have to knock them out ourselves.

That's a great idea, Sarge.

Reese, advance me 60 feet, column left.

Take up a position. I'm gonna douse these lights.

There's no place like home.

There's no place like home.

Hey, kid, you're the greatest trick-foot artist I ever seen,

and I seen them all over the world.

Here. Just sign right here. Seven-year contract.

Where's Betty? Where's Betty? Start you off at...

She went out there.

MISHKIN: Wait! Hey, wait.

Hey, you. You! You with the stripes!

Hey, do you want to be a pal and come help me pick up my ammo?

Yeah, all right.

Thanks a lot, buddy.

Okay, forward ho. We're gonna draw trajectory on Dumbo!

(AIRPLANES PASSING OVERHEAD)

Look out!

(GROANS)

Tommies. SOLDIER: Sarge?

Tommies, the tommies.

Detroit is the arsenal of democracy. Sarge, Sarge!

He got knocked on the head. He always did have a glass head.

Look, he's babbling like an idiot. What are we gonna do?

You can't go out on me now, Sarge.

Please, you been like a father to me, Sarge.

I'll tell you what we're gonna do.

We're gonna go home. We're gonna paint the scratches on this tank.

We're gonna put the Sarge to bed,

and we're gonna forget this night ever happened.

I got him!

Knock out those lights, kid.

He wants me to knock out the lights.

You see the mess on the streets?

Well, I'm not gonna take the rap for this.

Well, he's that tap-dancing Yankee fry boy from this morning.

Yeah, I know, but he's wearing the stripes.

What'll it be, Sarge?

Right. Let's knock out these lights!

(SINISTER LAUGH)

(GUN FIRING)

Take that, Tojo. Take that!

This is war.

(GRUNTING)

Angelo, hurry. My husband is crazy.

He says he sees Japanese coming from the ocean.

Eat lead, slant.

(MACHINE GUN FIRING)

(SCREAMING)

(ENGINE SPUTTERING)

Has anyone in your command seen these Zeros?

RADIO ANNOUNCER: No, sir, but we're shooting at them.

Now, listen. I want you to think about this.

Bombs! I don't hear any bombs.

If they're up there, if they've come all the way from Asia,

don't you think they'd bring a few bombs along?

I don't know, sir, but... But nothing!

I can't have an air raid without bombs.

Come on, fly!

You can do it!

Donna, don't worry about this.

I'm gonna set this baby down if it's the last thing I do.

(SCREAMING)

Sayonara, sucker!

(LAUGHS)

Donna, are you okay? Donna?

Where are we? Where's the door?

(BOTH SCREAM)

(BOTH SCREAM)

DONNA: Where are we? What is this stuff?

Oh, my God, are we in trouble now.

(GUNS FIRING)

Hey, what the hell are you shooting at me for?

I'm an American. Can't you tell the difference?

(BULLETS RICOCHETING)

Holy shit, I better get my ass out over the ocean.

Hey, there's a Kraut on board, too.

We got the whole damn Axis here.

What are we gonna do?

Defend our homes, Angelo.

How do you expect to do that, Ward?

The army gave me a gun. I think it's high time we used it.

BOYS: Yeah!

CLAUDE: Hello? Hello?

Hello! Scioli doesn't answer me.

(SCREAMING)

Jesus Christ, it's a sub. Look, you guys, a Jap sub.

(SCREAMING)

Holy shit, Herb! The dummy's right.

Japs. It's a full-scale invasion.

Gimme that phone!

Japs!

(IN GERMAN)

(IN JAPANESE)

(IN GERMAN)

Coordinates, 1-3-0-5...

I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!

That's a Japanese Nakajima Type 97,

or I'm a bigger dummy than he is.

(RIFLE CLICKS)

(IN JAPANESE)

Oh, my God, I'm hit. I'm hit!

(LAUGHS)

Look at him burn!

(IN JAPANESE)

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

Oh, my God. It's a P-40 Tomahawk. It's one of ours.

Mayday!

Mayday! Mayday!

(MACHINE GUNS FIRING)

Hiya, doll.

Oh, God. No!

(EXCLAIMS)

That's my kind of girl. It's the end of the line, kid.

No more games.

(CLANGING)

Oh, God!

(SCREAMING)

Put me down!

(SCREAMING)

BETTY: Wally!

Wally! Betty.

Let's get this heap turned around now! Left! Now!

Wally!

(BETTY SCREAMING)

Let's go! Come on, let's move! Move!

You know, I can't beat you in a fair fight.

Stupid, I don't fight fair.

Neither do I.

(GRUNTS)

(ALL EXCLAIM)

Hiya, doll.

Follow that girl!

(SOBBING)

SOLDIER: Bring that back!

(SCREAMING)

Wally?

Wally.

(AIRPLANE SHRIEKING)

Hold on.

Oh...

My. God.

(EXCLAIMING)

Whoa!

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

KELSO: Okay, God damn it!

Ah! Oh! Hmm!

(MUTTERING)

I think he's gonna jump.

Geronimo! A-ha!

Whoa!

Made it!

(LAUGHS)

Huh? Oh.

(MOANS)

(CREAKING)

(SCREAMS)

It's coming down!

(CROWD SCREAMING)

My plane.

I lost my plane.

My... Sub! Jap sub!

Jap sub!

WALLY: Hold on, mister. We'll get you out of here in a second.

Listen, kid. What?

You gotta get that sub.

What sub? The Jap sub.

Where?

In the ocean, lame-o.

Offshore, near some goddamn amusement park.

The Japs are at Pacific Ocean Amusement Park?

Oh, my God, Wally, that's right next door to my parents' house.

Kid.

You gotta sink that sub.

FOLEY: Come on, Sarge. Come on, now. Sarge, come on, now.

That's it, Sarge. Come on. We got a nice pad for that head of yours.

That's it, Sarge. Come on. We'll go in the tank.

We'll have a drink, Sarge. We'll talk.

(KELSO LAUGHING)

Real Japs?

No, wooden Japs, cheetah.

What do you think? Get me out of here.

SOLDIER: Move it. Move it.

What the hell is that?

It appears to be an airplane, sir.

We tried to hold the block, sir.

The plane broke through our perimeter.

Head down Hollywood Boulevard to Highland.

Take Highland to Pico. Take Pico to...

Your mama was home when you left.

The cat was home when you left.

Your dad was home when you left.

The dog was home when you left.

Sound off. Sound off. FOLEY: One, two.

Wait, Sarge. Wait for me, Sarge. I'm coming, sir.

What's that?

It appears to be a large Negro, sir.

What's that?

A salesman. A businessman.

Accountant. A lawyer.

I'll grease your face with those treads, you punk bastard.

That? A corporal.

Stretch, I love you!

Soldier, are you the pilot of that plane?

Yes, sir. Captain Wild Bill Kelso,

United States Army Air Corps, sir.

I'm proud to report that I'm the first American

to shoot down a Jap plane over the continental United States.

You shot down a Jap plane?

Yes, sir.

A Mitsubishi Zero, sir.

Got back some of that scrap metal we sold them, sir.

Blew the living hell out of him right into the Stone Age.

Sir, we just got a report that a plane

went down in the La Brea Tar Pits.

That's him. That's gotta be the one. I told you I shot him down.

Is that a Jap plane, Sergeant?

They don't know, sir.

What do you mean they don't know?

Of course it was a Jap plane.

You don't think I'd shoot down one of our own, do you?

I'm not so sure.

The plane's not important, sir.

What's important is the submarine. The sub.

Submarine? Shot down a Jap sub, too.

No, sir. I could have, though.

I had him in my sights. I had that bastard right where I wanted him,

but I caught it in the radiator. He's still out there!

What about that plane? There must be a pilot.

That is the craziest son of a bitch I ever saw.

How many more like him do you think are up there?

(SHOUTING)

Aw, look. A baby wolf.

Where?

Gus, you can get into anything. Open up this ammunition.

Yes, sir. Stevie, round up the neighbors.

I'm gonna need help getting this gun

over to where I can get a clear shot.

Macey, stay close. Yes, sir.

That nice soldier told you not to touch the ordnance.

Don't you think you should call the army?

The army doesn't know what they're doing. I can handle this.

Get back in the house, Joan.

(STAMMERING) Ward, you're acting like Errol Flynn.

Joan, damn it. Shut up!

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

I just remembered.

I got two guys stuck on top of the Ferris wheel.

Somebody's gotta get them down.

Macey, get on your bike, get over to the amusement pier.

Dad, I gotta watch you sink the sub.

That's an order, son. Yes, sir.

Look, kid, this is the key to the control box in the Ferris wheel.

I know, I know, I know. Don't touch anything red or silver.

Yeah, I know. Right. Only blue.

Okay, everybody, over here. Get on this gun. We gotta move it over there.

We're sinking a Japanese sub tonight.

The cat was home when you left.

The dog was home when you left.

There's Officer Miller.

That's the guy that sent me up the river.

Those sons of Nippon are comin' up the beach right now.

Miller! Look at me!

Miller! Don't you know it's a blackout? Turn out your lights!

How'd you like that? I like it just fine.

Are you sure you wanna go through with this, Ward?

Okay. Now, a little of this...

Watch it. (EXCLAIMING)

All right.

There. There. Got him right in my sight.

(GASPS)

I don't think you're gonna hit him, Ward.

(GUNS FIRING)

(MAN MUTTERS)

I can't believe it. Why aren't they shooting back?

They can't see us, that's why.

(IN GERMAN)

(IN JAPANESE)

(GASPS)

Do not push a clip of ammunition into the feed rollers here.

(CAR HORN BLARING)

(SCATTING)

Oh, honey, I saw that movie. Watch this.

Going my way, sister?

Son of a bitch stole my tank.

First he gets egg on my uniform,

then he steals my girl, then he steals my tank.

That's the tank I sent to get that sub.

Yeah.

Near some amusement park.

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

You know where it is?

Yeah, sure.

Get in.

Come on. Go. Go. Go. God damn it! MAXINE: Let's go.

(LAUGHING)

Turn right. Go ahead. Turn right here.

(LAUGHING)

I'm a bug.

(IMITATES BUG BUZZING)

(BULLET RICOCHETING)

(SOLDIERS SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(IN GERMAN)

(IN JAPANESE)

(IN GERMAN)

(SCREAMING)

You should never pull this hand-operating lever to the rear.

Let's get out of here!

Do not restore the lever to the firing position.

Do not make sure that this cover is completely closed.

(WHIMPERING)

(SALUTING IN GERMAN)

(SALUTING IN JAPANESE)

(IN JAPANESE ACCENT) Lots of luck.

And never, ever, under any circumstances,

should you disperse...

Never, ever, under any circumstances...

(WHIMPERS)

Foot trigger.

Whoa!

(GASPING)

(SCREAMING)

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

I think about $150 to $200 will fix that.

Did it get them? Did it get them?

Close, Ward. Close.

Let's get this back out there. I'll blast them again.

All right.

(MAXINE SINGING)

Great, we're lost. Where the hell is it?

By the ocean.

The ocean? That's left.

No, straight. Right. Straight?

Right or straight?

I said straight, God damn it!

Sayonara, sucker. What are you doing?

(YELLS)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

Geronimo!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

(SINGING) Who's got the last laugh now?

(SITARSKI SCREAMING)

Hey, quit rocking the car.

Yeah, quit rocking the car.

Shut up. I wasn't rocking it.

(GUN FIRING)

Hey. Hey, you guys. I'm supposed to get you down.

Thank Christ.

It rolls easy once it gets started. Just kiss it.

(WOMAN SHOUTING IN ITALIAN) Don't worry, Ward. Gentle as a baby.

(YELLING)

There goes Dad.

WARD: Watch out.

(SCREAMING)

Open the door!

(SHOUTING IN JAPANESE)

Dad.

You're gonna wreck the whole house.

Boys, go upstairs to your room.

Don't come down until I call you.

You're ruining Christmas.

Lining it up.

(EXCLAIMS)

Too much. You wrecked the stairs!

Which one do I pull?

The one on the right. No, the one on the left.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

Wait. Wait. Wait.

Coming back.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

Now I've got them.

Ward Douglas, don't you dare fire that gun in this house!

(YELLING)

Boy, that was fun.

Wow.

(MITAMURA COMMANDING IN JAPANESE)

"Warning! Do not

"turn on

"switch."

Yeah.

(CALLIOPE PLAYING CARNIVAL MUSIC)

Oh, my God. That's the wrong switch.

Turn off those lights, you little asshole!

(IN JAPANESE ACCENT)

Oh, my God.

Trapped like beavers.

(IN JAPANESE)

Hollywood.

Hollywood.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

Give us this day, our daily bread, and deliver us from evil.

And please don't let me go to the same place he goes.

Oh, my God.

(SCREAMING)

MACEY: I can't... I can't stop it!

(SCREAMING)

(FERRIS WHEEL CREAKING)

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(ALL CHEERING)

Goodbye, Hollywood!

Hey, are you okay? Is he all right?

Boy, that was fun. Can we do it again?

You wanna do it again? Yeah, I wanna do it again.

You really wanna do it again?

(YELLING)

(LOUD CLANG)

I blew the exhaust manifold.

There's the ocean. Hang a right.

Who cares about the ocean, Wally? Right here.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Get it off me.

Hey, hey, hey. Get in the back of the tank.

(SCREAMS)

Wait for me.

Betty. Macey.

How's Mom and Dad?

They're fine.

Who knows how to load this gun?

He does.

(SCREAMING)

(IN JAPANESE)

Give me that. Give me that. Give me that. Give me that.

All right. Get it.

(SOLDIERS EXCLAIMING IN JAPANESE)

What's that?

Here, hold this.

Now, Sarge, what is the loading and firing procedure

for the 75-millimeter cannon?

There are five basic components...

This is it, pay attention.

...to the new General Motors electric refrigerator.

What? One, a Freon compressor.

What? Two, the Freon tube.

No, no. Sarge. Three, the power transformer.

No, Sarge. Four...

KELSO: Geronimo!

(MITAMURA SPEAKING JAPANESE)

Whoa! It's turning. Look, it's pointing this way!

(MITAMURA SPEAKING JAPANESE)

Torpedo!

Torpedo!

(SCREAMS)

(ALL YELLING)

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(LAUGHING)

Blackout. Blackout. Douse those street lights.

(MACHINE GUN FIRING)

Kill that theater marquee.

(IN JAPANESE)

(SQUEAKING)

(GRUNTING)

I made it. It's me, you yellow bastards.

Come on. It's me, Wild Bill Kelso!

(GROANS)

(GRUNTING)

I know you're in there, you yellow-bellied zipperheads.

(YELLING) (SQUEAKING)

Wally, did we get them?

I think so. She's going down.

All right. Hey! Where are you?

Oh, Geronimo!

All right. My name is Wild Bill Kelso.

And don't you... Shoot.

All right, turn this tub around.

You're taking me to Tokyo.

Anybody got a light?

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

RADIO NEWSCASTER: Roaring out of a brilliant blue western sky,

(WHISTLING)

foreign aircraft, flying both in large formation and singly,

flew over Southern California last night

and drew heavy barrages of anti-aircraft fire,

the first ever to sound over United States

continental soil against an enemy invader.

No bombs were reported dropped.

Shortly before 10:00 p.m., the police reported

that an airplane had been shot down into the La Brea Tar Pits.

(SNORING)

In other parts of the city,

fifth column acts were reported during the air raid.

Mysterious lights were spotted in many locales.

(CAR APPROACHING)

In the Tarzana hills, Burbank police

saw a string of lights in a "V" form,

pointing toward the Lockheed aircraft plant.

OFFICER: All right, fall in the yard. Fall in the yard, men!

Foley, Jones, Reese, Hinshaw. Ten-hut!

...and immediately, army searchlights shot into the sky.

Sergeant, what happened here?

Sir, while suppressing a riot on Hollywood Boulevard

last night with our tank,

I was struck unconscious.

My men, however, received a report about a Japanese sub

off the Santa Monica Pier from a downed Army Air Corps captain.

They responded immediately, went to the objective,

and at about 2300 hours, they engaged the enemy.

Damage?

The Japanese sunk both our tank and the Ferris wheel, sir.

I think we hit the sub. I saw it go down.

You see, sir, I...

Donna. Donna. Donna. Not now. Not now.

DONNA: Oh, honey.

And my girlfriend was there, because...

Well, there was this wild man there...

Son, is this a long story?

Yes, sir. Then save it.

Sir, I'd like to say something.

We've been through a lot, all of us.

We faced the enemy for the first time last night,

right in our own backyards,

and we came together,

put our differences aside and carried on in the true spirit of America.

I think no matter what happens,

what sacrifices we have to face,

we can carry forward like Americans.

While we're doing our repairs here,

I'm going to hang this wreath on my front door.

This symbol of Christmas, this symbol of peace.

I just want to remind us all that we're not going to let

a bunch of treacherous enemy killjoys ruin our Christmas.

(RUMBLING)

(GASPING)

Boy, that's great.

(JOAN WHIMPERING)

What?

(PEOPLE SHOUTING)

You got any tanks on the Burma Road, sir?

I'm just a motor pool sergeant, but I'm a great mechanic, sir.

You know, this year wasn't the big year of the war, '41.

I think the really big year is gonna be 1942.

(ALL SHOUTING)

Let go of me.

It's gonna be a long war.

FOLEY: Let me go. Let me go.

(SCREAMING)

Open the door!

(YELLING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(EXCLAIMING IN JAPANESE)

(LAUGHING)

That is the craziest son of a bitch I ever saw.

(SCREAMING)

Torpedo!

I heard it on that radio there.

(GUN FIRING)

(SCREAMING)

DUMMY: Jesus Christ, it's a sub. Look, you guys, a Jap sub.

You know, I can't beat you in a fair fight.

(SCREAMING)

Back. Back.

Sergeant? Sir, they're rioting in the streets.

Whoa!

Let's get out of here!

Hi, Stretch!

Close, Ward. Close.

Hell, that reminds me.

Kill them cockroaches back there in that flour sack.

Look at that!

There goes Dad.

Kill a few Krauts for me, huh? (CHUCKLES)