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Burlit House of Peoples.

Poet Nikifor-Troubetzkoy here was his own man.

He knew the shortest way to the oases where the light switches bryzzhut fee

under deciduous blue of departmental journals.

- Good morning! - A, Nikifor-Troubetzkoy, hello.

Posted wonderful poems. - We have a medical journal.

"The Ballad of gangrene.

It's time to expound in popular form idea of prevention.

Gavrila was suffering from gangrene

Gavril of gangrene collapsed.

"The Ballad of treason." Gabriel was wrong husband,

Gavrila unfaithful wives! Well, as a beginning?

In general, good. But it is bad. We - the youth magazine,

and you talk about some unbelievable things.

Well, where you saw that husbands have changed wives? I personally do not recall.

And then, it's our husbands, it is our wives. Absolutely typical.

I have another option.

Gabriel was an exemplary husband: Gavrila wives were faithful!

That is a much better note, much sharper.

"The Ballad of migraine:

Served Gavrila bureaucrat Gavrila was a bureaucrat.

"The Ballad of the substitution:

Although a fireman Gavrila,

Gavril gave the film shoot.

That you are pouring water? Found a place for swimming! You're mad!

Instead of crying, maybe You would go to the sauna?

See what you like! Just a picador.

- The key! - What key? - From flat. - Where the money is?

- You engineer Shchukin? - Yes.

- And you can not get into the apartment? - Uh-uh. - But it's so easy!

You just saved me! If not for you, and would have died!

- And I to you on the case, Comrade Shchukin. - Extremely be glad to serve you.

Case pushover. Your wife requested take this one down.

- For God's sake, please. - Thank you.

- Let me out of the newspaper, what happened? - Write: hit by a horse.

Journal Pimento? Nicephorus Trubetskoy.

Comrade Parizhansky, if I could today earn a fee? Urgent need of money.

Bailiff described my furniture. Can pick up.

Can I see a comrade NA Lapis Trubeckogo?

You have no right to make furniture. This is tyranny!

A chair for me, not a luxury this is my instrument of production.

I'm sitting on it, I am doing it. This lawlessness.

A debt I will return. A week. Place the chair immediately.

Sorry. Misunderstanding. Service was.

Bureaucrats. Out!

How many times have I said that stealing is sinful. Giant thoughts, the father of Russian democracy,

a person close to the emperor -- such melkougolovnye inclinations.

Keep in mind, get behind bars, I will transfer will not be.

You are not my mother, not sister not a mistress.

Unclear why, why, why, I met you for no reason, no reason at all.

I met you and lost the peace, clear why, the hell knows.

Ingenious!

- Mistake-Trubetskoi live here? - Lapis Trubeckoy. It's me.

What are you, comrade? Chase treasury courier fraught.

- What the courier? - You know yourself what.

- I beg you, citizen, to clear a chair. - No, sit. They have no right.

- Concerning the right to remain silent would be. - Sit down, do not give export furniture!

Resistance in the performance duties, Article 215.

Your name, citizen, will be a witness.

Who you have accused? - This is my wife.

False testimony - Article 321, Section 3, paragraph "g".

Citizen, or you stand up, or he will sit.

The law must be respected!

- Infer furniture. - No, not export. - It infer!

Lasers!

Fine. Each opening of a chair adds our chances.

Today I'm going into print. Newspaper "machine" in the House of Peoples.

In the House of Peoples was the pie, what occurs only at horse fairs,

just at the moment when all Society caught the pickpocket.

Where "machine"?

- What do you want? - Here is printed.

"Knocked down by horse citizen O. Bender. The victim got off lightly. "

- So what? - Address. - What is the address?

Citizen O. Bender in yellow boots.

Ah, Comrade Bender!

Comrade Bender! Gopher! My Cock!

The chances of them growing, and diamonds all there.

Farewell, my darling!

A marshal! What we found out Theater of Columbus?

The situation is very unfortunate!

- Report the situation. - Today in the closure of the theater season

tomorrow theater goes on tour!

Chairs creeping like cockroaches.

Four chairs leave, one is around here somewhere.

Of the two birds choose that that fatter.

Well, we go to the closing of the season.

I have invited you, ladies and gentlemen, in order to tell you unpleasant news:

We went to the auditor. - How the auditor?

Auditor of St. Petersburg. Incognito.

These are for!

Fragile reeds published in the darkness a rustling. Two lovers ...

Shumel reeds, trees bent!

Great find. It seems to be a song at anything, but what a lot of sense.

So, I invited you, so that tell you unpleasant news --

We went to the Auditor!

Our chairs in place, the auditor left, we can go.

Down, to drive them out! Down with the mayor!

Shame Lyapkin-Tyapkin!

Brilliant discovery - restless the intellectuals among the people.

Deep ...

Long live the labor merchants! Down bribes!

A magnificent symbol - separation from the people and fall.

My dear Kate. Money received for that I thank you heartily.

And engineer Bruns in Rostov was not. Lure him to Baku, where I was sent.

Do not worry, we have to endure for long.

God willing, soon we will live in Samara, near his candle factory.

- Chairs already loaded. - What do you rejoice? Passengers do not take.

See the inscription? "All in the circulation. The boat chartered lottery commission.

Along the way, they will produce circulation goszayma. - And where do theater?

Theater, in an understandable form for the masses, will advocate goszaymov.

And what can we do?

- He got sick, I tell you. - Why did you not tell me sooner?

- How could I know that the artist was sick? - Take in the city and bring another.

- Where do I go? The ship is now retiring. - Then you yourself draw.

Here you lupoglazenky, which artist needed! Yes, you.

- Now you can go with us? - Difficult, but I'll try.

- And what about payment? - Payment of approved rates.

In addition, a free table and a separate cabin.

- Cause. But with me still a boy. - Which boy? - Assistant.

- At the boy's credit is not released. - Then I'm sorry.

If at your expense, please let them live in your cabin. That's key!

The key to the apartment where the money is? - What?

I say, boy I smart. Used to the spartan surroundings.

Do you stand as zasvatanny? Skip this citizen!

- What is this, your boy? - Boy.

Who can say that this girl let him cast the first stone at me.

Stop here, if someone will sing louder.

- What to sing? - In any case, not "God Save the Tsar".

Dear Comrades, let us rally considered open!

The heart of beautiful women, tends to change And to change like the wind of May.

Lasky we love them, even though they are false, Can not live without ...

Let the laughs, let entrain,

I, personally, but change itself!

- Night vskroem! - Of course!

Eat!

Give here!

And where are the diamonds?

You are amazingly quick-witted, hunter stools.

Diamond, as you see, no.

Quiet, sad, silent. Do not beat yourself ears, cheeks, do not.

Someday we will laugh at this chair, which was found this board.

Hang on, here are three more chairs. 99 chances in a hundred.

In this sketch on this shield, 3 meters, we to make the banner.

By the evening. Time? - Do not worry.

To be implemented on time and at a high ideological and artistic level.

You know how to draw? I'm sorry, I too.

But these letters? And I do not know how? Not bad. We're artists.

Come on!

Now turn out!

- Stop the trade. How? - 35 rubles. Oh, beat us!

When will beat you cry and now go to the pier,

hire a boat and wait for me the appointed place.

Comrade Bender, how do you play you? - Do not worry, I'm in good form today.

The first course of E-2, E-4, and we'll see!

Comrades and brothers in chess!

The subject of my lecture - fruitful debut idea.

What brothers, debut, and that is, comrades, an idea?

The debut of the brothers, this is - kvaziunofantaziya. Well, it's all understandable.

And that is, comrades idea?

The idea that the human mind, clothed the logical form of chess.

Even with insignificant forces can acquire the entire board.

It depends on each individual separately.

Some of you are well others are bad.

And no lectures will not change this balance of forces.

If each of you, brothers, daily, hour will not train in drafts!

Chess! Proceed.

Did you know that the club "Four Horses" can completely transform the city Vasyuki?

I propose: in Vasyuki must arrange International chess tournament!

In tournament chess fans gather around the world.

Hundreds of thousands of wealthy foreigners swing over to Vasyuki!

State to urgently build railway line

and highway Moscow - Vasyuki. Hotels-skyscrapers for guests

Palace of chess, which will occur tournament, super radio,

Airport Big Vasyuki, regular sending planes to all parts of the world,

including Rio de Janeiro and Melbourne. Just imagine!

And think what will happen when the tournament ends and all the guests leave?

Residents of Moscow, crowded living crisis, people in your city.

Capital automatically enters Vasyuki. Vasyuki renamed New Moscow

Moscow - in the Old Vasyuki!

Chess thoughts turn applied science

and invent ways interplanetary communications.

Communications shall be made as light as moving from Rybinsk in Yaroslavl.

In Vasyuki held the first in the history interplanetary chess tournament!

The first chess tournament between teams Vasyukov and Big Dipper

completed a convincing victory vasyukintsev. Hurray, comrades!

Grandmaster played the E-2-E-4 ...

On the other boards Ostap did the same operation:

dragged royal pawn with E-2 to E-4.

On the third run showed that grandmaster played 18 Spanish parties.

In the remaining 12 black used while outdated, but surely protect Felidora.

If Ostap learned that he played such sage Party

it would be extremely surprised. The fact that played chess for the second time in his life.

I gave the elephant! Cunning! Rook Framed, lures!

He sacrificed my queen! What?

Surrender, it's too late.

Mat ... You mate, comrade grandmaster.

Yes, mate. I congratulate you, young man, you are making progress!

- Only that there was a rook, and now it is no more? - So never happened.

- Where she had gone, you won it? - Won.

- Which course? - At 15-m. What are you fooling?

Give up - and say. - I know everything they can.

- The office said. - This is outrageous. Give back my rook!

Comrades See it! Amateurs beat!

- Keep GM! - Dude!

Keep grandmaster, keep ...

- Go, Kitty! - My bag!

Come on, come on!

Take care of pince-nez, Kish, about to begin!

- Lord, do you see us beat? - And how!

Dandy! Why do not you beat her Grandmaster?

You, if I remember correctly, like beat me?

Farewell, lovers of strong chess sensations

Viva Club Four horses! Hurray, comrades!

Good morning, Marshal!

Oh, it seems, Cheboksary.

Here we sell our trophies, then we have enough money to get to Pyatigorsk.

There we wait for the theater.

See our chair floats!

Hi, buddy Long time no see!

You know, so this chair reminds me our lives.

We are also going with the flow.

We are drowning, we vyplyvayem, although this one is not happy.

Nobody does not love us, except Criminal Investigation

who also loves us.

We are strangers at the feast of life.

What?

Expensive and my precious Kate. With every passing hour brings us to happiness.

Soon we will have money in abundance. Osyadem are good, in Samara,

beside his little factory, and nalivochku will drink.

According to its geographical position and the number of population the city of Baku

significantly higher than the city of Rostov. However, behind the city of Kharkov.

Say here extract kerosene.

And engineer Bruns moved to the city of Batumi. Way out of here for 15 rubles. Send 20.

CW. Your forever. Husband Fyodor.

All ten of the case, eh?

Dusya, you irritates me.

I'm a man, exhausted narzan. - How much do you want?

Polsta. Property the government.

Agree. Take 20. Do you agree? In your eyes that you agree.

Consent - is a product with full Resist the parties.

Well to lay down, dog. Learn.

- And when the chairs will be? - Money in advance!

On the morning of money - the day chairs. Day of money - in the evening chairs.

In the evening the money - at night chairs. Night the money - in the morning chairs ...

A morning can be chairs during the day the money?

Can. But the money in advance!

But please note: tomorrow is leaving the theater. Tour.

What are you doing? My jacket.

I wear it 15 years, and he still like new.

Do not worry. He soon will not like new!

- Give me my hat! - Do not give your hat!

Tell the leader, but can you French say:

"Gentlemen, I have not eaten for 6 days!" - Please!

So this: (text in French).

Well pronunciation you, Kisulya! And to what extent you know German?

- Why do I need? - Then, what would you go to the park

and will be in French, German and Russian languages to beg.

Never Dough not stretched out his hands.

So stretch out his legs, you old fool!

How do you like this Alphonse? Three months I feed him, sing, nurture,

and now he is in third position and states - never!

One of two things: either you immediately starts to perform his duties

or do I exclude you from among shareholders of the concessionaire. I think five.

- Yes or no? - Yes.

Repeat the spell.

(Text in French). - I do not believe, do not believe. Compassionate.

More music in her voice. Go away.

German let. - (Text in German).

Well, you know German. In Russian, let's.

- Bring something to eat. - Serious. Tear give!

Bring something to feed former Duma.

Brilliant. You have the talent to beg laid in childhood.

Go and no money do not come back!

(Text in French).

Lord, please submit something to feed former Duma.

So-called "failure" was considered attraction of Pyatigorsk.

This was the only place where vacationers can get for free.

Ostap decided to remedy this unfortunate omission.

Citizens who purchase tickets at the entrance the "failure". Input 10 kopecks.

Get tickets. Children 5 kopecks, union members - 10 kopecks.

Not union members - 30 kopecks.

- How much is the tickets? - Members of the union 10 kopecks,

but as representatives of the police can be equated to the children,

something from you by 5 cents. - Give us 10 tickets.

- Tell me, what purpose fee is charged? - In order to repair the "failure",

so as not to fall through.

- And what is it? - Third chair no. Sent out with the decorations.

- How to be a third chair? - Do not make premature hysterics.

Maybe you are 150 thousand.

Maybe I am. Permit.

My definition of heavy. - Let me carry it.

- Musik, well, ready gusik? - Do not bother me.

- Musik, you do not feel sorry for your guy! - Get out, glutton!

- Generous excuse me, where Engineer Bruns? - I Engineer Bruns.

You're mad, get up. - Do not get up.

- For you my dear, dear, I hope. - What is it?

Do not dare to sit in the presence of VIPs.

Musik, talk to this citizen.

In my house do not become no matter what lap.

- My dear, my dear. - No I'm not your mother. What do you want?

- Why do I need to sell their chairs? - Yes it is my chairs.

How is yours? Musik Gusik!

- How is yours? I have that, you stole them? - No, my God!

, This suite - the former property my wife, seated at his deathbed.

Not on his own audacity, but merely the will wife, in order to please Her last moments,

I ventured to disturb you. Ready not stingy and pay whatever.

At least 20 rubles. - 20 rubles for a beautiful suite?

Musik, this is insane! Honestly, crazy.

I'm not crazy, but only carry out the will who sent me his wife.

Damn, again began to crawl. Musik, he again crawls.

- Assign the same price. - Do not spoil the tree!

Assign the same price!

In my opinion, he is not crazy, but man, upset his wife's illness.

Can sell him a chair? Rid of. He smashes his forehead.

- And we'll sit on anything? - We will buy more.

- This is for 20 rubles? - For 20 rubles, of course, not selling.

Not selling, and for 200, and for 250 - selling.

No, I'm tired of it! - This is insane!

First, get away from the palm trees, not less, than 3 steps.

Secondly, immediately stand up.

Thirdly, the furniture I'm selling you for 250 rubles, not less.

... tokmo pursuant to the will of the patient's wife. - My wife is also ill, but I do not ask,

that you have sold your jacket for 30 cents. - Take a gift.

Throw your jokes. 250 and no less.

- 50! - Musik, invite Yerofei Pavlovich.

Yerofei Pavlovich, can you at the moment?

Spend.

55!

60 rubles. Not for personal gain, but ...

70! 75!

80! 85! 90! 95!

100 rubles!

100! 125!

135!

145!

155!

Damn you! 200 rubles Only Get off!

Wait a Muslim!

Yeah, I'll show you!

Note charming species breathtaking landscape. Wonderful air.

5 days left path, and ahead 150 thousand, 00 cents.

- I'm hungry! - Kisulchik, be patient!

Money go! Give me the money!

Alpine begging! Sacred cause!

Give me the money! Money Come, I tell you!

Give me the money!

Money go! Give me the money!

30 kopeks. The premiere was held with success.

Note marshal great people - Kohl and Mika.

Let us, and we perpetuated? Zabem Mika tanks, we write

"Kitty and Osya were here.

What has become of the treasures of the murdered you Tiffany's? He said when he, a sinner!

A rival firm!

Keep it, he stole our sausage! Hold on!

Give me the sausage, you fool!

I'll forgive you!

Take me, I'll give the sausage!

- Mother! No I am not your mother, I am Queen Tamara.

In my kingdom, please do not become no matter what your knees!

- Not for personal gain, but ... - But merely the will of the wife who sent thee. I know.

- And how do you know? - I know! We went to, neighbor!

Candle factory! Nalivochki drink in 66 play, eh?

I'll call in the week.

Angels!

Not for personal gain, but merely who sent name of Queen Tamara.

People! Repent publicly!

- Why did you seal the theater Columbus? - Tours prematurely finished.

In deference to the wishes of the workers tour stop.

Where left that damned theater not you know?

I know. In Yalta left.

- In Yalta? - Up to Yalta, Kitty, you do not reach.

Damn, fortune!

- So. Behind us is 2 months. - My God!

Tomorrow safe house We will wait for an ambush.

We are glad to meet in this troubled environment devoted fighter.

I hope with your help to save his father Russian democracy. I'll give you a pistol.

I am ready to save the father of Russian democracy to provide financial assistance.

You - a true son of the Fatherland.

- 500 rubles can save the giant thoughts. - A 200 rubles can not save?

I think bargaining is not appropriate!

Forgive me please!

Lord, watch over us again. Sing, smile.

And now pay off as a waiter and quietly go away.

Union "Sword and Plowshare. Them alive we will not surrender!

Go and do not come here more!

All right!

Kitty! In which case, we did not find out. Provincials. For me, the leader!

That's our future, now and the past.

Comrade Bender! What is it?

Soon on the street!

- Let vskroem! - To hell with you!

Disappear from your chair, and me, my life path as a memory.

This was the first big blow of the Crimean earthquake of 1927.

Earthquake stand in the way of the great schemer.

Give me a chair. You, I see, I'm bored keep him.

- I will not! - What? Mutiny on the ship? Give me a chair!

- This is my chair! - What?

Vorobyaninov, dear!

Found?

That's the thing that I found! Kish, damn you soul!

Brilliant combination of brilliantly held until the end. Antique adventure.

New railroad club know? Our chair there.

First floor, third window from the corner.

Last night through this window we could safely get into the club.

And yet, my dear, we can relax. Assume that the money in your pocket.

Incidentally, the marshal, Why you money?

What do you mean why? What nonsense.

Well, what you buy, Kisulya? After all, you have no imagination.

No, the money I will not give you. This self-indulgence.

I will also take you to his secretaries. 40 rubles a month, overalls, tips, eh?

Well, I was joking. Will you have money Margo will be cream-eating,

batiste footcloths wear.

The meeting continues.

Comrade Bender died.

This is the same room?

And here is the same supriz.

Here he is chair, about which I told you.

I served in the old club security guard, Take a supply clerk and buy this chair.

I got up at him once a poster nail, and upholstery burst.

It was found in the stool bourgeoisie were hidden jewels.

- Do not be! - Maybe it can.

Here are those jewels and built this new club.

And I took away the prize - 50 rubles. Here, the costume right.

There can be, can not be!

The meeting was considered closed, Thank you for your attention!

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