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1
00:00:05,336 --> 00:00:07,510
Hey, watch where the [bleep]
you going.
2
00:00:07,578 --> 00:00:10,017
- Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry.
- Oh.
3
00:00:11,484 --> 00:00:12,921
I didn't see you had
a baby there, man.
4
00:00:12,990 --> 00:00:15,297
I'm sorry. I ain't trying
to fight nobody with a baby.
5
00:00:17,749 --> 00:00:19,956
Yeah, h-hell yeah,
you won't.
6
00:00:20,922 --> 00:00:22,511
Pfft.
7
00:00:25,215 --> 00:00:27,724
- Lucky mother[bleep].
- Oh, yeah?
8
00:00:27,781 --> 00:00:29,935
Well, you're lucky
I'm carrying this baby.
9
00:00:30,022 --> 00:00:31,343
What's up with that?
10
00:00:31,871 --> 00:00:34,037
Look, man, you need
to move on, all right?
11
00:00:34,055 --> 00:00:36,057
I already told you
I'm not gonna fight you.
12
00:00:36,079 --> 00:00:38,454
Huh.
That's what I thought, punk.
13
00:00:38,522 --> 00:00:39,897
- Psh.
- You wanna go?
14
00:00:39,945 --> 00:00:41,329
'cause we can go
right now, dog.
15
00:00:41,350 --> 00:00:42,554
What's goin' on, brother?
16
00:00:42,621 --> 00:00:44,000
Man, what the hell
are you doing, man?
17
00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:45,574
What, what, what?
You tr... what, what?
18
00:00:45,642 --> 00:00:46,879
Tryin' to bo...
I can bob and weave it.
19
00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:47,992
- What?
- You bitch-ass,
20
00:00:48,009 --> 00:00:49,447
punk-ass mother[bleep],
let's go.
21
00:00:49,482 --> 00:00:50,602
Come on, man.
Come on.
22
00:00:50,602 --> 00:00:52,268
No, no, don't look at your boys.
Look at me, man.
23
00:00:52,284 --> 00:00:53,387
Don't look at your b...
24
00:00:53,631 --> 00:00:54,442
Ow.
25
00:00:55,254 --> 00:00:56,633
Oh, okay,
you think you hard.
26
00:00:56,643 --> 00:00:57,722
All right,
but you know what?
27
00:00:57,789 --> 00:01:01,432
I'ma show you what time it is
right now. Okay? Slap me.
28
00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:03,342
I'm just... right?
How 'bout this, huh?
29
00:01:03,402 --> 00:01:05,198
Now what you gonna do, huh?
Now what you gonna do?
30
00:01:05,243 --> 00:01:06,805
You ready?
'cause we can do it right now.
31
00:01:06,815 --> 00:01:08,066
'cause I could take you out,
man.
32
00:01:08,079 --> 00:01:08,730
You're nothing...
Aaah...
33
00:01:08,923 --> 00:01:09,994
Ow!
34
00:01:10,012 --> 00:01:12,286
Oh! Oof.
35
00:01:12,812 --> 00:01:13,466
Okay.
36
00:01:13,509 --> 00:01:14,779
Oh, it's on now.
37
00:01:14,796 --> 00:01:15,967
That's... yep.
38
00:01:16,010 --> 00:01:17,782
You dead.
You dead.
39
00:01:19,272 --> 00:01:20,509
Excuse me, I need this.
40
00:01:20,728 --> 00:01:21,831
Yeah.
41
00:01:22,820 --> 00:01:24,759
Necesito un bebe.
42
00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:25,659
- Gracias.
43
00:01:34,448 --> 00:01:34,967
Listen.
44
00:01:35,502 --> 00:01:36,538
What the...
45
00:01:36,983 --> 00:01:39,625
What now, man?
What now?
46
00:01:39,685 --> 00:01:40,889
Let's go.
47
00:01:41,082 --> 00:01:44,644
You know what?
It's not even worth it, man.
48
00:01:44,747 --> 00:01:46,931
Ahh, ha ha.
49
00:01:46,989 --> 00:01:48,426
That's what I thought!
50
00:01:48,494 --> 00:01:49,731
So keep walking!
51
00:01:49,775 --> 00:01:51,547
Oh. Okay, that's vomit.
52
00:01:51,916 --> 00:01:52,785
That is vomit.
53
00:01:53,830 --> 00:01:54,962
Oh, dear.
54
00:02:17,114 --> 00:02:18,283
You know what's going on.
55
00:02:18,352 --> 00:02:19,389
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
56
00:02:19,456 --> 00:02:21,730
- Thank you!
- Oh, yeah.
57
00:02:22,695 --> 00:02:23,800
Hello!
58
00:02:28,477 --> 00:02:30,625
Good evening.
I am Keegan-Michael Key.
59
00:02:30,642 --> 00:02:32,451
- I am Jordan Peele.
- And we are Key and Peele.
60
00:02:32,451 --> 00:02:34,090
- Key and Peele.
- Thank you for coming out.
61
00:02:35,016 --> 00:02:37,345
That's our names.
62
00:02:38,024 --> 00:02:39,145
All right.
63
00:02:39,163 --> 00:02:40,810
So one thing that is true
64
00:02:40,846 --> 00:02:43,219
is that I would never, uh,
last in a gang.
65
00:02:43,319 --> 00:02:44,355
- Nor would I.
- No.
66
00:02:44,374 --> 00:02:45,489
Nor would I,
not for one moment.
67
00:02:45,558 --> 00:02:48,482
I mean, I don't get
the whole hand sign thing.
68
00:02:48,499 --> 00:02:49,703
- Mm-hmm.
- I'd be throwing up,
69
00:02:49,844 --> 00:02:51,684
"Hey, live long and prosper,
mother[bleep]."
70
00:02:51,752 --> 00:02:52,814
You know?
71
00:02:53,342 --> 00:02:55,182
- That's what I got.
- I...
72
00:02:55,201 --> 00:02:57,140
I would be too concerned
about the colors.
73
00:02:57,188 --> 00:02:58,611
- Right.
- I would just be too c...
74
00:02:58,624 --> 00:03:00,087
I would... 'cause I don't
understand the colors.
75
00:03:00,087 --> 00:03:01,519
I don't understand
the rhyme or the reason.
76
00:03:01,519 --> 00:03:03,530
Now, Bloods...
I get that one.
77
00:03:03,974 --> 00:03:05,570
Why are Crips blue?
78
00:03:06,294 --> 00:03:09,003
Is that a arbitrary choice?
Is there a Crip in the house?
79
00:03:10,141 --> 00:03:11,011
Nobody? Nobody?
80
00:03:11,473 --> 00:03:12,676
I'm just... I'm just...
81
00:03:12,917 --> 00:03:14,529
Yes, ma'am, please.
Why are the Crips blue?
82
00:03:14,572 --> 00:03:15,675
She just r...
83
00:03:15,688 --> 00:03:18,063
"I'm a Crip.
I'm a Crip.
84
00:03:18,063 --> 00:03:19,966
"I'm a Crip.
Say somethin' else."
85
00:03:22,111 --> 00:03:23,784
- "Watch yourself."
- "Say somethin' else."
86
00:03:23,802 --> 00:03:25,408
"Watch
yourself.
87
00:03:25,452 --> 00:03:27,994
"'cause, [bleep],
I got three guns
88
00:03:28,007 --> 00:03:29,417
on me right now."
89
00:03:38,147 --> 00:03:39,048
What? What? What?
90
00:03:39,116 --> 00:03:40,982
What? What? What?
Check yo'self,
91
00:03:40,999 --> 00:03:43,139
before I body pierce
your damn skull.
92
00:03:43,057 --> 00:03:45,228
Think you can pull that trigger
'fore I blow your personality
93
00:03:45,186 --> 00:03:46,216
out the back of yo' head?
94
00:03:46,216 --> 00:03:47,955
Then go right ahead
and test the hypothesis
95
00:03:48,122 --> 00:03:49,292
and see what happens.
96
00:03:49,334 --> 00:03:52,497
A'ight, I'ma give you
a straight-up vampire C-section,
97
00:03:52,562 --> 00:03:54,454
- like we was...
- Edward and Bella.
98
00:03:57,060 --> 00:03:59,808
Hold up.
You like Twilight?
99
00:03:59,822 --> 00:04:01,440
Yeah, I like Twilight,
[bleep].
100
00:04:02,649 --> 00:04:03,919
You like Twilight?
101
00:04:03,987 --> 00:04:06,393
[bleep], Twilight's
my jam.
102
00:04:07,279 --> 00:04:09,453
You a Edward [bleep]
or a Jacob [bleep]?
103
00:04:10,241 --> 00:04:11,812
Answer that [bleep]
together.
104
00:04:11,855 --> 00:04:14,132
- Three, two, one.
- Edward.
105
00:04:14,326 --> 00:04:16,333
- Shi...
- Shi...
106
00:04:16,721 --> 00:04:18,978
- Are you [bleep]ing with me?
- Are you [bleep]ing with me?
107
00:04:18,985 --> 00:04:20,686
You either playing
some [bleep]ed-up game,
108
00:04:20,686 --> 00:04:22,693
or you are straight-up
inside my head.
109
00:04:22,711 --> 00:04:24,623
Yo, and when you said
you was gonna blow
110
00:04:24,638 --> 00:04:26,645
my personality
out the back of my head,
111
00:04:26,689 --> 00:04:27,926
I'm like,
112
00:04:28,063 --> 00:04:29,902
"That sounds like some [bleep]
I would say."
113
00:04:30,321 --> 00:04:32,095
- Psh.
- And now this Twilight [bleep]?
114
00:04:32,110 --> 00:04:33,199
- It's wavelength, [bleep].
115
00:04:33,224 --> 00:04:35,893
- So I guess we friends then.
- Oh, we best friends now.
116
00:04:35,983 --> 00:04:37,316
We the best of friends!
117
00:04:37,316 --> 00:04:40,131
- BFFs?
- We are BFFs, M.F.
118
00:04:42,308 --> 00:04:46,027
♪ When I'm with you ♪
119
00:04:48,214 --> 00:04:51,920
♪ The world stops turning around ♪
120
00:04:52,069 --> 00:04:55,828
♪ When I'm with you ♪
121
00:04:56,849 --> 00:05:00,251
♪ Our feet are off the ground ♪
122
00:05:00,786 --> 00:05:04,318
♪ When I'm with you ♪
123
00:05:06,196 --> 00:05:09,425
♪ Trumpets start to sound ♪
124
00:05:09,624 --> 00:05:12,906
♪ When I'm with you ♪
125
00:05:14,941 --> 00:05:17,739
♪ It's Heaven
when you're around ♪
126
00:05:18,396 --> 00:05:20,453
♪ La, la, la, la... ♪
127
00:05:21,241 --> 00:05:22,288
No, you didn't!
128
00:05:22,981 --> 00:05:24,321
- No, you didn't.
- Yes, I did!
129
00:05:25,061 --> 00:05:27,089
That is a cra...
That's a crazy story, man.
130
00:05:30,002 --> 00:05:31,574
Whew, too much, boy.
131
00:05:46,450 --> 00:05:47,700
Team...
132
00:05:48,508 --> 00:05:50,950
Edward.
133
00:05:56,406 --> 00:05:58,077
Mm, mm, mm.
134
00:05:58,096 --> 00:06:01,486
Well, looks like
another gang-related killing.
135
00:06:03,147 --> 00:06:06,888
Surprise, sur-mother[bleep]-
prise.
136
00:06:12,234 --> 00:06:14,710
You guys remember the
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers?
137
00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:17,853
- Awful show.
- That show was crazy.
138
00:06:17,900 --> 00:06:20,007
It was, like, the worst editing
in the history of TV.
139
00:06:20,050 --> 00:06:21,086
Just bad sound effects.
140
00:06:21,605 --> 00:06:23,142
Yeah, totally.
Yeah, I mean...
141
00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:25,267
When was the last time
you heard a hit sound like that?
142
00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:27,356
- That doesn't sound like any...
- No, never.
143
00:06:27,445 --> 00:06:28,883
No, I've never...
I've never heard that, yeah.
144
00:06:29,151 --> 00:06:31,459
I love in kung fu movies,
and it, probably... it'd be like,
145
00:06:31,526 --> 00:06:32,771
just the wind, just...
146
00:06:34,638 --> 00:06:36,146
And you just hear that noise.
147
00:06:39,986 --> 00:06:41,444
- No, you can't.
- Exactly, no, you can't do that.
148
00:06:44,387 --> 00:06:46,127
♪ Saving Earth from space ♪
149
00:06:46,162 --> 00:06:49,340
♪ Power Falcons! ♪
150
00:07:01,355 --> 00:07:03,462
Yellow Falcon,
what do your senses tell ya?
151
00:07:03,529 --> 00:07:04,833
Destructo is
a killing machine.
152
00:07:06,324 --> 00:07:08,691
His armor is impervious
to our blasters.
153
00:07:09,687 --> 00:07:11,033
You got any ideas,
Red Falcon?
154
00:07:11,050 --> 00:07:12,756
Sure do, Yellow Falcon.
155
00:07:12,798 --> 00:07:15,699
Blue Falcon, you remember
our battle at Dango Bluff?
156
00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:18,176
I'll take the legs,
you take the blasters.
157
00:07:18,195 --> 00:07:20,670
It was Beaver Creek,
and I took the legs.
158
00:07:21,187 --> 00:07:23,287
Make sure you shore up
that flank, Black Falcon.
159
00:07:23,630 --> 00:07:26,424
Um, are you talking to me?
160
00:07:26,543 --> 00:07:29,133
Because I'm
the Green Falcon.
161
00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:30,919
No time for that,
Black Falcon.
162
00:07:30,987 --> 00:07:32,157
Purple Falcon,
arm missiles!
163
00:07:32,675 --> 00:07:34,549
Roger that.
Arming missiles now.
164
00:07:35,575 --> 00:07:35,972
Uh...
165
00:07:36,165 --> 00:07:38,065
Battle formations.
We're going in.
166
00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:39,049
- Hey.
- Roger that.
167
00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:39,905
- Hold up.
- Copy that.
168
00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:42,489
- Roger.
- My Falcon is green.
169
00:07:42,532 --> 00:07:44,037
Hey, hey, hey.
We can talk about
170
00:07:44,104 --> 00:07:46,647
our Falcon colors when we get
back to base, Black Falcon.
171
00:07:46,690 --> 00:07:48,294
Right now,
we got a mission to do.
172
00:07:48,437 --> 00:07:49,808
Fall into Falcon formation.
173
00:07:53,407 --> 00:07:55,782
Well, now, here's the issue
is that, you're gonna
174
00:07:55,782 --> 00:07:58,458
give me an order, I'm not gonna
know you're talking to me.
175
00:07:58,599 --> 00:08:00,668
'cause...I'm not
in a Black Falcon.
176
00:08:00,709 --> 00:08:02,634
Come on, chill it out,
Black Falcon.
177
00:08:02,677 --> 00:08:04,884
Yeah, Black Falcon,
relax.
178
00:08:04,953 --> 00:08:06,255
First of all,
I don't like the way
179
00:08:06,289 --> 00:08:07,451
you guys are saying "black."
180
00:08:07,770 --> 00:08:09,643
Second of all,
there is no Black Falcon!
181
00:08:09,812 --> 00:08:10,948
I'm Green Falcon!
182
00:08:11,016 --> 00:08:12,923
Black Falcon, homie,
183
00:08:12,966 --> 00:08:15,006
no one's trying to get up
in your grill here.
184
00:08:15,024 --> 00:08:17,606
Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh.
Don't talk to me like that.
185
00:08:17,826 --> 00:08:20,033
No, don't say "grill"
like that.
186
00:08:20,126 --> 00:08:22,970
I'm the Green Falcon,
and I...
187
00:08:22,988 --> 00:08:25,396
Oh, stop being
so Black Falcon about it.
188
00:08:25,414 --> 00:08:27,153
What the [bleep]
do you mean by that?
189
00:08:27,296 --> 00:08:28,968
Black Falcon, brother,
190
00:08:28,986 --> 00:08:30,491
I understand
what you're going through.
191
00:08:30,559 --> 00:08:32,798
Do you?
No, I don't think you do.
192
00:08:33,169 --> 00:08:36,065
How would you feel if
I called you Red Falcon, huh?
193
00:08:36,131 --> 00:08:37,234
Whoa!
194
00:08:37,251 --> 00:08:38,326
And Purple Falcon,
195
00:08:38,407 --> 00:08:42,187
how would you feel if I called
you Yellow Falcon, huh?
196
00:08:42,405 --> 00:08:44,177
- That's racist.
- That was racist.
197
00:08:44,220 --> 00:08:47,131
- Yeah, that's racist.
- Ooh, that is racist.
198
00:08:47,299 --> 00:08:48,567
That's racist?
199
00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:51,607
Oh, see, okay,
nope, forget it.
200
00:08:51,639 --> 00:08:53,612
Black Falcon out...
Green Falcon!
201
00:08:54,154 --> 00:08:56,373
Green Falcon! Damn it!
202
00:08:56,749 --> 00:08:59,962
Hey! Why'd that Green Falcon
fall out of Falcon formation?
203
00:08:59,981 --> 00:09:02,523
Black Falcon,
get on that and report back.
204
00:09:02,841 --> 00:09:05,644
Black Falcon?
Black Falcon, come in.
205
00:09:05,787 --> 00:09:07,664
♪ Saving Earth from space ♪
206
00:09:07,706 --> 00:09:09,727
♪ Power Falcons! ♪
207
00:09:11,709 --> 00:09:15,255
You know what's ridiculous?
When people go to prison
208
00:09:15,474 --> 00:09:17,678
because they... they're trying
to cover for somebody else.
209
00:09:17,728 --> 00:09:19,166
- Yeah.
- Don't go to prison.
210
00:09:19,285 --> 00:09:21,827
If you... if you do...
if you didn't do the crime...
211
00:09:22,150 --> 00:09:24,290
Both: Don't do the time.
212
00:09:24,333 --> 00:09:25,361
It's true.
213
00:09:25,407 --> 00:09:26,955
And that's one to grow on.
214
00:09:29,922 --> 00:09:31,796
But, you know,
in prison they, you know...
215
00:09:31,863 --> 00:09:33,334
It's not worth anything.
216
00:09:33,403 --> 00:09:35,075
- No, it's not.
- It's not worth anything
217
00:09:35,143 --> 00:09:37,886
to just straight-up
get manhandled, and horseplayed,
218
00:09:37,954 --> 00:09:40,529
and monkeyed around.
No, you don't want any...
219
00:09:40,597 --> 00:09:42,302
- Eh, yeah, no.
- You don't want to have
220
00:09:42,317 --> 00:09:45,683
animal interactions
with another man behind bars.
221
00:09:45,750 --> 00:09:47,232
I don't want
any rascally behavior.
222
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:48,632
- I don't need...
- You don't want...
223
00:09:48,648 --> 00:09:51,003
everybody's undying respect
when I get out is not worth it.
224
00:09:51,072 --> 00:09:52,477
- No, and as a matter of fact...
- I don't care.
225
00:09:52,548 --> 00:09:54,253
you might not get
that undying respect...
226
00:09:54,268 --> 00:09:56,157
- Respect, yes.
- If, you know...
227
00:09:56,507 --> 00:09:58,901
when you fart it goes...
wooh... like a bottle.
228
00:09:58,969 --> 00:10:00,039
like a bottle.
229
00:10:00,107 --> 00:10:01,979
Like an empt...
230
00:10:05,628 --> 00:10:06,398
I'm sorry.
231
00:10:16,095 --> 00:10:18,812
Ma'am...
Breathe.
232
00:10:26,922 --> 00:10:29,052
Yo, man, you okay in here?
233
00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:31,528
Everyone on the outside
know you didn't talk.
234
00:10:31,596 --> 00:10:33,670
We got mad respect
for you, dog.
235
00:10:33,737 --> 00:10:35,478
All right?
Mad respect.
236
00:10:36,528 --> 00:10:37,618
Yes.
237
00:10:37,814 --> 00:10:41,242
And I am still happy
with that decision.
238
00:10:41,993 --> 00:10:43,459
The first time
I was in lockup,
239
00:10:44,237 --> 00:10:46,733
dog, I was scared
[bleep]less, man.
240
00:10:46,825 --> 00:10:49,465
Scared [bleep]less, yes.
That is an...
241
00:10:49,532 --> 00:10:51,238
accurate way
to describe it.
242
00:10:51,306 --> 00:10:52,777
Yeah, man, but, you know,
243
00:10:52,845 --> 00:10:55,195
it wasn't too long before
I made this place my bitch.
244
00:10:55,234 --> 00:10:58,834
Oh, eh, there's plenty
of that going on.
245
00:10:58,902 --> 00:11:00,473
Yo, I ran this place, man.
246
00:11:00,542 --> 00:11:02,916
Come on, man, you must be
running this [bleep]hole.
247
00:11:02,941 --> 00:11:05,506
Well, I am doing
quite a bit of running.
248
00:11:05,549 --> 00:11:07,873
Man, you know there's a
certain pecking order in prison.
249
00:11:07,938 --> 00:11:09,668
You know, you got
the brothers on the top,
250
00:11:09,731 --> 00:11:11,437
and you got the brothers
on the bottom.
251
00:11:11,696 --> 00:11:12,733
You understand.
252
00:11:12,750 --> 00:11:15,325
Yes, I understand that
very clearly
253
00:11:15,345 --> 00:11:16,917
and very frequently.
254
00:11:17,418 --> 00:11:18,777
That's my dog.
255
00:11:20,168 --> 00:11:21,269
Now...
256
00:11:21,338 --> 00:11:25,154
the reason I came, though,
is we got kind of a problem.
257
00:11:27,039 --> 00:11:29,715
You know a crazy brother in here
go by the name of "Seven Inch"?
258
00:11:29,783 --> 00:11:32,593
Yes.
I definitely know Seven Inch.
259
00:11:32,660 --> 00:11:34,099
All right,
well Seven Inch run
260
00:11:34,116 --> 00:11:36,055
with the Willis brothers,
all right?
261
00:11:36,072 --> 00:11:37,586
And he knows
some [bleep] that...
262
00:11:38,299 --> 00:11:40,645
Well, let's just say we can't
have this guy naming names.
263
00:11:40,670 --> 00:11:41,910
All right?
264
00:11:43,208 --> 00:11:45,032
We thought since you
on the inside,
265
00:11:45,098 --> 00:11:46,537
you could take care of it.
266
00:11:47,072 --> 00:11:48,411
You know what
I'm talking about?
267
00:11:48,478 --> 00:11:50,495
You want me
to take care of Seven Inch?
268
00:11:50,591 --> 00:11:52,582
Yeah, you know,
just take him out the equation.
269
00:11:52,750 --> 00:11:55,266
The problem is
getting time with him.
270
00:11:55,334 --> 00:11:57,054
Oh, I can get time
with him.
271
00:11:57,916 --> 00:12:00,409
Oh, yes, I do believe
I will most likely
272
00:12:00,446 --> 00:12:01,898
be seeing him this evening.
273
00:12:01,935 --> 00:12:03,174
That's awesome.
274
00:12:03,294 --> 00:12:05,074
Okay, but you...
you gotta get him alone, though.
275
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:08,193
Ohhh...
That won't be a problem.
276
00:12:08,242 --> 00:12:09,312
Okay, well, uh...
277
00:12:09,526 --> 00:12:11,455
What's your plan, man?
How you gonna do it?
278
00:12:11,663 --> 00:12:14,209
What do you say
I bite his [bleep] off?
279
00:12:14,910 --> 00:12:16,164
Excuse me?
280
00:12:16,871 --> 00:12:20,690
Just bring my teeth down hard
on his [bleep].
281
00:12:21,886 --> 00:12:23,758
Dog, how you...
how you gonna get that close?
282
00:12:24,228 --> 00:12:27,179
Just...Way ahead of you
on that one.
283
00:12:29,634 --> 00:12:32,758
Oh, man.
You bad, man.
284
00:12:32,898 --> 00:12:35,306
That's... that's some
hard [bleep], dog.
285
00:12:35,425 --> 00:12:37,705
This place
has changed you, man.
286
00:12:39,495 --> 00:12:40,965
You have no idea.
287
00:13:08,551 --> 00:13:10,659
- I'm scared of cops.
- You're scared of cops?
288
00:13:10,727 --> 00:13:12,031
I'm scared of cops.
289
00:13:12,119 --> 00:13:14,385
I-I mean, I'm generally
afraid of cops because
290
00:13:14,385 --> 00:13:16,552
when I walk around with, like,
a black friend,
291
00:13:16,665 --> 00:13:17,686
like you...
292
00:13:20,464 --> 00:13:23,058
I start... I start talking
a little bit more thug
293
00:13:23,064 --> 00:13:24,416
- 'cause, you know...
- No, I know.
294
00:13:24,449 --> 00:13:26,472
- We nee... yeah.
- Because we need the extra power.
295
00:13:26,491 --> 00:13:28,899
- We need this.
- To make one full black person.
296
00:13:28,989 --> 00:13:30,477
- We need this.
- So, you know.
297
00:13:32,301 --> 00:13:33,567
It's gotta be right about
298
00:13:33,582 --> 00:13:34,719
- this level right...
- I swear to God...
299
00:13:34,761 --> 00:13:35,564
But you know what I'm saying,
brother?
300
00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:36,629
You know what I'm saying?
301
00:13:36,678 --> 00:13:38,052
Didn't you just get more
comfortable all of a sudden?
302
00:13:38,062 --> 00:13:38,939
Yeah, all right.
303
00:13:40,378 --> 00:13:43,695
So, but a cop... if a cop
comes up to me on the street and,
304
00:13:43,712 --> 00:13:44,747
"Hey, what are you guys doing?"
305
00:13:44,763 --> 00:13:46,543
I-I turn into [bleep]
Ned Flanders.
306
00:13:46,592 --> 00:13:48,254
It's all, "Hi-dee-oh.
307
00:13:48,468 --> 00:13:50,131
"Doing just fine.
Just walking down the street
308
00:13:50,174 --> 00:13:51,785
"on a stroll, my friend.
309
00:13:51,853 --> 00:13:53,358
"Come on, follow me.
310
00:13:54,061 --> 00:13:56,367
"We'll find some criminals
together, let's do it."
311
00:13:56,431 --> 00:13:57,507
Oh, man.
312
00:13:57,575 --> 00:13:59,332
- "I'll tell on anyone."
- So...
313
00:13:59,442 --> 00:14:00,263
"I'll tell on..."
314
00:14:15,754 --> 00:14:17,232
Was I speeding, officer?
315
00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:20,733
You don't look like
you're from around here.
316
00:14:20,829 --> 00:14:22,540
No, sir.
317
00:14:25,265 --> 00:14:26,845
You been doing
any drugs tonight?
318
00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:27,871
No, sir.
319
00:14:27,941 --> 00:14:29,355
- Nope?
- No.
320
00:14:32,466 --> 00:14:33,776
Why don't you
pop that trunk,
321
00:14:33,792 --> 00:14:35,504
step out of the vehicle
for me, please.
322
00:14:36,207 --> 00:14:37,776
- Really?
- Yeah.
323
00:14:45,025 --> 00:14:46,512
No drugs, huh?
324
00:14:46,892 --> 00:14:47,526
Nope.
325
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,199
Well, well, well.
326
00:14:55,477 --> 00:14:56,613
What have we here?
327
00:14:56,655 --> 00:15:00,192
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You planted that in my car.
328
00:15:00,234 --> 00:15:01,924
Oh, did I?
329
00:15:04,604 --> 00:15:05,971
Or... did I plant this?
330
00:15:05,990 --> 00:15:08,012
Uh... I real... I guess...
331
00:15:08,053 --> 00:15:09,268
Up against the car,
right now.
332
00:15:09,337 --> 00:15:10,242
- Oh!
- Spread 'em!
333
00:15:10,283 --> 00:15:12,217
- Uh...
- Huh, what's going...
334
00:15:12,281 --> 00:15:14,197
Whoa, whoa.
What do we have here, huh?
335
00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:16,112
- What?
- These your colors, homie?
336
00:15:16,180 --> 00:15:17,737
- That's... that's not mine. Huh...
- Huh?
337
00:15:17,819 --> 00:15:19,203
- No, I don't know what that...
- What? No?
338
00:15:19,267 --> 00:15:20,873
Or are these your colors?
339
00:15:20,941 --> 00:15:23,449
Or perhaps these
are your colors.
340
00:15:24,126 --> 00:15:25,809
Or are these... ?
Look at all these colors.
341
00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:27,745
Man, you sure got
a lot of colors.
342
00:15:27,772 --> 00:15:30,080
- I don't...
- Look at all of these colors.
343
00:15:30,174 --> 00:15:32,271
- What, this is...
- Wasah!
344
00:15:35,757 --> 00:15:37,831
- Are you a real cop?
- Freeze!
345
00:15:37,899 --> 00:15:39,735
What is that?
346
00:15:39,813 --> 00:15:40,843
Mm.
347
00:15:41,382 --> 00:15:42,951
Well, well, well.
348
00:15:43,335 --> 00:15:45,362
It looks like
an illegal firearm.
349
00:15:46,458 --> 00:15:47,607
Or...
350
00:15:48,909 --> 00:15:50,440
Is it? Ahh.
351
00:15:50,816 --> 00:15:51,813
Oh.
352
00:15:56,955 --> 00:15:58,828
I'm... I don't...
I don't know what this is.
353
00:15:58,921 --> 00:16:00,761
- I'm sorry.
- Pick a card.
354
00:16:01,242 --> 00:16:02,821
That's not even a good fan.
355
00:16:02,862 --> 00:16:04,735
Any card.
You can just stick... there.
356
00:16:04,752 --> 00:16:06,324
- Okay, you took that card?
- Yeah.
357
00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:08,140
- Now, can you remember that card?
- Yes.
358
00:16:08,150 --> 00:16:09,462
Can you commit that card
to memory?
359
00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:11,378
- This is unbelievable.
- Have you done so?
360
00:16:11,514 --> 00:16:13,186
- Have you done so?
- Yes.
361
00:16:13,410 --> 00:16:16,496
Please insert the card back
into the deck randomly.
362
00:16:16,510 --> 00:16:17,151
Done.
363
00:16:17,219 --> 00:16:19,962
It's in a different place than
where you took it originally?
364
00:16:20,031 --> 00:16:22,632
- There.
- There we are. There we are.
365
00:16:22,697 --> 00:16:25,926
- This is ridiculous.
- Now, I take the deck like so.
366
00:16:26,358 --> 00:16:30,121
I give it a "skasloisles"
and "abracasloish."
367
00:16:32,212 --> 00:16:34,374
Uh, fu... wha...
368
00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:35,734
Okay...
369
00:16:38,757 --> 00:16:42,133
Ahh. Is this...
your card?
370
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:44,066
- No!
- Are you sure?
371
00:16:44,066 --> 00:16:45,337
I want your badge number.
372
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:49,435
Oh. Oh. Oh!
373
00:16:53,711 --> 00:16:56,325
Uh... uh... wha...
374
00:16:57,113 --> 00:16:58,201
Okay...
375
00:16:59,170 --> 00:17:00,407
- Oh!
- Haah.
376
00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:01,727
Uh...
377
00:17:02,274 --> 00:17:04,013
It's my ca...
How did you do that?
378
00:17:04,159 --> 00:17:05,541
Ahh.
379
00:17:07,547 --> 00:17:08,751
And...
380
00:17:09,825 --> 00:17:10,987
that is for you.
381
00:17:12,912 --> 00:17:15,320
After all that,
you're still giving me a ticket?
382
00:17:15,648 --> 00:17:17,016
Is it a ticket?
383
00:17:17,430 --> 00:17:20,949
Or is it a two-for-one coupon
for my show
384
00:17:20,967 --> 00:17:23,416
at the Magic House
Thursday night at 11:00 p.m.?
385
00:17:24,021 --> 00:17:25,849
Your call.
386
00:17:29,692 --> 00:17:31,129
I'll take the ticket.
387
00:17:31,781 --> 00:17:33,152
Great. Okay.
388
00:17:38,727 --> 00:17:40,634
Do you want to talk
about that tweet?
389
00:17:40,686 --> 00:17:42,351
- Well there... yes, there was...
- Yeah.
390
00:17:42,424 --> 00:17:44,903
Wha... uh, a few months ago,
I did a...
391
00:17:44,968 --> 00:17:48,415
a tweet that,
uh... it was a...
392
00:17:48,844 --> 00:17:50,282
basically,
a hypothetical.
393
00:17:50,282 --> 00:17:52,089
- Mm-hmm.
- And it asked the question,
394
00:17:52,156 --> 00:17:53,983
"What if names were farts?"
395
00:17:55,035 --> 00:17:55,971
- Mm-hmm.
- What if,
396
00:17:56,038 --> 00:17:59,219
instead of names,
we had signature farts?
397
00:17:59,237 --> 00:18:02,482
We were identified,
personally, by farts.
398
00:18:04,861 --> 00:18:06,625
And we felt
that it was a good idea...
399
00:18:09,048 --> 00:18:11,851
to use lots
of Comedy Central's money
400
00:18:13,932 --> 00:18:17,365
to bring you this scene
based on that very premise.
401
00:18:17,824 --> 00:18:19,428
Shame on you if you laugh.
402
00:18:20,969 --> 00:18:21,778
Please, enjoy.
403
00:18:25,598 --> 00:18:28,272
- Honey, someone's here.
- Oh. Okay.
404
00:18:31,985 --> 00:18:34,528
Oh, hey ...,
good to see you.
405
00:18:34,578 --> 00:18:36,265
Thanks for having us,
....
406
00:18:36,305 --> 00:18:38,346
This is my girlfriend,
....
407
00:18:38,362 --> 00:18:39,544
We're so happy
you could join us.
408
00:18:39,559 --> 00:18:41,432
And this is my wife,
....
409
00:18:41,696 --> 00:18:43,569
So this is the infamous
410
00:18:43,642 --> 00:18:45,757
... and ....
411
00:18:45,901 --> 00:18:48,243
... has told me
so much about you both.
412
00:18:48,629 --> 00:18:49,825
All good things I hope.
413
00:18:50,389 --> 00:18:51,818
You can never trust ....
414
00:18:51,911 --> 00:18:53,297
Hey, wait a minute.
415
00:18:53,851 --> 00:18:55,730
And please, please,
don't call me ....
416
00:18:55,797 --> 00:18:57,534
It makes me think
my mother's around someplace.
417
00:18:57,581 --> 00:18:58,555
Oh.
418
00:18:59,592 --> 00:19:02,201
Hey, you know, where is
little ...?
419
00:19:02,243 --> 00:19:05,789
Oh, she's at ...'s house
for a slumber party.
420
00:19:05,857 --> 00:19:09,593
- Ah.
- Oh, um, ... and ...,
421
00:19:09,611 --> 00:19:11,184
there's... this is the couple
from New York
422
00:19:11,223 --> 00:19:12,761
that we wanted you guys
to meet.
423
00:19:12,778 --> 00:19:16,403
Uh, this is ...
and her husband ....
424
00:19:16,419 --> 00:19:18,181
They're gonna be in New York
for a few weeks,
425
00:19:18,181 --> 00:19:19,833
so we were hoping you could
give them some tips.
426
00:19:19,833 --> 00:19:20,562
- Ooh.
- Sure.
427
00:19:20,593 --> 00:19:21,796
Oh, that'd be great.
428
00:19:21,966 --> 00:19:25,513
So, how do you know
... and ...?
429
00:19:25,555 --> 00:19:27,877
Oh, well ...
and I went to
430
00:19:27,972 --> 00:19:30,916
... School of Dramatic Arts,
431
00:19:30,957 --> 00:19:33,634
back when ...
was working in midtown.
432
00:19:33,702 --> 00:19:35,307
- Mm.
- Oh, where did you work?
433
00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:39,164
I was at ..., ...,
...,
434
00:19:39,211 --> 00:19:40,958
and ....
435
00:19:41,152 --> 00:19:42,032
Oh, the law firm.
436
00:19:42,074 --> 00:19:43,913
- Hey!
- Oh, hey.
437
00:19:43,955 --> 00:19:45,493
- Ha!
- How are you?
438
00:19:45,535 --> 00:19:47,408
- It's so good to see you.
- Good to see you.
439
00:19:47,450 --> 00:19:48,512
Come here.
Hey, everybody,
440
00:19:48,559 --> 00:19:51,841
this is ....
441
00:19:51,935 --> 00:19:53,392
I want you meet
one of my dearest,
442
00:19:53,423 --> 00:19:54,808
oldest friends, ....
443
00:19:54,826 --> 00:19:55,762
This is his girlfriend,
....
444
00:19:55,777 --> 00:19:56,726
- Hi.
- Hey.
445
00:19:56,743 --> 00:19:57,860
- Hello.
- Of course, you know ....
446
00:19:57,907 --> 00:19:59,800
- Oh, hi.
- This is ...,
447
00:19:59,817 --> 00:20:02,435
and this is her husband,
....
448
00:20:02,452 --> 00:20:04,526
- Hi.
- What a beautiful name.
449
00:20:04,569 --> 00:20:07,211
You know, I knew
a ...
450
00:20:07,614 --> 00:20:08,852
in grad school.
451
00:20:08,888 --> 00:20:09,959
Oh.
452
00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:12,083
Well, thank you,
but it's actually pronounced
453
00:20:15,039 --> 00:20:17,921
Wow, I swear that sounds like
what you were saying ....
454
00:20:17,954 --> 00:20:18,351
I don't know.
455
00:20:18,369 --> 00:20:19,883
Anyways, it's lovely
to meet you all.
456
00:20:19,902 --> 00:20:21,398
Yeah, yeah, okay, yes.
457
00:20:22,486 --> 00:20:24,096
Robert!
458
00:20:26,723 --> 00:20:28,757
I'm so sorry.
Heinrich!
459
00:20:30,150 --> 00:20:31,368
I'll...
460
00:20:31,436 --> 00:20:33,076
show myself to the restroom.
461
00:20:33,203 --> 00:20:34,474
Wow, uh...
462
00:20:34,594 --> 00:20:36,702
- Jeez.
- So rude.
463
00:20:36,743 --> 00:20:39,185
Well, for ...'s sake.
464
00:20:41,789 --> 00:20:42,805
Thank you, everybody.
465
00:20:42,847 --> 00:20:44,612
Thank you so much
for coming out.
466
00:20:44,653 --> 00:20:46,659
I am the Yellow Falcon.
467
00:20:46,674 --> 00:20:48,718
I am the Black Fal...
Green Falcon!
468
00:20:48,739 --> 00:20:50,162
- Green, oh--
- Green Falcon!
469
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:51,997
Good night, everybody.
Take care.
470
00:20:58,716 --> 00:21:01,492
♪ I'm gonna do
my one line here ♪
471
00:21:01,745 --> 00:21:03,617
Oh, yeah.
33583
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