Original subtitles

A Rudolf Thome film

Tigerstripe Baby Is Waiting for Tarzan

We're married now.

- Pull over. Pull over. - Why that?

He doesn't look like he would need our help.

- Still. - Come on. I want to go home. I'm tired.

I love you.

Can we give you a little ride?

And as soon as we leave Milan behind us, it starts to rain.

Three weeks in Italy, and it feels like I spent New Year's Eve in Denmark.

Three weeks. Can you imagine? It was our honeymoon.

- Are you superstitious? - Absolutely.

Aren't you?

My name is Luise.

And that's Theo.

My husband.

My name is Frank.

- Frank Mackay. - Frank.

And ten kilometers behind Munich, the sun is already shining again.

I think one should be able to sue someone else for that. Don't you?

I think I've lived abroad too long.

Berlin is now a complete mess. And I don't mean the construction sites.

I also don't know my way around anymore.

It's a huge chaos.

I mean, Berlin has changed so much in the past five years.

He's dead.

You know what?

You're coming with us now.

You can stay until tomorrow.

Theo has to make a statement at the police station.

I don't want to go home alone now.

Don't you want to take off your backpack?

Take it off.

You're not very talkative, Frank.

I'm all the more talkative for it.

I inherited it from my grandma. My mouth is constantly in motion.

It's already a habit.

If you want to say something, you have to interrupt me.

Well? No?

Then don't.

However, that was not a habit.

You seem so familiar to me.

Sleep well, Luise.

Go back to sleep.

He was Russian.

Thank you.

If you have any need, please let me know, Professor.

- I wish you a pleasant stay. - Thank you very much.

You're a professor?

Are you surprised?

I would like to see you again, Professor.

Give me a call.

Yes, that's fine. That should not be a problem.

- Goodbye. - Goodbye, Professor.

Yes, fine. Then that's what we'll do.

Tigerstripe Baby Is Waiting for Tarzan

Hello, Luise.

I don't know anyone else in this city.

Don't you...?

Don't you want to tell me why you're actually here?

Well, it doesn't really matter.

I don't actually want to talk right now.

You know?

You know what I want right now?

I want...

I want to dance now.

You smell so good.

If you asked me now if I would come to your place, I would say yes right away.

- I haven't asked you. - Theo flew off to Frankfurt.

- Don't you love him? - I do.

Do you now think I'm immoral?

This kind of thing can happen.

Or not?

I don't think that's a good idea.

Well, then it won't happen.

Then I'll have to sleep alone.

And dream about you.

A pity.

Yes?

I would like to talk to the boss if that's possible.

I'm the boss.

Oh!

Professor Frank Mackay.

Ah, that was you on the phone yesterday?

- Yes. - Please come inside.

Do you work for the press?

No, in fact...

A pity. Laura's book could use some press coverage.

Since last week, 750 copies have been sold.

That's neither enough to live nor enough to die. Neither for Laura, nor for me.

A coffee?

- Did you like the book? - Yes.

I think it's wonderful.

I think Laura is wonderful too.

That's why I published the book.

I think I'm pretty much a failure as a businesswoman.

Let's sit down.

I'm definitely a very bad cleaning lady.

But I'm an excellent publisher.

Is Laura just like the book?

You have asked nicely, Professor.

You know that I'm not allowed to give you Laura's address.

Here.

Tell her that you got the number from me.

Hello.

Frank Mackay.

Seventh floor.

No, but...

No, I don't hate you.

Just a moment, now please listen to me.

I still love you, but I don't want to sleep with you anymore.

And I don't want to cook for you anymore.

And I don't want to go to the cinema with you anymore.

And I don't want to go on vacation with you either.

Well, I just want to be alone and be a writer.

Well, because you have no other choice at all.

Besides, I'm hanging up now. I have a visitor.

A professor from America.

And anyway, it's none of your business.

No. No. I also don't want you to call again.

These are for you.

Can I offer you something to drink, Professor?

My name is Frank.

Do you smoke, Frank?

No.

But maybe I should give it a try.

No. Rather not.

It's a vice.

But at least not one with which you hurt someone else.

It's beneficial to me when I'm writing.

I've read your book.

And? What do you want to know?

I would like to get to know you.

Rather not.

I'm in a crisis right now.

Since when do you write?

I started when I was 17 years old.

Back then, I fell in love with my German teacher.

I started writing poetry to appeal to him.

Then I slept with him.

Or he slept with me. I don't know.

Take my word for it.

I never really thought about writing.

I had lots of men and wrote lots of short stories.

And now I've finished my first novel.

And I've broken up with my boyfriend.

I don't really know what to do next.

Maybe I should think about it.

Do you actually know what kind of novel you have written?

I hope so.

A work of art exists on many different levels.

Whether the person who created it knows about it is irrelevant.

I assure you that your novel is a work of art.

Now stop that, Frank

Oh my god, you smell good.

You have a bright future ahead of you.

I want to go to the countryside now. To take a swim.

This is my lake.

What kind of professor are you?

Archaeology.

Do you have to do with mummies and Egyptians?

Not really.

I'm hungry.

Can I invite you?

In fact, you have to. I don't have a penny on me.

Do you know where to exchange this?

They told me at the bank

that they only buy it if one has an account.

Just admit it, Frank.

You're not a professor, you're a mail robber or something like that.

The banks are closed now anyway.

But we could go to a gold trader.

Wait, can I touch it?

Come on, let's go.

May I?

One hundred percent gold.

I would suggest 4000. With ID card.

3000 without ID card.

Will a passport be sufficient?

Only if you're officially registered here.

I'm sorry, these are the regulations.

Officially registered?

Well, then take my ID card.

Thank you. Can I copy it?

Well then.

1000. 2000. 3000. 4000.

Do you also buy larger quantities?

If you call in advance, you're welcome to come here with a whole ton.

When it's melted down, no one will recognize what it was before.

Thank you very much.

- Thank you very much. Goodbye. - Goodbye.

Just a moment.

My business card. You can come back anytime.

Maybe we shouldn't have done it after all.

This one is for you. You've earned it.

Okay, Professor. May I invite you to dinner?

Breathe in very carefully, or you'll have to cough.

You see? It's not so easy.

Say, do you have more of those things?

Of the gold bars?

I would like to dance with you

I was about to suggest the same.

And?

Yes.

You'll at least never lack money.

- Tigerstripe Baby. - Tarzan.

Are you real?

Yes.

What should I do now?

Just lie there.

I can't.

It tingles everywhere.

And where did you read that sentence?

It was engraved on a stone.

I couldn't get it out of my head.

And there was no further information.

I checked thousands of computers from that time to learn more about it.

Then I came across your name.

And a digitized photo of you.

And then I learned your language.

And I came here.

I don't believe it.

I can't believe it even if you talk at me for two hours.

This defies all logic.

Logic is an invention of the past two and a half thousand years.

Counting from your time.

And how old are you?

1214 years.

- But the gold bars are real? - I'm also real.

How many more of those do you have left?

One hundred. Now still ninety-nine.

That's almost half a million. And you just leave it lying around in the hotel?

Hold on.

Don't turn around now. I want to check something.

Holy shit.

I trust you, but I don't believe you.

But you can believe me.

If you were indeed immortal, you would be gods.

And what would a God be doing in our age?

We miss the women very much.

Shit!

Shit.

Hello. Is this the locksmith?

Can you please come by as soon as possible?

Agnes-Straub-Weg 13. Seventh floor.

Laura Luna. Yes, I've been burgled.

I need a new lock. How long will it take?

Okay, thanks. I'll wait.

You can't go back to the hotel.

We can't call the police either.

We can't explain to them where you're coming from.

I have a valid American passport.

You're getting us into trouble.

I could call a friend to pick up the gold from the hotel and bring it here.

The porter knows Luise.

Excuse me?

You already know your way around 20th century womankind pretty well.

Okay.

But tell her we'll meet someplace else.

Say, are you quite sure that she didn't open the wooden boxes?

I asked her not to.

And how long have women been extinct in your time?

She certainly found the gold and made a run for it.

Luise wouldn't do that.

I'm sorry for being so late, but I had a little accident.

Theo will kill me when he sees the scratch.

It's nice to see you again.

That's Laura.

I came to Berlin because of her.

And that's Luise.

Her husband and her gave me a ride in their car.

Do you have Frank's belongings with you?

Let's address each other informally.

- Say, where did you get all that gold? - Didn't I tell you?

I have to at least know what I'm carrying around with me by the ton.

The BMW. I've seen it before.

Say, is there some way you can get us out of here?

- This is really fun. - What about your car?

Well.

One moment. Can you get my hat and suitcase out of it?

Yes, of course.

So let me sum it up.

You are in love? Right?

Right.

Frank is my friend. And one does a lot of things for a friend without asking.

Right?

Right.

Now we already get to a somewhat more intricate question.

Frank has half a million worth of gold in his luggage

and some gangster is on your tail.

How is it that an American professor

has half a million worth of gold in his luggage?

The gold is mine.

It's very difficult to explain.

Ah!

In fact, he comes from the future.

From the year four thousand and something.

He is here to take me with him.

Because in his time there are no more women in the world.

Women have simply become extinct. Go figure.

And the men have become immortal and are bored.

Without women.

Ah!

And you brought the gold with you to be solvent, just in case?

More or less.

And how does the guy in the BMW know about the gold?

We sold a gold bar to a gold trader in Kreuzberg.

Since then, the car has been following us.

And he followed you to the rest stop.

Okay. But why is the car following my vehicle now?

Oh, damn it!

I can't stand that at all.

Luise, you're awesome.

I'm also starting to get an idea now how this guy found you.

But first I have to get off the highway for a short while.

Can I have a quick look inside your suitcase?

There's nothing in it.

There you go.

What's that?

A tracking device.

How do you know what a tracking device looks like?

Theo is into that kind of thing.

He attached one of those things to me once. I almost went crazy.

Imagine your husband showing up four times a day

and claiming it was pure coincidence.

That's very romantic.

I was then disappointed as a result.

Are you mad?

Thank you. Bye!

That's the bedroom.

There's enough space for three people.

Frank is mine.

I know.

I'll go shopping then. Where is the nearest supermarket?

- What? Will the three of us stay here? - If you don't mind.

I don't mind.

Ah!

Drive about six kilometers in this direction.

- Do you want me to come with you? - I prefer to drive alone.

I still have to get clothes, since I'm not prepared to spend the night.

And I have to let Theo know where I am, otherwise he'll call the police.

Give me some money.

Is that enough?

It's way too much.

In return, I will prepare a royal meal for you tonight.

I can't believe that women have become extinct in your time.

How could that happen?

Nobody knows.

The more our lives prolonged, the fewer girls were born.

A pity.

Hello Luise, we went out for a little walk. Laura

and Frank

Oh, look.

What a huge mushroom.

We'll take you with us.

Are you sure it's not poisonous?

Pretty much.

I won't poison you.

I want you to stay here.

I don't want to live in a time where there are no more women.

The food will be ready in half an hour.

What's that?

A giant mushroom.

Can we eat it?

As long as it's not too old.

You're a genius, Luise.

Where did you learn to cook like that?

My grandma taught me.

She always said that good food is more important to a man than good sex.

Well, she didn't say sex. I don't quite agree with her either.

But I always paid close attention.

To be sure.

- We toast to your grandma. - But she's been dead for a long time.

Regardless.

Theo nearly showed up here.

He said he would tear me to pieces if I cheated on him.

Theo is kind. I think he misses his car.

He gave me two weeks off, and I thanked him for it.

Maybe he can use your car so that he doesn't miss me so much.

You'll be checkmated in two moves.

Who is winning?

Laura.

Me.

I will take my leave.

Good night.

I forgot how good you smell.

Do all men from your time smell this good?

No idea.

You can give it a try.

That would indeed be a reason.

If I go with you, will I be allowed to have sex?

You can do whatever you want.

Will I then also be immortal?

No.

All the women we have brought to our time have died.

Good.

Because I don't actually want to be immortal.

Good morning.

Good morning.

I'm jealous.

I want you to know that.

And what's planned for today?

I was thinking today might be a wonderful day

to start a new novel.

That's very nice.

Can we help you with that?

No, unfortunately not.

I have to write it on my own.

Then I will cook for the author.

And me?

You're the decoration.

That's very important.

Very important.

What would actually happen if you were not to return?

Nothing.

No one would come and bring you back?

Why that?

You're lucky.

Where's Frank?

In the kitchen.

I would like to read a novel of yours.

Frank has one with him. Just ask him.

Oh!

Oh, that feels good.

You're completely tense.

You can't work like that.

Look what I've caught.

Is it poisonous?

Then she would have already bitten me.

That's a regular brown snake.

It's harmless.

I'm afraid of snakes.

I think I'm going to keep it.

Well, in that case we're now complete.

I'll go get the food.

Have you ever slept with a woman?

No.

Could you imagine doing that?

Yes.

Swear to me that you won't read my manuscript.

Is it confidential?

Swear it!

I swear.

The title is:

"Utopian Life".

- Do you ever think about Theo? - Often.

But not really.

What is real?

Why don't you just stay here?

You have good food,

wonderful air

and two women who adore you.

Shouldn't I do that instead?

Who is the keeper of the household budget?

Me or you?

Hello. Who's this? Hello.

Could you open the door for me, please?

Hello.

Who's this?

Shit!

Why do you buy so many vegetables?

It's good for love.

And what's good for love is equally good for the head.

So that Laura writes a good book.

You seem to get everything you want.

Most of the time.

Today we're having homemade food.

So that's what you call homemade food.

I'm addicted to your food.

Laura would like to say something.

Frank!

Luise and I have decided

that tonight all three of us will sleep together in one bed.

Here's to the three of us.

Don't you think it might be a little cramped?

Not for one second.

Do you like it?

I'm going to set a new record today.

I'm going to write 33 pages.

And tonight we're going out to dance.

When you dance with Frank, I get jealous.

Which pregnancy test can you recommend?

Let me show you one. Just a moment.

Here you are.

However, the differences are not very significant.

Then we'd like to have two of these here.

Yes, sure.

Hello. Can I help you?

Hello. Do you have mice?

Yes, what kind of mice would you like?

- Just regular mice. - We only sell desert mice.

How big are they? I need very small mice.

They are about this size.

- That would be good. - Good.

What have you got there?

It's for Elisabeth.

I think it's cruel.

This can't be true.

Both of us.

I am sorry, Mr. Vogler. I can't help you with this.

My wife has been gone for more than five weeks.

I don't understand what this has to do with Mrs. Luna.

And even if it were the case, your wife would certainly have her reasons.

Yes, you probably think it's funny that my wife is giving me a hard time,

together with that writer chick.

As a publisher, I principally don't discuss the private lives of my authors.

Furthermore, it's my duty to protect Mrs. Luna's privacy from third parties.

Then why don't you stick your privacy concerns up your backside?

- I think that's really cruel. - Elisabeth doesn't.

Dear Theo, I think it's best if I write to you exactly what's going on.

Well then: I'm pregnant.

Hello, Birgit. Hello, it's Laura. Surprise!

The novel is finished. Yes.

Writing has never been that easy for me.

No. No, I think you'll like it.

If you have time, you can just come over.

I'll give you the manuscript and we'll have a little party.

Yes? What did he want?

Ah, I see. Luise's husband!

No, I'll explain that to you later.

Laura. Are you here?

Dad, is that you? I'm taking a bath right now.

- Can I come in? - Yes.

Fine.

You look fine.

I'm fine too.

You're just in time. I finished writing my novel today.

- We're having a party today. - We?

Yes. A male friend, a female friend, and my publisher.

- Well, I'm sure I'll be a bother. - You're never a bother, Dad.

I have an appointment with a real estate agent.

Why that?

I've been thinking about selling the house.

- Do you need money? - Yes, that too.

The lady publisher is already here, too.

She probably can't wait to get her hands on the manuscript.

You're very unkind today.

I didn't sleep well.

Why that?

Someone has to think about the future.

Not the one you're thinking of.

Of course, you can do whatever you want.

But not that. I feel very comfortable here.

We feel very comfortable here.

Hello, you two.

That's my dad.

My friend Luise.

My friend Frank.

Hello.

That's the real estate agent. It won't take long.

A real estate agent?

My father wants to sell the house.

- Hello. - Hello.

- Your daughter, Mr. Meier. - No. - A friend.

- Stuckenschneider. Hello. - Luise.

A pleasure.

You have a very nice place here.

Unfortunately, the house is not worth much.

How much additional land belongs to it?

The pond.

And the meadows around it. And the forest. A total of three hectares.

I see.

250,000. At the most.

If we're lucky.

I'm always lucky.

250,000.

And to you, your father may sell it cheaper.

I don't have the money.

But Frank does.

I don't know.

Just imagine. The three of us.

The five of us.

And the meadow will be our vegetable plot.

And flowers.

Many, many flowers.

Okay.

I'm going to ask him.

Excuse me for asking you so directly, Frank.

Are you in a relationship with Luise or with Laura?

With both of them.

Lucky man.

That's not a joke.

I don't know if I like it, though.

- It's so nice that you're here. - I'm glad too.

Hello.

Professor Mackay.

Please call me Frank.

So you're the reason for the new novel.

I have to thank you for that.

I don't know.

I've never been this happy in my life.

It shows.

Well then?

I'll think about it.

For how long?

For ten minutes.

Thank you, dad.

And then it just happened.

That sounds weird, doesn't it? But it's not weird at all.

It sounds lovely to me.

And you don't think that we...?

I've known Laura for such a long time.

And I've never seen her so lucky.

That's all that matters.

You're a wonderful publisher.

- And a great friend. - But first and foremost, a publisher.

And if I don't get my hands on the manuscript soon, I'm going to scream.

Dear Laura. Dear attendees.

Today is a special day for me.

I'm here as a guest at my daughter's table, along with her friends.

And that is an unusual feeling for me.

But it's also a very pleasant feeling,

because I see that my daughter is happy.

And that has always been the most important thing to me. Believe me.

This is essentially a happy room tonight.

Even if we don't all know why that is.

It surely has something to do with Laura finishing her novel.

This will probably make Mrs. Kirschstein particularly happy.

It certainly has to do with Luise's food.

It makes me extraordinarily happy.

And Laura has told me that it also has to do with the house

that the three of you have been happy in for the past eight weeks.

And since I can't write books, nor am I much of a cook,

I thought I would contribute to this evening by giving you my house.

If you want it. Only if you want it.

Thank you, Dad.

I was actually going to give it to you later.

I give it into loyal hands. My new novel.

"Utopian Life".

Are you sure you can sleep here?

I nearly fall asleep while standing here.

Good night.

We'll get the house. We'll get the house.

Your turn.

Two times.

You perverted filthy pigs.

What?

No. No. No.

No.

- Watch out. - Yes.

Ute's got it.

- Light. - We take it off.

- Directly to the hospital. - Yes.

The infusion.

- Do you have it? - No.

Let's go.

Mr. Meier, are you really sure that there was another body?

I swear. I saw the dead man with my own eyes.

Me too.

Tigerstripe Baby Is Waiting for Tarzan