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1
00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:06,420
Is she watching?
2
00:00:06,420 --> 00:00:08,340
She'll be watching.
3
00:00:08,340 --> 00:00:11,820
That's why net curtains
were invented.
4
00:00:11,820 --> 00:00:14,420
If she asks, what are we
supposed to be looking for?
5
00:00:14,420 --> 00:00:17,200
Something female.
6
00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:18,840
A lady's earring?
7
00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:20,300
That should do it.
8
00:00:58,160 --> 00:00:59,220
Shh!
9
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:11,840
Why have you been avoiding me,
Cleggy? You don't answer my calls.
10
00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:15,760
How long have you been in there?
11
00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:18,040
Have you got food and water?
12
00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:20,680
Suppose I didn't come to the bin?
13
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:23,620
You always come at this time.
14
00:01:23,620 --> 00:01:27,160
Are you telling me that I'm
a creature of habit?
15
00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:29,260
You could set your clock by it.
16
00:01:29,260 --> 00:01:31,640
Well, there you go!
17
00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:36,240
People say it's amazing
what you can learn from the
contents of your wheelie bin.
18
00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:38,500
Aargh!
19
00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:07,800
I'm sorry I shouted at you, Travis.
20
00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:09,440
Now come out.
21
00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:12,740
You can sulk indoors!
22
00:02:12,740 --> 00:02:19,080
Do come out, Travis, before the word
gets round that I keep you in a shed.
23
00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:20,740
Travis...
24
00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:24,440
The Crowcroft Challenge?
25
00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:26,020
We thought we'd give it a whack.
26
00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:31,940
When he says
"we", of course, he means HE
thought he'd give it a whack.
27
00:02:31,940 --> 00:02:34,280
He opened his big gob
in the pub last night.
28
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,180
I had a little drink taken.
29
00:02:36,180 --> 00:02:37,760
You should have shut me up.
30
00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:41,700
I know that now, but at the time
I was as mellow as you were.
31
00:02:43,100 --> 00:02:45,380
The Crowcroft Challenge.
32
00:02:45,380 --> 00:02:48,880
To go from Morton to
Thackley in a straight line...
33
00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:50,440
as the crow flies...
34
00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:52,460
over all obstacles.
35
00:02:52,460 --> 00:02:54,900
Any proceeds to charity.
36
00:02:54,900 --> 00:02:58,380
Often attempted but never
successfully completed
37
00:02:58,380 --> 00:03:02,680
since Squire Crowcroft first
issued the challenge in 1827.
38
00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:05,540
Must have been a good year
for idiots.
39
00:03:05,540 --> 00:03:09,660
The general feeling is that one has
to be an idiot to even attempt it.
40
00:03:10,820 --> 00:03:13,440
You're in, Alvin. You've
got the qualifications.
41
00:03:14,900 --> 00:03:19,820
The last person to attempt
it was a Mr Marsden.
42
00:03:19,820 --> 00:03:23,400
He collapsed with heat exhaustion
and was rushed to hospital.
43
00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:27,100
Obviously a wimp! Should have stuck
to his needlework.
44
00:03:27,100 --> 00:03:30,920
That sounds more you, needlework.
45
00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:33,020
The secret's in the training.
46
00:03:33,020 --> 00:03:36,280
They say the costume
is the real burden.
47
00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:38,560
The Crowcroft Challenge!
48
00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:41,380
I think it shows a wonderful spirit.
49
00:03:41,380 --> 00:03:44,740
Not to mention lack of judgment.
50
00:03:44,740 --> 00:03:46,300
Nobody's perfect.
51
00:03:50,660 --> 00:03:54,080
MUSIC: "Sing A Song Of Sixpence"
52
00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:13,240
He'll make a bog of it.
53
00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:19,040
Well, yes, probably.
But I suggest we don't interfere.
54
00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:22,360
Obviously the secret is
to pick the best route.
55
00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:24,220
Fewest obstacles.
56
00:04:24,220 --> 00:04:26,860
So you ARE determined to interfere?
57
00:04:26,860 --> 00:04:28,520
It should be good for a laugh.
58
00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:31,020
Not for him. No, not for him.
59
00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:33,100
But I don't see why
we shouldn't enjoy it.
60
00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:57,120
I thought legs looked familiar.
It's Alvin.
61
00:04:57,120 --> 00:05:01,100
Ain't nobody here but us crows.
62
00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:06,220
Don't be shy. If you want to
dress up in feathers, I won't tell.
63
00:05:06,220 --> 00:05:08,320
It's a challenge.
64
00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:10,220
I can see where it would be.
65
00:05:10,220 --> 00:05:12,380
Especially on public transport.
66
00:05:12,380 --> 00:05:15,380
You want lift?
I thought you'd never ask.
67
00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:24,680
I bet he's got lost.
68
00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:26,300
He has a map.
69
00:05:26,300 --> 00:05:29,000
Oh, well, that's it then.
Definitely lost.
70
00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:34,080
He should never have been
allowed to wander off without
being accompanied by an adult.
71
00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:35,980
If only we knew one.
72
00:05:52,980 --> 00:05:58,620
That is not something I would like
to see perched on my clothes line.
73
00:06:04,620 --> 00:06:08,080
I suppose you can't
grumble if it's for charity.
74
00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:10,740
Since when have you not
been able to grumble?
75
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,360
I like to keep in practice.
76
00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:17,000
Are you sure you need the practice?
77
00:06:22,980 --> 00:06:26,940
Why did Squire Crowcroft
insist on this?
78
00:06:26,940 --> 00:06:32,900
Because, clearly, Squire Crowcroft
was a man of a humorous turn of mind
79
00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:35,760
who should have been
strangled at birth.
80
00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:37,660
Or even later!
81
00:06:37,660 --> 00:06:41,260
Where's your map?
There's a pocket under the tail.
82
00:06:43,180 --> 00:06:46,400
You're on your own then. I'm not
fishing about under there.
83
00:06:47,180 --> 00:06:53,160
It's at times like this
you learn who your friends are.
84
00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:54,680
KNOCK ON DOOR
85
00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:56,420
Ah. Cleggy...
86
00:07:02,820 --> 00:07:05,340
KNOCK ON DOOR,
DOORBELL RINGS
87
00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:16,800
You've got your key.
Why are you standing there?
88
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:19,900
Am I standing here?
89
00:07:19,900 --> 00:07:23,740
Yes, I suppose technically
I'm standing here.
90
00:07:23,740 --> 00:07:30,000
Come in. Before somebody thinks I'm
having strange gentlemen callers.
I can do that.
91
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,840
I can do strange gentleman
caller. I can do anything.
92
00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:34,460
How about this for strange?
93
00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:42,060
Stop that!
Suppose you stayed like that?
I'd have to keep you in the cellar.
94
00:07:42,060 --> 00:07:44,520
I'm flying high, babe.
I'm not the cellar type.
95
00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:46,320
Why did you ring the doorbell?
96
00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:48,120
It's a day for bells.
97
00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:50,500
Have you lost your key? Key?
98
00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:53,680
It's the metal thing you open
the door with. I have keys.
99
00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:55,480
I have keys for every occasion.
100
00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:59,500
Today I found the key to life.
101
00:07:59,500 --> 00:08:03,540
To golf, actually, but for many
of us it comes a close second.
102
00:08:03,540 --> 00:08:06,620
What happened to golf
that made it so special?
103
00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:08,600
I happened to golf.
104
00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:10,980
I, me...Mr Perfect Swing.
105
00:08:10,980 --> 00:08:12,880
I found the secret.
106
00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:14,640
It's the elbow.
107
00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:18,880
I'm very happy you've got
a secret elbow.
108
00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:21,100
I was magnificent.
109
00:08:22,700 --> 00:08:26,760
People who never spoke
to me before said "hi".
110
00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:28,340
That's it?
111
00:08:28,340 --> 00:08:33,260
"Hi"? Dwayne Dobbs, who's reputed to
be a millionaire, called me Barry.
112
00:08:33,260 --> 00:08:36,840
Wasn't he the one
who went to prison?
113
00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:38,880
Only a nice one.
114
00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:41,640
Oh, and the Captain...
115
00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:44,120
the Captain nodded at me.
116
00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:46,180
Just nodded?
117
00:08:46,180 --> 00:08:48,420
He didn't turn away muttering.
118
00:08:48,420 --> 00:08:52,820
He didn't look at me like he'd
just had to wipe me off his shoes.
119
00:08:52,820 --> 00:08:57,840
He saw me...and he nodded.
120
00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:00,700
It's not like you've
been blessed by the pope.
121
00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:04,780
Close.
122
00:09:10,565 --> 00:09:15,945
Are you sure competitors
can pick their own route
and go absolutely anywhere?
123
00:09:15,945 --> 00:09:18,925
Anywhere between
Morton and Thackley.
124
00:09:18,925 --> 00:09:21,765
Oh, that's my idea of a challenge.
125
00:09:21,765 --> 00:09:23,945
I like the flexibility.
126
00:09:23,945 --> 00:09:26,885
Mm...and we know why you like
the flexibility.
127
00:09:27,885 --> 00:09:31,145
Here, now...you pick your own route,
128
00:09:31,145 --> 00:09:35,125
you fix the compass bearing and
you follow it without moving off it.
129
00:09:35,125 --> 00:09:36,905
I can do that.
130
00:09:36,905 --> 00:09:39,965
You've never kept to
a straight line in your life.
131
00:09:39,965 --> 00:09:42,385
I don't know why people say that.
132
00:09:42,385 --> 00:09:44,745
You can't go round any obstacles.
133
00:09:44,745 --> 00:09:48,025
You either go over or under,
or straight through.
134
00:09:48,025 --> 00:09:49,965
You keep to a straight line.
135
00:09:49,965 --> 00:09:51,945
Exactly as the crow flies.
136
00:09:51,945 --> 00:09:55,465
I expect there are people who cheat.
137
00:09:55,465 --> 00:09:59,325
They'll all be under the
supervision of an umpire.
138
00:09:59,325 --> 00:10:02,745
You mean you have to have
some busybody with you?
139
00:10:02,745 --> 00:10:07,045
You mean people can't trust the
word of a gentleman? Look at him.
140
00:10:07,045 --> 00:10:11,485
Don't you just hate it when the
crow next door gets all gloomy?
141
00:10:15,785 --> 00:10:18,805
Now. With regard to
staff training...
142
00:10:18,805 --> 00:10:21,545
How long have we had staff training?
143
00:10:21,545 --> 00:10:24,905
You're getting some now
if you'd shut up a minute.
144
00:10:24,905 --> 00:10:28,625
All businesses at the cutting edge
of modern retailing
145
00:10:28,625 --> 00:10:32,165
are required to set aside
time for staff training.
146
00:10:32,165 --> 00:10:34,725
Can't we do it sitting down?
147
00:10:34,725 --> 00:10:36,905
No, you can't do it sitting down.
148
00:10:36,905 --> 00:10:39,885
Do you think Marks and
Spencer's do it sitting down?
149
00:10:39,885 --> 00:10:43,605
You'll be sitting down enough
now you've got the new vehicle.
150
00:10:43,605 --> 00:10:45,245
New vehicle?
151
00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:47,725
It's better than pushing a cart.
152
00:10:47,725 --> 00:10:48,985
BELL JANGLES
153
00:10:55,245 --> 00:11:00,605
I was wondering if you had
another crow costume. For you?
154
00:11:00,605 --> 00:11:03,225
You'd need padding
to be a blackbird.
155
00:11:03,225 --> 00:11:09,105
Only joking.
I'm sure we can transform
you into an acceptable crow.
156
00:11:09,105 --> 00:11:13,865
And while I'm here, I might as well
pick up another one for a friend.
157
00:11:13,865 --> 00:11:16,585
Guess who for.
158
00:11:16,585 --> 00:11:20,185
What size? Oh, I can't say, really.
159
00:11:20,185 --> 00:11:24,285
Not with any precision.
I don't know him all that well.
160
00:11:24,285 --> 00:11:25,845
THEY LAUGH
161
00:11:54,805 --> 00:11:58,805
Is he entering the
Crowcroft Challenge as well?
162
00:11:58,805 --> 00:12:02,305
You might know...
anything loopy and he's there.
163
00:12:02,305 --> 00:12:05,605
I've warned him.
The first cat's going to have him.
164
00:12:05,605 --> 00:12:09,885
I wish Travis would go loopy
occasionally.
165
00:12:09,885 --> 00:12:12,365
He must do sometimes, surely?
166
00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:14,165
He once fell off a sideboard.
167
00:12:14,165 --> 00:12:16,565
That's about as wild as it gets.
168
00:12:16,565 --> 00:12:18,445
You've got a treasure there.
169
00:12:18,445 --> 00:12:20,525
What was he doing on a sideboard?
170
00:12:20,525 --> 00:12:22,525
I never asked.
171
00:12:22,525 --> 00:12:26,185
If he wants to be on a sideboard,
who am I to interfere?
172
00:12:26,185 --> 00:12:28,445
But didn't he leave
marks on the sideboard?
173
00:12:28,445 --> 00:12:30,525
He's very considerate.
174
00:12:32,105 --> 00:12:35,605
I would never have allowed
mine on the sideboard.
175
00:12:35,605 --> 00:12:37,125
He was like Howard.
176
00:12:37,125 --> 00:12:39,405
He could barely reach the sideboard.
177
00:12:43,065 --> 00:12:46,885
Right, now. That's your bearing.
178
00:12:46,885 --> 00:12:49,105
You stay on it at all times.
179
00:12:49,105 --> 00:12:53,085
We'll go by road and
meet you at Point B.
180
00:12:53,085 --> 00:12:55,165
Where the heck's Point B?
181
00:12:55,165 --> 00:12:56,985
It's on the map. You marked it.
182
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:59,565
Oh, right. That Point B.
183
00:12:59,565 --> 00:13:01,485
I can see I'm in good hands(!)
184
00:13:01,485 --> 00:13:03,565
Don't get your feathers in a fuss.
185
00:13:03,565 --> 00:13:05,645
Right. Off you go.
186
00:13:10,665 --> 00:13:13,885
They're going to get lost.
We'll never see them again.
187
00:13:13,885 --> 00:13:16,445
How can they get lost?
188
00:13:16,445 --> 00:13:18,725
They've got map and compass.
189
00:13:18,725 --> 00:13:20,785
I just have this feeling.
190
00:13:20,785 --> 00:13:24,945
Two skeletons
somewhere on the moors.
191
00:13:24,945 --> 00:13:29,185
Alvin could find his way to
the nearest pub blindfold.
192
00:13:29,185 --> 00:13:31,865
It's finding his way home
again he's not so good at.
193
00:13:31,865 --> 00:13:36,025
And if they do go missing,
who's going to report it?
194
00:13:36,025 --> 00:13:40,165
Can you imagine somebody
asking for a description?
195
00:13:49,005 --> 00:13:50,165
Look at this.
196
00:13:53,465 --> 00:13:58,125
Been celebrating.
Since last week, I guess.
197
00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:06,965
SIREN SOUNDS
198
00:14:08,265 --> 00:14:10,405
Ahhhh!
199
00:14:12,045 --> 00:14:13,625
That's better.
200
00:14:13,625 --> 00:14:15,405
He wasn't safe on the road.
201
00:14:25,265 --> 00:14:27,385
Who called the ambulance?
202
00:14:27,385 --> 00:14:29,765
I think it's marvellous
you got here so quick.
203
00:14:29,765 --> 00:14:32,285
Where do you live?
204
00:14:32,285 --> 00:14:34,085
Where's home?
205
00:14:34,085 --> 00:14:35,745
Home?
206
00:14:35,745 --> 00:14:40,725
I demand a second opinion. I am
not going home in this condition.
207
00:14:40,725 --> 00:14:42,605
My wife doesn't understand me.
208
00:14:42,605 --> 00:14:44,725
I'm not surprised.
209
00:14:44,725 --> 00:14:46,925
You talk like your jaw's been wired.
210
00:14:46,925 --> 00:14:48,905
Yes, I noticed that.
211
00:14:48,905 --> 00:14:50,745
You don't think it's fatal?
212
00:14:50,745 --> 00:14:55,205
I think it's called
being disgustingly drunk.
213
00:14:55,205 --> 00:14:58,045
Thank you, that's a relief.
214
00:15:04,425 --> 00:15:09,125
Call me sentimental, but you
run a very fine taxi service.
215
00:15:09,125 --> 00:15:11,765
Hold on. You wait there.
216
00:15:11,765 --> 00:15:13,225
Certainly.
217
00:15:18,105 --> 00:15:20,325
The last one was sick in the car.
218
00:15:20,325 --> 00:15:22,825
I'm not going through that again.
219
00:15:22,825 --> 00:15:25,185
What are we going to do with him?
220
00:15:25,185 --> 00:15:26,865
He's not safe on the road.
221
00:15:28,485 --> 00:15:30,725
I suggest we throw
him over the wall.
222
00:15:32,125 --> 00:15:33,645
It's for his own good.
223
00:15:33,645 --> 00:15:35,505
He'll be safer in the field.
224
00:15:39,565 --> 00:15:41,705
ENTWISTLE: Funny how life turns out.
225
00:15:41,705 --> 00:15:44,665
They say at school...
what you want to be?
226
00:15:44,665 --> 00:15:46,445
I say multi-millionaire.
227
00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:50,185
CLEGG: Maybe they had no vacancies.
228
00:15:50,185 --> 00:15:52,485
TRUELOVE: You should have worn a tie.
229
00:15:53,505 --> 00:15:56,605
CLEGG: I committed suicide
on leaving school.
230
00:15:56,605 --> 00:15:58,705
Well, almost.
231
00:15:58,705 --> 00:16:01,425
I became a Lino salesman,
232
00:16:01,425 --> 00:16:05,705
which is as close as you can get
without a gun or a rope.
233
00:16:06,705 --> 00:16:08,525
You didn't like Lino?
234
00:16:08,525 --> 00:16:12,085
How can you like Lino?
235
00:16:13,105 --> 00:16:20,225
It's cold, it cracks, it smells.
236
00:16:20,225 --> 00:16:23,265
People used to put
it in their bathrooms.
237
00:16:23,265 --> 00:16:27,525
Which were already
the coldest places on earth.
238
00:16:27,525 --> 00:16:30,045
That's why we never had fridges.
239
00:16:30,045 --> 00:16:32,345
The English bathroom
was just as good.
240
00:16:32,345 --> 00:16:37,965
Could this be why people went
to Africa, India? Absolutely.
241
00:16:37,965 --> 00:16:41,145
We had to colonise the world.
242
00:16:41,145 --> 00:16:45,565
Cold Lino was the driving force
behind the Empire.
243
00:16:46,605 --> 00:16:49,885
People would go anywhere
to avoid it.
244
00:16:49,885 --> 00:16:52,365
Hey! There they are.
245
00:16:58,065 --> 00:17:01,605
I thought we were going by road.
You're getting the scenic route.
246
00:17:01,605 --> 00:17:03,365
I demand a recount.
247
00:17:05,165 --> 00:17:06,165
Hey, look!
248
00:17:07,325 --> 00:17:10,445
OK, forget recount.
249
00:17:14,285 --> 00:17:18,365
What do you make of that then?
They're not sparrows,
that's for sure.
250
00:17:18,365 --> 00:17:21,445
What is it? Can anybody look?
251
00:17:25,365 --> 00:17:29,645
If you're seeing things like that,
you must be as drunk as I am!
252
00:17:31,805 --> 00:17:33,785
Go and wait by the car.
253
00:17:33,785 --> 00:17:37,325
You can't miss it.
It's got "Police" all over it.
254
00:17:39,605 --> 00:17:41,165
What d'you think?
255
00:17:44,325 --> 00:17:46,525
CAR ENGINE STARTS
256
00:18:07,945 --> 00:18:10,605
How do we get through this then?
257
00:18:10,605 --> 00:18:11,685
Well...
258
00:18:12,905 --> 00:18:14,605
..take a run and a jump.
259
00:18:14,605 --> 00:18:16,885
We'll never clear that.
260
00:18:16,885 --> 00:18:19,865
Have you tried? Dressed like this?
261
00:18:19,865 --> 00:18:22,165
Why don't you try flapping wings?
262
00:18:22,165 --> 00:18:24,965
Have you tried not
flapping your lip?
263
00:18:26,585 --> 00:18:28,325
I always say...
264
00:18:28,325 --> 00:18:31,065
if at first you don't succeed...
265
00:18:31,065 --> 00:18:32,805
it's time to go home.
266
00:18:34,625 --> 00:18:38,945
But that, of course, is the
philosophy of a Lino salesman.
267
00:18:38,945 --> 00:18:42,325
Did you ever sell much
Lino with that philosophy?
268
00:18:42,325 --> 00:18:44,945
Well, no, not really, no.
269
00:18:44,945 --> 00:18:49,725
My colleague was often caught
with his finger up his nose.
270
00:18:49,725 --> 00:18:52,545
It kept the faithful at bay.
271
00:18:52,545 --> 00:18:56,545
I think I knew him.
Did he have big nose?
272
00:18:56,545 --> 00:18:59,525
He was working on it.
273
00:18:59,525 --> 00:19:03,085
Can we get back to our problem here?
274
00:19:03,085 --> 00:19:07,345
We could take these things off,
crawl through and put them back on.
275
00:19:07,345 --> 00:19:11,245
Won't do. Breach of rules.
276
00:19:11,245 --> 00:19:12,845
We'll have to improvise.
277
00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:39,645
Aaargh!
278
00:19:39,645 --> 00:19:40,885
CRASH!
279
00:19:46,345 --> 00:19:49,525
How are we going to explain this one?
280
00:19:49,525 --> 00:19:52,005
It'll have to be something creative.
281
00:19:52,005 --> 00:19:53,885
How far have you got?
282
00:19:55,445 --> 00:19:57,365
Armed gang.
283
00:19:57,365 --> 00:19:59,065
I like it so far.
284
00:19:59,065 --> 00:20:00,605
Go on.
285
00:20:00,605 --> 00:20:04,445
After a desperate struggle
we were overcome.
286
00:20:04,445 --> 00:20:06,805
We had them worried though,
didn't we?
287
00:20:06,805 --> 00:20:10,005
They'll think twice about
pinching our police car again.
288
00:20:11,905 --> 00:20:15,165
We're in some deep clag, aren't we?
289
00:20:15,165 --> 00:20:17,445
It's not looking good, is it?
290
00:20:17,445 --> 00:20:20,545
I remember the fuss they made
when we lost a door mirror.
291
00:20:20,545 --> 00:20:22,005
One door mirror.
292
00:20:26,585 --> 00:20:28,365
No!
293
00:20:28,365 --> 00:20:31,765
We can't pack up at
the first obstacle.
294
00:20:31,765 --> 00:20:34,625
Works for me.
295
00:20:34,625 --> 00:20:37,065
Of course you can't pack in.
296
00:20:37,065 --> 00:20:38,525
Plan B.
297
00:20:42,925 --> 00:20:45,585
Use your wings for balance.
298
00:20:45,585 --> 00:20:48,185
Just be careful where
you're shoving.
299
00:20:48,185 --> 00:20:51,285
At this rate I may never lay again.
300
00:20:51,285 --> 00:20:55,345
Where's this pocket he's supposed
to have? That's not a pocket.
301
00:20:55,345 --> 00:20:56,945
Stop poking about!
302
00:20:56,945 --> 00:21:01,845
Where I've been today,
I don't wish to be widely known.
303
00:21:01,845 --> 00:21:04,005
Push! He's slipping back.
304
00:21:04,005 --> 00:21:06,645
There's no brake pads on these feet.
305
00:21:06,645 --> 00:21:08,505
Get your shoulders behind him.
306
00:21:08,505 --> 00:21:12,365
There's more behind than shoulders.
307
00:21:12,365 --> 00:21:15,345
I think I found pocket. Wrong!
308
00:21:15,345 --> 00:21:19,125
Aargh! Watch it! Watch it!
309
00:21:33,325 --> 00:21:35,485
Are you going golfing again?
310
00:21:35,485 --> 00:21:37,325
That's twice today.
311
00:21:37,325 --> 00:21:39,205
I'm hot, Glenda.
312
00:21:39,205 --> 00:21:41,365
I'm like a fluid golfing machine.
313
00:21:41,365 --> 00:21:43,285
I've got to use it while I've got it.
314
00:21:43,285 --> 00:21:46,025
Are you always going to
be leaving me twice a day?
315
00:21:46,025 --> 00:21:49,825
No! No, it's just
that today is special.
316
00:21:49,825 --> 00:21:51,545
The captain nodded at me.
317
00:21:51,545 --> 00:21:54,125
Stay home. I'll nod at you.
318
00:21:56,285 --> 00:21:58,005
Glenda!
319
00:21:58,005 --> 00:22:00,985
I'm on the brink of greatness.
320
00:22:00,985 --> 00:22:05,445
You're on the brink of a sharp
reduction in your quality of life.
321
00:22:08,565 --> 00:22:09,965
DOOR SLAMS
322
00:22:14,185 --> 00:22:16,185
Right, Entwistle, back it up.
323
00:22:16,185 --> 00:22:17,865
Come on. As you go...
324
00:22:17,865 --> 00:22:22,285
Straighten it up, come on, that's it.
Wait, wait! Hold it! That's it.
325
00:22:23,385 --> 00:22:24,785
Problem solved.
326
00:22:24,785 --> 00:22:28,765
You climb onto the truck, on
the planks and jump over the hedge.
327
00:22:28,765 --> 00:22:30,405
But what's at the other side?
328
00:22:30,405 --> 00:22:32,465
Freedom.
329
00:22:32,465 --> 00:22:34,445
You're back on target again.
330
00:22:38,385 --> 00:22:40,785
This is not best view of crow.
331
00:22:40,785 --> 00:22:43,765
Just don't be looking
for any more pockets.
332
00:22:48,765 --> 00:22:51,765
I think we were
faster on the handcart.
333
00:22:51,765 --> 00:22:54,345
I don't like racing about.
334
00:22:54,345 --> 00:22:59,045
Well, we've got the ideal
vehicle for not racing about.
335
00:22:59,045 --> 00:23:00,965
It's better than pushing.
336
00:23:07,685 --> 00:23:09,505
Now what?
337
00:23:09,505 --> 00:23:13,445
I don't know, but I don't
think it's a speeding ticket.
338
00:23:19,505 --> 00:23:22,845
Did you have a ladies' coffee
morning when you lived away?
339
00:23:22,845 --> 00:23:24,625
They were compulsory.
340
00:23:24,625 --> 00:23:28,405
The coffee was all right,
but the preparation was tiring.
341
00:23:28,405 --> 00:23:30,685
What did you have to prepare?
342
00:23:30,685 --> 00:23:34,265
Your dialogue. You were
expected to be word perfect
343
00:23:34,265 --> 00:23:37,605
in whatever it was you were
going to swank about.
344
00:23:37,605 --> 00:23:40,345
What happened if you didn't
bother preparing?
345
00:23:40,345 --> 00:23:45,325
Then you were condemned just to
listen to what the others were
swanking about.
346
00:23:45,325 --> 00:23:47,845
I think I've been to one of those.
347
00:23:47,845 --> 00:23:50,765
Not here, you haven't. No, not here.
348
00:23:50,765 --> 00:23:53,465
It was the wife of
a colleague of Barry's.
349
00:23:53,465 --> 00:23:56,965
Showing her holiday films.
Went on forever.
350
00:23:56,965 --> 00:24:00,765
I think her tan had nearly worn off
by the time it was over.
351
00:24:00,765 --> 00:24:04,485
They get tanned in
places you never used to see.
352
00:24:04,485 --> 00:24:06,085
Oil and heat.
353
00:24:06,085 --> 00:24:08,465
They look like roast potatoes.
354
00:24:08,465 --> 00:24:12,325
Roast potatoes
were a no-no where we were.
355
00:24:12,325 --> 00:24:15,405
The rule of thumb for
healthy living was...
356
00:24:15,405 --> 00:24:18,325
if it tastes good
it's going to kill you.
357
00:24:18,325 --> 00:24:20,545
I could kill him next door.
358
00:24:20,545 --> 00:24:22,665
I think he's got a woman in.
359
00:24:22,665 --> 00:24:24,745
He pulls your leg.
360
00:24:24,745 --> 00:24:28,305
He was on his hands and knees with
Truly looking for an earring.
361
00:24:28,305 --> 00:24:30,065
They're having you on.
362
00:24:30,065 --> 00:24:36,245
I don't see why he should
think I'm interested in whether
he has a woman in or not.
363
00:24:36,245 --> 00:24:38,145
Is he a womaniser?
364
00:24:38,145 --> 00:24:40,505
Aren't they all?
365
00:24:40,505 --> 00:24:42,405
What about Norman Clegg?
366
00:24:42,405 --> 00:24:45,965
All right. Aren't they all
except for Norman Clegg.
367
00:24:45,965 --> 00:24:48,685
My Wally wasn't a womaniser.
368
00:24:48,685 --> 00:24:53,245
And we don't have to look
far to see what put him off.
369
00:24:53,245 --> 00:24:57,725
I sometimes think golf
is as big a threat to a marriage.
370
00:24:57,725 --> 00:24:59,545
At least they have to keep score.
371
00:24:59,545 --> 00:25:02,265
They soon learn how good
they are at it.
372
00:25:02,265 --> 00:25:07,245
With women even the worst players
think they're ready for turning pro.
373
00:25:07,245 --> 00:25:11,545
Travis shows no signs of interest
in women or golf.
374
00:25:11,545 --> 00:25:15,265
It isn't as though he's on any form
of medication.
375
00:25:15,265 --> 00:25:22,745
Well, he takes an aspirin
occasionally, but I can't see that
wiping out his deepest instincts.
376
00:25:22,745 --> 00:25:26,065
Perhaps he hasn't got
any deepest instincts.
377
00:25:26,065 --> 00:25:28,305
They've all got deepest instincts.
378
00:25:28,305 --> 00:25:30,985
What do you think the
honeymoons are for?
379
00:25:30,985 --> 00:25:38,005
You've got the best part of
a week to cure them of any
ambitions in that direction.
380
00:25:38,005 --> 00:25:40,065
I enjoyed my honeymoon.
381
00:25:40,065 --> 00:25:42,065
I enjoyed mine.
382
00:25:42,065 --> 00:25:44,285
It only rained one day.
383
00:25:46,785 --> 00:25:48,245
Cakes? Ooh...
384
00:26:03,785 --> 00:26:05,485
SIREN BLARES
385
00:26:10,865 --> 00:26:12,905
HORN TOOTS
386
00:26:16,185 --> 00:26:18,885
RADIO: Patrol car 37,
will you come in, please?
387
00:26:24,805 --> 00:26:28,565
Can't you get a bit more va-va-voom
out of this thing?
388
00:26:28,565 --> 00:26:30,845
It's going flat out.
389
00:26:34,865 --> 00:26:37,865
Hope I don't get thorns in my eyes.
390
00:26:37,865 --> 00:26:39,865
Pull your visors down then.
391
00:26:54,285 --> 00:26:55,985
TYRES SCREECH
392
00:26:55,985 --> 00:26:57,165
CRASH!
393
00:27:09,505 --> 00:27:11,205
How do, Barry?
394
00:27:12,785 --> 00:27:14,445
How's it going, Barry?
395
00:27:18,845 --> 00:27:21,825
I've never seen them before.
396
00:27:21,825 --> 00:27:23,925
I don't know anybody
who looks like that.
397
00:27:32,085 --> 00:27:34,965
I hope you're having
more fun than me, Barry.
398
00:27:47,925 --> 00:27:50,725
We forgot the crisps.
399
00:27:50,725 --> 00:27:53,445
YOU forgot the crisps.
I forgot the nuts.
400
00:27:59,345 --> 00:28:01,765
Did you see that? See what?
401
00:28:01,765 --> 00:28:04,345
The two crows. Crows?
402
00:28:04,345 --> 00:28:06,845
Carrying a tray of drinks.
403
00:28:06,845 --> 00:28:10,005
Lager or bitter?
404
00:28:10,005 --> 00:28:13,425
Hands up, anyone see two
crows carrying tray?
405
00:28:13,425 --> 00:28:16,105
I think he needs a drink.
406
00:28:16,105 --> 00:28:17,645
I'm giving it up.
407
00:28:26,745 --> 00:28:32,745
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