Original subtitles

[Laughing]

[Audience booing ]

HIGGINS: Enough already!

Let's have Bert Grady!

HIGGINS: Yeah.

- Boo! - Oh, come on, Higgins.

- Don't -- - Boo!

[ Booing continues]

- CRABTREE: Higgins! - HIGGINS: [ Laughs]

- Oh, here we go. - MAN: People, please!

Let's give a hand to this fine young juggler, W.C. Fields!

And now the funniest man in vaudeville...

- Bert Grady! -...Bert Grady!

[Cheers and applause]

[ Laughter]

- That was saucy. - Bravo!

Very saucy. Very saucy.

I sat down next to a guy at the tavern.

A chatty type-

He told me that his mother-in-law was an angel.

I said, "Lucky you. Mine's still alive."

But that's not entirely true.

I do have a soft spot for my mother-in-law.

It's right behind this theater, in fact.

[ Laughter]

I missed her at first.

So I reloaded and tried again.

That did it.

Now, you can't blame me.

She told me she always wanted to go down under.

I just didn't realize "down under" meant Australia

till it was too late.

Now she's six feet under.

[ Laughter]

Not that she cared for me much either, though.

She said that she was gonna dance on my grave.

I said, "I hope you do, 'cause I plan to be buried at sea."

Thank you all very much.

Thank you.

Thank you.

[Whistles]

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls.

A round of applause if you think that -- hmm --

W.C. Fields should win the audience prize!

- What are you doing? - I don't even have to ask, do I?

Once again the audience prize goes to...

Mr. Bert Grady!

-[ Cheers and applause] - HIGGINS: He deserves it.

- Do, huh? - Yes, he does.

We should try to meet him this time.

Actually, I had a thought about that, Henry.

I noticed last time that Bert Grady didn't leave

by the front doors with the rest of the performers.

He must have slipped out this way to avoid the fanfare.

We should pitch him our jokes.

No. They're not ready yet, Henry.

What's this?

I told you I don't want to be pestered after shows.

I'm sorry, sir.

I'm sure if you sign an autograph,

you can be on your way.

Well? Pen and paper?

Oh, no. We're not like that.

Uh, we're fans, just not that kind.

What the hell do you want, then?

- Hello. -[ Sighs ]

There'd better not be anyone here to pester me

tomorrow night, Lewis.

We have to say something funny, George.

It's too late. Just let him go.

Uh, Mr. Grady?

What now?

CRABTREE: We just wanted you to know

how much we enjoyed your monologue.

And we've written some jokes that we think you might like.

Two constables are walking the beat, and one of them --

I write my own jokes.

Thank you.

Thank you.

It's not easy being the star. Don't take it personally.

Oh, no. Of course.

Perhaps I can give you a tour of the theater.

Yes. That would be terrific, Mr. --

Lewis Hoffat.

I'm the assistant manager to Mr. Allen

here at the Bradley Theatre.

And I'd love to hear your jokes.

GRADY: What the hell are you doing here?

[Grunts]

[ Weakly ] Why?

[Grunts]

[Gunshot]

[ Indistinct conversations]

Good evening, Dr. Grace.

Detective.

The deceased appears to be someone of some notoriety.

If you like that type of thing.

He died about an hour ago -- approximately 11:00 p.m.

Cause of death appears obvious enough.

Following a postmortem,

I hope to determine the caliber of the bullet.

I suspect you'll find it was a .22.

Mm.

That's consistent with what I'm seeing.

MURDOCH: Pockets are empty.

No wallet, timepiece, keys.

DR. GRACE: A robbery.

That's a rather violent one, no?

- Were there any witnesses? - Only one.

A Miss Glenys Moore, manager of the hotel.

She overheard the deceased say

"What the hell are you doing here?"

just prior to the gunshots, but she didn't see the incident.

Then he knew his killer.

Perhaps he was relieved of his valuables to imply a robbery.

So, Henry, what do you do if you miss your mother-in-law?

Why, George, you reload and you try again.

So I'm in a tavern and a man next to me says,

"My mother-in law is an angel," and I said to him...

"You're lucky. Mine is still alive."

[ Both laugh ]

Oi! Shh!

How did that one about the grave go?

Uh, "She never -- She never liked me either.

She said was gonna dance on my grave.

- And I said --" - Henry, we should do our work.

"L said, 'I hope you do, because I plan to be buried..."'

"Buried at sea"! [Laughs]

What the hell are you two cackling like schoolgirls for?

Sir, it was a terrific show last night at the Bradley Theatre.

You were there?

Shame about Bert Grady.

Uh, how do you mean, sir?

He was gunned down after the show.

I'm off to the theater with Murdoch as we speak.

CRABTREE: I don't believe it.

You know, I have soft spot for my mother-in-law --

Oh, Higgins, come on, man.

-It's just a joke, George. - Well, he just died, Henry.

It's too early for jokes.

Too early.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh...

Oh, oh, oh...

Oh.

It's a moment of silence for Mr. Grady.

[Whoopee cushion blurts]

[ Laughter]

ALLEN: Good!

This some kind of a joke to you?

Without Grady pulling in the people,

we might all be out of a job.

Now, I know he was a son of a bitch

and some of you are glad to see that he's gone.

But you'd better start to pull your weight.

One of you sad sacks

might actually win the audience prize now.

So get back to work.

You too, dummy.

Excuse me. Sir?

Detective Murdoch, Inspector Brackenreid

of the Toronto Constabulary.

We'd like a word about Mr. Grady.

We gave him a minute of silence. That's all that Grady deserved.

We'll be investigating

with or without your cooperation, Mr. Allen.

It's to your benefit that we have it.

Well, what's to investigate here?

The paper said it was a robbery.

The robbery may have been staged

to hide the killer's true intentions.

We have reason to believe that Mr. Grady knew his attacker.

We'll be speaking with all your employees.

Is there anything you care to tell us before they do?

Sure.

Everybody hated him.

Make yourselves at home, gentlemen.

[Clears throat]

Detective William Murdoch, Toronto Constabulary.

And you are?

Uh, Ed Ward.

And your surname?

I just told you.

You told me your name was Edward.

That's right. Ed Ward.

Edward who?

Ed Ward is my name.

Sir, I need your surname.

Okay. You have it. It's Ward.

Ed Ward.

Ah.

Hey. Please, sit.

-[ Whoopee cushion blurts] -[Laughs]

Yeah. Isn't that great?

That is my flatulence sack, sir.

Kids love this thing.

Mr. Grady performed as a monologist,

the most challenging of disciplines in vaudeville.

Was there jealousy amongst the performers?

Well, I mean, I suppose we respected his talent,

just not the man himself.

Was he resented for his success?

Well, not by me.

I'm considered the best prop comedian in all of vaud.

What do you think this is?

A pole.

Not just any pole.

It's my 11-foot pole.

For everything I wouldn't touch with my 10-foot pole.

Anything else?

Looks like you need some practice.

Catch.

W.C. Fields, is it?

Yeah.

And I'll be jumping the first train back to the States

once my contract's up.

Audiences are more forgiving there.

Mr. Fields, I believe that Mr. Grady

pelted you with a tomato onstage last night.

Quite embarrassing, I would have thought.

Vaudevillians are supposed to look out for one another,

but not that man.

I don't suppose that compelled you to seek retribution

after the show.

Retribution?

For what?

Grady may have been a louse, but he was right.

I was horrible last night.

- Yeah. Oop! - Ooh.

Not as easy as it looks.

I understand Mr. Grady had been winning the audience prize.

Yes. Ever since he became a monologist three months ago.

What did he do prior to that?

He was in a prop-comic two-act with Ed Ward.

Oh. They were partners?

Yes. Until he went off to become a star.

Mr. Ward has been unable to match Grady's popularity.

I'm glad to see you're putting George's wedding present

to good use.

And I'm happy to have a wife who's willing to accompany me

on my investigations.

I'm actually quite excited about it.

I haven't seen a vaudeville show in ages.

Oh, Julia, I'd be careful to temper my expectations.

I didn't find any of the performers

to be particularly amusing.

You can hardly determine that

from meeting them in a murder investigation.

What do you do with an 11-foot pole?

I couldn't be sure.

You use it to touch the objects you wouldn't otherwise touch

with a 10-foot pole.

You see, that's the sort of humor

that will be on display this evening.

Well, I'm looking forward to it all the same.

Hopefully you'll glean something for your investigation.

Bert Grady, a monologist,

had been routinely winning the audience prize.

I wonder if one of the performers murdered him

to supplant him as the top act.

It's possible.

The combination of professional jealousy and monetary gain

is reasonable motive.

Shall we, Doctor?

We shall.

As long as you don't attempt to tell any more jokes.

CRABTREE: My mother-in-law hates me so much

she said she'd dance on my grave.

I said, "Good. I plan to be buried at sea."

[ Laughing ] That's awful, George.

You do know in that scenario,

she'd end up beside you for an eternity.

Yes. I suppose you're right. Good thinking, Edna.

I guess Bert Grady didn't think of that

when he conceived the joke.

You should let me take you to a show sometime.

Oh, I don't know, George.

Well, there's all kinds of acts there.

Something for everybody.

Do you want me to just call a plumber?

No! Heavens.

Never pay for what you can do yourself for free.

There we go.

That's all it was -- a clogged P trap.

I'm most thankful, George.

It was my pleasure.

[ Light laughter]

[ Laughter]

[ Off-key notes play ]

[ Laughter]

[Grunts]

[Audience murmuring]

[Applause]

[Applause]

So the lady says to me, "You should stop

and smell the roses."

So I says to her, "You're all wet!"

[ Laughter]

Hey, there, folks. Settle down.

I got a real treat for you.

Ever seen one of these?

This is my 11-foot pole --

for everything I wouldn't touch with my 10-foot pole.

[ Laughter]

Well, it's funny when he says it.

Thank you! I've been Ed Ward!

ALLEN: All right, ladies and gentlemen!

It's up to you.

Now, who should win the audience prize?

Hmm?

Should it be...

W.C. Fields, the eccentric juggler?

Or should it be...

Toronto's strongest man?

Hmm?

Ohh-hoo-hoo!

Or should it be...Mr. Ed Ward?

[Cheers and applause]

There you are, ladies and gentlemen.

The audience prize goes to the one, the only Mr. Ed Ward!

There you go, boy.

It seems Mr. Ward is profiting

from his former partner's demise.

Indeed.

Jealousy, bad blood, and now financial gain.

DR. OGDEN: Motive for murder?

Mr. Ward is becoming less amusing all the time.

[Hinges squeak]

Congratulations, Mr. Ward.

Did you enjoy the show, Detective?

My wife certainly did.

Mm-hmm.

Mr. Ward, you neglected to mention

that you and Mr. Grady used to be partners.

I fail to see the relevance.

You now have a substantial amount of money in your pocket

that would have otherwise gone to Mr. Grady were still with us.

[ Exhales sharply]

You think I'm wrapped up in this?

Now is your opportunity to convince me otherwise.

Oh, no.

L...l feel faint.

-[ Whoopee cushion blurts] - Oh, my.

Mr. Ward, where were you last night at 11:00?

Last night? I, uh, I-l...

Please collect yourself

and recall your whereabouts last night, Mr. Ward.

Uh...the dump.

I was at the dump.

- The refuse dump? - Yes! Yes.

That's...That's where I get all my props.

At 11:00 at night?

Please, sir. You have to believe me.

That's when the fresh load comes in.

Sir, I've just been to --

Oh, are you making rubber bands again?

What have you, George?

Uh, sir, I've just been to the refuse dump.

Uh, while nobody could confirm that Mr. Ward was there

at the exact time in question, I have been told

that he frequents the place late at night.

That's the time, apparently -- when all the fresh loads arrive.

Oh, yes. Mr. Ward mentioned that.

George, if he is innocent, we have to consider the possibility

that Mr. Grady's murder

may have nothing to do with his colleagues.

Sir, what I keep wondering

is what's Mr. Grady, a man of means,

even doing in that part of town to begin with?

That's an excellent question.

Mrs. Moore?

Miss.

Miss Moore, you overheard Mr. Grady saying,

"What the hell are you doing here?"

just prior to the gunshots.

Yes -- as if he was surprised to see the man.

Likely even more surprised when he was shot by him.

How can you be sure it was Mr. Grady's voice?

Oh, I knew his voice. He was always here.

Kept a room.

For what purpose?

I believe he wrote his jokes here.

Always a notebook in hand.

But that's not all he used it for.

He had female company.

Always the same woman.

Could you describe her for us?

Slender woman.

Handsome except for the scar on the side of her face.

[Birds chirping]

[ Door opens]

Oh, my.

I should have required a larger deposit.

Miss Moore, did you notice anybody suspicious in the hotel

the night of the murder?

In this hotel?

We don't exactly cater to Toronto's finest.

I believe what Constable Crabtree is asking

is could someone have slipped past you

and gained entry into Mr. Grady's room?

I wouldn't know.

I left the front desk to see what happened outside.

Well, clearly someone was looking for something.

This desk has been emptied out.

Do you know what Mr. Grady kept in here?

I wouldn't know.

Sir, do you think Mr. Grady was murdered for his jokes?

That's possible.

If that's the case, sir, it stands to reason

that somebody at the theater might be responsible.

And that makes me wonder, sir,

if we should have a couple of constables

stationed there at the theater,

undercover, posing as performers,

to keep an eye out for anything suspicious.

Who did you have in mind exactly?

Well, I hadn't given it a great deal of thought, sir.

But I suppose --

Jackson and Worsley could do.

Excellent idea.

Uh, well, sir, nothing against Worsley, but...

Would you like to do it, George?

Perhaps you and Henry?

Sir, that's an excellent idea.

In fact, Henry and I have been working out a little routine.

Mm.

Just clear it with Mr. Allen first.

And don't forget why you're there in the first place.

Sir, absolutely.

Inspector, there's been a robbery at the Toronto Bank.

[ British accent] Oh! Bloody hell!

I know, sir. It's quite unfortunate.

CRABTREE: What -- What -- What is?

The robbery.

What robbery?

The Toronto Bank!

I just told you it's been robbed.

- Isn't that why you cursed? - No, Murdoch!

I cursed 'cause I'm out of bloody scotch!

Pass.

We've only just started.

Pass.

Uh, Mr. Allen, if somebody in your employ

is indeed responsible for Mr. Grady's death,

is it not in your best interest to have us around

in case something happens?

Fine. You can be ushers.

Sir, I will point out that we do not have a two-act

in our lineup presently.

You know what else we don't have?

A cat orchestra.

That's what people really want to see.

I will remind you that those are very difficult to book.

It's a dying art form, it seems.

Damn it, Hoffat. I don't pay you to tell me what we can't do.

I pay you to get things done.

Yes. Of course. You're right, sir.

But nonetheless, I believe that if we brought on a two-act,

it might be beneficial.

You really want me to put these two coppers on the stage?

E-Even if they flop, it'll be good for business.

- Remember the Cherry Sisters? -[ Chuckles ]

That was my mother-in-law's brilliant idea.

Women just aren't funny.

I'll never put one on the stage again.

Yeah, but they were so bad

that people came to see just how bad they were.

Audiences relish it.

Fine.

But I don't want any of my boys knowing they're real coppers.

And I'm not paying you.

Uh, what if we win the audience prize?

Henry.

Mr. Allen, you won't regret this.

I already do.

Now go find a place to rehearse. You're on tonight.

[Grunts]

CRABTREE: Let's do it again, Henry.

Be a little more Murdoch-like if you could this time.

HIGGINS: Yes, sir.

CRABTREE: [ British accent] I told you --

I'm out of bloody scotch!

HIGGINS: I would like to interview the witnesses, sir.

Are you sure that is top priority, Murdoch?

Perhaps you are right.

I shall start by checking the bank for fingermarks.

No, not fingermarks.

I'm out of bloody scotch!

You would like for me to buy you some more scotch first?

George, it's your line.

Higgins.

I think we've just found the key to our case, me old mucker.

Indeed, sir.

Eleanor Hoffat.

Wife of Lewis Hoffat, the theater's assistant manager.

Sir, she matches the description of Mr. Grady's mistress exactly.

DR. GRACE: A robbery.

That's a rather violent one, no?

DR. GRACE: Were there any witnesses?

Why were you at the scene of Mr. Grady's murder?

I wasn't.

I saw you there.

He was already dead by the time I arrived.

Where were you at 11:00 p.m., then?

In a hansom.

On your way to the hotel to meet Mr. Grady.

You were carrying on relations with him.

I can bring in the hotel manager to confirm

that you were indeed Mr. Grady's mistress.

Yes, I was.

How long had the affair been going on?

Two months.

Right, then.

You're familiar with the room that Mr. Grady kept?

Yes.

What was in his desk?

Notebooks.

Notebooks.

For his monologues.

Yes.

Do you know of anyone who may have wanted to obtain

those notebooks?

No.

Detective, I assure you,

I know nothing about poor Bert's murder.

In fact, I'd barely seen him this past week.

Why is that?

Because I didn't want to carry on with him anymore.

I was going there to end our relationship.

Why that night?

I couldn't keep the secret any longer.

Lewis was devastated.

Hurting my husband that way is the worst thing I've ever done,

and I'll never forgive myself.

When did your husband learn of the affair?

A week ago.

Thank you for bringing me lunch, Edna.

Well, thank you for fixing my sink.

Oh. ls it leaking again?

No.

You half sound as though you expected it to.

Well, I may have exaggerated my plumbing prowess.

That's a lovely sandwich, Edna.

It's nothing remarkable.

It's just ham and cheese.

And butter.

I have something for you.

[Laughs]

A vaudeville ticket?

I have to work, but I hear there's a new comedic sensation

making his debut this evening.

Well, how can I resist?

Thank you, George.

Well, thank you for the sandwich.

I won't use butter next time.

You're even fussier than Simon is.

Well, butter has its place in many things, Edna.

But a friend of the sandwich it is not.

[ Chuckles ]

Mr. Grady was a man of considerable talent and charm.

And Eleanor is quite, um, impressionable.

Where were you that night?

At work.

After the show.

11:00 p.m.

I'd work after the show. First in, last out.

Can anyone corroborate this, Mr. Hoffat?

Well, your constables.

My constables?

Certainly they told you.

I was giving Mr. Crabtree

and Mr. Higgins a tour of the theater until midnight.

BRACKENREID: Hoffat's alibi was Crabtree and Higgins?

Now, there's a first.

Something George neglected to mention.

I'm sorry, sirs.

I'm am perhaps slightly distracted

with tonight's performance.

At any rate, the killer was after the contents

of Mr. Grady's desk -- his monologues.

Which would imply someone with ties to the theater.

Sounds like we'd better get back to the Bradley tonight.

Oh, and we fully expect you to report all of your findings

after this evening's performance, George.

If you're not too distracted, buggerlugs.

Sirs.

[ Indistinct conversations]

[Grunts]

[Audience murmuring]

[Cheers and applause]

Oh, God. Edna's here.

Well, you did give her a ticket, George.

You're sure you know all your lines, Henry?

Don't worry. I'll be great.

I might even crack the case while I'm at it.

Tough crowd tonight, boys.

Let's give a large round of applause

to the little but mighty Toronto's strongest man!

[Cheers and applause]

Ah.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

making their Bradley Theatre debut, here they are --

the Madcap Coppers!

Take it away, boys!

[Applause]

[ Chuckles ]

Sir, I believe George is meant to be you.

Then Higgins is surely meant to be you, Murdoch.

[Audience murmuring]

Inspector, there's a been a robbery at the Toronto Bank.

[Audience murmuring, booing]

I say -- Inspector, there's been a robbery at the Toronto Bank.

- L-l... -[ Booing continues]

George, it's your line.

L...W-What?

Just say "bloody hell."

[ Booing continues]

Just say "bloody hell."

He's got to get started sometime, folks,

and some people shouldn't get started at all.

Get off the stage.

[Laughs]

Well! Since there's nowhere else to go but up, let's hear it...

What happened, George?

I don't -- Henry, I think you stepped on my line.

- It threw me. - I did no such thing.

I don't know what happened, Henry. I'm sorry.

You caught a glimpse of your sweetheart in the audience,

and you froze up.

If she even is my sweetheart after this.

[ Laughter]

And if you have a deep grudge against yourself, marry a widow.

You married a widow.

FIELDS: I did. Ugh.

I told her I'd be her captain in life.

She said it was too late to be her captain.

So now I'm stuck as her second mate.

She's as fully large east and west as she is north and south.

She was meant for twins but was never divided.

I didn't kiss the bride

for fear the guests would lose their appetite.

Sirs, Mr. Fields' monologue bore a striking resemblance

to Mr. Grady's routine.

Fields was a juggler as of yesterday.

And tonight he delivers a monologue

that brings down the house.

There's no way he could've written that overnight.

It was a great bit of comedy.

It's as if somebody wrote it for him, sir.

Perhaps he was the one who stole it from Grady's desk.

He stole the bit.

Mm.

The night that Hoffat showed you around the theater,

do you recall if Mr. Fields was still here?

He had already left, sir.

CRABTREE: I'm sure he was feeling distraught

because his performance flopped.

Afeeling I know from experience.

MURDOCH Right.

Have a look in Mr. Fields' dressing room.

See if there may be anything there

that could have been stolen from Mr. Grady's hotel room.

Sirs.

I'll be with you in a moment, Higgins.

I have a small matter to attend to.

Oh.

[ Inhales sharply]

That's better.

I trust that it would have been a flattering portrayal of us.

Of course.

Edna!

Well, well. George.

I didn't know you were a comedian.

Not much of one, clearly.

I enjoyed the show. Thank you for the tickets.

Henry and I were thinking about the case, you see,

and that's -- that's a distraction.

I think that came at the cost of our performance.

Yes. Of course.

Come again tomorrow night.

It will be...less awful.

I promise.

I don't think I can, George. I'm otherwise engaged.

And I found the whole thing a bit mean-spirited for my liking.

Good night, George.

Good night.

George!

Look what I found in Fields' dressing room.

It's Bert Grady's monologues.

Right.

[Man murmuring]

MURDOCH: Mr. Fields. Might I have a word?

[ Drawling ] Would you excuse us, my little chickadee?

[ Chuckles ]

[ Normal voice] What are you breaking up

-the party for, Detective? - What were you planning to do

once you ran out of Bert Grady's material to perform?

What are you talking about?

This was Mr. Grady's notebook.

Some of the pages are missing.

Presumably they contain some yet-to-be-performed monologues.

So what?

It was found in your dressing room.

What was it doing there?

That was going to be my next question.

I've never seen it before.

Mr. Fields, I saw your performance tonight.

It was remarkably like that of Mr. Grady's.

What are you saying?

I'm saying that you killed the man

and you stole his material.

I certainly did not.

Where were you at 11:00 the night Mr. Grady was murdered?

I went straight to my hotel to drink.

I had a rotten show that night.

Made worse by Mr. Grady humiliating you onstage.

If you want the truth, here it is.

I didn't write tonight's material.

I bought it.

You bought it?

- From whom? - I don't know.

I received an anonymous letter under my door

offering to sell me jokes.

I was desperate.

Juggling wasn't working out.

You all right, me old mucker?

I'm -- I-l wouldn't -- I'm -- I'm fine.

So is Fields our man, Murdoch?

I don't believe so, sir.

The hotel confirmed

that he arrived shortly after the performance

and promptly ordered a bottle of whiskey

and then a second one an hour later.

Dedicated chap.

What about Grady's notebook being in his dressing room?

He claims he's never seen it there before.

So planted by the killer, perhaps.

It's entirely possible, sir.

- CRABTREE: Sirs? - What have you, George?

The monologue that Bert Grady performed

the night he was killed is not in his notebook.

I don't know if the torn pages could account for that.

What could be so valuable about bloody jokes

that you would kill for them?

George, how much do you and Henry recall

of Bert Grady's performance?

[ Laughter]

She told me she was gonna dance on my grave.

I said, "I hope you do. I plan to be buried at sea."

Why are we standing around listening to jokes?

This is a bloody murder investigation.

Bear with me a moment, sir.

What do you do if you miss your mother-in-law?

You reload and try again.

[ Laughter]

Now, now, now, I do have a soft spot for my mother-in-law.

It's right behind this theater, in fact.

[ Laughter]

CRABTREE: I told my wife her mother was down under.

She thought I meant Australia. At least she's six feet under.

[ Laughter]

HIGGINS: A man in a tavern said to me that his mother-in-law --

Stop.

George, Henry, get the shovels.

Yes, sir.

What do you think, George?

I think we've just found somebody's mother-in-law.

[ Footsteps approaching ]

The deceased is indeed a female of around 7O years.

Based on the rate of decomposition,

I would say she died approximately six months ago.

And the cause of death?

Three bullets to the chest -- .22 caliber.

Suggesting that this woman's killer

and Mr. Grady's could be one and the same.

CRABTREE: Sir.

Dr. Grace.

Constable Crabtree.

Sir, I think I know who our victim is.

A Mrs. Edith Bradley.

The theater's namesake?

That's right. And rightful owner.

She's said to have moved six months ago to Australia.

"Down under," just as Mr. Grady said in his comedy routine.

DR. GRACE: Six months does coincide with the time of death.

And whose mother-in-law was she unfortunate enough to be?

In all my years in this business,

this is the biggest joke I've ever heard.

Why would I kill my star performer?

Grady was a license to print money.

Mr. Grady knew you killed your mother-in-law.

His monologue reflected the details of the murder.

I believe he was planning to blackmail you.

You're saying I killed Bert Grady

and my own mother-in-law?

With Mrs. Bradley out of the way,

you'd be able run the theater as you see fit,

and all of the proceeds would go to you.

Well, you're mistaken, Detective.

Mrs. Bradley moved to Australia six months ago.

You waited outside of the hotel.

When Mr. Grady arrived, you shot him.

You took his notebook

and removed the incriminating monologue.

You then planted that notebook in Mr. Fields' room.

That's funny, Detective.

Have you ever thought about going into comedy?

Well, if you liked that, you're going to love this one.

Constable Crabtree found this in your office.

The ballistics evidence is a match for both murders.

You know, what I still don't understand

is how the hell did Grady know I killed her?

Two murders solved in one day.

Good work, Murdoch.

Thank you, sir.

But Keith Allen did pose an interesting question.

Question about what?

How did Mr. Grady know

that Mr. Allen murdered his mother-in-law?

What's it matter?

You got the confession, didn't you?

And regardless of all of that,

why blackmail someone through a comedy routine?

And why was Mr. Grady surprised to see Mr. Allen

outside of his hotel that night?

There are more questions than answers.

Let it go, Murdoch.

Hm.

I suppose you're right.

Are you coming to Crabtree and Higgins' final show tonight?

Oh, yes. Julia insists.

Well, here's hoping for a repeat performance from our lads.

I intend to get in on the action this time.

[Audience murmuring]

[Cheers and applause]

W.C. Fields, ladies and gentlemen.

Now, our, uh, next performer will be making her debut

here at the Bradley Theatre.

Please welcome Desperate Dora,

here to regale you with stories of her busted romances.

[Applause]

Sir, that's Eleanor Hoffat.

I didn't know she was a comedian.

Pays to be married to the new manager.

MAN: Go on, Dora! What are you waiting for?!

-[ Clears throat ] - WOMAN: Come on, love.

Come on, dear.

They tell me some foreign countries find it difficult

to recruit men for their armies.

But they've got nothing on me.

I've been trying for years to recruit just one man

and can't do it.

[ Laughter]

Another monologist from nowhere.

Just like W.C. Fields.

Perhaps she bought her routine as well.

I'm going to have a word with her.

[ Laughter]

-I'm strong for conscription. - Excuse me.

But then what can I expect? Look at me.

I'm so thin,

I have to drink muddy water so you can't see through me.

I'm hardly a catch.

[ Laughter]

Last summer, I thought I had one landed --

a traveling salesman.

He suggested we go bathing.

But the moment he got a flash, he kept on traveling.

A clinging wet bathing suit is all right --

if it has something to cling to.

Mr. Hoffat, I need to speak to your wife immediately.

But she's in the middle of a routine.

Yes. And who wrote this monologue?

Well, she did, of course.

Well, then I have to arrest her for writing the monologue

that incited Mr. Allen to kill Mr. Grady.

Wait.

It wasn't her.

I wrote it,

just as I had written for Mr. Grady

in exchange for money.

As well as the one Mr. Fields performed recently.

Eleanor acted as my courier,

delivering the monologues to Mr. Grady in his hotel.

That's how the affair began.

It wasn't enough that I was making him a star.

He wanted my wife, too.

I should never have put her in that position.

You provoked Mr. Allen to do your murdering for you.

How did you know his secret?

I arrived early to the theater one morning

and saw him digging a pit.

When Mrs. Bradley left for Australia,

I knew he had killed her.

Mr. Hoffat, you realize I must arrest you now.

On what charges?

Inciting a crime is also a crime.

The courts will have to decide on your punishment.

May I finish watching Eleanor's performance?

This has long been an dream of ours.

ELEANOR: Perhaps it's just as well

that I cannot find a husband.

After all, a man will spend $3 a week on roses

when he's courting a girl.

But once married,

he won't even take home a nickel's worth of dandelions.

-[ Laughter] - Thank you.

[Applause]

Keith Allen didn't think that women could be funny.

[Laughs]

[Applause continues]

Thank you so much.

You would like for me to buy you

some more scotch first, Inspector?

[ British accent] No, no, no, Murdoch!

I'll pay for it.

On the other hand, you'll have to cover me!

I'm afraid you still owe me from the last bottle, sir.

I think someone's been helping themselves to my bloody scotch.

I doubt that, sir.

Well, then we'd best check for fingermarks, Murdoch.

Very well, Inspector. I'll be at the bank.

Not the bank, Murdoch! The bottles!

Check the bottles for fingermarks!

Oh, bloody hell!

[ Laughter, applause]

[ Laughter, applause continue]

Inspector! I thought they were quite good.

Well, I didn't want to see it go to waste.

- We did it, George! - Well done, Henry.

- We're going out on a high note. -[ Whistles]

A woman's waiting for you out back.

Waiting for me?

Yeah, you.

[ Drawling ] A woman drove me to drink, you know.

I should write to thank her.

[ Chuckles ]

Mr. Fields, you should be doing your own jokes.

Never mind this juggling business.

I'm not sure about the voice, though,huh?

I didn't know you were here.

May I have your autograph?

Well, who's the comedian?

They let me watch from backstage.

- How'd you manage that? - I said I was your sweetheart.

I am, aren't I?

I'd hope so.

Then you'll take me out?

For the finest dinner a constable's salary can afford.

Well, Simon is at his aunt's for the night.

So perhaps you would come over for tea afterwards?

I'd like that.

I'd like that very much.

Good.

The pipes need fixing again.

- Oh. -[Laughs]

Jake's on you, George Crabtree.

Oh, Julia?

Come and join me. The tea is here.

Brilliant.

William. How thoughtful.

I promise never to stop courting you.

Oh.

Please.

[Whoopee cushion blurts, squeaks]

[ Snorts]

[Laughs]

It worked so well! [Laughs]

[Laughing]