Original subtitles

Previously on Wings:

If we could just find a way

to pump a little cash into the airline

to get us on our feet again.

Right. We need a cash pumper.

Maybe I could find a financial broker--

you know, a guy who could hook us up

with some investors.

Right. We need a hooker.

Gentlemen, let's cut through the guano.

We all know the reason I'm here

is because you guys are in the dumper.

So, just, um, how much were you thinking of investing?

Gentlemen, I don't invest in companies, I buy them.

Well, looks like Clayton

just bought himself an airline.

Joe and Brian Hackett,

this is my son, Cord.

He's just out of school.

Hi. How you doing?

Cord's going to be running Sandpiper.

He's your new boss.

Helen, would you believe this? I'm going to kill that Cord.

He's been here one day; he's running the business.

All rise for the president of Sandpiper.

CORD: Are you ready for this?

Okay, the Todds are going on a three-month tour,

and we are going to fly them.

Just trust me.

We are going to make more money in three months

than you guys made all last year.

Now the tour's off.

Now what do we do? Oh, I don't know.

Well, I hate to say this, but the only thing worse than Cord being here

is Cord not being here.

If his father finds out that he's gone,

he's going to shut us down permanently.

Well, luckily we don't have to worry about that

because he's in Singapore.

Oh, no, he isn't.

(knocking)

Mr. Clayton, what are you doing here?

I just came by to check on my investments

and see my son.

Hey, where do you think you're going?

Look, I gave running this airline a shot, okay?

It didn't work out, so no harm, no foul.

Hold it, hold it. That's not the way it works.

Oh, sure it is. Just ask my father, he'll tell you.

"Cord never finishes anything.

Cord is just a huge screw-up."

Now, you listen to me, Cord.

You know as well as I do that if you leave,

your father's going to shut us down.

Yeah. Well, sorry, that's not my problem.

Where's Cord--

our brilliant, talented president?

He's gone. He bailed on us.

Oh, figures. I never trusted the shifty-eyed little wiener.

Really? Well, just last week,

you were giving that little wiener an herbal wrap.

What am I going to tell Clayton?

I just hope that Brian and Helen

haven't let on that Cord is missing.

Oh, no, no, don't worry. They know how to stall.

I mean, they're not idiots.

Sandpiper! Sandpiper!

BOTH: Go, Sandpiper!

Oh, good, Joe, you're finally here!

We were just showing Mr. Clayton

the official Sandpiper cheer.

Enough of that.

Where's my son?

Uh, he-he's gone.

Gone?

Uh, not, not gone gone,

but gone on a business trip.

Oh. Okay, then.

Business trip? He didn't say anything about a business trip.

Where'd he go?

New York.

Fine. Just tell him...

What kind of business

does he have in New York?

Private business.

Sandpiper business.

None of your business.

Excuse me, Mr. Clayton, if we're going to make

that meeting in Chicago, sir, we'd better be going.

Right. Ted's in charge of acquisitions.

As a matter of fact, he's the one

that brought Sandpiper to my attention.

We'd better get going, sir.

Right. Just make sure Cord's on time

for that Friday board meeting.

Uh, board meeting?

Yeah, it's the quarterly progress report.

All divisions of Clayton Industries

are required to give a presentation.

Well, he, um, might not be back

from his business trip on time.

Well, he'd better be

or he won't have a business to come back to.

Oh, my God, what are we going to do?!

That's no problem. We'll just leave a message

for Cord at his hotel.

Where's he staying, the Plaza?

Oh, I love the Plaza. Oh...

Listen!

There is no hotel.

There is no business trip.

Cord is in New York so he can get a plane to London.

He couldn't handle the pressure, so he split.

Uh-huh.

Well, then, that's it, huh?

It's over. We're dead.

Yup. That's pretty much the bottom line.

I can't believe

you two.

You can't just lay down and take it.

You just give up?

I mean, there are plenty of things you can do.

Like what?

Well, you know, like...

you can, you can, you can not lay down.

And, and, and, and you can not take it.

And, and, and stuff like that there.

You know, Helen's right.

Really? I wasn't just babbling?

Oh, like the village idiot on a sunny day.

But you're right.

We just can't give up.

I'm open to suggestions.

Okay, Cord is on Roy's New York flight.

Go ask Roy to turn the flight around.

Me suck up to Roy for a favor?

Yeah, right.

Oh, Roy, you got a teeny-tiny minute?

Oh, not now, Hackett, I'm busy.

The competing airline just went under,

and I'm drowning in business.

Oh, right, that was you.

Listen, listen, Roy, uh, you remember that guy Cord?

Well, it seems he's on one of your planes to-to New York,

and I really need you to turn it around and get him back here.

It's kind of an emergency.

Oh. Well, let me think about it. No.

Hey, listen, Roy, I want...

Uh, Joe, Joe.

You get more flies with honey.

Um, Roy...

it would really mean a lot to us

if you would call that plane back.

Oh... I didn't realize it was that important.

No.

Look, funny boy,

get that plane back here now!

Helen, Helen, please, please, let me try.

Roy... No.

Well, I tried.

I'm spent. What can we do now?

All right, I'll tell you what we're going to do.

We are going to go to New York and we are going to stop Cord

before he gets on that plane to London.

There you go.

Good plan, Joe.

We are so screwed!

(sighs) I don't believe this.

Cord is not anywhere in this terminal.

Well, there's still one place we haven't looked.

Cord? Hey!

Oh, sorry.

Cord! Hey!

Oh, sorry.

Hey, uh, nice shoes.

Where'd you get them?

What are you, some kind of sicko?

Bloomies. On sale.

Really? Hey, uh, are they comfortable

or just great looking?

Would you stop with the shoes?

We got to find Cord.

Oh, Joe, there you are.

Helen, you ca... you can't come in here.

This is a men's room.

So? I've been in a men's room before.

When? Plenty of times.

Look, we got to find Cord.

Did you look under here? We looked, we looked.

Listen, listen, it's obvious that he's not in here,

so we might as well go check the gate again.

Oh, my God. Cord.

Wh-What are you doing here?

What is she doing here?

You guys are really hung up about this.

What are you, Quakers?

Listen, Cord, please, we are desperate.

Your father wants you at a board meeting on Friday.

You've got to make a presentation.

What? No way.

Look, I told you before

I'm not coming back.

Listen, we don't want you to run the place.

We just need you to show up Friday

and buy us some time.

Could we just discuss this in one minute?

Oh, sure. Thank you.

Take your time, buddy.

Hey... listen, what if we can't talk him into coming

to the board meeting on Friday?

You know what, I don't think we have to worry about that.

I think we're finally getting to him.

Now, deep down, this is a good kid.

He wants to do the right thing.

He just needs to be convinced.

Let's keep talking to him. All right.

Look, I know you're frightened...

and you're confused, but remember,

you're not just doing this for yourself.

You're doing this for all of us. BRIAN: Right.

If it'll make it any easier, you won't be doing it alone.

We'll be there with you,

holding your hand through the whole thing.

Um, honey, listen, I know you're not going to believe me,

but I have been in this exact position before...

and what has helped me is very careful planning

and, and index cards...

but the most important thing is

have fun with it.

Okay, I've been thinking

and you know what?

I'm going to help you guys out.

(toilet flushing)

Hi, Casey.

Hi.

What are you doing?

Well, with Sandpiper in trouble, you know,

I was trying to figure out a way to cut corners.

By clipping coupons?

(laughing)

Amateurs.

What, what do you mean?

To use coupons,

you've still got to spend money.

Now, what you need

is a class at the Scarpacci School of Economics.

Our motto is, "Hey, why pay?"

Oh, right.

You mean like walk instead of taking the bus?

No, no, you take the bus.

You just don't ride on the inside.

Okay, so, you know, I'm riding around town on a tailpipe...

How do I eat?

It's on the house, baby.

Weddings, proms...

Do you know how many little knishes you can eat

before they find out

you're not part of the Finkelman Bar Mitzvah?

Hey, that's good. I'm going to write that one down.

You got a pen?

Compliments of the First National Bank.

Hey, Cord.

How's your presentation coming?

I'm still working on the opening statement.

Oh, come on. Let's, uh, let's hear what you've got so far.

(clearing throat)

"Ladies and gentlemen of the board,

"I can honestly report to you this morning

"that Sandpiper Airlines has lost more money in less time

than any other subsidiary of Clayton Industries."

Well, I don't know.

What do we think of that last line?

It's a start.

Would you mind if I just make one little adjustment?

I know. I know. I know. It's no good.

But what am I supposed to say? It's the truth.

Listen, listen, you start with the truth,

and you put a positive spin on it.

How? In the last two weeks,

we lost 30,000 bucks leasing a stupid luxury jet.

No.

"In the last two weeks,

"we've made a generous capital expenditure

in the pursuit of an aggressive expansion program."

CORD: Wow.

Now, where was I when that happened?

You were blowing 30,000 bucks

on a stupid luxury jet.

Okay, but how do we spin the fact

that we're completely shut down,

and our competition has taken over all our business?

It's simple.

"We're preparing to regroup

"in order that we might better compete

in today's ever changing marketplace."

Wow. What a giant pant-load.

Thank you, Brian.

Oh, uh, got a minute?

Sure, Fay. Come on in.

I know this may not be the best time to bring this up,

but my paycheck bounced.

Oh, so, well, Fay...

Oh, may I?

Fay, certain financial instruments

have been reallocated to assist Sandpiper

in the midst of its corporate restructuring.

Nonetheless, we remain committed

to maintaining our fiduciary responsibilities

to our employees.

Oh.

I-I see.

Now, listen, you little peckerwood!

That kind of bull doesn't cut any ice with me.

Now, you get me my money, in cash, by 5:00.

Got it?

Yes, ma'am.

That's more like it.

Oh, uh, uh, by the by,

best of luck at tomorrow's meeting.

Well, I can see why you'd be nervous.

This, uh, this is one intimidating place.

Who's the party animal?

Uh, he was my father's mentor.

Yeah, he learned everything he knew from that man.

Then he fired him.

Then he made him sit for that portrait.

Look, uh, Helen, I'm sorry you had to come all this way,

and you can't even be in the meeting.

Oh, no, I understand.

I mean, this is important to all of us.

I couldn't exactly hang out at my lunch counter

and wait for the phone to ring.

What are you going to do?

There's a lunch counter downstairs.

Phone me when you have some news.

Cord, what are you doing?

Oh, change of plans.

Okay, I was up all night,

you know, pacing, drinking coffee,

eating doughnuts and junk food and stuff.

You get a lot of ideas at 3:00 a.m.

And you know what? They're all good.

Anyway, I just came up with this whole 'nother way

to go for my presentation.

Wait, hold, hold on a minute. Wait.

What "whole 'nother way"?

Cord.

Dad.

TED: Ladies and gentlemen,

if you'd please take your seats.

Uh, I don't like this, Joey.

I'm starting to get nervous.

Just relax. He's only owned the company for two weeks.

What can he possibly expect from us?

Okay, today we will start with Mike Edwards,

the head of our electronics division.

Well, you know we were up against some obstacles

this quarter, what with labor disputes, the import embargo

and the earthquake that destroyed our plant

in the Far East,

but we were still able to return a nine-percent profit.

Nine percent.

What was projected?

Uh, twelve-and-a-half percent.

Oh, God, here it comes.

Here what comes?

The big ugly.

So, you're saying you're three-and-a-half percent

short of your goal,

and this is supposed to please me?

Well, the earthquake, the embargo...

Shut up, you pathetic old, burnt-out shell.

You're paid for results, not excuses.

Get out of my sight.

I'm ashamed to call you my uncle.

Wow. That was a pretty big ugly.

So, Ted, what's next?

Uh, that would be Sandpiper.

Cord.

Yeah! Yeah!

All right!

Lights, please.

Anytime, Cord.

La-Ladies...

CLAYTON: Cord!

I'm sorry.

I can't do this.

TED: I'm sorry, Mr. Clayton,

Cord seems to have left the building.

Well, gentlemen,

it looks like you'll be giving the Sandpiper presentation

in Cord's absence.

I smell a big ugly.

Lights.

Ah.

Sandpiper...

yes, Sandpiper.

Gimme an "S"!

Gimme an "A"!

Gimme the next slide.

Hey, it's the airport.

The airport.

It's nice there.

Yes, nice.

Very nice.

Clean.

It's Fay.

This is Fay.

Fay, our reservations agent.

She's very nice.

And clean.

Uh... uh, this is the president and C.E.O. Of Sandpiper Air,

a man who will lead us into the 21st century.

These are the nostrils of the man

who's going to lead us into the 21st century.

Uh...

uh...

just like these cupcakes,

we hope that Sandpiper air

will be... your hostess in the sky.

This pie chart...

...clearly indicates Sandpiper's on the way up.

Well, that's just self-explanatory.

Boy, I dread going back in there.

That presentation may be the biggest ugly I've ever seen.

Maybe.

Maybe not.

What do you mean?

Well...

it could be that somebody recommended

that Mr. Clayton put his idiot son in charge

so we could get that huge tax write-off

we need for the fourth quarter.

You mean, Sandpiper was never supposed to make money?

Oh, please, with that boob Cord in control?

Oh-ho, man, are you going to be a hero.

Gee... you think?

And we're bending over backwards

to meet all your transportation needs.

(strained): Lights.

Well, after that,

I think we've all earned a five-minute break.

Good to be on board.

BRIAN: Good to be on the team.

See you at the company picnic.

Well, look who's here.

Sorry.

But I told you I couldn't handle this.

Good. I'm glad you're back.

CLAYTON: You should hear this ,too.

TED: Excuse me, sir,

if I might interrupt.

Now, Sandpiper is obviously unsalvageable.

However, I just had a thought.

We've been looking for a tax write-off for the fourth quarter,

and, well, perhaps we've found it.

Wait a minute.

He didn't just think of this.

He planned it.

He tried to convince you to hire Cord

'cause he was sure he'd fail.

You're crazy.

I am not crazy.

Where did you get this information?

In the men's room.

BRIAN: Wait a second.

You're telling me that all this time

we were set up to fail?

No, you weren't.

I was.

Is this true?

You had me put my son at Sandpiper

because you knew he'd screw up? Yes.

No, sir, I was merely reassigning our personnel resources

to maximize the workforce.

Pant-load. Pant-load.

You used my son?!

Go wait in my office!

N-N-No, but...

Now!

But...

(shouting): Now!

Ooh...

Private big ugly.

That's got to hurt.

Son, I'm sorry,

but you know I would never set you up to fail.

What can I do to make it up to you?

Well...

you know that hotel you own on St. Thomas?

Yes. You want to run that?

Run it?

No way.

I just want to hang out by the pool

and live off my trust fund.

Well, I always say, "Go with your strengths."

(chuckles) You've got it.

W-Wait a minute.

What about Sandpiper?

Well, as a matter of fact,

I think it would be a pretty good write-off.

Excuse me, Mr. Clayton,

we don't want to just be a tax write-off.

Well, what do you want?

Uh, trust fund, trust fund.

We want the deal that we thought we had from the beginning--

a silent investor.

Now, look, Mr. Clayton, we're a small airline.

We will always be a small airline,

but with your help,

we can be a profitable one.

Yeah, come on, Dad, you can do that.

Ah, what the hell.

Done.

Come on, son,

I think it's time we spent some quality time together.

You can watch me give Ted the big ugly.

Cool.

Um, I'll be right there.

So, it was fun running your company...

into the ground.

Ah, you didn't run it into the ground.

You merely temporarily

reallocated our resources into a negative mode.

Thanks.

Thank you.

Bye.

Bye.

Wow.

We have, we have an airline again.

Congratulations, Joe.

Hey, you know what? I think we should all go celebrate, huh?

Yeah, let's do that. Let's go.

Oh, but give me a minute,

'cause I got to go hit the men's room.