Original subtitles

(knocking)

Yeah.

Brian...

Here are today's flight logs.

Thanks, Fay. Do you want me to file them?

No, that's all right.

I'll file them myself.

(knocking)

Yeah.

Hey...

Is joe around?

Uh, no.

Well, tell him I'm looking for him.

Yeah, will do.

Brian?

(screams) What?!

You scared the hell out of me.

Don't sneak up on me like that.

Yeah. Here's the five dollars I borrowed from you.

Oh, by the way, happy Halloween.

Huh... is it Halloween already?

So, Fay...

What do you think?

Well, uh...

No, no, look...

I want you to be honest with me.

Do I look like a complete dork?

Well, when you say "complete"...

Oh, I knew it! This is what I get

for waiting till the last minute to rent a costume.

You mean that's all they had left?

It was either this or Miss Piggy.

Well, if you hurry, I'll bet they're not closed yet.

Forget it, Fay,

I am not going to the Halloween festival

dressed as a pig.

Besides, it was a little tight in the butt.

Huh? Huh?

(laughing): Huh?

Oh, wow...

that's just...

Wow.

You really like it?

Oh... it's the best one of those I've ever seen.

You don't know what I am, do you?

Not a clue.

Okay.

Maybe you need the full effect.

I see.

Boy, that's even more confusing.

I'm a twister...

like in the movie Twister.

You remember the cow?

You're laughing, huh?

Obviously you haven't seen your husband yet.

Hi, what would you like?

What would I like?

I'd like my wife back.

She left me.

(sniffles)

Oh... I'm sorry.

I can't help you there,

but how about a jack-o'-lantern cookie?

You know why she left me?

Because of my weight.

I lost 80 pounds

and she couldn't take the new, trim me.

Who can blame her?

I'm wasting away.

I'm all skin and bones.

I-I don't think so at all.

I think you're still a very chubby man.

Thank you,

but... you're not my wife.

No, I'm not.

Well, if she wants fat

I'll give her fat.

Give me all the cookies you've got.

No-no-no, listen...

you should be proud of losing that weight

'cause it's not easy.

I know, 'cause I've been there.

In high school, I was voted most likely to explode.

Announcing the boarding

of Sandpiper Scair's 6:00 flight to Boston

through gate one.

Have a ghoul flight.

Good luck, sir.

Thank you.

Oh. Forgot my cooler.

No-no-no.

You don't need this.

But I do need that.

Listen.

I used to travel with a cooler too.

I know what's in here.

You got eskimo pies, raw cookie dough, salami...

No, you don't understand. I'm a medical courier.

Yes, and I was selling Girl Scout cookies.

No, I'm a medical courier on a priority one delivery.

I've got the gift of life in there.

Oh, wow.

You mean, you're saying in here... Yes.

What are you standing there for? Go. Get on the plane.

Yeah.

(phone rings)

Hello?

Marge. Is that really you?

Fay, what was with the announcement?

We don't have a flight.

We're all going to the festival.

Well, I'm sorry but that man

just showed up, and I had to sell him a ticket.

Well, you know what this means?

This means that the little wooden dork

is going to miss the festival.

You are on very thin ice with me, missy.

Why don't you take the flight?

Because half of me feels bloated

and the other half of me

doesn't give a damn about anybody but himself.

Really?

You want to see me now?

But... but I'm on a job.

You're wearing the backless muumuu?

I have to think...

Marge, no, Marge, don't hang up...

I'm not taking that flight.

Yeah? Well, neither am I.

Well, one of you has to take it.

Excuse me, sir, your flight is about to board.

No, I don't even know if I'm getting on that flight.

Uh, um... excuse me...

are you saying that, uh,

you might not be taking that flight?

Yeah. I don't know.

I'm very confused.

Well, perhaps we can be of some help.

Talk to us.

Okay.

My wife left me, but she just called

and wants to meet at our favorite restaurant

but I'm going on a very important job.

Job?

Job?

The woman you love is waiting for you

and you can't think of anything else but your job?

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Is a job going to love you?

Is a job going to keep you warm at night?

Is a job going to wake you up in the morning

by nibbling at the back of your neck?

And if so, are they hiring?

Now, you got to ask yourself--

if this woman leaves you

will you be able to live with it?

No, I can't.

Well, then, what are you waiting for?

Go. Run to her.

Run like the wind.

But y-you really think I should go?

Look at me.

Would I lie to you?

You're right.

I'm going.

Thank you. Thank you.

Nice work.

Likewise.

Oh, Brian...

you haven't said anything about my costume.

What do you think?

Hmm, well...

the man in me says, "ooh, baby."

The woman in me wants to scratch your eyes out.

Come on, let's go.

Helen...

Look, this guy left his coat,

he left his lunch...

Oh, man. Hey, Fay... do me a favor,

will you chuck this into the lost and found, please?

Brian... what are you doing with that?

Some guy left it.

Hey, if he doesn't claim it in 30 days, we can keep it.

No, you cannot keep that.

Sure you can.

How do you think we got our electric toothbrush?

That guy was a medical courier.

He was on a priority one delivery.

He said he was carrying "the gift of life" in there.

Oh, my God.

Priority one?

I mean, that's got to be life-and-death.

There's only one thing to do-- open it.

I'm not going to open it.

Don't look at me.

Joe.

Why do I have to open it?

'Cause you have the geekiest costume.

It was the last one left.

HELEN: Well? What is it?

It says "Nelson's heart."

Wow.

There's a human heart in there.

So, what do we do with it?

Well, it said Nelson's heart.

I say we get it to Nelson.

He's probably getting pretty antsy right now.

No, the label said Nelson's the donor.

We got to find out where it's supposed to go.

Avast, ye mateys.

Arrrr!

Damn. Miss Piggy was just sitting there.

Well, I don't understand.

I mean, what would make a man leave a heart

in the middle of an airport?

Ask these two.

What? Hey, it wasn't our fault.

The guy left to meet his wife.

That's right. Plus, she was wearing a backless muumuu.

He's not made of stone.

Anyway, the important thing right now is

what are we going to do with this heart?

That's right.

I mean, I don't know when it was harvested,

but we've got two hours max before it goes cardic.

Doesn't anybody watch E.R.?

I mean, that's just common knowledge.

Oh, wait. The courier's name was on his ticket.

I'll go look it up.

No, you idiot.

I'm a twister, a twister.

Where do you get escaped mental patient?

What are we looking at?

Antonio, there's a human heart in this cooler.

(laughing): Oh, sure.

I get it. I get it. Antonio, the fool.

Antonio, the butt of your little Halloween prank.

Antonio, who can't make a costume

that anyone can recognize.

Ooh!

Be still, my heart.

No!

Will you just..?

It's beating in there.

Antonio...

Ah...

Psst! Hey, Hackett.

Could I talk to you for just a second, please?

What is it, Roy?

I hear you got a heart on your hands.

Listen, I make one phone call,

we're both rich men.

What are you saying, Roy?

You want to fence the heart?

Black market.

It's what we call in the trade...

"booty."

Forget it, Roy.

I'm not interested.

Listen up, everybody, we don't have a minute to lose.

We have got to find this courier.

Fay, did you get his name?

It's Dave Gardner.

Yes, and he said he and his wife

were going to go eat at their favorite restaurant.

Okay, great. Antonio, how are you feeling?

You still queasy?

No. My stomach's quieted down.

Okay, good. Check every steak house, rib house, chop house,

clam house, slop house and pancake house on the island.

Helen, you go with him. You know what he looks like.

Right. More importantly, I know where he eats.

I've been in that world.

Okay, Fay, I want you to call this guy

and leave a message that we're looking for him.

Casey, you call all the area hospitals.

Brian and I will check every courier service

that does business on the island.

Roy, where are you going with that?

Well, I just thought the heart

would be more comfortable in my office,

you know, with the air conditioning and everything.

Forget it, Roy, we are not selling the heart.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Roy, you got a nibble?

What kind of money are we talking?

Let's just say that one man's angina

is another man's Lexus.

How crass can you be?

Why don't you just hang out a sign:

"Hearts for sale. Free boom box with purchase."

Damn. Another machine.

Every courier service I've called is closed.

Well, we've got to do something.

Because of us, there's some poor guy walking around

out there without a heart.

And there's some guy sitting right here

without a brain.

Don't talk to me like that.

You're just a silly little man in silly little shorts.

All right, let's have this out right now.

Would you be happier if I was Miss Piggy?

Gut reaction? Yeah.

What are we talking about?

We're holding a man's life in our hands.

God, I feel so helpless.

I wish I knew what to do.

Let me ask you something.

If something bad happened to me ever

would you give me a lung?

What?

How about a kidney? You'd give me a kidney, wouldn't you?

Brian, please, I should call Boston.

A thumb?

Aw, come on.

A crummy little thumb.

No word yet from Dave Gardner.

By the way,

he has the cutest recording on his answering machine.

It goes, "hi. This is Dave, the burger king

"and Margie, his dairy queen.

"We're not home right now

but if you'd like to leave a McMessage..."

Okay. We get it, Fay. It's adorable.

Come on, this is ridiculous.

You can't just donate a heart without having a record of it.

Why don't you call the A.M.A.?

Maybe they have some sort of missing organ file or something.

"McMessage."

I love that.

Brian, there's got to be something else we can do.

Think, think.

Say I needed a skin graft.

Come on, some lousy stinking skin.

God knows you've got some extra right here.

Now, you get this straight.

You're not getting anything--

not an eyelash, not a toenail.

In fact, you borrowed a tie from me.

I want it back.

Every Halloween,

the same sad people

with the same old, sad costumes.

Skeleton...

ghost...

mummy...

ghost...

ghost...

Kathie Lee.

Any luck at Hamburger Howie's?

Yeah, they've got a new fried onion brick.

No, I meant about Dave, the courier.

Was he there?

Did you find out anything?

No, he wasn't there, but he is a regular.

And they have a menu item named after him--

Dave's Double Delight.

It's 20 ounces of ground chuck in a cheese log

served with a side of fries.

It wasn't that good.

You're really pounding those groceries.

Don't you think you better ease up a little?

Back off. I had a light lunch.

Oh, really?

You keep eating that brick

and there won't be any doubt about who gets that heart.

Look, I've got a human organ in my hands,

and I don't know what to do with it.

Hello?

Hello?

Oh, sorry.

Hey, great costume.

Thanks. Where do you go to school?

Oh. Oh, you think I...

Radcliffe.

So, who are you supposed to be?

Oh, I'm one of the murder victims

from Nightmare on Elm Street.

Oh, yeah, my mom liked that movie.

Oh... yeah, mine too.

She, like, helped me with my costume and all.

Listen, if you're not doing anything tonight

a bunch of us are having a Halloween party

at my folks' house.

They're out of town.

Oh... bitchin'.

Whatever.

Um, hey, why don't you stop by.

Come on, Dylan.

We've got everything.

Let's go.

Yeah, I'll tell my mom you liked the costume.

Are you out of your mind?

Come on,

guys can still have kids with only one.

Brian, I am not going to let you strip me for parts.

And if you ask me again

I'm reaching in and taking stuff from you.

I've got it-- Boston University Medical Center.

Senator Fred Bornemann.

He's waiting for a heart and it hasn't shown up.

Great. Let's go.

Casey, we found the recipient.

Is that heart iced

and ready to go?

I think so-- let me check.

Oh, hey, great idea.

'Cause when the senator gets his heart

he's going to want to knock back a cold one to celebrate.

Casey, there's no heart in there.

Where's the heart?

I don't know--

I mean, I had my eye on it every minute

except for when I was talking to that cute guy...

Oh, no.

What?

I think the heart just went

to a Halloween party.

(rock music playing)

Hey, old dude.

I think you got the wrong party.

No. Look, I'm looking for a red cooler.

I've got to find it.

It's a matter of life and death.

Old dude needs a brew.

No, no... you don't understand.

I don't need a beer.

I'll check the other rooms.

Hey, can you... Excuse me.

I'm looking for a cooler. Can you help me, please?

It's really important.

Oh, thank God.

A medical student.

You can help me.

All right, a medical courier

left a heart intended for transplant in the airport.

Someone here took it by mistake.

It is imperative that we get it

to Boston University Medical Center.

Easy, Peter Pan. I'm not a med student.

He is.

Okay. Please, everybody,

could I have your attention for a minute?

Hey, hey, hey!

Old dude wants to say something.

First of all... (snickers)

I'm not an old dude.

Second of all, I am not Peter Pan.

I am Pinocchio.

Turn off MTV and crack a book for once in your lives.

Now, there is a human organ in here

and I need to find it.

(crowd oohing)

There is a heart on ice...

Oh, I got a heart on ice right here!

CROWD: Yeah!

Well, if this is the future of our country

I, for one, am saddened.

Brian! Brian!

CROWD: Go! Go! Go! Go!

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

(yelling)

What are you doing?

Hey, if you got to get information from these kids

you got to speak their language.

(belches loudly)

Come on!

Hey, chill, old dude.

Come on, let's find that heart.

Hey, who bailed on the beer?

What's this Nelson's heart stuff? Is that like Zima?

Come on. We've got it, Brian.

Let's go.

Oh, hey, Casey, Casey.

It's okay. We've got the heart.

The what?

Hi.

You know old dude?

Uh, yeah.

He's, like, a friend of my parents'.

I got ants in my freakin' cab.

I got ants!

You know... stop complaining.

We're trying to save a man's life.

Where is my Superslurp?

Airport-- right away.

Hey, hey...

sorry, off duty.

No, this is an emergency.

Hey, buddy, I got an emergency of my own.

I just drank a 30-ounce Coke

and there's no zipper in my costume!

Mm! Oh, my God! It's him!

We've been looking all over for you!

Oh, you're the lady from the airport.

He's Dave? That's Dave.

Would you tell him I got to get to the airport

and get that cooler.

Oh, no, we don't have the time.

Just tell me where the heart goes.

I'll call my husband-- he's standing by to deliver it.

Heart? There's no heart in that cooler.

Don't tell me there's no heart in that cooler!

I've been worried sick about that heart.

Where'd you get that idea that there was a heart in the cooler?

It said it on the container: "Nelson's heart."

No, "Nelson's Heart" is a racehorse

that's been put out to stud.

So there's this mare outside Boston waiting to be...

You know.

Well, she's waiting for his...

you know...

Oh, my God.

What they have in that cooler is...

All right, we've got the gift of life here.

Gift of life coming through.

Out of our way!

What we have here belongs

in the United States senator.

This is the proudest moment of my life.

I just wish Dad were here to see us.

We're Joe and Brian Hackett.

We have the senator's heart.

Thank God. They're waiting for this.

Whoo!

Huh... we made it.

I can't believe we made it.

We just saved a man's life.

Yeah. Feels good, doesn't it?

Feels damn good.

Is this some kind of a sick joke?

What are you talking about?

I have the senator's heart.

Sorry I'm late.

We had a problem with the med-evac.

Wait a minute.

If he had the heart, what do we have?

Hey! Hey! We didn't know!

It's a mistake anyone could make.

I'll slap a sexual harassment suit

on that guy so fast, his head'll spin.

Okay, just calm down. Calm down.

Here, let me help you. Here you go.

You look beautiful. Take a deep breath.

You okay?

Yeah. You okay?

Yeah.

You all right? Yeah.