Original subtitles

JOE: Previously on Wings:

There was an accident.

(erotic moaning)

CASEY: Fire!

Fire!

Fire?

Fire!

What is that?

It's a welcome home gift for Joe and Helen.

Uh, kitten...?

We already gave them a welcome home gift, remember?

We burned their house down!

JOE: And then a year later, there was...

well, kind of... um, another accident.

What are you doing?

You can't light a cigar in the house...

Oh, it's not our house anymore.

Fire it up, babe.

Smoke, Joe! Smoke!

Trust me, I've already got the pedal to the metal here.

Fire! What?

Helen...

Yeah.

Brian's house is barbecue.

Maybe it just looks worse than it is

because of all the smoke.

And shooting flames.

Let's not lose hope.

I'm sure they can save it.

MAN: Stand back! She's going down!

Boy, I was just way off on that one.

At least we're okay.

Oh, yeah.

When you think of what could have happened to us.

Yeah, it's times like this

that makes you realize what's really important in life.

Yeah.

Oh, Joe, I love you.

I love you, too.

So... what did you do?

What do you mean, what did I do?

Well, fires don't just start themselves.

You must have left something on.

Well, I don't think I did.

Come on, think, think, think.

I don't know--

um, the hair dryer, the styling wand...

No, I turned all my stuff off.

Now come on, think.

I don't know.

The last thing I remember is

Brian and Casey took the last boxes

over to our new house, and we sat down

and then you got out that cigar to celebrate.

And then you lit the cigar.

And then you puffed on that cigar for a while.

What difference does it make how it started?

What's done is done.

You did put the cigar out, didn't you?

Oh, would you stop obsessing about that stupid cigar?

What's important is all that garbage

about us not losing each other.

You burned Brian's house down?!

Shh!

We're okay, guys.

It's all right.

I wonder what's keeping Joe and Helen?

They should have been here by now.

I don't know.

I just wish they'd hurry up.

I'm tired. I'm cranky.

I just want to get back to my house.

Oh, it feels good saying that.

My house. (sirens passsing)

Hey, I got a room there, too, remember?

Yes, that's true.

And you shall have your little rented space,

but never forget that it's contained within the walls

of my house!

(sirens wailing)

Sounds like some big fire. I wonder where it is.

Who cares?

It's not my problem.

Hey, we've all got places to be.

Go around me next time.

Damn firemen think they own the road.

Hi, Antonio.

Fay, help me unpack.

Well, why don't you just hand me

a sponge and a bucket and point me to the toilet?

Oh, look at this place.

And right on the beach.

You know what that means, don't you?

Holiday weekends,

Fourth of July parties.

Yeah, right.

If you think you're ever going to see this place again,

you're kidding yourself.

What are you talking about?

They're not going to be hanging out

with us inlanders anymore.

They're beach people now.

What do you mean, "beach people?"

You know-- beach people.

You've seen them with the tans

and the sandals, the daiquiris...

and always with the volleyball, volleyball, volleyball.

That's ridiculous.

Joe and Helen are friends.

We're like family.

Uh-huh.

Oh, you're right.

Who am I kidding?

The only way I'll see this place again

is if I fall off the ferry

and wash up on shore.

Antonio, give Joe and Helen a little credit.

Just because they bought this house

doesn't mean they're going to become beach people.

Helen!

Just let it go.

You're an inlander.

You're dead to her now.

(Fay screaming)

What's the matter? What's going on?

In the hot tub...

I saw...

Oh! Oh!

Hey, hey, there's no sign up saying "suits required."

Roy, what gives you the right

to just walk in and use their hot tub?

What's the big deal?

So I came here a couple of times

to sit in it and watch the sunset, huh?

And occasionally to have my morning coffee.

And once with Big Dot from the gas station.

Would you look at this.

Helen has a cow creamer.

Is that tacky enough for you?

Moo. Moo.

That's mine, thank you.

(door closing)

That's them! Here they are.

Get a glass.

Get ready.

Ready? Here we go.

ALL: Congratula...

...tions!

FAY: Oh, my God! Joe, Joe...

You all right?

Why are you guys wearing blankets?

Yeah, what's the matter? What happened?

I... I've got something to tell you.

Well, I've got something to tell you, too.

You've got an algae problem in that hot tub.

It doesn't bother me,

but Big Dot was really sliding around.

You guys,

what's going on?

Brian, I've got some bad news.

Now, I could have sent

some stranger to tell you,

somebody cold and impersonal,

but I think you deserve to hear it from me--

from the heart.

"At exactly 2100 hours, Unit 42 responded

"to a fully-involved level-four conflagration

"resulting in the complete

dissolution of lot 49-B."

There, I said it.

Said what?

Joe burned your house down.

Wh-wh-what?

It was an accident.

You... you burned my house down?

I'm so sorry.

Wh... How, how bad is it?

There's nothing left.

My room, too?

No, oddly enough, your second story room,

supported by no house at all, is still standing.

Brian, I'm...

really, really sorry.

Fay, have you seen Brian?

Not since last night.

Didn't he come home?

No.

How could he just walk out like that?

At least when he burned Helen's house down,

I had the decency to scream at him

and throw him out of my life.

Well, you've always been the bigger person.

He lost everything in that fire.

He hasn't even said a word to me.

Oh, look. He's in shock.

He's not thinking about possessions.

W-when my third husband died,

do you think the first thing I thought of

was the cruise we booked to Bermuda?

The luggage we bought?

The exciting new deck wear?

Whether I could get a rain check

on the sister ship that was leaving Fort Lauderdale

for St. Thomas in two weeks,

which, thank God, it turned out I could?

My new lavender shoes?

Gone. All my makeup?

Gone.

My gold locket?

Was your locket made of asbestos

and buried in a fireproof safe underneath the house?

Course not.

Gone.

Casey, I know what you're going through,

but you're just going to have to face the fact

that you lost everything in the fire.

All right.

Okay?

All right.

My blue Donna Karan dress?

That's not your blue Donna Karan dress-- I lent that to you.

Oops.

Gone.

Brian? I...

Gosh.

Look at him.

What are we going to do?

It's not good for him

to keep this all bottled inside.

Let me try. Maybe I can get him to open up

just a little bit.

Brian?

My house is gone!

My life is gone!

The only thing in the world that says

that Brian Hackett was ever here

is this juicer.

Hey, th-that's mine.

Don't you people ever return anything?

Now...

now I really

have nothing.

Brian, I'm really, really sorry.

Oh, come on.

If you had a shred of decency,

you'd scream at me.

Come on, hit me.

Hurt me, humiliate me.

Come on, man, I need it.

Call this number in Boston.

Ask for Katrina.

She'll put you right.

HELEN: Come on, Brian.

I know how you feel.

You burned my house down.

I lost everything.

How could you possibly know how I feel?

Last year, you burned my house down

and I lost everything.

That's a completely different thing.

I know it's hard for you to believe this right now,

but it's going to get a lot better

when you get your insurance check and...

You know, that's right. She's right.

You get a big insurance check

and you'll start replacing things, and bit by bit

your life will come together again.

Yeah, yeah, a check.

Money-- like that's going to make everything better?

Do you know what I lost?

No, really, I'm asking you.

Do you know what I lost?

Because right now all I can think of

is a damp old house with some lousy plumbing

and some ratty old furniture.

And a clock radio that I borrowed from Fay.

Nothing my insurance check won't cover.

Your big insurance check.

Your big fat insurance check.

Joe? I'm a-gonna get a big fat check.

Oh, yes, you are

and everything is going to be okay,

so, tell me-- do you forgive me?

Forgive you?

You burned my house down.

I love you!

Check, please!

Check, please.

Check, please.

Check, please.

Check, please.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

I am looking for a Brian Hackett.

I'm a Brian Hackett, but you're gonna have to give me a minute,

I'm dancing with my brother.

Check, please.

Check, please.

Fine. Soon as you boys

decide to sit one out, let me know.

I'm Claire Barnett from Whitewood insurance.

Hell-o.

You insurance guys are really fast.

And good looking.

Incidentally, I'm not from claims.

I'm from...

investigations.

Oh, flip that badge.

What's to investigate?

It was a fire.

Who are you?

I'm Joe Hackett.

Oh, yes. The brother.

It was just about a year ago, you and your wife were paid

a six-figure settlement for another fire.

Hold it. What has our fire got to do with anything?

We already got our check.

And now I want my check.

My big fat check.

Before you get

your big fat check,

I got some big fat questions.

What questions?

And you are?

Casey Chappel.

Oh, yes, co-starter of the first fire,

co-victim of the second.

There's no problem, is there?

Is there someplace we can talk in private?

You can use my office.

Good. Let's get started.

One at a time.

You first.

I'll bet a woman like that

could wear wool without an undershirt.

Thank you all for your time.

You'll be hearing from us.

Hold it a minute. That's it?

"You'll be hearing from us"?

Yeah, we answered all your questions.

I think you should tell us what's going on.

I'm beginning to think

that there might be some delay with my check.

A delay with your check?

You people don't get it, do you?

We're talking about arson and insurance fraud.

That's a crime.

Maybe on this quaint little island,

they tie you up in the town square

and they lob fruit at you,

but where I come from, they toss your can in jail.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I am going to write up my report.

Arson?

Insurance fraud?

What the hell just happened here?

I don't know.

But we didn't do anything wrong.

Yeah, well, that investigator sure thinks we did.

HELEN: This is crazy.

It was an accident.

How could she possibly think

we would set that fire on purpose?

Obviously, somebody said something

that made her suspicious.

Who?

It wasn't me.

It wasn't me.

I didn't say anything.

Well, it sure as hell wasn't me.

Look, I didn't do anything.

I didn't.

Well, I didn't!

Just relax, Mr. Hackett.

I haven't even asked you anything yet.

And if you didn't...

I didn't!

Then you have nothing to worry about.

Smoke?

I don't smoke.

Really?

According to the report,

you stated that the fire

was touched off by a cigar.

That's right.

But you don't smoke,

so I guess it must have been an unlit cigar.

No...

uh, no, I lit it.

So you lit it, but you didn't smoke it

because as you just said, you don't smoke.

I only smoked that one time.

So the one time in your life

that you smoked, you burned down a house.

Exactly!

No, wait-- that didn't sound good.

Oh... you know what?

I want to ask you something.

What?

Why do I have to go first?

I'm a little confused about something--

once you saw the cigar setting the house on fire,

why didn't you call the fire department?

We didn't see it set the house on fire.

We weren't there.

Well, of course not.

I wouldn't hang around either

if I'd just torched a house.

No, we were there...

Oh, so now you were there.

Which is it?

Well, we were upstairs.

Upstairs?

What could you possibly

have been doing upstairs

that you didn't notice

that the house was on fire?

We were... we were having...

sex.

What?

Sex-- we were having sex.

Wait a minute.

You are telling me

that you were so involved in having sex

that you didn't smell the smoke, feel the heat?

Sure, but I just thought Joe was really on his game.

Haven't you ever had the kind of hot, sweaty, out-of-control sex

that you lose all sense of what's going on around you?

Well, I guess not.

So, you expect me to believe that two houses burned down

because the people inside were lost in the throes

of some kind of sexual frenzy?

It happens.

Not according to our records.

I ran the possibilities through my computer

and the answer came up:

"No freaking way, cupcake."

I'm sorry.

I just don't buy it.

Okay, then.

What would you buy?

I want to make this very easy for you.

What would get me my check faster?

You seem very eager to get that check.

Are you kidding?

Joe and Helen got a beach house out of the deal.

Now it's this boy's turn to cash in and...

and-and donate a major portion of that money to...

to orphans...

uh, unwed moms...

insurance investigators?

Let's cut through the bullion.

This was a very neat little scheme--

you burn down their house,

they burn down your house,

everybody gets a check

and the next thing you know,

you're beach people.

We would never do anything like that.

We're innocent, I tell you.

Innocent!

You have to believe us.

If you take that money away, we'll lose our house.

Oh, please, don't make me go back to being an inlander.

Um, by the by,

do I get the money in one lump sum

or do you weenie it out over 20 years

like the lottery?

You look pretty smart.

I bet you were the brains behind this little scam,

weren't you?

No.

No!

No.

Well, if there was a scam,

I'd certainly be the brains of it.

Who wants to say it first?

No one?

Okay, I will.

We're screwed.

We can't be screwed.

We're innocent.

Two fires in a year

in the same family

both caused by sex?

I know it's the truth

and I don't even believe us.

You know that woman never will.

Oh, yes, she will. She will.

You know why?

Because it's the truth.

Trust me-- we've got nothing to worry about.

Where you going?

Call a lawyer.

Good idea.

We are so screwed.

I'll, uh... just put your bag down over here

if that's okay.

What are you looking at?

Nothing.

Nothing.

You've been staring at me

from the moment I walked into that airport.

No, I haven't.

Yes, you have.

Don't deny it.

I'm a very observant person.

You were checking me out, weren't you?

No.

Weren't you?

No!

Weren't you?!

Yes!

Yes, I've been staring at you.

I can't help it.

From the moment I saw you,

you stirred a passion deep inside me.

I just can't take my eyes off you.

There, I said it.

Am I in trouble?

I think we're both in trouble.

Okay, you guys, we got to be at the lawyer's

in about ten minutes.

Yeah, um...

about that...

Yeah, Brian and I...

aren't going.

What do you mean?

Well...

we changed our minds.

What's going on?

Something stinks here.

Yeah.

I think they cut a deal.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

Right. At this point,

there's only been a conversation.

A conversation, huh?

You're wearing a wire, aren't you?

Ahh!

How could you do this?

My own brother...

my blood...

I danced with you.

There is no point

in all four of us going to prison.

So you'll get five to ten.

You'll be out of there in 2 1/2 years.

You can do that time standing on your head.

Although I wouldn't advise doing it that way.

You'll just be inviting trouble.

Well, if we're going down,

you're going down with us.

JOE: It's all right, Helen.

We're not going anywhere.

Oh, that's right.

It's our word against theirs.

Now, wait a second.

What makes you think

that they would believe you over us?

Because we're beach people.

I knew it would come to that!

I knew! I knew it would come to that!

(all bickering)

About that check--

it'll be in the mail.

I can't believe it's come to this.

Hey, we had no choice.

Come on, we could be in jail right now.

Let's face it, Helen--

this... is the lesser of two evils.

Great game, fellas.

Hey, Joe, we got winners.

Helen, what's keeping those daiquiris?