Original subtitles

Last time, on Wings:

Thanks to this schedule right here,

our wedding is gonna run like a well-oiled machine.

Right now, the cake is en route,

the flowers are being delivered,

and Brian is at the store picking up our tuxes.

(screams)

(both screaming)

(both scream again)

You seduced me.

Me? Who was the one who crawled into my bed "by mistake?"

Can't wait for Casey to see me in this tux.

Today might just be the day I make my move.

What's wrong with us?

We're sick!

I cannot believe that you slept with Casey.

(yelling in Italian)

It's the ring!

No!

Okay, baby...

...you don't want Antonio Scarpacci, fine.

Here's a little taste of what you'll be missing.

What possessed you to put your hand in the toilet?

Your ring fell in.

Oh, hold on, baby,

don't let that sucker go.

I now pronounce you husband

and wife.

Joe, isn't Jamaica beautiful?

Look at this place.

Welcome to Jamaica, mon.

Thanks.

We have reservations... mon.

Mr. And Mrs. Hackett.

That's the first time I've ever said that, Joe.

You say it.

Mr. And Mrs. Hackett.

We're newlyweds.

(sarcastically): No.

Your room will be ready in a minute.

Great. Thanks.

Oh, Joe, there's all kinds of things to do here, look:

Windsurfing, scuba diving...

Tennis, golf, parasailing.

Wow. What do you want to do first?

(reggae music playing)

There's no plan

No need to run, run, run

'Cause all the fun is underneath the sun

And two can have much more fun than one

In sunland

Me think it all you hearing what I said

And there's lots of time for laying 'round in bed

Use your body and relax your head

It's funland

'Cause everybody knows

You don't need so much clothes

Take off your hat and shoes

And do anything you choose

If, for all you know, you've got it made

Here is where you let your worries fade

A coconut, pineapple in the shade

In sunland

(echoing): Yeah, mon...

Na-na-na-na, hey.

I can't believe we're leaving tomorrow.

Where did this week go?

Well, between the parasailing, the snorkeling, the tennis...

Yeah, maybe someday we'll come back here

and actually do some of those things.

I'm so happy right now.

Yeah, me too.

Life is good.

Life is great.

Life sucks.

Gee, Scarpacci, you look like hell.

No one's seen you since the wedding.

Are you okay?

Who cares?

Buddy, I care.

We had a pool going about what happened to you.

I had 50 bucks on "Drove cab off pier."

So where you been all week?

Got arrested.

Apparently it's a crime to pee off the lighthouse.

Damn, Lowell wins every pool.

I'm so embarrassed.

How can I ever face Joe and Helen again?

And Casey?

I've blown any chance I ever had with her.

No, you didn't.

You never had a chance with her.

If you two were Siamese twins,

you couldn't get her into bed.

MAN: Excuse me, when do you think

the next plane leaves for Boston?

I'm on kind of a tight schedule.

You're on a tight schedule?

You're on a tight schedule?

I'm running this place single-handed.

I'm taking all the flights because Joe's on his honeymoon.

I'm booking the reservations

because Fay's on a seniors cruise.

I'm even doing all the pre-flight checks

because Lowell's also on vacation.

(shouting): But, hell, you want to take off now?

We'll take off now!

I've only been up for 28 hours straight.

I was hoping to grab a cup of coffee

but, hey, we got autopilot!

Just do me a little favor.

When you hear this sound...

(imitating alarm blaring)

Wake me!

No, no, no, please, take your time,

because I can wait.

That's more like it.

And thank you for flying Sandpiper.

Uh...

hey, Antonio, thank God you're here.

I thought you might've...

"smashed cab into bridge abutment."

Listen, about what happened with Casey at the wedding,

I'm really sorry.

Ah, I should be apologizing to you--

trying to drown you in the champagne waterfall.

That wasn't me, that was Helen's uncle.

Me, you tried to suffocate in a salmon mold.

Oh, God.

And just for the record,

what happened between me and Casey

was just a one-time thing.

It would never happen again.

It was a horrible, perverted mistake--

like Vietnam or menudo.

Antonio, there you are.

I've been looking for you.

I was wondering if you could do me a little favor.

Me? Yeah.

I've been house-sitting for Joe and Helen,

and they're coming home from their honeymoon tomorrow,

and, well, I have to move back to Brian's.

You don't want to?

(laughing): Please.

I would rather have my face shoved

into a champagne waterfall like my poor Uncle Frank.

12 years of sobriety and-- boom!-- right back to step one.

So... so you were saying about helping you move?

Yeah, boy, I would really appreciate it.

And you know, as thanks,

maybe tomorrow I'll take you to lunch.

Lunch?

You and me?

At the same table?

So, is it a date?

A date?

I am so there.

That's great.

And, you know, I know exactly where we can go,

because there is this new little place by the lighthouse.

The lighthouse?

Well, okay.

We just won't order from the seafood bar.

Okay, Casey... uh...

Casey, I uh...

I think this is the last of it,

and, uh, so I'll just take your stuff over to Brian's

and, uh... see you tomorrow for, uh... lunch.

You sure I can't help you, with anything?

Ah, please, no-- this is man's work.

Okay.

Hey, you know, uh, don't take this personally, but

you are the ugliest woman I've ever seen.

Yeah, you know, that's very amusing.

I'll miss your witty repartee tomorrow,

when Casey and I are having, uh... lunch.

Hi.

Hi.

Just, uh... brought some of Joe's stuff over here,

so it would be here when he got back.

Whatever.

Brian, this is ridiculous.

We're going to be

brother- and sister-in-law for the rest of our lives.

We can't make believe nothing happened.

Sure we can. It's called denial.

It's a guy thing.

Here, just watch, okay?

Ask me what happened between us at the wedding.

What happened between us at the wedding?

What wedding?

I'm sorry, have we met?

You see? (whistles) You try it.

Look, if you don't want to talk, that's fine,

but, I mean, as long as we're going to be

living under the same roof,

we at least have to make some ground rules.

Oh, that's a good idea-- why don't you start with

not taking off your clothes and jumping into my bed.

Oh, wait a minute!

Are you actually under the delusion

I can't keep my hands off of you?

You can't.

And I've got the scratches on my back to prove it.

Hey! I'm not the one who can't keep his horsey in the corral.

Well, let me just put your mind at ease.

Uh, when you're lying awake in your bed at night,

me and Old Paint

will be across the hall catching some Z's.

You happy? Ecstatic.

Good!

Great!

What is happening here?

I don't know

but make it stop.

Hurry.

Okay, okay, just calm down-- calm!

We have to... we have to think of something

that'll... that'll turn us off.

Yeah, like what?

It's got to be...

it's got to be horrible...

repulsive, like...

like that mung on your shower curtain.

Oh, that's disgusting.

Hey, yeah, that's...

that's working.

I've got one. Okay.

The hole in the ozone layer.

Ugh!

What about it?

Well, it's getting bigger.

It's a terrible thing.

Doesn't bother me.

Well, it should.

I mean, don't you realize it's that kind of apathy

that will affect future generations

who are going to have to suffer

because... (panting) I did a bad one, didn't I?

You certainly did.

Oh, damn. I know!

(moaning)

I'm so hot!

If you're hot, baby, I'm on fire.

Smoke?

Maybe after.

Brian! Brian!

Casey! Casey!

Fire!

Don't rush me!

No, you idiot, fire!

CASEY: Fire!

Fire?

Fire!

Let's get out of here!

Oh, oh, boy.

Oh, oh... oh, boy.

Hello.

What is that?

It's a welcome home gift for Joe and Helen.

It's a delightful assortment of soaps and potpourri.

A welcome home gift?

Uh, kitten...

we already gave them a welcome home gift, remember?

We burned their house down!

Just because your house burns down

doesn't mean you don't appreciate a thoughtful gesture.

Okay, okay.

I've been giving this thing a lot of thought,

and I think the thing to do is just tell Joe and Helen

the truth about what happened to their house--

it just blowed up.

Look, this is my sister, okay?

I'm not gonna lie to her.

Oh, fine. Okay.

We'll just tell them what actually happened:

Your bra landed on the fireplace screen

and all the padding went up like kindling.

And who ripped it off and threw it there?!

So it's my fault?!

Well, it's not mine!

Oh, are we depraved!

Oh...

Brian, what are we going to do?

There's a supply closet in the back of the hangar.

Moron! I meant about Joe and Helen.

Oh...

Hell, we'll just tell 'em it was an act of God.

It's our word against God's.

Who're they gonna believe?

Trust me: no one ever has to know how this happened.

Is everything all right in here?

I heard you two were alone--

I figured this place could go up like a tinderbox.

(wheezing snicker)

(guffawing)

Hey, Scarpacci.

Whoo!

What is the occasion?

Nothing much. Nothing much.

Just having a little, uh... lunch with Casey.

But, hey, gee, uh,

doesn't she kind of have a thing with Hackett?

Oh, please, please.

Brian was just a little speed bump

on the highway to Antonio.

(chortling): Oh, yeah...

Listen, Scarpacci, she... oh, forget it-- no.

I cannot say this to your face.

I can't. Turn around.

(whispering)

ROY: Well, well, well.

Hey! If it isn't the happy honeymooners.

How was it?

Oh, man! Oh! Jamaica was beautiful.

The weather was perfect, the people were friendly...

Never left the room, huh?

Once.

For ice.

(screams)

(screams)

JOE: Hey!

Hey, Brian.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

How was the honeymoon?

Oh, the honeymoon was...

it was the happiest, most romantic week

of my entire...

Well, that was then, this is now.

Listen, I really have to talk to you.

Oh, all right.

Okay, look, I know what's on your mind.

All that lousy stuff I said to you at the wedding--

"You suck," all that.

Well, I was just nervous.

I took it out on you. Forgive me.

Eh, it's all right.

We all make mistakes. Remember that.

Um, Brian, look, Helen gave me a t-shirt.

"If you can't stand the heat,

get out of Jamaica."

(laughing): Oh, man, is that hilarious?

I'm laughing. (chortling)

Joe, I really...

Wait, wait, here,

honey, show them this other thing we got.

Oh, yeah, look at this-- "The Hacketts."

Isn't it cute? That's us.

That's gonna go right on our front door.

They're gonna have to find it first.

Yeah. Joe, I really have to see you in the office for just one second...

You'll have time to catch up with Joe later.

Right now, I just want go to my own home and get into my bed.

After all this traveling, I am burned out.

You have no idea.

Joe, Helen,

please!

There's something

I really have to say to you.

Yes? Yes?

Welcome home.

Yeah, welcome home.

Thanks.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

I'll call you later.

Oh, yes, you will.

Where are they, already?

It's the waiting.

It's the waiting that drives you crazy.

That's... that's the hard part...

the waiting.

Where are you going?

Well, I was just gonna put out some chocolates--

make it nice for when they come.

Ooh... good idea, Casey.

Nothing makes up for rubble like a box of candy.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Joe, the house just-- pfft-- burned down.

Yes, yes, honey.

I know, I know.

Brian, did you...

know that our house burned down?

Yeah, I did... kinda.

What's holdin' up those chocolates?

Well, why didn't you tell us?

I wanted to, but you guys looked so happy

with your cute little t-shirts and your goofy driftwood sign

that I just didn't have the heart.

The house just-- pfft-- whoosh!-- just burned down.

Yes, honey, honey, I know, I know.

Burned...

Wh-What happened?

Was it a gas explosion? A lightning storm?

Sure...

Oh, my God...

I bet it was the wiring. Oh!

That fuse panel was so old.

I was gonna replace it

and I put it off, and I put it off...

Oh, God, this was my fault!

Hey, hey, hey.

Don't beat yourself up.

House burned down.

I bet it was fire.

JOE: Yeah...

Yes, honey, we're pretty sure about that.

Now, just hold on, okay?

It's almost 6:00-- in ten minutes,

the doctor said you could take another big pill.

Joe! Helen!

You're here!

Chocolate turtle?

Casey, we know about the fire.

Wait. You told them without me?

But I thought we agreed... Casey, shh...!

What are you shushing me for?

What, did he tell you this was my fault?

He's trying to pin this on me, isn't he?

Well, he is the one who threw my bra in the fireplace.

You know, I told him that the house was on fire,

but he wouldn't listen to me!

This is not my fault.

Oh, please don't hurt me.

You did this?

It was an accident.

It was... it was... it was

one of those freaky "bra in the fireplace" things

you always read about.

CASEY: You know what?

Why don't we just get you on upstairs

and put you in a nice hot bath?

Okay. Mr. Fern can come too.

When these pills wear off, I'm gonna be so mad at you.

Huh. Wow.

Wow...

This is really amazing.

(laughs)

You and Casey were having sex, and you set the house on fire.

You burned Helen's house to the ground.

(laughing): Uh, oops!

(laughing)

Oh, wow! Man!

When I was engaged to Carol and you ran off with her--

I thought that was pretty bad, but this...

Small potatoes.

Oh, man, you really topped yourself this time.

I mean, not only were you not man enough to admit it

but you were ready to let me believe it was my fault.

(laughing)

Joe, Joe, I...

I know it looks bad

but I swear to you, I will do everything in my power

to make it up to you.

Oh, no, no, Brian.

No! Please. I'll buy you another house.

I'll build you another house.

Brian, shut up.

This is half Casey's fault.

Brian, shut up!

You know, all our life,

it has been the same pattern:

You screw up, I get mad, you apologize, I forgive you,

then I get stuck cleaning up the mess!

Well, it's not just me anymore.

I have a wife now.

Someday I hope to have a family.

This time it was the house.

What's it gonna be next-- my children?

That's a chance I can't afford to take.

I... just don't have it in me anymore.

What are you saying?

I'm saying I want you out of my life.

Come on...

Come on, come on.

You don't mean that.

We're just gonna... We'll get past all this.

I'll buy you out of your share of the house...

and Sandpiper

and you can get on with your life...

and I can get on with mine.

Hey, Joey...

Don't. No.

We're done.