Original subtitles

( upbeat piano theme playing )

( strumming guitar )

Uh, Lowell, have you s--

Oh! Um, sorry, Antonio.

I was just looking for Lowell.

Oh, uh... Uh, he's gone to lunch.

Oh.

What are you doing?

Well, actually, I was just working

on a little song I wrote for Casey.

You wrote a song?

Well...

Oh, how romantic.

There's not a girl in the world

who wouldn't be thrilled

to have a song written especially for her.

Uh-huh, I know.

Would you-- Would you like to hear it?

Oh, please!

It goes a little something like this.

When I see Casey

I see such charm

I'll win the race-y

With her on my arm

When I see Casey

I see it all

She's satin and lacy

With red hair Like Lucille Ball

Like Desi loved Lucy

( plucks strongly )

Like Hepburn loved Tracy

( plucks strongly )

Ella, Count Basie

( plucks strongly )

Cagney and Lacey

( plucks strongly )

And Donald and Daisy

Dahhhh

So, Fay. What--

What do you think?

It's lovely. Oh.

( lively theme playing )

Hey, Brian. Yeah?

Pretend I'm not here, all right?

I'm burning off this roll,

so, uh, just act natural. Okay.

Would you quit screwing around?

I just wanna... Okay, okay, okay.

All right, you know what? Just forget it.

All right, suit yourself.

Thanks a lot for your cooperation.

Uh, Joe, the computer's on the blink again.

Would you take a look at it?

( door closes )

Natural, huh?

I'll give you natural.

Smile!

( door opens )

Hey, uh...

Listen, I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time.

Um, I took a picture of myself for you.

You didn't make a goofy face, did you?

( scoffs )

Grow up.

( lively theme playing )

My, that cake looks delicious.

Oh, thanks.

Yeah, I sure hope it cheers Casey up.

This is her first birthday since her husband left her,

and she has been really depressed.

Well, this little party should be

just what the doctor ordered.

Actually, what the doctor ordered

was mood elevators.

Oh, you know, those things really work!

I'm not late for the party, am I?

No, Casey isn't even here yet.

Oh, good.

Oh, I hope she likes my present.

And please don't even ask what it cost.

What'd you get her?

A pair of $200 earrings.

Hey, Joe, Brian, get out here!

Put your party faces on!

All right, let's get this over with.

What'd you get her?

A book. What book?

I don't know, a white one.

Grabbed it off my shelf.

You got her a used book?

That is so cheap. Oh, really?

So, uh, what did you get her, huh?

Can I go halfsies with you? ( scoffs )

Okay, everybody. Gather around.

She's gonna be here any minute.

Helen, just calm down.

It's just another lame

office birthday party.

You know, would it kill you guys

to show a little enthusiasm

for my sister's birthday?

Oh, hi, everybody.

ALL ( meekly ): Surprise.

Oh, Helen, I--

I told you I didn't want a party.

Oh, now, come on.

You love to celebrate your birthday.

Oh, right. What should we celebrate?

That my husband left me?

Or that I have no job, no future,

and absolutely no purpose in life?

Yeah, it'll be fun.

Okay. Time for presents.

Ohh. Oh.

Here you are, dear.

I hope you like them.

Oh! Tacky salt and pepper shakers.

It's a great gag gift.

Thank you, Fay. I needed a laugh today.

They were my mother's.

Uh, here. Uh, this is from me.

Soon as I saw it in the store,

I thought of you.

Well...

"A Hundred and One Ways to Pleasure a Woman."

Well...thank you, Brian,

but I don't think I'll have much use for this.

Good, then give it to Joe.

Did you divvy up that cake yet?

Is that the only reason you came out here?

Didn't you at least give her something?

Gi-- Oh, right. Uh...

Here, happy birthday, Casey.

What are you doing, Roy?

You're stealing from charity now?

It's not a real charity. I made it up.

What are you talking about?

I put a buck in there every day.

And it went to a very good cause.

Thanks to your generosity, I now have the Playboy channel.

I'm next. I'm next.

Here you are, Casey.

It's a pair of gold earrings. Cost me 200 bucks. ( gasps )

Oops! Oh, I can't believe I let that slip. Ha.

Oh, Antonio. These are beautiful.

With the wrap and tax it's 220.

Oh, man, did the party start already?

What did I miss?

Uh, Casey doesn't wanna be here,

Helen yelled at us, and Fay ran off crying.

Whoo!

Sounds like the best party yet.

Here. Happy birthday, Casey.

Thanks, Lowell.

I-- I can't imagine what this is.

Better not be earrings.

It's a shoe rack.

Wow.

I-- I don't know what to say.

Well, I do.

Trash pick-up is Tuesday.

Lowell, I think it's beautiful.

Thanks.

Listen, if you don't need a shoe rack,

it also scares squirrels.

Come on, Casey. Let's cut the cake.

So, uh...

how'd the photograph thing go this morning, huh?

( giggles mischievously ) Photograph thing?

Oh. Oh, you mean the-- The film?

Uh, Helen sent it off to her parents in Phoenix.

Heh, heh. What?

Can I-- Can I talk to you for a second, please?

What? What, it's just a bunch of pictures

of Helen in her wedding dress.

Her parents are really anxious to see them,

so they're developing the film out there.

Right, right. So--

So Helen's parents are developing the film?

Yeah, why? What's the big deal?

JOE: Picture of your what?!

( door closes )

It was a joke.

A joke?

Oh, would you lighten up? No, no.

No, I won't, man. Look, look--

Look, a sweet old lady in fuzzy slippers

is gonna be sitting down to breakfast one morning

thumbing through pictures of her daughter

in a wedding dress... Yeah.

...when suddenly she comes across pictures...

( laughing )

( laughing )

Hey, listen--

Listen, if it turns out to be a good picture,

I'll use it for next year's Christmas card.

If I know Helen's mother, she'll knit a cozy for it.

( laughs )

Hey, you-- You wanna hear the funny thing.

The funniest thing is that they're gonna think it's yours.

( laughs )

That's not funny.

Shoot me if I ever throw another birthday party again.

Here's cake.

Uh, you'd better tell her.

No, no, no, Brian. No, I--

No, you tell her.

You're the one that did it. What?

Tell me what? Brian: Ah.

Okay, um...

All right...you know those pictures that you--

You sent your mom? Hah.

Well, funniest thing happened...

Uh...

There's a picture of me on that roll.

So what? They'd love a picture of you.

Trust me, this ain't one for the album.

I don't understand. JOE: Oh, this is--

Come on, we-- We are all adults here.

So I'm just gonna come out and say this.

Brian sent your mother a picture of his hoo-hah.

What?

You sent my church-going, cookie-baking,

muumuu-wearing mom a picture of your penis?

Oh, ho! Whoa! Please. ( groans )

Why on earth would you do something like that?

Eh. It's for identification purposes.

Then we tag it

and release it back into the wild.

I'll just call them

and tell them not to develop the roll.

Oh, my God.

What? What is it?

I just remembered the note I put in with the film,

when I thought they were gonna be

looking at pictures of my wedding dress.

What note?

"Dear Mom and Dad, here it is.

"I love it.

"But Joe's afraid I'm gonna trip up it

when I walk down the aisle."

( mellow theme playing )

Oh, hi, Lowell.

Can I see you for a second?

Sure.

It's about that shoe rack of yours.

Oh, you cut yourself on it, didn't you?

Well, listen, take it from somebody who knows.

Don't be a hero. Get the tetanus shot.

Uh, no.

Lowell, actually I have something

very exciting to tell you.

I showed it to this woman I know in New York

who owns an art gallery, and she just flipped over it.

You were in New York, huh?

Did you spit off the Statue of Liberty?

Not this time.

Anyway, as I was saying,

Maya runs one of the hottest galleries in SoHo.

I mean, if she likes what she sees,

she can give you your own show.

Did you spit off of the Empire State Building?

Lowell, if this woman wants to,

she can launch you as an artist,

and I'll represent you.

Did you spit off the World Trade Center?

Lowell, you haven't heard a word I've said.

Maya is very interested in your art.

Casey, I've--

I've heard every word that you've said,

but I can hardly call what I do art.

I mean, art is the swirling madness of van Gogh,

the jarring perception of Picasso,

the mocking pop humor of Lichtenstein.

You know, I--

I just made you a shoe rack out of old engine parts.

Hey. I don't think we can really call that art.

Heh-heh.

She offered me $300 for it.

You know, I might have a mug tree

she'd find mordant and ironic.

( lively theme playing )

Dad! Thank God you're there.

I've been trying to call you for three days.

Um, listen, I sent you a roll of film by mistake,

so, uh, I need you to send that on back to me.

Oh, really?

Uh-huh. ( laughs uncomfortably )

Uh-huh.

Okay. Well, that's all right. Great.

Uh, Helen, say hi to your dad for me.

Oh, Joe says hello. And send 'em my best.

Yeah, you already did.

So...is everything all right?

Is he sending the pictures back?

Of course he's not sending them back.

My mom is on the way to the photo hut right now

to pick 'em up.

And then she's going to Grandma's.

I don't have to worry about Grandma, though.

She's got cataracts.

I'll just tell her it's a picture

of my cousin's new baby.

God, what am I gonna tell my parents?

Oh, wha-- What is the big deal?

What's the big deal?

They're gonna think that their daughter

is marrying a weirdo.

Yeah, but how are they gonna know it's Joe?

I mean, it could-- Might as well be anybody's.

Sure. We'll just say, uh,

some tourist pulled us aside and said,

"Excuse me, would you mind taking a picture of my peepee

in front of the lighthouse?"

( lively theme playing )

Lowell. Someone's here to see you.

I would like you to meet Maya Wolverton

of the Wolverton Gallery.

Any relation? CASEY: Oh, I see.

I forgot to tell you about his sense of humor.

MAYA: You know, Lowell,

I was intrigued with that piece

that Casey brought me.

Yeah, and here is some more of Lowell's work.

This one is my favorite.

I see. It does have...

simplicity and, uh,

I suppose, a certain innocence.

Yes, well...it was born

out of depression and anxiety,

and a burning need to form a human connection.

What do you call it?

Towel rack. To--

To hang the towels that dry the tears of all mankind.

There's also a hook here for a loofa sponge.

( laughs )

I don't understand.

Well, how do you get rid of dead skin?

You know, I'm gonna be honest with you, Lowell.

You're undisciplined, raw, naive and wildly erratic.

Oh, yeah?

Well, those shoes don't go with that bag.

( laughs awkwardly )

You see. Ha-ha. What he really means by that--

No, never mind, he's right.

They were on sale.

Listen, Lowell, I have an artist

who just canceled a show,

and if you can get me 20 pieces by next week,

I'd like you to fill his slot.

But I don't have--

Have the words to express how happy he is.

Casey, call me.

We'll work out the details.

Lowell, it was wonderful meeting you.

And, uh, I look forward to seeing you in New York.

LOWELL: Okay.

And that scarf doesn't match, either.

Lowell, isn't this wonderful?

I guess.

You guess?

I-I mean, don't you understand

what an amazing opportunity this is for us?

Artists have their whole careers and never get a show.

This just fell right in our lap.

Yeah, but I don't have 20 pieces.

Well, that's okay. How many do you have?

Mm.

Including these three?

Uh-huh.

Three. ( giggles )

Well, then, I guess we're just gonna have to get busy

and make more.

Make more.

Oh, you think it's that easy, do you?

Huh?

Think I just gather up engine parts

and randomly weld them to a metal frame?

Actually, that is what I do.

Tomorrow by 5 okay?

( lively theme playing )

Uh-- Uh, Joe. Brian's on the phone.

He wants to know if the picture

of his who's-its came back yet.

Tell him no.

What's he talking about, anyway?

Um...it's a, uh,

part for the plane.

Ohh.

I thought he was talking about his hoo-hah.

( plane flying overhead )

Oh. Casey. Casey!

Oh, hi, Antonio. Hi. Hi.

You know-- You know, I never realized

that you were so interested in art.

And perhaps you're not aware that I, too, am an artist.

Oh, uh, like Lowell.

Uh, no. No, not at all.

No, I-- I work in a completely different medium.

I mean, Lowell uses things

he finds in the hangar.

I use things I find in my cab.

Oh. Huh?

Um. Wh-- What do you call it?

A desperate cry for attention.

Before.

After.

And it's before.

Okay.

After.

Hi, Lowell.

Oh, I hope I'm not interrupting,

but I just couldn't wait to see the new pieces.

I am so excited about this.

Oh, you know, this one looks very similar

to the one you were doing yesterday.

Oh, it's part of a series, isn't it?

They love series.

No, it's the same one.

Oh. I don't understand.

I mean, you've been in here for three days.

What you been doing?

Um, mostly this:

Before.

After.

Before.

Okay. Where are all the others?

The show's in a couple of days.

What's wrong with you?

Well, I don't know. It's like I'm--

I don't know, I--

I'm-- Can't even think of the word.

I'm...

Blocked?

That's it! That's it. I'm blocked.

Oh-ho. That's been driving me crazy.

Lowell!

You can't be blocked, okay?

You have 17 pieces to do.

I mean, don't you realize

that this is your ticket off of this island?

You don't wanna live the rest of your life here.

Yeah, I do.

And I like it here.

No, no. You want more out of life.

You want recognition and excitement,

and a chance to prove to your ex-husband

that you can make it on your own!

You know what?

You're right.

I'll show that bastard.

Hey, wait a minute...

Oh, Lowell, please.

Please, come on.

We have much, much, much, much too much riding on this

to give up now.

But Casey, I can't just create art on demand. I--

You know, I usually need a reason.

Like a birthday.

A birthday. You know, a birthday.

Sure! Because you know what?

It is always somebody's birthday,

because right here, today,

we have Charlotte Bronte, uh,

Babe Ruth and Angie Dickinson.

So make one for Angie!

I don't think so.

You know, I made her a pepper mill three years ago,

and I still have not received a thank-you note.

Look, I know what you're trying to do.

But maybe I'm just not cut out for this.

Sure you are.

And you will work nonstop for the next two days,

and I will be right here by your side the entire time,

because I am here to support you, Lowell.

And what if I still can't do it?

I'll kill you. I'll kill you dead.

( upbeat theme playing )

( plane flying overhead )

Oh, thanks.

( gasps )

Look. My mom sent the pictures back.

Please, please, please be in here.

Wedding dress. Dress, dress--

Hello!

Well, it looks like the family resemblance

doesn't end with the nose. Heh.

Here, tear this up.

( winces )

Oh, I can't!

I just hope they didn't look at them.

You know, I know they didn't

'cause I asked them not to.

I don't know, Helen, listen to this.

"Dear Helen, love the dress, love the fabric.

"You looked beautiful in it, can't wait to see you.

"Love, Mom.

P.S. What's up with the hoo-hah?"

( plane flying overhead )

Oh. Oh, uh, Casey, could I talk to you for a minute?

Sorry, I'm in a hurry. No, no, no. I know.

It'll only take a minute. It's about Lowell.

Oh, God! He didn't get out of the hangar, did he?

No, he's still there.

In fact, he's been there all night.

Well, of course he has. He's a dedicated artist.

Yeah. Well, look.

Uh, maybe this is none of my business,

but don't you think you might be pushing him a little too hard?

Oh, Fay.

Thank you for your concern,

but I don't think you understand

the artistic process.

I mean, you only see Lowell as a--

As a nice, easygoing mechanic.

But I'm finding a side of him that no one ever has.

( grunts )

Okay, talk to me.

Okay...uh, speak to me.

Reveal yourselves.

Lowell.

Okay. Which one of you said that?

Uh.

No, it's just me, Casey.

Oh-ho, Casey! Hm.

Hey-hey, how many of those diet colas have you had?

Well, let's see. The machine holds 40...

Eighty!

Uh...hey...

Hey, look, I wanna show you

some of the things I've been working on.

Um...I'm particularly proud of this piece.

Uh, the cool thing is,

I pushed 'em all into place with my nose.

Okay, Lowell, now--

Now you're starting to scare me.

Are you sure you're all right?

I'm fine, I'm fine.

Let me show you some more of my work.

Come on!

Okay. This is a piece I've been working on.

It's called Nude Descending a Staircase...

with a Diet Cola.

Okay.

And then this one is, uh, Madonna and Child...

with a Diet Cola.

Heh. And, uh, this one is, uh, The Thinker...

All Hopped Up on Diet Cola.

And this one's Untitled...

Thank God.

...With a Diet Cola.

Okay, you know what? You-- You need to calm down.

Here, just-- Ah! But I-- I-I--

I am calm! But you know what?

I-- I-- I'm a little thirsty.

Um, can I borrow 40 or 50 quarters?

No, no. You don't need any more of this.

You know, all you need to do is just rest.

But, Casey, the show.

The show.

Lowell Mather is not a quitter.

You know what, Lowell, look, um...

I just decided...

there's not gonna be a show.

I'm-- I'm just gonna call Maya

and cancel the whole thing.

Really?

Thank God.

I'm going to sleep now.

Oh, look.

Um, before you go...

can I just tell you that, um...

I'm sorry.

Sorry for what?

Well, for using you the way I did.

I mean, I didn't even stop to think about your feelings.

I just thought of myself.

Aw, come on.

Don't beat yourself up.

So you don't think I used you?

No, of course you used me.

I mean, you rode me like a circus elephant.

Yeah. I'm okay.

You know. Are you okay?

Well, I've been better.

Look...Casey.

You know, you saw my shoe rack as art.

Most people don't even see it as a shoe rack. Hm.

Yeah.

Well, you know, you-- You-- You accomplished something.

I mean, you got a famous New York art gallery owner

to give a show to a completely unknown artist.

I mean...that's-- That's something.

Yeah, I guess I did do that.

And you know, there's a bunch more

positive thoughts

ricocheting around inside my skull,

but, uh, I'm just too damned freaked out

to figure 'em out. ( laughs )

No. No. Thanks, Lowell.

I mean, I-- I got it, you know. I--

And who knows? Maybe, uh, my career in art

is just starting now, even though--

Even though yours is ending. Ha-ha.

Yeah. Well, you know, Joe's gonna be thrilled.

Why's that?

Well, now I can put the plane back together.

( lively theme playing )

Uh, Casey.

I-I know how disappointed you must be

about Lowell's show.

Uh, is there anything I can do to cheer you up?

Oh, thanks, Fay, but...I'll be okay.

Uh. Hi, Casey.

Um, I heard you were a little down in the dumps.

So, uh... Well, I wrote you a song.

And I-- I was going to save it for, uh, another occasion,

but, uh...

seems like the perfect time.

Well, thank you, Antonio.

That's very sweet of you.

Well, um...

It goes a little something like this:

( plucks loudly ) ( softly ): Ow.

Desi loved Lucy

( plucks loudly )

And Hepburn loved Tracy

( plucks loudly )

And Ella, Count Basie

( plucks loudly )

And Cagney and Lacey

( plucks loudly )

Donald and Daisy

Dahhhh