Original subtitles

( upbeat piano theme playing )

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. You're Roy Biggins.

Who wants to know?

Fred Gardner, professional Simon Says instructor.

Take my card. Uh-uh-uh.

I didn't say "Simon says."

( both laugh )

Call security.

Sir, will you be flying with us today on Aeromass?

No. No.

Well, then, Simon says, haul your butt out of here.

Hey, you know what?

You're just like your mother said,

you were a big old bag of fun.

You know my mother?

Know her? I'm gonna marry her.

Eleanor Biggins?

Four foot ten, blond wig...

pack of Luckies tucked in her support hose?

That's my girl and I love her.

Eleanor "Bluto" Biggins?

I know it's kind of sudden, but it would mean a lot

to both of us if you'd give us your blessing.

You know, Simon says, take your time and think about it, son.

Hey, Mr. Simon Says.

You talking to me, kid?

Yeah. I bet you can't get me out.

Some other time, kid. I'm busy.

Are-- Are you a fraidy cat?

A fraidy cat?

Get ready.

Take your best shot, Says man.

Simon says, clap your hands.

Simon says, stomp your feet.

Stop.

Simon says, stop.

Simon says, raise your arms.

Shake your arms.

Simon says, shake your arms.

Stop.

Simon says, stop.

Put your arms down.

Simon says, put your arms down.

Simon says, flutter your hands like a hummingbird.

Stop.

Simon says, stop.

Simon says, do a grand plié.

Simon says, do the Charleston.

Simon says, do the Stanley scene

from Streetcar Named Desire.

Stella!

All right. All right, all right, all right!

You win. It's over.

Simon says, it's over.

You're really good, kid.

You know, people are gonna be talking about you.

They already do.

( mellow theme playing )

Oh, Roy.

Your mother must be thrilled

about getting married.

That Fred is quite a catch.

Ah, I don't know.

There is something about that Simon Says guy

I just don't trust.

We-- He said he loves her.

Why is that so hard to believe?

Because my mother has got the soul of a pit bull

and the face of a sock puppet.

Love ain't that blind.

Hey, Brian...

check out the passenger list

for your next flight to Boston.

Oh! Wow, Laura Jenkins.

Wow, you think it's her?

Miss Jenkins? Yeah.

( gasps ) Miss Jenkins!

Who's Miss Jenkins?

Ho-ho. She was our ninth grade English teacher,

and was she ever gorgeous.

Oh. Remember those tight little wool skirts she used to wear,

and those clingy blouses? Oh. Oh.

Wow, you remember the way she used to erase the blackboard?

Her hips swaying back and forth

and back and forth...

No, no, no, no, no. That was not it.

It was more of-- More of a shimmy.

No, no. No. Back and-- Back and--

No, no. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. No, no, no--

Yes, yes. You both have nice butts.

Must you shove them in our faces?

I can't believe you've reduced Miss Jenkins

to a sex object. JOE: Hey.

I mean, when I was a fat 14 year old, she was my idol.

I wanted to be just like her.

You wanted to be an English teacher?

No, a size 6. Uh-huh.

( chuckles )

I guess everybody had their Miss Jenkins.

Mine was Signorina Sabatino.

One day, she took a confused

and frightened Antonio aside

and said, "Don't worry. It's perfectly normal

"for those feelings to come up

during Greco-Roman wrestling."

So, uh-- Uh, when was the last time we saw Miss Jenkins?

When she left the island to get married.

Monday, August 17th, 1974.

Yep.

Sun glistened off her honey-blond hair

as she walked across the tarmac,

her hips a-swaying

back and forth,

back and forth--

Oh, my God.

Put on a black dress and a leg brace,

and it's Signorina Sabatino.

Hi-hi.

HELEN: Hey, remember Miss Jenkins?

Remember her? Why, I was her favorite student.

Now, I used to tell her who was cheating, who was late,

who was smoking,

who didn't have their homework.

That was you?

We stuck Susie Miller's head in the toilet for nothing.

So, what about Miss Jenkins?

She's on Brian's next flight.

Oh, God.

I hope I don't run into her.

I mean, she always had such high hopes for me. Mm.

Gonna break her heart seeing me like this:

divorced and having to sponge off my sister.

I know.

Breaks my heart too.

JOE: Oh, my God. There she is.

Wow. She still looks incredible.

Hey. You think she still remembers us? Oh.

I-I don't know. Let's go talk to her.

No, you go first.

N-no, you go-- No, no, no--

Stop it.

You guys are acting like 12 year olds.

Hi, Miss Jenkins! Hi, Miss Jenkins, it's me!

Oh, wait a minute. You're...

"Young lady, get those doughnuts out of your mouth."

Oh. Helen Chappel. Yes.

I didn't recognize you.

You got so...thin. Yes.

Well, I-- I'm happy to say that food is no longer

an important part of my life.

Oh, that's wonderful. What do you do now?

I run the lunch counter.

Is that...

Joe Hackett and-- And Brian?

( both giggling )

Look at the two of you, all grown up.

( both giggling )

Hi, Miss Jenkins.

( sighs )

Now brace yourself, I know this may be a big disappointment,

but I--

I haven't exactly lived up to all the wonderful hopes

and dreams you always had for me.

I'm sorry, do I know you?

It's me, Casey.

Casey.

Casey Chappel. ( mouths ): My sister.

Helen's sister?

Oh, it's like a dream. We're together again.

So-- So, Miss Jenkins, what brings you back to the island?

Well, after my divorce, I wanted to get back into teaching.

A job opened up here, so I took it.

( over loudspeaker ): Sandpiper Flight 22 to Boston

is now boarding at Gate 1.

I'd better hurry. That's my flight.

I'm going to Boston for the day.

Yes. I know. I'm your pilot--

Well, uh, I own the airline.

Uh, we own the airline.

Yeah, but I started it. And did it all by myself.

Heh. Heh.

Uh, we'd better get going, Miss Jenkins.

Yeah.

Great to see you, Helen and...

Casey?

You too. Oh.

Oh, quit sucking up.

( giggles )

You know, I just had a thought.

It's career week at school,

and I think the kids would get a kick

out of hearing a former student talk about being a pilot.

Oh, I'll do it. No I'll do it.

That's no fair, you get to fly her.

Tough noogies.

Ah, boys, boys. Why don't you both do it?

Come by, say about 10:00?

Great, we'll be there. Thanks a lot.

Hey, L-Lowell. Look who's here.

Oh. Hello, Miss Jenkins.

Lowell Mather. How are you?

Uh, fine, Miss Jenkins.

Uh, maybe we'd better get going.

So nice to see you all.

Yeah, you too. Have a great flight.

Goodbye, Miss Jenkins.

( mellow theme playing )

Hm. Get this, ha, instead of landing on Runway 23...

( chuckling )

...I landed on Runway 32.

Ha. Boy, I bet the FAA had a whale of a time

figuring that one out.

So you see?

Being a pilot does have its lighter moments.

( sighs )

So are there any questions?

Yeah.

Yeah. Is it possible to actually die of boredom?

( laughs )

( bell rings )

Oh. Oh, wow. Oh, have I been talking for the whole hour?

ALL: Yes!

Let's thank Mr. Hackett, everyone.

BOY: Yay. ( sparse clapping )

Heh.

Look, uh, I'm sorry but, uh...

I've got to run out.

I got to take a flight.

Thanks for coming, Joe.

Well...

if I reached just one kid, it'll be worth it.

That's a big "if."

Bye-bye. Bye, Joe.

Hope he uses the side exit. ( door closes )

I heard some of the kids talking.

Oh. Well...

So it's, uh--

It's too bad you didn't get a chance to speak.

I'd love to know how you became a pilot.

Oh, well, uh-- You know, if you want

I could-- I could always come back.

Oh. I'd like that. How about tomorrow?

Great, great.

You know, it's a shame we didn't get a chance

to catch up on the plane yesterday.

Yeah, yeah. We really should do that sometime.

( sighs )

The island has changed so much since I've left.

Where are there good places to eat?

Uh...actually, there's a--

A great seafood place,

just opened up on the wharf.

You should try that.

Well, I hate to eat alone.

Yeah. Me too.

But you're in luck because they have take-out.

Heh-heh.

Well, maybe I'm not saying this right. Um...

Brian, would you like to have dinner with me tonight?

Me?

You, heh-- You want to have dinner with me?

Well...

Well, if I didn't know any better,

I-- I'd swear you were asking me out on a date.

I am.

( giggling )

Really?

That's okay, you're probably busy.

No, no, no. I-I'd love to have

dinner with you, Miss Jenkins.

Call me Laura.

Laura.

( giggling ): Wow!

So how about 7:30? Should I pick you up?

No, no, no. I'll pick you up.

Got my license now.

( upbeat theme playing )

You know...I thought-- I thought I'd be really nervous

going back to my old classroom.

But you know what?

You were a natural. I was a natural.

And you know what the best part was?

For the kids? Probably the bell.

All right. Well, I guess you just had to be there.

And I'm glad that all the students

aren't as jaded as you are, Helen.

Oh, my God.

Someone egged and toilet-papered the house last night.

Miss Jenkins?

Oh, come on, Joe, she's a teacher.

She never would have misspelled "windbag."

Helen.

What? Oh, hi, Miss Jenkins.

What are you doing here?

Helen... What?

I'm sorry. I-- I didn't know anyone was here.

I just came down to get some coffee.

I guess Brian had an early flight.

What does Brian have to do with--?

Hel-en.

Oh, no.

She and-- Oh, no.

No.

I'd better go.

Morning, Joe. Morning, Helen.

Morning, Miss Jenkins.

Listen, uh, Joe,

I need you to sign this check so I can get

a replacement turbine for the plane.

All right. Uh, bye, Joe.

Bye, Helen.

Nice thighs, Miss Jenkins.

I should go. ( door closes )

Uh, no, no, wait, wait, wait.

Look, um... we-we're all adults...

Why don't--? Yes, um... Yes, please sit down.

Let's-- Let's have some coffee.

So...

It's a...

it's a wonderful morning, huh? Oh.

Great morning.

Beautiful morning.

Mm. Wonderful coffee.

Great coffee. Beautiful coffee.

Does anyone else think

this is a little awkward?

( upbeat theme playing )

I don't believe it.

Roy. What happened?

I did a little checking.

That Simon Says guy is a scam artist.

He preys on old ladies.

He tells them, "Simon says, touch your nose,

"Simon says, touch your ear,

Simon says, sign over your social-security checks."

( gasps )

Oh, that's horrible.

Um, you expect behavior like that

from your more flashy types.

You know, your square dance callers, your mambo instructors,

your male nurses.

I'm gonna go down to that home right now and warn Mom.

Well, uh, now-- Break it to her gently.

Your mom's very vulnerable right now.

I know.

She hasn't been this infatuated with someone

since she thought Bob Dole was sending her

coded love messages on C-SPAN.

Hi-hi. ( sighs )

Hi. Oh, Casey. Casey, get over here.

You are not gonna believe this

about Miss Jenkins.

What? What?

She slept with Brian.

( laughs ): Oh, my God.

Does this mean I'm no longer her favorite student?

Well, I'd say Brian had a leg up on you.

S-sleeping with the teacher

is playing with fire.

You know, in my high school, if someone slept with,

say, Signorina Sabatino, they would be

banished from the village, f--

Forced to come to America and lead a bleak,

miserable existence...

driving a...

bus in St. Louis.

Well...see you.

( plane flying overhead )

What? What? What?

Hey.

What?! Don't "what" me.

I want details.

I want to know everything that happened

between you and Miss Jenkins.

All right, Joe-- Don't "Joe" me.

You have a moral obligation. You gotta tell me.

Well, I'm not going to, all right? Wait--

Look, look, listen. Look, you're Columbus,

you've seen the New World.

Come back to Spain, tell the king.

Really, it was no big deal.

( laughs ): No big deal?

You lived a fantasy

of every boy who ever took

ninth-grade English at Sconset High.

Uh, listen to me, listen to me.

Uh, things didn't go the way I had hoped with Miss Jenkins.

( scoffs ): What are you talking about?

Well, I had a little problem.

I-- I don't understand.

Joe, something happened to me

that never, ever happened before.

Are you trying to tell me

that you went to bed with Miss Jenkins and--

That's right.

I got an incomplete.

( lively theme playing )

Hey, Brian, it's all right. Don't worry about it.

It happens.

Oh, uh, please, don't give me the "it happens" speech.

I gave you that speech once, you remember that?

Hey. Come on, I was taking cold medication.

I-I-I-I had a bad peach for lunch. Oh.

This is-- This is -- This is so embarrassing.

This never happens to me.

( sighs ) What am I gonna do?

Joey-- Joey, how do you handle it?

What are you asking me for?

I'm not an expert on the subject.

It only happened once.

I hadn't slept for days. Grandma just died.

Oh.

How-- How am I ever gonna face her again?

Look, you know, it-- It's not that big a deal.

I'm sure that she'll understand.

Um, there's nothing to...

be ashamed of--

I hope you don't mind, but I can't look at you.

Oh, thank you. Yeah. Thank you for your support.

Brian, I'm sorry.

All right, what did you say to her this morning?

Nothing. I ran out of there before she woke up.

At least your legs were working.

Sorry. Nothing. Um...

Brian, you've got to talk to her.

I can't talk to-- She's a teacher.

She's gonna tell me how I wasn't applying myself.

( groans )

Maybe what they said on the report card was true:

"Doesn't work well with others."

( groans )

Come on, Brian. You've got to do something.

I mean, something happened last night.

You can't just leave it like this. No way.

No way. I'm not going near Miss Jenkins.

You mean, after today?

Huh? What are you talking about?

You promised you'd talk to her class, remember?

Oh! No, I forgot. I forgot.

I'm not going. I'm not going.

All right, look.

This is what we're gonna do.

You take my flight, I'll go talk to her class.

No. No, it wouldn't be fair.

Oh, come on, I don't mind.

I meant to the kids.

Hey. A few hooligans

with eggs and toilet paper

do not speak for the whole class.

( playful theme playing )

( gasps ) Oh, uh, how'd it go

at the retirement village?

Oh, yes. W-were you able to stop your mother

from marrying that awful Simon Says guy?

I didn't have to.

He backed out?

He died.

( gasps ) Oh.

Oh, my goodness.

It happened just before I got there.

The old guy was leading a Simon Says game

when he collapsed.

On the way down, he yelled, "Call an ambulance,"

but no one moved.

Oh-oh-oh, don't tell me.

That's right. He forgot to say, "Simon says."

( chuckles )

Oh, Roy. Oh, Roy!

That's awful.

Sorry. ( laughs )

( laughs )

Fay.

Hey, I-I-I'm ashamed of you.

( laughs )

All right, that's enough.

Now, stop laughing.

I didn't say, "Simon says."

( all laughing )

( upbeat theme playing )

To see a world in a grain of sand,

Or heaven in a wild flower,

Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,

Eternity in an hour.

Now, what did William Blake mean by that?

Kenny?

Are those new shoes?

No, they're the same ones you commented on last week.

( door opens )

Oh.

It appears Mr. Hackett has shown up after all.

Hi. Sorry I'm late. Ha-ha.

I am so, so, so, so sorry.

Okay.

It's okay. Um, well, we only have

a few minutes, but, uh, perhaps

Mr. Hackett could answer a few questions

about being a pilot.

Ah, I'd be glad to.

Susie.

What made you want to become a pilot?

Ah, well, um...

I've always been, uh, very interested in flying,

and, uh, it's very exciting, you know.

And, uh, besides, I already had the flight jacket.

Oh, God help us. His brother was the funny one.

Have you ever experienced...

equipment failure?

Equipment failure?

Why you asking me that?

I mean, you didn't ask my brother that question.

What have you heard?

Uh, Mr. Hackett... No, no, no, no.

You-- You know what happens

when you experience equipment failure?

You deal with it.

You-- You try to fix it, you know?

Doesn't mean-- Doesn't mean that you never fly again.

Doesn't mean that you're not a pilot.

Doesn't mean you're gay.

Thank you, Mr. Hackett.

You've been so informative.

( applause, bell rings )

Oh, thank God.

From now on...

no more pilots.

Well, well-- I-I-- I think that went pretty well.

I think we need to talk.

I know.

Why did you run out like that this morning?

I'm-- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I was just really embarrassed.

Believe me, that has never, ever, ever happened to me

in my entire life.

Oh, that makes me feel better.

Oh, well, I-- I didn't mean it that way.

Look, Brian, it's nothing to be embarrassed about.

It happens. Oh, no.

Not the "it happens" speech.

Oh, you get that a lot?

Uh, no, no. No!

Maybe this was a bad idea.

Just because I was attracted to a former student

didn't mean I had to act on it.

No, no. No. It was a good idea.

Laura, I'm-- I'm so attracted to you.

And we were having a great time last night

up until...

the incident.

Couldn't we just start over?

Well, I...

( giggling )

What's that?

What's what?

That goofy schoolboy laugh.

That's what you did last night.

I--? When?

Just b-- Before the-- The incident.

Well, uh, trust me, that's, uh--

That's never gonna happen again.

( giggling )

See, there it is again.

Yeah, I know. I know.

I don't know where it's coming from.

Oh. I think I do, Brian.

You know, you can never see me

as anything else but your teacher.

Oh, that is not true.

It's not gonna work, Brian.

Yes. Yes, it is.

We can make it work, Miss Jenkins.

I'm s-- L-Laura.

No, Brian, you were right the first time.

I will always be Miss Jenkins to you.

Oh. Oh, damn it.

I was really hoping we could make this happen.

Me too. Hm.

So now what?

Well, we go back to being student and teacher.

All right.

Um...

may I walk you out to your car, Miss Jenkins?

Yes. I'll just erase the board.

( sighs )

( upbeat piano theme playing )