Original subtitles

( upbeat piano theme playing )

Mmm, Hackett...

I've been meaning to ask you,

how you doing about this Alex thing?

You feeling okay?

I'm fine, Roy.

I can't believe that even you're asking me.

Oh, come on.

You think I don't know the pain of a broken heart?

That hollow feeling in your soul

when you expect to wake up next to the woman you love.

Instead you find your wallet's missing,

there are dust bunnies where the stereo used to be.

Well, I guess you've learned a lesson about love, huh?

Oh, yeah.

Always insure for replacement value.

( upbeat piano theme playing )

Hey, check it out.

Helen's engagement ring. BRIAN: Whoa.

Very nice. Where'd you get the money for that?

My ring fund.

You have a ring fund?

Yeah, I've been saving since seventh grade.

Oh, that is so cute. Heh.

I'm just sorry I missed your sweet 16.

So where you gonna give it to her, huh?

I got it all figured out. I'm gonna do it tonight.

It's the anniversary of our first kiss.

Wait a second, you know

the anniversary of your first kiss?

I thought only women knew stuff like that.

That is such a stereotype.

Look, I asked her to marry me in a stupid elevator.

I want tonight to be perfect. Mm-hm.

Elegant restaurant, orchestra playing.

You know, it'll be a great story to tell the kids someday.

You know, like when Dad proposed to Mom on the beach there

before he went off to the Army.

( chuckles )

Yes, I think you're old enough to know the truth now.

There was no big, romantic proposal

on the beach, my friend.

In fact, I think dad's exact words were,

"You're pregnant? How'd that happen?"

Wha-- Wait a minute. What are you telling me? I was--

That's right. There was no Joe fund.

Come in, Roy, I'm in the building. Morning.

Hey, Lowell. Hey, Lowell.

Lowell, check it out.

Helen's engagement ring.

What do you think there?

Hmm, let's just take a look.

Ah, M color, I2 clarity.

Slight flaw on the girdle, mmm.

What a clever inscription: "To my darling Melen."

What?

Oh, I don't believe it.

Melen? What a cute nickname.

You know, come to think of it,

she does kind of have a melon for a head.

I mean, she's a lovely girl and all,

and you gotta be happy that she's not too self-conscious

about that melon head.

Lowell, listen, uh, you gotta do me a big favor.

Go down to, uh, Sterling's,

tell 'em to fix that inscription.

And I need it by 8. Okay?

And listen, it's a big surprise,

so don't say anything, all right?

Joe, give me a little credit.

Morning, Lowell. Good morning, Melen.

Mmm, now, listen, Helen,

do not make any plans for tonight.

I made reservations for us at Lexington's.

Lexington's? Mm-hm.

What's the occasion? Oh, there's no occasion.

I just think the woman I'm gonna marry deserves the very best.

And since she's not getting that,

the least you can do is pop for a dinner.

Uh, n-now, tell me, dear, um,

how are you doing about Alex?

Fine. No, really.

No, really, I'm fine. No, really.

All right, Fay, I'll tell you.

Really, I am miserable. I am crushed.

In fact, I'm gonna go right up to the control tower,

I'm gonna hang myself from the windsock.

Now, Brian, that's crazy talk.

That windsock couldn't hold more than 100 pounds.

Helen? Yeah--

( woman laughs ) Casey?

Uh-huh.

( laughs ) Casey. Hi!

Hi. Hi. Hi.

Oh, what are you doing here?

What am I doing here?

I came here to see you.

You came all the way from California to see me?

Oh, come on, how often does my baby sister get married?

So when do I get to meet my future brother-in-law?

Where is this Davis Lynch?

Yeah, well, what happened was-- You must be so happy.

Now you can move to a real city, you know,

and finally dump this silly lunch counter.

Oh, look, we've switched to the red Naugahyde. Heh.

Let me just tell you one thing-- Is that Joe Hackett over there?

CASEY: Oh, yeah, figures he's still on the island.

And probably married the checkout girl

at the local Stop and Shop.

( laughs )

Oh, my gosh.

Um, you wanna hear something really funny?

I-- I broke up with Davis, and I'm marrying Joe.

Oh, heh, yeah.

It--

My God, you're serious.

Joe Hackett? Yeah.

I couldn't believe it either.

So you're Chappel's sister, huh?

The one with the rich husband.

The big house in San Francisco.

The fancy French underwear.

Uh, how-- How could you possibly know that?

Security problem with your luggage.

Roy.

Hey, Joe, look who's here.

Hi, Joe.

Casey. Hi. CASEY: Hi.

So, Joe, what have you been up to lately?

Joe owns Sandpiper Airlines.

Oh, well, I'm impressed.

How many planes you have? Well, right now just the one.

So maybe a more fitting name would be Sandpiper Airplane.

( laughs )

( chuckles )

Now, Helen, I gotta tell you, you look fantastic.

Oh. You changed your hair.

Yeah, I did. Do you like it?

Uh-huh. You hate it, don't you?

No, it's just, well-- I hate it too. It's just not me.

Um, Fay, I want you to meet my sister, Casey.

Casey, this is Fay. Oh, ha, ha, Casey.

Well, what an interesting name. Is that short for something?

Cassandra.

Mom named me after a goddess in Greek mythology.

Oh, so, uh, are you named after Helen of Troy?

No, actually, I was named after my lactose-intolerant aunt.

Uh, you know what's curious?

You don't have a southern accent like Helen.

Well, I guess when you get out in the world,

you kinda outgrow it.

Besides, I never really had much of an accent.

Heh. Sure you did.

No, I didn't. Yeah, you did.

No, I didn't. Yeah, you certainly did.

Drop it, okay?!

She's lovely.

So, Joe, whatever happened to that little brother of yours?

He used to be such a brat.

Well, Casey, like all the rest of us,

Brian has grown up now.

As a matter of fact, he's my business partner.

BRIAN: Hey, Joey, check out this great water pistol

I got out of lost and found.

It fires when you yell...

fire!

Fire! Fire!

Oh, my God, Casey Chappel!

How are you? My God!

Ha, well, I've been drier.

( laughs )

Uh, Casey, there's a towelette behind my counter.

Oh, I-- I'd better get rid of this thing.

Somebody's gonna get hurt.

JOE: Well, it's the, uh, same old Casey, huh?

She's not here two minutes, she insults your hair,

your accent and my airplane. Oh, that's no big deal.

She doesn't mean anything by it. Like she's so perfect.

Well, she-- She is. I mean, look at her.

She's perfect. JOE: What, and, and you're not?

Come on, Helen, don't do that to yourself.

You're not Casey Chappel's fat little sister anymore.

I mean, it's hard to forget.

I mean, she was a prom queen.

I was...Dairy Queen. Oh...

Just-- Just stop that, all right?

Listen to me. You-- You are every bit as beaut--

No. You are more beautiful than Casey.

ANTONIO: Helen, Helen, who is that goddess?

She's-- She's just gorgeous, she's stunning.

Venus in a damp blouse.

That's my sister. No way.

All better.

Hi.

( mumbling incoherently )

( spitting )

Uh, An-- ( snorts )

An-- Antonio, this is Casey.

Hello. ( growls )

So listen, you two, don't make any plans for tonight

because I am taking you both out to dinner.

No. No, no, no. Uh, Helen, tonight is special.

I know it's special. My sister's here.

Well, let's go catch up. Yeah.

CASEY: Um, Helen? HELEN: Yes.

Where'd you get that eye shadow? Oh, I'm washing it right off.

It's good to have you back.

( upbeat piano theme playing )

( piano playing tranquil music )

I cannot believe they're still not here.

And where is Lowell with the ring?

I came here to give a ring to a girl.

I got no ring and no girl.

Oh, look on the bright side.

I'm here.

The only reason you're here is to help me get rid of Casey.

Now, you remember the plan? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

The band plays "Isn't It Romantic?",

I ask Casey for a dance

so you can be alone with Helen and give her the ring.

Good. Where are they?

Hey, uh, Helen is never late.

I know this is Casey's fault. Oh, st-- You don't know that.

Oh, come on, she hasn't changed a bit.

She's still a snob.

Don't you remember when we were kids?

She always treated us like we were geeks.

We were geeks.

Like the guys she hung out with were any better.

Oh, you mean, the Kennedys?

I am sorry we're late.

I couldn't decide what to wear. Oh, wow, you look beautiful.

Thank you. Well, thank Casey.

Oh, all I did was go through her entire closet,

and then I said, "Let's see what I brought."

( chuckles )

Good evening.

Hello. Thank you.

Welcome to Lexington's. Thanks.

Hey, aren't you Brian Hackett?

I heard about Alex leaving you.

How are you holding up?

Uh, fine, thank you.

Look, if you need to talk-- Listen, can we order, please?

Helen and I know what we want. The Chateaubriand for two.

Ooh, that sounds good. That's our favorite.

Oh, you're so lucky you don't care about what you eat.

I'll have the, uh, pasta primavera

with no oil, no butter, no sauce.

Yes, that sounds good. I'll have that instead.

Helen, they only make Chateaubriand for two.

I'll share it with you.

WAITER: Brian,

are you sure you're up to eating?

I'm fine, thank you.

Hello, Joe, uh, imagine running into you here.

Hi, Lowell.

Uh, Joe, I managed

to pick up the fuel pump for you.

Uh,

I was able to get the "Melen" out.

What? Uh, it's a long story.

Uh, uh, forced landing, fruit stand. It's, uh...

Smooth.

See you, guys.

Bye. Bye.

Bye, Antonio.

( chuckles )

( band playing "Isn't It Romantic?" )

Hey, listen, they're playing, uh,

"Isn't It Romantic?".

Yeah?

( silverware clatters ) Oh!

Oh, God, yeah, "Isn't It Romantic?"

Favorite song of mine. Gotta dance when I hear it.

Would you--? Would you care to dance with me?

Oh, no, thanks. I don't feel like dancing.

Go on, Casey, dance with him. She doesn't want to dance.

I'll dance with him. Is your name Casey?

Brian said he wanted to dance with Casey.

I think we should see Casey dance.

Maybe you should just get your six-shooter out

and fire at her feet. CASEY: Oh.

Okay, okay, I'll dance.

Huh? Ha, ha, ha. Come on.

Joe, are you okay? Yeah. Uh, yeah, I'm fine.

Look, especially now that we're alone.

Helen...

my life began the moment you said you'd marry me.

Joe, that's so sweet.

You've made me happier than I ever thought I could be.

CASEY: Ow! Oh!

Ah. You okay?

Yeah,

it's nothing.

Brian just stomped on my toe.

BRIAN: I'm sorry, but, uh,

I got distracted when the band leader asked me about Alex.

Brian, why don't you, uh, take Casey home,

get some ice on her toe?

Oh, don't worry. I'm fine.

Are you sure? Yes.

And I am not going to ruin this night by leaving.

Besides, I have a little surprise for you two.

Now, I know that you're just starting out,

probably a little strapped for cash, so--

Oh, what the heck, here it is.

Oh, my gosh. It's a diamond ring.

Now, that's a fuel pump.

Casey, I don't know what to say.

Oh, it's only my old starter ring,

but I know how you've always admired it, so...

It's really beautiful, but I really couldn't.

Yeah, you could. Okay.

We-- We-- We can't accept it. Yes, we can.

And we could do it a little more graciously.

Listen, you really don't want this ring.

Uh, I do. No, take-- Take it off.

Joe. Don't make me use the butter.

What is the matter with you?

She-- She has no right to give you that.

What are you talking about? See what she's trying to do?

She's trying to make me look like an idiot.

No, honey, you're doing that all by yourself.

JOE: Look, uh, Helen, as your future husband,

I demand that you give her back that ring.

HELEN: You demand?

He demands. Maybe I should go.

Maybe we should go. No, don't--

All right, Helen, I can explain--

( sighs )

I just saw what happened with Helen.

Look, if you need to talk--

BOTH: Get out of here.

( upbeat piano theme playing )

( knocking on door )

( knocking continues ) Just a second.

What? Look, Helen, about the ring.

I can explain, I-- No, you can't.

I know you don't care for Casey,

but there's nothing that you can say

to excuse your behavior tonight. All right, you want an excuse?

Here it is.

My life began the moment you said you'd marry me.

You've made me happier than I ever thought I could be.

Please, take this damn ring as a symbol of my love.

Joe.

That's what this evening was about?

You planned it so that you--?

Oh, I love you.

Yeah, well, I'm still mad.

Getting less mad.

Less mad. Mmm.

Mmm, feeling good. Mmm.

Mmm, listen, Helen,

I-I would have given you the ring on another night,

but I knew how much you'd want it on our anniversary.

Our anniversary?

Yeah, of our first kiss.

It is?

I thought only women remember that stuff.

That is such a stereotype.

Come here.

I don't wanna ever fight again.

I don't even know who started it.

Casey started it.

What? Nothing.

What'd you say? ( sighs )

Look, uh, you know,

I just think she shouldn't have given you that ring

without checking with me first.

Yeah, I know, but she didn't mean anything by it.

Why are you making excuses for her?

She's been all over you since she got here.

She ruined our night. But what am I gonna do now?

Stand up to her.

I will. Someday.

But right now I need to bring her

her tea before it gets cold.

Helen, look, enough. Enough with Casey.

This is our night.

I have a bottle of champagne at home on ice.

HELEN: That sounds so much better.

Helen, where do you keep the better linens?

Oh, sorry. No, a-actually, come on down.

Uh, I wanted to talk to you anyway.

Um, this ring is so beautiful.

Thank you so much, but I can't accept it.

Why?

Because Joe gave me this engagement ring.

Oh. Heh.

My, what a practical choice.

Uh, what's that supposed to mean?

Nothing.

It'll be your very own Hope Diamond,

just hold it up and hope people can see it.

Let her rip.

You know...

ever since you came here,

you've been making these little comments about my hair,

about my accent,

about my fiancé and his tiny little ring.

Hey.

I'm sorry, honey, I love it.

Maybe I don't have the perfect life

or the perfect house or the perfect one-carat ring--

Uh, two carats. Two carats?

Helen... Oh, I'm giving it back.

Oh, you know, I think you're being ridiculous.

HELEN: Well, maybe I am,

but you know what?

I don't care.

Maybe I don't have the perfect life,

but it's my life.

And I think it's pretty damn good.

I'm sick and tired

of your little backhanded comments

and your putdowns.

I'm not your fat little sister,

and I'm not gonna take it from you anymore.

You finished?

Am I finished?

Yes, I am. Let's go, Joe.

Well, then, heh...

( crying ): ...good night.

Casey...

Let's just let her digest that.

Casey, I-- I didn't mean-- Stuart left me.

What?

Would you like to hear how perfect my life is?

( chuckles )

Well, a couple months ago Stuart said,

"Let's sell everything,

buy a boat and sail around the world."

I should have known something was wrong

because he hates the water.

Once we went to one of those cheap adult motels

to try to revive our "sex life,"

and Stuart got seasick on the waterbed.

There went my chance of having an orgasm that year.

Hey, hey, hey.

You know, at first I told him I can't just sail off.

I have responsibilities.

I was in charge of the fajita bar

at my golf club's annual "Let's Get Teed-Off at Hunger Day."

You know, but then I thought...

why not sail off?

People will think I'm interesting.

Oh.

On the morning we were supposed to leave,

Stuart said he wanted me to take a picture of him at the helm,

so I stood on the dock and suddenly he just...

shoved off.

Well, this is the last that I ever saw of him.

He's waving goodbye.

That's the happiest-looking man I've ever seen.

He took it all.

Now I have no home, no money.

No husband.

Oh, Casey.

You know what, Casey, I--

I think that what you need is really a good night's sleep,

so, uh, Helen and I will get out of your hair and let you...

I can't leave her.

Joe, her husband just left her.

She's falling apart.

She's disgraced. She's just humiliated.

Aren't you, honey?

In fact, you can stay here as long as it takes

for you to get yourself back together and on your feet again.

Uh, what kind of time frame are we talking about here?

As-- As long as it takes.

Oh, Helen.

Oh, I don't know what I would do without you.

I don't know how to thank you. Oh, you don't be ridiculous.

You're my sister.

Joe, heh, you have been so sweet and so understanding.

I...

What can I say?

It's no problem. After all, we're almost family.

Well, thanks, you guys.

Oh, Helen, you're so lucky to have a guy like Joe.

I know.

Really successful guys end up leaving you.

Look, Casey, when we first met,

I was so overwhelmed by your absolute beauty,

words escaped me.

So, please, let's start all over.

Hello, I'm Antonio.

I'm honored to meet you.

I think you're ready to talk to her.

Yes.

Hi, is Helen around?

( mumbles incoherently )