Original subtitles

( upbeat piano theme playing )

ANNOUNCER: Last season on Wings:

Will you marry me?

Yes.

Brian, when are you gonna get it through your head?

No matter how many cute little gimmicks you try,

we're not gonna get back together.

It's over.

Fine. It's over.

'Cause I've had enough humiliation

to last me a lifetime.

I'm done.

Oh, good.

The Cupid-gram. ( claps hands )

Talking about Helen and Lynch.

They're getting married.

What?

I think I said that pretty clearly.

Listen, Helen, um...

I just--

I just want to say congratulations again.

You know, I-- I'm sure that you and Davis will be really happy.

Yeah, we are. Hm.

I-- I think that I really picked

the right man. Mm-hm.

I just made a big,

big mistake letting Alex get away.

Oh, come on,

Joey, talk to me.

Yow!

( mellow theme playing )

( whistling )

Morning.

Morning?

I find you in bed with Helen last night,

and all you can say is "morning"?

( grunts ) Those are for Helen.

I-I-Is that a heart?

Are-- Are you making heart-shaped pancakes?

They're her favorite.

( chuckles )

Joe, I want you to wipe

that inane grin off your face

and tell me how you

and Helen ended up in bed together.

You broke my heart.

Look, I don't know how it happened.

She was on her way to New York.

She stopped by here last night

on the way to the airport to borrow my travel iron.

So I gave it to her.

I meant the travel iron.

Oh. All right. Well, well, go on. Go on.

Well, you know, there's not much more to say.

Uh, you know, we wished each other luck,

gave each other a kiss goodbye

and fell into bed like dogs. Heh.

( fridge door closes )

Boy, huh?

You and Helen.

All these years you two guys parading around as friends...

this hot, steaming passion

raging underneath the surface.

Smoldering sexual tinderbox

just waiting for a spark to come along and--

You slept alone again last night, huh?

Oh, yeah.

Heck, look. Brian, don't give up on Alex.

You know, there's still a chance it could work out.

Yeah.

Well, hell, I'm not really worried.

And I've actually come up with a great plan to get her back.

See, every time she goes out for the morning paper,

I'll be there.

Every time she goes out to lunch, I'll be there.

Every time she pulls the shades down at night,

I'll be there.

And every time you come up for parole,

I'll be there.

Look, man, l-- Let me give you

just a little bit of advice. Yeah.

If you really want to get Alex back, you got to play it cool.

Let her come to you. Oh, I don't know.

No, hey. No, trust me on this one.

Look, last night Helen was this close

to marrying Lynch.

This morning, she is eating at Joe's.

Ha. And why?

Because I played it cool.

Bye, Joe. Thanks for the travel iron.

He-- Hey, Helen, where are you going?

Uh, New York to see Davis.

W-- Why?

He's my fiancé.

Helen, wait.

Joe!

Undies.

( mellow theme playing )

Okay, breakfast is here.

What took you so long? Oh. Oh, it's about time.

I ordered the muffin.

They were out. So instead I got you a bear claw.

Um, I ordered the scrambled eggs.

They were out. So instead I got you a bear claw.

Well, mine's easy.

I ordered the bear claw.

Fay got the last one.

Heh. So I got you toast.

Oh, it's just my luck.

I'm having toast for lunch.

I suppose we have got Chappel to thank for this.

She goes to New York, marries a rich guy in a penthouse,

we got to scrounge for our breakfast every morning.

Oh, well, I think it's wonderful

that Helen's finally getting married.

And I bet there's gonna be a really fancy society wedding.

ANTONIO: Yeah. I can't wait to go.

Yeah, me neither. Me-- I-I've got to get my tux back

from my cousin, Giacomo.

Oh, I forgot.

He buried his father in it.

Maybe I could--

Nah.

Better just rent a new one.

What makes you think she's gonna want you two there?

Why wouldn't she?

Oh, you're gonna have a lot in common

with her rich friends.

Mr. Gold Card, meet Mr. Green Card.

Of course we'll be invited. Won't we?

Oh, absolutely.

We're her friends.

Well, her friends from work.

That's right. There's always a "friends from work" table,

isn't there?

Oh, yeah. And they'll have us hidden

in some dark corner where everyone kicks our chairs

on the way to the can. That's right.

That's right. And the only time Helen will talk to me

is when she needs someone to dance

with her fat Aunt Rose.

You know? I-I-I never get the hot cousin.

You know, it's always me

and the 300-pound woman

in support hose doing the Hokey Pokey.

Well, it didn't take very long

for money to turn her pretty little head.

Hi. I had a change of plans.

Leaving now. Bye now.

Now, listen, I'm telling you right now,

your fat aunts dance alone.

You bet. Bye. Okay.

Chappel, what are you still doing here?

I thought you left last night.

Oh, well, you know, it was the funniest story.

Um-- Oh, get this.

( forced laugh )

Uh, I didn't.

Roy, when's your next flight to New York?

Well, it's the funniest story. Get this: It's sold out.

( chuckles )

Bump somebody. Maybe I could bump somebody.

U-uh, this engagement really agrees with you.

You're positively glowing.

Uh, no, I'm really not glowing.

There's absolutely no reason to glow.

Oh-ho-ho. You know, Chappel, she's right.

You look kind of flushed.

No, no. I-I-I'm really not.

Helen. You know, you-- You look...

Please don't say I'm glowing.

No, you look like you just had sex.

( laughs )

No, I'm just glowing.

Listen, Helen, I was gonna send this to you in New York,

but since you're here, I can give it to you now. I--

I made a little engagement present for you.

And I did a little cross-stitching last night. I--

See. "Helen and Davis Forever."

( snickers )

"Forever."

Thanks, Lowell. I'll-- I'll treasure it always.

Well, now, Lowell,

I think that's just amazing.

How did you ever do that in one night?

Well, I have to admit I didn't do it by myself.

You know, my cousin Bevo helped me with the border.

You know, for once that extra thumb

of his came in handy.

Roy, where's the ticket already?

It's coming. It's coming.

Just like the rich.

Everything's got to be now, now, now.

Well, well, if it isn't the blushing bride herself.

You know, if one more person says that I'm blushing

or I'm glowing, I'm gonna kick them right in the--

Reverend Saunders. Hello, how are you?

Fine. I was so happy to hear you're getting married.

You know, I'd be honored if you'd let me

perform the ceremony.

( scoffs ) Fat chance.

She's probably booked Billy Graham.

After all, I've known you

ever since you were a little girl.

Ah, I can still see you sitting

in church in your pretty white dress,

Bible clutched in your little hands,

the very picture of innocence.

That's really sweet of you. I'm going straight to hell.

JOE: Helen.

Helen, don't-- Don't leave. Oh.

We have got to talk about this.

Joe, there's nothing to talk about.

Roy, the ticket. Thank you.

What, y-you call what happened last night nothing?

Uh... U-U-Uh,

what happened last night?

Uh, nothing. Nothing.

Could you please give me my damn ticket?

In a second. What did happen last night? Sh--

Nothing!

Now, look, listen. You cannot just run out on me like this.

Joe, would you quit making such a big deal about this?

What we did last night was just sex! It was nothing else!

It was just sex! That's all it was! Sex!

Well...

don't I feel the perfect fool.

( lively theme playing )

Helen...what we had last night

was a lot more than just sex. Joe...

I have two words for you:

civil ceremony.

Well, call me old-fashioned,

but in my day, the night you got engaged,

you slept with your fiancé.

Aeromass announces the departure of flight 19

to New York.

Due to FAA regulations,

there will be no smoking

or sex while in flight.

Think you can make it, Chappel?

( snickers )

Tsk. Look, Joe, I have to go.

No, no. You can't go.

We've got to talk about this-- Give me the ticket.

Joe, what are you doing? I have to go.

Hey-- Look-- J-- Talk to me, Helen.

Am I crazy or did something incredible happen last night?

Oh, that?

Yeah, that.

Well, that was...um,

two old friends...

saying goodbye.

When my friend Bill left the island, we just shook hands.

Nobody dug their nails in anyone's back.

Joe, last night was a big mistake.

That's all it was.

I am engaged to Davis. ( sighs )

Because we spend one night together,

I'm supposed to forget about him?

Pfft, yeah.

I got a plane to catch. Helen--

Oh, Joe. What do you want from me?

Helen, you j-- You can't leave.

What about us?

What "us"?

We tried "us" years ago.

We broke up.

Oh. All couples break up.

We fought all the time. All couples fight.

I drove my jeep through your office.

All couples-- Yeah, you did.

What the hell were you thinking?

I'm marrying Davis. Goodbye.

Wait-- Helen. Listen to me.

If you were so sure about him,

last night never would of happened.

Last night never happened. How can you say that?

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

All right, okay. Okay, okay. Fine. Fine.

If you can stand here and look me right in the eye,

and honestly tell me that you love him...

( sighs )

...I'll-- I'll step aside.

I love him. Let me put that a different way.

Joe...

I really want this.

So if you care about me,

if you want to see me happy...

if you love me...

you won't stand in my way.

( airplane flying overhead )

Aeromass announces the final boarding call

for flight 19 to New York.

Look, uh...

glad you guys are still here.

Uh...didn't have much time

for the alterations, but, you know...

let me be the first to congratulate you.

Bye, Joe.

Goodbye, Helen.

You okay?

Do I look okay?

How you doing? Oh. I-- I've been better.

Would you like to talk about it, dear?

No. No, Fay. Really, not-- Not right now.

You sure? I'm a good listener.

Hey, hey, hey. Ca-- Hey--

Will you guys just back off?

Give the man a little air, all right?

The last thing he needs is a bunch

of people yammering his ear off

with a lot of...

cliché advice.

Hey, thanks.

( sighs )

But you know, time heals all wounds.

There's a lot of-- Lot of fish in the sea.

And whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

All right, all right. Look, I know it's tough,

but you cannot let it get to you.

I mean, take this thing with me and Alex.

Oh-- A-A-Alex.

What, heh--? What about her?

Um, when I gassed up her chopper this morning, uh,

she gave me a letter to give you.

Uh, I can't read it.

You-- You read it.

Okay.

Okay.

"Dear Brian,

by the time you read this, I'll be gone."

Gone? What-- What does she mean "gone"?

"I'm leaving the island for good.

"What we had was wonderful,

"but we both know it's over. ( sighs )

"I know if I stayed, we'd probably get back together,

but it would be a big mistake."

Even though you are

the most handsome man I've ever known.

She said that?

Yeah, I threw that in.

Y-you looked like you needed some good news with the bad.

"We just had too many problems,

"and I don't think you're ready

for a mature, adult relationship."

Even though you are one heck of a bowler.

That bowler thing:

uh...her?

Me.

"Please don't try to find me.

"It's better this way.

"And always remember, Brian,

I love you."

You?

Her.

What the heck. I don't say it enough either.

( groans )

My God. Alex--

Alex is really gone.

Oh, hey. Come on, man.

You--

You know, you were right.

It wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be.

Look, don't hand me those platitudes,

you sanctimonious bag of wind.

My life is over!

( lively theme playing )

Oh. I can't believe Alex is gone.

My God, Helen's getting married.

What am I gonna do?

You? What about me?

May I-- May I say something?

You two make me sick.

( dramatically ): "She's gone."

"She's getting married."

Big-shot pilots moaning about losing your girlfriends.

You, with your-- Your cool leather jackets

and your flyboy charms.

You walk into any bar,

they're crawling all over you.

Here, I-- I-I got an idea.

Try picking up a woman after 15 hours

in a hot, stuffy cab, wearing--

Wearing sweat-stained, out-of-date clothes

and a coin changer on your belt.

( airplane flies overhead )

You know, I-- I never thought about it before,

but he's absolutely right.

Yeah. His life is pathetic.

No. No, I mean about us. What are we moaning about?

We're gonna be just fine without Alex and Helen. You know why?

We're the Hackett brothers. We got a lot going for us.

We do? Hey.

Who left a string of broken hearts at Sconset High?

Hackett brothers? Yeah.

And who had their choice of any flight attendant in Boston?

The Hackett brothers.

Yeah, exactly.

So why are we gonna be okay?

'Cause we're the Hackett brothers!

You're damn right!

From now on, we are gonna have more women

than we ever dreamed of.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hot Latin women in tight black shorts--

Sure, yeah. Big Nordic blondes with no tan lines.

Yeah. Nasty French girls with pouty lips.

Asian anchorwomen.

Oh. Good one. Wow. Hey.

If we never have another meaningful relationship

for the rest of our lives, it won't matter--

We'll have each other. Right, we'll have each other.

There we'll be-- We'll be two old men... ( chuckles )

...with big smiles and a lot of great memories.

Oh, that's right. Two fat, happy old guys

sitting there in front of the TV in our underwear,

eating a couple of Hungry-Man dinners.

Yeah. Two unshaven old geezers

with 3-inch fingernails

shouting about who left the cap off the VapoRub.

( laughs ): Yeah.

Mothers dragging their kids away from our house saying,

"Don't go near there. You know who lives in there?"

Hackett brothers.

Where are those plane keys? I'm going after Helen.

No, no. No, you're not. I need those keys to get Alex.

No, Brian, look, she dumped you. Have a little self-respect.

What are you talking about? You nailed another guy's fiancée,

you slut. Brian, you-- You--

You don't even know where she is.

What are you gonna do? Fly around the world

with your head out the plane window, yelling: "Alex"?

Yeah. That and drop leaflets. Huh?

( both grunting )

Stop.

( breathing heavily )

Look, I really want this, Brian.

If you care about me...

if you want me to be happy...

if you love me...

you won't stand in my way.

Get bent. No.

Come on, come on.

( grunts, chokes )

Hi, guys.

Hey, there's the keys I've been looking for.

No, I-- Let me have those! I got to go get Alex!

Come on. Give 'em to me. I'm going after Helen.

These keys? Yeah. Give 'em to me.

Who wants the keys? Give 'em to me.

Get the keys. Get the keys. Come on!

Hold it, hold it, hold it.

There's only one fair way to settle this.

Joe, Brian...

what country,

formerly known as Ceylon--?

Give me those.

It's Sri Lanka, Joe!

Crack a book sometime, pretty boy!

( mellow theme playing )

JOE: Helen, wait!

Ow! Oh.

Ow! Ow!

Joe...

What are you doing here?

Can't...marry Lynch. Ow.

What is wrong with you?

Just ran...25 blocks.

( breathing heavily )

Cab accident.

Not Achmed's fault.

( elevator bell dings ) Come over here and sit down.

Take the weight off your knee. Ah.

Oh. There you go. Hope you're all right.

Ahh. Thanks.

Uh, hey, wait. Ow. Ow.

Oh. ( grunts )

Hey, aren't these things supposed to open

when you put your hand in 'em?

Not while I'm pushing this button.

Helen, you can't marry Lynch.

You're making a big mistake.

Would you get it through your thick skull?

I am marrying him, and there's nothing you can say

to change that.

Marry me.

Excuse me?

Please.

( breathing heavily )

Did you just ask me to marry you?

Yes.

( grunts )

Take your time. Think about it.

Boy, just when I have my life all figured out,

you come here and pull this stupid stunt.

Well, 31 years without a single proposal,

then I get two in one day.

Three, if you count the guy out front

playing "Lovely Bunch of Coconuts" on his lips.

Helen, I-- I-- You know, I know you don't want to hear this,

but I'm marrying Davis...

and that's that.

( hits stop button )

Oh. Give me one good reason why.

Oh, honey, I'll give you the best reason of all.

He...

asked me first.

Oh. That's what the most important decision of your life

boils down to? Firsties?

Hey, wait a minute.

You left Nantucket way before I did.

You've been walking around

thinking things over, haven't you?

Tsk. No.

I...

took in a show.

Cats.

You did not. Admit it. You have doubts.

Hey, I was at Cats.

Oh-- Oh, yeah? What does Rum Tum Tugger sing

at the top of the second act?

"Feelings."

Okay. So I walked around the block a few times.

Everyone has doubts before they get married.

But I know now that I have made up my mind,

and I'm sure about it.

So, Joe, just-- Just go away.

All right.

Helen, if you can look me in the eye

and honestly tell me that you don't love me,

I will get off this elevator

and out of your life.

I don't love you. I got to stop saying that.

Helen, you're lying, and you know it.

Okay!

Okay, I love you.

I've always loved you.

But what the hell kind of reason is that to get married?

Well...

it's no, "He asked me first."

But it's the best I can do.

Joe, it's too late for us.

( pleadingly ): Please.

It's just not gonna work.

Damn it, Helen.

When you walked out this morning, I--

I felt all the life drain out of me.

I sat at that counter, and all I could think about

is all the years we've known each other,

since we were kids.

We've already spent a lifetime together.

Nobody knows me better than you.

And no one knows you better than I do.

How can you even think about marrying Lynch?

It's wrong.

Having kids with him.

Growing old together.

That's our marriage.

Those are our kids.

It's our lifetime.

We're supposed to be together.

I love you, Helen.

Tsk.

Well...guess, um...

Sometimes love just isn't enough, huh?

( hits start button )

Ask me again.

What?

Ask me again.

Will you marry me?

Oh, what the heck.

Mm. Mm.

You stopped for a hot dog, didn't you?

Tsk. Oh. ( chuckles )

Can--? Can you believe this, Bevo?

I mean, all night we're stitching and sewing,

and stitching and sewing.

And all day they're breaking up and getting back together,

breaking up and getting back together.

God. I tell you, it's enough to make you

give up needlepoint forever.

There, I said it.

Okay. All right, let's have a look.

Let's see how this looks.

All right, uh--

Oh, move your thumb.

No, the other thumb.

No, the other thumb.