Original subtitles

( upbeat theme playing )

( engine hums )

Whoa. What?

Brian, I just had a major déjà vu experience.

You and I have lived this exact moment before.

Of course we have, Lowell.

We take this maintenance flight once a month

and every time you pull this déjà vu crap.

Whoa,

that's exactly what you said before.

Lowell--

Whoa, and you said that too.

Lowell, please. And that too.

Lowell, stop it. I hate this. Whoa.

Whoa. You're making me crazy.

Whoa! Lowell...

No, the last one wasn't: "Whoa, déjà vu. "

The last one was:

"Whoa, we're gonna crash into that plane!"

( both screaming )

( upbeat theme playing )

Oh, darn, that mangy beast

is still following me.

Get lost, huh? Beat it. Shoo.

You heard him, Roy, beat it. Shoo.

Oh, look at the doggy.

Oh, he's such a sweetheart.

Who's is he?

Uh, we don't know.

Roy and I found him out in the parking lot.

He was playing with a wet tennis ball

and scratching himself.

That's exactly how we found Lowell.

Oh, my gosh!

Look at the little cute dog.

Hey, who's is he?

Who knows?

He must be hungry.

I'll go get him something to eat?

Yeah.

( baby talk ): Okay, sweetie.

I gotta go take a flight now, okay?

But I'll be back in just a little while.

That's right you cute little sweet doggy.

( smooching )

( planes overhead )

See ya.

So, what are we gonna do with him?

What do you mean, "we?"

He followed you home.

That mangy little beast

does not set foot in my house.

Well, I think you guys ought to reconsider it.

This dog has got the gift.

No woman can resist him.

I would take him but--

( sneezing )

I'm, uh...

I'm allergic to dogs.

Well, I would take him but, uh--

I don't want to.

Oh, what a cute little doggy.

Who's is he?

BOTH: Mine.

Courtney, over here.

( phone rings )

( planes overhead )

Oh, oh, Joe,

this is Courtney Blake.

She's my study partner

in psych class.

Hi, nice to meet you, Courtney.

Same here.

Uh, we're going to study together on our way to the exam.

Yeah, well, I'll just get my coat.

You're a pilot, huh?

Yeah, that's right.

Must be pretty romantic.

I mean, the glamour, the risk,

the freedom of the open sky...

Oh, my God. How lame.

"The freedom of the open sky."

No, no, actually it's not lame at all.

Uh, flying your own plane is pretty glamorous.

Joe, we're running low on barf-bags.

Well, most of the time it's glamorous.

Here you go, Joe.

Oh, thanks, Helen.

Helen?

Helen Chapel,

oh, my God, I can't believe it!

How are you?

I'm fine, thank you.

Who are you?

Courtney. Courtney Blake.

Little Courtney Blake?

( giggling ): Hi!

Good to see you.

I used to baby-sit her. When was it?

Um, like, five, six years ago?

More like, 12.

I'm 19 now.

You are 19?

You know, I was 19 when I sat you.

Well, Helen, that would make you about--

About 27.

So, what have you been doing?

Well, I'm here to pick up Fay.

We're in the same class.

Great. You know, you look wonderful.

Oh, so do you.

And I love that outfit.

My mom has one just like it.

Thank you.

Oh, Courtney, I don't know about this test.

I'm just so nervous that I'm forgetting everything.

Oh, come on, Fay. What about when you

were in stewardess school? You had to take tests then.

Oh, no, those were easy.

I mean, the only tricky part there

was going down the emergency slide

without your skirt flying over your head.

We better be going now. Bye, Helen.

Imagine seeing you again after all these years.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, bye.

Good luck on your test there, kids.

Thanks. Bye, Joe.

Hope I see you again.

Yeah, me too.

Heh-heh-heh.

Grow up.

Yeah, why is your mind always in the gutter?

BOTH: Oh!

Is she hot or what?

Oh, man...

Tight little body-- Those incredible eyes.

Long beautiful legs. You see her butt?

( sarcastically ): No, I missed it.

What about that smile?

Oh, and the way her hair smelled.

I think it was Prell.

Find out.

Invite her over for some cake and a shower.

Oh, yeah...

Wouldn't I love to.

What's stopping you?

Come on, Brian, she's 19.

I'm not gonna go out with a 19-year-old.

What kind of relationship are we gonna have?

The perfect kind!

Meaningless!

Hot, physical,

and absolutely superficial, man.

That's why 19 is the perfect age.

No ticking biological clock.

None of that, "I need a commitment."

None of that, "Didn't we already do it this week?"

Yeah, I know, but--

No buts,

no buts. I mean, what happened to the guy

who was gonna change his life?

The guy who was gonna grab the gusto?

She's the gusto, Joe.

Grab her.

Wait, wait. Hold on a minute here.

You're being way too supportive.

What's in this for you?

You're my brother, man. I care about you.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, and?

And I wanna see you happy.

And?

And...

...I'm already in a relationship

and I wanna get a cheap thrill by living vicariously

through you, is that so wrong?

Look, Brian, I would love to go out with Courtney

but 19?

I mean, wouldn't people talk?

Hey, Joe, you're a good-looking guy in his 30's

without a girlfriend-- Trust me,

people are already talking.

( upbeat theme playing )

You know that I was worried about that test.

It was so much easier than I thought it would be.

Really?

Even the essay question?

There was an essay question?

Yeah, on page two.

There was a page two?

Joe. Hi.

Hi. I didn't realize you'd still be at work.

Well, yeah, I have to take the 6:00 flight to Boston.

Oh, great. I'm on that flight.

Yeah? I'm going to the Pearl Jam concert,

( hesitant ): "Pearl Jam."

Do you like them?

Yeah. I love them.

That great...

...tune they do.

Well, I'm meeting a bunch of my friends there

and I happen to know there's an extra ticket.

Wanna go?

Yeah, why not,

I'd love to go see Pearl Jam.

Joe Hackett at a Pearl Jam concert?

( laughs )

Pearl Bailey maybe.

Hey, look who's here, Courtney.

Hi. Hi.

Brian, I don't have anyone on the return flight

so I'm gonna go to the Pearl Jam concert with Courtney.

( laughing ): Joe Hackett

at a Pearl Jam concert.

What is so funny about that?

Well, uh, for starters you're wearing a tie

and little wings.

I think he looks adorable.

Oh...

Heh-heh-heh.

You ready? Mm-hm.

Joe, would it be okay if I sat up front with you?

Yeah, sure.

Heh-heh-heh.

( upbeat theme playing )

( upbeat theme playing )

Uh, pick you up at 8?

( sneezing )

( sneezes )

It's about time.

Uh, where are you going?

The health club.

The aerobics class is letting out.

Nothing I like better than sweaty women in spandex

bending over to pet my pooch.

You're not gonna believe this.

Joe and Courtney are rollerblading

out on the tarmac.

Oh, you're kidding me.

Oh, wow...

...will you look at her

out there wearing those

tight athletic shorts...

It's very poor rollerblading safety.

Joe is acting completely ridiculous.

This is crazy.

You know,

he only likes her for her body.

Oh, Helen, you almost sound a little threatened.

Nah.

You don't have anything to worry about

you still look wonderful.

"Still?"

What do you mean by "still?"

Well, I didn't mean anything.

I was trying to pay you a compliment.

What kind of compliment is that?

In only a matter of time my body's gonna go to hell.

Now, I didn't say that.

However, what age does to a woman's body

is something we all just have to accept.

Fay's right.

My mom used to have a figure just like mine

but, you know, eventually it...

...changed.

Changed?

E-e-e-exactly when did this change occur?

It's just nature.

When you're young you have looks,

when you're older you get wisdom.

Of course I'd trade every deep thought in my head

to get the old tush back.

You know, women worry too much

about there bodies.

I think we should just relax

and let what's gonna happen, happen.

Mom's change, was it gradual?

Or, "boom,"

you know, like an inflatable raft?

Brian, do you really want to continue this discussion?

Remember, I've seen pictures of your grandfather.

So?

So, exactly how long until your ears do that?

Why is it that men don't realize that women

get more interesting as they get older.

Ah, I couldn't agree more, Helen.

Never catch Lowell Mather with a younger woman.

Women just get better with age

like fine wine, fine cheese,

and most luncheon meat.

I've got a delivery here for a Helen Chapel.

Yeah, that's me. Oh, great.

Here, just, uh--

Just sign right there, ma'am.

"Ma'am?"

Yeah.

Do I look like a ma'am to you?

Yeah, look at this skin.

Does this look like the skin of a ma'am?

( stuttering )

No, ma'am. What?

No, sir.

Uh...

All right, what am I supposed to call you guys?

You can call me babe,

toots...

Sweetheart, kitten,

sweet-cakes... cupcakes...

But not..."ma'am."

So if you know what's good for you...

...we're gonna walk away

and you better look at our butts

the whole time.

Are you sure you've never done this before?

You were very good.

Well...

I had a great teacher.

( quietly ): Oh, God!

Ugh...

Tell me when it's over.

Okay.

Not yet.

Not yet.

( groans )

Ah, it's over.

Hi everybody.

ALL: Hi.

So, uh,

we're on for tonight?

Absolutely.

( stuttering ): What are you kids doing tonight?

I'm reading some poetry at the campus coffee house.

You know, I'd love it if you all came,

I could use all the support I can get.

Bye.

Heh-heh-heh.

So, uh...

We're on for some poetry, uh?

Well, you heard her. The kid needs our support.

You are so transparent.

I know you just wanna go and gawk

at a bunch of young college girls.

So are we going?

Sure, I wouldn't mind

gawking at some college boys.

You look at other guys?

So, what time is the poetry reading?

You're going?

Oh, you bet I'm going.

I wouldn't wanna miss a chance to see you

make an ass of yourself.

What is the problem, Helen?

Are you jealous of me and Courtney?

I'm not jealous of you and Courtney.

Then what do you care who I date.

I mean, you're in a relationship,

Brian and Alex are in a relationship.

Why can't I have a little fun?

Okay, you want me to tell you why? I'll tell you.

You going out with a girl that age is crazy.

She is a child.

I mean, what could you possibly have in common?

I mean, for God sakes, Joe, I bathed that girl.

I tucked her in.

What a coincidence.

( upbeat theme playing )

I feel so out-of-place here.

What do you mean?

We're not much older than them.

No, but we're the only people here

that don't have something pierced or tattooed.

Speak for yourself.

Here you go.

Thank you.

Joe, what looks different about you?

Oh, I know what it is.

You don't have Courtney attached to your lip.

So where is she anyway?

Oh, she's running late. She'll be here.

So this relationship with Courtney

is actually working.

It is not a relationship.

That is the great thing about it.

It's not leading anywhere.

No heavy talk about the future.

Just two people having fun together.

You know, it's like the lyrics

in that Smashing Pumpkins song--

Whoa, whoa, whoa...

Smashing Pumpkins?

Yeah. Haven't you heard them?

They're really excellent.

( groans )

Don't try to be too hip.

I just had this image of Joey Bishop

wearing a Nehru jacket.

Hi everybody, sorry I'm late.

Hi.

All right, everybody,

welcome to The Cup.

I'm Trevor,

your host for this evening's journey.

First up we have a special treat.

A poet who's insights on the human condition

will blow you away.

Let's open up our minds

to the poetry of Lowell.

( applause )

( clears throat )

I call this, Terminal Life.

Ow, I banged my thumb.

Ow, I banged my thumb again.

Why, why?

It's that sticky baggage compartment door, that's why.

I ate my lunch.

Meat loaf.

I drink from thermos.

Hot this time.

Ow, I burned my tongue.

( applause )

I didn't know Lowell was a poet.

I didn't know our baggage compartment door was sticky.

All right, our next poetess

is a local college student

whose verse is as awesome as she is.

I give you the poetry

of Courtney Blake.

Hope you like it.

( sparse applause )

This is called,

My Lover.

( chuckling ): You dog.

Why do I breathe?

My lover knows.

For we share one heart,

one body, one soul.

And my ears fall deaf on the words of those

who say he's too brooding

too glum, too old.

If my lover should leave,

taking his caress,

let me breathe no more.

Shove a knife...

...in my chest.

All right, so she's no Lowell.

( upbeat theme playing )

( upbeat theme playing )

( sneezing )

This has been the greatest week of my life.

I've had so many dates this week

I've had to turn half of them away.

If I had met this dog 20 years ago,

I'd be in a jar right now.

MAN: Excuse me.

Uh, I lost my dog.

Would you mind putting these pictures up

around your lunch counter?

This is your dog?

( barks )

Oh, Max.

Oh, I missed you so much.

Hey, what are you doing with our dog?

Your dog? It's my dog.

I lost him around here about a week ago.

Come on, Max, let's go home.

ANTONIO: Not so fast.

How do we know he's yours?

Look at me.

I haven't spent a Saturday night alone

in three years.

It's his.

Look, I'm not gonna beat around the bush.

I'll give you 5000 bucks for the dog.

Not on your life.

I know what this dog can do.

Oh, my God.

This is the cutest, sweetest little puppy.

Really? You think so?

Do you mind if I go outside and play with him?

Maybe we were

giving the dog too much credit.

Yeah,

since when do we need a dog to meet women?

( both chuckle )

Let's try the pound. You're on.

So,

what are you gonna do about Courtney?

What are you talking about?

You screwed up.

You made her fall in love with you.

Well, I can't help that.

It's not my fault.

See, that's what happens when you date a 19-year-old.

If you don't feel the same way about her

you have to break it off.

Now.

Oh, this isn't fair.

Helen, are you really sure this is serious?

"Shove a knife in my chest."

Well, it's a poetic metaphor.

It could mean anything.

Yeah, as in:

"Life is so wonderful,

I could just shove a knife in my chest."

Damn.

We were having such a great time.

I'm just not ready to settle down.

Why couldn't I have met her five years from now?

Ah, it wouldn't work Joey because in five years

she'll be 24 and she'll be focusing on her career.

True.

But then in another six years,

she'd be 30, she'd be thinking about kids,

so she'll be ready to settle down.

You'll be 44, having a mid-life crisis.

You'll want another 19-year-old.

Yeah, yeah, you're right.

Ah, this is hopeless.

Why can't I just have an empty,

meaningless relationship

like other people?

You will, Joe,

you just haven't found the right woman yet.

( upbeat theme playing )

Hi.

Hi.

What are you reading?

Sylvia Plath.

Oh, yeah.

Isn't she that poet who committed suic--

Courtney,

we really need to talk.

Okay,

here it goes.

I think you're a very special person.

So are you, Joe.

Yeah, you're beautiful

and witty

and I was incredibly flattered by your poem--

Oh, my God, I don't believe this.

Now, just let me finish.

Look, I know that right now,

I seem like this

incredibly exciting older guy--

Joe? No, no, no,

please just hear me out.

You know, I mean, I'm a pilot and that is so romantic

and glamorous--

You thought that poem was about you?

Well, sure--

Wasn't it?

Oh, God, I'm sorry. I should've seen this.

No, Joe,

I wrote that poem about Michael.

Michael?

Well, yeah.

Oh, oh, oh, all right.

All right, uh, what, no--

That makes sense that you'd be seeing someone

closer to your own age.

So, what is this guy, like, a senior?

Actually, Michael's my English professor.

He's...

...45.

Forty-fiv--?

Isn't that a little old for you?

No, not at all.

What could you possibly see in this guy?

Oh, Michael's deep

and cultured.

Brilliant.

Well, I thought we had something here.

Well, we did but that's what was so great about it.

It was just something

light and frivolous.

Light and frivolous?

W-w-what was I to you?

Just some cute little side-dish?

Please don't do this to yourself. No, no, don't.

I feel so used.

Look, I know right now

it seems like your whole world's

falling apart, but trust me,

you will meet other girls.

And in time,

you'll forget all about me.

I will never forget this as long as I live.

Never.

( upbeat theme playing )

I call this one,

Dumped.

( upbeat theme playing )

( upbeat theme playing )