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1
00:00:02,090 --> 00:00:04,090
( upbeat piano theme playing )
2
00:00:05,590 --> 00:00:07,590
Can you believe this?
3
00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:10,090
I just got my new
driver's license.
4
00:00:10,090 --> 00:00:12,100
I look like a terrorist.
5
00:00:12,100 --> 00:00:14,100
Oh. T-that is a bad picture.
6
00:00:14,100 --> 00:00:16,100
Nah. I can top that.
Look.
7
00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:18,100
My eyes are shut.
I look like I'm dead.
8
00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:19,600
Oh, oh, oh.
I'd take dead.
9
00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:21,610
I look like
I've just been exhumed.
10
00:00:21,610 --> 00:00:22,610
( chuckles )
11
00:00:22,610 --> 00:00:24,110
I've got you all beat.
Here.
12
00:00:24,110 --> 00:00:25,610
This has got to be, by far,
13
00:00:25,610 --> 00:00:28,610
the ugliest driver's license
picture ever.
14
00:00:28,610 --> 00:00:30,610
Ugh.
Ooh. We have a winner.
15
00:00:30,610 --> 00:00:31,620
Yep. You win.
16
00:00:31,620 --> 00:00:34,120
That is the worst.
17
00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:35,620
Hey. Morning.
18
00:00:35,620 --> 00:00:37,120
Oh, morning.
Hey, Joe, Joe, Joe.
19
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,620
You left your wallet on
the kitchen table this morning.
20
00:00:40,620 --> 00:00:43,130
Oh, wow. Oh, man, thanks,
I owe you one.
21
00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:44,130
Hey.
22
00:00:44,130 --> 00:00:46,130
( upbeat piano theme playing )
23
00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:57,140
Helen, these cranberry muffins
are delicious.
24
00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:59,640
Mm. And this jelly
is wonderful.
25
00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:01,650
I never realized
all the incredible things
26
00:01:01,650 --> 00:01:04,150
you could with cranberries.
27
00:01:04,150 --> 00:01:07,150
Oh, yeah?
Try the cranburger.
28
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:09,150
Well, I was just trying
to get in the spirit
29
00:01:09,150 --> 00:01:11,660
of the cranberry festival.
You know, Antonio and I went out
30
00:01:11,660 --> 00:01:13,660
and gathered them ourselves
yesterday.
31
00:01:13,660 --> 00:01:15,660
Oh. Did you use
a frilly little basket
32
00:01:15,660 --> 00:01:17,660
and skip across the meadow?
33
00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:20,660
Hey, I spent a lovely day
34
00:01:20,660 --> 00:01:24,670
watching several beautiful women
bend over, so lay off.
35
00:01:28,170 --> 00:01:31,680
Um, I don't mean to be rude,
dear, but you look like hell.
36
00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:34,180
Well, I was up all night.
37
00:01:34,180 --> 00:01:36,680
I was waiting for Davis to call.
38
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:39,680
I waited and I waited, and I got
tired of waiting alone,
39
00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:42,690
so I figured I'd wait
with a couple of my friends:
40
00:01:42,690 --> 00:01:45,190
Ben and Jerry.
41
00:01:45,190 --> 00:01:46,190
Now that you mention it,
42
00:01:46,190 --> 00:01:49,190
you do look as if you might have
put on a pound or two.
43
00:01:49,190 --> 00:01:51,200
You do look a little chunkier.
44
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:52,700
Does anyone else
have any opinions
45
00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:54,200
that they'd care to share?
46
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:55,700
Well, as long as you're asking,
yeah.
47
00:01:55,700 --> 00:01:57,200
I don't think this guy's
any good for you.
48
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,200
One date, you're already
jumping through hoops.
49
00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:02,710
Well, it would have to be
one mighty big hoop.
50
00:02:05,710 --> 00:02:07,210
( phone rings )
I'll get it.
51
00:02:08,210 --> 00:02:10,210
Lunch counter.
52
00:02:10,210 --> 00:02:11,220
It's the jerk.
53
00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:15,720
Davis. Hey.
54
00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:19,220
Tonight?
Oh, of course I'm not busy.
55
00:02:19,220 --> 00:02:21,230
All right, I'd love to.
56
00:02:21,230 --> 00:02:23,230
Okay. Bye-bye.
57
00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:27,230
I can't believe you're
gonna be here in four hours.
58
00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,230
Oh, God, I can't believe he's
gonna be here in four hours.
59
00:02:29,230 --> 00:02:32,240
Okay. Okay, okay, let me think.
I'm gonna get my hair done.
60
00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:35,240
I need to get some dinner
reservations. I've got--
61
00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:36,240
You've got to relax.
Right.
62
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:37,740
Right.
I'm just a little nervous.
63
00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:39,240
We're finally going out
on our second date.
64
00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:41,250
I want it to be perfect.
JOE: Don't worry.
65
00:02:41,250 --> 00:02:43,750
Everything's gonna work out.
'Cause he's not gonna show.
66
00:02:43,750 --> 00:02:45,750
He's gonna call and cancel
like he did the last five times.
67
00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:48,250
Oh, man. He's not gonna call
and cancel.
68
00:02:48,250 --> 00:02:49,250
Thank you, Brian.
69
00:02:49,250 --> 00:02:52,760
Twenty bucks he sends flowers
and a kiss-off note.
70
00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:56,760
No, no, no, he's gonna fax her
from the plane.
71
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:57,760
Have his secretary call.
72
00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,260
Message on her machine.
73
00:02:59,260 --> 00:03:02,270
Female impersonator
with a singing telegram.
74
00:03:05,270 --> 00:03:07,770
I can't believe you guys
are betting against my date.
75
00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,770
You're all wrong.
He's gonna show up.
76
00:03:09,770 --> 00:03:12,780
Yeah. All I have to do
is to get something to wear.
77
00:03:12,780 --> 00:03:15,280
Yeah, I think this date
will go off without a hitch.
78
00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:16,780
Oh, you're right, it will.
I'll tell you what.
79
00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:18,780
Why don't I take you shopping?
Hm.
80
00:03:18,780 --> 00:03:19,780
And you put down that doughnut
81
00:03:19,780 --> 00:03:22,290
or we'll have to take you
to the big girl's store.
82
00:03:22,290 --> 00:03:24,790
Okay.
Everything's gonna be fine.
83
00:03:24,790 --> 00:03:27,290
I've got a good feeling
about you and this young man.
84
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:29,290
( mouth full ):
Thanks, Fay. Okay, let's go.
85
00:03:29,290 --> 00:03:31,300
FAY:
I'll be right with you, dear.
86
00:03:31,300 --> 00:03:34,800
Twenty bucks
he sends a candy gram.
87
00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:36,300
( upbeat piano theme playing )
88
00:03:40,300 --> 00:03:42,810
Uh, Roy, I've been curious.
89
00:03:42,810 --> 00:03:44,810
Exactly what is the history
90
00:03:44,810 --> 00:03:47,810
behind our lovely
cranberry festival?
91
00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:50,810
Oh, it's a beautiful story.
92
00:03:50,810 --> 00:03:53,820
Long ago,
on a brisk fall afternoon,
93
00:03:53,820 --> 00:03:55,820
the city fathers got together
and decided
94
00:03:55,820 --> 00:03:57,820
that between Labor Day
and Christmas,
95
00:03:57,820 --> 00:04:01,330
we needed a way
to suck in the tourists.
96
00:04:02,830 --> 00:04:04,330
Excuse me.
97
00:04:04,330 --> 00:04:06,830
I'm going to go kick myself
for asking.
98
00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:10,330
Hey, Helen,
I heard about Davis.
99
00:04:10,330 --> 00:04:12,340
Did you do something
to your hair? It looks great.
100
00:04:12,340 --> 00:04:13,340
Yeah, I just got highlights
put in,
101
00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:14,840
and I just got
these new shoes.
102
00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:17,340
Oh, I love those.
They look really uncomfortable.
103
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:18,840
Yeah,
they're a little tight,
104
00:04:18,840 --> 00:04:20,340
but they go perfectly
with this new dress.
105
00:04:20,340 --> 00:04:22,850
Which looks really small.
Yeah, it's a little tight,
106
00:04:22,850 --> 00:04:25,350
but it goes perfectly
with the shoes.
107
00:04:25,350 --> 00:04:26,850
I-I may be stupid,
108
00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:29,350
but why would anybody ever buy
a dress that doesn't fit?
109
00:04:29,350 --> 00:04:31,360
Well, after she loses
a few pounds,
110
00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:32,860
she doesn't want it
to be too big.
111
00:04:32,860 --> 00:04:35,360
But if it is too big, you could
always wear it as a tunic, uh,
112
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:36,860
with some tights.
Oh, yeah. Or you could take
113
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:38,360
the belt from
your plaid suit
114
00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:40,360
and cinch it in at the waist.
And cinch it in.
115
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:42,370
That'd be great.
Suddenly outnumbered,
116
00:04:42,370 --> 00:04:45,870
the male of the species
runs to warn the others.
117
00:04:45,870 --> 00:04:49,870
Oh, hey, Chapel, you got
a message while you were gone.
118
00:04:49,870 --> 00:04:51,880
Oh, no. Davis canceled,
didn't he?
119
00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:53,880
That louse.
120
00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:55,880
Uh, not that it matters,
but, um,
121
00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:58,880
did he call
or send a candy gram?
122
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:02,390
No, it was La Maison
about your dinner reservations.
123
00:05:02,390 --> 00:05:04,390
No can do.
Oh, no.
124
00:05:04,390 --> 00:05:05,890
All the other restaurants
are booked
125
00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:07,890
'cause of the stupid
cranberry festival.
126
00:05:07,890 --> 00:05:10,390
Helen. Ah, Helen, relax.
127
00:05:10,390 --> 00:05:12,400
I'll get you in to La Maison.
128
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:13,900
Yeah?
Oh, yeah.
129
00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:15,900
I have a way with the French.
130
00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:17,900
You know,
you drop a few names,
131
00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:20,400
you'd be surprised
at the results you can get.
132
00:05:22,410 --> 00:05:23,410
Hello, hello.
133
00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:26,410
( speaks in French )
134
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:28,410
I'm on hold.
135
00:05:28,410 --> 00:05:30,920
Lowell, I didn't know
you were bilingual.
136
00:05:30,910 --> 00:05:32,920
Oh, I'm not. I'm just
being friendly to the guy
137
00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:35,920
because I need a table.
138
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,420
Ah, oui, monsieur.
139
00:05:39,420 --> 00:05:43,930
S'il vous plaît un table
pour Jacques Cousteau
140
00:05:43,930 --> 00:05:45,930
et Catherine Deneuve?
141
00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:48,430
Non?
142
00:05:48,430 --> 00:05:52,940
Gérard Depardieu
et Catherine Deneuve?
143
00:05:52,940 --> 00:05:54,440
Non?
144
00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:58,440
How about Gérard Depardieu
and Jacques Cousteau?
145
00:05:58,440 --> 00:05:59,440
Non?
146
00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:01,450
Et vous aussi idiote.
147
00:06:01,450 --> 00:06:02,450
( spitting )
148
00:06:04,450 --> 00:06:06,450
Hello? Hello?
149
00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:09,450
Not getting a table, am I?
150
00:06:09,450 --> 00:06:12,960
Please. Catherine Deneuve
couldn't even get a table.
151
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:15,460
Here I go. Start scratching
every time I get nervous.
152
00:06:15,460 --> 00:06:16,960
Okay.
153
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,460
Davis is gonna be here
in two hours.
154
00:06:19,460 --> 00:06:20,970
What am I gonna do?
155
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:22,470
Okay, I can do this.
I can do this. I can do this.
156
00:06:22,470 --> 00:06:24,470
I can do this.
Let me think.
157
00:06:24,470 --> 00:06:25,970
Got it. Lowell.
158
00:06:25,970 --> 00:06:28,470
You're a great cook.
Do you think you can help me out
159
00:06:28,470 --> 00:06:29,970
and come over to my house
and cook dinner for us?
160
00:06:29,970 --> 00:06:31,480
I only have two hours.
( scoffs )
161
00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:33,980
Helen, I could never prepare
anything
162
00:06:33,980 --> 00:06:36,980
that would live up
to my standards in two hours.
163
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:39,480
Well, can you do something
to live up to my standards?
164
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:42,490
Sure. And I'd even have time
for a snooze.
165
00:06:42,490 --> 00:06:44,990
Great. Thanks a lot.
You're a real lifesaver.
166
00:06:44,990 --> 00:06:46,490
Okay, get movin'.
Clock's a tickin'.
167
00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:48,490
Okay, okay.
See, Helen?
168
00:06:48,490 --> 00:06:49,490
Everything's gonna be okay.
169
00:06:49,490 --> 00:06:52,000
You're right.
I better get moving.
170
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,500
WOMAN:
Helen.
171
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:55,500
HELEN:
Stella?
172
00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:57,000
What are you doing here?
173
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,000
Dominick and I broke up?
174
00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,000
He's been seeing other women
again.
175
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,510
Oh, Stella.
176
00:07:01,510 --> 00:07:02,510
Alex, this is Stella.
Stella, Alex.
177
00:07:02,510 --> 00:07:04,510
She's my friend from New York.
Nice to meet you.
178
00:07:04,510 --> 00:07:06,010
Helen, remember when you said
Yeah.
179
00:07:06,010 --> 00:07:08,010
if I ever needed
someone to talk to?
Right.
180
00:07:08,010 --> 00:07:10,510
Well, I hope you don't have
any plans for tonight,
181
00:07:10,510 --> 00:07:13,520
because I really need someone
to talk to.
182
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:15,520
( sobbing ):
Oh, Helen.
183
00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:17,020
Tonight?
Yeah.
184
00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:22,030
Oh, Stella.
185
00:07:22,030 --> 00:07:24,030
( upbeat piano theme playing )
186
00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:29,030
( upbeat piano theme playing )
187
00:07:30,530 --> 00:07:32,540
( sobbing )
188
00:07:32,540 --> 00:07:34,540
Oh, Stella,
189
00:07:34,540 --> 00:07:36,540
you know how much
that I care for you,
190
00:07:36,540 --> 00:07:39,540
but, um, listen.
191
00:07:39,540 --> 00:07:41,050
Uh, I think you should go home
192
00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:43,050
and patch things up
with your boyfriend.
193
00:07:43,050 --> 00:07:45,050
No.
194
00:07:45,050 --> 00:07:47,050
I have to stay away from him.
195
00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:50,050
But I can't be alone.
I'm a mess.
196
00:07:50,050 --> 00:07:52,560
I need.
197
00:07:55,060 --> 00:07:56,560
Oh.
Oh, now, now.
198
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:59,560
Now, eating for comfort's
only gonna make it worse.
199
00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:02,570
Oh, no. Don't you remember?
I have to eat like this
200
00:08:02,570 --> 00:08:04,570
or I have trouble
keeping my weight on.
201
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:09,070
Oh, yeah. I forgot.
202
00:08:09,070 --> 00:08:11,580
Okay, um, listen.
Stella, about tonight--
203
00:08:11,580 --> 00:08:14,080
Yeah, can we go somewhere
and talk?
204
00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:16,080
Oh, y-- We can. We--
Talk is good.
205
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:19,080
But, you know,
it just occurred to me
206
00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:21,590
that maybe I know someone
who might be more helpful.
207
00:08:21,590 --> 00:08:22,590
Really? Who?
208
00:08:22,590 --> 00:08:24,090
Oh. Wait right here.
209
00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:29,590
Oh, my God.
210
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,100
It is her.
211
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,600
The Slick and Speedy
motor oil girl.
212
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:43,610
Oh. You know my work?
213
00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:45,110
My name's Stella.
214
00:08:45,110 --> 00:08:47,110
Wow, you're a model?
215
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:49,110
Whoa, yes you are.
216
00:08:51,110 --> 00:08:52,620
Could you sign this for me?
217
00:08:52,620 --> 00:08:54,620
Sure, I'd be flattered.
218
00:08:54,620 --> 00:08:56,120
Just write,
"To Roy,
219
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:58,620
thanks for the most incredible
night of my life."
220
00:08:58,620 --> 00:09:01,130
Yeah.
221
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:02,630
If you really wanna
make it realistic,
222
00:09:02,630 --> 00:09:04,130
write in tiny letters
at the corner,
223
00:09:04,130 --> 00:09:06,630
"Help me,
I'm trapped in his basement."
224
00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:09,630
Thanks.
I can't wait to tell
225
00:09:09,630 --> 00:09:11,140
my buddies down at the lodge
I met you.
226
00:09:11,130 --> 00:09:12,640
Hey, can I see that?
227
00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:15,140
Okay, but don't smudge
the good parts.
228
00:09:15,140 --> 00:09:16,640
Wow, December.
229
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:18,140
Boy, it must have been
awful cold
230
00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:20,640
sitting on that snowmobile
in just that little bikini, huh?
231
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:23,150
Whoa! No need to answer
that one, huh?
232
00:09:23,150 --> 00:09:25,150
( both chuckle )
233
00:09:25,150 --> 00:09:27,650
Hey, Slick and Speedy.
234
00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:29,150
Her name is Stella.
235
00:09:29,150 --> 00:09:31,660
I was talking to you.
236
00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:36,660
You know, I'm a grown man.
I can look at this if I want to.
237
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:40,160
I just don't want to.
238
00:09:45,670 --> 00:09:47,670
Oh, come on, Joe.
You have to help me.
239
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:49,670
I need.
240
00:09:49,670 --> 00:09:51,180
No. No, Helen. No way.
241
00:09:51,170 --> 00:09:53,180
Just 'cause you have a date
doesn't mean you can dump
242
00:09:53,180 --> 00:09:54,680
some emotional wreck on me.
243
00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:56,180
Did I mention
Stella's gorgeous?
244
00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:57,180
( scoffs ):
Oh, yeah, right.
245
00:09:57,180 --> 00:10:00,180
Sure she is. Whenever a woman
says another woman is gorgeous,
246
00:10:00,180 --> 00:10:02,690
she usually has an underbite
like a Lhasa apso.
247
00:10:02,690 --> 00:10:06,690
Uh-uh. Forget it, no. I'm tired
of being Mr. There-For-Everyone.
248
00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:08,190
Helen.
249
00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:11,190
Oh, Stella.
Stella, hi. Joe Hackett.
250
00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:14,700
Helen was just telling me
what you're going through.
251
00:10:14,700 --> 00:10:16,200
You poor thing.
Listen, um,
252
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,200
why don't we get together
and have dinner tonight?
253
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,200
We can talk about it.
I get off at 7.
254
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:21,710
Great. Pick her up at 7:30.
255
00:10:24,210 --> 00:10:25,710
Helen, Helen, menu's all set.
Yeah.
256
00:10:25,710 --> 00:10:27,210
Great.
Who's this?
257
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:29,210
Oh, this is my friend Stella,
from New York. Lowell.
258
00:10:29,210 --> 00:10:31,720
I can't work under
these conditions. I quit.
259
00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:33,220
Wait. Wait, why?
Because you said
260
00:10:33,220 --> 00:10:34,720
there was only gonna be
two for dinner.
261
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:37,220
Did you think her meal was just
gonna magically appear?
262
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:39,220
Lowell, she's not eating.
263
00:10:39,220 --> 00:10:40,720
Oh, nice hostess.
264
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:43,230
Listen, you come around
to the back door,
265
00:10:43,230 --> 00:10:45,730
I'll fix you a little plate.
266
00:10:45,730 --> 00:10:48,230
ALEX:
Helen.
Yes.
267
00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:49,230
You're scratching again.
268
00:10:49,230 --> 00:10:50,730
You need to relax.
269
00:10:50,730 --> 00:10:51,740
Come with me to the gym.
270
00:10:51,740 --> 00:10:53,740
Thirty minutes on
the StairMaster, a nice swim--
271
00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:56,240
Oh, like I have time
to do that.
272
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:57,240
You can sweat off
a few pounds.
273
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,240
Good point. Let's go.
274
00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:00,240
All right.
I'll meet you there.
275
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:02,750
Okay. Come on, Stella.
Helen, I've gotta get sleep.
276
00:11:02,750 --> 00:11:05,750
Okay. Okay.
277
00:11:05,750 --> 00:11:08,250
Okay. Got it.
278
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:10,250
Lowell, take my keys.
279
00:11:10,250 --> 00:11:14,260
You go home, get dinner started,
and give Stella a lift.
280
00:11:14,260 --> 00:11:17,760
Oh, great. First I'm the chef,
then I'm the chauffer.
281
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:20,260
What's next?
Watering the polo ponies.
282
00:11:22,270 --> 00:11:23,770
Don't I know you from somewhere?
283
00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:25,270
I'm the Slick and Speedy
girl.
284
00:11:25,270 --> 00:11:27,770
Heh-heh. You know,
I appreciate your candor,
285
00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:31,280
but quite frankly, I like a
little more mystery in a woman.
286
00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:35,280
Hey, girl, how you doing?
Hey.
287
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:37,280
You know what? I'm just
handling everything great.
288
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:38,780
Really.
Davis'll be here soon.
289
00:11:38,780 --> 00:11:40,280
Got my hair done,
got a new dress.
290
00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:42,790
Stella's taken care of.
Lowell's cooking for me.
291
00:11:42,790 --> 00:11:43,790
I have time for a workout.
292
00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:45,790
Everything's going great.
Thanks.
293
00:11:45,790 --> 00:11:47,290
Great.
294
00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:48,790
Oh, God.
Everything's not going fine.
295
00:11:48,790 --> 00:11:50,290
I just gave Lowell
my car keys.
296
00:11:50,290 --> 00:11:52,800
Look, just calm down.
Get a grip, okay, Helen?
297
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,300
Here, you can borrow mine.
Okay.
298
00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:55,800
Oh, thank y--
299
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:58,300
Heh! Hey, hey, you remember
when we were kids,
300
00:11:58,300 --> 00:11:59,800
and we used to play
"keep away,"
301
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:00,800
and remember I used to go
like this?
302
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:02,810
Oh, yeah, and I used to go
like this?
Oh!
303
00:12:04,310 --> 00:12:06,310
Yeah, I forgot that part.
304
00:12:06,310 --> 00:12:08,310
( upbeat piano theme playing )
305
00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:14,820
Oh. Of all the places
I could have taken a breather,
306
00:12:14,820 --> 00:12:16,820
I picked the racquetball court?
307
00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:19,820
Oh, God. Look at my eye.
308
00:12:19,820 --> 00:12:22,330
Helen, trust me. It's nothing.
It's hardly noticeable.
309
00:12:22,330 --> 00:12:23,330
Really?
Yeah.
310
00:12:23,330 --> 00:12:26,330
My God! Look at your eye!
311
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,830
( upbeat piano theme playing )
312
00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:35,340
( upbeat piano theme playing )
313
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:41,340
There you go. See?
I told you.
314
00:12:41,340 --> 00:12:43,350
With makeup,
that eye looks much better.
315
00:12:43,350 --> 00:12:45,350
Really?
LOWELL: Absolutely.
316
00:12:45,350 --> 00:12:48,350
You know, you dim the lights,
that eye looks almost human.
317
00:12:49,850 --> 00:12:52,360
Okay, now,
this is not gonna be a problem.
318
00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:54,360
I mean, it's gonna look fine,
and it's no big deal.
319
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:55,860
This'll be fine.
Right, right.
320
00:12:55,860 --> 00:12:58,860
And once you put your hair down,
Davis won't notice anything.
321
00:12:58,860 --> 00:13:01,870
Oh, yeah. How's this?
322
00:13:01,870 --> 00:13:02,870
Oh, G--
323
00:13:04,370 --> 00:13:05,870
What? What is it?
324
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:11,370
Aaagh! Oh, God!
My hair. It's green.
325
00:13:11,370 --> 00:13:12,880
You know,
on the plus side, though,
326
00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:14,880
it'll draw attention
away from the eye.
327
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:17,380
Alex, how did this happen?
328
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:19,380
Um, maybe your new highlights
329
00:13:19,380 --> 00:13:21,380
reacted with the chlorine
in the pool.
330
00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:24,390
"Come to the gym. A good swim
will make you feel better."
331
00:13:24,390 --> 00:13:25,890
Thanks a lot, Alex.
Come on, Helen.
332
00:13:25,890 --> 00:13:26,890
You can deal with this.
333
00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:28,890
You're feisty,
you're resourceful.
334
00:13:28,890 --> 00:13:30,890
I'm green. Okay.
335
00:13:30,890 --> 00:13:32,900
Let's see. Davis is gonna
be here any minute.
336
00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:34,900
Um, what am I gonna do?
337
00:13:34,900 --> 00:13:36,400
Okay, I got it.
Um...
338
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:38,400
You set the table.
I'm gonna go upstairs.
339
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,400
I'm gonna dye this out.
I'm gonna put on my dress.
340
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:41,910
I'm gonna check on Stella
while I'm up there,
341
00:13:41,910 --> 00:13:43,910
and everything will be fine.
Right. Just relax.
342
00:13:43,910 --> 00:13:45,910
Oh, I'm relaxed.
343
00:13:45,910 --> 00:13:47,410
( doorbell rings )
344
00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:48,910
( gasps ):
Oh, no, it's Davis.
345
00:13:48,910 --> 00:13:50,910
Hoh-hoh, dinner's not ready.
346
00:13:50,910 --> 00:13:51,920
Stall him.
347
00:13:55,420 --> 00:13:56,920
It's just Brian.
348
00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,420
Ah, nice to see you too.
349
00:13:59,420 --> 00:14:00,920
I don't mean it like that.
350
00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:02,430
It's just that things
are a little crazy.
351
00:14:02,430 --> 00:14:03,930
Sure. I'll get out of here
as soon as I can.
352
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:05,930
As soon as I find my keys.
I gave them to Helen.
Oh.
353
00:14:05,930 --> 00:14:07,430
Um, Helen,
where are Brian's keys?
354
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:08,930
HELEN:
I don't know, down there.
355
00:14:08,930 --> 00:14:10,430
Just look around.
356
00:14:10,430 --> 00:14:11,940
BRIAN:
Whoa.
357
00:14:11,940 --> 00:14:13,940
Klaatu, barada, nikto.
358
00:14:15,940 --> 00:14:18,440
Very, very, very funny.
They're right down--
359
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:20,440
They're not. Okay. Okay.
360
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,450
Let's find Brian's keys
and get him out of here.
361
00:14:22,450 --> 00:14:24,450
We'll find his keys,
you go upstairs and get ready.
362
00:14:24,450 --> 00:14:26,450
It's not a problem.
Okay, not a problem.
363
00:14:30,950 --> 00:14:31,960
Mm.
364
00:14:33,460 --> 00:14:35,960
All right. Hold it.
Don't move.
365
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:39,960
All right, somebody took
a crab-filled snow pea.
366
00:14:41,460 --> 00:14:42,470
Was it you?
367
00:14:44,470 --> 00:14:45,970
( mouth full ):
No.
368
00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:49,970
Come on, give.
369
00:14:49,970 --> 00:14:51,480
Come on.
370
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:58,480
Well, nobody's gonna want
this one now.
371
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:00,980
( doorbell rings )
372
00:15:00,980 --> 00:15:02,990
Oh, no! It's Davis.
373
00:15:02,990 --> 00:15:03,990
Well, dinner's not ready.
374
00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:05,490
Stall him.
375
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,990
It's just Roy.
376
00:15:09,990 --> 00:15:11,500
HELEN:
What is he doing here?
377
00:15:11,490 --> 00:15:13,500
I wanna get a picture
with Stella.
Forget it.
378
00:15:13,500 --> 00:15:15,500
Helen's upstairs trying
to get ready for a date
379
00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:17,500
and Stella's asleep.
Ah. So I understand.
380
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:20,000
It's not a good time, is it?
No.
381
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,010
Okay, I'll just park it
over here till it is.
382
00:15:22,010 --> 00:15:23,010
Ooh.
383
00:15:23,010 --> 00:15:25,010
( doorbell rings )
384
00:15:25,010 --> 00:15:27,010
Oh, no. It's Davis.
LOWELL: Heh-heh.
385
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:28,510
Dinner, not ready.
386
00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:30,010
Stall him.
387
00:15:33,020 --> 00:15:34,520
It's just Joe.
388
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:36,520
Well, that was charming.
Hey, where's Stella?
389
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:37,520
Whoa, wow, that's right.
390
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,020
Tonight's your big date
with Lynch.
391
00:15:39,020 --> 00:15:41,020
No wonder you pulled out
all the stops.
392
00:15:41,020 --> 00:15:42,530
Cram it, Joe.
393
00:15:42,530 --> 00:15:44,030
What's all the noise out here?
394
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:46,530
I'm trying to stuff a capon.
395
00:15:46,530 --> 00:15:48,530
Now, Lowell.
Everything's gonna be fine.
396
00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:50,030
I'm gonna take care of all this
right here.
397
00:15:50,030 --> 00:15:52,040
You just go back in the kitchen
and stuff it.
398
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:53,540
The-- The capon.
399
00:15:54,540 --> 00:15:56,040
All right. I'll try.
400
00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:57,540
Okay. I can do this.
401
00:15:57,540 --> 00:15:58,540
I can do this.
I can--
402
00:15:58,540 --> 00:16:00,540
What are you people doing
in my home?
403
00:16:00,540 --> 00:16:03,050
I'm here to pick up Stella.
Uh, looking for my keys.
404
00:16:03,050 --> 00:16:05,550
Okay. Roy, what would you
possibly be doing in my home?
405
00:16:05,550 --> 00:16:08,550
I'm here to take
a naked picture of Stella.
406
00:16:10,050 --> 00:16:11,560
What?
407
00:16:11,550 --> 00:16:13,560
Helen, I'll deal with this.
You go get ready.
Yes.
408
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:15,060
Remember, you can do this.
409
00:16:15,060 --> 00:16:16,060
I can do this.
410
00:16:16,060 --> 00:16:18,560
Wait a second.
You're going out with Stella?
411
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,560
Oh, boy, what I wouldn't give
to f--
412
00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:23,570
Find my keys.
413
00:16:25,070 --> 00:16:26,570
( doorbell rings )
414
00:16:26,570 --> 00:16:28,070
Oh, no, it's Davis!
415
00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:31,070
Mm. Dinner, not ready.
416
00:16:31,070 --> 00:16:33,080
Stall him.
417
00:16:34,580 --> 00:16:36,080
It's just Antonio.
418
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:37,580
HELEN:
What is he doing here?
419
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:40,080
Feeling unwelcome
at the moment.
420
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:43,090
Helen, could you come down here,
please? It's urgent.
421
00:16:43,090 --> 00:16:46,090
HELEN:
Oh, for crying out loud.
I'm busy!
422
00:16:46,090 --> 00:16:47,590
Yes, what? What? What is it?
423
00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:49,090
Agh! Agh! Heh.
424
00:16:49,090 --> 00:16:50,590
Just--
Uh, listen.
425
00:16:50,590 --> 00:16:53,600
Uh, the doctor says I have
a severe case of poison oak
426
00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:55,600
from picking berries with you
yesterday.
427
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:58,100
What?
Ah, well, don't worry.
428
00:16:58,100 --> 00:16:59,600
I mean, the good news is
429
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:02,610
that I don't have
those big red blotchy marks
430
00:17:02,610 --> 00:17:03,610
like those.
431
00:17:03,610 --> 00:17:04,610
Agh.
432
00:17:04,610 --> 00:17:06,110
Oh, good. Poison okay.
433
00:17:06,110 --> 00:17:07,610
With any luck,
it'll kill me.
434
00:17:09,610 --> 00:17:13,120
Now, the doctor gave me
this calamine lotion to, uh--
435
00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:15,120
To relieve the itching, so...
436
00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:16,620
There.
437
00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:22,130
Well, look how pink it is.
438
00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:25,630
Pink is pretty.
439
00:17:25,630 --> 00:17:27,630
Freeze, Biggins.
440
00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:28,630
( doorbell rings )
441
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:30,130
Oh, it's Davis.
442
00:17:30,130 --> 00:17:32,640
Dinner, not ready.
443
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:34,140
Stall him.
444
00:17:36,140 --> 00:17:39,140
Uh, it's just three strange guys
with cameras.
445
00:17:39,140 --> 00:17:40,640
Hey, in here, guys.
446
00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:43,150
Slick and Speedy girl
will be down any minute.
447
00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:45,650
Who are you--?
448
00:17:45,650 --> 00:17:46,650
( stammering )
449
00:17:46,650 --> 00:17:48,150
What are you doing here?
450
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:49,650
( chuckles ):
That's her?
451
00:17:49,650 --> 00:17:53,160
Boy, they really touch up the
bad parts on those calendars.
452
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:54,660
Roy, get your friends
and leave.
453
00:17:54,660 --> 00:17:56,660
Haven't you found your keys yet?
As soon as I do,
454
00:17:56,660 --> 00:17:57,660
I'll get out of your hair.
455
00:17:57,660 --> 00:18:00,160
Bad choice of words.
456
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:01,160
Just check upstairs.
457
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:02,170
Right.
458
00:18:02,170 --> 00:18:04,170
Uh, Joe, do me a favor, please.
459
00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:06,170
Scratch my back.
I can't reach.
460
00:18:06,170 --> 00:18:07,670
No, forget it.
I'm not gonna touch that.
461
00:18:07,670 --> 00:18:08,670
It's contagious.
462
00:18:08,670 --> 00:18:10,670
Please, I'm dying here.
463
00:18:15,180 --> 00:18:17,180
Ah.
464
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:19,180
Oh.
465
00:18:19,180 --> 00:18:22,190
When was the last time
you had a manicure?
466
00:18:24,190 --> 00:18:25,690
( crashing )
467
00:18:25,690 --> 00:18:26,690
Ca--
468
00:18:26,690 --> 00:18:29,190
All right, all right.
469
00:18:29,190 --> 00:18:30,190
Nobody panic.
470
00:18:30,190 --> 00:18:31,700
Dinner's gonna be
a little delayed.
471
00:18:31,690 --> 00:18:35,200
I just have to reassemble
the chicken from memory.
472
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,200
Oh, there goes dinner.
473
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,200
Helen, Helen, hang on.
474
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,700
Okay. Okay.
475
00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:42,210
Because, see, um,
Davis is not here to eat food,
476
00:18:42,210 --> 00:18:43,710
he's here to see me, right?
477
00:18:43,710 --> 00:18:45,710
Okay, so everything's gonna be
fine.
478
00:18:45,710 --> 00:18:48,210
( Stella screams )
No, it's not.
479
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:52,720
Whoa. Who knew Stella slept
in the nude, uh?
480
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:54,720
Boys--
Hold it right there.
481
00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:57,720
Okay, let's see.
Somebody go check on Stella.
482
00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,720
Joe, that's your job.
Please knock first.
483
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:03,230
Okay. But, uh, if I'm not back
in ten minutes,
484
00:19:03,230 --> 00:19:06,230
send up some champagne.
485
00:19:06,230 --> 00:19:08,730
So you saw her naked, huh?
486
00:19:09,730 --> 00:19:11,730
It was awful, honey.
Hold me.
487
00:19:13,740 --> 00:19:16,740
( doorbell rings )
Oh, no! It's Davis.
488
00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:18,240
Heh-heh, dinner's not ready.
489
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:19,240
Stall him.
490
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:23,750
Hey, it's just Fay and--
Who the hell are you?
491
00:19:23,750 --> 00:19:26,250
Dominick. Stella's boyfriend.
492
00:19:26,250 --> 00:19:27,750
Heh-heh, oh, no.
493
00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:29,250
He was making a commotion
at the airp-- Ooh.
494
00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:30,750
Oh, well, then, fine.
Bring him here, Fay.
495
00:19:30,750 --> 00:19:34,760
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
You're Stella's boyfriend?
496
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:36,260
Oh, I know.
I couldn't believe it either.
497
00:19:36,260 --> 00:19:37,760
Where is she?
498
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:39,260
Hey, Stella!
499
00:19:39,260 --> 00:19:40,760
Stella!
500
00:19:42,270 --> 00:19:44,770
She's upstairs naked with Joe.
501
00:19:44,770 --> 00:19:46,270
Stella!
502
00:19:46,270 --> 00:19:48,270
Helen, quick,
I need you to taste the sauce.
503
00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:49,770
Not now, Lowell.
504
00:19:49,770 --> 00:19:52,280
Oh, great. I slave over
a hot exploding stove,
505
00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:54,280
and you don't even have a minute
to try the sauce.
506
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,280
Well, I guess I'm gonna have
to leave then.
507
00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:58,780
Okay, tasting the sauce.
508
00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:01,280
( all shouting indistinctly )
509
00:20:02,790 --> 00:20:05,790
So Stella, this is the wimp
who's taking my place?
510
00:20:05,790 --> 00:20:06,790
Wimp?
Yeah.
511
00:20:06,790 --> 00:20:08,290
You have no right
to call anyone anything,
512
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:09,790
Mr. Hot-Shot-Photographer.
513
00:20:09,790 --> 00:20:11,290
You're the one
that had the affair
514
00:20:11,290 --> 00:20:12,800
with the Sports Illustrated
swimsuit model.
515
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:14,300
Really? Which one?
516
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:16,300
Why are you even here?
517
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:17,800
Because I love you, Stella.
518
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,300
Ah. And you show your love
519
00:20:19,300 --> 00:20:21,810
by seducing the hottest actress
in Hollywood?
520
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:22,810
Really? Which one?
521
00:20:22,810 --> 00:20:26,310
Dump the geek and let's
get out of here, Stella.
522
00:20:26,310 --> 00:20:28,810
Geek. Oh, time to go,
little man.
523
00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:30,310
You want a piece of me,
rubber neck?
524
00:20:30,310 --> 00:20:31,310
Come on!
525
00:20:31,310 --> 00:20:32,820
Agh!
526
00:20:43,330 --> 00:20:45,330
Okay, I can do this.
527
00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:51,330
Who am I kidding?
I can't do this.
528
00:20:51,330 --> 00:20:54,340
Okay, that's it.
It's over. I quit.
529
00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:56,340
This was supposed to be
a beautiful night,
530
00:20:56,340 --> 00:20:59,340
and I have green hair,
a black eye, and blotches.
531
00:20:59,340 --> 00:21:01,850
Look at me. Just look at me!
532
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:04,850
It's prom night,
and I'm Carrie.
533
00:21:04,850 --> 00:21:07,850
Actually,
Carrie could be hosed off,
534
00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:09,350
and then she was okay.
535
00:21:09,350 --> 00:21:11,350
But you, well--
That's it.
536
00:21:11,350 --> 00:21:13,860
Everybody out!
Get out of my house!
537
00:21:13,860 --> 00:21:15,860
Go!
538
00:21:16,860 --> 00:21:19,860
Get out. Get out.
539
00:21:19,860 --> 00:21:21,860
Who are you?
I don't care, get out.
540
00:21:24,370 --> 00:21:26,370
( panting )
541
00:21:30,870 --> 00:21:32,380
( doorbell rings )
542
00:21:32,380 --> 00:21:34,380
What the hell do you want?
543
00:21:36,380 --> 00:21:38,380
Oh, Davis.
544
00:21:38,380 --> 00:21:40,380
( upbeat piano theme playing )
545
00:21:43,750 --> 00:21:55,900
( upbeat piano theme playing )
36484
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