Original subtitles

You guys are going to love it.

I mean, it's just such a great car.

It's got great cup-holders.

I remember our cars didn't have cup-holders growing up.

You guys like cups, right? You have a bunch of them.

I mean, by the way, you all have a teenager, right?

My name is Nate Wilcox,

and I'm the best car salesman this side of the Mississippi.

This right here, safest car on the road.

This right here,

the loudest car on the road!

A lot of people think selling cars

is just a bunch of big fake smiles and handshakes.

But not for me! It's all about

understanding my customer's needs.

And I mean, like, helping them actually solve problems.

You're going to college, right?

Look, everybody's going to be driving trucks and flashy cars.

You want to stand out. You want to be remember able.

This is how you do it, right here.

-A minivan? -Of course a minivan!

Dude, I drove one of these in high school

and everybody loved it.

I was Homecoming King.

-You were? -Yeah.

I mean, you know, it was a small school and mostly girls,

but the point is they still talk about that van to this day.

It's even got a cooler inside, dude.

Yep, that's how I sell cars.

And it's worked out pretty well for me so far.

I'll tell you, I am living the American dream.

I live in a beautiful neighborhood.

I own a beautiful home.

I have three great daughters and an incredible wife.

What can I say? Life is good.

I'm the breadwinner, and Katie's a stay-at-home mom.

I know that may sound a little old-fashioned,

but for us, it's all about having

a good work-life balance.

I handle work, Katie handles life.

Come on, please!

-Can you just... -Stop! No.

No. You're so impatient. You can use it when I'm done.

-Conceited. C-O-N-C-E-I-T... -Oh, my God. Mom,

Hadley's spelling at me again!

Is she spelling correctly?

-I don't know. -Yes, I am.

And she's great at details.

Our whole world is run from

this color-coded system she made.

I don't always know what the colors mean,

but I'm not the one, you know, who picks up the kids,

so I kind of don't have to, I guess.

"Buy Sam a horse"?

It's on the calendar.

Yeah, nice try.

I can't hear you.

What'd you say?

But it's not like Katie does everything by herself.

I help.

One of my jobs is taking out the trash...

and I never, ever forget that.

Wait, it's trash day!

Wait!

Hold on!

Wait! Wait!

Hold on. Hold on!

Okay, sometimes I do

forget to take out the trash.

But, look, if I did everything right,

this would be a pretty boring movie.

Did you not see me?

No, we saw the whole thing.

Well, then, why didn't you stop?

This is recycling.

Trash came an hour ago.

His dance moves are so cute.

And look at those dimples.

Mom, Gracie's obsessing over a boy.

Yeah, you know what, you might want to put that away

before your dad gets back.

Mom, I'm 13.

-I'm allowed to like boys. -Oh, I know that.

But sometimes it takes dads

a little longer to...

you know, accept it.

-All right, trash is done. -How was that?

Why? What'd you hear?

Wait, what's in your hoodie?

What?

Oh, my...

It must have fell from the tree!

Ew.

Dad, how much does a horse cost?

Probably too much.

And, I mean, we're not a horse affording family.

Thank you, Nate. Remember, Sam, we said no horses.

Why not?

Because the horse we could afford

would have major problems.

What if you got kicked in the head?

You ain't coming back from that.

Abraham Lincoln got kicked in the head by a horse.

There's no way that's true.

Yeah, when he was 10. He almost died, too.

That's the greatest comeback story I've ever heard.

That guy's the GOAT!

Ooh, can we get one of those?

A goat? A goat has rectangle eyes.

You don't want to look at that.

We're like a hamster affording family.

Guinea pig on a good year.

Goldfish though, we're rolling in goldfish money.

What is this? Is this your star thing?

Yeah. So I call it the Star Minder.

The... the points of the star are little reminder tabs

to help the girls get ready in the morning.

Oh, my goodness, this looks like something you bought.

-That's what I said. -Right?

That's... I mean, it's, like, crazy professional.

Thank you.

You all are lucky to have

such a talented mom.

Well, I like to think so.

Mm.

Ooh!

Oh, yeah?

Maybe everybody should get a kiss!

No! No! Stop!

Give it to me! Give it to me!

Oh, the kiss monster wants one!

Ew, what happened out there?

-Raccoons. -Hm.

Oh! Babe, remember, we have dinner at the Ashfords' tonight.

Avery's parents, Conor and Angela.

Conor and I are room parents together.

He's the dad who's so excited to meet you.

He's always asking about you.

Oh, that guy?

It's going to be fun. It's happening.

Well, you know I love a good hang with a stranger.

Bye, Dad. Love you.

Bye, Dad. Love you. Have a great day at work.

-Love you. -Love you all.

Bye.

Put three on the board!

Dude, I don't know what it is,

but I am killing it out there today.

My guy, that's what I'm talking about.

Here's your coffee.

-Just how you like it. -Mm.

One cream, 14 sugars.

Hey, how many times have you won Salesman of the Year now? Six?

I don't do it for the title, man.

I do it...

for those Titan tickets.

I do it for my family,

because there's nothing they love more

than looking up at that jumbotron

and seeing a stadium full of Titans fans cheering my name.

That's the best day of their year,

seeing me up on that 'tron.

Yeah, you're a true family man, Wilcox.

Thanks.

No, she didn't. That's amazing.

Well, you've made a great choice with this car.

It's going to last you 20 years.

You won't need another new car until you're 50.

Oh, stop.

-I'm just being serious. -Ugh.

Here, Dennis here will take you to my office, okay?

Miss me.

Peyton, put some pants on, okay?

I can't have corporate seeing you like this.

-Is that a ladies' shirt? -Yes, it is.

I'm just sick of losing to Nate every year,

so I've changed up my strategy.

I'm going to target the ladies...

-Oh. -and then pecs

bring in the checks.

-Uh... -You see that?

-No. -Not... No, not that.

You see Toyota dance? You see Peyton dance?

You see Toyota dance?

How long you been practicing this?

45 to 50 minutes this morning.

Those Titans tickets are yours.

Once you go Pakistan, you never go back-is tan.

Contractor was a nightmare.

How long did the renovation take?

-Six years. -Six years. Wow.

Just the boys grilling.

Yeah, it's nice.

Oh.

Five-second rule.

I... I can eat that one.

Okay.

Hey, what are these frisbees about?

-Disc golf! You play? -Oh, wow.

-No, no, I don't. -Oh.

I try to work on my game whenever I can.

Yeah.

Um, you have to get into a groove.

-Wow. Wow. -Yeah.

What are you trying to hit?

Look at him over there trying to impress your husband.

He just set that thing up today.

Aw. That's kind of sweet.

Oh. Sorry.

It's becoming a hazard at this point.

Oh. Wow.

Conor!

Ow!

-Oh. -Oh, my gosh.

I... I'm sorry, Avery. Oh, man.

You hit the target on that one.

Okay, Conor, I think we've had enough.

Will you flip these burgers for me?

Uh... Yeah. Wow.

I thought these were hash browns.

So, Angela, how's work?

Oh, really good. Yeah. Sales are up.

We finally beat that ridiculous lawsuit.

The judge told the plaintiff,

"Hey, if you can't take the heat,"

"get out of the kitchen."

Jackpot. Great. Congratulations.

Oh, shoot!

I forgot I was supposed to pick up

napkins for the bake sale.

Oh, Conor, no worries. We'll just...

We'll pick some up on the way home.

You sure?

-Mm-hm. -I'll get Keith to do it.

Who's Keith?

My assistant, yeah. He takes care of everything for me.

Travel and expenses, my schedule,

every single thing of importance in my life is handled by Keith.

I don't know who I'd be without him.

Last year, totally forgot about Father's Day.

But it didn't even matter.

Keith had already sent Conor

the most beautiful bouquet of peonies.

It was great to get those from Keith.

-Hm. -That's nice.

Kate's got an assistant, too. Yeah.

What? I do?

Yeah, you do. The star thingy for the kids' backpack.

-Oh. No, no, no. -Star thingy?

Yeah, yeah. Go, tell her.

It's awesome.

No, it's just... it's a little thing I made for the girls

to help them get ready for school. It's nothing.

Don't be so modest, okay?

What has Conor here invented?

Absolutely nothing. And he never will.

Not yet!

Wife poison!

No. I... I wouldn't.

So what did you think of Conor?

I don't know.

I have way more in common

with that Angela dude he's married to.

-Speaking of Angela... -Mm-hm.

You know, she thinks that I might really have something

with the Star Minder.

Like, moms would actually buy it.

Of course they would. It's a great invention.

-Yeah? -It's like the chip clip.

I mean, we were just using rubber bands like barbarians.

And then the chip clip inventor came along.

I'm married to the chip clip inventor.

So you don't mind if I pursue it?

Because her company sponsors

that craft fair in Centennial Park,

and she thinks she can give me a booth.

Yes, of course.

-Really? -Are you kidding me?

If doing this makes you happy,

go for it. You have to go for it.

-Okay. -Hm.

That's why I invented the Star Minder.

The points of the star are customizable reminder tabs

for all the tasks that you want your kids to do

before they get out of the house in the morning.

And, yes, there should be some samples

-on the table in front of you. -Hm.

-So, what's the deal here? -Wow.

You put little labels on these things?

Yes, the parent and child

can decide what the specific tasks are,

and you do them together.

I can't believe Mom's on TV.

Sam. Sam! That food's for the sharks.

Oh, the food's for everyone.

Oh. Well, in that case,

-make me a plate. -Shh!

-The sharks are talking to Mom. -Okay. I'm sorry.

Have you sold any of these?

Um, since launching about six months ago in our living room,

we've sold about 2,000 units.

Just 2,000 in six months?

Well, 2,000 considering that I'm a stay-at-home mom.

-I have three kids in between... -So, you're a full-time mother?

I am. My husband, Nate, and I have three beautiful daughters.

What are you going to do in terms of running a company?

I mean, you can't have kids

and take care of them, and be the CEO.

Kevin, maybe she has a nanny.

-Women do this all the time. -That's true.

-Well, do you have a nanny? -We don't have a nanny.

What about your husband?

-Yeah. What about him? -Nate?

-Yeah. Yeah. -Um...

I mean, I haven't asked him,

-but, sure. -Wait a second.

-Wait a second. Is he here? -Yes.

Well, bring him out here. Bring him out.

Are you serious? Yeah. Yes.

Is he here?

He's in the back with our kids. I don't...

Well, if you want the deal and you want

-to run the company... -Copy.

-I do. I do. -And we are moving...

-We are moving? Where... -Yeah, we're moving out.

-Dad? Where are you going? -Dad? Where are you going?

-But... But... -Oh, my God.

Bring him out. Bring him out.

Is this okay?

We need to see him. Really?

Yeah. There he goes. Come on.

-Here he comes. -Here he comes.

He's just looking around.

-I think he's... -Is he blind?

They wanted to talk to you.

Okay. Wait a second. Wait a second.

-I'm out. -What? Why?

This guy's holding a donut! He's a bozo!

They didn't have a...

There's no garbage can out there.

You can finish it.

Oh.

-Oh. -Now, it's gone.

-Oh. -It's gone.

Uh... Okay. What, are you kidding?

I'm... I'm out. I'm sorry.

Oh, wow.

-I'm out. -I'm out.

Hey... Hey, man.

We don't need to see that.

-I'm sorry. Babe, I'm so sorry. -It's okay.

Nate, um, once you've swallowed that...

tell us about you. What do you do?

I'm a Toyota salesman.

-Oh, good. Okay. -Wow.

Top salesman, uh... at my dealership.

-Really? -Yeah. Yeah.

I find that hard to believe.

Um, forget about all of them.

Katie, I really think you might have something here.

So, I'm going to offer you the $100,000

for 20% of your company...

-Are you kidding me? -Oh, my God!

I am not kidding.

Lori. I believe in her.

But it's contingent on one thing, Nate.

Contingent on you taking some time off from work,

so that you can take care of the kids,

and Katie can take care of the business.

Yeah, of course. I could do that.

Really?

Yeah. Why do you sound surprised?

Because she's looking in your big, dumb eyes,

thinking what a disaster that would be.

Are you kidding? You've never raised kids on your own.

I thought...

Are you allowed to talk if you're already out?

Can you just give us one minute to talk about this?

-Sorry. -What does she have to discuss?

Talk amongst yourselves.

-What do you think we should do? -You do it.

-You just do it. -Really?

Yeah, this is crazy.

What about you? What about work?

-What about this top salesman? -It's fine.

It means so much to you.

I'm so far ahead. I can leave for a year.

Maybe you could call your mom to come help?

Katie, I'm not calling my mom.

I mean, how hard can it be? I can do it.

I could do 80% of what you do, and that's a lot.

80%? Well, you clearly have no idea how much work I do.

75%.

This is not the time to do this. But I could do 75%...

Babe, do you even know what laundry detergent we use?

It doesn't matter. I bet we already have it.

Do you know how to access the parent portal for school?

Is that a wizard thing?

Portals aren't real, Katie.

What could he be taking so long to discuss?

Just two seconds. Just two seconds.

-Yeah. -Listen,

this isn't forever, all right?

This is just to get the business off the ground.

You got to trust me.

I can do this.

Do we have a deal?

-Um, Lori. -Yes.

I will take it.

No!

All right, I guess.

Congratulations!

I am so excited!

I think it's going to be great.

Thank you.

-Thank you so much. -You're so welcome.

Oh, my God!

-Thank you. Thank you. -It'll be great.

-And you? Congratulations, too. -Yes. Appreciate it.

And I wish you good luck.

Okay. Well, it's not surgery, so...

Okay. - But I appreciate it.

-Yeah. Thank you. -All right, good. Yay!

Guys, good luck!

Please, you're going to need it.

Oh, my God.

Why are you so nervous?

This is exciting.

I am excited.

South Korea is just so far away,

and I haven't been apart from the kids for more than a day.

It's two weeks.

You act like I'm going to blow the house up.

I know. I know.

There's a lot worse things that can happen than that.

And I'm sure I'll find all of them.

Oh, babe, actually, could you get breakfast started for me

and I'll go wake up the girls?

Oh, how many kids do we have again? I forget.

There's a small one I saw the other day.

When did she come around?

All right, I got this. Breakfast.

Easiest meal of the day.

I guess that's where the spaghetti goes.

Easy-peasy.

Yep. Oh.

Come on. Get through.

Oh, whatever.

Extra calcium.

Toast.

Broken!

Oh.

Perfect.

Bye-bye.

Just like the pilgrims did it.

Don't wear the same thing as me.

But I was wearing it first!

-You always copy what I wear! -No, I don't!

Just say you want to be me at this point.

I don't.

Breakfast is served.

Yeah, I don't eat scrambled eggs.

What? I thought you liked scrambled eggs.

That was, like, a month ago, Dad.

Now I hate them.

-I like scrambled eggs. -No, you don't.

Shh. I'm lying.

All right, what do you like, then?

Literally anything but that.

-Sour Patch Kids. -Salads.

-Tacos? -Airhead Xtremes.

-Sushi. -Yes! Sushi!

Really, any kind of candy is good.

Sure, Sam. Yep.

Dad, are you Mom now?

Yes, I am your mother.

Could we do your makeup?

-Yeah! -We'll see.

Are you sure you're ready for this?

-I mean, we're kind of a lot. -Yeah.

One, I don't like that you know that.

And two, I'm your dad.

I'm not a stranger. It just...

It's going to take a little time

to get used to the morning routine.

Well, my morning routine's pretty easy.

-I usually just have coffee. -No, she doesn't.

-So, yeah. -I get candy.

God, don't tell him what I do.

Always.

You're so annoying. Candy, candy, candy.

Sorry, babe. Sam and Gracie aren't eating eggs right now.

Oh, yeah, we just talked about it. Toaster's broken.

-What? -Crazy. I know.

That's going to be something I use a lot.

Broken or unplugged?

I'm not a mechanic, but I know when something's broke.

How about cereal?

Yes! No, no.

How about some oatmeal with fruit?

-All right... -Come on.

-No. -I bet

that's around here somewhere.

Fine. Yeah.

Okay, babe. Let's go over this once more.

Sam gets picked up at 2:45.

Hadley and Gracie are at 3:15. Unless it's Wednesday

and then the schedule's reversed, or Friday

where they all get out at the same time.

That means you just have to hustle to get...

Oh, man.

Oh...

This might make you nervous...

but it's all going to be fine.

Okay, here. It's all here.

You just have to trust the command center

and you'll be great.

I'll be honest. This command center has always scared me.

But I'm going to figure it out.

You'll figure it out.

Going to make a few

of my own adjustments. "Sleepover"?

No, thank you.

I am going to be 13 hours ahead,

so that means that I'm going to be asleep

in the middle of your day here.

Uh... Wash. We have to wash the towels first

-before the clothes separately. -Yes.

What else? Oh, you're going to want to check.

Hadley's model volcano here,

because I think we might have over-filled it.

And you're definitely going to want to soak

that oatmeal bowl in the sink.

Okay. Like right now?

No, no, no. Now you add water to cook it.

But then you soak it in the sink.

All right.

Girls! My babies!

Oh, I'm going to miss you so much.

Oh!

Mm.

Can Dad go to South Korea instead?

No.

Can he go somewhere else?

-Hey, I'm right here. -I am going to be back

before you know it. I promise. Come here.

We're all going to die.

Hey! I fixed the toaster.

-Bye. -Bye.

-Have fun. -I love you guys.

Don't worry about a thing.

When you get back, the house will be

exactly like you left it.

Dad, the front door's locked. Do you have keys?

Nope. Just keep waving.

We'll put Sam through a window in the back.

Yes!

All right. Who's getting dropped off first?

Uh, Dad, you're, like, not even driving in the right direction.

To your school?

To any of our schools.

Wait. Do you not know where our schools are?

No, I know where your schools are at.

I know where they're at, but just to be safe,

I'm gonna put on my GPS.

So everybody, say your name of your school out loud. Go now!

Ooh, can we do laser tag instead?

No! Just give me the name of your school

or I'm going to call Mom at the airport.

So you're going to call Mom

and admit you don't know the locations or names

of any of our schools?

Yeah, I will. I mean, I...

I don't care how bad it makes me look.

No.

No. Look, I'm going to count to three.

Someone tell me the name of your school.

One,

-two... -I dialed for you.

What? No!

-No. Sam, give me the phone. -It's actually ringing!

-Ringing! -Sam, hang up the phone.

-I was just... -You were just what, Dad?

No! No! I was just...

-Just say it! Admit it! -Dad. Just admit it.

No, no, I was just...

Laser tag! Laser tag! Laser tag!

-Dad, look out. -I'm watching.

-Just give it back real fast. -I don't have it.

-Sam! -Say it! You were...

Okay! All right, fine, I was just bluffing!

-Ha! I knew it! -Now will you please

-hang the phone up! -Dad! Look out!

Hi, guys. What's up? You miss me already?

What are you doing back here?

Just reminding myself I'm still good at something.

Hey, I noticed my picture's gone.

Well, it's an employee photo,

and you are no longer an employee.

Dan, I didn't quit. I'm on leave.

I've heard that before.

I think you need to just figure out

where your priorities are.

I did. They're with my children.

Great, okay, well, it hurts to hear you say that out loud.

Come on, man. If you had kids, you would understand.

I do have kids.

-What? -I have five kids.

But you never hear me talk about them at work.

Where did you get kids?

Is this guy bothering you?

What happened to your shirt? Did a volcano explode on it?

Yes, that's exactly what happened to this shirt.

You'd be in the hospital. Volcanoes are very hot.

Why... What is this?

Peyton's my number one guy now, Nate. That's what this is.

Uh-huh. Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.

You can't leave with company property.

This was a gift from Dan.

Sorry, buddy. Not personal, it's a policy.

-Dude. -What? I don't make the rules.

You're the floor manager. That's literally your job.

This is mine now.

Is it too hot for you?

No.

It's just right.

Oh.

Hey, oh, Peyton, don't do this.

This is your guy?

That's my number one guy.

Uh... Excuse me, are you the egg guy?

No. But I do dabble in the egg section from time to time.

Oh, great. Uh, do you mind if I ask you some questions?

-Sure. -Uh, there's a lot of eggs here,

and I need to buy some eggs for my family,

so which ones would I choose?

Well, what type of egg are you looking for?

Normal ones. Ones that my kids will eat.

Those are pastured eggs.

-Pastured. -And they contain

twice as many omega-3s.

Oh, wow. That's a lot of...

That's more omega than I thought.

Uh, I see these say free-range,

and then the ones below it say cage-free.

So what's the difference between that?

Well, those are free-range and those are cage-free.

Hm. Interesting.

Let's say I don't know how to make eggs.

Are there eggs that are already made?

Well, there are places called restaurants.

Hm.

All right, Pat. Getting a little...

I don't care for your tone here.

I know I've been grilling you pretty hard on the eggs,

and I'm not wearing you out, am I?

Because I'm going to need you over there in the milk section.

I mean, I can't wait to find out what Lace-taid means.

Um...

Hey, Mom, just giving you a... a call.

Wanted to, uh...

You know, I thought, I don't know,

maybe you'd want to come stay.

The girls wanted me to call you. They... they miss you.

And so, they were like, "Oh, yeah,"

"maybe she can come spend the night."

You know, one or two nights. Uh...

Twelve, thirteen tops. Thirteen tops.

And, you know, just stay in Sam's room,

or Hadley's, or my room, I don't...

Ow. Golly, dude!

Who put a towel there?

Oh, God!

Oh, what...

Uh... Hello?

Hello, sir. Am I speaking to the man of the house?

No, she's not home. But what's going on up there?

Uh, Keegan Jones. Keegan Roofing and Tile.

Your wife had called to check my availability

to replace your roof,

and I thought, you know, why call back

and tell her I'm available

when I can show her I'm available

by already being on the roof?

All right. And Katie okayed all this?

I mean, feel free to check my Yelp yourself.

I got five stars and only one negative review

and that is from my ex-wife.

You know, she said my tools don't get the job done.

Okay. Uh, yeah, man.

It's great. Uh...

Yeah, you're hired, I guess.

What? Really?

You know what? Maybe I should just call her real...

It's school pickup already!

Shoot!

Hey, I'm going to make you proud.

Yeah, hey, good job. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?

Good job. Great job today, you guys.

We're gonna wait for our parents to come.

-Good job today! -Hi. Hi. Hey.

Oh, hi!

Hey, what's up? I'm here for Sam.

Oh, Mr. Wilcox.

I'm so used to seeing Katie.

Well, get used to me

because she's no longer with us, you know?

Ah, 'cause she's in South Korea! Working. Yeah. Shark Tank.

She's alive. Yeah. Sorry about that.

Do you have a minute to talk?

Am I... Am I in trouble?

Sam's been hugging her classmates

every time she sees them.

-Okay. -All day.

Okay. I'll talk to her and, uh, yeah, just tell her to stop.

-So, thank you. -No. Actually,

at her age, telling her to stop may reinforce the behavior.

We need to make sure

we're communicating with the right words.

Right... right words.

You might want to take notes.

Notes.

Notes.

So I'd like to introduce you to a concept

called "the bubble of consent."

Now, imagine each kiddo lives inside

their own individual bubble.

They can touch what's in their own bubble

without having to ask,

but they need permission,

yeah... - Okay.

To enter another kiddo's bubble.

Uh, say that part one more time.

Which part?

-Uh, the beginning of it. -The beginning?

Yeah, the beginning and the rest of it, too.

Okay.

What's wrong?

Everything okay?

Avery and Trisha both knew

how to spell "Chihuahua" and I didn't.

Well, now you do, so...

But, like, what if I don't know other words?

I need to study more.

All right. Where's your sister?

Probably trying to get Brian to notice her.

"Brian"?

Who's Brian?

Gracie!

Hi.

It's your dad!

It's your family in a van! We live in the same house!

I... I couldn't remember if you remembered.

My God! Dad! Was that really necessary?

It was. I didn't know how else... how to...

Who's Brian?

A boy she likes.

He's the reason she started shaving her legs.

-Hadley! -Oh, my God.

What? You're in there shaving them every night.

Every night?

Your mom does it twice a year.

Dad, I'm hungry. Can we get dinner?

You all got to eat again? I thought we were done.

Maybe Brian should come over for dinner.

-You know what, Sam? That's a... -No!

-Brian! -No! No!

-Stop! -Brian! Brian!

Hey, pizza's here.

Hey, man.

Uh... Boom. There you go.

Oh, you already tipped on the app, so...

Yeah. We're going to be seeing

a lot of each other these next couple weeks.

This is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.

Hey.

Night-night.

All right, Sam, it's time for bed.

I'm almost done with second hugs.

Second hugs.

Uh... You know what?

Hey, let's talk about something real fast.

Am I skipping a grade?

No. Not by the looks of it. We might even do a couple twice.

Am I getting a horse?

That's where you thought this was going?

Uh... Oh.

How do I say it? Um...

Don't hug kids at school.

But I love my classmates.

I know you do.

And that's great. Just show them in a different way.

Okay.

Wow.

All right. You know what?

You're my favorite.

-I know. -Good night.

Good night.

Hadley. Screens off.

What? No, but... but I'm... I'm just using the light

to study my spelling flashcards.

Of course you are.

Night.

Look at you fighting for the number one spot, huh?

A party with boys? Yeah,

my dad would never let me have one. Are you kidding?

Gracie. Hey. Phones off, please.

I guess I know my third favorite.

Thirteen more days.

"Night chores"?

What?

I should've soaked it.

God.

30 in the morning. Golly.

Are we running a car wash I don't know about?

Hey!

Hi, babe. How's it going?

Great. Yeah. I hired a roofer.

Oh! Nice. Which one?

-Which what? -Which roofer?

I called all the top-rated places

so I could make them bid against each other.

Then I also called my friend's cousin, Keegan,

'cause his bid was so low,

I thought I could use it against the others.

So who did you go with?

Uh... Yeah, I mean, I don't remember his name, you know.

But he was a good one.

Hey, roof's looking pretty good, man.

Thank you so much for handling that for me, babe. Oh!

You must be on your way to go get the girls, huh?

Yep, as we speak. I'm going right now!

And could you please drop off

those forks I left in the back of the car?

Thank you, I love you.

Love you. Pistachios?

What the...

Dad!

-What are you doing? -I was sleeping,

or trying to.

Why doesn't this couch fold out?

Because not all couches fold out.

I meant, what are you doing here? I called Mom.

Yeah, she's on a cruise.

Anyway, I'm here to help.

-Are you? -Yeah.

Yeah. As soon as I finish my siesta.

Oh, man.

Uh, excuse me. Do you all know where to put these forks at?

Uh, Nate Wilcox. Katie said we'd be seeing more of you.

How you doing, sugar?

Hanging in there, you know?

Katie has me doing a lot of chores.

It's basically Chore City at our house.

And all the cleaning sprays.

Under our sink, it looks like a Baskin-Robbins.

Baskin-Robbins.

Uh... I mean, I used one

the other day. It said "all-purpose."

And it didn't clean anything up.

Should've said "no purpose," you know?

No purpose.

Oh, God.

-What are we all laughing at? -Conor,

looks like you're not the only dad on campus anymore.

And this one's funny.

Oh, Nate?

-Big time funny. -Oh, wow.

Say it, don't spray it, you know?

"Say it, don't spray it."

Dad?

Thought you were going to wait in the car.

Didn't you go to school in a sweater?

What?

-No. -Okay.

Well, I was going to wear the same thing.

That would've been embarrassing.

What an absolute joy.

I'm sure I'll be seeing you around.

-All right. Pleasure. -Nice to meet you, Nate.

Thank you.

That is the first funny dad.

No bad dad jokes.

Hey, Nate.

What was that?

Katie told me to drop forks off.

Not the... Not the forks. Talking to the moms.

If you need to bring the moms something, bring it to me.

Okay? Bring it to me.

-I bring it to them. See? -Okay.

You know, and if you wanna hang out,

don't hang out with the moms. Hang out with this guy!

'Cause I've been texting you. You been getting those?

No, I haven't.

You haven't gotten a single one of my texts?

-No. -God, a lot of them say "read."

-You can see that? -Yeah, like,

the whole color changes.

I don't think I've gotten any of them.

-Really? -Yeah.

Can I see?

Uh, I would, but it's way in there, and so...

Just let me know. Even tonight, we could grab a drink. Bowl.

-Bowl? -We'll do a bowl.

-What? -In the meantime,

stay away from here.

Okay?

My moms are not your moms.

What?

Help! Help!

Help!

Help!

Yeah. So, basically,

all of these people behind me

are here to help me with the Star Minder.

-We're kind of... -Dad! Mom's in a factory!

-Oh, what? -Yeah.

We're stress-testing different plastics

for the body of the star.

I'll be right there.

You speak South Korean?

-It's just Korean, Dad. -Well, not to them.

Dang, the team was really excited about that one.

Good try!

Dad, what's for breakfast?

Uh...

Pizza.

-For breakfast? -Just put milk on it.

Uh, hey, Nate, could I talk to you privately?

Yeah, I was joking. Is that... I... I thought I muted that.

You tapped Mom's hard hat, Dad.

Oh, my God.

Hey, I just want to say I totally respect

-your healthy breakfast thing... -No, I know.

-But, you know... -No, no, no, no. It's fine.

I wanted to check and see how you were doing.

Uh... Great.

I'm great. You know, I mean, with the command center and...

You know, don't worry about me.

-We're good over here. -Yeah?

'Cause I know it's hard.

You know, we're growing into new roles.

Uh... I'm not growing into a new role.

I'm just keeping your role warm, right?

Right. Yeah. I think what I meant...

Uh... No. No, I know what you meant.

It's just for now.

It's just for now. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Um... Hey, babe, I have,

like, 25 people waiting for me.

I got to go.

I have 25 people waiting on me too.

Okay.

You know, the kids. I was making a...

-It's just two more days, Nate. -Okay. Yep.

-Okay? I love you. -Two more days.

Uh... Yep. All right. All right. I love you.

All right. I'm headed out!

Your mom is back from the cruise.

This is the first time I've seen you awake

since you got here.

Well, I'm glad I could help.

Now, you just call me if you need anything.

I... I couldn't find Katie.

Tell her I said goodbye. Okay?

Really?

Get me a home-cooked meal.

Ladies, I think we know why we're here.

We're getting a horse?

We're here to talk about towels.

Specifically, why am I carrying

100 pounds of towels up and down 40 steps all day, every day?

Hadley, how many towels you use a day?

-One. -Interesting. Okay.

Gracie, how many towels you use?

-One. -Also one.

-Sam? -I've never used a towel.

What? She doesn't even use a towel.

So our house is magically generating wet towels all day.

All right. We're not done talking about this.

Okay, how many towels do you actually use?

-Eight. -Eight?

Howdy, partner!

I hope you don't mind. We're a touch early.

I got to get to line dancing with the moms.

-What? -Moms' night out.

I wanted to do paint and sip, but, uh, I got outvoted.

What? You didn't cancel our sleepover?

No, I did cancel it. I pulled the Post-it off the calendar.

Okay, but did you call people's parents?

I don't even know your friends' names,

so how would I know who their parents are? You know.

There's Jane!

-There's another one? -Hey, Jane.

I don't know how to do a sleepover.

Your mom didn't leave me any notes on a sleepover.

It's a sleepover. I mean, it's not rocket science.

Just, uh, make them some popcorn and let them do your makeup.

Yes!

Go get him, girls.

-Oh, my God, yes! -You all have fun!

Three, two, one! Two, one!

-Oh! -What, Dad?

Stop it. This is...

Your mom does this?

Yeah. Have you ever seen her with nose hairs?

-All the time. -No, because I've never looked.

You should. It's very smooth.

Okay, guys, we're just going to go for it, okay?

Just one and done. And we got it. Okay?

-Okay. Ready? Go, Dad. Two, one! -Ready? Three, two, one!

-Oh! No, no, no. -What?

-You know, this is crazy. -Oh, my God!

-Come on! -You all are crazy.

-You're so annoying. -This is...

I'm going to live like this forever,

-and it'll just come out... -Right. Okay.

-When it comes out. -No. Stop.

Mr. Wilcox, let me just tell you something. Just right here.

Okay, between you and me, I do this all the time.

Yeah, but you don't have a forest up your nose, Jane.

-Wait, are you filming? -Here we go.

Uh, nope. Just looking something up.

And action!

I'm so sorry, Mr. Wilcox.

I've never had someone bleed like that before.

Jane, don't worry about it. I'm sorry I screamed so much.

It's okay. You'll get them next time!

Okay, okay.

-So embarrassing. -I know. It's bad.

Dude, did you get beat up?

Is it normal for a roofer to come inside

and work at night?

Yeah, it's normal for a good roofer.

Look, um... I'm not trying to snoop,

but while I was up there,

I heard some kids fighting through one of the bigger holes.

-Bigger holes? -Look, I...

I can't get into my process with you, Nate.

All right?

There is an interpersonal issue in your home.

Yeah, we're having a sleepover.

It's not just any sleepover, Nate! It's a girls' sleepover.

Look, I got five sisters. Girls do psychological damage.

You can repair a roof.

You can't repair the memory of a friend

telling you your eyes are too close together.

Seems quiet.

Calm before the storm.

When they get quiet, that's when they get mean.

Now, you need to get up there and give them a group activity

before they start splitting off and talking about each other.

No, no, I think you're overreacting.

Dear God, we're too late.

What do I do?

Well, get up there and stop this

before they're damaged for life.

I'm not the one that goes up there. Katie goes up there.

I stay down here and make ice cream sundaes,

and they come eat them once the crying stops.

Well, tonight, you're all out of Katie.

And ice cream.

I had to check your freezer... for roof reasons.

Stop, no, you're...

It has an "E" at the end.

Oh, my gosh!

You're so dramatic about this. All the time.

Hey, how's it going up here?

We can't be friends.

Whoa!

Let's take a deep breath.

Hadley, what happened?

The spelling bee!

What? I don't... The spelling bee happened?

No! The spelling bee is ruining our lives.

And tearing us apart.

It's all I think about.

I have blisters from my flashcards.

I can't hear a word without spelling it.

I-T. It.

And we realize that once the spelling bee happens,

only one of us will win.

And the rest of us won't be friends anymore

because we'll be so sad about losing.

Girls, that's what this is about?

Oh, my goodness.

Oh! Girls, girls,

do I have great news for you.

No one cares about a spelling bee.

-What? -What is he talking...

Look, I mean, yeah, it's fun to compete,

and it's fun to win. Sure.

But do I have any of my old spelling bee trophies

on my desk at work?

Dad, you've never won a spelling bee.

But even if I did, I wouldn't have them on my desk

because it would be kind of dumb.

We've been studying real hard, Mr. Wilcox.

That's great. That's wonderful.

But putting your self-worth into this contest...

is dumb.

-Dad, it's not... -Dumb?

Yes, it is.

I'll show you. Uh, give me a word to spell.

Fiduciary.

Never heard of that word.

No idea how to spell it. Do you all know how to spell it?

F-I-D-U-C-I-A-R-Y.

Look at that. You're already spelling better

than a grown man who owns a home.

It doesn't matter who gets the trophy. You're all winners.

And you're going to use your big spelling brains

to get big-paying jobs one day,

and you're going to be able to buy all...

-Okay, Dad, you can go. -Okay.

I'm so sorry.

-It's okay. -We can still be friends.

There's going to be so many spelling bees.

Girls' sleepover. Pretty easy.

Sam.

Why are you wet?

I had to make my horse leave.

You don't have a horse.

Not anymore.

She was drinking out of my fish tank.

Wait, were you drinking water

out of your fish tank?

I feel better now.

I don't know how Katie does it.

Pick them up. Drop them off. Pick them up again.

Never get time to myself.

Every time I go to the bathroom,

Sam talks to me through the door.

I get no sleep.

Spotify just keeps recommending mommy podcasts to me.

My feet hurt. My back hurts.

My jeans don't fit right, and look at me.

I'm stuffing my face.

I'm not even hungry, and I'm just pounding away.

I'm not cut out for this life, Peter. I'm no Conor Ashford.

I'm a Toyota salesman.

And what is a salesman if he doesn't sell?

You remind me of my dad.

What's he like?

I don't know. I haven't seen him in 10 years.

-Oh. -But right before he snapped

and left me at that Chuck E. Cheese ball pit,

his face looked exactly like yours does right now.

-Thanks, Peter. -You're welcome.

Don't you got to deliver that stuff?

What's going to happen? They're going to fire me?

"Oh, no. I guess I have to sign up"

"with a new email address."

Whole company is run by a robot.

You want a donut?

No. I was embarrassed on national television by a donut.

Oh, dude, was that... That was you?

I love that video.

Holding a donut! Donut! Donut!

-Oh, dude, that's humiliating. -Oh.

Holding a donut. He's a bozo.

That's enough. Swipe it away.

And action!

Oh, dude, that's you too!

How did that get on there?

What are the odds? The algorithm must be listening to us.

Not bad.

-Mommy! -Hi, baby.

There she is. Hi.

Mom! Finally!

Hi, hi.

Hey! I was just preheating the oven.

I missed you guys!

Wow. Hi.

-Mm. -So glad you're back.

Mom, since you left,

-our clothes smell different. -Different, like, bad?

They smell like you.

Sounds like a good thing to me.

Well, my skin type has changed from combination to oily

because we eat pizza every night for dinner.

We don't only eat pizza.

In fact, tonight,

I'm cooking lasagne. Yes, excuse me.

Great. More carbs.

Well, I've had a great time.

I need all-new makeup. I need all-new skincare.

-We will talk about all of that. -Redone.

Can I just... Can I bring my bags upstairs?

I have souvenirs for you guys.

Souvenirs! Where is it?

Now, you're excited.

-Where is it? -Stop it. You're hogging it.

Now, you remind me of my mom.

All right, dude. Just give me the lasagne.

Check it all out. Thank you.

I mean, I thought it was going to go well,

but it is going so well.

We already have distribution.

I mean, Lori thinks I'm going to be her next Scrub Daddy.

Yeah. I mean, I don't know what that means,

but it sounds cool.

Golly!

-You okay? -Uh... Yeah.

Nah, I'm fine. It ha... It happens all the time.

Does it?

Yes, it does.

Who's calling me?

Oh.

-It's Lori. -Ah.

Hi, Lori. Uh-huh.

Yes.

No way!

They're fast-tracking the Star Minder

to come out at the end of the month.

-Oh, my God! That's amazing. -Mom, that's amazing! Good job.

Mm-hm.

Okay.

Oh.

Two more weeks?

What?

Really? I just got home with my family.

-What? -No. No, no. I...

I understand.

I'm sorry.

Of course. Yeah, I know.

Just have your assistant send me the... the flight info,

and I'll see you tomorrow.

Okay. Bye.

-Are you leaving again? -What? Mom?

-But you just got back. -I know.

I mean, you just got back.

We gave you a big "just got back" hug.

We wouldn't have done that big of a hug

if we knew you were just stopping by.

I don't want to leave, you guys.

I really don't. I just... I have to. And it...

It's only San Francisco this time.

And just for two more weeks.

Is it, though? You know...

You don't know what it's been like for these past two weeks

for all of us, so...

I know it's hard.

It's really hard for me, too.

But this is a big opportunity.

You guys, this has the potential to change all of our lives.

But what if our lives were fine before?

Oh! Oh! Dad!

Come on, Dad. Come on! Dad!

-I got it, I got it. -Dad.

-Everything's fine. -It's so loud.

Everything's fine.

Everything's fine. Everything's fine.

All right.

Everything's fine. All right.

Look, uh...

We'll figure it out, all right? It's great.

-Thank you. -It is great.

Yeah, it is. It really is.

And you know what?

I picked up something in Korea

that I think could help make things

run a little smoother around here.

Wow!

A digital calendar.

This is the command center of the future.

Oh, that's great. That's great.

Oh. And this is the best part.

-Isn't it cute? -Aw.

Calendar cat!

Yeah, and now I can run the calendar

-from anywhere in the world. -So cool.

I can send you daily notes

and post healthy recipes, extra to-dos.

You're gonna love it.

Thank you.

I guess we're on our own now.

Three orphans.

That's not coming out.

Oh, my...

You're... You're not washing our clothes.

Hadley, why are you down here?

-Gracie! Sam! Get down here! -Stop it right now.

-Do not call them. -Get down here. Right now!

Do not come down! Do not come down!

Dad is spraying our clothes with perfume

and then putting them back dirty.

That's why I smell like Mom?

-No, no. -I don't get it.

You're constantly down here doing laundry.

Yeah, because I'm constantly doing towels!

Do you see that? Look at it.

It doesn't stop. Your mom said I do towels first,

and I can never get to second.

What's going on?

-Dad's not washing our clothes. -All right.

All right. That's it.

Let's state the obvious.

-You're a monster. -You made us gross.

Your mom's system isn't working.

-It works for Mom. -Yes, because Mom is Mom,

and I'm not Mom, all right?

I thought I could be for a few weeks.

I tell you, I almost did it.

-No, you didn't. -I said, "Almost."

Not even close.

There were moments that were pretty good.

-I saw you crying in a closet. -Look, anyway,

Mom's system worked for your mom.

And when this was temporary, I thought, I'll just be her.

But clearly, it's not. So we need a new plan.

A new era has to start.

A Dad era!

This sounds like a terrible idea.

Calendar cat!

Can you do that?

Yeah, because it's my era.

But how will you remember our schedules?

Uh, a little thing called "you tell me, and I remember."

And if I forget, you tell me again.

The "Dad era" is about teamwork.

If we work together, you will get what you want,

and I will get what I want.

Which is going back to doing what I do best, selling cars.

Why can we not have our cake and eat it, too?

So let's talk about it.

What are the things that we need to get through this?

I want a horse.

That can't be one of the things.

What about food? We don't have a single fruit

or vegetable in the entire house.

And toiletries. I had to shave my legs

last night with Country Crock.

-I love Country Crock. -I needed a Band-Aid,

and you said, "Just use tape."

Silverware drawer is filled with dry spaghetti.

Yeah. Well, tell me somewhere where dry spaghetti is not.

And we just found out that all our clothes are dirty.

-Yeah. -Okay.

I know where we need to go.

Yeah, the grocery store, the mall, the hardware store.

Just one place.

One magical place with fluorescent lights

that solves every problem you've ever had.

The hospital?

No. Even better.

Walmart!

I got cleaning supplies.

Gracie, toiletries, Hadley, food.

Let's be safe. Let's have fun. Walmart on three.

One, two, three.

Walmart!

Sorry!

Oh, I'll get two weeks of T-shirts

and two weeks of underwear.

What about socks?

Uh, socks are optional, but let's go nuts.

Okay.

What happens after two weeks?

Well, we throw all this out and start over.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

All right. Now that we are doing things my way,

we are going to run this like a top-notch dealership.

This is your incentive board.

The more chores you do, the more perks you get.

Yes.

Each of you will keep a maintenance log

to keep track of all the things you're running out of

and I will go get them.

Over here, this is the parts and accessories counter.

This is where we're going to keep hair ties

and stuff that I've been stepping on.

-That's fair. -That's a good idea.

Welcome to the Wilcox Family Dealership.

Now please go enjoy your sweet,

delicious, easy-to-clean breakfast.

And let's have a great day out there.

Mm.

Put on a pot of coffee.

The world's best salesman is back!

Nate, what are you doing here?

Uh, doing what I do best.

Living life my way and selling amazing vehicles.

Peyton.

Wait! He's back? He can't be back.

Well, what about your daughters?

Hey, does your wife know you're back?

Don't worry about my family. They're taken care of.

All right, you guys can choose the next song.

You know, my ex-wife said she didn't think

I had the skills to be a parent.

Can you believe that?

If she could only see me now.

-Aw. -Aw.

It's time to take out the towels.

Are these all turtlenecks?

In every color.

I know.

Look, you want to get Brian's attention,

this is how you do it. It isn't edgy clothes.

It's to dress conservatively.

Also, ignore him.

Maybe find a different route to class, even.

Maybe? All right.

Thanks, Dad.

-You're going to love it. -Mm-hm.

All right. Good to see you.

You are on fire, Nate.

That guy just came in to use the bathroom.

Put it on the board.

Here's to work-life balance.

Cheers.

Okay, it's just getting sad now.

Yeah, Sam's still kissing kids.

Am I crazy, or is $100 kind of cheap?

I mean, Cinnamon's like family to us, you know.

He's been with us forever.

He's a good boy, you know.

He's just not been the same since the incident that day.

I mean, you know, we're at the fairgrounds,

there's laughter, music.

He got a little out of control

-and things got kind of wild... -Fifty bucks and it's a deal.

-Okay. -All right.

Is that...

Yep. And as long as you promise

to stop kissing all the kids at school,

Cinnamon is yours.

I'm going to put all my kisses on Cinnamon.

Whoa, whoa.

Let's maybe wait a second. Don't make any big noises

and maybe just blow the kisses. Does that work?

-Thank you, Daddy. -You're welcome.

Wow.

Really?

She's not hugging and kissing anyone at school anymore?

That's great. I guess my bubble talk worked!

What? You can do that?

All right, yeah. All right. Bye.

Man.

Oh, my goodness.

You're not going to believe it. That was Sam's teacher

and they're talking about skipping her up a grade.

Wow. You should get us all horses.

Well, we don't have the land for that.

Dad, the toilet's clogged again.

Was it you?

Ew. No.

Well, that sounds like a Service Manager problem.

Who's the Service Manager?

I'm on it. This gets me a week's supply of cupcakes.

Attagirl.

Don't forget to put a car on the board.

Hey, feet up. Janitor's coming through.

Oh, by the way, what time is your, uh,

Salesman of the Year thing tomorrow?

Uh, all afternoon. Yeah. It's a big deal. Yeah. Man.

Okay, and what about Hadley's spelling bee?

Uh, it's afternoon too.

But I can do both.

So if you don't... Oh, look, she got stuck.

You mind kicking it?

Ah, there she goes. Huh?

Go put a car on the board

for yourself.

Your word is "duopoly."

Duopoly.

D-U-O-P-O-L-Y.

Duopoly.

That's correct.

Settle down.

Everybody, settle down.

Order!

Hi.

Our next competitor is Hadley Wilcox.

-Sir, please. -Sorry.

This is exciting.

Your word is "systematic."

Systematic.

You got this, Hadley!

-Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. -Sir, this is a spelling bee.

That's not...

It's not the vibe. I'm sorry. Sorry.

Systematic.

S-Y-S-T-E-M-

-A-T-I-C. -A-T-I-K.

Systematic.

-She got it wrong. -That's correct.

Oh, there we go! Hadley!

Come on, everybody!

Spelling is unpredictable, man.

-That was a wild ride. -Yeah.

That's not how I spell it.

Oh, looks like your boy abandoned you again, Dan, huh?

He's probably loading up Power Cards for his kids

at Dave & Buster's right now.

No, he wouldn't do that to me.

Just saying, he doesn't care about you or this place.

He never did.

He'll be here.

I-O-N.

-Cushion. -That's correct.

Hey. Psst. Psst.

How many rounds is this?

-How many rounds? -Yeah.

Well, they just keep going until there's only one kid left.

Have you not been to a spelling bee before?

They didn't have them when I was in school.

I think they had them.

I think maybe, just, you weren't in them.

Hey, I got to run to the bathroom.

-Will you watch my seat? -Watch it?

-Yeah, just make sure no one... -Hey, when you come back,

instead of sitting there, why don't you come up front,

sit next to your guy right here.

Uh...

I'll meet you in there.

You got a little something.

Wow. Whoa.

Never fear, your Salesman of the Year is here!

All right, Nate!

-That's my guy! -That's me. His guy.

This is awesome. I'm so excited.

Let's get going because I don't have a ton of time.

Where do you have to be that's more important than this?

Nowhere. I got nowhere to be!

I got nowhere to be. All right?

I'm just, like, excited.

-All right. -Chill. Bring it down.

I got to introduce you to the manager

of our Cool Springs dealership.

He's been dying to meet you.

All right, yeah. I can't wait.

-Let's go. -Yeah.

-Mike Vanderholden. -Hey.

Is it true

-that you know Mr. Wonderful? -Huh?

Yeah, I was telling him how you were on Shark Tank.

Man, you got to give me his number.

I have a killer invention that I need to pitch to him.

Yeah, I don't... I... I don't really know them.

I was on one episode.

Listen, don't hold out on me.

I'm gonna give you a piece of the pie, my man.

I don't want a piece.

Judicious.

I'm sorry but that is incorrect.

Let me get your Linkedln, then,

and I'll just find the sharks through that.

You're going to find the sharks through Linkedln.

I don't have... I don't have Linkedln.

I thought you said this guy was cool, man.

-All right. -Yeah.

-Dan, can we get this going? -Yeah.

-Hey, uh, one second. Hey. -Yeah, no problem.

You're acting crazy right now. Okay?

So I just want to check in.

I'm just excited about the speech.

I just want to do the speech.

I don't want to forget it, you know?

Great.

-Good, good, good. -All right.

I'm so sorry, but that is incorrect.

And with that, we are down to our final two contestants.

First up...

Hadley Wilcox.

Your word is "diphtheria."

Uh...

Can you please repeat the word?

Diphtheria.

Diphtheria.

There it is.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I don't have a lot of time, so I'm going to make this quick.

Uh, a lot of people want to say that dads can't have it all,

and I'm here to say that's not true.

Yes!

Look, it's amazing to win Salesman of the Year, it is.

But the real prize will be when I go home,

and I open that front door,

and I hold up these tickets

and see the looks on my kids' faces!

Uh, all right. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Wow. Isn't he the best?

Now, this, uh, this vehicle is for sale.

-What happened? -I lost, Dad.

And you would have known that if you hadn't left me

in the middle of the competition.

I was going to come back.

-I thought I could make it... -Well, you didn't! You didn't.

Hadley, it's going to be okay.

There's going to be other spelling bees...

I don't even care that I didn't win!

I just wanted you to be there.

You told me not to put all my self-worth

into a dumb contest,

but look at where you are right now.

I just want to go home.

Please, just take me home.

Okay. All right. Let's go home. Where's Gracie?

She had study group after school today.

Why do I know that and you don't?

Yeah. What happened to "you tell me, and I'll remember"?

Come on! Let's go set up karaoke.

Hey, come on!

Your kids will still be mad at you later!

Looks like they're having some fun.

You know these kids?

Are you kidding?

What is happening?

Hey, Nate. What's up?

Throwing yourself a little birthday party?

What?

Go upstairs. Go upstairs.

-Gracie! -Dad?

You're supposed to be at your

work party for, like, another hour.

-What are you doing? -My bad.

Am I ruining your "study group"?

And what are you doing here? She's wearing a turtleneck.

Turtlenecks are fire.

What?

Oh, my God. So embarrassing.

Gracie!

Gracie.

Gracie! Hey!

We need to talk about this.

You're not supposed to be at home alone with boys.

That's not what the "Dad era" is about.

It is not about lying.

No. It's about keeping us busy with shortcuts

so you can keep doing whatever you want!

And, by the way, it is about lying,

because Mom doesn't even know you went back to work!

Gracie, that doesn't even...

Yeah. I'm going to slam my door now.

Nate, you need to come outside.

-Not right now. -No, right now!

What?

And bring a shovel.

Poor fella.

Oh, my gosh.

What am I going to do?

I can't let Sam see this.

Let's pull it over by the neighbor's trash can.

Trash day's tomorrow.

Pretty sure tomorrow is recycling...

-Just grab a hoof! -Grabbing a hoof.

It's alive!

Whoa, whoa! It's alive!

Down, down! Down! Be bigger than him!

Easy! Whoa!

-Not in there! Not in there! -No!

Oh, my God! What?

Oh, shoot, we gotta go.

Watch out!

Oh, my God. We have to run.

Move, move, move.

Oh, my gosh!

Hey, come on, Cinnamon.

Oh, no.

Dad, what's happening?

Well, the horse was lying down,

dead in the back and now it's alive!

Dad, horses sleep laying down.

Cinnamon, come here.

It's okay. Come here.

Good job.

-Give me that. -Hey.

Hey, Cinnamon. I got some pizza.

Come here, Cinnamon.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Oh, no!

I can fix that.

Hey. Hey, Cinnamon.

-Come here. Here we go. -No! Dad! He'll run away!

-Watch out. -Come on.

Stop. Stop! No!

No! No! No!

Cinnamon, stop!

I'm sorry, Sam.

Dad, look out! Whoa!

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

It's okay. It's all right.

Horses, right?

I can fix this.

-Hey, honey. -Hey, hon.

I have fantastic news.

So Lori was able to move a few things around

in her schedule,

and she will be with me tomorrow

for the live stream from the house.

Live stream? At our house?

Yeah.

Lori thought it would be the best place to do it

because it's where the original Star Minder was built.

It's all in the calendar.

Yeah, I saw it.

Just, tomorrow snuck up on me real fast.

Okay.

You finally get what my life is like.

Oh, um, just make sure to do a quick vacuum,

because we land around noon.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'll... that'll help.

And babe, thank you so much

for staying home this last month

and taking care of the house.

I could not have done any of this without you.

I love you so much.

I love you, too.

-Okay, bye. -Yeah.

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

Little late, calendar.

I just thought everyone could get what they wanted.

No. You thought you could get what you wanted.

God, man...

Yeah, look at this. I don't even...

Oh, no.

I need to fix this.

I just don't know where to start.

Then start there.

Hey, you think I know how I'm going to fix your roof?

I hope so.

Well, I don't.

But you know what?

I'm going to keep showing up.

And yeah, it's going to take forever.

And it'll be super hard and cost a ton,

and I might fail.

But sometimes we have to do the difficult things

for the ones we love.

I love you, too?

Hey, this is fun, huh?

A little camp out in the living room.

Roasting s'mores on an open flame.

-It's a space heater. -Okay.

The marshmallows are melting all over the carpet.

Oh, that doesn't matter.

This carpet's not going to stay.

None of this matters.

I mean, what matters is we're spending time together.

Dad, our house is wrecked.

I don't have a bedroom.

Yeah. It's bad.

I mean, it's the most bad. Okay?

But we're going to get through this.

Like families do. Right?

Hey, look, I... I know what this needs.

-It needs a campfire story. -Space heater story.

Okay. A space heater story.

And this one's true. All right?

This happened a long time ago.

So there was this house in the mountains.

And this family is sitting in the living room.

And they look out the window and they see a bear.

Just a cute bear.

And they're excited.

Except that every time it gets a little closer,

the bear gets bigger.

And bigger, and bigger, and bigger.

And then that's when they realize this is not a cute bear.

This is a grizzly bear.

And then it comes inside the house

and starts tearing everything apart.

I mean, it's way worse than a horse could do.

And so it's going through and it's tearing stuff apart.

-The family's trapped. -Did everyone live?

What? Yeah... Oh.

Yes. Yeah. No. Come here.

Yes. Yes. No.

Everyone lived. You know, everyone.

No one lived.

There's no way they could have lived.

-A bear got... -I heard that.

How did you hear it?

How did you hear it?

I'm... All right.

I knew that wasn't a real story.

You're right.

It wasn't.

Can I just tell you...

that you girls are awesome?

And I am so sorry for pretty much messing up everything.

What do you mean? You got me a horse.

Yeah.

But that's because I didn't talk

about personal space and bubbles.

What?

Yeah, we got to figure that out.

Hadley, aw, man,

I should've never left that spelling bee.

It was, as you would say,

I-N-X...

Are you trying to spell "inexcusable"?

Yeah. Ah, you're so smart.

And Gracie,

I can't even be mad at you for throwing that party.

You shouldn't have done it.

But you were just following

the bad example that I was setting.

I'm not the dad I want to be. All right?

And the truth is it's because I've never worked at it.

Loving you three came just so easily, you know?

And I thought that was enough.

But it's not.

You got to put in work.

And it's real work.

Your mom's always known that.

She's going to kill you.

Yeah.

Well...

Not if I can fix this.

How are you going to do that?

I'm a salesman.

I'll sell.

I'm going to sell harder

than I've ever sold in my entire life.

-Hey. -What do you want?

I got a big favor to ask.

I'm kind of in a tough spot.

Uh, I know we haven't seen eye-to-eye at work all the time,

and, uh, I do respect you,

and you might not think I respect you

by all the things that I've said at work.

But disrespect is respect.

It's the same word.

It's just got the "dis" in front of it.

But the "dis" is, if you take it away...

Huh? We got...

It's all respect. And that's, uh...

What do you need?

I need to borrow your house. Just for tomorrow.

And in exchange,

I'm willing to give you my Titan tickets.

Really?

Yeah.

Wow.

Honestly, I never thought I'd see the day.

You know, Nate, I know how hard it was for you

to work up the courage to say that.

I saw you practicing on my Ring camera.

It takes a real man to ask for help.

That kind of honesty, that kind of vulnerability,

it's inspiring, man. It really is.

Thank you.

I want to help you.

That's such a relief, man.

Psych!

Come on, man. Don't close the blinds on me.

Come on!

Peyton, I need those tickets.

Peyton!

I need to use your house.

What?

I don't have time to explain, dude.

Just consider it payback

for when you used mine as a kids' hotel.

I... I'm sorry. You mean the sleepover?

Let's not get caught up in the details, all right?

Do you realize how awful you've been to me?

You... you haven't responded to a single text message

that I've sent you.

I invited you to play disc golf again. Nothing.

Goat yoga, no response.

So no, you don't get to use the house.

-What? -There's no house.

-What? Hey, hey. -Yeah.

I'm sorry.

What?

I want to hang out.

You know, we're two stay-at-home dads.

We have more in common than I even realize.

You're serious?

Completely.

Because none of the other dads have ever hung out with me.

I bet they haven't...

but I'm... I'm not the other dads.

Can I shake your hand?

Sure, I guess. Uh...

That feels good.

Oh, no.

Oh. Oh, God.

I'm going to let you use the house.

Oh. Thank you, buddy.

Oh, man.

All right, everybody.

The challenge ahead of us is simple.

We have to make this house look like our house

so Mom's live stream goes off without a hitch.

Dad! Wake up.

I was listening. I just had my eyes closed.

Why are you here? I texted Mom to come.

Well, she sent me. Said maybe I'd learn something.

Whatever that means.

Okay.

My plan is five simple steps

that require perfect cooperation.

Step one, interception.

We have to make sure

the car that picks up Mom and Lori from the airport

is a car that we control.

Would either of you ladies care for a pistachio?

Step two, misdirection.

We need to divert the live stream camera crew

and send them here.

You're looking for the Wilcoxes?

Well, they moved, but I can give you the address.

Step three, deception.

Conor's house needs to look like we live in it,

which means our photos, our things,

and our general level of messiness.

Step four, affection.

And this is crucial, girls.

I need you to lay it on thick for these cameras.

I will keep comfortable eye contact.

And by the end of the live stream,

we will reach step five.

Happily ever after.

Mom will come home,

see what we've all done to help make her dreams come true.

And everything will be okay.

The Star Minder will be a huge hit...

Wait, why am I there?

What? What?

Maybe that was just in my imagination.

-Never mind. -Okay. I think we got it.

Let's go!

All right, folks, welcome to Nashville.

We should have you all to the gate anytime now.

There's a little bit of congestion over at the runway,

but good news, we've got you in a little bit early today.

-Oh. -I'm gonna text the driver

-and let him know. -Great.

All right. Everybody's doing great!

Ugh, is this going to be on camera?

Look at my hair, Dad.

That's... That's disgusting.

-That's gross. -Less talky, more hammering!

-All right! -Where did you even

-find this picture from? -We're doing great!

It's not even in one of the main rooms of our house.

Did you go out of the way...

Does it look too nice in here?

I mean, for you.

Uh, you know what? You're right.

Hey, Conor, you got any dry spaghetti

we can throw on the floor?

Why is she putting new holes in the wall

instead of using the old holes?

Oh, buddy, we're way past that.

Where are the Star Minders?

Shoot. I need to run home.

Peter!

Dad, did you get them?

The flight got in early. What? It arrived early?

They were early!

And I got confused at the airport.

I went to Departures

because I thought that's where people leave in the airport.

By the time I circled back around,

they were getting in a car and driving off.

Dad, they're going to our house.

You have to stop them.

I'm going to cut them off.

No, don't cut them off.

Just wait till they get to the light or something.

Can't hear you, son.

Too busy saving the day!

People here drive crazy.

All right. I'm going to stop them.

If this goes wrong...

I love you, son.

-You love me? -Aw.

Dad, this is not that important! Don't do this!

Dad!

Dad! Are you okay?

Dad?

Nah, it's all good. I'll see you at the house.

Dad? Wait. What are you...

Walter?

Katie!

-What are the odds? -Uh...

I... I don't even...

-You know this man? -Yeah, this is my father-in-law.

Why... why did you cut us off?

Katie, actually, in an accident,

it's the driver in the back who's always at fault.

That's what you get for tailgating.

Uh... - So, um, you're home.

Yeah, we were on our way to the house now, and...

Oh. Well, that's where I'm headed.

Come on, let me give you a ride.

No, I don't think we should leave the scene of an accident.

Well, it was your car that was in the accident.

I mean, my car is just fine.

All right. Stay right here. I'll be right back.

Yes. Yeah.

What...

Hey, Nate. What's up, man?

-Where are you? -Oh, sorry.

I got a ride request,

and Bonnaroo tix go on sale this weekend,

-so had to make a little money. -What?

-Dude, seriously? -Shh.

-I'm on the phone. -I need a ride right now, dude.

Peter? I need a ride now!

Peter!

Yeah! Come on! Yeah!

Sorry!

I don't think he knows about lights!

"And it was on that day that the Star Minder was born."

Conceived...

Lakewood Springs?

Wait, Walter, this is not where we...

Park? I know.

We always park in the driveway. Just where it's always been.

I mean, how long have you been gone?

Ah, Nate, he has done such a great job.

You should've seen how he's redecorated the house.

It's been a little surprising, but you're going to love it.

All right, ladies.

Here we are. Mission accomplished.

Don't be nervous.

Listen, if we sell 5,000 units today,

you're going to be in stores by the end of the month.

And if not,

well, it's really about the memories

we've made along the way.

Okay, ladies.

-Let me give you a hand there. -Thank you.

You're welcome, Mrs. Shark.

Walter, what is going on?

Uh, don't worry. Nate will explain everything.

-Great. And where is Nate? -Mm-hm.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Coming in hot!

Look out! We don't know how to stop!

-Oh. -Oh, Nate! Oh, my...

Nate!

Oh, my gosh! Are you okay?

I am. Welcome home.

Welcome home?

Whose horse is that?

Why are we at Conor's house?

God, I had to make a deal with him.

Let's just say our house isn't exactly camera-ready.

Oh, no, no, no, no. Let's... let's say more than that.

I'd really rather not.

So let's just go inside and do the live stream.

No, no, Nate, what happened to our house?

Okay, fine.

-I went back to work. -You what?

And then I bought Sam a horse.

You bought her a horse?

Because she was hugging and kissing the kids at school

and I had to buy her a horse.

And then the horse was, I thought, died.

But horses lay down, apparently, to sleep.

I found out that... I didn't know that.

And then the horse tore the house up.

It just kicked everything. It just tore everything down.

Are the kids okay?

No, the kids are fine. The kids are fine.

It's the roof. The roof collapsed.

-Our roof collapsed? -But that's a separate...

That's not even involving the horse. It just collapsed.

And, so, there's a great chance that I...

yeah, I ruined our lives.

Katie. You ready?

Yeah. Yeah. Could you give me a quick second?

Okay.

Nate, how could you do this?

I... I gave you so many chances to tell me

how things were actually going,

and you continually lied to me.

Did you just think I wasn't going to find out?

No. Listen, you got to trust me.

I am not going to let your dream die out here

in Conor Ashford's dumb bushes!

You just need to go inside. Please, just, let's go inside...

and let me show you what me and the kids did for you. Okay?

I'm going to go inside...

but we're not done.

I know.

Okay.

Let's do this.

I think that worked.

You look really familiar. Where, uh, where do I know you from?

I'm on Shark Tank.

No, that's not it.

Hm. Hi, everyone.

Mom! Mommy!

Hi, my babies. I missed you guys.

Hi.

Wow.

What?

Uh, she's just surprised I didn't destroy the house

while she was out of town, you know?

Well, it looks like we're all here.

Let's get this live stream going. Come on.

Okay.

So this is where the Star Minder was born.

Yes, that's right.

I was sitting here in my favorite chair,

looking around, you know, at my favorite...

uh, my favorite chimney.

I just, I remember thinking

there has to be a better way to get organized.

-Exactly. -Yeah.

And what do you ladies feel about your mom's invention?

I use it every day. It really helps with homework.

It helps me remember to keep my hands to myself.

So good.

It helps me remember to dress appropriately for school.

That's great.

Oh, wow. Katie, the live stream is loving this!

Yeah? - Yeah, it's so good!

Three poised daughters,

and a husband who, I have to say, is incredibly good at...

Maintaining comfortable eye contact?

-Exactly. -Yes.

Well, I'm a Toyota salesman, best in the region, but...

-So great! -What is this?

Conor, what are these people doing in my house?

Are you kidding me? Dude, you didn't tell her?

I thought you'd be done by now. She's going to kill me.

Why did she say this is her house?

Because this is my house, doll face. This is my house.

What is happening?

Listen, delay the live stream!

-Nate... -Dad, it's live.

All right. Edit that part out. Edit all of that out.

Sorry. Lori. Uh...

This isn't our house.

-I... I can't lie, Nate. -I can, though.

Hi. This is our house.

Nate. No, no. It's done.

It's over. It's...

All right.

Oh, man.

It's not your house?

It's not.

It's not. I'm sorry.

Listen...

-Shark... -Just Lori is good.

The truth is, uh, our house is an unlivable mess right now.

I thought I could do what you do.

You make it look so easy,

but it's not. It's so hard.

I mean, so, so hard.

Preach.

I guess I've always done things the easy way.

These last 12 hours, though,

have been the hardest I've ever worked in my entire life.

I even gave away the Titan tickets

I won just to fix all this.

You gave away your tickets?

I... I don't deserve them. You know?

I thought being the breadwinner was all I had to offer.

But spending this last month at home with the girls,

I mean, it was better than

all the tickets in the world.

The funny thing is...

me trying to be a version of you

and failing at it so bad

actually, I think made me

a better version of me, you know?

Jeez, I'm going to go call my ex-wife.

Uh...

You know what? You'll like this.

I even used the Star Minder

to put this whole crazy thing together.

Because even a dad like myself

can use the Star Minder to hatch a crazy plan.

But listen, I don't want to be the one to tell you that.

Let's hear it from my beautiful, brilliant wife, Katie.

You explain it to them.

Okay. Uh, yes.

If you will follow me this way, I will show you the Star Minder.

Man, the live stream is going nuts.

Hey. You did it. You did it.

Come here. Come...

I cannot believe. I'm so happy.

I'm so proud of you all.

Man, look at us.

We ended up getting that happy ending after all.

It didn't take quite as long as

it took Keegan to fix our roof,

but I got the inside of the house looking,

you know, pretty good.

Are you sure I can't help?

No. I told you I got this.

Permission to enter your bubble?

Always. Here.

You want to help me paint?

-Yeah. -Come on. All right.

So you start there.

There you go. Go up and down.

And we even let Keegan put up a sign to get more work.

I mean, he hasn't got more work.

And, you know, I don't... We don't expect it,

but we put that sign up.

I also left Toyota to run sales at Star Minder Inc.

Now, I'm Katie's number one guy.

I mean, I was before, too.

Uh, I mean, you get it.

We finally found the right work-life balance.

We're in this together now,

which is how families should be.

Sam.

Candy! Give me! Give me! Give me!

Please make it last past the second quarter.

Hadley, vegetables.

Are you sure you don't want fries?

N-O.

Popcorn for Gracie...

-and Brian. -Thanks, Dad.

Thanks, Mr. Wilcox.

-Appreciate it. -Yeah.

Okay, babe.

So Hadley has practice

for her spelling bee regionals next Tuesday.

And Sam has a ride with Cinnamon.

I mean, I could do Hadley if you want to do...

No. No, I've learned my lesson.

I'm not missing anything spelling-related ever again.

Unless it's a word I don't know,

which is a lot of words,

-you know. -Perfect.

Ladies and gentlemen,

please turn your attention

-to the Jumbotron. -Oh.

And give a warm welcome

to West Corners'.

-Toyota Salesman of the Year... -Oh.

-Here we go. -Mm.

Peyton Mahar!

Yeah, he deserves it.

I guess the pecs do bring in the checks.

You're my Salesman of the Year.

I'm your only salesman.

Also, attending today's game,

a local inventor and entrepreneur,

recently featured on Shark Tank.

There's more than one way to get on the 'tron.

What?

Please give it up for the inventor

of the Star Minder,

Katie Wilcox!

That's my mom!

Welcome to the stage, Nate Bargatze!

My daddy, Nate Bargatze!

-Kisses for everybody! -Stop! No, ew! Dad, stop!

I love having a girl. A girl world

is the only world that I know.

She's gonna be 45 and I'll be like,

"Just let us live with you."

"Let us."

We hired a contractor. And being a contractor,

that's a great job to have.

Because you can just ruin someone's life and leave.

Oh, heads up! Heads up!

If we hire someone to do something to our house,

I promise he does not do that job full time.

Hey, honey. Everything's fine. Yeah,

it was just... our front door camera.

False alarm.

Animals that were running around.

Horse. Horses.

Skunk. Aardvark. Um, king cobra.

-Ocelots. Ankles, ankles. -What? No.

Uh, squirrels. It was squirrels. Squirrels are running.

It's mating season right now, so...

It's not mating season.

You need to get up there, and give them a group activity.

Sorry.

We take our trash out... uh, one of the days.

I don't know the day, but it's a day.

Wait, it's trash day!

I know we forgot to take it out a couple weeks ago.

That stress could break up a family.

Wait! Wait!

All week was like, "Everybody, eat out of your hands."

"Put your trash in your pockets,"

"take it to your homes."

You don't have to do this.

It's too hot for me, sorry.

It's too hot for me.

They have, like, free-range chicken

and then they have, like, not free-range.

But free-range chicken, that's allowed to roam free.

Obviously, not at the store. It's dead at the store.

But they still have a list of its hobbies on the package.

My wife asked me to get eggs. This is insane.

I did the milk earlier and I blacked out.

I can't do eggs too.

I learned that horses lay down to sleep.

I did not know that.

-It's alive! -Whoa, whoa!

Like, man, I bet you don't think

about that when you buy a horse.

That's a huge thing dying in your yard.

You can't just scoot it off into the woods with your foot.

Hey! Stop!

Pst, pst, pst. Hey-yah!

I get in front and I was like,

"Uh, I'll take an iced coffee with cream."

She goes, "With cream?" And I go, "With cream."

She said it one more time. She said,

"So iced coffee with cream?"

And at that point, I should have said,

"What's going on right now?"

Before I could get it,

she's walked back with a can of whipped cream.

And I look down

and she starts spraying the whipped cream

on top of my iced coffee.

I'm like, "That's what you thought I said over there?"

"You don't think I would have said,"

"'Iced coffee with whipped cream'?"

"You think I'm just some nutjob?"

You said you were gonna give me more.

You'll get it, you'll get it.

We were the breadwinners.

Cut.

All right, thank you guys so much for coming out to this.

It means the absolute world.

I mean, one of the best crowds I've ever been in front of.

Thank... I can't thank you enough.

-There's my guy! -Whoo!

I can't thank you enough. You were unbelievable.

Thank you so much!