Original subtitles

To my favorite barmaid, who's most beautiful and charming.

I'm so beautiful and charming.

How's it you never asked me out?

Well, I prefer my women slightly older and a bit more experienced.

How old is it?

Well, I'm almost 20.

And as for experience, I was born with it.

20, is it? Now, that's a good age.

Old enough to pluck.

but not quite old enough to be matured.

Do these look matured enough?

You can take, but not tweak.

That is, not near.

If the rest of the package is as alluring as the sample... Why not walk

me out tonight?

And perhaps, mind you, just perhaps, you might find out.

Well, I might just do that.

We close in half an hour, and my dwellings are just next door, and only

two flights up.

But not tonight.

However, who knows what tomorrow night might bring, Liz.

Care for another off and off?

Yes.

It's midnight and all is well.

Right.

Now, forget that half and half.

However, Liz, old girl, you keep that merchandise in good condition.

He's got that look in his eye.

More's the pity it ain't for me.

Listen to this.

Midnight tonight, side door as usual.

Find Godiva.

Oh, ho, so that's the one.

Lady Godiva Beverly.

My sister was once a scullery maid at Lord Beverly's castle.

Lady Godiva?

Might be.

She's the one who takes after the one who wrote there back in a row together.

To the streets of Coventry.

Oh, she takes after her, all right, dearie. Only the bareback riding she

does is in her bed chamber.

It

took

you so long, darling.

Came upon the wings of Mercury the moment I received your note.

How about a little wine and some late supper?

Good. I'm finished, Godiva.

You always did have a good spread, Godiva.

Here's to you, darling.

And here's to you.

You know, I've always enjoyed eating with you, Godiva.

I'm well aware of your taste, Tommy.

Where's his lordship?

In Liverpool.

And the servants?

I gave them the night off.

But they crammed a piece which I expect will keep them entertained.

Yes, but not half as much as I expect to be entertained.

And there are great expectations for both of them.

Hard.

Yes, it is.

To the most beautiful and ravishing woman in all of England.

Nay, all the universe.

Even Liverpool.

I have an idea his lordship feels differently.

Yes, he seems to visit there quite often.

But not often enough.

No.

Not quite

often enough.

Ha ha ha ha ha

It's time to ride again.

Oh.

Thank you.

Thank you.

To his Lordship's next journey to Liverpool.

You filthy mutt!

You goddamn bastard!

My sister Edie is a little dumb, I think.

That's a fine way to talk about your sister.

She's going to America.

America? Yeah, to marry some bloke that she's never seen.

Sounds horrible.

All right, girls, cut the gap. Give us another wet one.

Off and off.

Two ladies happen to know a patron named Tom.

He drops in on occasions.

Do you know his last name?

No, just Tom.

That's too bad.

But if he comes in again, get in touch with me.

I'm Inspector Willows.

You'll be doing the police a great favor.

He's wanted by the police?

What for?

In connection with the shooting of Lord Benedict.

His lurch has been done in.

No, but quite seriously wounded.

We've arrested her ladyship on charges of attempted murder and adultery.

Well, it looks like Tom Jones has gotten himself into an ugly mess.

Not half as bad as the one her ladyship is in.

Well, if this Inspector Willows thinks I'm going to be a tattler, he's bloody

mistaken.

I have no doubts that Tom will ever drop in again.

And we were hitting it off so nicely, too.

You know, Effie, maybe your sister isn't as daft as you think.

I was going to America to be wedded.

You have to take pot luck, you know.

What's in a pot for a London barmaid?

Take a look.

Hackies, clerks, and chimney sweeps.

Come on, Liz. Give us another one.

I've made up my mind.

I'm going like Edie did.

Fight and get the chance.

That's no problem. You have all the qualifications.

You're under 25, shapely.

And they tell me that virginity ain't required.

Ain't you a smug one.

But you laugh out of the other side of your mouth. Why get a rich gold miner?

About 60 with a bad cough.

And when he passes on, I'll come back to London and be a lady.

And engage you as we made.

So I understand you both want to go to America.

To America.

And you're under 25?

Good.

But there are a few other requirements.

I have orders to choose girls that are hand-picked.

I don't mind as long as it's hands-off.

They'll both do nicely.

For men.

But they're not my type.

Sign them up.

But we're only 19 so far.

20, Blanche, darling.

You're going with me.

Lady Godiva Beverly, you have heard the verdict of a jury of your peers.

Guilty. On all counts.

Are you prepared to hear your sentence?

You are hereby sentenced to be incarcerated in jail 30 days and then

hanged by the neck until dead.

Said hanging to take place in the public square at high noon as an example to all

those who might have a desire to commit the same crime as yourself.

May the Lord... Have mercy on your soul.

It was terrible when the judge pronounced the sentence.

The poor lady fainted dead away.

What a pity.

I'm just too, I'd say.

Live, look who's coming.

What are you doing here, you paramour?

The word is paramour.

There are other words for the likes of you, too.

I seem to feel an air of hostility in this usually friendly little tavern.

And why not?

You didn't even show up for the trial in defense of a ladyship.

It would have prevented me in helping the diver.

How can you help him?

Then I'll walk you to your lodgings and I'll explain the whole plan.

Oh, but don't you forget.

You'll mind your manners.

After all...

I'm engaged to a rich girl's mother.

Keep them mindless.

Virginity was not a necessity.

A visitor to see your ladyship.

Mr. Jones.

Arranged to have some of your gowns sent over from the castle.

Oh, how thoughtful.

I wouldn't want to be caught dead in this outfit.

I'll give you ten minutes.

Who are you?

It doesn't matter now.

I'm here to help you.

Don't swallow any of this. But pretend if you have to.

What is it?

Brandy. With a little potion.

We use it in the tavern.

Every now and then when the customers get a bit nasty.

Now listen closely, milady.

Here's the plan.

Don't go.

I want your opinion.

My opinion, ma'am?

Yes, I think a man's opinion is more frank than a lady's.

And you are a man, aren't you?

Well, I hope so, ma'am.

Good. I want to look my best for the hanging.

By the way, what's your name?

Hawkins, ma'am.

Elwood Hawkins.

It's a pleasure, Mr. Hawkins.

Have a drink, Mr. Hawkins.

Randy makes you warm.

And it makes you hot.

Let's take off your vest.

How do you like it?

You're beautiful, ma'am.

I'm more beautiful with it off, don't you agree?

I'm not one to argue.

I only have a few days to live.

And I'd like to live them to the hilt.

I feel the same way.

Good.

We can have a wonderful time.

Till death.

Do us part.

Time is precious.

Let's don't waste it.

I don't feel well.

Oh, does this feel good.

How does it look?

Magnificent. Much better than I thought it would.

You want to hand my towel to me?

It's finished.

What is this mess anyway?

Well, not staying in that black.

A few washings will get rid of it.

How about the woman?

Who's there?

Tom. Tom Jones.

What is arranged?

Your boat sails at high tide.

Here's your bill of passage, made out to Edie Tipton.

Edie Tipton?

How did you get her papers?

I had to pay her 100 pounds for it. She was nice enough to throw in a few of

your old gowns and jewels for good measure.

Edie was always my favorite.

I'm going to say goodbye to some of my friends.

With that black hair, no one will recognize you.

But may I say you look as ravishing to me as when you were a blonde.

Prove it.

I will.

And I'll take the next boat to America to meet you.

This is where we'll be in America.

And darling, don't forget me.

They might marry me off before you get there.

And maybe you might need something to remember.

with me boyfriends come eating.

I bet you've had a lot of them, too.

Well, why not?

I'm not a bad looker, you know. Okay.

Your name's Elizabeth Tibbs? Oh, it's Aspen.

I'm welcome to change it, shall we?

Right.

Fine looking lot of pleases, I'd say.

Yeah, the lads in America must be bloody hard up for females.

All the ladies are bold and fettled.

Aye, aye, sir.

Snug as a bug.

Good. Now, Mrs. Smythe, I want you to notify every man of the crew to keep

clear from the ladies.

The first man caught putting a fig on any of the ladies will be given 20

latches. But suppose one of the ladies wanders into the crew's quarters, except

Mrs. Smythe and their chopper on the scale of that.

Aye, aye, sir.

How did I do with my Cockney accent, Liz?

Not perfect, it was, Edie.

After all, I've had enough Cockney help, so it wasn't too much of a blooming

hardship.

Well, I brought along a bit of a special sleeper.

It may come in handy.

Blimey. I say the captain's orders is a ready damn shame.

Yeah, well, I'll wager after a month to see.

that the chickies will be desiring a little of male comfort.

Bloody well right they will. But it's for myself. I have no desire for the 20

lices. What's the matter with you, a coward?

I'm going to make a hot, passionate love the first time I get a chance.

Tony, I'll wager you a month's pay you'll never take that chance.

That's a bet.

I'm a no like you English.

I got the hot Latin of blood running through my hands.

Yeah, well, you better mind the captain's orders or that hot Latin.

Blood is going to be running through the scuppers.

Funny, ain't it?

That it could be so hot in here with all that cold water under it.

Hey, the lad up in the crow's nest has his glass pointed at him.

Well, the view east gets. It's probably hotter than we are.

Speak for yourself, mademoiselle.

I think I'll have myself a bit of a shower.

Sounds like a good idea.

Blimey, if I was married to a floozy like that, it'd be all right for me to

have everything wrong.

Blimey, if I was married to a floozy like that, it'd be all right for me to

leave home too.

What? Do you think Tom's got back your car? I can't.

This trip's getting rather dull.

Right, O'Ready?

Oh, about what I expected.

I miss the excitement of London.

Especially sailing before the hanging of Lady Breverley.

I was at the trial.

Really exciting, that was.

Watching the trollop faint dead away when the judge gave out with the

sentence.

I felt sorry for her.

Oh, you needn't feel too bad.

She escaped jail, I heard say.

I wasn't aware of that.

It's the God's truth.

A friend told me that his lordship put up quite a reward for her capture.

He sounds like a bit of a scoundrel.

But that's no concern of ours, I guess.

Well, a shower sounds like a blooming good idea.

I wouldn't take too many of them, E.D.

You know, that black hair of yours gets more faded with each one.

You might end up being a blonde and a spitting image of Lady Godada.

Good deciding lander on eight belts tomorrow.

I'd say we're making jolly good time, sir.

Right, Mrs. Mike.

So will everybody.

Fun, dancing, a bit of a grog for those who want it, but good behavior from one

and all. Let them understand that.

Aye, aye, sir.

Oh, I'm so glad I'm still alive.

Oh,

I'm so glad I'm still alive.

I'm so glad

I'm

still alive.

Well, I had a girl in Grand Park,

and children she had nine.

Well, I must have gone a little too far, because I learned that all was mine. All

was mine.

All was mine.

What's the matter, Matty?

What's the matter with you all?

Let's drink up.

That's enough, big guy.

Get back to your quarters.

It's a party.

It is an order.

It is to you. That's an order. Or you get turned to lackeys.

Aye, aye, Captain.

Yeah.

Take a hand, will you?

No use to take a chance.

He gets very nasty when he gets drunk.

And, uh, I'm no use to that. This thing's got the worst.

It's beautiful. Bring this to your house.

And now, Lassie, would you fill old Captain Figgs with a little good time?

How about a dance?

Hey, you beautiful.

Let's dance.

The Capitani's not here anymore.

Come on, everybody.

Let's have some real fun.

When the cat is asleep, the miser will play.

This place is so crowded.

Why don't you be a nicer girl, huh?

And go someplace with Tony where it is quiet.

Oh, I wish Tom were here.

You miss him, don't you?

Well, I could have fun, too, but after that Russian drum got so fresh, I'm not

in the mood for anything.

It was a bloody shame the captain had to drink the wine with a potion in it.

I didn't mean it for him.

I know, it is a shame.

I guess we might as well get out of heaven.

You be a nicer girl now and don't make a no noise.

You're not interested in a nice girl.

Different kind of nicer.

You be a nicer to Tony.

Tony be a nicer to you.

What kind of girl do you think I am?

I know how to think. I know.

In that case, what's your offer?

We no get a paid until we reach a port.

No deal.

I think different.

Hold out of your hand.

A black pearl.

I win it for me native in the South Sea.

It's a worth of 50 times more than you ever made it before.

It's beautiful.

And so are you.

You'll be a nicer to Tony.

And it's all of yours.

Ha ha ha ha

Thank you.

But she was dancing with that beautiful Sarah.

Thank you.

Ready for the big spectacle?

Not me.

Me either.

A flogging is not my form of entertainment.

It was a ready shame that Dora had to snitch to Captain Briggs.

If you want my opinion, it should be Blanche that's getting the flogging.

You're bloody well right.

Well, if all the men she's got have got the same treatment, half the men in

London would have scars on their backs.

Including Dora.

Don't you worry.

It was worth it.

Well, did you do it?

I was furious.

Sex is for sale, not for pleasure.

Especially in your case, when you don't need it.

Well, take a look at that.

You call that a blooming bauble?

A black pearl.

And worth 50 times more than any of your so-called English noblemen ever paid me.

Well, I'm glad to see that you haven't forgotten my training.

Well, don't expect any more favours after I'm married off.

Guess it's time to tell you.

You're not being married off.

But I thought this... Ken Kirby a girl stone was to be me spouse.

Ken Kirby owns the hotel and bar.

He paid for four girls.

Not for wives, but for entertainers.

So I'm taking you, Fifi, Liz, and Edie.

Liz and Edie? Hmm, they've no experience.

But I think I can teach them.

Edie's had the experience.

She's not really Edie Tipton.

She's not.

She's Lord Bethelie's wife, Lady Godiva.

What?

That's right.

It all came back to me from her trial.

She dyed her hair black, but the dye fades from the sun. And she looks just

like Godiva, even if she does call herself Edie.

Are you sure?

I'm positive.

Isn't that beautiful?

I imagine some fun-loving gold miners will pay quite a price for an affair

with a titled lady.

She isn't going to be easy to handle.

Well, I presume she'd rather have the company of a few gentlemen.

then be sent back to England for the delight of a hanging orient?

They just arrived here in Goldstone, some of the most beautiful damsels from

England.

Brought here for the express purpose of giving you entertainment, companionship,

and anything your heart desires.

If you got the price.

Now to celebrate this event, the Drake Serena House.

Welcome to Goldstone, Miss Williams. I'm Dan Kirby.

Miss Williams, I'm sure you've had a tiring journey.

Can you join me for a drink?

We have some very important business to discuss.

Who's in the gift bottle?

Did you explain the deals to the girls yet?

No, not yet.

You see, Colby, two of the girls are pros that I can depend upon.

And the other three, well, they took off up north.

And the other two, I'm afraid they're going to leave.

Persuasion. I'm a pretty good persuader, especially when I'm holding all the

aces. I wouldn't rush them too fast.

Oh, hello.

Care for a sample of my accent?

I really don't think I'm quite your type.

I'm sure of it.

Here you are.

Best mouse.

Thanks, John.

That Kirby's a great one for.

Setting up drinks for the whole house.

He done a better thing bringing those English dames over.

I hear an old friend of mine, sailor friend of mine, said that them English

dames are pretty cold.

Can't be as cold as that tick-ridden sheep of yours.

So, you better take that back.

All right, but she ain't tick-ridden.

I accept your apology, Connie.

There's your costumes, girls.

Be back here at 8. Now remember, always order champagne.

You get 10% of whatever the customer buys.

If he wants to enjoy your private company, there's no set price, so don't

make it cheap.

Gold here is easy to come by.

Dings, ain't?

Of course I get 50% of the extra action. If you play your cards right, you'll be

able to buy your own place in a couple of years.

That's the way it is, girls.

Mr. Kirby paid your passage over here.

And he expects to be repaid in full.

Plus a little extra.

And just how do we do that?

You are trade stupid, Lizzie. You mingle with the costumers.

They give you tips, then you give them tips.

They say for ten dollars, we can make love.

That's how there is to it. I ain't aiming to be no prostitute.

Just call yourself a lady of the evening, Liz.

I'm with Liz and I want no part of it.

I'm afraid you have no choice.

That ready, Liz?

Don't know as how I'll ever be ready.

Well, it's not as bad as it seems.

Just anybody to the Heist Theater.

Exactly. If they can't come up with the right prize, ignore it.

But what's the right prize?

More than they can afford.

You heard Mr.

Kirby. It was his idea.

Come on, Liz.

Let's give Mr.

Kirby the surprise of his life.

And the first surprise is getting rid of this black hair.

Thank you.

Lohan buys drinks for the table.

Do you want one?

I'm sitting pretty, baby.

I can't lose.

Here's to the postman and ghost star.

I guess that means a drink's around me.

Bye, Kendall. Another drink.

for the moment you've all been waiting for.

The biggest little bombshell in all the West.

We brought this girl around the horn, and she's the horniest girl we know.

Gorgeous!

Tootsie!

Oh, some champagne.

Nice week's work, Fifi.

Keep this up and you'll be able to go back to France and buy the Riviera.

Thank you, Mr. Kirby.

You too, Blanche, baby. Down payment on an English castle.

Thanks, Mr.

Kirby. Would you girls excuse us? I want to talk to these two.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night, girls.

Good night, ladies.

Kirby.

You girls did all right on the drinks.

But what about the other action?

Nobody came up with our price.

Yeah. I'd say it was the best offer we'd had.

From now on, a ten spot is plenty. I don't want any more excuses.

And that's an order.

I'd run away if I had any place to run.

Oh, hey, don't worry.

I've still got a flask of those knockout drops.

They just might come in handy.

Give me a little red eye.

Sure thing, Dad.

How's the weather outside?

Nastier than a mother-in-law's tongue.

It's clearing up now, but, boy, you have to be a mud hand to get across the

street. I think even a mud hand would need boots.

Just a beer.

Beer won't warm you up much on a day like this.

I ain't much for hot liquor.

I got something else here that might make you plenty warm.

Yeah, I know.

I was dancing with one of them last night.

Her name was Liz.

Real pretty she was.

And very good company.

She's in room 23. Why don't you drop up and see her?

Don't think I could afford it.

Ten bucks is pretty cheap for a luscious gal like Liz.

Sure is.

I'll think about it. Suit yourself.

What was that real number again?

Twenty-three.

Hello, Davey.

What brought you here?

Mr. Kirby told me where to find you.

I see.

He said the price was ten dollars.

Oh, he did, did he?

Sit down, Davey, and have some tea with me first.

I know you're worth more than a ten spot, but that's all I got.

That'll be plenty.

Of course, I was going to buy a heifer with it, but I figured it's time a

fellow my age knows a little something about life.

Will you give me the... Oh, I'm sorry.

Look, Davey, it's a bit hot in here.

You'd better start taking off your clothes while it cools a bit.

Take off my clothes?

Oh, come now.

You've had a girl before, haven't you?

Never did.

There ain't too many girls in these parts, and what there is ain't

interested in a poor homesteader like me.

I guess I don't have to tell you this will be my first time.

Mine, too.

Huh?

Too many, that is.

Well, they ain't been for sale till now.

You mean you're not one of those... No.

And I don't intend to start, either.

Look, Davey, you're going to buy that heifer.

You're also going to have your fun.

And he asked me to marry him just like that.

And live on his farm.

Then why don't you?

How can I?

Davy ain't got the money to pay Kirby.

You pack your bags and go with Davy this afternoon.

I'll take care of Kirby.

Be happy, Liz.

After all, if it weren't for you and Tom... I'd be dead by now.

Liz won't be with us tonight.

I guess she can have a night off. After this afternoon, she'll be worth plenty.

She'll be worth plenty, but not to you.

What's that?

She'll be worth much more to the man she's marrying.

Marrying? Yeah, that farmer you sent up to her room this afternoon.

You made a mistake, Kirby.

Instead of a fresh peddler, you turned out to be a matchmaker.

I guess Liz needs a lesson.

Save your energy. They left two hours ago.

She won't get far.

I know where that clogged kicker's place is.

I'll have the sheriff pick up my property tomorrow.

Your property?

Exactly.

I paid her passage over here, and I expect to get my money back with plenty

of interest.

This hay shaker don't have a pot or a window to throw it out of.

Maybe this will take care of Liz's debt.

That's worth 50 times or more what you paid for Liz.

Diamonds?

Yes, diamonds.

Now you can get rid of that fly speck you wear and get yourself a real

sparkler. Where the hell did you get this?

Where I got it, when I got it, and how I got it is none of your business.

I can tell you where she got it.

She got it from Lord Bethlehem.

She's Lady Godiva Bethlehem.

Blanche, you bitch, I told you.

I'll tell you.

When is the next coach to Goldstone?

About two hours, stranger.

It's on time. Just sit here and wait.

Thank you.

Can't go to Goldstone looking like that. If I was you, I'd go get myself some

Western duds.

General Store is right over there.

Yes, thank you. Thank you very much.

I'm not sending you back to England.

A vulture like you passing up a big reward.

I figure you'll be worth much more to me right here.

Know what I mean?

I'm not stupid.

The boys around here will be mighty happy when they can brag about having a

lady of English nobility for a measly hundred in gold or more.

I wouldn't be worth it.

You are to me.

And just to prove it, here's your diamonds back.

And I'm going to be the first one to brag.

Playing games, huh?

Blanche told me all about you.

Good afternoon. I'm looking for Miss Edith Tipton.

Edith's upstairs in room 11.

Talking to Mr. Kirby.

Thank you very much, sir.

Oh, Tom, darling.

You kept your promise.

Tom, darling, you kept your promise.

Next stage to Frisco don't get here until the day after tomorrow.

And you better be on it, mister, alone.

Yes, but I'm taking Lady Godiva with me.

You're either leaving here alone or in a pine box.

Take your choice.

No challenging me to a duel, I take it. Here we call a showdown.

And as the insulted party, you naturally have your choice of weapons.

Get yourself one like this, you limey bastard.

If you don't have one, drop over to jail. I got a raft of them.

Thank you.

Tom, you can't do it. He'll kill you. I'm pretty handy with a gun.

But Kirby's the fastest gunman in these parts. Don't you worry. We're going on

that stagecoach together.

Then we'll both take care of Kirby.

Together. But how can you help?

You'll see.

Good luck darling

Good

luck boss. Thanks

Time

to go good luck

Tom, darling, you're alive.

Thank you for the loan of a gun.

Sorry it didn't turn out the way you'd expected.

And now it's together on this stagecoach.

Together forever.