Original subtitles

In the beginning.

There was nothing.

Except Aboriginals,

obviously.

And for billions and billions and billions of years.

They lived in peace and harmony.

They were so advanced and sophisticated.

They had trade,

agriculture,

and 100% renewable energy.

And they even had flying cars and almond cappuccinos.

Yeah,

it was all great and perfect and very progressive in every single way.

Until the white fella came and screwed it all up.

OH,

I-Call the noise!

Call the noise!

Call the-We'll be right back.

For the next 200 years,

Australia was ruled by the colonisers.

Everything sucked.

But sovereignty was never ceded.

and a few lone aboriginals forged a radical new alliance.

With the guys.

The trans.

They're non-binaries.

Feminist influencers on TikTok,

the disabled,

the neurodivergents,

the asexuals,

the unemployed students,

the queers,

the second generation immigrants,

and of course,

the fats.

And together,

they called themselves the progressives.

And so it began.

The Culture War.

They fought on the internet.

They fought on the streets.

They fought all the time and got up early every day to win battles

of ideas with logical and coherent arguments.

But it wasn't enough.

So the progressives came together and crafted a master weapon.

They poured all their grievances,

their trauma,

their lived experiences into one vessel.

The victimhood.

The most powerful weapon in the whole world.

It was so powerful that it's where I could deflect all criticism

with total moral authority.

And you could also fly and shoot rainbows and stuff.

The colonizers didn't stand a chance against the progressives armed

with their precious victimhood.

The culture war was fought.

And the colonizers.

Made that.

And so the culture war was won.

And that's the very true story of how Australia became the

progressive paradise it is today.

Where everyone lives in peace and love under an eternal rainbow that never goes out.

And I should know.

I'm the Prime Minister.

Elbow.

The good progressives of Australia have voted me the most retarded

person on the planet for six consecutive terms.

And this is my beautiful daughter,

Princess Stacey.

I'm a woman.

And she's not just one of the most feminine and sexy women in the world,

she's also very strong and very brave.

Thanks,

Dad.

But don't think for a second that we've got any real power in society.

Oh,

no.

Only Aboriginals can be the true sovereigns.

And the blackest and most Indigenous person in the world is Mum.

He's one 16th Aboriginal and very much in charge.

You see,

after the culture war was won,

we got to work decolonising and rebuilding society from the ground up.

Ground up,

starting with the really important stuff like renaming our capital

city Melbourne from its disgusting colonizer name back to its

original Aboriginal name.

Nah,

isn't that cool and not tokenistic at all?

In fact,

we changed everything back to their original indigenous names,

like the Coolabriti and Wadabiganana.

Here in NAMM,

only us radicals are left.

And working with AI,

Aboriginal intelligence,

we've been able to restore NAMM to a truly modern and progressive city.

We don't just have medical trials.

We have generational trauma centers as well.

This is a world where you can be whatever you want,

where you can choose from thousands of genders,

with the Department of Pronouns releasing more every day.

Where you can do whatever you want,

regardless of your skills,

abilities,

or sexual proclivities.

This is a world where everyone is loved and accepted and equal,

where everything is accessible,

inclusive,

and diverse,

with equity and tolerance and buzzwords.

Because this is a world that's not just progressive—this is a world

that's super progressive.

Thank you.

Oh,

great!

Another day in progressive paradise.

Good morning,

Nam.

Good morning,

Rainbow.

Good morning,

fellow white striped mouse!

Good morning,

rats!

Good morning,

mole!

Good morning,

human remains!

Good morning,

Lance!

Oi!

No optimism!

That's toxic positivity!

I'm sorry.

Now rise and shine,

you privileged white bastards.

It's time for your morning apologies.

Ah,

yes!

I love begging for forgiveness.

Oh,

what a great start to the day.

Three floggings already this morning,

fellas.

Mmm,

tastes like a muffin.

I'm sick of cleaning up shit.

Nah,

come on.

It's the least we can do for all those centuries of shitting on everyone else.

They treat us like slaves.

Well,

someone has to carry the burden of all the labour exploitation of the past.

It's like we're animals,

too.

I'm starting to think these people might be racist.

Come on,

it's impossible to be racist against white people.

And what's even better?

After a long day begging for forgiveness,

trying to heal the sins of our history?

We get to do it all again tomorrow,

fellas.

We really are pretty.

I mean,

gee whiz.

Look at how beautiful the rainbow looks today.

Ghost?

D.

Rainbow.

I wish.

That someday,

I'll make up for all the crimes that I didn't commit.

or benefit from.

And then maybe— One day,

I can be more than just an oppressor.

Oi!

Who's wishing upon the rainbow in here?

Who dares dream of a better life?

What do you think?

You're the main character or something,

do you?

You're the lowest rung of society.

What sort of stupid movie would put you as the main character?

I don't know.

A super regressive movie?

That's right.

Screen Australia would never fund a film with you as the protagonist.

You're a white,

cisgendered,

straight male.

You're a baddie.

And you'll always be a baddie.

You don't deserve any narrative privileges.

No audience sympathy.

No plot armour.

No conveniently timed saves.

They say that I'm a he,

but I'm a she.

Cause I got a V and not a D.

And I don't care what people say.

I'll never be a him or them or they.

Cause I'm a real body.

Did you just look at my vagina?

That's sexual harassment,

you perverted chauvinistic pig!

Oh no no no,

I wasn't looking at you at all!

Why not?

Am I invisible to you or something?

That's Horatia.

This is the most beautiful woman in the world.

How dare you deny her?

I'm sorry,

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to upset you,

princess.

Why do you men have to make it all about you?

You just can't accept that the patriarchy's over,

can you?

The reason I'm having trouble regulating my emotions right now is

because I have my period,

okay?

Oh,

I had no idea.

What do you mean you had no idea?

The princess is obviously menstruating.

Are you calling me a liar?

You know what?

I think it's just best if I shut my big dumb white mouth.

What a shock,

another man refusing to speak up about oppression.

Silence is violence.

That's not just a microaggression.

That's a macroaggression.

I should have you hung.

Hum?

Wait,

I think you mean hanged?

Are you seriously about to mansplain to me right now?

Mansplaining is a very toxic crime.

You know what we do to mansplainers,

don't ya?

Yeah.

Go on.

Tell me.

Wouldn't that be-mansplaining itself?

Oh my god,

look how scared he is.

I was just joking,

you weirdo.

HAHAHAHAHAHA That was very funny,

Princess.

I nearly choked on my hormones.

Oh,

it was just a joke.

Then why didn't you effing laugh?

You didn't laugh at a woman's joke!

Sees him,

I'm going for a run.

For not laughing at a woman's very funny joke,

the defendant is charged with misogyny in the first degree.

He is a white,

straight,

cisgendered male.

I rest my case,

your honor.

Well,

I've heard enough.

I presume he's super guilty.

Please,

I'm not a misogynist.

Let me prove it to you.

Objection,

Your Honor.

The defendant is trying to defend themselves.

This is not the time or place for facts and evidence,

peace.

This is a feelings-based court.

And I feel like you're guilty.

Not so fast!

Better be good!

I'm gay and retarded,

you ar-I'll allow it.

Now may I please have a moment to confer with my client please?

Dude,

what the hell are you doing?

Hey,

I thought you were gay and retarded.

I'm not actually gay and retarded.

I'm just pretending.

What?

Why would you do that?

Because I'm a white guy just like you.

These people are nuts.

They hate us.

But you can't be an offender if you're also a victim.

I can't do that.

I can't just pretend.

Of course you can.

Everybody's doing it.

Well,

anyone that wasn't lucky enough to actually be born with a

debilitating disease or disability.

Like,

look at Michelle over there.

You're not going to believe this.

She's actually a dude.

I can't just lie and say that I'm oppressed.

What if they check?

What,

and challenge your existence?

Come on,

Pete!

Hurry up!

One moment,

please,

Your Honor!

See how easy it is?

So everyone's pretending?

I could have sworn that judge was actually retarded.

Oh no,

he's very retarded.

Lucky bastard.

But for the rest of us,

we're all just pretending.

It's how this stupid progressive world works,

Pete.

So what are you going to pretend to be?

Depressed?

Autistic?

Furry,

maybe?

All right,

I'm bored.

Can I just bang the hammer and say guilty,

please?

I believe my client has a point of personal privilege,

Your Honor.

Will you please?

Go on,

Pete.

Save yourself.

Act like a victim.

Nine.

I'm not gonna pretend.

I'm guilty,

guilty,

guilty,

guilty.

I sentence the defendant to death.

She's dead.

Hold on to your COVID masks,

everybody.

It's time to kill Pete.

Live on the ABC.

Brought to you by Budweiser,

the official gender fluid of social justice.

Law yourself a new pronoun today.

I'm your host,

Sally Beavisnatch,

and I'm having a panic attack right this very minute.

I'm sorry.

Help!

Thanks,

Sally.

I'm down here and I also suffer from mild anxiety and I'm highly

sensitive to loud noises.

My guy!

An incredibly diverse crowd has gathered here today for what is

going to be one of our most satisfying executions ever.

Even the kids are getting into a murderous frenzy.

And of course,

keeping the crowd entertained in the meantime are our super sexy and

healthy cheerleaders.

Okay.

And good to see everyone sitting back,

relaxing,

chucking down a few booster shots.

Vaccines here.

Yeah,

vaccine.

Vaccine here.

Oh,

let's take a look in the royal box now.

Oh,

hello.

Our progressive leader,

Prime Minister Albo.

And there's his daughter,

Princess Stacey,

looking stunning and brave.

She really is one of the most beautiful biological females in Nam.

And of course,

the original custodians of time and space,

the Aboriginals are in the house.

And now,

before we bring out this white piece of shit and kill him,

if I may just take a brief 20-25 minutes to quickly acknowledge the

traditional owners of the land.

Billions and billions of years ago,

the most—Bye.

Always was,

always will be.

All righty,

folks,

what do you reckon?

Should we kill this white Nazi scum,

fascist pig in the name of the rainbow?

Any final words?

All my life I've tried to be progressive.

I've grown up believing that I'm too privileged to be treated equally.

And that I deserve to be enslaved and beaten up and shat on every day.

But as I look out onto this crowd of all you loving and

compassionate people,

violently cheering for my death,

I'm starting to think that maybe this isn't a progressive paradise after all.

But what would I know?

I'm just a dumb white guy.

My opinion doesn't matter.

Kill me!

Uh!

A rainbow flicker,

just as we're about to kill Pete.

Maybe it's a sign of some kind.

Daddy,

why'd the rainbow flicker?

I don't know,

honey,

but I'm sure all the progressives here will act calmly and rationally.

You're all gonna die!

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

And it's on.

Thank you.

OWWWWWWW Ah,

shit.

Widespread panic.

Lance,

prepare everyone for looting and riot,

please.

Yes,

sir.

Ah!

Ah!

Daddy,

what's going on?

Justice,

the oldest foothold.

Peace.

Now I'ma get in.

Oh,

good.

Uncle Murray's here.

Oh,

black and white one.

Please tell us what to do.

We don't have much time.

Follow me!

and bring the war boom.

Woo!

Hi-yah!

Stop!

Uncle Murray,

what happened to the rainbow?

What's going on?

ROLLING GRAVE DANGER!

Only the chosen one can save us now.

Ugh.

You speak of the prophecy.

What's the prophecy?

Shut up,

boy,

boy!

Well,

yeah.

wears here.

The end of the rhyme.

Whoa.

Move it,

white boy.

Use Harry App,

it's literally the end of the world.

They're gonna be here any minute!

Who's nearly here?

COLONOS!

The colonizers.

We defeated them in the culture war.

Everyone knows that.

It's time for some truth telling.

The progressives didn't win the culture wars.

We lost.

Badly.

Like,

it wasn't even close.

Thank you.

Started cutting kids' dicks off.

Glowing ourselves to rise.

Throwing soup on paintings,

setting Teslas on fire,

flying private jets to climate change conferences,

forcing people to use paper straws.

It was ridiculous.

It didn't make any sense.

But I thought we were stronger and fought harder than them.

Nah,

nah,

we're weak as piss.

We talk to be gay,

but we're really just a bunch of purple-haired pussies.

But I thought we had the ultimate weapon.

What happened to the victimhood?

We lost it.

The victimhood was so powerful,

everyone wanted to have a turn.

The progressives started fighting each other over who deserves it the most.

The victimhood was torn apart.

In chaos!

is lost forever.

We lost our victimhood.

Lost the culture— Daddy,

I don't believe him.

You have to believe him,

honey.

He's 116th Aboriginal.

Now consider this your trigger warning!

Cause what's in here?

We'll really knock you off your milk crate.

After we embarrassed ourselves in the culture war?

We had no choice but to run away and hide.

But then what?

How's the whole world a progressive paradise then?

That's the thing,

Princess.

Design a progressive paradox.

Peace!

is a progressive bubble.

Thank you.

Ugh!

Come on,

I gave you a trigger warden!

We live in a bubble.

What's out there?

The real will.

A dangerous and racist place that no progressive has ever survived.

And this rainbow here is a shield.

We call it the virtue signal.

And it's protected us.

Until now.

What happens if the rainbow goes out?

That's a virtue signal.

This is no longer a safe space.

Oh,

God!

Ah,

these would be good songs,

ya dog!

Forget that this is all a bit full on,

but fuck me!

Peace.

It's the echo chamber.

Closed ideological feedback loop that powers the virtual secret.

And its core is this.

The last shred of the victimhood.

Whoa.

Up until now,

the bubble's been empowered by a mere shred of the victimhood.

We're gonna need more than that if we're gonna stop the colonisers

and save our progressive bubble.

And down here I've discovered the answers,

left to me by my ancestors.

Take a look at these Aboriginal paintings.

Whoa!

I'll give you $1 million for it.

What?

No!

They're just a bunch of dots and squiggles.

These are the Aboriginal paintings.

Oh,

I see.

This is the prophecy of the only person that can save us,

a chosen one who'll venture out into the real world and reclaim the

victimhood from its ancient resting place and wield its awesome

power and save the world from the oppressive colonizers to become the coolest,

wokest,

most compassionate person ever.

And they'll even get their own show!

On the ABC.

So where would the Chosen One find the victimhood?

Don't rush me!

The Elders concealed its location here in this painting in a way

that only a wise old Aboriginal man could decipher.

And I figured it out.

Wow!

How'd you do it?

Simple.

All I had to do was connect the dots.

Behold!

The victim won't give me food here!

Woolery!

Of course.

The only place a white man can never set foot.

That's so smart.

Well,

of course,

the elders were super smart.

They saw all this coming and they foretold that when the rainbow

begins to fade and the white man will soon return to colonize our

progressive paradise once again,

but a chosen one will come forth and save us.

There can be only one.

The ultimate minority.

The one true victim!

The Super Progressive!

And he— He's here!

Amongst us!

Right this very minute!

Alright.

Well,

I didn't ask to be the chosen one,

but I'll do it!

I'll accept the call to adventure!

Oh my god,

that's so cringe.

The Chosen One can't be a white guy!

You're not the main character!

You're such a dumb,

stupid,

idiot.

Everyone knows Uncle Murray's the chosen one.

It's been obvious since the carriage.

Oh,

yeah,

yeah,

yeah.

No,

of course it's not me.

That's stupid.

I'm so confused.

What am I even doing here?

Well,

they need someone to carry me bags!

Oh great!

That's everything I need to single-handedly save the bubble.

Come on,

white boy!

It's time for us to step into the real world.

You know we built this bridge long ago.

But up until now,

no one's ever gotten over it.

Good luck,

Murray!

I think this mission's missing one thing.

Female representation.

Stacy,

no,

please don't go.

The real world's a dangerous place.

They don't respect women out there.

You could get murdered or raped or worse.

Not paid as much as men.

Don't worry about me,

daddy.

Thank you.

I'd worry about the real world.

They've never seen a woman like me before.

Huh!

Les,

you're my best social justice warrior and my weakest man.

I need you to look after my princess,

Daisy.

Oh,

but sir,

I wouldn't dare undermine her female agency.

There's nothing to do with her!

He's a convicted misogynist!

I don't trust this pervert.

I want you to make sure he keeps his eyes and hands off my sexy daughter.

Oh,

but,

sir,

that sounds like patriarchal overreach.

Hey,

I'm the Prime Minister,

and that's an order.

Now,

give me your jacket.

It'll blow your cover.

The second they see you in that,

they'll know you're a lefty progressive from Narm.

How's this?

Perfect.

And I want this misogynist brought back alive.

Oh,

thanks,

Johannes.

So he can kill you when you get back.

Oh,

okay.

Go on,

git git git git git git!

Hurry up!

I need those bags!

Ugh.

Whoa.

Sure is a lot of weight.

Well,

you think that's heavy?

Think of all the emotional baggage I've had to carry.

I think you'll be all right,

mate.

Yeah,

sure.

Yeah,

yeah,

of course.

I'll be fine.

Yeah!

Ugh!

Thanks,

Lance!

No,

not you!

Pass me the bags,

you idiot!

No!

My hormones!

QUICK!

Pass us the bags!

The one page— THAT WAS EVERYTHING!

Eh!

Ah!

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

You idiot,

Pete!

Now we're all gonna die out here because of you!

You fool!

How am I supposed to suppress all my toxic masculinity without my hormones?

Oh my god.

I broke a nail.

I'm gonna bloody kill you!

Huh?

Is that my fault?

Oh,

good one,

Pete,

you stupid idiot!

Way to ruin the whole mission!

Welcome to the real world,

everybody!

This is not a fair place out here.

Bad things happen to people like us.

Ah,

so it's not my fault.

Go fu— Everything's your fault,

always.

Yeah,

that's it,

Murray.

Give it to him.

Now even though Pete's lost all the maps,

food,

and shelter critical for our survival,

Luckily— I'm an Aboriginal.

This.

He's my lady.

And I can use my special Aboriginal powers to track my way to Uluru

and find the victimhood.

Because my connection to country is not only deep and sacred,

it's completely unquestionable!

All right!

Now follow me.

It's time for us to leave the safety of our bubble.

We're going to walk about.

And— That was fast!

Did you get the victimhood,

Murray?

Actually,

oh,

the elders are telling me it's this way.

Follow me!

Come on!

Sir?

Take a look at this.

Oh no.

This can't be good.

We have to tell the Prime Minister.

Now!

Prime Minister.

There's been an ideological spill.

Go on.

For progressives.

They've left the bubble.

Mmm,

elbow.

They seem to be headed north.

Into the outback.

Let's go pay them a little visit,

shall we?

We've been walking all day.

Vegan leather shoes.

My fate of killing me!

Huh.

Your feet hurt.

Try walking in heels all day.

Oh,

you think that's painful?

Imagine walking in the footsteps of your ancestors on the very

sacred land that was stolen from them.

Each step,

a cruel reminder.

Oh,

Andy,

don't s— Does anyone want my shoes?

They've got a pretty good sole.

Oh,

no,

they do not!

Yeah,

ew,

I think I'd rather the blisters.

What makes you think anyone would want to walk a mile in your shoes?

Oh,

yeah,

sorry everyone.

Ah!

I can't keep going.

I'm starving,

Uncle Murray.

How long until we get to Uluru?

About 2,

000 kilometres.

What?

No,

we can't survive without food till then.

What are we going to do?

We'll hunt our own food.

How?

We've got nothing.

None of us know how to hunt.

We're screwed!

Huh?

Don't ever question my ability to live off the land!

I'm sorry,

Uncle Mario.

Must be all this testosterone coursing through my veins.

It's making me angry and hungry.

He's hungry.

He's becoming a typical male.

He needs to eat before he turns into a real monster.

Well,

I guess once again,

a black fella's gonna have to labor for the warts.

STAND BACK!

Oh,

the wind got it.

Oh,

that was the wind.

Did you see that gust of wind?

That was awesome,

Murray.

I'll go get it.

I thought boomerangs came back by themselves.

What would you know?

Shut your mouth.

Not all boomerangs come back.

It's a throwing stick,

not a bloody toy.

I found it!

Oi!

Put that down!

That's cultural appropriation!

Bye.

OOH!

AH!

RUN!

Ah!

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm,

protein!

Mm!

Ugh!

How good's the meat cooked over an open flame?

I thought you were vegan.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr Nah,

no point being vegan in the real world.

Oh,

I'm stuffed.

Good work Pete,

for once.

Yeah,

not too bad for a dumb white male.

Yeah,

thanks a lot,

Pete.

It was really great to watch you steal my boomerang and my culture.

Thousands of years of spiritual engineering just to watch you wave

it around willy-nilly like a toy.

I really am sorry,

Murray,

but at least I started the fire all by myself.

Yeah,

I guess all that practice setting us black fella's beds on fire really paid off,

didn't it?

I guess so.

You know,

I wish— Oh man,

it's so weird not seeing a rainbow in the sky,

eh?

I really thought it was real.

Rainbows are real.

And don't you think that they're just some sort of multicolored arc of life?

So then,

what are they?

Gather round!

Let Uncle Mari tell you a little story.

In the dream time!

Long before people walked the land,

a great creature slept beneath the earth.

Shii— It was the rainbow soup.

Wow,

the rainbow serpent.

Sounds like a really cool gay snake.

It's not a gay snake!

It's my people's most sacred creature to be!

Why?

Why is that music still playing?

Huh?

My people!

UGH!

Murray White!

My brothers!

Bloody hell,

Barry,

the jetty's gone out again.

Oh,

no worries.

Key the eye,

got it?

Let's go,

mate.

Oh,

yeah,

she's humming now.

Uncle Mari,

what's wrong?

Get out!

Bloody hell,

Barry,

this generator's cocked completely.

Oh,

I'm sorry,

Keithy.

It was working before I left.

These are my Aboriginal brothers.

They're bush pigs.

Bush pigs!

Boguts—bigots— the most dangerous animals out there.

How can you tell?

Look!

That is the world's most racist flag.

And our enemy's right under it.

That's a 79 Land Cruiser.

I reckon I can hotwire it.

Princess,

you know how to hotwire a car?

Don't doubt me,

I'm a woman.

I'll figure it out.

Stop bickering,

you two.

Just shut up and steal the car.

I don't know.

It feels wrong to steal.

Stealing from white people is completely justified.

All right,

Princess,

go get the car.

We'll wait here for you,

single.

Gotta help her.

Stacey,

wait!

So what do we do,

Uncle Murray?

Do you white people ever shut up?

You're gonna blow air,

come on!

Well,

well,

well.

Look what we have here.

Good one,

Pete!

Take a look what I found rustling in the bushes.

Bring them a bit closer,

Barry.

Let me get a good look at them.

Sorry,

boys.

Eyesight's not what it used to be.

Name's Keith.

You've already met Barry.

G'day,

fellow campers.

G'day,

fellas.

Everyone calls me Hindsy because I'm always on the source.

Ha!

Ha!

Can I get you guys a beer or what?

Yeah mate!

So long as it's not any of that Japanese piss!

All right.

What was that?

A bit of casual racism.

We need to act as racist as possible.

If they think we're a couple of fellow bush pigs,

we'll be fine.

Here you go,

boys.

Couple of Australian bees.

Oh,

thanks,

mate.

Ah,

cheese.

To being a white Australian male.

Ha ha!

What's with the emphasis on what?

Lance.

What are you doing here?

No,

no,

no,

I just came to see if you needed help.

I don't need your help.

Ugh,

locked.

I'm gonna have to break through the glass ceiling.

Great idea.

Here,

quick.

Stand on my shoulders.

Never.

Anyway,

you blokes hungry?

I've got some chow mein on the go.

Mmm,

yum!

After this stubby,

I will,

yeah.

It's a taste.

These people hate immigrants.

So what do you say,

fellas?

Can I interest you in some chow mein?

Oh,

no thanks.

We don't eat that immigrant shit.

But my wife made this chow mein.

Oh yeah,

right.

As if your wife's a Chinese immigrant.

My wife's Filipina.

And I love her very much.

Good work,

Pete.

You're a natural.

Ugh,

I can't get up.

It's like the whole world's rigged against me.

Here,

let me get between your legs,

and I'll help you get to the top.

I'm not going to spread my legs for you.

Get off me.

Whoa.

Oh!

Ugh!

Princess,

what are you doing to me?

Lance,

did you just?

That's gross.

This great country's a melting pot of culture.

Now,

if you want to have a nuanced conversation about population growth,

let's have it.

But if you want to talk down about our pan-Pacific neighbours,

you can walk off my campsite right now.

Alrighty!

Oh no!

HODGI!

I never took you as a xenophile.

Poor Maria's gonna be devastated.

Oh,

come on,

Keithy.

You're no me,

mate.

I'm no bigot.

Just going for a piss,

mate.

I'm sorry I don't know what came over me.

You shouldn't have done that.

I couldn't help it.

Oh no.

Look!

Right,

I've got an idea.

Ah,

you know what?

I need to piss as well,

actually.

Deep into the bushes!

I'm very shocked.

No,

no,

no.

Come on,

you boys sit down right where you are.

We need to have a little chat about immigration.

You know,

when you think about it,

we're all technically immigrants on this great island.

Well,

that's right,

Barry,

except for the Aboriginals,

of course.

Oh,

don't even get me started on them.

Bunch of filthy Abos.

Thank you.

Isn't that right,

Murray?

What?!

Our indigenous folk are a treasure to this country.

Thank you.

Bye.

All right,

Keith,

eat ready for some cheer.

I'm in,

mate.

Hmm.

Hey,

big boy.

I will not tolerate this sort of bigotry on my campsite.

Uh,

Murray?

Help me!

Get him,

Koita!

Get in.

Oi!

They're stealing me Land Cruiser!

And they're bigots!

Get him!

GO!

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh,

good timing,

Princess.

Peter nearly got us killed.

Me?

I was just being racist like you told me to.

But I don't know,

those guys didn't seem that racist.

Of course they were racist.

They're Australians.

And I told you to be casually racist.

I didn't give you permission to start throwing around Abbo like that.

The A word?

That's the most offensive slur of them all.

How dare you!

Okay,

I'm sorry,

but Princess,

shouldn't you be driving?

Hey,

don't worry about her.

She's a woman.

She's a good driver.

Yeah,

actually,

women are much safer drivers than men anyway.

Ah,

Princess?

See,

women can drive.

Cool,

hang on.

Murray,

are you okay?

Ah,

me back!

That's trying to get me back real bad!

Oh,

I'm sorry,

guys.

That's totally my fault.

I didn't even see us there completely stationary in the middle of the road.

Oh,

you all right?

Yeah,

I'm all right,

I think.

I'm not okay.

I'm fading.

I can see my ancestors.

They're calling to me.

Don't go towards the light,

Murray.

We need you.

Oh,

no.

Murray's hurt.

Let me take a look at him.

I was a medic in the army.

Uncle Murray,

you okay?

Oh,

no,

that's a bad one.

That's real bad!

Come on,

Fah!

Come back to me!

BREATHE!

That guy's nuts!

You look okay to me,

Uncle Murray.

I can't see any bumps or scratches.

Get your white colonial hands off me!

Come on,

buddy!

Don't you toy on me!

Thank you.

Yeah,

well,

good news is,

looks like I was able to save your friend,

so he's just having a bit of a hop around in the bush.

But,

oh,

gee,

I've done a real number on your car,

haven't I?

I tell you what,

why don't you just give us a lift?

I'll take us wherever you were going.

We're going to Uluru.

Pete,

Uluru!

Oh,

that's about 2,

200 kilometers off course for me.

Oh,

but you know what?

A promise is a promise.

I'll drive you to Uluru.

I think we should go with it.

Like hell,

in case you haven't noticed,

Pete,

I'm black.

He won't take me.

Look,

the bush pigs weren't that racist.

Maybe this guy isn't racist either.

Maybe Australians aren't as racist as we think.

All Australians are automatically racist.

Everyone knows that.

And look at this guy.

He's a cooker.

Off his head.

Off me head?

Nah,

mate,

I haven't touched the gear for about 15 years.

Nah,

it's these cataracts that make me look a little off your rocker,

you see?

Two inches in both eyes.

I think he's half blind.

Pete's right,

Uncle Murray.

If he's half blind,

he won't know you're a black fella.

Plus,

if he's disabled,

maybe he knows the way to the victimhood.

Just because he's half-blind doesn't mean he's on our team.

The term's actually legally blind,

but I can see well enough to know when I'm in the presence of a beautiful woman.

The lighting?

I think we should go with him.

I agree with Princess Stacey.

I'll take us all the way to Uluru.

It's the least I can do!

Mari?

NO!

I'm back!

Come on,

you lot,

why don't you just jump in my 120-ton road train,

fully loaded with 100,

000 litres of oily flammable petroleum fuel.

Alright,

fine!

We'll go with his cooker.

But don't you say a word.

If he finds out I'm black and we're a bunch of progressives,

we're all dead.

We're nowhere near Uluru.

Look.

It's right there.

The middle— it's gonna take us three days to get there.

Put that down.

That's colonial propaganda.

Come on,

Murray.

It's just a map.

Exactly,

lines drawn by thieves.

Oh yeah,

I forgot— we were just navigating with sticks.

These guys are all back there!

I really am sorry about totaling your car.

I'll make it up to you.

End of the day,

shit happens.

You gotta keep on truckin'.

That's my motto.

Yeah,

well,

that's easy to say when you're the one that's caused all the damage.

Yeah,

Murray's right.

You can't just ignore the past.

Yeah,

nah,

past is no use to me,

mate.

Just gotta focus on what's ahead of ya.

Whoop!

What was that?

Guess that was just a bit of shit happening.

Just gotta keep on truckin',

eh,

Bill?

Hey,

now that's a good saying.

Someone should make that a sticker.

Yeah,

well,

just keep your eyes on the road.

Yeah,

right-o.

So any of you ever driven your way through Australia before?

Nah,

we've been living in a bubble.

Pete!

Ah,

happens to the best of us.

Easy to isolate yourself at one spot,

eh?

The world has a habit of shrinking up on you sometimes.

Not out here,

but the open road.

This is the real Australia.

Welcome!

to the greatest country on Earth.

How dare he welcome me to my own country!

Thank you.

Thank you.

Well,

I heard your kids at school today.

They don't take me in no more.

I can't apologize for things that happened 100 years before.

Don't welcome me to my own country or it will fall apart.

And I don't need a ceremony to tell me I belong.

I am well now.

I've always been way.

Yeah now.

Hey,

hey,

come see it all again.

Why,

if it isn't the evil Pauline Hayes,

my arch enemy.

Elbow.

Please explain why four of your citizens just walked out of your

magical rainbow bubble thing.

Those citizens are of no concern to you.

They've illegally immigrated into Australia.

So-called Australia.

Call them whatever you like.

Where are they going?

Well,

then you have nothing to threaten me with.

We are perfectly safe here inside our bubble.

Oh no,

quick,

blow him!

Activate the backup power supply!

On it,

Arbo!

It's not working!

Quick,

Jim!

Throw more money at it!

But we've totally run out of everyone else's money!

Where are the four of them going?

They're going to fight in the victimhood.

The victimhood?

You speak of the prophecy.

That's right.

And you'll never find it.

The victimhood rests where no white man can ever set foot.

All right.

Uh,

no.

Oh,

that's so dumb.

We must find them before they reach it.

Oh— Good luck,

Paulie!

You'll never catch him!

Shields back,

but it won't hold for long!

What if she gets there first?

Don't worry.

Murray won't rest until he finds it.

I'll stop you for all the rage!

I want to go hit the dunny.

You reckon they sell tampons?

Mighty!

Oh,

I need the big ones.

You coming,

Uncle Murray?

Oh,

yeah,

sure.

Wait for me.

Can't wait to be racially profiled and have the cops called on me.

I don't know.

I'm starting to think maybe the real world ain't so bad.

Yeah,

easy for you to say,

you white dog.

Go on,

get.

Okay.

Do you want me to get you anything?

Yeah,

the victimhood?

The thing we're supposed to be here for?

All right,

I'll have a look.

Oh,

and a chocolate milk.

AHHHHH!

Spider-Whoa!

You feel that?

That's a 5G tower.

Quick,

whack this on.

See,

the foil actually stops the 5Gs from passing through the blood-brain barrier.

Huh?

I know I sound like a cuckoo,

but I'm telling you,

it's legit.

I read about it on Facebook.

Hey,

where'd you go?

I'd rather die Mari,

you did it!

See?

It's not so bad,

eh?

Yeah,

I guess.

All you need to do is make a comment.

I want to see your pops have a chin.

He couldn't find any victimhoods,

unfortunately,

but I found some shocky milk.

Hang on.

Who's hanging on the phone to me?

And then that little papadum will definitely show you her pops.

Quick!

Laurie,

what are you doing?

He's calling the cops on me.

I knew it!

I'm being racially profi-This place is racist.

Really?

Are you sure?

Yeah,

look,

Choco Babies,

Redskins,

Eskimo Pies,

Coon Cheese.

Oh,

no,

you're right.

This place is racist.

And homophobic.

Look.

Golden Gate on!

This place is messed up,

we gotta get out of here!

Yeah,

let's go,

quick!

Sanjay?

Ah!

No,

police!

What?

I thought that was defunded.

Not out here.

They're well funded.

The second he sees that I'm a black fella,

he's gonna put me in custody and kill me.

Where are they,

Sanjit?

I'm gonna kill some— That's it.

I'm dead.

Help me,

Rainbow Serpent.

If you can hear me,

Rainbow Serpent.

Come on,

Pete,

think!

Here,

quick,

put this on.

Watch,

I'm black.

I don't burn.

No,

here!

Here they are.

Ibuprofen.

I've got a stinking headache.

I was going to kill someone.

Evening,

Officer.

Slips up slack.

Way to go,

buddy.

Hey,

you did it!

You're a genius!

With this disguise,

I can go anywhere!

Is that you,

old Greg Bilbo?

I thought I could smell bacon.

You guys know each other?

Yeah,

me and Greg E.

grew up together.

We should grab a couple of beers.

There's a pub next door.

I'd love to,

but I promise these guys I'll take them to Uluru.

We could go a beer or two.

Right,

fellow white Australians?

Yeah!

What's with the emphasis on white?

Oh.

Whoa.

What?

Would you look at that?

Doors really do just open for white folks,

don't they?

G'day,

sir.

Sir?

I guess white skin's all the ID I need!

HAHA!

Money just falls in your lap.

You're a what fella?

What can I get you,

mate?

I'm allowed to drink alcohol,

am I?

I'll get ten beers,

thanks.

You're the boss.

I'm the boss.

Wow.

Oh,

it's so good to see Murray finally able to relax,

eh?

Jesus,

Daisy,

you're really loving those cheesy balls,

aren't you?

I'm starving.

I'm about to get my period.

Are you calling me fat?

Oh,

I don't feel so good.

Mood swings,

food cravings,

sick all the time.

Women,

am I right,

fellas?

Heh,

sounds like she's pregnant!

Thank you.

Yeah,

good one,

Bill.

Maybe she is.

Oh my god!

Whoa!

Princess!

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to call you fat.

Well,

I am.

Look at me.

I'm supposed to be kick-ass,

not a fat-ass.

I'm gonna run it off.

Now move it.

I think you're pregnant.

That's impossible.

No,

it's not.

Remember when I was on top of you at the campsite?

As if your seed was strong enough to get me pregnant.

Occupied.

There's a man in the woman's toilet!

There better not be!

Yeah,

well,

my C is stronger now because I don't have my hormones!

Ah!

Get out of here,

you pervert!

Why am I becoming such a red-blooded mo-You saved me.

I'm sorry,

Princess.

I know you could have taken him yourself.

You saved both of us.

Wait,

what if someone says this?

Let the cookers watch.

Boop,

boop,

boop,

boop,

boop.

Why don't the three of us go back to the truck?

We all love alcohol!

Cheese point!

Alrighty,

I've got to go drop a few Aboriginal kids off at the pool.

I'll be back.

Right-o.

See you,

Greg.

Whoa,

that was a little racist.

Nah,

don't worry about it.

He's allowed to say that.

I don't think anyone's allowed to say that.

Hey now,

listen— me and old Greg,

we fought for that right?

You fought?

Yeah,

we fought!

In the culture war.

You're one of the bad guys.

You should have seen what they did to us.

We had a whole unit warped out for a single joint.

Sometimes.

I still hear the notifications.

Oi,

where'd you go?

Oi,

bartender!

I'm white over here.

Uncle Murray,

we've got a big problem.

Peter,

you white dog.

Let me buy you a drink.

No,

no,

no,

no,

no.

We've got to get out of here.

Oh,

come on,

Peter.

I'm having fun.

For once.

Why not?

Get us 15 beers.

Oi,

I was here first.

Like hell you were.

I was here first.

13 billion years before you were.

Oh,

I'm sorry.

I'm gonna cut it.

Give me all the grog.

I want everything you got.

Murray,

you're drunk.

That's a racist stereotype.

No,

Murray,

I need you to focus.

No more alcohol.

Oh,

you cut me off.

You insinuate that I got a problem.

You can't just introduce me to alcohol and then take it away.

Murray,

listen to me,

please.

We've got a massive problem.

I am not a problem.

You are.

That's right,

you white maggots!

I'M BLACK!

No.

Get out of here!

Yeah,

yeah,

yeah,

that's right!

Kick out the black fella.

Always blame the black fella.

Look,

Murray,

shit happens,

alright?

I forgive you.

Forgive me?

You're not the victim here.

I'm the victim.

Always was,

always will be.

Shh,

Murray,

keep it down.

Oh,

yeah,

yeah.

Silence the black fella.

Shh,

no.

Bill fought in the culture wars.

He's evil.

Of course he's evil.

You know how I knew that?

I saw his skin colour!

All you white fellas are the same!

You're all evil!

Mario.

I'm not evil.

Yes,

you are.

It's in your DNA.

You'll never be more than just an oppressor.

You're off the team.

What's all the commotion?

Long story.

Yeah,

it's about 200 years long!

Want me to start from the beginning?

Come on,

you two,

get in the truck.

We're going to Uluru.

Actually,

we decided to stay here.

What?

We're pregnant.

Oh,

wow.

And Stacy's going to keep this one.

And we're going to get a house,

maybe get a minivan.

Oh,

yeah.

Just what the world needs.

More white scum.

Mari,

that's a little mean.

Oh,

yeah,

here we go.

The pylon.

Let's all cancel Murray,

the big bad black fella.

Yeah,

yeah,

yeah.

I don't need yous.

I never needed yous.

You're a bunch of toxic,

useless,

evil dogs anyway.

I'll go and get the victim of myself.

I'm the chosen one.

I'm the one true victim.

Well,

well,

well.

Bye.

You're all a bunch of lefty progressives,

aren't you?

Get back.

He fought in the culture wars.

He's a baddie.

Yeah,

I fought in the culture wars.

I fought for the progressives.

You're a progressive?

But you said you fought for freedom of speech.

Yeah,

they were considered progressive back in my day.

Nah,

you're lying.

Greg said something very racist.

What did Greg say?

Alright,

I adopted Aboriginal children.

Who's ready to go to the pool for swimming lessons?

Thanks,

Daddy!

Oh look,

it's that Murray fella.

Oh man,

I feel pretty stupid.

Ah,

don't worry about it.

Happens to every lefty at some point.

So why'd you lot leave the bubble anyway?

We're on a quest to find the victimhood.

No!

The victim was lost long ago!

Murray thinks it's in all the room.

Oh,

no!

We're all in grave danger.

The Jacks,

of course.

Leave me alone.

Stop harassing me.

Hey,

it's me,

Greg.

Do you want to lift into town?

Jump in the back with the kiddos.

Kiddos?

Hi,

Murray.

What are you doing with them?

Oh,

they got a lesson to learn,

don't you,

kids?

Yes,

Dad.

Oh,

yeah.

They're gonna get taught a thing or two tonight.

You stole them kids?

What do you mean?

These are my kids,

mate.

No,

they are not!

Her victimhood feeds on grievance.

Once it takes hold.

It holds you in.

Till there's nothing left.

Also,

it turns you into a real dickhead.

Alrighty,

kiddos,

we're going on a road trip.

To Uluru.

What about Daddy?

Don't worry about Daddy.

You're with Uncle Murray now.

I think we should go back for Daddy.

Don't worry about him.

He's part of the system.

What system?

The one that keeps us black fellas down.

Daddy says we're not supposed to classify people by race.

We're all just people.

Oh,

is that what he says?

We're all just people?

Yeah,

that's exactly what they want you to think.

Well,

how about your Uncle Mario give you a bit of a history lesson,

eh?

Billions and billions of years.

We have to stop Murray before he reaches the victimhood.

God help us all.

He won't get far.

He's on foot.

BILL!

Bill!

Bill!

I was dropping the kids off at the pool,

and then that was stolen.

Murray!

He took the cruiser.

This is bad!

Everyone,

into the truck!

And that's the very true story of what happened to our people.

I hate Australia!

I hate colonialism!

I hate white people!

Yeah,

that's right!

Don't worry,

children.

Tonight!

We get our revenge.

Hooroo,

officers!

Before I open up the boom gate,

I just wanted to say welcome to Uluru!

Thanks for watching!

Don't welcome us to our own country,

you dog!

Thank you.

Come on,

Murray,

we gotta be careful!

It might already be under its spell.

Versity feels good.

Wraps you up,

comfort you.

Tells you that none of this is your fault.

You have to be really mean!

Everyone has to love you and call you the good guy.

But you become addicted to all the sympathy.

The pity.

The apologies.

The victimhood starts to cling to you.

Grows heavy!

You can't take it off.

God help us all if that angry little fella finds the victim.

There she is.

Come on Adam,

you're a gatekeeper!

Now get back out there!

Ah!

G'day,

folks!

No time for gatekeepers!

Go!

Go!

Go!

Oh no!

They're already inside.

Quick,

let's go.

No,

stop.

We can't go in there.

Why not?

We've got to save Murray and your kids.

Nah,

it's too culturally insensitive.

Ah,

bugger,

Greg's right.

Only black fellas can go in all the room.

Huh?

But it's just a rock.

Ooh.

Nah,

I wouldn't say that.

Nah,

look at it.

It's a very big,

very old rock.

I wouldn't get caught dead in there.

Not with my white face.

I can't believe I ever thought you guys weren't progressives.

Come on,

Lance.

Stacey.

We can't,

Pete.

It's the one place a white man can never set foot,

remember?

We'll get canceled.

Yeah,

well— I'm already canceled.

And it's about time a white fella used his racism for good.

Hit it,

Bill!

That's something your main character might do.

I thought I was the main character.

Kids,

what happened to you?

You okay?

Sup homie?

Can I pet your dog,

brother?

He's not your brother.

He might look like a black fella.

But he's a white dog.

I'm sorry,

Murray.

I thought I was using my racism for good.

Silence!

It's too late,

Pete.

Behold,

I found the victimhood,

and now that I wield its awesome power,

it's time for your final apology.

I don't think that's the real victimhood.

Of course it's the real victimhood.

I found it here under all the rue.

Just as the prophecy foretold.

I don't know.

It looks like an old hoodie someone left here.

Silence!

Ah,

I'm still trying to get the hang of it.

Murray,

it's not real!

Don't deny my victimhood,

Pete!

Whoa!

What was that?

Oh no,

quick!

We're gonna plug out that link!

I know.

My tampons.

They're big and absorbent.

No Stacey,

you're pregnant!

This is a job for a man!

I'm getting real tired of your patriarchal overreach.

Remove the truck before we fill all the row up with petrol!

Oh,

come on,

old girl!

She's happening!

I'm gonna keep trunking!

Ah,

she's buggin'...

WAIT!

Alright,

that smells like petrol.

We gotta get out of here.

Oh yeah,

blackfellas and their petrol,

eh?

Another racist stereotype!

Don't worry,

look!

The kids are gonna slip through the cracks!

I'll save them!

I can fly!

DIE!

Mari!

No!

Here,

I gotcha!

Go kids,

get out of here!

Ow!

Come on!

Ah!

Ah!

Thank you.

Murray,

the kids are in trouble.

I need to help them.

Yeah,

but what about me?

I'm stuck.

Just pull yourself up.

I can't.

I can't let go of the victimhood.

It's not real.

It's a cheap knockoff.

It's probably made in China.

How dare you deny my trauma?

This was forged by my ancestors.

Thank you.

Murray,

I can't help you if you won't help yourself.

I've got to save these kids.

Oh,

go on then.

Be a hero.

Just leave me here to die.

Sorry,

Larry.

Wait,

you're not actually gonna leave me here to die?

All right,

fellas,

time for some bush mechanics.

Well,

I guess I'll just stand here and look pretty then.

Peace.

Daddy!

Kids!

I'm going back in for Mark.

Oh?

Holy cancer.

We gotta move!

Blitz.

Bill!

No,

Liz!

You screwed the tranny!

Now excuse me!

Useless Stay!

No,

no,

no,

no,

no!

I ain't even showing him.

Pete was right.

Hey!

You came back!

Yeah!

It was the right thing to do.

EW!

Whatever.

Come on,

let's get out of here!

Whoa,

whoa,

ah!

You Hurry!

Hey!

How are you?

You're alive!

Of course!

He's alive!

Ugh!

Where's Pete?

PAINT-Agh!

He didn't make it.

But all I have to think is he's just in the big RSL in the scar now.

No!

He can't be!

I don't know,

a big RSL in the sky makes me feel better about death.

But anyway,

you're alive.

I'll wait till Pauline Anthony's about this.

Pull a laser,

WAIT!

Hello,

Murray.

AHH!

Where are me legs?

Oh yeah,

be careful,

mate.

He got my legs!

I'm a legless aboriginal!

Ugh.

Oh,

there he is!

Off to the Dream Town!

Wispy!

Please.

Hey.

Sorry!

Murray!

He didn't come back.

Thank you.

Oh!

Oh,

ouch!

You just hit your head so hard!

Huh?

On after all you've been through.

You're the rainbow serpent.

Yes,

of course it's me.

Oh,

Pete,

you're so smart and sexy.

You really are a guy.

I knew it.

Of course you knew it!

No one ever believes you,

do they?

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable?

Oh,

the victimhood!

Yes!

Why don't you try it on?

Oh,

no way!

The victim was bad news.

Oh,

stop it!

You know what's bad news?

The way you've been treated your whole life!

From the day you were born,

you weren't swaddled— You a shackle!

RUN!

SAVE— Yeah,

but that's okay.

I deserve it.

After all the unforgivable things my ancestors did.

They were a bunch of evil colonizers.

No,

look!

Your ancestors were convicts.

Just like you.

Really?

Yeah,

see?

Look what your ancestors went through.

I had no idea.

Looks to me like you've had everyone else's history ran down your

throat and never your own.

That sucks.

Where's your scholarships and special handouts?

How come no one looks like you in the commercials anymore?

Ay,

yeah!

Wait,

no,

no,

no,

no.

This is what I tried to save Uncle Murray from.

Yes,

that's right.

Uncle Murray.

You tried to save him,

didn't you?

What a shame he left you for dead.

They did?

Oh no,

look!

He doesn't even seem sad about it.

Everyone else seems really scared to death.

I thought we were best friends.

Oh my god,

I'm so sorry.

That totally sucks.

Come on,

Pete.

Put on the victim hood.

It's not bad if you deserve it.

And you deserve it.

You might be the biggest victim I've ever seen.

Yeah,

I am a victim!

Yes,

good boy,

patient.

Take this.

Take it.

Hmm.

Well,

there goes the virtue signal.

Oh,

we're screwed.

Nothing's going to stop Pauline Anton now.

Throw another statue on the barricade.

Maybe we'll get a few more seconds before she colonizes us all.

Your Highness,

maybe the good progressive people will put up a fight.

Oh,

yeah,

sure,

Penny.

Maybe we can ask the keyboard warriors to put up an online petition or something.

That'll stop her,

you stupid bitch!

Oh!

I have returned.

Ha!

It's just Pete,

everybody.

False alarm.

Who?

Pete.

Remember,

we were going to execute him the other day.

Oh,

vaguely.

He's just a nobody,

aren't you,

Pete?

He's just a big,

stupid,

dumb nobody.

Now hand over the victimhood.

I am the chosen one.

Shut up,

Pete.

You can't be the chosen one.

You're white.

You are appropriating oppression.

How dare you?

How dare you,

Greta!

I've been oppressed my entire life,

enslaved,

sentenced to death,

and most recently I was penetrated by a gay snake!

I'm so sorry!

Please,

forgive me.

All of you need to check your privilege,

for I am the one true victim.

I hear you.

I'm sorry.

Thank you for sharing your truth.

I apologize for everything always.

All hail the one true victim.

All hail Pete.

I hope it.

High on pit.

High on pit.

Thank you.

People of Nam!

Today we acknowledge the one true victim.

Paint.

Henceforth,

there shall be no criticism of Pete.

He is forever perfect and great and correct.

He is so pure that he shall never be portrayed as a villain again.

We must believe all Pete's and put little Pete emojis in our bios.

And from now on,

this land will be known as the sovereign state of Petoria,

where Pete's life matters and no one else's.

Hey,

man,

what about Gregler?

Anti-Pete speech laws are now in full effect and every day will be

International Pete Recognition Day and all the TV shows and the

movies must be directed and star a Pete.

and can only be about Pete and Pete-related struggles.

For Pete's sake,

we do this,

not because we feel guilty,

but because we love Pete,

we adore Pete,

and we are utterly addicted to Pete because we are pedophiles.

Hail the one true victim!

Hail Pete!

Ugh.

HUH!

Good morning,

Murray.

How you feeling?

Yeah,

pretty good,

actually.

Thanks,

yeah.

Oh wait,

that's right!

I DON'T HAVE ANY LEGS!

I wanna go home!

You haven't left this room in weeks.

Let's go for a walk.

I've got no legs,

you foul woman!

Leave me alone!

Come on,

you.

Let's get you in your chair.

No!

No!

I don't want to!

Come on.

I want to show you something.

What do you want to show me,

you right-wing nutjob?

Murray,

you've been living in the bubble.

I want to show you the real Australia.

Welcome to Alice Springs.

Don't welcome me to my own country.

Tree.

I thought Alice Springs was a hell hole.

Not anymore.

Now it's one of the greatest places on Earth.

Yeah,

right.

Greatest place on Earth.

Then why is there a bloke just running around with a machete?

Guess it's still the stamp capital of the world,

huh?

Actually,

there's zero crime now and machetes are tools,

not weapons.

Prime Minister.

If this place is so great,

why the hell are you demolishing the settling?

We don't need it.

Plus,

we need to make room for the stock exchange.

The theme parks,

and the Alice Springs Opera House.

The Alice Springs Symphony Orchestra is playing tonight.

Yeah,

right.

Still got black fellas drinking in the middle of the day.

No,

he's a sommelier,

a part of the thriving culinary scene here in Alice.

We've got some of the world's best chefs,

best restaurants,

and best cafes here.

I don't normally drink this lefty stuff,

but these short black fellas make an excellent almond cappuccino.

Thanks,

Prime Minister.

Yeah,

well,

look at this bloke.

He looks like he's on another planet.

Well,

he has been.

He's adjusting to Earth's gravity after six years in space with the

Alice Springs Space Program.

Pretty cool what you can achieve with sensible policies,

hey?

Whoa,

so you're saying that out here,

everyone's equal?

The color of your skin doesn't matter.

And even an Aboriginal guy like me could one day walk on the moon.

That's exactly what I'm saying.

Yeah,

except for the fact that I don't have any legs!

Prime Minister.

We've got a situation.

It's the bubble!

Of course it's the bubble.

Oh yeah,

that'd be right.

Just leave me here to-Report.

Hundreds of them migrating out of Melbourne.

I don't blame him.

Haha!

Wait!

They're not just leaving.

They're infecting the country.

You're right.

They've infected the universities.

Reality is something we no longer observe.

But something Pete has endured.

The national airlines.

Ladies and gentlemen,

we'd like to acknowledge that all flights take place in the context of Pete's suffering.

The Victorian Parliament is apologising to Pete again!

We're sorry!

No!

Beats a life!

He found the victimhood and now he's taking over the world.

He's a colonizer.

Bubbles expanding.

The more support he builds,

the bigger it's getting.

If we don't stop him.

All of Australia becomes one big bubble.

What's going on?

It's the ABC.

My fellow Australians,

we're a country that talks about a fair go,

but we don't always face the hurt we're built on.

Tonight,

I'm asking you to look properly.

This is Pete,

the one true victim.

And for all his pain,

he deserves our pity.

It's propaganda.

Turn it off!

I can't.

Don't look at the screen!

Ah!

We need to stop him before it's too late.

I don't know Prime Minister,

don't you think he's suffered enough?

Bro!

Bro!

Bro!

Oh!

Murray,

you know the bubble.

I need you to help me stop him.

Help me save Australia.

What's Australia ever done for me?

Australia's given me nothing but grief since I was born.

And now,

on top of everything,

I don't have any legs.

And Pete gets to be the one true victim?

Give me a break.

Now,

if you'll excuse me,

I've got a pity party to get to.

Power's off.

Yeah,

that'd be wrong.

Of course.

Thank you.

Damn it!

Where else are we going to find someone that knows the lay of the bubble?

There is another.

Private Lance reporting for duty,

ma'am.

Don't call me ma'am.

I'm the Prime Minister.

Now pass me your bag.

No can do,

Pauline.

I'm a man now.

I'll load my own bag.

Fine.

I don't care.

Permission to say goodbye to my very pregnant wife?

pregnant wife?

Progressives.

I'm gonna go fight these commies down in Nam.

I know.

And I'm coming with you.

No,

Stacy,

you can't.

You're pregnant.

It's too dangerous.

I'm not afraid of danger.

See,

Stacey,

you need to accept biological reality.

What am I supposed to do,

huh?

Stay here,

clean the house,

make sure there's a roast chook on the table when you get back?

Yes,

thank you.

That sounds amazing.

No,

I want to go on the mission.

I can fly the chopper.

Come on,

you don't know how to fly a helicopter.

I'll figure it out.

I can do anything.

I'm the female lead.

Come on,

Stacy.

Start living in the real world.

I know you think I'm useless.

I heard what you said to Bill under the truck.

What are you talking about?

We were just a couple of men talking about motor mechanics.

Stop gaslighting me!

Lance,

it's time to go.

Coming,

Pauline.

Coming,

Pauline.

Oh,

I see.

You've got the hots for her,

don't ya?

Oh,

for the last time,

no,

I'm not cheating on you with Pauline Hanson.

You're being hysterical.

You're so mean.

Stacey,

listen,

you're a woman.

You don't need to be flying choppers and fighting wars like me.

We have different roles.

There's no shame in staying here.

I couldn't do it.

I don't know how to cook or clean.

I've never even used a vacuum.

You know,

in many ways,

the real battle's fought here,

in the laundry,

in the kitchen.

That's where you belong.

Lance?

Now.

Wait for me,

Pauline!

We've got to take down those shields.

Fire!

That did nothing!

Okay,

that almost did something.

Looks like we're gonna need something really big to penetrate that.

Send in the nuke.

At your service,

Prime Minister!

Who let the blind guy fly the moon?

All right,

Bill.

Aim directly for the bubble.

Bubbles!

What about— Go!

GO GO GO HULA!

Thank you.

Oh no,

look!

Don't worry,

Pauline.

I'll protect you.

Get off me.

Well,

well,

well.

Busted.

I knew you two were up to no good.

Stacy,

it's not what it looks like.

We're done.

Forget the baby,

forget the house,

forget the minivan.

No,

not the minivan,

please!

Wait,

who's flying the chopper?

Thank you.

Are you okay?

I can't feel the baby.

Oh no!

I know exactly who to blame for this!

Patriarchy.

Look at me,

filled with all this violent testosterone.

I've become so dominating and oppressive.

Will you shut up?

We're in danger.

Yeah,

you're not wrong,

Pauline.

Be careful.

You're just a sex object to me now.

Who knows what I'll do?

No,

you idiot.

You're not the danger.

Ah,

yes.

Well done,

you two.

You brought us Pauline Hanson.

Wait until the all-powerful Pete hears about this.

All hail the almighty paint!

I'm so tired from shooting all those people out of the sky.

Peace.

You look awful.

No,

he doesn't.

He looks great.

Pete always looks great.

He's the best.

Oh,

that's so mean.

He's sick.

It's sucking the life out of him.

Oh,

shut up,

Pauline.

Stop telling it like it is.

Take her away!

Daddy,

no.

Pauline's right.

Look at him.

He's weak.

What?

No,

he's not.

He's strong.

How dare you speak to Pete like that?

After all he's been through.

After all you've put him through.

We all know the truth.

You enslaved Pete.

You whipped Pete.

You tried to cut Pete's balls off.

We've all harmed Pete.

All we can do is atone for eternity.

And pity him.

Forever.

I just felt the baby.

How can we bring a child into this world that's been so cruel to peace?

You're right.

Let's get an abortion.

Yes!

Us pedophile elites love a child sacrifice!

Sir,

what should we do with Pauline Hanson?

Something us lefties have wanted to do for a very long time.

Prepare the gallows.

Tonight,

we're going to execute Pauline Hayes.

I'm out.

Ha!

I'm sorry,

Mari.

Looks like no one came to your pity party.

Hmm.

Do you want to stay for a while?

No thanks.

I don't care either!

You're pathetic.

Don't come back!

Yeah,

Rod.

This is it,

huh?

This is how I talk.

What?

Is that-Yep!

The big RSO in the sky.

Told ya.

Bill!

You're dead!

Yeah,

apparently I got hit by a bubble or something.

Came out of bloody nowhere!

White.

OMDID!

Gah!

And I still don't have any legs.

Why don't I get a cool little ghost tail like you?

I don't know!

Hey,

why don't we go ask one of your ancestors?

They're all in there!

What is this?

My brothers!

Murray!

Oh,

look,

everyone!

Murray's here!

Hello,

Murray.

Jolly good to see you,

old chap.

Oh wow Murray,

who do you want to talk to first?

Yeah!

Take me to that one!

Have a look at that.

Coming up after the break,

we're going to be heading down to the PCG where we'll be executing

Pauline Hanson live on the ABC.

Yep,

that's your fault.

My fault!

I didn't do anything!

Exactly!

You did nothing.

And now have a look at your mate.

The victimhood's killing him!

And Aunty Pauline's the only one that can free him from it.

Once they kill her,

This game over.

Yeah,

yeah,

righto,

let me guess.

This is the part where I'm meant to have this big character change

moment and suddenly become a hero.

Well,

I'm not.

Just a legless aboriginal.

Oh!

Dammit,

you suck!

You think our mob has survived 65,

000 years acting like victims?

I thought it was billions of years.

Cut it out.

We're not victims.

We're survivors.

We endured the harshest country on Earth.

Yeah,

well,

I've got some very traumatic news for you,

mate.

It's not our country anymore.

Of course it is.

People worked these lands,

the stations,

the railways,

the stock routes— we fought wars for a country we didn't even have equal rights in.

We didn't complain,

we contributed,

because we were not resentful.

Yeah,

well,

it's not fair.

History's not fair.

There's no point dwelling on it.

Throwing a bloody pity party for yourself.

Pathetic.

You know,

you might have gotten away with that sort of stuff in your little bubble thing,

but not out here.

Doesn't pass the pup test.

What am I supposed to do about it then?

You know,

there's an ancient Aboriginal saying.

Shit happens!

Just keep truckin'!

Yeah,

that's a good sign.

Someone should make that a sticker.

Alrighty,

let's kill Pauline Hanson right after this commercial break.

You gonna stay knocked out,

Murray?

Or are you gonna make your ancestors proud for once?

Get back up and save the day.

Yeah.

Yeah,

I've learned my lesson.

I'm not gonna be a victim anymore!

I'm gonna be a hero!

Oh,

wait,

that's right.

I'm dead.

Come on,

mate,

you might be a Legolasnap original.

I did,

yeah!

Well I think I've dragged this execution out long enough.

For crimes against Pete Pauline Hayson,

you are sentenced to death.

Look at her,

couldn't even show her face.

Haha!

And with you out of the picture,

there's nothing that can stop Pete from becoming the one true victim forever!

Huh?

It ain't easy.

Elbow,

wake up!

Snap out of it!

Ah!

What?

Murray,

what's going on?

We were wrong.

Pauline Hanson's not the most evil person in the world.

What?!

Really?

No way.

Yes way.

It's the victimhood that's bad.

And she's the only one that can rescue Pete.

We need to untie her.

Okay,

jeez.

I'm so stupid.

What a dumb fool I am.

It's nearly over,

Pete.

I've just got to crawl over here and rescue Pauline and then— I'm

afraid I can't let you do that,

Nose.

Oh my— Bro,

I snapped your head off!

Oh,

he's just pretending.

I'm a liar,

Murray.

It's a trick I learned long ago.

I can't have that pesky Pauline Hanson taking away Pete's victimhood.

I need him to be my perpetual victim,

but he's gonna suffer forever.

Exactly.

Don't you see?

He's suffering.

That's my resource.

The more dependent he is,

the more powerful I become.

It's the victimhood industrial complex.

You're evil.

No,

you're evil!

You've been hanging around those cookers too long.

Why would you want to take away someone's victimhood?

That's evil.

Oh.

Now look into the little rainbow thing,

Murray.

Oh!

That's right.

Murray,

pity him.

Feel the pity take hold of Amazing.

I feel so sorry Piss off!

Those cookers taught me a thing or two!

Oh!

You fool!

Why are you protecting Pauline Hanson?

She hates you.

She hates all us progressives.

No,

she doesn't.

She just hates the victimhood and the identity politics that fetishises it.

I've seen the real world.

And out there,

people aren't dwelling on the trauma of the past.

They're optimistic about what the future holds.

And hey,

isn't that what being a progressive is all about?

It's a beautiful speech,

Murray!

Ugh!

Let me give you a hand!

SHUT UP!

Could have all worked out for you,

Murray,

but oh,

no.

You just had to get sucked in by Pauline Hanson and her stupid ideology,

didn't you?

Well,

hold on to your tinfoil hat,

you right-wing nutjob,

and watch what I'm about to do to your political hero.

Pain.

I failed you.

I killed Pauline Hanson!

I killed Pauline Hanson!

Ha ha!

Behold!

The head of the nastiest bitch in all of Australian politics!

She's alive!

SHE'S ALIVE!

Thank you.

It's over,

Paulie!

He's weaponizing the victim!

What are you going to do about it,

you legless aboriginal?

It's time for you to finally shut up,

boy.

Eat the rainbow,

you stupid!

Ow!

I might be a legless aboriginal.

But I still got me boomerang arm.

Oh no!

Now I'm brain dead!

I've been saying that for years.

PEAK!

Alright,

let's free him of the victimhood.

Oh,

I'm sorry,

Stacey.

I don't know what came over me.

I know exactly what came over me.

And I'm glad he did.

I don't want to see you holding a vacuum ever again.

Deal.

Now what do you say we go get that minivan,

eh?

Murray!

You okay?

Yeah,

mate.

It's just a scratch.

I'm not a sock.

Oh,

Murray,

I'm so sorry.

I accept your apology.

Now come here!

Oi.

I accept your apology too,

Murray.

Don't rush me.

I wasn't apologising.

I lost me arms and legs trying to save you.

I literally went out on a limb for you.

Oh,

yep,

yep,

yep,

yep,

yep.

And I'd do it again.

Nice reconciliation,

douchebags!

Now I'm the biggest victim!

I grew up in public housing!

I inherited a bad economy!

I have a micro-Thank you.

Did I hit something?

Haha!

Atta girl,

Stacey!

What?

What do I hear?

Oh I'm such a bad driver.

Now that's satisfying female representation.

Shut up and give me some of that patriarchal overage.

Aw!

Get a room,

you two!

Nah.

He doesn't love Grant.

Oh,

I've gotta get out of Melbourne And that's the very true story of

how Australia became the greatest place on Earth.

Again.

I love Australia!

We all do,

kids.

We all do.

Who's ready to go to the pool for swimming lessons?

Yay!

Thanks,

Daddy!

Right after we stopped the evil elbow from destroying the country,

we all decided to stop living in a bubble.

We keep the victimhood in a museum,

where people can learn about it as a part of history,

but it can't infect anyone ever again.

And without the victimhood floating around,

we got to clean this place up.

We stopped forcing everyone who loves the sword he's most oppressed

and started celebrating Australian heroes again.

And the statues stay up.

Have a look at old Bill.

What a hero.

I miss you.

But I just know he's looking down on us from that big RSL in the skull.

AH!

Who said that?

We got rid of the generation in trauma centres and we turned them

into maternity wards.

Melbourne's so safe,

so affordable and so livable,

it's the perfect place to raise a family.

In that right station,

Lance.

We're actively trying for number three.

Yeah,

anything's possible here in Melbourne.

You can go from the bottom rung of society and make it all the way to the top.

That's right,

little old Pete's the Mayor of Melbourne now.

On day one,

He freed the slaves.

Keeping the prisons for only society's biggest scumbags.

Those that have done horrific damage to our country.

Along with murderers and rapists and stuff.

Yep,

Melbourne's thriving.

Actually,

all of Australia's thriving.

Thanks to Prime Minister Pauline Hanson,

Australia's become the world's most dominant superpower.

Pretty cool what you can achieve with sensible policies,

eh?

Look,

Australia's not perfect.

We still have problems to solve,

but we solve them together.

Because we're one people.

Not nice.

We're Australians.

And yeah,

we might disagree at times.

But there's one thing we can all agree on.

Australia is the greatest place on Earth.

Always was.

Wise move.

MWAH!

I will respect my pron— Thank you.

Not all ladies have ovaries.

I have a penis.

They say that I'm a he,

but I'm a she.

Cause I got a V and not a D,

and I don't care what people say.

I was born this way,

it's in my DNA.

I'm a real biological woman.

My baby has new gym.

But it's a bad nothing.

Don't choke on it.

Yeah.

It is embedded in my genes.

I've sunk from the river to the sea.

Q plus,

you bigot.

Lefty,

a real diabolical Lefty ideology,

feeding hate on me.

I'll intimidate,

I'll indoctrinate.

I'm a real diabolical Lefty,

a real diabolical.

Let's do it.

We identify.

I'm so far left that you look for.

All right,

if you're pale,

stale,

and male,

get out of my sight.

Got two dads in every TV ad.

No one wants a hetero,

cause they're contraband.

Welcome to country,

it's not your land.

Oh,

who says it ain't?

It's your wife's boyfriend.

Ha ha ha ha!

Now this privilege is sinking in my drain.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

To be by my side,

woman,

real diabolical,

lefty,

real pathological,

so fake,

real biological,

mwah,

woman.