Original subtitles

Why are you doing this to me?

Why?

I know he didn't see us.

Are you sure he can't hear?

That's what the helmet's for.

Attention all Sigma Alpha Chi wannabes.

This is your one-way trip to the Gamma Gamma Gamma Sorority Nude Beer Bash.

Anybody interested?

I don't know who you are, but I do not like this.

We'll leave him in the Bronx somewhere.

Gotta teach these plebes they're not Sege Kai worthy.

Guys, come gettin' Loseritis.

Sorry Gary, you're on geek duty.

Hey, it's a rented limo, gotta make sure he doesn't wet the seat.

You shouldn't have done this.

I am so sick of this sort of thing.

Whatever.

Duh.

I can't.

Duh.

Duh.

He's squirming around that here.

He's not going anywhere.

Duh.

When are people gonna learn?

It's New York.

Nothing beats the subway.

Max Dillon?

Duh.

Let's see, I'm backwards, so...turning the batteries... sorry!

Don't worry buddy.

Duh.

Hey.

Duh.

Where?

Oh.

What?

Whoa.

What the hell?

This is concrete!

Are you okay?

Any idea who did this to you?

No!

No!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Let's knock our brilliant heads together and discuss alkoxy-mercuration.

Alkoxy-mercuration.

And, of course, I don't have to tell you any of this because you've all read your chapters.

But alkoxy-mercuration involves the addition of mercury, mercury and an alkoxy group to

a double bond.

Proceeds via the formation of a cyclic-mercurinium ion, usually by a solution of mercuric acetate

in an alcohol.

The alcohol attacks the more highly-substituted carbon.

We then follow this with a sodium borohydride reduction.

Does anyone know what the result of...

Ether?

Excuse me?

The result is ether, Dr. Williams.

Yes, Mr. Parker.

The result is ether.

But that doesn't change the fact that I find lateness completely unacceptable.

I apologize.

I overslept.

For three o'clock, class?

I think I need a new alarm clock.

Actually.

All right, class, please review your periodic tables for tomorrow and be prepared to discuss

oxidation.

Will you be joining us, Mr. Parker?

Yes, ma'am.

So I begged the bugle to give me an actual job, not just the freelance stuff.

What would they say?

They told me McDonald's is hiring all shifts.

Dude, all the fries you can eat.

You don't even need to supersize.

Hey, guys.

Hey, MJ.

Wow.

Is that Harry Osborn awake before 6 p.m.?

Yeah, what's up with that?

Sigma party tonight.

You there?

There's a party?

Yeah, I'm there.

You?

Oh, yeah, I'm definitely party-deprived.

There's a party?

Hello.

What's the diff, Pete?

Every time anyone anywhere asks you to do anything, you're, like, unavailable.

Not always.

Uh-huh.

Hey.

Hey, Pete.

There's a party tonight at the segments.

Want to come?

I got to study.

How about if I come late?

He's not coming.

I'm serious.

He is so not coming.

Yeah.

Unless later means...

Never.

Hello?

I said I'm coming.

What am I, invisible?

The police are still checking spiders.

What do you mean?

What are you doing?

I don't know.

What do you mean?

I don't know.

What do you mean?

What do you mean?

I don't know.

What do you mean?

The police are still checking Spider-Man's involvement in the runaway vehicle.

Give me a break.

Just a little one, even.

Dude needs a publicist.

He does?

I mean, yeah.

Does he ever?

You okay?

Depends on how you define "okay."

Okay.

For starters, what happened to your face?

Here's a young college student from Empire State University was trapped inside...

You were there?

That was me in the car.

Man!

Who would do that?

I don't know.

I couldn't see or hear on account of the duct tape and stupid helmet over my head.

They nabbed me in the alley right over there, so I wouldn't be surprised if it's some A-wipe

on campus.

It's sure full of them.

You know, Peter, sometimes this whole college thing feels like high school all over again.

For once, I just like to...

I don't know, not be a human pinata.

Yeah.

Hey, you know what they say.

"College is just high school with ashtrays."

Whoa.

Now, there's a guy who knows how to do cool.

Doug Reisman.

Max, come on.

Don't.

Hey.

Uh...

Hey.

Yeah?

Uh, yeah.

Um...

Uh, Max.

Max Dillon?

I-I'm pledging you guys.

Oh, I mean, um, I-I'm hoping to pledge into Sigma, you know?

It's rush week, you know?

I mean...

Well, not-not-not now.

Well, Sigma's a great house.

You definitely ought to give it a shot.

Well, yeah, I-I was just, like, like, you know, saying hey and all that.

So I-I'm sorry.

What was your name again?

Max Dillon.

Max-Max Dillon.

Max Dillon.

We're having a little soiree tonight.

You should definitely come by.

What?

Sincerely.

Bring some food.

A nice casserole would be lovely.

Really?

No.

Cool.

I'll-I'll be there, man.

Thanks.

Come on, Max.

Let's go.

I'm talking to people.

Is there a problem here?

Actually, I think the problem was just starting to go away.

I'm looking a little too good there, Peter.

Let's get out of here, Max.

Those guys aren't worth it.

Why?

'Cause they wanted me instead of you?

Just stay out of it, Peter.

Hey, Harry.

007 just called.

He wants his life back.

Harry Osborn.

Harry Osborn.

Speaking of which, Mr. Suavebola, I can't believe you're in the same fraternity as that

loser Doug Reisman.

It's a time-honored Osborn family tradition.

Join an obnoxious fraternity.

Learn the people skills necessary to take control of a multinational corporation.

Start having martinis every night before dinner.

That's a great story.

Can you tell it again?

Of course.

I don't know what's supposed to happen next on account of Spider-Man murdering my father.

So, I just accelerated the whole process.

Whatever.

You sure you don't want to come to the Sigma Alpha Chi party?

Yeah, that would be nice if I didn't blow it so bad in Professor Williams' class today.

Oh, suit yourself.

Well, by the way, MJ and I have got a little bet going.

I've got 25 riding on you not showing up.

For some reason, she believes in you.

Hey, bro, Doug.

Yeah, later.

Okay.

Who's Mr. Logan?

That's Max Dillon.

He was in high school with us.

Who was?

Huh.

Guess he didn't make a big impression.

He's harmless.

Max Dillon, you've been chosen to enter the inner circle of the Sigma Brotherhood Council.

Follow me.

Max Dillon, surrounding you is the sacred inner circle of the Sigma Grand Council.

Charged with the solemn responsibility of selecting those who shall become our brothers

for life.

Each has sworn an oath to protect the ranks of the Sigma Brotherhood.

Do you understand?

Yes, I understand.

Are you now ready to receive their judgment?

I am.

Then we shall begin.

Brothers of Sigma Alpha Chi.

Let's say you to Max Dillon.

No, but I thought...

Commence the rejection ritual.

Sucks to be you.

Hey, Max, what's wrong?

Are you okay?

I hope you are brought and done.

Max?

I'm so stupid.

Oh, God, I'm so stupid.

Max, I'm so stupid.

I'm so stupid.

I'm so stupid.

I'm so stupid.

Max, I'm so stupid.

What the hell?

This isn't studying.

It should be no big.

Why not just go to a party like everyone else?

Just 'cause I'm not like everyone else?

I bet the X-Men get to go to parties.

Would the world like come to an end if Spider-Man took one lousy night off?

What

I

Hate you all it's lights out time static, man

Oh

Cute trick. Where were you when we had an energy crisis?

Not very civic-minded

Stay out of my way deal right after this

Oh

Sorry

You are grounded more ways than one

Oh

You didn't think I could be one of you you didn't think I was good enough

Let's see how you like joining my club

Oh

Seriously, so what's your deal Sparky?

Max what's happened to you don't know they don't understand max. You can't do this to innocent people. No one is innocent

Look who's got power

Doesn't have to be like this. I know what it's like

You

Max

No idea what he really is

Harry come on come on

Hello good guy saved your butt me

Oh

Police say they are still seeking spider-man for questioning about the incident

But campus sources tell this reporter that if it wasn't for spider-man, there would have been a far greater loss of life

I hope I never have to see anything like that again

If you could have seen the hate in that that creature's eyes, I

Must have just missed it Doug sure pissed off a lot of folks, but he didn't deserve to get fried

Just missed it you were there. Uh-huh. I got there late. Like I said, I would I couldn't find you guys

He showed you only 25 bucks

After all hell broke loose that doesn't count whatever

I'm just glad you two got out of there in one piece

They're starting to close up. We better go. Yeah

You coming in a minute

Ever wonder what my life is like

It's like this

Choosing the sight of good doesn't necessarily make you a hero

Not with everyone on the other hand there are worse fates. I

Just hope wherever Max is

He's finally found some peace

You