Original subtitles

( upbeat piano theme playing )

( laughs ) Good morning, Antonio.

Uh-- Helen.

You're certainly in a good mood today.

I know, I know. Last night, I-I-- I saw

a very, very funny program on the television.

Um...they-- They-- They were playing them one after another.

What was it? Well, I don't remember the name,

but it was all about this very funny couple

named Fred and Ethel.

Oh, you're talking about I Love Lucy.

Lucy. Oh, right, the neighbor.

Well, that's right.

There's a Lucy marathon on this weekend.

She is hysterical. BRIAN: Oh, please,

you know, I-I-I know it's un-American,

but I just think that show is so...stupid.

I do. I do.

I mean, one week Lucy's stuck on a ledge

dressed as Superman--

ha-ha, yeah, great. --and then--

And then the next week she's posing as a hot dog vendor

trying to meet Bob Hope.

( laughing ): Yeah, yeah. Bob Hope.

I mean, no one in their right mind would do those things.

Oh, come on, what are you talking about?

You do stupider stuff than that every day of your life.

Okay, okay. I've been known to push the envelope,

but I've never crawled inside, stamped it,

and mailed myself to John Wayne.

( upbeat theme playing )

Damn it.

Boy, you don't even look up anymore, do you?

I'm talking about this.

Clint Black is performing tonight in Boston,

but it's sold out.

Oh, really? You're a fan?

I'm a huge fan. Really?

I'd kill to see one of his shows. Hm.

It just makes me mad. Mm.

You and me both. I can't believe that bum

is this close by and hasn't even called me.

Who?

Clint.

Black. We're old friends.

What're you doing? Checking my driver's license.

I wanna make sure I wasn't born yesterday.

Okay.

Yeah, you don't believe me, don't believe me.

It's okay. You actually know Clint Black? The Clint Black?

Didn't I just say that?

How do you know him?

We used to hang out together.

You know, before he was anybody.

Well, gee, if you really do know him, you think...

Yeah? ...you know, you could maybe--

Get tickets? Um...well...

for you, uh...

okay, I'll see what I can do.

Brian, if you can really pull this off,

I promise I won't forget it. Hm.

I can't believe you actually know Clint Black.

Oh, come-- Will you relax?

He's-- He's just another guy.

Clint Black. Heh.

Who's Clint Black?

( upbeat theme playing )

Look...it's one baggage-o

per ticket-o... or no fly-o.

Pay extra-o. Oh, Roy?

He obviously doesn't understand you.

Now, it just so happens that I know a little Spanish.

Uh-- Uh, allow me. Señor, no es permito mas--

Pardon. Pardon, Madame.

Je ne vous comprends pas.

Oh, uh... y-you speak French.

Well, uh, let's see. Um...

( in French accent ) Only one, um...

Uh, le suitcase pour,

uh, le passenger.

Oh. Merci. Oh.

It's amazing how

a foreign language comes back to you.

( chuckles )

Hey, Alex. Helen...

I've gotta ask you something.

Yeah?

Does Brian know Clint Black?

Clint Black, the singer?

( giggles )

Is that what he told you?

Well, I mean-- ( giggles )

And you believed him?

Well, I didn't say that.

I just thought-- ( laughing )

Okay, okay. I fell for it.

I don't mean to laugh at you.

It's just that is such vintage Brian. Heh.

Once he told this girl in high school

that he knew one of the Apollo astronauts.

And he even called her up on the phone

in this really nasally voice,

and told 'em he was calling long-distance from the moon.

And she bought it?

Well, he did sound real, and I was kind of lonely.

He said he could get tickets to see Clint Black.

So let him. At least you'll

get to see the show.

No. If he doesn't know him, there's no way.

The concert's completely sold out.

Even better. Watching Brian squirm out of a lie

is some of the best entertainment available today.

Watch and learn. Hey, Brian. Thanks.

Alex told me that

you could get us tickets to see Clint Black.

"Us?"

Uh, well, she told me that you knew him,

and so we figure,

you know, it'd be just as easy to get three as two.

Did you? I-I hope that's not a problem.

I mean, you and Clint being friends and all, I figured--

Oh. No, no, no, no, no, no. No problem at all.

You know Clint well enough to get two tickets,

you know him well enough to get...three.

You're good.

Well, once Brian starts tap dancing,

it's just a matter of knowing when to roll

the marbles across the floor.

( upbeat theme playing )

Yes, hello. Uh, ticket office?

Yes. Uh, this is Monsignor Hackett.

I'm calling for the cardinal about tickets

to the Clint Black concert.

Yes-- Yeah-- Yes, I'm aware that the cardinal

already has his tickets, but, uh,

he also would like the three seats behind him

to be kept vacant.

Yes. The cardinal is a nut about wearing his hat.

And he-- Hello?

What was that? ( hangs up )

Just trying to score tickets to see Clint Black

in concert for tonight.

Why? You don't even like country music.

Yeah, I know, but Alex does, and I promised her seats. So...

Oh, what's that, Lucy? You say you're in a bit of a pickle?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh. Oh, wait a minute.

Don't tell me you dusted off that old, uh,

"we're old buddies" routine?

Yes, I did.

Ah. After all the stupid things I've pulled,

I knew she'd never believe I'd be stupid enough

to pull that one.

But I fooled her. Heh. I am.

Great, fine.

L-look, I just want you to know something.

Just because you and I have been competing for Alex

doesn't mean that I'm secretly hoping that this'll blow up--

( laughs )

God, I can't even say that with a straight face.

Brian. Listen, uh,

tell Joe I checked out those cylinders,

and they're okay. Yeah, sure.

Wait. Lowell, Lowell, come here, come here.

Uh...

Oh, man. W-would you by...any chance

know anyone who's got three tickets

to see Clint Black tonight?

Three tickets to see Clint Black.

Huh. Three tickets.

Whoa. Sorry, Brian, I can't help you out.

I had a heck of a time getting ahold of these four tickets.

Wait, wait. Lowell, Lowell. Wait, wait.

Y-you got four tickets to see him?

I didn't know you were a fan.

Well, actually, I've never seen him, uh...

dance?

Sing.

Rock 'n' roll? Country.

Rockabilly?

I have no idea. Th-- This is unbelievable.

You have four tickets to see him,

you don't even know who he is?

Well, it doesn't matter. I mean,

Tucker, Thom, Dewey and I just go to the concerts

to find stuff under the bleachers.

Hey. You know, when the Rolling Stones were in town,

I got 13.50 and a glass eye.

I'll give you two hundred bucks.

Gosh, I don't know, Brian.

I mean, I still get a lot of laughs

when I pop it out of my mouth at parties.

Lowell. I'm talking about the tickets.

Wanna buy them from you. Oh, he-- No.

These guys are my friends, and they've been looking forward

to this concert for a long time.

I can't let 'em down. I'm sorry, Brian.

I-- I can't help you.

Three hundred bucks.

I didn't say they were good friends.

Hey, girls. Hey, Brian.

Oh, by the way, uh... spoke to Clint and, uh,

everything's set for tonight.

Wait, you-- You actually got three tickets, Brian?

Well, no, uh, heh, actually, four.

Lowell wants to go too, you know.

Gosh.

Brian, I'm-- I'm really impressed.

Yeah, well, uh, maybe this'll teach you both

never to doubt me.

When I tell you I know somebody, I know them.

So what do you say, uh,

you guys meet me back here at 6:00?

We'll go out, have something to eat. Then we'll be...

on our way.

Great. Okay.

Can't wait to meet him.

Meet who?

Well, Clint Black.

Oh. Oh, Brian, you're not gonna go all that way

to see your friend in concert

and then not go backstage, are you?

No, no, no. Uh, uh, you know-- Uh, I was.

There's not a problem, is there?

No. No, no. 'Cause you know him, right?

Absolutely.

You don't think you can get backstage to see Clint

merely by slipping a security guy

a hundred-dollar bill...

do you?

No way. You'd have to know him.

Uh, r-- Right. Right.

Lucky thing I know him.

He doesn't know him.

( Clint Black playing "Nobody's Home" )

( crowd cheering )

Since you left Everybody says

I'm not the guy They've known

The lights are on

But nobody's home

The lights are on

But nobody's home

( song ends, cheering )

CLINT: People of Boston, thanks for coming.

Whoo! Whoo!

Yeah. Great concert. Oh. What a hunk.

Do you think Brian was able to get those backstage passes?

Look, Alex,

I know the air's a little thin way up here

in the "we know Clint Black" section, but get real.

This is the closest you're gonna get to him.

Lowell, you've hardly seen any of the concert.

What're you doing down there?

Well, let me answer that question with a question, Helen.

In the last fifteen minutes,

did either one of you lose a retainer?

No. Oh, yes!

Brian, where have you been?

You missed the whole last set. Oh.

Man, I was, uh--

I was backstage talking to Clint's manager.

Bad news. Right after the show,

he's gotta go back to Nashville.

No, he doesn't.

Uh, yeah, yeah. He does. He does.

So I think we might as well--

Clint's not leaving. There's a party tonight at his hotel.

Uh, are you sure about that?

Yeah, my girlfriend's uncle is the bass player's cousin.

Gee, Brian, I wonder why his manager

would tell you he's leaving. ( sighs )

Well...it's fairly obvious, isn't it?

He resents my friendship with Clint.

Where did you say the party was?

Clint's hotel. Oh, no. Not that place.

Gee, with traffic and all, we'd have to--

It's right across the street.

--really make sure that we stay in the crosswalk.

We don't want to get ourselves a jaywalking ticket, now, do we?

Well, thank you very much, my dear.

And I'll see you across the street in room, uh...

The penthouse. The roomy penthouse.

Yes, of course. The one that, uh, Clint always opts for

when he plays, uh, this place. Lowell?

Lowell? Oh. Right here, Helen.

Come on, let's go. Okay.

Hey. A wallet.

Whoa. Oh, it's full of money...

credit cards...

pictures of my kids...

( grunts )

Let's go.

( upbeat theme playing )

MAN ( on TV ): Stay tuned as the Lucy marathon continues.

Next, Lucy takes a job at a candy factory.

Hey. How many of these shows can you take?

It's-- It's like my mother's baked ziti.

One bite and I can't stop.

Of course...Lucy doesn't make you feel

like you have a potato stuck in your windpipe,

but then...

There is something about this show that bothers me.

You mean, how come Ricky was

in this country all those years

and never lost that annoying accent?

What accent?

No, I mean what Brian said.

Now, maybe no person in the real life

would do such crazy things.

Would it have killed you

to bribe a couple of waiters our size?

Listen, listen, listen. I did the best I could.

Okay, so, just-- Just...stop it.

Just stick by me and blend in, okay?

( piano music playing )

Oh, o-okay.

There he is. There he is. There's Clint.

Oh, okay. All I have to do now is...

talk him into meeting

Alex and Helen, and get the hell out of here.

Okay. Lowell, you follow me.

Grab those hors d'oeuvres.

Lowell. Lowell.

Use the tray.

Right. Uh, I didn't wanna seem greedy.

Champagne? Huh? Champagne? Hm?

Champagne?

Excuse me. Oh, uh, thanks. Sure.

Uh-- Really enjoyed the show tonight.

Thank you. Glad you could, uh,

get off work to come down.

Hey.

Look. Whoa-woo.

Oh.

Excuse me.

Can I have one of those?

Lowell, Lowell.

( chuckles ) Come here. Come here.

What're you doing?

Well, I was-- I was trying to hide the ones

I already took a bite out of. Right.

Please, please don't make

the security guy suspicious.

I said just try to blend in, okay?

Blend in, okay?

( all gasp ) Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh, my God. I'm sorry.

That's all right. Oh, I'm--

Oh, way to blend.

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Mr. Black.

I'm so sorry. It's okay. I'll just, uh...

It's, uh, my party. I guess the drinks should be on me.

Ha! I got it!

Hey, yeah.

Whoa. Ha-ha-ha.

Hey, drinks are on him.

( both laughing )

Hey. Huh?

You boys aren't really waiters now, are you?

We've gotta get back inside.

I know what you mean.

Those people are gonna be expecting dessert.

( upbeat theme playing )

Lowell. Hurry up, will you? I'm freezing.

I'm coming. What's the matter?

You're not acrophobic, are you?

No. I-I love spiders.

That's "arachnophobic."

Acrophobic is a fear of heights.

Right. Right.

But, you know, now that you mention it,

I once had a dream where I fell off a 30-story spider.

So I guess that would make me

arachno-acrophobic.

You know, come to think of it,

I-- I landed in a small, dark

enclosed space... so that would make me

claustro-arachno-acrophobic--

Give me your hand. Give me your hand. Okay?

Rocky-dokey. Come on. Come on, careful.

Give me your hand. Careful.

All right. Ah.

( exhales )

Has anyone ever told you that you have soft hands?

Like a girl's?

Yeah.

Okay, look...

Now pay attention, okay?

As soon as you get inside...okay,

I want you to distract the security guy while I go

and smooth things over with Clint.

All right. Then, listen to me.

Then take the elevator down to the lobby,

you pick up Alex and Helen, and bring 'em up here.

Okay? Yeah, okay.

Uh, except...

Alex and Helen are already in the party.

So I don't think they're gonna

wanna go down to the lobby with me...

and then come back up to the party.

Well, how the hell--? Ah. All right.

Well, that-- That changes our plans a little.

All right. Follow me. Do what I do. Okay.

Oh! Damn! It's locked.

Ooh.

Damn. It's locked.

I can't believe it, it's so cool.

We're actually in Clint Black's hotel room.

I can't wait to rub Brian's nose in this one.

We got in and they didn't.

Hm-hm. Oh, but they're close.

Well, if it isn't Lucy and Ethel.

Hey. Hey, how'd you guys, uh, get up here?

We met a couple guys in the lobby,

and they invited us up.

What're you guys doing out there?

Ah, well, you know,

the party was getting a little...stuffy

and, uh, Lowell here is claustrophobic.

Oh.

Brian, I thought I was telling you that in confidence.

So, obviously you guys, uh...

Uh, met Clint already

and found out he's a really nice guy,

so there's no sense sticking around--

No. Actually, we waited 'cause we knew

that you wanted to introduce him to us.

So, uh, there he is over there.

BRIAN: But-- So he is.

Listen, why don't you chat with the ladies here,

and I'll go, uh, get him.

Right.

Ah.

Excuse me, Mr. Black?

Hey, uh-- Oh, heck, watch that drink.

This is my only other jacket. Right.

No, that's okay, that's okay.

Uh, my-- My shift is over, and-- And I'm sorry.

And-- And I just wanted to apologize for before.

That's okay, don't worry about it.

Just, uh, enjoy the party. Okay.

Have a good time. Thanks. Thanks. Listen, Clint.

I'm sorry. You don't mind if I call you Clint, do you?

Uh, no. But listen, listen.

You know, you-- You would really be helping me out--

You would be really helping me out, uh, i-if you'd just--

If you'd just do me this one little favor.

Uh, just, I-- Hey, Clint. Phone.

You wanna call 'em back?

Uh, no. I, uh, really need to talk to,

um, whoever that is.

I'll, uh, be right back. Excuse me.

Oh, but, you know, it'll just take a second.

Just a-- I'll be right back.

It'll take less than a second.

A nanosecond.

Hey. I know what you're thinking.

And, uh, why don't I just,

you know, save you the trouble.

( sighs )

Ooh.

( upbeat theme playing )

All right, what did you say your name was? Rebecca Howe.

You know what, Clint. You can just call me Becky.

Becky, I'd love to help you, but, uh,

I have to leave town first thing in the morning.

Oh, that works for me. Could you come with me right now?

Please. I told my friends at the bar

that I know you real well. Sorry.

Maybe I could take a rain check and, uh, do it next year.

Next year. Well, we don't know where we're gonna be next year.

I'm sorry. I-- All right, fine. Fine.

Let me tell you something. I'm not calling at night anymore.

No more banana bread. Who do you think you are?

Gene Autry? I don't think so.

Hey, Slick. Oh.

What's with the flowers?

Well, the gift shop was out of chocolates, and, uh,

I hate coming to parties empty-handed.

You really stink at this, you know that?

I don't know how you got the tickets,

but...why don't you admit it?

You don't know Clint Black. Excuse me. Excuse me.

I think we saw Clint Black in concert.

I think we're in Clint Black's hotel room right now.

And lucky for me, he's coming here right now.

Just give me a minute with him alone. Just--

No. Excuse me, Mr. Black? Yes? Hi.

You don't know me, but this guy has been going on and on

all day about how you and he are best buddies.

Is that true? No.

I knew it.

Ha-ha. I'm kidding.

Heh. Actually, uh-- Uh...

how've you been, Brian?

Ha-ha-ha-- Better. Good, yeah?

Uh, where've you been? You get the tickets okay?

( laughs uncomfortably ): Yeah.

( giggles )

I can't believe this.

You-- You actually know him? Huh-heh-heh.

Yeah. I've known Brian for years.

Uh, tell her about the first time we met.

Uh, nah, nah.

You-- You-- You tell it better.

Yeah, I-- I was working in a club.

Brian was working there as a waiter.

Right. And he came over

and spilled an entire tray of drinks on me. ( laughs )

Stop it. You're embarrassing me. Clint.

This is so cool.

( giggles ) Oh, listen, listen.

( clears throat ) Clint.

Clint.

Uh, I'd like you to meet Alex Lambert.

She's a big fan of yours.

Hi, how are you? Nice to meet you.

Any friend of Brian's... Hm.

This is so cool.

Heh-heh-heh. This is just really...

cool. ( Brian giggling )

Listen, y'all are gonna stick around, right?

We've got a lot of catching up to do.

Oh. Heck, you know me, Clint.

You gotta throw me out of here.

( chuckles ) Yeah, I know.

Brian, I'm sorry I doubted you.

Mm, hey. Sometimes I can't believe I know Clint Black.

Hm.

That was so cool. ( giggles )

Do you ever watch a heavyweight fight,

and one guy's getting beat up so badly

that the referee has to come in and stop it?

You set this up?

Hey, you provided me

with a whole evening of entertainment. Oh.

Thank you. Thank you.

I guess...this is what friends are for, huh?

Yep. Always there for each other.

Yep. Through thick and thin.

Yep. You're gonna make me

pay for this for the rest of my life, aren't you?

Yep. Heh-heh.

( upbeat theme playing )

I owe you. Uh, no, you don't.

Yes, I do. I definitely owe you for tonight.

And not just for the tickets.

I never should have doubted you.

But you have to admit, I mean,

it did sound like one of your scams.

Well, yeah, I suppose I'd feel the same way

if I were in your place.

Is there any chance of that, uh, by the way?

I always carry my toothbrush.

Right. Hm-hm, right.

You know, before when I was sure

you didn't know Clint Black,

I was thinking that...anyone

who would go to all that trouble

and jump through all those hoops

just to...impress me,

well...you can't help but be flattered

and even a little attracted to a guy like that.

Really?

Of course, when I found out

that you really did know him,

kind of took the air out of it.

Well...see you.

( plaintive theme playing )

( mellow piano theme playing )