Original subtitles

( mellow theme playing )

JOE: Previously on Wings:

I'm gonna be playing

with the Boston Symphony Orchestra.

( engine faltering )

What's happening up there?

Something wrong with this engine?

Frost-free valve is clogged.

I don't know if we have enough fuel

to make it to Hyannis.

God, I can't believe this.

Oh, God.

( thunder crashes )

Lightening just took out our second engine.

( engine sputters, stops )

JOE: Prepare for water landing.

Set best glide speed. We're goin' in.

( suspenseful theme playing )

Shoo. That was close.

Man, I really thought we were gonna crash.

Oh, I was sure of it.

Oh, I am so happy to be here.

Well, it didn't help that you and Brian

both froze at the controls.

ALL: Ohhh.

But thank God Lowell was there

to land the plane.

( all cheer, applaud )

Lucky for us the U.S.S. Nimitz

was on maneuvers right below us.

HELEN: Whew.

Lowell...

was that your first carrier landing?

You okay, Lowell?

Uh, not really, Joe.

I'm feeling kinda woozy.

Well, that was quite a jolt

you took when we landed.

How many fingers am I holding up?

Which one of you?

That's woozy.

Oh.

What's that bright light?

ROY: What light?

That bright light.

I'm being drawn toward it.

( eerie theme playing )

What?

Am I dying, and passing over

to the other side?

MAN ( echoing ): Lowell?

Hey, what's that voice?

Lowell?

Is that you, Grandpa?

Grandpa Mather?

Lowell!

LOWELL ( echoing ): I'm coming, Grandpa.

Coming.

JOE ( normal voice ): Lowell.

( water running )

Lowell.

Lowell?

LOWELL: What?

Oh, thank goodness he's coming to.

You're not my grandpa.

HELEN: You were hallucinating.

You banged your head when we hit the water.

You mean we're not back at the airport?

No.

Well, where are we?

Actually...

that's a very good question.

( mellow theme playing )

So after the plane crashed,

Joe got the lifeboat inflated

and then we all climbed in.

Isn't any of this coming back to you?

Not really, Fay.

But not to worry.

You know what they say about severe head trauma.

What's that?

What's what?

The storm cleared out.

I can finally see the North Star.

Great, that means the coast is that way.

Let's start paddling.

No, no, Roy, actually,

we're better off staying where we are.

It's where we went off the radar screen.

It's the first place they'll look for us.

I can't stand this.

We're out in the middle of nowhere.

I'm desperate and frightened,

and you expect me just to sit here

with my hands tied?

Well, now you know how your dates must feel.

Look, Roy, they probably sent

a plane out for us already.

As soon as we hear it,

we'll set off our flare gun.

I feel like we're living in that Hitchcock movie.

You mean birds are gonna come peck our eyes out?

I think the movie

Roy's talking about is Lifeboat.

Oh...right.

What's that one about?

Brian, looks like we're taking

on some water.

Give me a hand with the bailing.

Well, all I can say is

this whole thing's pretty romantic.

Um, here we are, six people

stranded at sea, dressed in formal wear.

We must look like refugees from the Titanic, heh.

Oh, for God's sake, woman,

we were in a plane crash.

What does it take to put you in a bad mood?

Well, if you must know,

I'm not too crazy about control-top pantyhose

that's been mislabeled.

I say we should all just be grateful

we're alive.

Well, I certainly am.

I just have one question:

If I was knocked unconscious

when we landed,

then how did I end up in the lifeboat?

Actually it was Roy who pulled you up.

Really?

Well...

what can I say but thank you, Roy.

It was nothing.

Now, now, don't shy away from this.

I won't draw it out.

I'll just keep it simple and to the point.

I love you, Roy.

Oh, will you knock it off?

It was an accident.

My cuff link caught on your collar as I was climbing up.

Trust me.

If I had the whole thing to do over again,

I would have worn a short-sleeved shirt.

You're not an easy man to love, Roy Biggins.

Brian, this bailing isn't helping much.

I think we're too heavy for the boat.

Yeah, you know what?

I think we better take turns in the water.

You, me and Roy can rotate.

I'll go first. All right. Good idea.

What is this you, me and Roy stuff?

Excuse me, Lowell is hurt.

Yeah, well, I was talking about Fay and Helen.

Did you ever hear about equality

among the sexes?

Women's liberation?

Yeah, a moving defense of women's rights, Roy,

especially coming from a...

man who has silver cutouts of...

topless women on the mud flaps

of his El Camino.

Well, uh, I-I know what we need to put us all

in a good mood.

A song.

I'm assuming everyone knows

the words to "Peanut on the Railroad Track"?

Fay, we've only been in the water 15 minutes.

We're not that desperate yet.

I could be on fire for 15 minutes

and not be that desperate.

There's no use staring at it, Joe.

You can't bring it back.

I can't believe I'm gonna lose that plane.

If it goes down,

it's gonna take eight long years

of hard work and sacrifice with it.

There she goes.

( bubbling sounds )

There goes my whole life.

You've still got me, Joe.

Oh, God...

If it's any consolation,

a pretty big part of my life

went down with it.

My cello was on that plane.

Not that it ever did me any good.

But you were on your way

to play with the Boston Philharmonic.

Right, and look what happened.

I mean, this is so typical.

Every time I start to feel good about my music,

something bad happens.

Every time I start to feel bad,

I get a little bit of encouragement.

Well, I guess this finally settles it, you know?

My cello's at the bottom of the ocean

never to be played again.

Tsk...

It's like God finally gave me

one clear-cut sign of exactly what to do.

( Helen screams )

Die, damn you. Die.

There.

BRIAN: Nice going, Helen.

That was our only flare.

( upbeat theme playing )

( mellow theme playing )

LOWELL ( counting ): ...ninety-nine.

8,700.

8,701.

8,702.

8,703.

8,704.

8,705--

Oh, darn. Did I already count that one?

One.

Two.

( motor running ) What's that?

What's what?

I hear a motor.

It's coming from over there.

Heyyyyy! Here, here.

( all shouting )

( Helen screams )

BRIAN: Oh.

ROY: Ohhhh. Ohhhh.

Talk about gorgeous.

Boy, I'll say.

That's a SurfChopper E-2000.

What're you people doing here?

Well, we had a plane crash.

You've gotta go get us some help.

Okay, I can take one of you with me.

Well, I don't need to be asked twice.

Actually, I was thinking of someone

a little sexier.

More manly.

Like him.

Me?

Okay.

But I have to warn you,

I haven't been feeling too well lately.

I bet I know something

that'll make you feel a whole lot better.

What?

( eerie theme playing )

ROY ( echo ): Wake up.

Lowell...

Wake up.

Huh? Wake up.

You were having another hallucination.

Ah.

Well, at least they're gettin' better.

That time I was being seduced by a woman who looked

just like Christie Brinkley.

Oh, I have that dream all the time.

You have erotic dreams about Christie Brinkley?

Oh, I thought he said David Brinkley.

( laughs )

Oh, you must have thought I was

pretty strange for a second there.

( laughs )

Yeah, just for a second there.

There's no need for sarcasm.

Well, excuse me, Fay,

but it just so happens

that I'm cold and I'm wet.

And I've had the sharp edge of your pump

in my behind for the better part of an hour.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, come on.

Just stop it.

Look, I know we're all a little tense.

So...

why don't we just try to...

sit here quietly,

not do anything that might get on each other's--

Brian, pf-- what're you doing?

Oh, I'm just flicking this thing here.

It's reeeallly annoying.

I'm sorry, Joe, uh...

I'm not usually this fidgety

when I'm stranded at sea,

but I had an extra cup of coffee this morning.

Oh, you j-- Just stop it.

Fine, fine, fine. Okay, fine.

Oh my God. ALL: What?

I just realized if we don't have

these tuxedos back by 5,

we get charged for a whole extra day.

Well, I think I know what the problem is.

We're all getting a little cranky

because we're all hungry.

Well, I have something in my purse

for just such an occasion.

Wait, you keep a little something

in your purse,

in case you're stranded at sea?

In a lifeboat?

In an evening gown?

Oh, shut up.

I keep a little pack of Oreos in my purse.

Oh, I just hope they don't get wet.

They're so good when they're fresh.

Uh... wait a minute.

Uh, they're gone.

Somebody must have taken them.

Wha--?

Hey, hey, don't look at me.

Nooo. Roy?

JOE: Wait. Hold on a minute.

Hold on a minute.

Helen, let me see your teeth.

( muffled ): What for?

ROY: Ohh. Look.

Her teeth. They're still black.

ALL: Ohhh. She ate the cookies.

There's still some on her teeth.

Hold her down.

( Helen screams )

Oh, all right, all right, I took 'em.

They were good and they were fresh. So what?

Oh, I might have known it was you.

Oh, knock it off.

It's not like you made this trip a joy ride.

Oh, w-w-well, maybe we wouldn't

still be on this trip

if you hadn't shot off our only flare.

Excuse me. Oh, oh, w-w--

What were we supposed to do then,

throw the empty gun at passing planes?

All right. What passing planes--?

Stop. That's enough.

Shh. Stop it.

Oh, pl-- It's enough.

Why don't we all just relax.

Say nothing.

Okay?

Okay, okay.

Fay?

Okay.

( snap )

( snap )

Brian, are you purposely trying to annoy me?

I thought about it, Joe,

and...tsk...I decided that even though we're, uh,

ten miles out to sea,

this is still a free country.

So... I'll flick...

all I wanna flick,

until I've flicked,

and then feel like I'm done flicking.

So, I'll just flick--

Yeah, well try flicking--

Okay, just stop.

( hissing )

Oh, no.

Oh, look at what you made me do.

I made you do? Oh, my God.

We're sinking. Oh.

We're sinking! Quit whining.

All right, you did this.

( all arguing )

( engine humming in distance )

Hey,

look, look.

Oh, my God.

Hey.

MAN: Attention on the life raft.

This is the Coast Guard.

( all cheering )

Well, I'm not getting sucked in again.

This is just another one of my hallucinations.

Watch, I bet I can walk across the water.

Lowell...

Lowell... Oh.

We're saved.

We're saved.

Yeah.

( all cheer )

( mellow theme playing )

Ah, good morning, Lowell,

Helen... Hey.

Attractive stranger in the tartan pullover.

Well, you're certainly chipper, Brian.

Oh, Lowelly, Lowelly, I'm a changed man.

Ever since that plane crash,

I've got a new appreciation for life.

Oh, I know just what you mean.

The simple beauty of a child's laughter.

Ah, there you go.

Spending the entire day watching a tree grow.

Absolutely.

Well, I don't have time for that stuff anymore.

I've got people to see.

Women to bed.

Why, I've never even been to Canada.

Oh, Lowell, you know...relax.

There's time.

JOE: Not now, Fay. Not now.

Oh, oh-- Okay, Joe,

I'll come back a little later.

Pfff.

What's Joe yelling about now?

Oh, well, you know, he's still trying to rent a plane.

Oh, you're kidding.

He's been at that for days.

Oh, what is it with people?

You crash one plane,

and they act like you're trouble.

Can't believe this.

Flat out won't rent me a plane.

Can't afford a new plane.

The insurance company won't replace my old plane.

How am I supposed to run a business?

Now, now, now, Joe, uh, calm down.

Everything's going to be okay.

Look, uh, here's the mail.

Oh, the mail.

Yeah, this oughta be fun.

Let's see. Hangar bill.

Electric bill.

Fuel bill.

Heh, thanks, Fay.

I feel much better now.

Try and understand this,

I don't have any money to send out.

I need money coming in.

( phone ringing )

Ah, buon giorno.

HELEN: Hey, look who's back.

BRIAN: Hey, there he is.

( all cheer )

You smell like an airplane.

It's good to see you.

How was your trip?

Oh, the worst.

First, we are delayed for 12 hours in Rome.

ALL: Oh...

Then, then, screaming baby sits

behind me the entire way.

Then they lose my luggage.

Oh, Antonio...

Hm. We were in a plane crash.

Must you always top my story?

All right. It's no lie, Antonio.

We were forced to make a water landing.

HELEN: We spent eight hours at sea.

Uh, freezing cold in a lifeboat.

With Roy.

Oh, God, you poor things.

HELEN: Yes, I know.

It's good. It's good to have you back.

It's really--

Oh, come on. Rent a room.

Here, Cochran, I, uh,

I got some of your mail.

Uh-- Uh, Roy, didn't you notice?

Antonio's back from Italy.

So?

I'm back from the can.

You don't see me making a big deal of that.

Tsk.

Oh, eh, these are all bills.

I can't give these to Joe.

It's gonna push him over the edge.

Oh, what's wrong with Joe?

He lost his plane.

He owes everybody.

He's just not himself.

Oh, allow me.

I have a way with Joe.

He will take one look at Antonio's face,

and all will be well.

Joe. Antonio, I'm desperate.

I need money.

Joe?

Seven thousand lira.

It's probably only a buck and a half.

But I'll take it. What else have you got?

Joe. I got no choice.

My whole world is falling apart.

Look at this.

All these people want money.

If I can't find a way outta this, heh,

I don't know if I can go on.

Joe. I hate this.

It's killing me.

I don't even know who I am anymore.

I'm losin' it.

I mean... look what I did to you.

You're one of my best friends,

and I practically mugged you.

Joe. I know.

I know exactly what you're sayin'.

Is it even worth it?

What if I do find a way to dig myself out of this?

Even in the best of times,

this s-stupid business barely even broke even.

Joe-- No, Antonio, let me finish.

Who am I doing this for?

( breathing heavily )

I don't need this business.

I certainly don't need these bills.

I don't need any of this.

The hell with it.

That felt great.

I've never done anything like that before.

It's like... I'm a new person.

Joe?

That's right. The new Joe.

Thank you, Antonio.

Thank you. You saved my life.

You made everything seem so clear to me.

Mwah. Brian!

I'm free.

I love this.

Whoo-hoo.

Hey, hey, Joe, what--? What're you doing?

I made a decision, Brian.

I'm folding the business.

Fhhhhhh...pughh.

What? It's my business.

I can do whatever I want with it.

Antonio and I, we worked the whole thing out.

( chuckles )

Yeah, hey, eh, Joe,

Joe, see, y-y-you're forgetting, see,

that certain lazy, shiftless, irresponsible people

depend upon you to be in business.

And I'm not just talking about Fay.

Too late, Brian. My mind is made up.

I have paid my last bill.

I have flown...

my last flight.

Sandpiper Air is officially history.

Shhh-- What in the world did you say to him?

I just don't know how to keep my mouth shut.

( mellow theme playing )

Ah.

Would you look at this.

I wouldn't have believed it

if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes.

Joe, you're actually quitting?

Uh-huh. Wanna buy a vowel?

No?

This is amazing.

And just what're you gonna do?

I'm movin' to the South Pacific.

The South Pacific.

Yeah, the Marquesas.

It's a little island chain

I read about in National Geographic

when I was a kid.

It's pristine.

The sun always shines.

And at least in 1967

the women weren't wearing any tops.

Well, if those women are still there,

you better hope they're wearing their tops now.

( chuckles )

Helen...wait. Hold it.

Ohhh, this is good.

This is good. I love this.

What? Come with me.

What?

Come with me. What is keepin' you here?

Well, for one thing, sweetheart,

I have responsibilities.

You know, I can't just pick up and go.

I have a life.

Oh, Helen, you work at a little greasy spoon

in an airport.

Y-your music career's

at the bottom of the ocean.

The last guy that asked you out

was a tourist wearing sandals with black socks

and legs whiter than alder linen.

And you call this a life?

Well, it's life...

like.

So is waxed fruit.

Joe... Helen, come on.

Come with me.

I can't just pick up every--

Helen, Helen, we are talking about a place

where the islanders don't even have a word

in their language that means work.

But, they have 11 different words

that mean cocktail umbrella.

Joe... Come on, Helen.

Come with me.

Me and you.

Just the two of us.

Oh, wait a minute.

This isn't about me and you getting

back together again, is it?

Helen, don't be ridiculous.

I-I'm gonna go whether you come or not.

I-- I just feel so good

I want you to feel it, too.

I feel great. I am free.

Yeah, but, Joe, you can't get--

Uh, oh, Helen--

Everything... --you keep saying can't.

I can do whatever I want.

Now look, look. Watch this:

See? That's the first time I ever tap-danced.

Huh?

I'm wondering how many words

those natives have for doofus.

Okay. Fine.

I will remember your biting sarcasm

when I'm swimming with the dolphins.

Dolphins?

They have dolphins there?

I-I love dolphins.

Oh, Helen...

that is only the beginning.

We are talking about a place,

where the warmth of the sun

wakes you up on a white sandy beach.

And you pull on your bathing suit...

Or maybe not.

And you swim in the crystal-clear water.

An islander brings you a refreshing drink

in a coconut shell

as you lay back in your hammock.

And then the gentle trade winds

dry your perfectly tanned body.

And if the balmy 83-degree weather is too much for you,

you weave yourself a hat

out of the palm fronds at your feet.

Oh, well, I don't look very good in hats.

Then lose the hat.

You can do anything you want.

Okay, Joe.

I'm gonna do it.

Do you mean it? Yes.

Do you really mean it?

Ye--

Yes. I knew you would.

( both shriek )

We're gonna live in paradise.

We'll be in the sun... We'll live in the beautiful--

Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

What about my lunch counter?

Sell it to the next person

that walks through the door.

That's what I'm gonna do.

Joe, there you are.

Oh, no, not Lowell. Yes, Lowell.

Yes, Lowell, what?

Is this a knock-knock joke?

( sighs )

Lowell, uh,

how much money you got in your pocket?

Seven thousand dollars.

You have 7,000 dollars in your pocket? Why?

Does the name Charles Keating mean anything to you?

All right, listen.

I'm lookin' to sell my lunch counter.

So what do you say you give me...

I don't know, 500 bucks?

And it's all yours.

Deal.

Whoo, I did it. Joe, I did it.

Don't you feel free already?

I really do.

Well, me too.

Yeah, now I get to spend all day

behind the lunch counter

and all night working on the planes.

I've never felt so free, heh.

But, Joe, I've got something to show you out in the hangar.

It'll take just a minute.

No, I can't, Lowell. I'm leaving town.

Think we should pack right now?

It'll just take a minute.

I really think you wanna see it.

Oh, all right. But just a minute.

When do you think we should leave?

Oh, let's go tomorrow. I can't believe--

We're spontaneous. Let's go all the way.

HELEN: I can't believe it.

I'm so excited I can't even stand it--

Voilà.

My plane.

Heh, what do you know?

Anyway, I don't think

we're gonna need to pack much.

Just maybe some shorts

and a little sunscreen.

Maybe some sandals.

Friend of mine who owns a salvage company found it.

I had him tow it on in here for you, Joe.

I can't believe it's all in one piece.

I turns out it sank right on a sand bar.

How about that?

Hey, Joe, what a life we're gonna lead, huh?

You'll probably find one of those little island girls

called wahines.

I'll probably find myself a little island boy.

What do you suppose they call them?

Wahiners?

I never thought I'd see it again.

Yeah, well, take a good look

'cause it's gonna be a long time

till we're back here again.

My plane.

That's right.

Kiss that sucker goodbye.

My baby.

HELEN: Joe?

Joe?

Oh, Joe?

( mellow theme playing )