Original subtitles

Ladies going down. Ladies going down.

Ladies going down.

I'm a considerate tourist.

Hmm,

my son, we're in for a three-star holiday.

What's the matter with you?

Nothing.

I think Batsy found a friend on the plane. I'm sure she tried hard to.

The question is, where is she going to stay? She's not staying with me.

Not with me either. I can promise you that.

Delightful way to meet you. May I introduce myself?

Pauly Grissom. Just call me Pauly, okay? With whom am I having the pleasure?

Thank you, sir. Really? Any more at home like you, Pauly? Well, in Vienna,

everyone says, Pauly, you're really too much. As usual, they're absolutely

right.

Ah, but we're wasting precious time.

My villa's just a few yards away. What do you say about coming with me and

having a drink to celebrate our meeting? Your car's stuck and we can't help you

move it. Oh, that doesn't matter. I'll have one of the servants. Come on with

us. Ride on a bike? Are you crazy?

Are you afraid?

Afraid? No.

Here we are, my beauties. Home sweet home.

And since I'm a perfect host, you're every wish in my command.

The champagne is already on ice. Hey, Mama.

How often have I told you not to call me Mama in front of people? You know I have

a bad memory.

I brought some friends home with me to have a party.

Party without men.

If I can interrupt you for a second, this is my sister.

Yes, this is my sister, Mushi. My older sister, of course. My sister, yes.

This is my sister, Mushi. Say hello.

Yes, they're beautiful.

I'm sorry.

Is that a phone?

Sure, of course we have a phone. Just follow me. I'll show you through it.

Would I call her Gula? Please make us something to eat.

Fred, where's Bosco and his gang?

I got us a big party. I mean, go find the fellas, you hear?

Tell them to get a move on, okay?

Yeah. I guarantee you'll have a great time. Stop.

By the way, lover, where are we? Villa Grease Hubble near the Playa del Bosco.

Villa Grease Hubble near the beach outside of town. Okay?

See you. Ciao.

Poldy. Listen, Poldy.

Sorry, you're not my type.

He didn't give me a chance.

Look, can't you read? This is a confirmation from my traveling agency

saying that I have a three-week reservation for a double room. Yes,

well, I'm sorry, but we have no more rooms. But I have a reservation.

You're making a mistake.

Well, it's not our mistake.

We don't make mistakes. If I were you, I'd check with the travel bureau. I must

be dreaming. This is impossible.

I'm sorry, sir. Well, hasta la vista.

Hey, wait a minute. Please look. I'll even pay you extra for a room. Even for

a million dollars, I couldn't help you. The hotel's full. I'm very sorry. You've

got to do something. You see, we're on a honeymoon. Don't you understand?

Congratulations and best wishes. But we have absolutely no vacancy. Excuse me,

please. But you can't do this to me. Go away or I'll call the police.

It can't be true.

And believe it or not, Ibiza is crowded with people fighting for a bed.

Serves me right for letting you make the arrangements.

But it isn't my fault, really.

Well, never mind.

From now on, let me take charge. You go sit in the cafe.

And I'll take care of it myself.

Don't worry, I'll find a room for it. You're being unfair. It really isn't my

fault, you know.

If it never would have happened to me, you can bet on that.

Looks like you'd give your shirt for a hotel room, wouldn't you? Me?

What? How did you... You're right, yes. I'm called Sandra.

Michael. Okay, Mike.

You're having trouble finding a hotel room, right? That's right, but my

girlfriend... I mean, my wife, she's out looking and she finds a proper...

There's a hotel room in Ibiza in July, not a jet. But listen, I'm sure I have

one for you.

Mine.

If you want, I'll show it to you. Well, I have to wait for my wife, you see.

Well, don't worry.

This won't take that long.

But don't forget to take your luggage along.

In Ibiza, there's no rooms, but there's a lot of crooks.

I have to cut my vacation short and go home. My grandmother just passed away.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Let's see. My room's reserved for three more weeks.

Oh, there'll be a small transfer charge, if that's okay with you.

Yeah, sure, no problem.

Oh, I do appreciate your letting me take a shower.

No reason why not.

It's your shower.

Not anymore, is it?

It's your turn.

My turn? But my wife's waiting.

Are you saying you're afraid of your wife?

Well, of course not.

Well, then, go ahead.

Yes, I'm going. I'm going.

Jack, what does that sound?

Sounds fine, fine.

I'll be right with you.

not enough to retire on.

Let me see that.

Tell me, is this your first trip to Ibiza?

Sure is.

I live very close to here, do you know?

How about showing me some of the sights then?

Well,

I got some free time tonight. I'll show you around.

That's the best idea I've heard in years.

Now, how about taking a shower before we go?

Okay, darling.

Don't be too long.

I don't want to be your lover.

Thank you.

Are you planning on paying with seashells? I still have some change.

That's great.

Well, have you got a brilliant plan?

No.

Thanks.

Bless you.

It could have happened to anybody.

Yeah, but it happened to you.

My God, I really know how to pick them.

Come on, Susie. We have a few other problems now. I'm amazed that you've

noticed. Well, let's go.

Where to?

To see you, Pete.

Aha. Your ex-lover.

How often do I have to tell you that he never meant a thing to me? He was just a

good friend in high school.

You promised me you'd never see him again.

As you said, we've got other problems now.

He told me he was living on the beach. It must be around here somewhere.

This is a rather strange place to build a house.

Excuse me, please. I'm looking for a house that belongs to a guy named

Yuppie. Over there.

Over there by the lighthouse?

No. It's just under you? No.

What?

What did you expect, Buckingham Palace?

Susie! Yippee!

It's so good to see you. May I interrupt you two for a few minutes? I'd like to

see a little more of this palace.

You mean we're going to live in there?

Yes, you are. That's my house.

Really?

Well, it serves me right letting you organize that sort of thing, Susie.

No, thanks.

Only for one night. Tomorrow we'll look for something else. Thank you.

We've lost everything, and it's our honeymoon.

Honeymoon? If you two are that much in love, you have everything.

What's important is just being together.

Well, that's a matter of opinion.

Just what do you mean by that?

Nothing at all. Well, I think I'm going to take a swim.

Have you got a bikini for me?

I'm afraid that a bikini is the last thing on earth I'd have.

But I want to go swimming.

Well, go ahead.

care for me show me and i'll know show me that you're there for me

The top set's going jet. The top set's going jet.

The top set's going jet. The top set's going jet.

We just got to find a sucker to pick up the check.

I see.

How about getting to know each other on the dance floor?

I think we've met before. No, I don't think so. I wouldn't have forgotten if

we hadn't met.

Really? Yeah.

Mind

if

I sit here? If you do, I'm glad.

Be my guest.

mind, huh?

Sure.

This

music

is great for dancing.

Hey, I told you you're the best looking woman here.

I really like you.

Just a second. You can't go in there without paying. This is a public poll.

It's strictly private.

Blow it up a little. I don't have time to count you all the time. Just a

second. Let me count you. Come here, Joe.

Why me? Why should I? The last one you always pick. But you know, you've got to

pay. Why do I have to pay?

And let your heart decide

Okay, that's enough.

What are you doing?

Come on, don't try anything. Just give me those pearls.

Selfie bastard. Come on, hand over the pearls.

Where do you think they're going?

And I want the rings, too.

Here. Thank you.

Oh, my God.

Mama.

What happened?

I don't think it was normal what he did to me.

What happened to you, Mama? Were you in an accident? Were you robbed? Where are

your pearls?

No, no.

It was terrible. Terrible.

I'm so unhappy.

I've never been so humiliated in all my life. Don't cry. Don't cry, Paul. This

year, Mama, you're the sweetest, kindest, most marvelous mother in the

world. A little foolish sometimes, yes, but I wouldn't want to have had anyone

else for a mother. You know that, don't you?

Now, you go and take a nice hot bath and you'll feel much better.

The

police

said to report the robbery at the consulate, but it's in Barcelona. Are

you sure you understood them? I mean, your Spanish isn't that good.

Well, yours isn't any better.

I'm going to go to the post office and telegraph my father to send a... Over my

dead body you will. Just try and stop me. Now listen to me. I got us into this

mess and I'm going to get us out of it.

Thank you.

I'll stay right here.

Yeah, it's me.

What are you doing way out here?

I'm working.

I need some money. We were ripped off.

That's not a good enough reason for working.

Oh, stop it. You're beginning to sound like Hupy. Oh, don't take it so

seriously. The bees isn't like that.

Nobody starves here and the beaches are free. Girls have it easier than men do.

Well, it all depends on the man.

Hey, Tilda.

Wait. Go down.

The typical of my father sends us just enough money for the ticket and says to

take the next plane home.

Too bad.

It's not important.

We're not going.

I'll give Michael the money and we'll have our honeymoon anyway.

Sounds okay.

I'm afraid Mike won't take the money if he knows it was coming from your father

to hurt his pride.

Don't worry, Susie. I've got an idea. Come with me.

How much money did you make today, Michael? Oh, just peanuts.

Hardly enough to eat with.

Why not try the lottery? Maybe your luck would change.

It's a waste of money.

Don't say that. Only yesterday some tourist won 15,000 potatoes with it.

How much is that in real money?

It's about $250.

Ah.

I'll have a try. Call me Millionaire Mike.

Two tickets.

I gave him money. He's going to tell Mike that his number won 15,000

percenters.

He seems to have fallen for it hook, line, and sinker.

Sí, sí.

Aquí hay dinero que ganar.

¡Quince mil pesetas tiene!

¡Quince mil pesetas!

¡Tome, tome! Uno, dos y tres.

This calls for a big celebration.

What will you have? Coca-Cola, champagne, a nice cold beer. And I'll

have a double cocoa nighter. One beer, a Coca-Cola, and champagne for me. I'll be

right back.

At last, he's smiling.

Hey, what are you doing?

Wait for me.

Come back here.

You have a young mother.

Right.

Hello, Miles.

Hi, Gilda.

You get fired too quick.

Well, a great motorcycle you have there. It's a real beauty. Well, if you like,

you can have a few rides.

Oh, no, I'd better not.

I appreciate your offer, but I don't want to go to the hospital.

Close your eyes now.

Why, I close my eyes and I can look at a beautiful girl.

I close mine and I'm kissing you.

Well, let's try it.

Let's see if you're a real man.

Let me step inside.

Rest your weary head and let your heart decide.

It's so easy.

When can we see each other?

Whenever you want.

If you can't concentrate better, you're going to lose this game as well.

Why do I care?

I'm sure Mike just ran into a couple of old friends. He'll be back soon. Don't

worry.

Well, he might have had an accident.

You're being ridiculous, Susie.

Hi.

I hope you're not completely dehydrated.

Where were you all this time?

Walking around. I ran into an old friend of mine.

See what I tell you.

You've been gone now for three whole hours.

Well, as they say, time really flies.

An old friend of the female sex, I suppose.

What about it?

So tell me what's wrong about having a small conversation with an old friend.

Is your old friend pretty, too?

You've never behaved like this before.

Because you're acting so strangely. After all, you knew that I was waiting

for you. The least you could have done was... Was ask for your permission.

Stop acting as if we're married.

Okay. Go see your girlfriend.

Hurry up. Get lost.

Michael.

Michael! No, Susie. Just leave him alone now.

It's all right.

I will love you, love you tonight.

It's all right.

It's all right.

While the stars in the sky way up high keep on spinning the lights.

Show me that you care for me. Show me and I'll know.

Show me that you're there for me.

It's all right.

I will love you.

Love you tonight.

It's all right.

It's all right.

While the dark in the sky way up high keep on standing the light.

Mike stayed out all night. He and Susie had a fight.

Oh, now I'm beginning to understand.

What do you mean, Nadia?

Gilda didn't show last night either, and it takes two to tango. Well, wait on

you, people. Let's go.

You've got a nice face, ma'am. Too bad you won't have it much longer.

You must have flipped. What have I done to you? You want to know?

What you've done is sleep with my girl. And you and me are supposed to be

friends? Come on.

But I was hiding her child. I was your girlfriend.

You're telling the truth?

Uh-huh.

Well, in that case, you've got a chance. We'll play for her.

Well, let's play.

This has gone far enough. It's not funny anymore.

Shut your mouth, man.

Unless you want to play, too.

No. No.

No, I'm too young to die. I refuse.

I'm split.

Thank God nothing happened.

And now.

Look. Look.

It's ketchup.

Do you think we're some kind of freaks or something?

No, we think we're too much.

Hey, listen, I know a better game the fastest guy gives me.

You do?

Okay.

Go ahead.

Something wrong, kid?

I'm afraid there is.

No more seats on the plane?

Yeah, but I don't have enough money.

Well, I've got a few connections. Maybe I can help you. How much cash have you

got left?

Just a couple hundred.

Oh, that should about do it, huh? You really think you can help?

Yeah.

Well, it's not too legal, but who cares?

Follow me.

Okay, I'll be right back.

Now, this is strictly between us, okay? Sure. It's over there.

Sit down.

Why don't you order yourself a drink? I'm going to go get the guy.

Oh, listen. You might as well give me the money now.

Oh, sure.

Fine. I'll be right back, kid.

Thank you.

Thank you.

The next thing we knew, he'd fallen into the swimming pool in his tuxedo.

I tell you, when I saw that, I laughed so hard, I nearly fell into the pool

myself.

Hey, Baldy. Hey.

Hello, fellow. Hello, Yuppie, Otto.

I'm taking the ladies shopping.

Beautiful women should be spoiled. Come on, the shops are waiting. See you

later, guys.

Bye. See you. Ciao.

I don't think he's ever going to score.

Yeah, Dad.

Look out.

My father.

Ah, so here you are.

Have you forgotten? Didn't you remember we had an appointment?

Come on. Yeah.

See you later.

If I told you once, I've told you a hundred times, I don't want you to see

that queer.

But, Father, he's not queer.

I know when I see one. I forbid you to see him again. I don't want you to end

up being the same.

But, Father... Shut up.

You get in your room and stay there. And if I catch you speaking out, I'll put

you on the first plane home.

What are you doing here?

Your father wants us to get just a little better acquainted.

Do you find me so unattractive?

Well, then.

Come on up. I have something to show you.

Come on.

That you're there for me And I won't go

I won't go

It's all right.

It's all right.

I will love you, love you tonight.

It's all right.

It's all right.

While the stars in the sky way up high keep on spinning the light.

Show me that you care for me.

Show me and I'll know Show me that you're there for me

And I won't go

Isn't she a beauty, girl?

Captain Greethubble is delighted to welcome you aboard this ship.

Do you really know how to drive that? Why not? I've been sailing boats longer

than you girls have been driving motorcycles.

Come on, I'll give you a ride.

I'd rather die on wheels, Matt.

Chicken.

Girl, are you afraid, too? Me?

I'm afraid of nothing.

when he's faster?

Slow and steady always wins.

You've got an itch to make love?

Well,

which is it? Yes or no?

Yes.

What? Right out here in the middle of the ocean?

If we became too excited, we'd all fall out.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Come on down to the cabin.

Nadia? Open the door. Come on.

Paul, be a sweet baby. I think you should let me drive.

Let me out, Nadia. Please.

I ought to kill you for this.

But father, please.

Get out of here right now.

Get out.

Get in the car.

He's invited me to his coita tomorrow.

Who? Placido.

He's a bullfighter, a matador.

That's a disgusting profession.

It's a great job, facing death in the afternoon.

Oh, it's only just a big show.

You've obviously never done any bullfighting. No, I don't even have the

desire to see one either.

Suit yourself, but I'm going.

Why get your split?

Go take a walk or something. Bravo! Bravo!

I dedicate my fight today to the beautiful and very blonde children.

Susie. Mike.

Are you still here?

Yuppie said you had already left.

I wanted to. But then what happened to you happened to me.

By the way, how's Childa?

Great.

How about you? Great, just great. What do you want to drink?

Come and have one with me.

Come on, have a seat. The personnel isn't allowed to sit down with the

clientele. Sorry. You're working here? It's difficult to live on love alone.

And I don't want to ask my father for more money. What else could I do?

Susie, couldn't we talk this over and... The bullfight's over, and in five

minutes, this place is going to be a madhouse.

Save this table for me. I'll be right back.

Hey, Mike, you missed the best part of the corrida.

Oh, hi.

Were you lonely? Where's children?

Well, they're talking to us.

Celebrating his victory.

Don't take it so hard, man.

Thank you.

might forget it.

Don't make a fool out of yourself.

She's not worth the trouble.

Let's go.

Come on.

Because everything that happens to us has already been programmed.

Yeah?

It has everything in it.

Whatever happens today, tomorrow, or even next year.

Maybe. No, I don't agree with you.

Listen to me, fellow.

These are facts, you see.

And nobody can change facts.

I don't think that's fair. I want to do what I want to do. And I want to bash

that bullfighter's brains in. I'm sure you do. What?

First, have another drink.

That's a good idea.

You've got a smart computer.

And she was making it with a bull.

Bullfighter. Was that programmed to the course?

You could have given her a yacht meter gold.

She still would have gone off with the bull.

Life is really a pit.

Man, I'm a lucky man not to earn a yacht of gold.

Yeah, very lucky man, lucky man.

Bottoms up.

Bottoms up.

Say, are you smashed as I am? You're not smashed.

You think so? Of course not. Repeat after me. Shells, she shells, she

shells.

Look at my beautiful house.

Oh, my God.

What happened?

It looks like it's so happy here.

Oh, let me help you.

Oh, you know what?

I'm going to get him back.

I'm going to get him back?

Yeah.

Oh, my house.

Oh, there's a body on the beach.

Susie.

I'm going fishing.

Yeah, in the morning, the white's the best.

Oh, you're so beautiful.

You have such legs, such a... Skin like

a peach.

And you will be the great love of my life. My greatest pumpkin.

Don't let me disturb your pony.

Alone at last.

You know I'm not that kind.

Of course you're not. Of course you're not. You're not sure.

Not at all.

Suppose I had a little more than the others.

The more, the better.

Bosco. Haven't seen you in ages.

Where have you been? What are you doing in that get-up?

I'm working.

Have to pay for the tickets home, and they cost... How can anyone think of

living here?

Um, have you seen Tilda? Yeah, well, she's under the postcard from Pamplona.

We won't be seeing her in a while.

She thinks she's Ava Gardner and Carmen all rolled into one.

That's the girl.

The one who robbed me.

Let me borrow this, huh?

Hey, it's loaded!

There's a pistol pointed right at your head. You take me where you hid my

stuff.

Bye.

Well, now that you've seen the merchandise, how much? $50,000.

Who do you think I am? Amateur?

This stuff is worth more than $200,000. I give $80,000. Oh, you're kidding.

$150,000 at least.

Is that your lowest price?

Look at this merchandise.

Let's say $100,000, okay?

Okay. You got yourself a... Yeah.

Hands up!

I want you to drop your pants and turn around. Would you mind telling me what

this is all about?

Drop your pants.

Is this a joke or what?

Don't waste my time. All right, all right. Do what he says. The guy's out of

his mind.

Hurry up. Drop those pants.

Okay, cool it. And split.

In five minutes, I'll call the cops.

Come on, let's go.

Now, you're going to give me my suitcases.

And fast, because I'm in a hurry. All right, all right.

Hey, you didn't even unpack them, did you?

It's a lucky thing for me that your playmates didn't happen to notice that

this is only a toy pistol.

I don't want to.

I'm really lousy company.

Oh, you mean because of bad feet.

Goldie, you mustn't let it get you down.

I was so shocked.

I'll never be able to trust a girl again.

Me included.

I don't mean you, Nadia.

But that doesn't help if you don't want me.

My mother's got more than enough to buy the whole island, but what good does it

do to me? If the only thing you ever think of is money, you'll never get

anywhere in life.

Give it away.

Throw it away.

A man is what turns me on. Really?

Oh, Poldy, you're hopeless.

You couldn't change if you wanted to.

Nadia? Nadia?

Ciao. Nadia, damn it all. I'm not a hopeless gay. Just look.

Well, doesn't that prove that I'm not a hopeless case?

I'm a man, damn it!

Shit.

Shit.

Oh, all that beautiful money.

If Mama finds out, she's going to kill me.

Oh, my poor, dear, beautiful money.

Forgive me. Forgive me. You're the only...

And now we can spend our vacation just the way we planned it back

home.

Do you still want to?

No. And you?

No.

Not in this prison.

I'd rather have a sleeping ball.

You mean just the two of us together like at the beginning?

And now I think... That we can really get married.

Thank you.

There you go.