Original subtitles

Oh, good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Here we are with the lovely floor show.

And to start the floor show off, we want to have a little applause to make a

little noise here.

That's it, that's it, that's it.

Senorita. Si, Padre.

You see, now when you see the man with the big bankroll, with the big rubber

band on him, that is the man we've got to take.

We have got to get the money.

If we don't get the money by tonight, we are out of this cafe business.

Come, senorita, let's go.

Come on, come on.

Don't worry about anything. Now we're going to go into this cabaret. We're

going to have all we want to eat and all we want to drink. And don't worry about

a thing.

Not me. I got no money. No money. Did I ask you for money? Let me take care of

the money before I get a load of that.

Where'd you get it?

It's only a one-page note on top. See that inside?

Pretty good, pretty good.

I've done this joke before, don't worry about it. I'll tell you what we'll do.

We'll go in an order. All we want to eat and drink, we'll eat up to here and

drink up to there when a man comes with a check.

I'll get up and say, I'll pay the check. Then you get up and you say, you'll pay

the check and we'll get real mad.

Then I'll say, I'll take you out in the alley and fight you for the honor of

paying the check. That'll go to the bartender, see you to the waiter and to

the boss. And when we get out in the alley, we'll run like hell.

Not me. No, no, no. Nothing doing.

The last time you got me into a place, a guy grabbed me by the neck. He punched

me in the nose and he kicked me.

Well.

What did you say?

What are we waiting for?

Yeah, what are we waiting for?

Oh, you like the girls with the nice round figure.

You know, figures come and go, and figures go a very different way, but

this figure goes one way, and it is really nice.

Here she is, Leigh Barrett.

And now we'd love to have you meet, oh, charming Liz. Yes, senorita, oh, she's

so lovely.

Hey, Pancho, throw these bombs out. Bombs? Bombs. What do you mean, bombs?

Oh, senor, where...

Tom, grab for that money, boy. Why not?

Because if you do the next time you go to buy gloves, you're only going to need

one. You made a funny joke.

What can I do for you, senors?

Where are the girls?

The senoritas? Oh, muy bonitas, senoritas.

Rita!

Come on! Come in.

Rita!

I want you to meet the signor, the big money man, Snuffy.

And Carmen, I want you... Harry.

Harry? Harry,

he says.

Honey, don't let the little gray

hair fool you.

Just because there is a little bit of snow on the roof doesn't mean...

That there isn't a great, big, warm fire in the old hop.

For the senorita.

Oh, senor, don't be so funny.

You like snuffy, huh? Bajo?

Something the matter with my girl?

What do you mean something the matter with her?

She got the TB.

TB? What's TB?

Toots. Oh, look at them big black eyes she got.

Oh, you know something?

They tell me that the Mexican girls really know how to make love. Is that

right? Oh, si, si, senor. You see that, Pancho? What's that?

Si, si, si, that I snore.

Oh, no. When I snore, I'm asleep. And when I'm asleep, I'm a friendly one

because I dream about girls.

Tell me, how do they make love in Mexico?

Oh, senor, in Mexico, the senorita, she goes out and sits on her pieza.

Sits on her pieza?

Si. Why not?

It's her pieza. She can sit on it if she wants to. She can hang it underwater and

do anything.

She sits on her pieza.

Tell me more.

Oh, and then the lover, he comes and stands underneath her pieza. He stands

underneath her pieza? Si.

While she's sitting? Si.

You got her acrobats?

Oh, what do you say?

He stands around the door. Who cares? Si, si, si. Tell me about how they make

love. I'd love to hear it. Oh, then the fox fed her pieza. Ah, yes.

Uh-huh. It looks right up at it? Si. No kidding. How does it look?

Oh, in the moonlight.

Uh-huh. It looks so beautiful.

Oh, I bet it don't look bad under a flashlight either.

There's one thing I love, to look at it underneath a beautiful big fat piazza in

the moonlight. Oh, that's true.

Tell me more.

Oh, and then the lover, he takes out his guitar.

Oh, he takes it out?

Si. Well, naturally.

I knew that was coming. You did, huh?

After all, how long can he look at a piazza without taking it out?

That's the way I came in, taking it out. Tell me, when he takes it out, baby,

tell me, how does he hold it?

Oh, he holds it just like this.

Wow, like that?

See? Oh, what a guitar, what a guitar.

Hey, you got some lower.

He must be a good man.

Tell me, he holds it like that?

Then what happens?

Oh, then he's strong.

I knew that was covered.

He strums on it? Yes. Does he strum on it very long?

Oh, for hours and hours and hours.

Oh, for hours and hours.

Oh, si, senor. Hey, you've got damn good men down here.

Oh, sure. With me, I strum two plunks and the boat sails, you know.

I'm a little young.

Yeah, but tell me, senorita, what's wrong about that stuff? You suppose he

gets tired, you know. Then what happens?

Ah, but I see you're smiling and all, but underneath you don't feel good, do

you? Oh, senor, you know my lover. He has gone away to Spain to fight the

bulls. The bulls? Si, and I am so lonesome. Yeah?

You're all alone?

All alone.

All by yourself?

Si. You have no body?

I have no body.

Well, you haven't. Oh, my, you've got a nice body.

You mean you're looking for a lover?

Si, senor. Oh, senorita, can I? be your lover? Would you like to be my lover?

Senorita, can I be your lover?

Oh, senor, you are the big one.

Yes. But this friendly little fellow, he has the heart to make love.

Oh, she knows how to make love.

You mean, you want me to be her? Si, senor. Oh, senorita, I'll be glad to

be your lover.

Oh, but tell me, senor, do you have the guitar?

Well, I...

Guitar?

No,

but... That'll be all right.

Well, come on.

Where are you taking her, senorita?

I'm going to take her out in the moonlight and let her strum on my little

ukulele.

Ah, but don't go yet. Wait till after the show.

I have a big surprise for you.

Oh, boy, I wish I was eight feet tall.

Oh,

we've got a surprise for you tonight. Ladies and gentlemen, here is the

glamorous Bobby Cruz.

Oh, well, ladies and gentlemen, we have another surprise for you. He's a girl

that's new to Mexico.

Very new. I want you to make her feel at home. He is Dina Prince.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, the final singer to hit Mexico. She has really got

the marvelous voice.

We love this senorita, Jean Mann.

She sings for you now.

Senorita, what are you going to sing? I love the valley. You love the valley,

the pretty song.

Professor, music, please.

I love the valley.

Knock it off.

Give us a back here. We want to see something. That's what we come here for.

What's the trouble with you, senor?

You don't like the senorita's voice?

No, I don't like anything she does. Not that way.

Give us something to look at.

Oh, that's too bad.

Well, maybe you like me. I sing songs.

Professor.

I love the roses.

Oh, come on. I don't care for that kind of stuff at all. That's worse than the

girl.

Senor, I told you you can't make that noise in here.

Oh, the people, they pay lots of money to hear me sing the song.

They pay big money to hear you sing?

Si.

And you know something, pal?

After hearing you sing, I think they'd a darn say sooner hear me hammer.

Senor, you can't make that noise in here.

After all, as you see, I'm trying to sing.

Go ahead and try.

You're not bothering me.

But you, senor, are bothering me.

How can I bother you? You're way over there and we're way over here.

But senor, please.

You can't make that noise here.

Now look, buddy.

The manager of this place told me I can do anything I want, see? So I'm going to

do it. The manager told you? You are mistaken.

I am the manager.

I give the orders.

I don't give you no order.

Oh, you're the manager.

Si. Who am I?

You.

You are nothing.

That makes you a big man.

Why?

Manager over nothing.

One, two, three, senor, and I come down, I jump all over you.

And four, five, six, you'll scramble right off.

What were you doing anyhow?

Senor, I got a good voice. People say I got a good voice.

I sing.

Sing? Go on, you sound like a cow.

A cow?

I get $50 every time I sing. Does that sound like cow?

Bull.

Senor, you insult me. After all, I pay $5,000 to a voice cultivated and brought

out. Well, you ought to have it fertilized and plowed under.

$5,000 on that voice?

Who is he?

You ought to see my brother.

Your brother?

What is he, a voice teacher?

No, he's a lawyer.

He'll get your money back for you.

This guy, he insults me.

What are you, a funny man? Are you a comedian or something?

No, but when you said smart fellow, I am.

You know, I got brains I never even used yet.

Oh, yeah?

Well, don't let them go to your head.

That's you and I play a game.

Game, senor?

Uh-huh. Let's play building and loan.

How do you play building and loan? You get the heck out of the building and

leave us alone.

Oh, funny fellow.

You know all the jokes?

Well, a lot of them, yeah.

Tell me, senor.

Huh? Do you know why the sailor come to see the burla show?

Oh, that sounds good.

No, I never heard that one before. You tell me. Why? Why does a sailor come to

see a burla show?

To see...

The naval maneuvers. Naval maneuvers?

Hey. What?

It's not time to drink orange juice.

Senor. Huh? If you don't stop heckling me after the show, you and I in the

alley. You and I?

Si. In the alley?

Si. Is this a proposal?

Senor. Huh?

We'll have it out.

We will?

Si. In this weather?

Look, pal. I ain't gonna get sunstroke for you or nobody else.

I'll show you how small you are. Now, cut that out.

I came down here to a foreign country just to keep away from people who know

my secret, and you're going to give them away.

Besides, I wouldn't go in the alley with you. Oh, no? Why? Because you're yellow.

You'll bring your whole gang, that's what.

I'd be out in that alley myself.

It's all gone right, you will, because I ain't going to show up, see?

And nevertheless, I sing. You sing? See. I don't want you to sing. I don't want

her to sing.

But I do want her to dance.

You want Senorita to dance?

Yeah. She no dance.

I sing.

She dance.

I sing.

Oh, yeah?

Oh!

Senorita! She dance!

Harry, I've got to have to want to... Got to what? I've got to have to... I

want to find a place.

Place? Yeah, you know, the place.

What kind of place? Well, this ain't the place. I've got to find a place.

I've got to go to the doghouse, you know.

Doghouse? You mean hot dog?

No, no, no. You know, there's two kinds of dogs, you know.

There's a pointer and a...

Oh, you want a set? Yeah. I want a point.

Oh, you don't want a point? Point? Yeah.

This way?

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Everything.

Here is that lovely senorita with a nice dance for you tonight.

Mitzi Doré.

Lovely Rita Robert!

You have a good time, huh?

Always.

When she gets all finished, we're going to sit down and eat with us and drink.

Oh, I bring the senorita in for you. Oh, boy, she's the hottest thing since the

Chicago fire.

Oh, I like her. You know, you fellas remind me of two fellas last week. Yeah?

Big businessmen. Oh, like us? Big spenders, you know, lots of money.

So they come in here and they order up. They have all the entertainers sit at

the table. Yeah. Spend the money for that.

Then I give them the bill. Yeah.

287 pesos.

It's 287 pesos. They have no money. No money?

No money. No money.

Only one peso.

Only one peso?

Si.

Yeah, I see.

You know what happened?

No, what happened? Oh, it's a funny story.

Yeah?

I get mad.

Yeah? Yeah. And so he get mad. Oh, he's a good man. So I take him and I take it

here. Huh? I break it off.

You pull up his ear? Then I pull off his nose.

Then I take his arm.

Funny, huh? I take the arm and I break it like this.

And then I take the leg. The leg? I break off the leg. Yeah. And I hit him

over the head with the leg. With his own leg?

He had no money. I hit him over the head. Where did he wind up? He end up in

the hospital.

In the hospital? All cut up and bleeding.

All cut up and bleeding.

Senorita! I don't know what I'm laughing about. I just told the senorita about

the fun as they cut up and bleed. Oh, I can't remember that. Oh, senor. Oh, but

senorita, I saw you act. You're very good at acting.

Now, now, you entertain us all night. Now, how would you like if I entertain

you? Would you be my guest and have a little something to eat and drink?

Oh, senor. Oh, come on, just a little something?

All right, just a little bit. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. A little

bit of the better. What do you have, Senorita? Oh, Pedro, I would have a big

steak, smothered in pork chop, a big shrimp salad, a nice big toast salad,

and then I'll have a wheeled beating, oh, big chicken. Then I'll have a little

guacamole, a great big order of frijoles, you know, the little fried

beans, and maybe a little bit of, oh, stuffed pork.

Oh,

baby, you don't eat enough.

Oh, have something else, senorita. Oh, something else.

Then I'll have a big, big order of enchiladas, taquitos, arroz con pollo,

una milanesa, una grande, grande sopa de pollo.

Senorita, you have something to drink with this here.

Oh, no.

Oh, just a little bit to wash it down.

Yeah, a little something to wash it down.

Like, say, the Pacific Ocean.

You make a joke.

Oh, cut off and bleed.

I've got one face.

What will you have?

An aspirin tablet.

Oh, you make the joke again.

You've got to have something.

Okay, I'll order now.

What do you want? Forever, sir.

I'm no cheap guy. I'm expensive.

I don't care no more for nickel. I'll do for five cents.

What do you want?

I want to be a nice, great, big glass of beer with four straws, huh?

And, senorita, what will you have? Oh, I'm not really hungry.

Oh, go ahead.

No, really.

I ate about an hour ago. I'm not hungry. Come on, have a little something to

cover up the eye, too.

Well,

maybe I could eat a little something. That's a girl.

Maybe a double order of ham and egg, a seafood cocktail, and some grapefruit,

and some pork chops. Oh, yeah. Pork is very good tonight.

Another order of ham and egg, some pancakes on the side. All right, all

right, all right, all right, all right, all right.

You're not hungry, I see. No. It's a little snack.

Yeah. She eats snack. She eats like a bird. Yeah.

Like a vulture.

Senor!

Senor, what will you have? Me?

Well, I think I'll just have a little wine.

A little wine.

A little wine.

Vintage of 1907.

1907. And when you open the wine, I want to hear it pop.

Hear it pop. Yes. You will hear it pop.

Pop.

Ecolos. Pronto.

1907, that was a good year, you know. Oh.

A very good year.

Yes, yes.

Pardon, senor. Okay. Oh. Now, we'll make you pop. Uh-huh. Hey, it even looks

good. Oh, it looks good. Oh, it's going to be fine. Ha!

Yes, boy!

That was a good year.

It popped.

Uh-huh.

That was a good year. Uh-huh.

And I suppose you are going to have a good year, too. Oh, yes, sir.

Senor, you have a good week here and a good year. Yeah? And I'm going to have

the big year and a big week. You are?

Senor! Ha!

The bill.

Uh-oh.

The bill? The bill.

Senor, you pay, I pay.

Harry?

Yes. Harry.

I'll pay the bill.

No, no.

I'll pay the bill, Eddie boy. No, no, no, no, no.

I'll pay the bill.

Ah, senores. You remind me about those two fellows that Pancho told you about.

Oh, yeah? They too argue about the bill. They do, yeah. Oh, si.

But this settles the argument.

Oh, in the alley.

All cut up and bleeding. But don't worry about it. They were bummed that we are

big men.

Si, senores. I will pay the bill. Oh, no.

I will pay the bill.

I say I'll pay the bill.

You will?

Yeah. And pay it. Thank you.

All right.

Mindy Alley, me, you want to pay a bill?

Poncho.

Oh, Poncho.

Si. I say.

You see what I say?

I say I brought you here.

You are my guest?

Yes. I am the host?

Yes. I am going to pay the bill. Is there a matter of fact?

I insist.

You insist?

Yes. Pay it.

You want me to pay?

No, it can't be done.

No? You know, I only got one peso.

Darling, why don't you pay the bill?

Me pay the bill? Yes.

Well, really, I couldn't pay the bill. You see, I came in here because I was

hungry. I have a wife and six children at home, and they're all there.

Suffering the starvation of food, I came here to take a little bread, put it in

my pocket, and take it home to them. Even the wine that I had been drinking

is strictly for strength.

So I could take this bread home, and that's the reason I couldn't pay this

bill. I have nothing.

Oh, dear, that's a shame.

Darling, I've had something for you. You have? Yes.

Here, now, pay the bill.

Thank you.

And I'll never come back to Tijuana again.

Goodbye.

Rita? No. You know why I can't pay this bill?

What for? You know, I... I do got a story.

You have? Yes, I... I haven't got the money I said I had.

No? There was only one loan facial.

I've been trying to make it into a thousand good American dollars. Why?

Because I didn't say this to anyone before, but I have a little one.

Little Genevieve.

Why? Why, she never had a good day in her life.

When she was born, she only weighed seven-eighths of an ounce.

Why, we didn't know she was going to live or die for a long, long time.

And not only that, the cool little thing was born blind.

Do you hear me? Blind.

Little Genevieve, she can't see anything.

Nothing at all. She don't know what it is to look at my wife or myself.

Even now, we're feeding her. We're feeding her with an eyedropper.

Not in the eye, but in the mouth. She can't see what she's doing.

And that's why, that's why I, I can't pay my bill.

Oh, senor.

I will give you money to pay bill.

You will?

Yes. You will? I will help you. Oh, Rita, I knew you were made of the right

stuff. Not much, but all for you. Oh, thank you, Rita. You're a doll.

Oh, senor.

You're not leaving yet.

Oh, yes, I am. You have not paid for the bill.

Oh, the bill?

Gee.

Haven't you heard about the bill?

Heard what?

Well, you see, as far as I'm concerned, I can't pay the bill. Why not? I was

just telling Rita about my little Genevieve.

Genevieve? Oh, Poncho, if you saw my Genevieve, you would cry.

The poor little thing is blind.

Two and a half years old, blind.

She don't know what it is to see somebody.

Nobody at all. She can't eat. She can't do anything. All she does is wail and

cry all day long.

We want to save up a thousand dollars to take her to the doctor. Give her an

operation so she can see. And when she can see, I'll pay all the bills you ever

give me. I'll pay anything you want, but now, Pancho, I can't. I'm kind of my

little Genevieve. Oh, that's a very sad story.

Well, I have not much money.

No? But I give you all I have. Oh, Pancho.

That's real nice of you. Adios.

Pancho, I'll never forget you.

I thank you and my little Genevieve thank you. Senor, I hope the operation

on your little daughter is a big success.

Daughter? Si.

Genevieve ain't my daughter. Oh, she's a fat dog.

So long, sucker.

Oh.

Here is a lovely personality, ladies and gentlemen. You know, we always bring to

you something a little bit different.

He like the girls, we like them pretty, we like them, you know, with the lovely

eyes and everything.

It's Mitzi Ayers!

Thank you.

Sancho? Yes, senorita?

Look what I got.

For me?

Senorita, gracias.

Where did you get the money?

Man from St. Louis.

Thank you.

Bye.

If you would like to stretch, stretch with the India Rubber Girl, Betty Shea.