Original subtitles

Big Nick, what's up, man?

I'm working on the model I got for Christmas.

Oh, yeah, I wish I got a model for Christmas. Mm!

Five-nine, 120.

Bloo-bloo-blap-blap! Boom!

Wouldn't that be hard to put together?

I'm just kidding, Nick. Don't worry. Here, let me help you with this model.

It's pretty complicated, Will.

Please, boy, I was putting models together before you was born.

Come on, pass me that glue.

It's pretty strong stuff, Will.

Never in the history of pugilistic pursuit has one so completely dominated.

Muhammad, what do you have to say?

I'm the greatest and I'm pretty. You know I made you, Howard.

What is going on here?

The family vowed to get in shape for the new year.

We gonna go to the gym. I'm gonna take Nicky and put him in a boxing class.

Fine. Just make sure he learns...

...that boxing is about athleticism and sportsmanship, not violence.

Now I'm gonna get medieval on you.

We ain't really get to the sportsmanship part yet.

Well, hey, Uncle Phil, why don't you come to the gym with us?

Oh, I'd love to, I really would, but I have so much work to do on the trial this morning.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Okay, okay, fine.

I'm not going because I don't want to. And you can't make me.

So how do I look?

Hilary, we're going to the gym.

Oh, you're right, fluorescent lights. I should put on more blush.

I'm a maniac, maniac on the floor

I'm a maniac, maniac

You're an idiot.

This is the latest design in workout wear. Gore-Tex, breathable.

Specially designed to stop any riding up while on the stair climber.

So, what do you think?

I think you look like a family-size tube of Aquafresh.

Geoffrey, what do you think? Honestly.

I think it's the most ridiculous costume I've ever seen.

I stand corrected.

Hey, Ashley. All ready for your first day at work?

What was I thinking telling Daddy I'd pay for half my car? I feel like a dork.

And I have to wear this same stupid uniform day after day after day.

Gee, wouldn't that suck?

Hey, hey, Nicky. Got you all signed up for your boxing lesson.

- So I'll meet you over by the ring later? - Okay.

I'm gonna float like a butterfly and stink like a bee.

That's close enough, all right.

Oh, yeah.

I'm already starting to feel the burn.

Tight as them pants are, you probably started a forest fire in your drawers.

- Excuse me, Will, I have a workout to do. - Hey, Carlton, I was reading this.

It says here they have personal trainers. Why don't you get one?

No need, Will. Carlton Banks is gym savvy.

All right.

Ugh!

Help! Help!

Help! Get it off of me!

- Help! - Hey, hey, hey.

You okay?

Me? Of course, I'm fine.

I always scream like a girl when I'm working out.

Ha, ha, ha. Stan Callahan. I'm the gym's personal trainer.

Have you given any thoughts to private sessions?

Well, I don't really need a personal trainer.

As you can see, I've already got a good base.

Yeah, well, let's take a look.

Well, according to this, you're a can of Crisco.

But spread over a good base, right?

Hey, I think you're just right for the gold package, huh?

Gold?

- I think I like the sound of that. - Ha, ha, ha.

Will, how do you turn these on?

- You gotta work them yourself, Hil. - Oh.

Ew! I'm starting to sweat.

Ninety-eight...

...99...

...100. Argh!

Whoo!

That was a heck of a workout. What do you say we hit the showers?

Okay, let's get you started with a little aerobic exercise...

...just to get the heart rate up.

Sounds like a plan, Stan.

All right. Okay, I'm gonna program it for a brisk walk...

...and check on you in 10 minutes. - All right.

Ah!

Yeah, well...

...I don't know about you...

...but I'm thinking after these hard workouts...

...we both might need a little massage, you know.

What you say I bring the oils?

Oh. Oh, no, no. Hell, no.

Now, remember, a clean uniform is a happy uniform. Ha, ha.

Okay. Now, what's our motto?

I represent Dippity Do Dog...

...the best doggone dog-dipping restaurant in the world.

Very good. Now, I assume you've read the manual?

- Yes. - Good.

- Dip a dog. - Excuse me?

Dip. Come on. Dip, dip, dip.

Dip.

Nope, all wrong. On page 27 of the manual it clearly states:

"Dog must be dipped at a 60-degree angle and rotated until completely coated."

- Okay. - Go ahead, try again.

All right.

Oh, no.

Oh. Ew.

Oh, God, I'm so sor... Oh!

- Okay, okay. - Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

- This won't happen again. l... - It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.

- I'm sorry. - We'll work up to the dogs.

- Okay. - Let's start with the lemonade, okay?

Now, it's all in the rhythm.

Churn, baby, churn

Ow!

Okay. Now you try.

Okay.

No, no, no. There's no rhythm.

Sing.

I don't want to sing.

Ashley, singing is what a Dippity Dog do.

Churn, baby, churn - That's it.

Lemon inferno Churn, baby, churn

Okay, come on. Ten more. You can do it. That's it. Nine, eight.

Looking good, looking good. Seven...

Whoo! I am pooped.

- Pooped? - Yeah.

I think it's time for a protein shake. So, what'll it be?

Tutti-frutti? Strawberry Sensation? Come on, I'm buying.

You know, I got a better idea.

Why don't you get back to your workout, you no-good, yellow-bellied waste of skin!

Huh?

The only thing you'll be drinking is my boot...

...if you don't get back on that machine, you no-good pansy!

I don't believe the gold package said anything about rudeness.

- Now! - Ah!

- Push! Two, three, four... - Ah! Ah! Ah!

...five, six, seven, eight. - Ah! Ah! Ah!

Stick and move. Stick and move. Keep your jab up. Keep your jab up.

Good. Okay, take a break, champ.

Ha, ha. Big Nick, what's up, man? How's your boxing lesson?

Great. Helena said I was the best in the class.

Helena?

Wait a minute, you're the boxing instructor?

You got a problem with that?

Oh, no, no. You know, cute little gloves, nice tight little outfit. Works for you, cutie.

Now, there's a typical male attitude.

Oh, no, no, no. No disrespect.

I'm just saying, you know, female boxers ain't exactly common.

Ain't nobody ever heard of Muhammad Ali Sheedy, you know.

You know, it's Sonny Liston, it's not Sonny and Cher Liston.

You know what I'm saying.

Sounds like you're saying you wanna put on some gloves and spar with me.

No. How'd it sound like that? Heh, heh, heh.

You don't want to?

Oh, no... You know what? My mom told me never hit a lady.

Because you're not fast enough?

Ah!

That's a good one. That's a good one. Now take it back.

- I don't think so. - Ooh.

No need to go there. Heh, heh.

- You're right. - Ooh.

That one actually hurt a little.

- Look here, Helena, I was thinking... - Ugh!

Shoot.

Now it's on.

All right.

- This is what you wanna do, huh? - Mm-hm.

- This what you want, huh? - Come on.

I'm about to give it to you. Sneaking punches at me.

- Hit me, hit me. Come on. - I'm gonna hit you.

Hit me, come on.

I can't. I can't.

Ugh!

- Ah! Come on! - Come on.

- Come on. - Come on. Chicken, chicken.

- Come on. - You're gonna die!

I don't feel right. I don't...

Come on. - Okay. Okay.

- Come on. - Come on, come on, come on.

Come on, hit me. Hit me.

Your mama.

Mama said knock you out.

Shh.

- Is that him? - Yup.

Wow, I never seen a freak up close before.

He's not a freak.

He's just a wimp.

All right, that's enough.

Come on, you kids get out of here. Go ahead, go on, get out. Go, go.

Stop right there or I'll get my sister to come after you!

You bring your sister over here, I'll knock her block off!

Don't let them bother you, Master William.

You know, I once had a chum back in England...

...who was in this identical predicament.

He too was being ridiculed by his peers for suffering defeat at the hands of a lady.

Oh, and he came through it all right?

How should I know? You expect me to keep in touch with a wuss like that?

Hey, what happened to you?

Nazi trainer made muscles sore. Ugh.

Dude, you look bad.

Could be worse. Could be laughingstock of gym like you.

- So how you feeling, Will? - Not great.

Son, there's a lesson to be learned here.

Just because you got defeated by a, heh, woman, doesn't make you any less of a man.

- Yeah, I know that, Uncle Phil. - I can understand your being embarrassed...

...by being clocked by someone half your size, but you'll get past it.

- I'm feeling better already. - The sheer humiliation alone...

You know, I get it, Uncle Phil.

I just had the worst day of my life.

Well, at least I didn't get beat up by a girl.

How you doing? What's going on? Mind if I pedal with you?

That's my bike.

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see your name on it.

I said, that's my machine.

Uh... Look, why don't you go get a eucalyptus wrap and some facials and stuff?

Ow! Argh!

Hey. You messed up my count.

I hate it when people mess up my count.

Oh, no. - While you're in here...

...why don't you just work out, okay? Here, hold this.

It's lover boy again. What do you say we go for a little spin?

I have my whole agenda planned. First, I have an apple wrap...

...then a hot-oil massage, finishing with an aroma-therapy facial.

I'll be lucky if I'm able to walk tomorrow.

Well, today I have a little agenda of my own.

I'm telling Stan we're through, nada mas, kaputski.

Banks! - Coming.

Banks, you're late. Drop and give me 20.

Okay, but that doesn't leave much for yogurt.

I have to give you credit for showing up here again so soon.

Why? I ain't got nothing to be afraid of.

What you doing with that towel, girl?

I mean, look, when I get through with Wonder Woman...

...she gonna wonder why she messed with Will Smith in the first place.

Oh, my God, you're here to beat up a girl?

Oh. Oh, well, no. You know, I was just gonna rough her up a little bit.

Will.

Hey, you know, that's just a figure of speech, Hil.

So, what are you gonna do?

I'm... I'm... I'm... I ain't gonna do nothing.

You know how to mess up all the fun, don't you?

- Hey, look who's here. - Hey!

What's up? How you doing?

You know, I'm sorry about yesterday.

I didn't mean to pick on you like that.

What you mean, yesterday?

Oh! Oh, yesterday. You mean when you sucker-punched me.

No, no. When I knocked you senseless.

You know, Helena, you actually said that like you believed it.

Oh, I did. And I'm ready to do it again.

Why do you keep doing that?

Admit that you're afraid and I'll leave you alone.

Girl, let me tell you something. Ain't nobody afraid of you.

You know, you have a real aggression disorder don't you?

- Oh, yeah? - Ah!

Ah!

Is there anything else?

That was really...

...impressive.

Take me.

Girl, you a little freaky deaky, ain't you?

Now.

Shoot, you don't have to tell me twice.

Thank you, and have yourself a Dippity Do Dog day.

Oh, my God. Tour bus.

Code red. Code red.

Man your stations, man your stations. Man your stations.

- Dip. Dip. Here you go. - Okay, okay, okay.

Come again. Come again.

Churn, churn, churn. Okay, okay, no problem.

- Churn, baby, churn, churn, baby, churn Oh, ketchup. Okay.

- Churn, baby, churn, churn, baby, churn Here you go.

Churn, baby, churn Churn, baby, churn

Here, guys. Come again. Here you go.

Watch out. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Come again. Come again. Come again.

- Here you go. Churn, baby, churn

- Thank you. - Come again. No, no, the Dippity Do.

- Here you go. Churn, baby, churn

Come again, come again. Here you go. Come again.

No problem. Here we go. Thank you, come again, sir. Thank you.

Come again. Come again? Come again.

Churn, baby, churn, churn, baby, churn Churn, baby, churn?

All right, all right. Everybody, listen up.

Everyone who wants a hot dog, over here. Everyone who wants a drink, here.

- And you, get ahold of yourself. - Come again.

Page 38 of the manual, "Don't freak out."

- You're right. - Yes.

You're right. I'm okay.

- Okay. All right. - Okay. Okay.

Okay. Here you go, sir. Come again.

Okay. - Come again.

Okay, Ali in his heyday versus Mike Tyson.

Girl, you crazy. Ali all the way.

- No, Tyson all the way. - Oh!

Are you crazy? What is wrong with you?

That's it, I'm through with that trainer. Carlton Banks is fine the way he is.

I told Callahan, in no uncertain terms, he can't push me around anymore.

At first, he wasn't comfortable with it, but I told him, "Tough, get comfortable with it."

I stood up to him like a man. I told him where to put his gold package.

- What'd he say when you told him? - He signed me up for the platinum package.

It's twice the price but he promised no rudeness.

Now tell me this. Tell me this.

Sugar Ray Leonard versus Sugar Ray Robinson.

Sugar Ray Leonard. He had the speed.

All right, I'll give you that. Now, this is a tough one right here.

Now, how about Rocky versus Rambo?

In the ring or in the jungle?

Mm.

- The jungle. - The jungle.