Original subtitles

You're either with us or against us, Web Slinger.

What do you say we track for door number three, a nice cozy rocket ship home?

That's not an option.

Look, John-John, there's nothing I'd like better than to see the Beasties take a nosedive,

but this isn't our fight.

Then who's is it?

These people need us.

So do a lot of folks back home.

Besides, have you tasted the hot dogs on this rock?

No, not again.

Hey, what is it?

Hey!

Wow.

I guess he has tasted the hot dogs on this rock.

Last time somebody ran away from me like that, she was my date at the junior prom.

Oh, my kiddie, I didn't have a date at the prom.

That oughta do it, Doc, clean as a whistle.

I wish you'd reconsider my offer, Phil.

There's always room on the sofa.

And miss out on my stargazing?

You already do enough for the folks around here.

I'm afraid it isn't much tonight.

Grilled cheese, my favorite.

You're a keeper, Doc.

Say goodnight to Shane for me.

All of the planets in the universe, I gotta get stuck in this hunk of junk.

If Jameson weren't so pigheaded, I'd be spending my nights with Mary Jane, instead of serving

time in this Twilight Zone.

It's not like I don't sympathize with these people, but -- Hey, watch it!

It's not like I don't sympathize with these people, it's not like I don't sympathize with these people.

It's not like I didn't need an ambulance before it arrived.

Tiger-san's kicking in.

Oh, no, you don't, buddy boy.

Nothing's getting in my way.

Not this time!

Hey, you guys, I'm gonna get you some food.

Excuse me, this is no way to treat a perfectly good grilled cheese.

Bugger-off, twerp.

Looks like your friends don't think much of you either.

My friends?

I figured they belong to you.

They aren't fans, that's for sure.

You may get out of sight, but not out of mind.

Forget it, bud.

You're in no condition to travel.

Those bums have been working this town like a couple of 49ers, only the ore they're mining

is human, not gold.

Tonight, I finally got close enough to stop them.

And then you came along.

Maybe it's still not too late.

I don't know what your story is, but do us both a favor and keep your nose clean.

Wait a minute, who the heck are you?

I'll tell you this much, unlike some people, I ain't no wannabe.

Wannabe?

Who's he calling a...

Ow.

I guess Porky's blast got me worse than I thought.

Oh, hiya, sport.

Isn't it past your bedtime?

I thought I heard thunder.

More like a little late night demolition.

You better get back to...

You okay, Peter?

Never been better.

Mom!

Peter's hurt!

Mom!

Hey, warn the guy why don't you?

Pupils look good.

And if the disposition needs improving, how's your shoulder?

Better.

Thanks.

But you didn't have to bother.

I'm a fast healer, remember?

Mom says you got that in a fight.

And how does Mom know that?

Call it an educated guess.

As a matter of fact, I got caught by a blaster last night, courtesy of a couple of beasties

snatching people off the street.

They grabbed one guy right in the middle of his grilled cheese sandwich.

Something's happened to Phil?

Who?

The man who sweeps up for me.

Life's already treated him badly enough.

We've got to do something.

There's no one I can call who cares what happens to humans.

What are we gonna do?

Don't worry, MJ.

MJ?

Uh, sorry.

My mistake.

I'm gonna check this out, I'll call you as soon as I know anything.

Hey Mom, if Peter's shoulder got blasted, how come his shirt didn't have any holes in

it?

MJ?

Sheesh.

How about your Freudian disasters?

I really gotta get off this rock.

The signal for my spider tracer's coming in loud and clear.

Those pranks paramedics are about to get a taste of their own medicine.

The heat from the engine must have loosened the adhesive.

So much for my spot on the Mensa roster.

Time for a little exploratory surgery.

It's not exactly a friendly little camp out, no wonder there's no marshmallows.

Still warm.

They haven't been gone long.

Probably waited here for a bigger vehicle to pick them all up.

Beastie old beauty?

An oxymoron any place in the universe but here.

Not exactly a name you'd expect for a condiment company.

Let's see what a string through the yellow pages will find.

If he's anything like the security guards back on my earth, ten to one, this guy's

working a crossword puzzle.

What's a five-letter word for piece of cake?

Let me spell it for you, Einstein, C-I-N-C-H.

That was even easier than I thought.

At this rate, I may have Phil back home before--

You got an appointment, pal?

Hey, he's one of them torps from last night.

Blast him!

Anybody know the way to the little boy's room?

All right, Bud, you served your purpose.

Now go home before I have to pull your bacon out of the fire again.

I wish I could go home.

What do you mean I serve my purpose?

I saw you shoot what could only be a tracer at that ambulance last night, so when I lost

them, I went back and waited for you to show up and lead the way.

So which one of us is Slicker, me for finding this place or you for knowing I would?

Don't push it, buddy boy.

If you were smart, you'd be happy to be what you are, human, instead of tricking yourself

out like a wannabe arachnid.

You think I deliberately set out to be like this?

No.

I know how unexpected events change things.

That's why I can't hurt any more humans.

I grew up in the upper world, just another privileged brat with the usual privileged

pals.

To my friends, humans were like bugs.

If they got in your way, you stepped on them without a second thought.

My buddies didn't know about Cliff.

He was our housekeeper's son.

We'd been hanging together since we were babies, and he was my best friend.

One night, the gang decided to have a little fun with humans, and I went along for the

ride.

I had no idea what they meant to do, and when I found out, I knew it was wrong, but I didn't

have the strength of character to resist.

I never saw Cliff again, but the look on his face changed my life.

I vowed to do everything I could to stop human suffering, no matter what it took.

A lot of folks feel strongly about something, but they don't take it to the streets?

Isn't there some kind of ASPCH you could join?

I tried that, but the situation needs action, not newsletters.

Seems to me I've heard something like that before.

What do you say we get to the bottom of all this?

We?

Don't worry, it won't last.

Working well with others isn't exactly my strong suit.

You!

You're next!

Bestial beauty, cosmetics... this building's a lab, with innocent humans as test subjects.

Entry authorized.

Now we in without a retinal implant.

Leave it to me, Birdman.

I've got just the ticket.

Meet you at the side door in two minutes.

Not bad for a wannabe, huh?

Entry authorized, please step forward.

Side door should be right around here.

I love it when they don't look up.

Took you long enough.

Stop right there!

Don't move!

Found the alarm!

Thanks, but I just got a train.

Guard entry!

What the heck?

I knew I should've kept working alone.

Where do you insects think you're going?

To fight a kinder, gentler, and prettier bad guy?

No jokes, buddy boy.

Let's try a little misdirection.

Whoa, big guy!

That's a nasty case of indigestion.

And then there was one.

At least we know you can count.

Hate when that happens.

Take him to research and development.

It isn't every day we get the pleasure of experimenting on such interesting specimens.

I'm gonna enjoy this.

Just think what it means to us.

What it means, insect, is that you'll soon regret the moment you ever thought of going

up against fire, Drake.

Honestly, I'm pretty clear on that without the demonstration, thank you.

The master is here.

Heh.

The high evolutionary.

I'd be honored to meet my creator, if I didn't already hate him.

Why should he get the credit when someone so much more deserving does all the work?

Ram-head, you're buying all this?

We do what we must to elevate ourselves, yes?

It's fire, Drake, I've created a being the high evolutionary can only dream of.

And as a result of my work here, there will be many more to come.

Proceed.

Something tells me we're in for more than a facial.

I've gotta free the rest of the prisoners.

And I'll keep Peterbreath busy.

Get ready to fry, insect!

And here I think you're a low fat kinda guy.

Wait a minute.

I've finally promised to keep fire, Drake, busy.

Ahh!

By the high evolutionary!

No, sir, you were right!

You deserve all the credit for this!

Say goodnight, bird.

There's gotta be something that'll put out that fire.

Hey, that's the ticket?

Nothing like a little super-cool liquid nitrogen.

No, sir, you were right.

You deserve all the credit for this.

Ahh!

Say goodnight, bird.

There's gotta be something that'll put out that fire.

Hey, that's the ticket?

Nothing like a little super-cool liquid nitrogen.

Say goodnight, bird.

There's gotta be something that'll put out that fire.

Hey, that's the ticket?

Nothing like a little super-cool liquid nitrogen.

Say goodnight, bird.

Say goodnight, bird.

Nothing like a little super-cool liquid nitrogen.

Hey, fire Drake, cure the breath that offends with Dr. Spiderman's prescription for chronic

flaming halitosis.

Huh.

I wonder if a placebo would have had the same effect.

There he is, your tormentor.

Let me at him.

There he is, your tormentor.

There he is, your tormentor.

There he is, your tormentor.

Wait, you don't want to do this.

After what he did to them, what better justice is there?

Listen to me, Vulture.

Killing Soram will only turn all of you into what he is, a monster.

Get out of the way.

There are other ways to win your war, but this battle's already over.

After what's happened, Bestial Beauty is as good as out of business.

He's right.

Revenge may sound sweet, but right now, home sounds a whole lot better.

You got better than you deserve, Soram.

Next time, you may not be so lucky.

Nor you, Sarah.

Only speech-bud, but in my book, you're still a wannabe.

Here you go, Phil.

Welcome back.

Doc, it's great to be here, and this time, I'm going to finish my grilled cheese.

I'm going to finish my grilled cheese.

Okay, I'm going to finish my grilled cheese, and I'm going to finish my grilled cheese.

Okay, I'm going to finish my grilled cheese, and I'm going to finish my grilled cheese.