All language subtitles for Episode 622 Slumber Party Massacred

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

( phone ringing )

There you go.

Cheers.

Oh, yeah, hi, Vera.

Uh, let me see
if he's here yet.

Oh, yeah,
he just walked in.

Yeah, here he is
right now.

All right, bye.

Yeah, yeah, it's for you.

Hi, honey.

Yeah.

I, I have no idea.

I mean, uh...

did you try
that broom closet?

Well, how about the pantry?

Well, that would be
a good place to look, okay?

All right.

Okay, let me know, thanks.

Oh, here.

Well, what's
Mrs. Peterson doing?

I don't know, she's looking
for the fire extinguisher.

Was there a fire in your house?

I have no idea.

Should I have asked?

( piano plays )

� Making your way
in the world today �

� Takes everything you've got

� Taking a break
from all your worries �

� Sure would help a lot

� Wouldn't you like
to get away? �

� Sometimes you want to go

� Where everybody
knows your name �

� And they're always glad
you came �

� You want to be
where you can see �

� Our troubles
are all the same �

� You want to be where everybody
knows your name �

� You want to go
where people know �

� People are all the same

� You want to go where
everybody knows your name. �

( cheering )

( indistinct sportscast on TV )

( dings loudly )

REBECCA:
Attention, everyone, attention!

I'm getting rid
of that television.

( groaning )

And I am replacing it
this weekend

with a new 27-inch screen TV

with a direct hookup
to the Cable Sports Channel.

Thank you.

( applause and cheering )

Kind of a jerky thing to do,

but I liked it.

NORM:
That means
we'll be able

to watch that world welterweight
championship bout

between Hector
"The Hammer" Rodriguez

and Julio
"The Hacker" Rodriguez.

Who do you think's gonna win?

My money's on Rodriguez.

Julio "The Hacker" Rodriguez

has got a glass jaw.

My uncle Fergie had a glass eye.

He used to take it out
and scare the cat.

This is Cheers, Dorothy.

Isn't it amusing?

Frasier, would you be a dear
and get us some drinks?

Sam, can I have

three martinis please?

Make mine a double.

How's married life
treating ya?

Quite a change, huh?

Well, you know,
Lilith and I

did live together for
a year before we wed.

So other than the fact
that I now see it

stretching
endlessly before me,

until I lie rotting
in the grave,

there's no real difference.

Now, Lilith, if you,
your family,

and generations of your
ancestors had lived

with the boot of oppression
on your throat,

would cutting out a man's heart
seem that extreme?

So who's
the party girl?

Dorothy Greenberg.

She's an old childhood chum
of Lilith's from New York.

She's been
visiting for a week.

She's a
professional student.

She's writing
her dissertation

on the Comuneros'
uprising in Paraguay
during the 1700s.

She can't talk
about anything else.

Believe me, when
you've heard one
Bruno de Zavala joke,

you've heard them all.

Sam, I got to

get this over with.

Listen, there's something
I got to ask you,

and I don't want you
to take it the wrong way.

What is it?

Would you come to dinner
at my house tonight?

Hey, I thought
we were friends.

Well, it's just that

Eddie wants us
to practice our social skills

so he can invite
his boss over to dinner.

Can't you ask
somebody else?

Please? Come on.

I'm sure any one
of the guys

would love to go.

Guys, am I...

So, uh...
I'll expect you at 7:00?

Yeah, all right.
All right.

Where'd you guys go?

Go?
Huh?

We were right here
all the time, Sammy.

By the way, uh,

thanks for hogging
that invitation

to Carla's house
all for yourself.

There's room
for one more.

Sam, you sit here.

Thank you.

What is this, Sammy-- no date?

Uh, your mom didn't
want me to bring one.

I always like

to be the prettiest woman

in my house.
( chuckles )

And you always will be, baby.

You're no magazine cover
yourself.

Now.

EDDIE:
Oh, these look great.

Mm-hmm.

You know, Carla,

it's, uh, nice to see you

surrounded by
such a loving family.

Oh, it's eerie, Sam.
Mmm.

I got a husband

who does windows.

And all the kids
are out of jail.

For the first time in my life,

when morning comes around,

I want to open up my eyes
instead of my wrists.

That's beautiful, honey.

Uh, and who knows, Ma?

Someday... well,
you can look forward

to having grandkids.

( laughing ):
Carla, a grandmother?

You've got to be kidding.

No, no.

Sammy, it's true.

I think I'd like to be
a grandmother someday.

I mean, get all the fun,

none of the responsibility.

Just seeing the little brats
when I want to.

I think you're gonna
be surprised

what a sweet
little old granny I'll be.

That's great,
'cause I knocked up Annie good.

What!?

Hey, hey, hey!

Oh! Oh! Carla!

Carla! Carla!

What are you thinking of?!

I just waxed that table.

Come here, come here.
Come on, come on.

Get off. Come on.

Come here, come here.

And besides...

this is family business.

Let's, um...

Let's talk
about this later, okay?

( sighs )

So what kind of car
do you drive, Ed?

I thought you said

you wanted to be a grandmother.

Someday.

Like years from now,

when you've moved
thousands of miles away.

Carla, please.

I drive a Corvette myself.

How could you do this?!

Hey, I'm going to
be 20 in two years.

I can hear my
biological
clock ticking.

Do you know what it
takes to raise a kid?

Ma, will you relax?
I got a job.

You think you can
support a family

pushing cheeseburgers?!

Well, I thought
we'd all stay here.

Ho-ho, great.

More people
in this house.

I get about 19
on the highway,
15 in town.

Whose stupid idea
was this anyway?

Hey, I was getting bored
sitting around the house.

I thought this might
give her something to do.

I'll give you

something to do!

Oh!
EDDIE:
No, no.

Carla, Carla, Carla!

Come on.

Well...

if this is the way
that we are going to be treated

on the happiest day
of our young lives,

then I don't want
to live in this house anymore!

Anthony!

You should probably
come with me.

But we haven't eaten yet.

Your hair is full
of bread crumbs.

We could butter your head
and make a sandwich.

I had a sandwich for lunch!

Oh, go on.
Go, go!

Get out of here!

Let's see how long
you last on your own!

I give you three days!

Two, two tops! You hear me?

Carla, come on.
Calm down.

Sammy, you get 15 in the city?

Hey, so they're
gonna have a baby.

They'll, they'll find their way
through it.

You don't understand.

My life is over.

I'm going to be a grandmother.

I mean,

I might as well wrap myself up

in a black babushka,

get fat and grow hairs
out of my moles.

Oh, come on.

( laughs )

You're
exaggerating.

Do I have
to get out the family album?

CARLA:
Oh, God,

this is terrible.

Look at my life.

I never had a childhood.

I married Nick when I was 15.

Never got to go
to the prom or homecoming,

to a slumber party,

to Fort Lauderdale
on Spring Break.

Or on one lousy date
with Fabian.

Now I don't even get
a middle age.

Go straight from grade school
to Granny.

I don't know what to say,

Carla.

Just don't say anything, okay?

There's nothing
anybody can say

that's gonna change anything,

so just don't say anything.

Yeah, but, Carla...

Sam, I said don't say anything.

Weren't you listening to me?

Yes, Carla...

I said don't say anything!

Nobody listens to me.

I listen to...

Shut up, shut up, shut up!

Just stay away
and leave me alone!

I'm going to my room,

wait for the angel of death.

Oh, here's one
of my favorite paintings

of the Comuneros.

It depicts the peasant army
struggling

to push this cannon
to the top of the hill.

Later, they found out
they were on the wrong hill

and had fired
on their own village.

These people
had no luck.

That's fascinating,
Dorothy.

Isn't that
fascinating, Frasier?

Oh, yes, yes.

You know, these stories make me
long to visit Paraguay...

right now.

( hooting and cheering )

I hired you
as a temporary waitress.

What on earth were you doing
with your blouse off?

Serving drinks.

This is not a topless bar.

What, I'm supposed
to get tips for
good service?

Yes, dear, that's
the way we do
it around here.

Well, I'm sorry,

but I don't beauties
like these under wraps.

Out.

Out!

God, that is the fourth temp

waitress we've gone through.

I hate this bar.

Excuse me, Miss,
can we get some service?

Yes, sir.

WOMAN:
Miss,

this martini
is too dry.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I'll take care of that.

I've had it.

Isn't Carla ever coming back?

I was not born
to be a waitress.

I was born
to manage waitresses.

Oh, Miss?
You'll get it
when I'm damn good and ready!

Oh, God.

Well, we tried
to cheer up Carla,

but I don't
think it worked.

Yeah? How far did you get?

About a half
block away.

She hit Mr. Clavin
with a rock.

Woody, uh, would you have
a little look-see?

Is there a lump up there?

Well, let's see.

No.

Gee, Mr. Clavin,
do you pluck
your eyebrows?

( groans )

We can't get along
without Carla here.

How can we get her back?

Uh, well, I don't know,
but let's start

at square one here.

We know that,
uh, she's upset

about having a
grandchild, right?

Another round, Sam?

Coming right up.

Table 11, please.

Well, she was complaining

that she'd missed out on all
that teenage stuff, you know?

Homecoming, proms, may...

What-What if we do something

to take her back
to her teen years?

Like get her pregnant?

CLIFF:
No.

That's been done
to death.

W-What else did she say?
What else?

Uh, let me think,
let me think.

All right, something
about a sleep over.

No, no, I know.
Slumber party.

Yeah, slumber party.

A slumber party?
Right.

Well, that's it.

Why don't we just
throw the woman

a slumber party, and
that'll cheer her up.

Recreating a ritual
of youth is often

just the thing
to get someone

out of depression centered
on a fear of aging.

I find it also helps
to listen to heavy doses

of Credence Clearwater Revival.

REBECCA:
Great.

I'm gonna do that.
SAM:
All right.

REBECCA:
Just one question.

What-what do you do
at a slumber party?

Well, the phrase
"slumber party"

would imply
that one sleeps,

but somehow I sense
that's meant to be ironic.

Terrific. We're really
on a roll here.

I have a patient of that age.

I suppose
I could do some research

and help you put
something together.

REBECCA:
Thank you, Lilith.

I would really
appreciate that.

LILITH:
Certainly.
Say, Rebecca,

if you're in need

of some extra guests,

I know a couple
of fun-loving gals

who could really use
a night on the town

away from
boring old me.

And, uh,

Lilith, you've
always told me

that you found Carla
an interesting, uh...

psychological
case study.

Won't you be lonely?

FRASIER:
Well, it'll give me

a chance to be alone
with Dorothy's books

and a roaring fire.

Well, what do
you say, Lilith?

� Big wheel keep on turning

� Proud Mary keep on burning

� Rolling
� Rolling

� Rolling
� Rolling

BOTH:
� Rolling on the river...

You know, you don't often get
to see them loosen up like this.

( whispering ):
Come on in, the coast is clear.

Hi, Eddie.
Hey, how you doing?

Good.
Hi, uh...
how are you?

There you go.
Thank you
so much.

Sure, sure.

All right, I'm gonna
put on the 45s.

Where's Carla?

She's in the back room knitting.

Oh, that's a sign
she's perking up.

I don't think so.

It's her death shroud.

Oh, no.

I forgot the marshmallows
for the hot chocolate.

That's okay, we'll use
the ones for the s'mores.

Then what will we use
for the s'mores?

Why don't we just skip
the s'mores?

You've been trying to get rid of
the s'mores since we've started.

No, I haven't.

You most certainly have...

Shh! Shh!

Go get Carla.

Hey, Carla,

could you come
out here for
a second?

CARLA:
No!

I'd like to discuss something
about your, uh, grave site.

CARLA:
Be right there.

( door opens )

Now!

ALL:
Surprise!

What the hell

are you doing here?

ALL:
We're having a slumber party!

LILITH:
That's right, Carla.

Hold on to your hat;
the gals are here.

Eddie, get the gun.

Now, Carla,

we know you're down,

but being alone is no way
to deal with depression.

You need your friends
around you.

Good idea.

Who the hell are you?

Dorothy.

Dorothy Greenberg.

Well, listen,
Dorothy, Dorothy,

get the hell
out of here,

and take all
this crap with you.

Now, come on, Carla.
Go, go, go!

Come on.

Why'd you let them in?

Because for the last four days

you've been sitting around
moping and whining

and scaring the kids.

I mean, for God's sake,

you haven't
yelled at them once.

Don't you think children
notice those things?

You're right,
I'm not a fit mother.

I'll leave immediately.

No, no, no.

Come on, Carla, look.

Look, if you're not gonna
do this for yourself,

will you do it for me?

I can't live with you
like this anymore.

Look, sweetie, gi-give
it a chance, would you?

Come on, give it an hour.

( sighs )

Look, if I do this,

would you and the Supremes

promise to
leave me alone,

get off my back?

We promise.

All right,
let's get the thing over with.

Let the slumber party begin.

I'm going to take off
for about an hour,

then I'm gonna come back
and help you clean up

after you have
all your wacky gal fun.

Bring body bags.

Well, Lilith,
you have the list.

Where do we start?

( paper rustling )

All right, let's see.

All right, so on the list

we have to do, uh,
each other's hair.

Then we talk about boys.

Ooh, tell scary stories.

Have a pillow fight,

and then for
the grand finale,

assorted madcap pranks.

What kind of pranks?

According to my patient,

when the first person
falls asleep,

the others take her underwear,
dip it in water

and then put it
in the icebox for an hour

to freeze it solid.

Or they could let you
wear it for ten minutes.

Why don't we just

move to the
pillow fight?

Do that again,

and they'll be
tracing you in chalk.

Uh-oh, Carla.

I saw the corners of
your mouth twitching.

Are there little elves

pulling on them?

Up. Up.

Oh, here they go again.

Are you trying
not to smile?

No, I'm getting ready
to spit on you.

CLIFF:
Yep, in a little under an hour,

Hector "The Hammer" Rodriguez

will be nailing
Julio "The Hasbeen" Rodriguez

into the canvas on our new TV.

Cliffie, in your dreams.

I say "The Hammer"
goes down in five rounds.

You're on.

I say three.
Two.

All right.
Get some
money up here.

We don't even
have a manual.

How are you gonna
hook that thing up?

WOODY:
Easy, Sam.

They included
a special videotape

showing exactly
how to hook everything up.

So all we have to do
is hook everything up,

watch the tape,

and then we'll know
exactly what to do.

Okay, how long

before Woody spots the
flaw in his reasoning?

I say, uh,
eight minutes.
Give me three.

Okay, I say five.
I say two.

Yeah, I'm in, I'm in.
( phone rings )

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

There you go.
I'm in for ten.

Cheers.

Sam, we're over here at Carla's,

but things aren't going
very well.

I thought that maybe

you guys could come over
and crash the party.

You know, something
to shake things up a little bit?

I'm desperate.

Oh, really?

I bet you're kind of sexy
when you're desperate, huh?

Breathing heavily?

Sam.

Is your chest heaving?

Sam, please.

Is your nightgown clinging

to your sweat-soaked body?

Yes.

We're on our way.

Hang on here.

How can I hook this up
to watch the tape

if I don't know
how to hook it up?

Uh, two minutes.
No.

Who had two?

( groaning )

Listen, guys, uh,
that was Rebecca.

Uh, slumber party's gone sour.

Let's go help her out.

Wait, wait, Sam,
what about the fight?

Oh, come on.

You think Woody's gonna be
able to fix that?

No one but Carla
can hook up a TV around here.

So we'll go cheer her up
and bring her back.

Don't be so harsh
on the kid, Sam.

Have a little faith here.

Wait a minute.

What are all these wires?

Party's gone
sour, you say.

( soft rock playing )

Want another s'more?

Not sweet
enough for me.

I think I'll just
have a bowl of syrup.

REBECCA:
Look, Carla.

Lilith's hair
is coming out nice.

Yeah, in clumps.

Carla, do you want me
to fix your hair, too?

What do you say?

I say your hour
is almost over.

Right.

Um, let's see what's
next on the list?

Ooh, good!

We get to tell scary stories.

You want to hear a scary story?

I'll tell you a scary story.

My life, that's a scary story.

Wonderful, Carla!

Okay, who's next?

( doorbell rings )

Oh, I hope it's not some boys

trying to crash
our slumber party.

What?!

Hi, listen.
What?!

I know, I know you
don't want to see me.

But I'll bet you want to see

the Four Swell Guys.

We're going to
be bringing you

memories of your
swinging teenage years.

( deepens voice ):
Do you remember
this, Carla?

� Duke, Duke, Duke,
Duke of Earl �

� Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl

� Duke, Duke,
Duke of Earl �

� Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl

� As I walked
through this world �

� Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl �

� Nothing can stop...
Shut up!

� Duke, Duke...

Why do you all
keep coming over here?

We're trying to cheer you up.

Well, stop it!

You can't cheer me up.

Why do people think

they always have
to rush over

a-and talk somebody out of it

when they're feeling lousy?

( Carla sighs )

Look, this grandmother thing

is just something
I have to work through,

and I will in time.

There's nothing
any of you guys could do.

Unless you can make me 15 again.

Can any of you

make me 15 again?

Well, can you?

Look, if you really
cared about me,

you would just...
get out of my house

and do what I asked you to
a long time ago.

Just... just leave me alone.

You mean you really

want to be left alone?

Let's go, guys.
Come on.

Now what?

The party was stupid.

DOROTHY:
This was not a stupid party.

Oh, well, I stand corrected.

It was the social event
of the season.

Shut up.

Oh, yeah? You want
a punch in the mouth?

You're gonna be all right?

Yeah.

I appreciate
what you tried to do, Sam.

I'll be okay,
you know?

You know, something
always comes along,

some little something,

makes everything work out.

But I got to find it myself.

You can't do it for me.

All right.

You know my number.

( door closes )

( latch turns )

Sorry, Carla, I, uh...

( clears throat )

... just forgot my jacket.

( ripping sound )

Darn these pants.

Why do they keep doing this?

I had them fixed.