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1
00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:06,000
Cheers is filmedbefore a live studio audience.
2
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:09,100
Sam, I found an apartment.
3
00:00:09,100 --> 00:00:10,700
Hey, good for you, Woody.
4
00:00:10,700 --> 00:00:12,400
It's got everything
I ever wanted.
5
00:00:12,500 --> 00:00:13,900
SAM:
What's that?
6
00:00:13,900 --> 00:00:15,900
A living room and a bedroom.
7
00:00:17,300 --> 00:00:20,400
Dare to dream there,
Woodman.
8
00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:22,500
Isn't this in Chinatown?
9
00:00:23,900 --> 00:00:25,100
I don't think so, Sam.
10
00:00:25,100 --> 00:00:27,600
Well, yeah,
I think it is.
11
00:00:27,700 --> 00:00:30,500
Did there seem to be a lot
of Chinese restaurants around?
12
00:00:30,500 --> 00:00:31,300
Yeah, I guess.
13
00:00:31,300 --> 00:00:32,600
And, uh, a lot
14
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:35,300
of, uh, signs hanging hither
and yon in Chinese there?
15
00:00:35,300 --> 00:00:36,800
Yeah, come to think of it.
16
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:38,400
Yeah, lots of
Chinese people
walking around
17
00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:39,400
on the street,
I suppose.
18
00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:40,700
Yeah, but that could just
19
00:00:40,700 --> 00:00:42,200
be a coincidence, you know?
20
00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:44,900
I'll tell you
what I'll do.
21
00:00:44,900 --> 00:00:46,100
I'll call
my landlady.
22
00:00:46,100 --> 00:00:48,200
If anyone would know,
Mrs. Chung would.
23
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:54,500
( piano plays )
24
00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:57,100
� Making your way
in the world today �
25
00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,100
� Takes everything you've got
26
00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:03,000
� Taking a break
from all your worries �
27
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:06,100
� Sure would help a lot
28
00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:11,500
� Wouldn't you like
to get away? �
29
00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:14,500
� Sometimes you want to go
30
00:01:14,500 --> 00:01:19,400
� Where everybody
knows your name �
31
00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:24,700
� And they're always glad
you came �
32
00:01:24,700 --> 00:01:26,700
� You want to be
where you can see �
33
00:01:26,700 --> 00:01:29,700
� Our troubles
are all the same �
34
00:01:29,700 --> 00:01:34,400
� You want to be where everybody
knows your name �
35
00:01:34,500 --> 00:01:37,600
� You want to go
where people know �
36
00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:39,700
� People are all the same
37
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:44,300
� You want to go where
everybody knows your name. �
38
00:02:02,100 --> 00:02:03,200
So, uh, Woody,
39
00:02:03,300 --> 00:02:05,800
how's the ol' apartment
working out?
40
00:02:05,900 --> 00:02:07,500
Oh, great, Mr. Clavin.
41
00:02:07,500 --> 00:02:09,700
You know my landlady,
Mrs. Chung?
Yeah.
42
00:02:09,700 --> 00:02:11,800
She's teaching me a new word
in Chinese every day.
43
00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:15,400
The trick is to work it
into the conversation smoothly.
44
00:02:15,500 --> 00:02:17,700
Say, Carla,
45
00:02:17,700 --> 00:02:20,600
seen any interesting
( speaks Chinese ) lately?
46
00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:25,300
What are you babbling about,
Festus?
47
00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:30,200
( speaks Chinese ) is
the Chinese word for "doorknob."
48
00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:36,600
Well, here's a couple of
( speaks Chinese ) right here.
49
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,400
SAM:
Hey, Bobby.
50
00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:40,700
Any new twists
in the pretzel business?
51
00:02:40,700 --> 00:02:43,100
Hey, I haven't heard that one
before, right, Sammy?
52
00:02:43,100 --> 00:02:44,400
( laughing )
53
00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:46,200
So you want the usual
four cases?
54
00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:47,000
Yeah.
55
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,300
Excuse me.
56
00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:50,000
I'm the new manager here.
57
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,700
Congratulations.
58
00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:53,600
So, uh, that's
four, right, Sam?
59
00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:54,500
Mm-hmm.
60
00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:57,400
I handle all the ordering
around here now.
61
00:02:57,500 --> 00:02:58,700
Really, Sam?
62
00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:02,000
So how many cases
do you want?
63
00:03:02,100 --> 00:03:03,200
How many did he say?
64
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:04,400
Four.
65
00:03:04,500 --> 00:03:05,800
I want five.
66
00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,500
She's the boss.
67
00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:09,400
I'll call you later.
68
00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:12,500
I saw that little
wink, Mr. Malone,
69
00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:14,000
and I don't
appreciate it.
70
00:03:14,100 --> 00:03:17,000
I'm tired of you
undermining my authority.
71
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:19,200
Now I want delivery men to deal
with me and me only.
72
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:20,200
Is that clear?
73
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,200
You certainly put me
in my place.
74
00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:24,200
Speaking of my place,
75
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:26,600
why don't you grab your negligee
and join me?
76
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:30,100
As disgusting as
that offer is
77
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:32,200
( chuckles )
I think I'll
have to decline.
78
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:34,900
And I'm taking
your picture down.
79
00:03:34,900 --> 00:03:35,800
Whoa, whoa, wait a sec.
80
00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,000
You don't understand.
81
00:03:37,100 --> 00:03:39,200
I mean, it's a tradition
around here.
82
00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:40,600
It's always hung there.
83
00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:43,200
Mr. Malone, I'm afraid
things are different now.
84
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,000
This isn't your
bar anymore.
85
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:46,100
( nasally ):
Things are different now.
86
00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:47,100
This isn't your bar....
87
00:03:48,500 --> 00:03:50,300
Don't do that.
88
00:03:50,300 --> 00:03:52,000
I hate that.
89
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,300
( nasally ):
What? I just, uh,
bit my tongue, that's all.
90
00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:58,700
( nasally ):
Way to go, Sammy.
91
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:00,800
( groans )
92
00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:03,000
( sighs )
93
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:05,100
Give me a scotch, Woody.
94
00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:06,600
Sure thing, Dr. Crane.
95
00:04:06,700 --> 00:04:07,900
Hey, by the way,
96
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:09,200
when you go to
the restroom,
97
00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:10,500
I want you to
notice that the
98
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:13,100
( speaks Chinese )
have been shined.
99
00:04:15,900 --> 00:04:18,400
I'm hardly concerned
about doorknobs at the moment.
100
00:04:20,700 --> 00:04:22,000
You understood me?
101
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,100
Yes. It was only
a matter of time.
102
00:04:29,300 --> 00:04:30,900
Well, doesn't anybody care
to know
103
00:04:30,900 --> 00:04:32,100
what I am concerned about?
104
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:33,500
No.
105
00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:35,600
Well, Fras,
you know normally,
106
00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,100
I wouldn't give a rat's tokus
107
00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:39,000
about anything
that happened to you,
108
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:41,600
but the last guy
I waited on threw up on my leg.
109
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,600
Now, this couldn't be
any worse, right?
110
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:45,200
Shoot.
111
00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:46,700
It's my love life.
112
00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:48,900
I'm gonna go find the guy
that threw up on my leg.
113
00:04:50,300 --> 00:04:51,600
What's up, Frasier?
114
00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:52,900
Well, Sam, this morning,
115
00:04:52,900 --> 00:04:55,600
Lilith and I had
the worst fight we've ever had.
116
00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:57,400
And I'm almost ashamed
to admit it, but I...
117
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:58,700
I even considered
striking her.
118
00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:00,800
I mean, it wasn't completely
without provocation.
119
00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:02,100
She did throw a chair at me.
120
00:05:02,100 --> 00:05:03,600
Just...
121
00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:06,200
it's the same argument we've had
all the time lately. It...
122
00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:08,200
Only this time,
she-she issued an ultimatum.
123
00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:10,000
She... she said
we ought to get married,
124
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,000
or we're through.
125
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:14,500
Well, Frasier Crane does not
cotton to emotional blackmail.
126
00:05:14,500 --> 00:05:16,900
Frasier, propose to her.
127
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:18,300
Get it over with.
128
00:05:18,300 --> 00:05:19,900
The truth is, she's
got her hook in you.
129
00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:21,100
Well, Sam, I'm not a fish.
130
00:05:21,100 --> 00:05:22,300
I'm a man.
131
00:05:22,300 --> 00:05:23,500
There is a difference.
132
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:24,700
I know that.
133
00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:26,700
A fish would
stand a chance.
134
00:05:26,700 --> 00:05:28,500
Trust me,
propose.
135
00:05:28,500 --> 00:05:30,400
I couldn't, uh,
help but overhear
136
00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:32,700
what you were talking about
there, Fras.
137
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:33,900
Yeah.
138
00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:35,600
( clears throat ):
We tried like hell,
139
00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:36,900
but, uh, we heard it anyway.
140
00:05:36,900 --> 00:05:39,600
Well, it's not
that I don't care for Lilith.
141
00:05:39,700 --> 00:05:42,600
It-It's just that I fear
I-I tied myself to her
142
00:05:42,700 --> 00:05:43,900
because, well, you know,
143
00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:45,900
I haven't been all
that successful with women.
144
00:05:45,900 --> 00:05:47,000
Ah.
For some reason,
145
00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,900
I don't think
they find me sexy.
146
00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:49,900
Get out!
Guys, huh?
Come on!
147
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:50,900
Uh, you know, Fras,
148
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:52,300
I wouldn't kick
you out of bed
149
00:05:52,300 --> 00:05:54,400
for eating crackers.
150
00:05:55,700 --> 00:05:58,200
Maybe subconsciously,
I've-I've settled for Lilith
151
00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:01,800
because she's the only woman
that ever liked me for...
152
00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:03,500
well, not my brain.
153
00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:04,800
NORM:
Oh, Frasier, please.
154
00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:06,000
I know of plenty
of women,
155
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,200
they-they
find you attractive.
156
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:10,100
Yeah...
Oh, look, I know you're
just being nice...
157
00:06:10,100 --> 00:06:12,300
No.
...but you see,
I'm not really
158
00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:13,300
trying to
shop around.
159
00:06:13,300 --> 00:06:15,500
I mean, Lilith Sternin is a...
160
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,500
a good woman.
161
00:06:17,500 --> 00:06:20,500
Strong, durable, reliable.
162
00:06:20,500 --> 00:06:23,100
She'd make a hell
of a radial tire, actually.
163
00:06:24,700 --> 00:06:26,100
( cash register bell dings )
164
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,700
Oh, I'm just
too young for
a commitment.
165
00:06:28,700 --> 00:06:31,500
You see, I haven't been
with all that many women.
166
00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:33,500
Especially ones
with a caboose like that.
167
00:06:34,900 --> 00:06:36,900
Well, Fras, uh,
talk about a small world.
168
00:06:36,900 --> 00:06:39,100
You know it's common knowledge
around here
169
00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:41,200
that Miss Howe
finds you tr�s attractive.
170
00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:42,700
Oh, now stop it.
She does not.
171
00:06:42,700 --> 00:06:43,900
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
172
00:06:43,900 --> 00:06:45,800
Gentlemen, gentlemen,
am I blowing smoke here,
173
00:06:45,900 --> 00:06:47,500
or am I giving the man
the straight skinny?
174
00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:48,700
It's true.
175
00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:49,800
He's right, Frasier.
176
00:06:49,900 --> 00:06:51,300
Rebecca likes
the cut of your jib.
177
00:06:51,300 --> 00:06:52,900
Well, the
Cranes always
have been known
178
00:06:52,900 --> 00:06:54,400
for their jibs.
179
00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:55,700
( laughter )
180
00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:56,900
No, seriously.
181
00:06:56,900 --> 00:06:58,300
It's outlandish.
I mean,
182
00:06:58,300 --> 00:07:00,200
the woman hasn't
even given me
an indication.
183
00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:01,400
Uh, I don't know,
184
00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:02,500
Fras.
185
00:07:02,500 --> 00:07:04,000
You know,
I think you'll find, uh,
186
00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:07,000
where there's smoke,
there's, uh, fire.
187
00:07:07,100 --> 00:07:08,500
Could I have a club
soda, please, Woody?
188
00:07:08,500 --> 00:07:09,800
Oh, sure thing,
Miss Howe.
189
00:07:28,700 --> 00:07:30,300
Thank you.
190
00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:35,700
Huh? Huh?
191
00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:37,000
Huh?
Huh?
192
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:38,800
Were we right,
or were we right, huh?
193
00:07:38,900 --> 00:07:40,800
I mean, there must
be some mistake.
194
00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:41,900
What?
A mistake?!
195
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:43,200
She was coming
on to me?
196
00:07:43,300 --> 00:07:45,900
No, no, she was trying
to wipe something off her lip.
197
00:07:45,900 --> 00:07:47,100
( chuckles ):
Oh, yeah.
198
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:48,400
Doc, Doc, she
talks about you
199
00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:49,600
all the time.
200
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:51,100
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, yeah.
201
00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:53,100
Look, look,
if you don't believe us, uh,
202
00:07:53,100 --> 00:07:54,600
just go over there
and ask her out.
203
00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:56,600
You'll have your answer.
204
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:57,800
All right,
I'll do it.
205
00:07:57,900 --> 00:07:59,000
I mean, it's
not like
206
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:00,800
I haven't had
any encouragement.
207
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:03,400
I can come hither
as well as the next guy.
208
00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:18,700
Is this the men's room?
209
00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,100
It's around the corner.
210
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:23,200
Oh, uh, terribly sorry.
211
00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:27,100
Well, I've laid the groundwork.
212
00:08:28,500 --> 00:08:30,700
I can just follow up that up
tomorrow. Oh, right now,
213
00:08:30,700 --> 00:08:32,400
I'm running late for dinner
so I better get back.
214
00:08:32,500 --> 00:08:34,300
You know, Lilith goes
into a blinding rage
215
00:08:34,300 --> 00:08:36,500
if I'm not home the minute
the meat hits the platter.
216
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:37,700
( soft chuckling )
217
00:08:37,700 --> 00:08:39,700
Guys...
218
00:08:39,700 --> 00:08:41,300
thanks for being here for me.
219
00:08:42,300 --> 00:08:43,900
My compadres, huh?
220
00:08:43,900 --> 00:08:44,800
Yeah.
221
00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:49,700
( laughter )
222
00:08:49,700 --> 00:08:51,000
No, no, no, no.
223
00:08:51,100 --> 00:08:52,200
That was really...
224
00:08:52,300 --> 00:08:53,600
That was
a terrible thing to do.
225
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:54,800
Yeah.
226
00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:57,700
Yeah, uh, I-I wonder
why we did it.
227
00:08:57,700 --> 00:08:58,800
( laughter )
228
00:08:58,900 --> 00:09:00,200
'Cause we're
a bunch of nimrods.
229
00:09:00,300 --> 00:09:01,500
( laughter )
230
00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:16,800
"Your hostess,
Rebecca Howe."
231
00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:18,500
What is this supposed to be?
232
00:09:18,500 --> 00:09:20,000
Something to identify me
to people
233
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:22,700
who might have questions,
comments or suggestions.
234
00:09:22,700 --> 00:09:25,800
I saw one in a supermarket
and thought it was a good idea.
235
00:09:25,900 --> 00:09:28,100
I've seen headcheese
in the supermarket, too,
236
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:29,300
but I don't frame it.
237
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:33,700
I guess what I'm saying is,
I love it.
238
00:09:33,700 --> 00:09:35,600
( laughs )
239
00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:37,900
I don't want to hear
another word about
this, Mr. Malone.
240
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:39,800
I know you have trouble
dealing with a woman
241
00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:40,900
in a position
of authority.
242
00:09:40,900 --> 00:09:42,100
Whoa, wait a minute.
243
00:09:42,100 --> 00:09:43,500
I resent that.
244
00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:45,800
I've never had trouble
with a woman in any position.
245
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:51,000
That's exactly what
I'm talking about.
246
00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:52,700
You give me no respect.
247
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:53,800
Now,
248
00:09:53,900 --> 00:09:55,400
maybe you took this job lightly
249
00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:58,400
when you were in charge,
but I take it very seriously.
250
00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:01,300
And as for you, Mrs. LeBec,
251
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:03,400
I would think...
252
00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:06,900
that as another working woman
253
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:10,000
that perhaps you would lend me
some support.
254
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:15,100
Instead of always sniping
behind my back.
255
00:10:15,100 --> 00:10:18,000
What do you see we just wipe
the slate clean here
256
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,700
and start a new era
of mutual support?
257
00:10:19,700 --> 00:10:21,200
Wonderful idea.
258
00:10:21,300 --> 00:10:22,700
Absolutely.
259
00:10:22,700 --> 00:10:24,300
You know, I don't think
we're ever going to able
260
00:10:24,300 --> 00:10:25,700
to look at you
the same way again.
261
00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:27,600
Great.
262
00:10:30,700 --> 00:10:31,800
Good evening, gents.
263
00:10:31,900 --> 00:10:33,000
Frasier.
Frasier.
264
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,400
Carla, how about
some suds there?
265
00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:35,600
Yup.
266
00:10:35,700 --> 00:10:37,500
Hey, Fras, what's up?
267
00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:39,100
Well, my spirits
for one thing.
268
00:10:39,100 --> 00:10:41,400
I've just told Lilith
that I want my freedom,
269
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,300
so that I can
pursue the fair Rebecca.
270
00:10:45,900 --> 00:10:47,200
Wait a minute,
now, wait.
271
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:48,500
You dumped Lilith,
272
00:10:48,500 --> 00:10:50,300
'cause of what Cliff said?
273
00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:52,000
What I said?
You're the one...
274
00:10:52,100 --> 00:10:53,000
Gentlemen, gentlemen.
275
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,500
There's plenty of credit
for both of you.
276
00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:55,700
You two opened my eyes,
277
00:10:55,700 --> 00:10:57,700
made me realize that there
are other fish in the sea.
278
00:10:57,700 --> 00:11:00,400
So what did Lilith have to say
when you flushed her?
279
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:02,600
Well, I don't actually know yet.
280
00:11:02,700 --> 00:11:03,900
Uh, I was going to
281
00:11:03,900 --> 00:11:04,800
tell her face-to-face,
282
00:11:04,900 --> 00:11:06,700
but then I thought
283
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:08,700
that an eloquently
written letter would be
284
00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:11,200
a bittersweet reminder
of what we had together.
285
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:11,600
You chickened out?
286
00:11:11,700 --> 00:11:13,000
Precisely.
287
00:11:13,100 --> 00:11:14,900
Well...
( claps hands )
288
00:11:14,900 --> 00:11:16,300
to the hunt.
289
00:11:28,100 --> 00:11:29,300
Yes?
290
00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:30,700
Hello, Rebecca.
291
00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:35,600
Why do I suddenly feel
nervous as a schoolboy?
292
00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:36,900
Uh...
293
00:11:36,900 --> 00:11:38,900
Well, let me-let me come
directly to the point
294
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:40,800
by telling you
that you couldn't have chosen
295
00:11:40,900 --> 00:11:43,200
a more opportune moment
to declare your feelings.
296
00:11:43,300 --> 00:11:45,500
Let me assure you,
the feeling is mutual.
297
00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:46,700
I've just recently...
298
00:11:46,700 --> 00:11:48,400
rid myself of an entanglement.
299
00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:50,100
I find myself free to ask you
300
00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:52,200
if you'd like
to join me for dinner.
301
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:54,900
Who are you?
302
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,200
My God.
303
00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:58,600
What have I done?
304
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:02,200
You leaving so soon, Dr. Crane?
305
00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:03,900
Yes, Woody, I've got
to convince the woman I love
306
00:12:03,900 --> 00:12:05,000
that I'm not a complete ass.
307
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:06,900
Good luck!
308
00:12:15,900 --> 00:12:17,900
Oh, thank God.
309
00:12:17,900 --> 00:12:20,600
LILITH:
What was that,
Tootsie Roll?
310
00:12:20,700 --> 00:12:23,200
I said, uh, thank God I'm home.
311
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:25,200
I couldn't agree more.
312
00:12:31,100 --> 00:12:32,600
How was your day
at the office?
313
00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:33,700
It was fine.
314
00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:35,600
How was yours?
Delightful.
315
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:36,600
Here,
I'll just make us
316
00:12:36,700 --> 00:12:37,600
a couple of drinks,
317
00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:39,200
and then
we can start relaxing.
318
00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:40,200
Where is the envelope
319
00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:41,600
you left for me
on the table?
320
00:12:41,700 --> 00:12:43,300
Envelope? What envelope?
321
00:12:43,300 --> 00:12:46,800
Frasier. It's wicked of you
to tease me.
322
00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:47,800
I saw it,
323
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:49,200
but wanted to save it to open
324
00:12:49,300 --> 00:12:50,400
while you were here.
325
00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:52,700
It's probably either
tickets to the ballet
326
00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:54,100
or the symphony.
327
00:12:54,100 --> 00:12:56,300
Or perhaps one of those cards
with a handsome couple
328
00:12:56,300 --> 00:12:58,500
walking hand in hand
on the beach at sunset
329
00:12:58,500 --> 00:13:00,600
that I cherish so.
330
00:13:00,700 --> 00:13:03,700
You know,
that is exactly what it was.
331
00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:04,800
( chuckling )
332
00:13:04,900 --> 00:13:06,900
Good Lord, I guess
I'm becoming quite predictable.
333
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,300
You know,
I'll just have to think
334
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:09,600
of another way
to enchant you.
335
00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:10,800
I've got it.
336
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:14,800
Look, it's a flock
of seagulls.
337
00:13:14,900 --> 00:13:16,400
( laughing )
338
00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:18,600
Let's have our drink.
339
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:21,700
Here's to the most beautiful
woman in the world.
340
00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:27,400
Let me guess--
you read the letter.
341
00:13:27,500 --> 00:13:31,300
Yes, I read the letter,
you licentious quack!
342
00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:33,500
And what facile
tripe it is!
343
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:35,400
"We both need
time to grow,
344
00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:37,100
to develop as people."
345
00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:38,700
Who is the slut?
346
00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:39,900
She's no slut!
347
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:43,800
What slut?
348
00:13:44,900 --> 00:13:46,800
Well, I mean,
look, it was all a mistake.
349
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:47,900
It's just a big mistake.
350
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,100
Oh, you bet it is, mister.
351
00:13:50,100 --> 00:13:51,300
You want your freedom?!
352
00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:53,500
Ha, I'll give you freedom--
from your teeth!
353
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,000
No, Lilith!
354
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,000
Not the Royal Doulton.
355
00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:00,600
You're right.
356
00:14:00,700 --> 00:14:04,200
I realize when I contemplate
the destruction of property
357
00:14:04,300 --> 00:14:07,100
that I'm overstepping the bounds
of decorum.
358
00:14:07,100 --> 00:14:09,700
If there's any hope
of our salvaging
359
00:14:09,700 --> 00:14:11,300
any of our relationship,
360
00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:13,600
we must remain calm
and discuss this
361
00:14:13,700 --> 00:14:15,700
in a rational, truthful manner.
362
00:14:15,700 --> 00:14:16,900
All right.
363
00:14:16,900 --> 00:14:18,800
I'll be honest with you.
364
00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:20,400
There was a woman.
365
00:14:20,500 --> 00:14:22,000
But I am a
man of honor.
366
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:23,300
I did not betray you.
367
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:24,700
Nothing happened.
368
00:14:24,700 --> 00:14:27,300
You broke off our relationship
369
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:30,800
for the possibility
of a relationship?
370
00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:32,100
A mere fantasy?
371
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:33,800
How flattering.
372
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,400
All right,
I'll be honest with you.
373
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:42,200
You see, I only wanted
to spare you.
374
00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:46,000
This woman is a...
a sex-starved Circe
375
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:47,700
who drew my ship
onto the rocks
376
00:14:47,700 --> 00:14:49,700
and there
I foundered.
377
00:14:49,700 --> 00:14:51,100
What's her name?
378
00:14:51,100 --> 00:14:53,800
Well, let's just, you know,
leave her name out of this.
379
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:56,600
Frasier, are we going
to clear the air
380
00:14:56,700 --> 00:14:58,500
or continue
to hold back?
381
00:14:58,500 --> 00:14:59,600
Unless
you identify
382
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,200
this woman,
doubt and suspicion
383
00:15:01,300 --> 00:15:03,000
will fester
in my consciousness.
384
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:05,400
Every woman I meet
will provoke the question,
385
00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:07,300
"Is this the one,
is this the one,
386
00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:09,400
is this the one,
is this the one
is this the one...?"
387
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:10,500
It's Rebecca Howe.
388
00:15:10,500 --> 00:15:11,700
She runs Cheers now.
389
00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:13,700
So, now we know the slut's name.
390
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,800
Please, Lilith...
391
00:15:18,900 --> 00:15:22,000
don't you think you
could forgive me?
392
00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:24,000
I don't know.
393
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:26,800
At this moment, my feelings
for you are ambivalent.
394
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,200
I need to sort them out.
395
00:15:29,300 --> 00:15:30,700
I'm going to go out
396
00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:33,300
and wander the streets
aimlessly.
397
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:34,900
I'll take my usual route.
398
00:15:38,100 --> 00:15:40,600
You know, I have
an idea, Popsicle.
399
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:42,600
Uh, why don't I
run upstairs
400
00:15:42,700 --> 00:15:45,900
and make us a nice warm,
soothing bath, hmm?
401
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:52,000
Well, Mr. Bubble does
always cheer me so.
402
00:15:52,100 --> 00:15:54,700
Once begun, it's half done.
403
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,700
Are you sure
this is okay with Miss Howe?
404
00:16:08,700 --> 00:16:10,800
Woody, she loves
this kind of stuff.
405
00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:13,500
CARLA:
This is good,
wholesome humor.
406
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:16,200
In fact,
I bet she gives you a raise
407
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:19,200
for doing such a good job.
408
00:16:19,300 --> 00:16:20,800
Oh, don't stop.
409
00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:23,000
I already saw it.
410
00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:24,600
And I must admit,
I haven't laughed so hard
411
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:25,700
since junior high.
412
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:28,600
I helped.
413
00:16:34,100 --> 00:16:36,800
Mr. Malone.
414
00:16:36,900 --> 00:16:38,300
Yeah?
415
00:16:38,300 --> 00:16:40,600
I want this nonsense
with my picture to stop.
416
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:42,600
I did you a favor
by hiring you back,
417
00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:44,900
and this is not
a very nice way to repay me.
418
00:16:44,900 --> 00:16:46,000
You're right.
419
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:47,300
You did do me a favor,
420
00:16:47,300 --> 00:16:48,600
and now I'm going
to do you one.
421
00:16:48,700 --> 00:16:49,900
I'm going
to give you a tip
422
00:16:49,900 --> 00:16:52,000
on how to deal with people
who work for you.
423
00:16:52,100 --> 00:16:53,500
Lighten up a little bit.
424
00:16:53,500 --> 00:16:56,000
I mean, you got to make
some compromises.
425
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,200
I see.
426
00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:58,800
You want me to hang
your picture back up.
427
00:16:58,900 --> 00:17:00,100
Right.
Done.
428
00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:02,000
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa,
that was easy.
429
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,400
Wait, uh...
430
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:05,200
let's try some more
compromises here.
431
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,500
Um... I want to
432
00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:09,800
sleep with you
25 times, but...
433
00:17:09,900 --> 00:17:12,800
you don't want to sleep
with me at all, am I right?
434
00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:13,900
Right.
435
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,700
Okay, so what's half of 25?
436
00:17:15,700 --> 00:17:18,300
Your I.Q.?
437
00:17:21,100 --> 00:17:23,000
Wait, uh... please.
438
00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:25,700
Um, I'm a little sensitive
439
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:30,100
about people making
fun of my intelligence.
440
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:31,300
I'm sorry.
That's all right.
441
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:33,400
But I wasn't making fun
of your intelligence.
442
00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:34,800
Good.
443
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:36,700
I was making fun
of your lack of intelligence.
444
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:46,800
Cliffie, girl
fight, 12:00 high.
445
00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:49,400
Rebecca Howe?
446
00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:51,000
Mm-hmm.
447
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,100
You and I
are both mature women,
448
00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:55,400
and I think
we should handle this
449
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:57,100
openly and with civility.
450
00:17:57,100 --> 00:18:00,100
Believe me, I could be doing you
a very big favor.
451
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:02,300
Frasier is not an easy man
to live with.
452
00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:04,700
He's obsessively compulsive
about neatness.
453
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:06,400
The sex is good,
but he pouts
454
00:18:06,500 --> 00:18:08,500
unless you compliment
his performance.
455
00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:10,000
Fortunately,
456
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,900
his male ego
can be satisfied
457
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,200
with a simple
"Thank you, Conan."
458
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:19,200
I don't know who you are,
459
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:22,500
and I don't know
who Frasier is,
460
00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:24,400
but I do... Conan?
461
00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:27,500
You really don't know Frasier,
do you?
462
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:28,900
No, I don't.
463
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,700
God, I'm such a fool.
464
00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:33,600
How could I let him
do this to me?
465
00:18:33,700 --> 00:18:34,700
It's all right.
466
00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:36,500
It happens to everybody.
467
00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:37,800
He made up this whole story
468
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:39,200
just to avoid
committing to me.
469
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,700
And the worst part is
he's going to get away with it.
470
00:18:41,700 --> 00:18:42,800
They always do.
471
00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:45,300
Yeah, men are such a pain.
472
00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:47,500
I have someone who's
very special to me,
473
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:50,300
but he wouldn't notice me
if I set fire to my hair.
474
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:52,800
Him?
475
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:56,500
( scoffing )
476
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:59,000
No, definitely not him.
477
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,600
I prefer the
Fortune 500 type--
478
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:02,100
one who owns blocks,
479
00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:04,200
not one who
plays with them.
480
00:19:06,900 --> 00:19:10,200
Look, they're flirting with me.
481
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:11,900
Well, I really do
have work to do.
482
00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:14,400
Perhaps we can have lunch
together sometime.
483
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:15,700
I'd like that.
484
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:17,200
Lilith.
Lilith.
485
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:19,500
Well, good night.
Good night.
486
00:19:21,700 --> 00:19:24,900
Mr. Malone,
are you developing a tic?
487
00:19:24,900 --> 00:19:26,500
That was a wink.
488
00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:28,600
Then you're developing
into a tick.
489
00:19:32,500 --> 00:19:34,800
And stop looking
at my rear end.
490
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:37,400
Lucky guess.
491
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:39,300
Lilith.
492
00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:41,000
Thank God
you're here.
493
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:44,100
You haven't confronted
Rebecca yet, have you?
494
00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:45,500
Hardly.
Oh, good.
495
00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:47,300
How did you know where I was?
496
00:19:47,300 --> 00:19:49,600
Well, when I realized
you hadn't come upstairs,
497
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,100
I-I toweled off, and then...
498
00:19:52,300 --> 00:19:53,400
...suddenly, it dawned on me--
499
00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:55,500
that little firebrand's
gone down to Cheers
500
00:19:55,500 --> 00:19:56,500
to fight for her man.
501
00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:58,100
See, I think
it best
502
00:19:58,100 --> 00:19:59,800
that I do this myself,
and, uh...
503
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,700
I think next week's
a really good time.
504
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:04,000
You did have an
affair with this
woman, didn't you?
505
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,400
That is what you told me.
506
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:06,800
Well, of course.
507
00:20:06,900 --> 00:20:09,100
Well, then end it
right here and now.
508
00:20:09,100 --> 00:20:11,000
I need to know
that it's over.
509
00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:12,600
You've got to
cut this off
510
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:15,000
before she falls
more deeply in love with you.
511
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:18,700
And you've got
to let me watch.
512
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:24,300
You know, I-I've got an idea.
513
00:20:24,300 --> 00:20:25,500
Let's go to Maine.
514
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:29,500
Lilith...
515
00:20:29,500 --> 00:20:31,100
Lilith, Lilith...
516
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:34,800
the left-hand side of my body's
gone completely numb.
517
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:37,400
You know what that means,
don't you?
518
00:20:37,500 --> 00:20:40,700
Yes, you're stalling.
519
00:20:40,700 --> 00:20:42,700
( knock at door )
520
00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:44,200
It's down the
hall to the left.
521
00:20:44,300 --> 00:20:45,400
Thank you.
522
00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:47,800
Ms. Howe,
let me introduce myself.
523
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:49,600
I'm Lilith Sternin.
524
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:51,000
You don't know me,
525
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,000
but of course
526
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,200
this man needs no introduction.
527
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,100
He only needs a conscience.
528
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:57,400
Frasier
529
00:20:57,500 --> 00:20:59,300
has something
he wants to say to you.
530
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:00,700
Listen
very carefully
531
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:02,800
and do what you must do.
532
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:08,900
I'm... I'm sorry, Rebecca,
533
00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:10,900
but it's-it's-it's time
it was over.
534
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,400
I hope you can forgive me.
535
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:13,700
Now let's go to Maine.
536
00:21:13,700 --> 00:21:15,700
Frasier, don't be
so heartless.
537
00:21:15,700 --> 00:21:17,500
She deserves better than that.
538
00:21:20,500 --> 00:21:22,000
Uh, uh, no, no, please, please,
539
00:21:22,100 --> 00:21:23,900
don't try
to articulate your feelings.
540
00:21:23,900 --> 00:21:25,600
Uh... just...
541
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,000
let me say my little piece,
542
00:21:27,100 --> 00:21:29,400
and then I'll be out
of your life forever.
543
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:32,500
Now, just remember the part
about not saying anything.
544
00:21:34,100 --> 00:21:35,800
I know it sounds
545
00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:38,200
like a clich� to...
546
00:21:38,300 --> 00:21:40,700
to say that this
is going to hurt me
547
00:21:40,700 --> 00:21:42,300
more than it does you...
548
00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:45,000
but it doesn't make it
any less true...
549
00:21:45,100 --> 00:21:48,100
for you see, it is I...
who will be condemned
550
00:21:48,100 --> 00:21:50,900
never again to see your...
haunting eyes,
551
00:21:50,900 --> 00:21:52,900
your silken skin,
552
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:55,200
your shimmering hair.
553
00:21:57,300 --> 00:22:00,200
But it-it's time that we part.
554
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:02,000
Farewell, sweet Rebecca.
555
00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:07,000
How will I live
without your passionate kisses?
556
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:07,900
You won't have to.
557
00:22:07,900 --> 00:22:10,300
Oh, Frasier...
558
00:22:12,500 --> 00:22:14,200
Frasier,
for God's sakes,
559
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:15,800
she was only joking.
560
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:17,200
Well, so was I.
561
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:19,300
Come on.
562
00:22:19,300 --> 00:22:20,600
I was just playing along.
563
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:22,100
I'm a dead man.
564
00:22:23,300 --> 00:22:25,400
Sweetheart? Buttercup?
565
00:22:25,500 --> 00:22:27,800
You were just kidding,
weren't you?
566
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:30,400
My joy...!
567
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:31,700
( door shuts )
568
00:22:31,700 --> 00:22:33,100
Lilith.
569
00:22:33,100 --> 00:22:34,400
Please, uh,
570
00:22:34,500 --> 00:22:36,300
all I can say is...
571
00:22:36,300 --> 00:22:39,000
please have
mercy on me. I...
572
00:22:39,100 --> 00:22:40,900
Look, it's the
God's honest truth.
573
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:43,000
Rebecca and I did
not have an affair.
574
00:22:43,100 --> 00:22:44,100
I wanted to,
575
00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:45,200
but she
wasn't sure...
576
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:46,300
A small point,
577
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:48,400
but she wasn't even sure
who I am, so...
578
00:22:49,900 --> 00:22:51,800
I didn't really want to.
579
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:53,600
Uh, my body wanted to,
580
00:22:53,700 --> 00:22:54,500
but my brain didn't.
581
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:56,000
Well, part of my
brain did, but...
582
00:22:56,100 --> 00:22:57,500
Well, that part's dead, and...
583
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:05,000
I guess...
what I'm trying to say is...
584
00:23:11,700 --> 00:23:12,900
Will you marry me,
585
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:15,200
make me the happiest man alive?
586
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:18,000
This is obviously a ploy
to get yourself out
587
00:23:18,100 --> 00:23:21,700
of the ridiculous situation
you're in, and the answer...
588
00:23:21,700 --> 00:23:25,400
is yes, my steed, yes.
589
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:29,500
Are you... you're serious?
590
00:23:29,500 --> 00:23:30,700
( laughing )
591
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:32,500
Yippee.
592
00:23:34,300 --> 00:23:35,300
Hey, everybody,
593
00:23:35,300 --> 00:23:36,800
we're going
to be married.
594
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:38,100
( cheering )
595
00:23:39,900 --> 00:23:42,200
Someday.
596
00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:44,200
No, soon.
597
00:23:45,300 --> 00:23:49,100
Eh, we finally got
those lovebirds together, huh?
598
00:23:49,100 --> 00:23:52,500
Yeah, just needed that
little push, I guess.
599
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:54,400
( both singing ):
� Matchmaker, matchmaker
600
00:23:54,500 --> 00:23:55,900
� Make me a match...
54559
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