All language subtitles for Coartadas.2025.720p.BluRay.x264.AAC-[YTS.BZ]

Where did you get to?

I'm waiting for you
with my parents.

Fuck!

Jimena, it's the same every Sunday.

Fuck!

Instead of brunch,
this will be early dinner.

You better have a good excuse
for not being here.

Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!

Hey, it's been ages!

Hey, girl. How are you?

I'm terrible, I may have
screwed up a bit.

Or maybe big time.

Another toy boy?

No!

Good morning, bro,

No way! No way!

Are you going to help me?

Wait, I'll send you a link

that's saved my life
on more than one occasion

A link

Use it and tell me
what you think, okay?

Okay, okay.

ALIBIS
CHOOSE YOUR EXCUSE

WHAT ALIBI DO YOU NEED?

Hey, when you go,
don't make too much noise,

my parents are sleeping

Shit!

A fat fritter?
You've already had a churro...

What are you saying.?

Ramén, how could you?

The poor girl

Good grief, good grief

She always does this to me.

She'll find out, she will.

When I see her,
I'm having words with her

Sir?

Your girlfriend is a heroine.

- My God, what happened?
- What happened?

She saved the life of a blind boy
about to fall on the subway tracks.

A broken cellphone
and a night in hospital.

But I tell you,
a hundred more like her

and we'll be out of a job.

Honey, how awful

And I was badmouthing you
in front of my parents.

I'm the worst

Careful, honey, it really hurts

Okay.

And thanks to us,
they had a quiet afternoon

And they're marrying next month.

Wow, brilliant.

But tell us about yourself,
because your CV

is spectacular.

We need someone who knows
the new tech.

This is nothing.

Geolocation, database entry,
canceling credit card charges

I can take the world
of alibis to another level

Honestly, I don't know what
you can do that I can't

with a photocopier
and a good disguise

Oh, really, Mortadelo?

Mortadelo, she calls me

Look, you can send messages.

You're on the same level
as my grandma Jacinta.

- Open it.
- Yeah, right,

and you empty my accounts.

Relax, your 55.20 euros
in Caja Murcia are safe.

What's this?

A marriage certificate

Who is Francisco Rosales?

Your husband

You got married last year
in Campillo de Ranas.

Congratulations, a lovely wedding

Is this your doing?

No, but it looks like
I owe you a gift.

That's not funny.
And you can divorce me now.

Welcome to Alibis

What, Miguel?
She married me to Pace Rosales

That's exactly why.

Hey, stop this.
How do I turn this off?

Don't touch it

And she has a temper.

I don't know, Miguel,
this girl is overqualified

She'll charge you a fortune

That's true

But relax, I have a minor disability
and I get tax relief

She's perfect.

lsa..

Your training starts now

Ride me like only you know how

You didn't use the scales?

Your weight is 47 kilos.

Congratulations,
you've lost 53 kilos in one day.

The idea is that a little white lie
can prevent greater evils.

Maruja!

How was your day?

You know what's weird?

I got a notification
from the scale and

Done! I just had to
update the plugins

No more errors

I was going to tell you

The scales went nuts this morning.

These are the technicians.

It says here that it weighed
someone who's 47 kilos.

477 Less than a jockey!

Some will say
that our company is immoral.

They're wrong.

We're not deceiving anyone,

we're just preventing
the victims from suffering.

Anyway, adulterers are only
a fraction of our clients.

Oh, look at this one.

Hold on. It's Marcos.

Yes, honey!

Hi, honey! Hi, in-laws!

Hi, Marcos!

How are you?

Are you still at the office?

Don't even ask

They moved tomorrow's meeting up.

Start without me
With luck, I'll make it for dessert.

I hope you can get away.

My parents brought the photos
of the Egypt trip.

Oh, I was so looking forward
to seeing those mummies

The ones in Cairo, I mean.

I'l go, I'm snowed under.

'Bye, Marcos.

Ciao, ciao, ciao.

That's it.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Here we go!

We guarantee to provide alibis

to preserve the secret garden
of our clients,

freeing them from all personal ties.

Then the middle one falls, it's...

Got it?

Yes

Now to develop it.

What's wrong?

Don't they develop photos anymore?

CAUGHT WITH A NEW GIRL?

Our commitment to discretion
is absolute.

- Hi, babe.
- Hi, honey.

How was the gig?

Crazy screaming fans
asking for selfies, the usual

Well, relax, I'm baking
the cake you like.

Then we watch Wicked in peace.

The perfect plan.

We're their escape valve,
their bit of fun.

You lie and we cover for you.

There are options for ail budgets.

From basic
to the premium package,

which includes practically
a new life.

Damn, who are we
taking today, Dracula?

Thanks for everything.

It's been a pleasure.

Thank you for trusting Alibis.

And now, enjoy the 20 million
from the lottery

Yes, and my loser children
can go fuck themselves

for putting me in a nursing home.

ALIBIS

Step on it, my cousin
needs the car for a wake.

Do you guys only listen
to Nino Bravo here?

Correct.

Get used to it, because with Miguel,

the king of Valencian ballads,
is the office soundtrack.

No, I'm down for old music.

It gets you down?

How did you get the idea for Alibis?

- Listening to Nino.
- I wish, but no.

It was a personal motivation.

I was a happy kid.
My parents adored each other

We were like a cereal ad

Jeez. So what went wrong
to end up like this?

I mean, with the company

My father, who one day

deposit more than money
into the bank teller's account.

Hey, he cheated on his mother.

Thanks for the mansplaining,
Mortadelo.

It's raining?

My childhood became a to and fro
from one house to another

with a stepfather I couldn't stand.

My life went from a cereal ad

to one for hemorrhoid cream.

20 years later, I created Alibis.

With the idea that no one
should ever endure that.

- The dog, the dog!
- Fuck!

The girl! The girl!

You screwed up, Damian!

- You screwed up!
- Me? I didn't do anything!

- The dog ran in front!
- Get out of the carl

Hey, are you okay?

Are you out of clients
and have to look for them?

- What?
- What?

No, we were going to a burial
and the mutt ran across and

The mutt is my dog, Don Pepe

- Ah!
- In mid-piss.

~The dog?
- No, me.

Are you sure you're not hurt?
I hit you pretty hard

No, everything's in its place.

Miguel!

What's wrong with you, Damian?

Help me!

I'm
c
min
9g
!

What a whack she got!

My God! Now to the hospital,
my cousin is going to kill me

We're going to have to take
the dead guy in a taxi

If she dies, can I keep the dog?

Or what's left of him

We have an emergency!

We don't work miracles here.

And the rearview mirror?
Do you know anyone?

Damian..

This is done.

What's this?

The Wi-Fi password?

No, better, my phone number

Oh, wow. Thanks.

Now I have two reasons
to get this off me.

Right, stud. Move it.

Come on, Don Pepe, let's go.

What's so funny, gravedigger?

Nothing.

At least he doesn't run over
girls to pick them up.

I've tried the phone thing
with some of my clients,

but I don't know why
they haven't called.

Try a Ouija board

I'm sorry I ran you over.

Don't worry, my bladder
was to blame, it's tiny.

Jeez! Are you okay?

Anyway, thanks for
bringing us here, gravedigger

By the way,
some people call me Miguel

I'll keep calling you "gravedigger."

- Great.
- No, just kidding.

Noelia.

A pleasure, Noelia.

Maybe I should get a taxi

No, we'll drive you home

I don't trust your driving, frankly

- You said it was your fault.
- No, my bladders.

Actually, it was my fault

I was just being nice.

No, that's why,
let us give you a lift

Well, if it's on your way, okay.

Come on, we've already loaded
the deceased.

Eh?

Oh, yes, because...

Hey, you're very busy.

Don't worry, it's okay. 'Bye.

Getafe Cemetery, Room 3

And step on it, it won't
last long out of the fridge

Now I get what dead weight means.

Come on, let's go

- It smells like Cupid's arrow here.
- No way!

In two minutes,
I'l have forgotten her face

Sure.

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN
A NASTIER FINGER?

YES. THIS ONE.

HE'S JUST LIKE ME, AT HOME
AND HOOKED ON THE PHONE.

I CAN'T TAKE YOU TO YOUR PLANET,
BUT I CAN TAKE YOU TO DINNER.

- This way.
Very well

Hello. Welcome to Alibis.

- Miguel.
- José Maria

- A pleasure, have a seat.
- Thanks.

How can we help you? Isa!

Well, not me

I'm happily married.
It's for a friend.

He met a girl and wants to spend
a few days with her at the beach

to strengthen their bond

What was your friend's name?

Juan Manuel.

Isa, what package
can we offer Juan Manuel?

Parent Trap: Cuenca and California?

Perfect.

One of our staff pretends to be
your friend at a boring conference

while he enjoys a few days away

with a card that doesn't show
any charges

Wonderful.

Has your friend thought about
where he'd like to go?

Yes. Here.

The Canary Islands?

Good destination.

Nice resort

70% discount.
Your friend is on the ball.

He likes to compare prices.

You need to watch your money,
even if it's euros

OKAY

Tell your friend to fill out this form

s0 we get to know him
and give him the perfect alibi

This is very boomer.
Don't worry, I'll scan it

A star

Well, thanks a lot.

Thank you, Juan Manuel.

Two Aperol Spritzes.

Odd place for a date, isn't it?

Who told you this was
a date, gravedigger?

And how do you know
those aren't niche flowers?

You tease me a lot, but I still
don't know what you do.

Well, in my job,
I also wear black

and have to be super serious.

No way, you're a referee.

Almost, a lawyer.

Fer the Public Prosecutor

I love investigating,
uncovering plots and lies.

Especially companies
that engage in fraud.

Or cheats. I loathe them
I catch them and...

Wow!

Relax, it happens to me a lot.

Guys are more scared of
a judge's robe than five kids.

Not me, no way...

No way you have five kids, right?

No.

I can't believe you like Nino Bravo

Ah, yeah, yeah. It's weird.

But my mom and dad love him

and it's a weakness of mine.

Aren't you answering it?

No, no

No it was an escape plan,
a friend, in case you were a weirdo

Did I pass the test?

Don't celebrate yet,
she'll call again in half an hour.

When I told her I had a date
with a gravedigger,

she insisted on calling me twice.

You're up.

- Shall we go?
- No, no. Where are you going?

You can't go to the lanes like that.

Oh, the shoes, size 10.

And spray them well,
there's a lot of fungus around.

That's not why.
We're going to booze-bowl

We can't go there to play
until we hit 0.4

- You had this in your bag?
- Yes.

- Will you blow?
- Well, rules are rules.

0.23. Two shots.

Two shots

It takes time to kick in, eh?

Hey, two shots.

Down the hatch!

Perfect.

I'm worse.

That's why you start.
The first to get a strike wins.

Well, read it and weep.

Oh, nice one!

Perfect! Perfect!

Now what?

Come on!

I'm fine!

Lock out, look out!

Come on, come on!

What happened?

Cheat!
- What?

Cheat!

- Liar!
- Liar? Where are you going?

No, you can't go on the lane!

Eh!

But...!

Strike!

"It is?!
"lt isn't?!

Objection, Your Honor!

The defendant said, and I quote,
"The first one to get a strike wins."

It wasn't specified which lane
the strike had to be on.

So, with that clarified, Your Honor,
I have no further questions.

Both sides and evidence seen
by both parties,

the case is ready for dick

- For dick?
- For a verdict!

The verdict is
in favor of the defendant.

The strike is valid.

I will dictate my sentence

i've been dreaming about her
for a long time.

{ only know that
her name is Noelia.

I've been living for her
for a long time.

{ only know that
her name is Noelia.

Noelia, Noelia, Noelia, Noelia...

1 want to talk to her about love.

But she turns her back
and walks away.

It looks like she'll call me.

And then she runs away
without a word.

Noelia, Noelia, Noelia, Noelia...

Bravo!

Thanks a lot!

If I'd known that you were
such a big Nino Bravo fan,

I wouldn't have given you
that punishment.

Did you think I'd blow it?

For a gravedigger,
you're pretty funny,

I like my clients to go
to the other world with a smile.

Wow, a gravedigger, funny,
a Nino Bravo fan...

I don't know how you're still single

Who told you I'm single?

I don't know...

~The...
- Double or nothing.

Thumb wrestle

Oh, wow.

- You know how?
- Of course.

One, two, three.

- Best of three.
- However many you want.

One, two, three.

Hal

The clincher?

Whoever wins, chooses what we do.

One, two...

It was kind of a dirty trick.

- Yeah?
- Yes, you beat me.

What do we do now?

What do you think, Niche Bravo?

Come in!

NINO BRAVO
THE MUSICAL

I can't help it.
What do we do?

Hands up!

You're under arrest!

Hands up, slowly,
and come to the living room

I don't know what you want,
but don't hurt me.

No, no, yeah, yeah,
I'm a friend of Noelia.

I didn't know that
the maid was coming today.

I'm not the maid, I'm Carmen,
her mother, I brought vegetables

Great

I'm Miguel, I've brought her
some vegetables too

Ah

One thing...

Did you come like that in the subway?

Did you bring spare jocks?

I came by car.

Oh, how about that.

What a fright!

But..

You'll electrocute yourself!
Where's the button?

I can't see without my glasses.
My goodness!

Careful, I'll hold it.

Hold on, look for the button.

- Here.
- Leave it there, it'll tire out.

Oh, for God's sake.

I hope it stops
before Noelia gets here.

Please, Uncle Miguel.
I can't go to school.

It's just that I'm stuck on
division with decimals.

Diego, I don't know
what to say anymore

We've killed your grandparents
three times.

You've even had the bubonic plague

I don't know, say

I've been called for jury duty.

Jury duty... You crazy kid

Go on, I'll think of something

Cool, you're the greatest

I'l pay you in 60 days,
I've got some money saved

Don't worry.
Damian, you take care of it

And remember, we burned
his house down last month

Why doesn't the new girl do it?

She just left elementary school
it's fresh in her mind.

But you're more childish than me.

Miguel!

Okay, guys, back to work.
I just signed you up for the PAFO.

The PAFQ? What?

Professional Association

- ...0f Funeral Operators.
- Exactly.

Now you can eat lunch in peace
with your future in-laws.

Thanks

Hey, is it a good idea

to get so serious with a prosecutor

who hates liars,
given what you do for a living?

Without setting a precedent,
I agree with Mortadelo.

See that? You don't have to
be smart to figure it out.

Boom! In your face

Guys, relax.

You know that nothing
takes me by surprise.

Hello.

Dad, this is Miguel

Miguel, this is

Juan Manuel.

No, José Marfa.
That's right.

So you're the gravedigger

Funeral technician

Well, don't stand outside.
Why don't you come in?

Sure, yes.

Hello!

Hey, new tracksuit!

Welcome

Do you remember Miguel, Mom?

Sure, how could I forget?

It's nice to see you
like that, dressed.

Oh, you'll forgive me

I don't know if you want a smoothie

I just did two hours of CrossFit
and I need to replenish my proteins

Honey, you slacked off again.

Tomorrow, double portion.

My knee hurts.

If you took the shark cartilage
supplement I gave you...

But you don't listen to me

I don't know how you'll run
the Seville half marathon.

Yeah, I might miss it

There's no way
to get this picture straight.

Let me tell you about today's menu

To start, we have chicken breasts
with millet milk,

a lentil salad, and for dessert,

tofu tartlets.
What do you think?

We must open a bottle of wine
to go with these succulent dishes.

Honey, you're always thinking
of ways to break your diet

It's to add some joy to the dish,

because lately we've been
cooking in black and white.

Miguel, let's choose a wine

I brought one.

- Great, let's get a good one.
- No, I know nothing about wine.

Clearly. Come on

Let's go, move it

'Bye

- He's very handsome.
- Right

- So, "gravedigger', you bastard.
- Don Honest talking.

Don't go there, lad.

Excuse me, but how can you
do this to your wife?

I don't know, my life is sad
and I feel stuck.

It's the first time

But your thing...

I want to tell Noelia the truth,
but I can't find the right moment.

We should cancel the contract.

Cancel, no way.

But I can't go on with this,

I have a moral conflict

There'll be conflict
if I spill the beans.

The last one she sent down
for cheating at Parcheesi.

Is this what you do?
Blackmail your daughter's boyfriends?

I don't know, you're the first one
she's introduced us to.

Shh. Zip it.

Come on

Really, the things you say.

Honey, look who's come to visit.

Dario, what a surprise.

We haven't seen you
since yesterday afternoon

Oh, Pepe Mari, you...

I've just been so lonely
since Lola left me

And you treat me so well here

The "pull factor", as they say.

Who's this?

Miguel, my boyfriend

- A pleasure.
- Nice to meet you

Hey, Carmen, this morning
you went jogging, running,

but I couldn't catch up!

- Come on.
- I couldn't catch up with you

You're a Thompson gazelle.

With those tights.

They're new, right?
I haven't seen you in them.

- They look terrific on you.
- Yes.

Well, thanks a lot.

Thanks for noticing,
not like some people.

We brought you a gift.

Oh, thanks, honey.

Their anniversary

35 years. A long time, eh?

Too long

I mean, time flies.

Your dad and I won't be celebrating
our anniversary together.

What?

No, he has a dealership conference
in Badajoz.

Oh, what a shame!

Miguel has to work too

Could we have a getaway together?

Yes, let's do it. That'd be great.

No, no, sorry, Dario.

It's more a girls' thing, you know?

You could mind Don Pepe
while we're away.

Yes, sorry, me with Don Pepe.

Miguel, you have to work too?

Yes, I have to repatriate
a missionary in Tanzania.

Well, what's left of him,
what the lions left behind

fits in a Tupperware container.

No.

- Yes.
- Yes?

- Yes.
- No.

- Yes.
- Yes?

- Yes.
- No.

- Yes?
- Yes.

Tanzania

You said Tanzania

I said Tanzania.

I love Tanzania.

It's my second favorite destination

- And the first?
- Tomelloso

It's wonderful, Tanzania.

I went there on honeymoon
with my ex-wife

What part are you going to?

Tanzania

Tanzania?

- But where in Tanzania?
- Tanzania, Tanzania.

Yes, I get it.

Where exactly?

If you take Tanzania,
I'm going there.

More or less the middle
of Tanzania, I'll be there.

- In the core of Tanzania?
- The core of Tanzania

Yes

Pepe, you're so...
Pepa Mari!

Do you mean Dodoma, the capital?

Yes. Look, I'll show you
a photo of Ushongo.

A wonderful beach, we must go.

- And the boy?
- What boy?

The boy that.

Yes, sorry, I got confused.
It's my ex, my son, and me.

He's adopted.

Why do you say that?

How could he be adopted?
How could he be adopted?

That's ridiculous!

No, in my ex-wife's family,

there's a one in a million chance
of having a child with African features

Some people win the lottery,
and we won him.

It's lucky, yes.

This honeymoon photo has Manuel,
the hammock guy,

very friendly, always with us.

I've always been
very generous with tips

I'm sure that's why

Right?
- Yes

I'l tell you about places in Tanzania,
and you send me photos.

To see how Tanzania's doing.

It's far away, right?

Far away, you say!

You're great, Carmen

I love you, Carmen, I love you

What a fright!

- Did I scare you?
- Yes.

Oh, forgive me.

Have ( told you that I fancy you?

- Ne.
- No?

- How can that be?
- I don't know.

Well, don't go to Tanzania
and I'll show you all night

- It's very tempting.
"Is it?

Why doesn't someone else
from the funeral home go?

You know they don't speak
other languages.

Oh. You speak Swahili now?

- Hey.
- What?

You said I'm the first boyfriend
you introduced to your parents...

Well, you're the first
honest guy I've met

Do you know that honesty
is overrated?

Oh, really?

That honest people are lazy?

That we don't bother
to make up lies?

- You're so modest.
- Yes.

Go on, finish packing

A reservation under the name
of Jose Maria Morales.

Isa, do you have the deets?

Just hacked

I love the smell of a firewall
blown up in the morning.

Damn! Wasn't there a worse photo?

- I hope not.
- " hope not."

No time for fights

Get a taxi to the conference,
and make yourself noticed

Isa, run up some charges
on this card.

Make it look like he's bored to tears

Relax, I just have to think
what Mortadelo would do

Okay, let's sync up the locations
on the smartwatches I gave you

Need some help?

No.

The watch will self-destruct
in 5 seconds.

No.

See what's wrong with it

Here you go

Sir, take off the umbrellas,
they'll take your eyes out.

Txakiral Txakira! Txakira!

But with "tx," okay?

Remember. Txakira, with a "tx."

Honey, save room for dessert

Today finally, you know,
you get to taste me.

Don't worry, I've got
five months of hunger.

Sir, the card is declined.

What? That can't be

There goes the party, huh?

José Marfa, how are you?
How's the party going?

Terrible. My card's maxed out.

Really? That's strange,
I put 3000 euros on it.

We only ordered three bottles
of champagne and some snacks.

Did you check how much
the bottles cost?

Fuck!

- Fuck.
- What's wrong, José Maria?

- Are you okay?
- Yes, yes.

Make me a transfer for about...

Let's see.

- 15,000 euros.
- 15,000 euros?

Who do you think you are, Vinicius?

Relax, I'll hold back from now on.

I'l do it, but I don't want
any surprises when the bill comes.

Come on.

Damn, what a party.

What a great song
I've come up with, eh?

Let's see the Colombian top this.

Look.

This song rings a bell

Sure, that's big hits for you

It's like you've heard them
your whole life

My dad used to say:

"With that voice and body,
the Basque Country is too small for you'.

- l agree.
- Yes.

People will see soon
that the real "she wolf"

is from Baracaldo, not Baranquilla.

- Really?
- 0f course, woman.

Oh, my love, you're so good

But let's get down to business,
you and I, you know.

But we'll need a drink, right?

More? Go on.
Order a bottle of champagne

Champagne?

I think we've had enough, no?

Let's see, sweetheart.

You'll have to give this body
the premiere it deserves, right?

Go on.

We want a bottle of champagne.

What else? The best you've got

The star in my room
deserves nothing less

What? You don't have any?

That's outrageous!

They're out of Mogt!

But don't worry.
I'll get some at the store.

Okay, but don't be long, eh?

I want to show you some tricks

I learned on my tour
of the Philippines.

The Philippines, eh?

Mom? Is that you?

- Hi, sweetie.
- Hi.

Did you do your 5 kilometers?

No way. I only did 3.
I'm so weak.

Shall I take a shower
and we go down to dinner?

I heard there's
a great Indian on the beach.

I don't want you to inherit
your dad's irritable bowel syndrome

with all that hot food. Not Indian.

Okay, then you choose

I just passed a vegetarian
that looked great.

- And you know the best part?
"What?

No need to book a table.

- It was empty.
- I wonder why

Me too. How strange!

Speaking of your father,

I'm calling to remind him

to take the turmeric and cat's claw
I put in his toiletries bag,

I'm sure he's forgotten

- You hear that, right?
- Yes.

Dad!

José Marfa, what are you doing here?

Surprise.

I couldn't let us be apart
On our anniversary.

But what about your convention?

In life, there are priorities.

I tock a taxi, a train, a plane,
and here I am

How did you know
we were at this hotel?

Because this morning
I left him a message

telling him how wonderful
this resort is.

- Right?
- That's right

You're so smart! So handsome!

Hey, this shirt?

It's very youthful, very floral.

It doesn't suit
a car salesmen's convention

You're telling me.
They lost my suitcase on the plane.

I had to buy something here
in the beach shops.

Oh, my God

Did you lose your wedding ring?

No, no, no.
It's in my suitcase.

With so many security checks
at the airport, then the convention,

you say: I'm taking it off.

But where's the suitcase now?

In Teruel or somewhere.
But it'll arrive tomorrow.

By the way, how did you find
this cute hotel?

Thanks to you, honey.

You left that brochure
with the 70% discount

in the jacket
I took to the dry cleaners.

- It's Miguel.
- Ch, Miguel.

Hi, honey.

Hi, sweetie.
Finally in Tanzania.

How was your trip?

Oh, an odyssey.
1 thought I'd never get here.

How about you?

Did you end up getting away
with your mother?

Yes, to Tenerife.

And guess who came to surprise us

Peekaboo!

Look who's not in Badajoz.

It was our anniversary,
I couldn't leave Carmen alone.

How's Tanzania?

Oh, great, great.

Well, good. Lots of sun

Lots of sun and lots of flies too,

Poor thing, lots of flies, yes.

Hey, I miss you too.

Only you could make it all perfect.

I'd like nothing more
than to be there,

with you, your father,
your mother, all together

Honey, do you mind
if I call you later?

I have to go to the embassy
to do some paperwork, a mess...

I wanted to show you my new bikini.

Anyway, I'll show you tomorrow.

Kisses.
Kiss, kiss.

José Marfa, what happened?

What are you all doing
in the same hotel?

I left the brochure in my suit pocket.

José Marfa, that's infidelity 101.

Where's Txakira?

Waiting for me in my room
But what am I to do?

I have no suitcase,
ne wedding ring,

and Carmen and Noelia
are bombarding me with questions.

Take it easy, take it easy.

We'll go to your house
and get another suitcase

Where's the wedding ring?

In the underwear drawer

Okay.

First, we need to take care
of your little friend.

I'l leave it in your hands.
Don't let me down

Honey, we're going down to dinner

- I have to go.
- Okay.

Hello?

Canary Islands stuff...

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

Maria del Carmen Berasategui?

Yes, but everyone knows me
as Txakira, with a tx," eh?

Not an "S" for second-rate.

We're calling from
the Gufa de Isora police station.

Is that in the Canary Islands?

The Canary Islands.

But are you Galician?

On my father's side

We've arrested José Maria Morales
for being drunk and disorderly.

I'm not surprised.

He's been drinking
since we arrived.

Well, that's it

We're holding him in custody
until he appears in court.

What a pain.

Can I go see him?

Lady, this isn't an amusement park.

Yeah, but have you frozen his accounts?

Not as far as I know.

Okay, 'bye then. Agur.

Reception,

Hi. I wanted to order
dinner from room service.

Charge it all to José Maria's card.

Guys.

Guys, we're going home.
I'll tell you about it on the way

So, do we go in?

Hold on.

It's a DR-2087.

An electronic door controlled
by an alarm linked to the network.

We just cut the power cables

Give me five minutes to hack into
the system without cutting anything

Five minutes.
I can do it in 30 seconds

It's a junction box.

You've shut down the whole neighborhood
except for here.

It was another wire.
I'll fix it right away.

Leave it. Isa's on it.

Boom! In your face, Mortadelo

Let's go.

Another door.

Go for it

It's a normal door.

Still, slide your extra-thin tablet,
under the frame and open it.

You're so funny, in the cave
you must have been a blast

Move aside, I don't want you
to hurt yourself on the glass.

Are you okay?

Yes

By the way, I didn't tell you,
the keys are in the flowerpot.

Come in

Why are you doing that
if I've deactivated the system?

I don't trust it.

The mutt. I forgot.

Damian, take care of it.

Damian and difficult
start with the same letter.

Isa, help him.
When you're done, pack the bag

Sure. Isa and Impossible
start with the same letter.

Good. I'll go upstairs.

Come on, José Mari.

What a tiger. What a stud.

Bingo.

Thieves. That's what you get
for disabling the alarm.

Don Pepe!

The neighbor's here to feed the mutt.

Pizzal

Let's go

Pepe.

Lock, look. Yes

All for you

Eh? What?

What are you saying?

Don't tell me that.

What's he deing?

What's he deing?

Be quiet! Naughty girl!
Silly girl!

- He's coming.
- Man! Man!

That hair looks great on you

Yes, I know.
It's been a long time, but

I couldn't come around before.

Don Pepe. What are you doing here?

Go on, go.
Go, give me some privacy

Go on, you pest, fucking dog.

Now, yes, we're alone, at last.

I promise, it'll be worth it.

You're wonderful, I painted you
so well, you're a goddess.

I'd paint you all the time.

With a thick brush, really thick

Here's little Dario.

I'am, I am, I am yours.

I'am, I am, I am your servant.
I am your slave.

Yes

Yes

Yes

Oh, my God

That was great

You're something else!

I know, I know. I think so too.

What?

What are you saying?

You're insatiable

What?

Fuck!

Don Pepe!

Come on, come on!

- The keys!
- Toss them!

Come on, let's go!

Fuck!

- Are you okay?
Eo

Yes, yes, I'm fine.

Maybe I shouldn't drive,
given my disability.

You barely notice it. Right?

No, despite the leg trouble
you don't drive badly.

What about my legs?

No, sure, that's the spirit,

it's not a disability,
you're like anyone else to me.

No, fuck, I don't have
any leg trouble.

Hey...

What I am is narcoleptic.

You sell drugs?

Damian, is that a disability?

- It's illegal.
- Damian.

Yes, I stopped taking the pills
because I was fine,

but with the emotions
of this new job, I'm relapsing

Relax, we'll make it
to the airport, right?

Yes, of course.

Is that from birth?

Look at her, she fell asleep.

How cute.

An! Isa, wake up!

- Isa, wake up!
- Isal

I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm back.

- Take the next exit!
- The exit, the exit!

This is the best time to work.

Take it easy

In the morning, people are crazy.

Isa, you just missed the exit

- lsal
- lsal

Isa, until you take your pills,
you're not driving or riding a bike.

Damian, take the wheel.

Of course.

And with no GPS, just winging it.

Honey, what are you doing here?

I should be asking you that, no?

Here you go, sir.
Qoh la la. Is that your wife?

No, my daughter

Do you think your mom will like it?

Like it?

She'll love it, Dad.

But it looks expensive.

Yes, but less than
your mother deserves.

By the way,
why did you follow me?

Well,

I thought you were going
to have breakfast,

I was so hungry that...
Well, I'm leaving

Hey. Hush-hush

Yes

Is it very expensive?

That depends on the sins
you have to wash away.

Why are you talking like that?
She's gone.

I don't know.
It's been a leng night

Anyway, take the wedding ring

The suitcase is under there,
with airline tags.

Now we have to empty the hotel
until we get rid of Txakira.

We've arranged a morning trip
0 some vineyards for them

What'll become of poor Txakira?

Don't worry, it'll be like
the small of her back

It's there, but you needn't see it

The fruity notes subtly appeal
to the palate,

without smothering certain hints
of caramel, bergamot...

forming a palette of colors
that seems to want to paint us a...

It was so thoughtful of you
to come from so far away

to spend our anniversary together.

It's 35 years.
We must celebrate it properly.

Where these wines come from...

Remember...
to spit out the wine.

Drink as much as you want,
but spit it out, otherwise...

A tiny glass, spit it out foo.

Not me, I'm already

You're not spitting out the wine?

I know these are empty calories,

but to keep putting up with
this bore, I need anesthesia.

It gives us a subtle vibration
in the mouth,

despite its youth.

Noelia isn't at the wine tasting.

Where is she?

I don't know, but she's not here.

Miguel

There you have it, eh?
How does it smell?

What does it sound like?
Sorry, I'm a little

Drink.

It's a little strong, isn't it?
A little better.

Well, it's awful to say,
but it's delicious.

It's good, isn't it?

Gross!

Charge me for hers too.

- We have a problem.
- What?

Noelia isn't at the tasting.

We need to talk to her
before it goes more haywire.

Even more?

I don't know what else could happen.

Hey, girl!

Do you mind
if I sit here with you?

This place is as crowded
as one of my concerts.

Uh... Sure.

Right

Yes

It's me.

La Txakira

The real one, eh?
Not the generic brand

I'm Noelia, plain and simple.

Plain and simple, lovely surname, eh?

I'm Berasategui.

Pleased to meet you.

How does this wine sound?

How does it sound?

This is a 5S wine, 5 senses,

it's subtle.

Its ripe tannins...

To hell with tannins. I{'s our day,
let's have a good time. Come on.

Excuse me?
I'm more of a beer person.

Carmen, they're bringing out
the ham now. Carmen

Okay.

Note that the nose is intense, bold,
mineral, from well-assembled wood.

You've had three wines.
Use your head...

Who cares?
You're so dull! Let's go!

I had to put the L behind.

Let's see how this goes

Shit!

- Careful!
- Here we go!

Careful!

Fuck, the tourists
are already balconing

Wow, what a crowd

Tourist my ass.

If, if, if.

The Colombian girl
has always copied me

A few years ago, I hooked up with
a forward from Portugalete.

Two months later, she goes
and hooks up with Piqué.

- That's just coincidence.
- Yeah, coincidence

Now I'm hooked up with a guy
who owns car dealerships.

You'll see how long it takes her
to hook up with another one.

Just like my dad.

- Oh, really?
- Yes, yes.

He also has dealerships.

Oh, that's great.
Mine is a sugar daddy.

So cute

- I'll show you a photo of him.
- Let's see.

Excuse me, do we know each other?

Your face looks very familiar

No way, sweetie.

But you'll know me from my videos.
They're viral.

Oh, right, you're the Basque Shakira.

No, no

I'm Txakira, okay?

The only one. With a "tx."

And from Baracaldo, for that matter.

Well, I'm Paola,

assistant to Mike Flowers,
the music producer.

I'm sure he'd love to meet you.

Oh, well.

Sorry, hon', but as you see,
I have to take care of business.

Don't worry, good luck.

Luck? Look, sweetie,

if I believed in luck, I'd still be
an Eroski checkout chick.

So, where's this Mikel guy?

He's at the beach shooting
a music video. Shall we go?

Let's go then.

'Bye, queen!

'Bye!

Txakira?

Txakira! Txakiral

It's a real pleasure, Mike Flowers.

I'm & huge fan, I don't know
where you get your inspiration from

I'm ahead of all the trends.

The key is to be yourself

That's exactly what we're looking for.

Right, Paola?

Paola is on her 20-minute break
due to a union agreement

Well, what about you?

You been in the business long?

Me?
Yes

All my life, the greatest
are famous thanks to me.

Omar Montes?

Where is he because of me?

Omar Montes is there.

No. Omar is here.

No, Mikel! Omar Montes is
over there having a drink!

- Damn, Omar Montes?
- Sure!

He's been checking me out.

But he's too shy to come over.

He's like that.

Hey, now that you're here,
you can introduce us, right?

- Sure I can.
- Sure!

- Go on
- Go on, what?

Introduce me, right? Can you?

Can you?

Sure, I'm your guy, but

Fucking go, Mikel,
get over there!

- I'm going.
- Shit.

Damn.

When we finish this, I'm going

- We'll grab a drink and go.
- Okay.

- Great.
- Omart

- How are you?
- What's up, you star?

I'm Mike Flowers.

I'm from the...
Last Wish Foundation.

I wanted to ask you a favor.

Go ahead.

I'm spending some days
with a girl who has...

- Bratwurst Syndrome.
- Bratwurst?

Poor girl. Is it very serious?

She only has a week to live.

But she's strong, eh?

She's strong, look at her.

That girl over there.
Smiling, so young...

Sdhe does have a pretty face.

Inside she's broken

I don't know, I'd give you
some tickets to my concert,

but it was yesterday

No, but if you just go up
to her and say hello,

she'll go to heaven with a smile.

- Hell yeah, of course
- Yeah?

- Yeah, man.
- Thanks a lot.

- Txakira.
- What?

I wanted to introduce you
to Omar himself.

Omar, I've followed you
since your first hit.

Yes

Well, thanks a lot.

Mike told me what
you're going through,

and you're a very strong.
very brave woman.

He mentioned the Colombian bug
making my life miserable, right?

It's a tropical disease.

Hey, but let me tell you...

Baracaldo girls are tough nuts to crack

You bet. I'm with you

"What the fuck?
- Sure.

I'll keep fighting, eh?

We artists get each other.
Come here, Omar, gimme a hug.

Fucking hell.

Right, agur.

Right, to your thing

First, a gocd video clip

Then, a couple of discs.

Then, a world tour.

And watch we don't end up
with your own perfume.

"Bara...caldo

Eau de toilette. By Txakira"

I see it, Mikel, I see it

- Will you smell it?
- Great.

Tragic breaking news.

A magnitude 6 earthquake
has struck the capital of Tanzania.

Excuse me, can you turn that up?

Mass evacuations of government
buildings, offices, and schools.

As well as temporary outages
of electrical supply

and telecommunications.

Look, now I grab the jackhammer

I couldn't do my eyeliner
for two days due to the shaking.

But I tell you, it's worth it.

Sure thing.

Can you give me a second?
I have some things to do.

Go on. Go on.

Wake up, girl,
you're missing out.

But I'm from Zamora

I know, but I need my girl
to think we're in Tanzania.

Sure, because I'm black, right?

Buddy, hand on your heart,

do you look more Tanzanian than
a sunburnt tourist on a deckchair?

Okay, okay, fine, but

Will you treat me to some lobster
and rice at that beach bar?

I said yes, but quiet,
I don't want my girl to find out

Don't worry,
I did theater in my country

They call me the Will Smith
of Tanzania.

But weren't you from Zamora?

Yes, but I'm getting into character.

- You call, call.
- You're a star.

Hey, are you okay?

You weren't answering your phone.
I was worried.

How are you, honey? I, I...

I didn't see your 12 missed calls.

I'm here with a local guide gathering
the remains of a poor missionary.

Hi, 'm Dudu!
We're in Tanzania!

She knows we're in Tanzania!

Isn't everything paralyzed
because of the earthquake?

- I heard it on the radio.
- Earthquake?

You wouldn't believe the tremors.
Incredible tremors.

But the worst was in another area,
because Tanzania is huge.

Yes, because we're in Tanzania.

What a scare!

I was about to call your funeral home
to get another body repatriated.

You're so silly!
No, honey, I'm fine

Dudu's taking me the hotel now.

- Yes, to the Tanzania Palace.
- The Palace, damn!

Next time I'm going with you

Yes, but it's paid for
by the Episcopal Conference.

Hey, aren't you with your parents?

No, I left them alone
on their anniversary.

I'm going to a place
I heard is great.

El Caracol, a beach bar.

Great! Right?

Was that Omar Montes over there?

Yeah. Yeah.

Lots of famous people are here
with an NGO, digging wells.

There's the chef José Andrés
making schnitzel cordon bleus.

Yes, everyone comes to Tanzania,
because we're in Tanzania.

Honey, can I call you later?
I've got the dead body...

- Okay, honey, kisses.
- Big kiss. Ciao, ciao.

Tanzania!

- Tanzania!
- I've hung up!

- Ay, ay, ay!
- Careful! Careful!

Shouldn't you go a bit slower?

Shut up, we're having
so much fun!

Careful! Careful! Careful!

Careful! Careful!

Didn't you see that guy?

Why are people jumping at us?

Because we're on the sidewalk!

That's true!

Here comes Cleopatra!

Lunatic!

Bye!

Hey, are you hungry?

More scared than hungry,
but if I can get off this thing...

Txakiral Txakira! Txakira!

You won't believe it,
I just got you a gig.

Shit, you don't say. Where?

Near here.

- Here we go. My time has come.
- Sure.

I need hair, makeup, clothes.

We'll stop by the hotel, let's go

Amazing, amazing

In the dressing room, I want

two bottles of Basque wine
and some gildas

A done deal. Of course.

Noelia is coming this way!

Watch her and tell Damian
to get her a gig. Got it?

Txakira! Txakiral

Txakiral

Txakira is starting her tour

Honey! I'm so hungry!
My stomach is growling!

This place looks really expensive

Who cares?
To hell with the pension fund.

We'll paint Tenerife red!

Sir, so nice to see you!
Your table is ready.

Have you been here before?

No, no way.

The usual? I understand.

He mistook me for a millionaire
because I have good skin.

You know what I say?
Let's make the most of it

Look, kid, get me some champagne,

the most expensive you have,

- and put it on his bill, okay?
- Of course.

But a bottle here costs 1000 suros

How do you know?

I don't, I just said
a big number at random.

This is so good!

What do you care
if this rich guy is paying?

Here, try it. Thanks

But that's for

Quiet, move it.

Don't you think
you should be a bit...?

Look, I'm tired of all these "shoulds."

"I should sleep eight hours,
do an hour of yoga a day,

eat five pieces of fruit, I should...

You know what I should do?

I should say screw it all
and eat this delicious ham,

which you haven't even tasted, right?

Come on, honey.

But tomorrow you'll go back
to your exercise addiction,

your smoothies,
all that stuff you do.

No, really, it's over.

Do you know why I did
all that healthy living stuff?

To live longer

But after trying this, I realize
I wasn't living, but surviving.

Come on

That tofu stuff was really tough

You said it

Less tofu and more fun.
Come on, let's go!

Let's dance!

Look, look, look!

A conga line! Come on!

Dudu?

No, my name is Carmelo.

What are you talking about?

We just spoke on the phone,
you were in Tanzania.

Tanzania

Hey, I'm from Zamora, okay?

And what you just did
is super racist.

I don't talk like that, eh?

Sorry, you looked just the same.

Are you saying all black people
are the same?

No, please, how could
I think that? I don't...

Oh, we're not the same.

Inferior then?

No, no, [ mean I thought

you were the same
because I mistook you,

you were, you looked
very similar, you know?

Like collectors' cards,

I mean, reproductions...
Ill shut up.

That's better.

Come on, shit, answer.

I don't believe it.

You outdid yourself
getting the show, eh?

This is where musical careers
come to die, Damian.

You can't work miracles
in an hour.

Next time ask the tech-whiz.

By the way, where is she?

Watching Noelia,
but she should be back by now

Let's see.

Yes, call her.

Hello. With WhatsApp around,

you're such a boomer
leaving a message here.

Didn't she share our geolocation
with the smartwatch?

With what?

With the watch

Start the show,
the public's gonna go!

Look, a little patience, please.

Our guest artist is putting on
the finishing touches.

Get off!

Txakira, Txakira,

people are getting impatient

Good, they'll be more excited

I'll be like a donut
at the door of a gym

There'll be trouble, there will.

Last time, they trashed the bar
with their canes.

Don't worry, I once
rocked it at a bowling alley.

I can tame these beasts

You again? Leave the Jurassic period
and download WhatsApp.

I'm sorry, we don't have anyone
staying by that name

All right, thank you

Hello?

Hello?

Dad?

Sorry, girl, we're ordering you
a little brother.

One!

Or two, if they're small!

I'll leave my land for you,

1'll leave my fields and go away

Far from here,

I'll cross the garden crying.

On days like this,
I'd rather leave this mortal coil.

And I will depart from ports
far from here

By day I will live
thinking of your smile

By night the stars
will accompany me

You will be like a light
That illuminates my path

1 am leaving, but I swear
That tomorrow I will return

All together, hands up,
let me hear you!

Good evening, Tenerife!

Beautifull

That's more like it!

I'm looking for
an interesting mature guy

who is an expert lover
to hang out with.

And what do you care
if he seems kind of dull

I know how to light his fire,
even if he's wrinkled.

I love older men,
preferably retired.

And he takes me out to dinner
in his car to swanky places.

This one is killing me some old guy

I take them to the gym

So when he comes back at night,
he dances his mambo for me.

Sorry! Sorry!

- Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
- What's going on?

Sorry, Txakira's had a mishap
with her costume.

Mike!

You warm the audience up,
you don't set them on fire

It's not my fault
that I'm as tasty

as a spider crab
and as spicy as a gilda

You promised me a two-hour show

and you haven't been on
for five minutes.

With these aggressive old folks,
no one can perform.

Mikel, you have a call.

Oh, you...

- What's my Txemari doing here?
- No, ne, no.

Miguel, I'm at the hotel with Carmen

Do not show up here with Txakira.

Who's Carmen?

Who's Carmen?
Hey, Txemari, I know you're there.

I can hear your piggy breathing

Hi, honey!

What's going on here?!

Calm down, Txakira.

Calm down, I can explain.

- Go on.
- Look, Txakira,

José Marfa hired me

to launch your music career

But the good man didn't want
you to know it was his idea.

This is all wonderful.
It melts my heart.

But who the fuck is Carmen?

Ah, well, screw the surprise.
Carmen...

Brace yourself, eh?

Carmen is the one and only
director of Sony Spain.

And we were finishing up
the details of your album

Okay.

- Let's go to the hotel to meet her.
- We can't.

We can't, we're finishing
some details

$0 you don't get conned.

Details, schm-etails,

This Carmen is my Clara Chia

- Get the fuck off me.
- Txakira, please, I beg you

Hey, hey, this is disgraceful.

Don't worry, I think I have
Leticia Sabater available, eh?

Don't worry.

Man, Leticia

To the Cleopatra Palace, now!

Fuck!

Go, tiger!

Fuck!

Sorry, sorry, are you okay?

Yes

Oh, God!

Get in!

Fuck!

What are you doing here?

Rescuing you.

I got that from the beach
and came to find you.

Right

I'm fine, eh?

I don't need anyone to rescue me

Ah, well. Fine

Wait.

How did you find me?

With a compass and the stars.

That's all you need.

The smartwatch signal
is at 0.5 meters.

The stars, sure.

Technology's not such
a bad thing after all, huh?

Well, I'm not such a Mortadelo.

- 'mon.
- Here I come

Oh, my God!

Where are we meant to be?

30 minutes from the coast

Well, maybe a little further.

Honey, please don't be so angry

Look, I understand.

We're your parents,

but you must understand that
we're also a woman and a man.

Mom, Mom, stop, stop.

That's not it

I think Miguel is cheating on me

What?

What a bastard

I have a feeling he's not
in Tanzania, you know?

But why do you say that?

Never mind,
you can't trust any guy.

Well, yes, you, Dad.

You. yes. You, yes.

Oh my God

I don't know if you brought
your glasses, because

Help me look at the desserts.

I can't see very well

Room 9101.

Txakira's caught you.

José Marfa, don't hide.
Show your trotter, piggy.

Damién, find Isa.
See you at the hotel

We've had a leak with Txakira.

"Lover, Maria del Carmen Berasategui,
45 years old

45. That's a lie.

I'm 32

So it was all a lie.

I can explain.

You're not a producer.

No, in a way I am

My company produces fantasies.

Fantasies, come on.
Whopping great lies!

Txakira, listen to me.

You have two options.

Either leave this room
with that computer

or leave this room
with a music career.

In two months,
Chenoa will be your opening act

I don't like Chenoa!

Whoever you want!

Txakira's cashing in
and this is my guarantee!

- Give me that!
- No, no.

Get the fuck off me.

Get off

Relax, honey, I'm sure
the guy will drop in soon

Christ, what a fall.

Hey, look

- Listen, one thing.
- Tell me.

Uh...

...thanks for coming
to get me and all that.

I don't know, maybe I've been
kind of a pain in the ass.

No way.

Hey, pedal or we won't make it.

Jeez, she goes out
faster than a birthday candle

My God

- Where am I?
- Not in Tanzania, obviously.

I can explain.

No, that's not necessary.

Now I get why I called
all the hotels

and there was no
Miguel Rodriguez staying there.

- Fine. I'l confess everything
- That's a lie.

But José Maria...

I mean, I won't let him
make fun of the girl.

Well, you're late, Dad

You said only I was missing
for it all to be perfect, right?

Well, I wanted to surprise you

And yes, I lied to you.

When I called you, I was
on my way to the airport.

On your way to the airport?

You could've called a taxi

Because your Tanzanian friend
was here at the beach today.

But think about it,
why would I lie to you?

Of course, my girl.

What else?
He's having an affair

You'd have to be very stupid

to bring your lover to
the same hotel as your woman, no?

Very, yes

I thought I was good at
spotting lies, but apparently not.

So, I don't know, tell me.

Tell me why you got me involved.

I can't tell you

Thanks for not saying anything

I do this because
my parents split up.

I can't do that to Noelia
just to save myself.

It's a shame that in the end
we couldn't be a family

You're not a bad guy

It seems like you're
the only ene who thinks so

Listen to me.

Thanks to your lies,
I've discovered my truth.

I realized that I'm with
an extraordinary woman

She loves me very much
and I adore her.

I don't know, I lost my mind.

I almost ruined everything.

Anyway.

I'm releasing you from our contract.

I don't think I'll ever
need your services again

And listen, take a shower,
you smell like a cabin boy

Yes, I do smell bad.

But anyway, what happened?

Noelia caught me.

Wow, and Txakira knows.

In fact, she has my computer
with all our information

What's she going to do with that?

They sold velvet lies,

as ephemeral as ice sculptures,

the kings of hoaxes.

She is Txakira, but with "tx,"

and today she released this music video
that has set social media ablaze.

The scorned singer, known
as the Txakira of Baracaldo,

has brought to light,
through this song,

the existence of an odd company.

This girl hasn't just sent the bill,

she's taken an entire mortgage

Alibis SL, as it is called,

was dedicated to providing alibis

to people who needed to lie
to their partners, their families

or at work. A heavy subject.

Alibi, we've got you covered.
With an invoice, the crime is over.

It's easier to catch a liar
than a lame man.

What's she doing?
I don't walk like that.

Well...

Sometimes I don't get if.

{'ll play a Guardia Civil for them
without doing the exam

Such has been the uproar
that the company in question,

founded by Miguel Rodriguez,

is being investigated
by the Public Prosecutor

Of course, because among
the clients mentioned

are musicians, soccer players,
even a government minister.

SIX MONTHS LATER

The fing isn't what matters

It's the damage we've done,
and we're going to try to repair it.

Do you regret it?

Do I regret it?

Regret is my first meal of the day.

Why did you do it?

The question is:

Why can't we realize
once and for all that love and truth

are the only solution?

- Dad.
- My daughter

How are you doing?

Terrible. I can't cope.

Naturally. Imagine Mom.

But it's fine. Anyway.

Hey, what about these guys?

A fine and out on the street.

I would've asked for much more.

Life imprisonment,
reviewable if they let me.

We're very sorry.
We already said we've stopped

You made a fool of me.

My wife cheated on me
for three years with your help.

- I'm sorry.
- You'll be sorry all right

Calm down, please, calm down,

I'l give you an alibi!

Please, let's stay calm.

Keep calm, we're all
getting very nervous.

What are you laughing at, you fool?

For me, life ended
when I lost the woman I love.

Please, I beg you.

The sooner you end
this ordeal, the better.

What's he on about now?

Please, show some respect.

Listen, please.

I've been an idiot.

Because love isn't built on lies.

Love is built on truth

If you're lucky enough to have
someone like her come into your life,

it's worth telling the whole truth

What a shame that it takes
such a blow to wake up.

Ablow, you say?

There, he got what he deserved!

Enough, we're outside a courthouse

Everyone, piss off. Go on!

Go on!

Hey, hey, hey!

Are you okay?

I understand that a lot of people
have it in for me

It's great to see you

I thought about you a lot in jail.

Really?
You spent one night in the can

It felt like an eternity to me.

What do you want? A diploma?

I want you to forgive me.

I'll do anything, okay?

If you insist on castration,
then go ahead.

We'd get really bored, you know?

At least your last lie
was to protect my father.

And that does you a little credit.

Have I told you that I like you?

I think so.

Live. on TV.

And without a thumb wrestle

So what do you do
now that the agency has closed?

We've set up another one,
but this time to reconcile couples.

And with all the trouble we caused,
we can't keep up.

Well, I'd be interested
in hiring your services

Sure. We'll give you a discount

By the way, nice punch, eh?
Very believable.

Thanks, man.
I wanted to improvise.

Well, very good then.

Yes, I'm down for that.

ALIBIS

Do you only list to Nino Bravo here?

Correct.

Get used to it, because with Miguel,
the king of Valencian ballads,

it's the office soundtrack.

"Soundtrack, soundtrack."

That's where you blow it.

- Soundtrack, soundtrack.
- That's it.

He was peeing.

- Who?
- My dog. I mean, I.

I think Miguel is cheating on me

What?

"What bastards."

- You suddenly sounded like Langui.
- Bastard

Bastards.

- Cabrons. El cabrons.
- He said it in Catalan

- She's fallen asleep.
- How cute.

- Isal sal
- Isal Isa!

I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm back!

- Take the next exit.
- The exit! The exit!

At one point she had
an earring in her hand

We noticed, right?

She threw it there

Pizzal

Son of a bitch!

Don't do this to us

It's the office soundtrack

Damn it, man!

I mean...

Guys, look at anyone in the crew,
they're serious.

You're looking at my pussy
from below...

No, in your eyes, I swear

I can't get in!

No, hey, nom Mike!

Okay!

Soundtrack... from the office...

- Soundtrack... from the office...
- Okay, we're set

Hold on tight, we're off!

Let's go!

Get used to it, huh?
With Miguel, the...

Oh, fucking hell!

- Bam! In your face...
- Guys, calm down.

You know that nothing
takes me by surprise.

That took me by surprise

With Miguel,
the king of the "valenciala" ballad...

I don't believe it.

Goddamni t!

Oops! The...

{ melted my heart in chacolf

although it was in vain.

I played fronton,
I welded and forged for you

from my scaffolding.

I tried to change, it wasn't so bad

and I looked for a hobby.

I convinced myself
you weren't for me,

my jack... hammer.

You shake me like a hurricane.

Your plaster makes me sigh.

I'm shipwrecked by temptation.

I'm coming for you, my tiler.

They say they've seen you working,

in Getxo and San Sebastian.

And I want you to give me your love,

cover me now with your material.