Original subtitles

(THUNDER CLAPPING)

(ENGINE SPUTTERING)

Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that.

Losing oil pressure on the starboard engine.

Well, on the plus side,

all the pretty little lights on the instrument panel are still working.

Brian, we're in trouble here.

All right, what's happenin' up there?

Is there something wrong with this engine?

Engines are known to sputter now and then, Helen,

but, uh, the chances of one actually stopping

have just increased dramatically.

This is yawing into the dead engine.

Feather the prop while I try to keep the nose up.

Yeah, I'm cranking.

(GRUNTING) The prop lever's jammed.

We're going down. Pull it harder...

Keep the nose up!

(ALL CLAMORING)

Hey, hey, we are handling it! There's nothing any of you can do!

Yeah, everybody just fasten your seatbelts and sit tight.

(ENGINE SPUTTERING)

HELEN: Oh, this can't be happening.

This is supposed to be the biggest night of my life.

(SIGHING) Sometimes you can really feel like a pawn in the hands of fate.

I mean, none of this would have happened

if this morning I had come out of the kitchen

just one second earlier

or one second later.

Oh!

You clumsy fool! Where's your mind?

I'm so sorry!

(GASPING) Let me help you with that. Oh!

Just get away. You're only making it worse.

Listen, I'm really sorry. You'll have to let me clean that for you.

This is pure silk! You won't be able to clean it!

Well, then I'll replace it.

(SIGHS) Considering this is a one-of-a-kind, custom-tailored jacket

from Milan, Italy, it would be easier to replace you.

If I can't clean it, then I'll send you a check.

Oh. All right.

It's certainly of no use to me in this condition.

Have the check made out for this amount

and, uh, send it to this address.

Whoa.

I see the price in lira and it always seems so inflated.

How much would this be in dollars?

That is in dollars.

Can you believe this?

Yeah, what a jerk.

This is all I need.

I mean, I'm practically down to my last penny

and now I got to buy this guy a jacket that costs more than my car.

Oh, get him a knock-off.

My tailor can duplicate that jacket exactly,

it won't cost you more than $50.

Oh.

Plus it would be machine washable, flame retardant

and have a neat little zip-away hood.

Oh, my God!

Look at this card. Do you know who that is?

I don't believe it. It's Peter Swinden.

Of course! He plays Smedley the Hobo on the Poppo The Clown Show.

Lowell, he's the managing director of the Boston Symphony Orchestra.

Is there nothing the man can't do?

I hate that Swinden.

I sent him an audition tape over a year ago

and he didn't even have the courtesy to send me a response.

Not even a form letter telling me to go to hell.

Well, good manners went out with the Eisenhower Administration.

Hey, Helen, I thought you gave up the idea of becoming a concert cellist.

Can't you put all that stuff behind you?

I did. It just bugs me when a guy in a position of power

treats someone like dirt and never gets called on it.

I never let that happen.

Just last night, I had an ugly scene

with the night manager at Ben and Jerry's.

That pimply-faced little puke tried to close early on me.

Big mistake.

I'll bet he's still picking chocolate jimmies out of his scalp.

You know, Helen, this Swinden guy

isn't going any place until his flight is called.

If you still want to give him a piece of your mind, I say go for it.

You know, you're right, Joe.

That made me feel a lot better. Thanks.

Joe, I know you're only trying to help,

but I think you really stirred up a hornet's nest here.

Who said I'm trying to help?

All of a sudden, I'm proud to be a Hackett.

Excuse me, Mr. Swinden,

I have something to say to you.

My name is Helen Chapel and I don't just work behind a lunch counter.

I also happen to be a cellist.

Well, perhaps you should get together with that oboe-playing busboy

and that flute-playing baggage handler I ran across earlier

and form yourselves a little band.

I sent you an audition tape over a year ago

and you didn't even have the courtesy to send me a response.

In your book, that may make you some big shot, but if you ask me,

you're nothing but an insensitive,

pig-headed, self-centered SOB.

What are you implying?

You don't even remember, do you?

I played the Britten Cello Suite.

And you wanna know somethin'?

I played the hell out of it.

Wait a minute, the Britten Cello Suite? I do remember!

Oh, don't humor me.

I'm not! I wouldn't know how.

You used a delicately understated left hand pizzicato

during the Serenata movement.

Yeah, you bet your G-string I did.

Where have you been? We all loved that tape.

We wanted you for second chair.

Well, what the hell happened?

Somehow the label fell off.

We tried everything to locate you but to no avail.

This is unbelievable. Really?

You wanted me to play in the Boston Symphony Orchestra?

Did you hear that?

Well, you know, as fate would have it,

I'm still available.

Quite ironic, isn't it?

Yes, that you would literally bump into me by accident.

No, I mean that we filled the position with someone of lesser ability

but she grew to be a wonderful cellist.

Isn't that a hoot?

(PAGER BEEPING)

Oh, excuse me, it's, uh, my office.

Wait till I tell them our mystery cellist

works the lunch counter in some piddly airport.

They're going to laugh!

Isn't this great? Is this just the best?

I mean, why doesn't life just kick me when I'm down?

I believe it just did.

And you wanna know the worst part?

My musical career was really over when I got back from New York.

And this just dredges it all up again.

I mean, I had finally gotten to the point

where I could listen to classical music without throwin' up.

Maybe there's hope for me yet.

Gee, Helen, I'm really sorry.

I guess it would have been better if you'd never known how close you got.

Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

It's not as good as losing consciousness.

This is the most incredible coincidence.

You know this cellist we were speaking of,

the one we hired instead of you?

I've just been informed she has tendonitis

and can't perform tonight.

Tonight is the opening of our spring season.

It's going to be difficult to find a replacement on such short notice.

I'm available.

I thought of that, of course. I heard your tape and you're fantastic.

But, no. It would never work.

What? What would never work?

Whatever it is, I can make it work.

The program is Schoenberg. The technical demands are daunting.

I don't have to tell you how difficult Verklarte Nacht is.

That's my warm-up piece.

That's what I play every day!

This is extraordinary.

I must be as lucky as I am gifted.

ROY: Attention.

Aeromass flight 17 to Boston

is now departing this piddly airport at Gate One.

Look,

I have to catch the plane so...

I'm gonna have to make a very bold decision.

Miss Chapel. Yes?

(LAUGHS) The job is yours.

The performance is at 8:00 tonight at Symphony Hall.

Don't let me down. No, sir. I will not!

I will not! I'll be there. This is a dream come true. It's just perfect!

Yes I know. Your fee for tonight should almost cover the cost of my jacket.

(SCREAMING)

Is this unbelievable?

I'm going to be playing with the Boston Symphony Orchestra!

Yahoo!

My, she is happy.

(ALL CHEERING)

(WHOOPING)

My God, Helen, I had no idea you could move like that.

Me either. I've never done anything like it before.

You know, Helen, this may seem like a strange time to bring this up,

but, I think we should start dating again.

Brian, I don't know how much longer I can hold this.

How's that prop lever coming?

Almost got it, almost got it.

Yeah, all right. Right, that's it.

Phew. Gee, this thing is handling like a garbage truck.

Brian, try to re-start that engine.

(ENGINE FALTERING)

Uh, no luck.

Well, keep trying.

Flying over water with one engine isn't exactly my favorite thing in the world.

HELEN: It's bad enough that fate had this in store for me.

But when you think about it,

it was fate that put my friends on this plane, too.

Okay. Everything's arranged.

You all have the best seats in the house,

then you'll see the concert

and then we'll all go out for a nice triumphant bottle of champagne.

Uh, actually, Helen, I can't.

What do you mean you can't?

What could be more important than my symphonic debut, Joe?

Jim Bartow's bachelor party.

Wait a minute, you're talking about sitting around

with a bunch of guys, guzzling beer, watching some sleazy strippers.

I'm talkin' about the most important night of my life!

Helen, I'm Jim's best man.

I'm organizing the whole thing.

Look, I am really sorry. Joe.

And for your information, we're not having any strippers.

Unless I can get the Devlin twins

to knock $100 off their asking price.

Oh, well, you'll be there, won't you, Brian?

Oh, absolutely, especially if we can get the Devlin twins

'cause they do a version of the old Harpo Marx in the doorway routine,

makes even me blush.

I meant you'd be there at the symphony.

Helen, a-after everything we've been through,

you know I wanna be there for you.

I mean, this bachelor party is a surprise

and I'm the one who's supposed to get Jim there.

He thinks he's gonna see a double feature.

And with any luck, he will.

I'm sorry.

Uh, uh, well, does it have to be tonight?

Fay!

Whatever it is, can't you change it?

Oh, well, if it was anything else, I--I could.

But--but I'm being awarded the "Nantucket Volunteer of the Year" award.

Fay, this is important to me.

Oh, my award's important to me, too.

You think I'm out there every weekend in an orange jumpsuit

picking up roadside trash 'cause I like it?

(CLATTERING)

Well, Lowell, guess it's just you and me tonight.

Really? Yeah.

You'd give up your symphonic debut

to help me install a new transponder in Joe's plane?

You're busy too?

Gosh, you never have anything to do.

Well, tonight I do.

Plane's available thanks to that bachelor party.

Bachelor party, might I add, that no one invited me to.

Lowell, you don't even like Jim Bartow.

But I like watching strippers.

Even if they are my cousins.

(SIGHS)

It's the most important night of my life

and no one I care about will be there to share it with me.

Oh, I'm sorry, Helen. No, it's okay. I understand.

I mean, fate can be cruel sometimes.

Helen, I just checked my schedule

and I can make it to that band concert of yours tonight.

And other times it can be downright sadistic.

Come on, Roxanne, be reasonable.

What could you and your sister possibly do

that would justify my paying an extra $100?

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Well, could just one of you do it for $50?

Okay, you got yourself a deal. Yeah.

Joe. Now you have got to come to Boston with me tonight.

I mean, I've dreamed about this night ever since I was a little girl.

I'll be performing with one of the most prestigious orchestras in the country.

It's just not gonna mean anything unless someone's there to share it with me.

Well, isn't Roy gonna be there?

I meant someone who doesn't clap along with the music.

Helen, I would love to, but I can't.

It's too late to change the bachelor party. Please, Joe.

The only way I could go is if by some fluke,

Jim Bartow called off his wedding.

Joe, you're not going to believe what happened.

Jim Bartow just called off his wedding.

Yes!

You're kidding! No.

You told him to say that. She told you to say that. She never told me anything!

No, no, seems that old Jim was out making a scallop run

and he saw his bride-to-be

with some stud on the beach digging for clams

without a shovel, if you know what I mean.

You know, this is like it was meant to be.

It's like fate. This is destiny.

This is great!

I'm sure Jim doesn't think so. He must be devastated.

Well, actually, he took it all pretty well.

He rammed his boat into the pier screaming her name

and then just went on with life as usual.

Guys, I meant you'll be able to go to the symphony with me.

Uh, I don't know.

I may have made an oral agreement with the Devlin twins.

All right, Joseph, you went for the five star package!

Joe.

Oh, uh, don't worry, Helen, we'll be there.

HELEN: Fay, you won't believe it.

Joe and Brian are gonna go to Boston with me tonight.

I only wish you could go, too.

Well, as fate would have it, I can.

This is getting weird.

What--What happened to your volunteer award?

Well, the most incredible thing happened.

We were having our banquet at Angelo's By the Sea.

And some screaming madman rammed his boat into the pier,

and--and they had to close the restaurant.

Well, uh, the ceremony's been postponed until tomorrow till they clean up.

They wanted me to help but the plaque's already been engraved.

They can't touch me.

Joe, if you're finished with the plane,

I want to get started on that transponder.

Uh, actually, Lowell, I'm gonna need the plane tonight.

It turns out that we can go to Boston with Helen.

All of you? BRIAN: Yeah.

My, my, what a pleasant turn of events.

Lowell, since you can't work on the plane, you know what this means.

Yeah, finally a night to myself. See you!

FAY: Lowell!

D-Don't you wanna go to Boston to see Helen's symphony debut?

Oh, yeah, right. That's what I meant.

A night to myself, with all of you in Boston

at Helen's symphonic debut.

You know me, any excuse to put on the old monkey suit.

(SNICKERS)

Or is this one of those things where you need a tuxedo?

Tuxedo. Well, we're all gonna get dressed up, aren't we?

Yeah, absolutely. Hmm.

I can't believe this. I mean, this is so incredible.

A few minutes ago I was in the depths of despair

because no one was gonna be able to go with me.

And now one by one you walk through the door

and you tell me you can.

I know. It's like we're living in an O. Henry story.

Leave it to the Irish to produce a man who's not only a great writer,

but also makes a damned fine candy bar.

It just doesn't get any better than this.

Sure it could. Roy could walk through that door right now

and tell you he can't make it.

Helen, about your performance tonight,

I've got a problem.

Yes?

The cleaners messed up my tuxedo.

Is it okay if I wear a velour jogging suit?

It's black.

(THUNDER CLAPPING)

Hold on, everyone, things might get a little bumpy back there.

Hey, do you know what the hell you're doing up there?

Oh, oh, oh, are we dropping? It feels like we're still dropping!

We're handling it, Roy. Just relax.

How the hell can I relax with you two idiots at the controls?

I swear, if I survive this thing,

I am going straight to the F.A.A.

and have both your licenses revoked.

Well, at least now we have a goal to work toward.

Lowell, what happened to the engine anyway?

Well, the technical term is catastrophic engine failure.

W-What causes that?

Catastrophes.

I think the term is pretty self-explanatory, Helen.

That's when something explains itself.

God, I hate this.

Oh, now, Roy, just relax and try to think of other things.

Like what?

Uh, well, this tuxedo, for instance.

I'm so pleased it fits you.

Isn't that a stroke of luck that you

and my late husband George are the same size?

This thing stinks. He didn't die in it, did he?

No. Of course not. That's the moth balls.

You know, it's funny, I don't remember George

as being as big a man as you are.

Uh, I suppose when someone has a pleasant personality,

you tend to look past the physical.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

I swear if I get out of this tinker-toy alive, I'm gonna be a nice guy.

I'm gonna be a good guy. I'm gonna be the sweetest guy that anybody ever...

What the hell is your problem, woman?

Sitting there working that crossword puzzle with that stupid grin on your face.

(SOBBING) Can't you see we're about to die?

Oh, now, Roy, you forget I was a stewardess.

We were trained to always smile in the face of danger,

to never let the passengers know that there was anything amiss.

But if it makes you feel any better,

I am throwing up on the inside.

Yeah.

This one's a goner, Joe. I'm gonna cross-feed the fuel to the good engine.

All right. We're gonna have to head back.

All right, but remember, with one engine, make the turn really wide.

Wait a minute. Turn? Why are we turning?

Helen, we're down to one engine. This is an emergency.

We've got to go back to Nantucket.

(CHATTERING) Back? We're going back?

Helen, I know how much you want to make it to this symphony,

but we have got to turn back.

The rule is you go to the nearest safe landing place to effect repairs.

Uh, look, Joe, uh, I don't wanna panic anybody, but the radio is out.

(SNIVELING) Oh, my God. The radio's out.

Oh, not to worry, Roy.

How can you say that?

Well, Joe had me get the extended warranty on the radio.

That's a gamble that really paid off, huh?

(THUNDER CLAPPING)

You listen to me. Stop this turning business and get on to Boston.

Helen, we can't! We are not past the mid-point yet.

Nantucket is still the closest landing place.

F.A.A. regulations are very explicit on this point.

Joe. And there's a good reason for that.

It takes away the temptation to go further than safety will allow.

Joey. The decision is already made for you.

It's out of our hands. Joe.

What? Well, during your painfully dry dissertation

on the mid-point principle, we passed it.

So our nearest safe landing is now Hyannis.

Oh, this is great! Then I can just take a plane from Hyannis to Boston

and I can make the performance on time, yay!

(CLUNKING NOISES)

What was that? Nothing, Roy.

That wasn't nothing. Nothing feels like nothing. That was something.

Shut up, Roy.

Too bad I don't have any honey smoked almonds.

That usually calms people right down.

The cross-feed valve is clogged.

I don't know if we have enough fuel to make it to Hyannis.

I don't believe this!

Oh, God!

Does anyone know an eleven-letter

sports term meaning tie-breaker?

Shut up, Fay!

All right, everybody, stay calm!

Now, we've got limited fuel, and if we're gonna make it last...

I know. I know. Do what you have to do.

All right. Everybody, guys,

I need your cooperation.

We have to lighten our load.

Roy.

Oh, no, you don't. No, no, keep away from me.

I swear I'll kill the first person who touches me! No, no.

Roy! Roy! I just need you to hand me the tool box.

I've got to start unbolting the seats. Oh, okay.

And in case we do need you, stand by.

Lowell, start on the seats. I'll jettison the doors.

LOWELL: Right.

You know, it's funny,

if Jim Bartow hadn't caught his girlfriend fooling around,

he never would have crashed his boat into the pier.

So, Fay would be accepting her award right now

and she wouldn't be here.

And, well, for that matter,

Joe and Brian would be at Jim's bachelor party

so they wouldn't be here.

Helen and Roy would be on another flight,

so they wouldn't be here.

And of course, I wouldn't be here

'cause I'd be down in the hangar installing the new transponder.

I made out better than everyone,

at least I got out of some work.

What the hell is this transponder he keeps talking about, anyway?

That's a transmitter that sends out a constant homing signal

so that in the event of a crash,

an emergency crew is almost certain to find you.

And if we don't have one?

Well, uh, what's the nautical equivalent of "needle in a haystack"?

Let's quit talking like that. We're not gonna crash.

We're gonna make it to Boston.

I've had really good luck so far

so everybody keep a good attitude and think positive thoughts.

Hey, how many more seats do you want to throw out?

That may be enough for now.

At least I hope it is.

I think it's helping. Yeah. Yeah.

Our airspeed's up. Everyone can relax now.

I think we're gonna be fine from now.

(WHOOPING)

Oh, that was a close one!

You know, you always wonder how you're gonna react

in moments of crisis.

I--I don't know where that natural courage comes from,

(GIGGLING) it just bubbles up from somewhere.

Maybe it comes from those natural reservoirs underneath your arms, Roy.

I can't believe today!

I mean, with all its ups and downs, it's turned out pretty well.

I mean, normally I wouldn't say that

because I would be afraid of bringing bad luck

but, I mean, considering what we've been through,

I mean, what more could possibly happen?

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Now, Roy, if I have to slap you, I will!

That lightning just took out our second engine.

By my count, that's all we've got.

Prepare for a water landing. Set best glide speed. We're going in.

(WIND HOWLING)