Original subtitles

Freedom child of night sky, will you fly to the stars?

When you get there, you'll see nothing more that you need.

Hello out there, all you mature adults only.

Welcome to the best of the New York Erotic Film Festival.

Most of the people that made the films you're about to see are under 30.

Some of them were made by women, some by men, some by those who aren't sure yet.

a couple from a very attractive transvestite from Encino.

We held the screenings in a large drive-in in New Jersey, and people gave

head to each other in their cars.

There was some bawling.

One bestiality scene behind a Volkswagen camper.

And it was really actually a booming success.

My involvement with the New York Erotic Film Festival began when I was

approximately three and a half.

I was...

watching the girl across the block undress, and it was fun.

And suddenly there was a warm solution in my pants, and I knew that this is

what I must do.

There was a voice inside me saying, get the best fuck movies, put them in a

theater, invite the public,

charge them $3 too, and show America some

of the best eroticism around.

Unfortunately, the police heard the same voice and were at the theater opening

day. But before we show you these wondrous movies, why don't we go to our

press party, which took place the day before we opened up.

Our press party was made up of all the New York beautiful people. If you look

close, they're both standing over by the door. There was Punch and Silver Girl.

And a pair of rather saggy tits. The punch had a little lysergic detergent in

it, which straightened out a few people's heads.

Including his.

This is Andrew Sarris, the famed critic of the Village Voice.

This is a guy who was not supposed to be there.

The beautiful Hollywood lawn was there, who starved Andy Warhol's trash.

It's like being a judge at the Erotic Film Festival.

Honey, if it gets me hard, if it gets me going, it's eroticism.

This was a guy from Passaic who dropped a tab of acid and just got completely

out of control.

It's almost like a necrophilia scene, except that it gets into more of the

universal thing. It takes you into necrophilia a little bit.

At the health club, there was a sauna.

So, of course, some people got right on into it.

I'll say one thing. I think America is far behind the European continent as far

as eroticism is concerned.

Because people have a funny idea about nudity. Now, I'm an American. It sounds

weird for me to say this. But they have a funny idea about nudity. They still

get this puritanical outlook on it. And it's ridiculous.

Stupid. Stupid.

I mean, who's to say what part of sex is dirty?

I'm heterosexual.

I mean, you know, this is it. I like women. If someone's a homosexual, fine,

that's his thing. You know, I don't condemn him for it, but I can understand

him for it.

I'll say one good thing about this. A lot of people mock porno when they say

that it's bad and that someone's going to go out and rape somebody and this and

that.

But as far as the individual man doing it, there's a hell of a lot for him, I

tell you that.

So that was our press party, which lasted approximately two and a half

weeks, and resulted in much sperm being spilt.

But you're probably tired of hearing me talk about this jibber-jabber.

Besides, I've been informed we're ready for the sauna.

So, as one parting thought, I would just like to say, enjoy.

Yes.

Okay.

Spread yourself.

Spread yourself.

You don't ever need help from nobody else. All

you got to do now,

spread yourself.

Whatever you do.

Whatever you do, do, do, Lord, Lord.

Do it good.

All right.

It's not what you look like when you're doing what you're doing. It's what

you're doing when you're doing what you look like.

So let the horns do the talking.

You don't ever need help from nobody else.

All you've got to do now is praise yourself.

Whatever you do, do it

good.

Whatever you do.

It's not what you look like when you're doing what you're doing is what you're

doing.

So let the horns do the talking.

you

La-

Thank you.

you

We were investigating a...

Okay, I'm ready.

It is so seldom that the miracles actually happen. And even when it

does, it is no guarantee that the miracle will be to the advantage of the

people in command. You know what I mean.

Recently...

There was a report of woman, live Genoa, who had this stigmata in hand,

in shoes, in feet, inside.

For five years, this woman bleed from hands, feet, and side, near

one day before or one day after Columbus Day. Every year, five years.

Tim go, check woman, find.

That is not blood, it's tomato juice.

Now, it was not fake, it was real.

Woman bleed, tomato juice.

It's miracle, but how can you tell people there is woman bleed tomato

juice? No sound good, no believe, no help faith.

You know, a Lord's...

Not happening every day.

Wait right there. Don't shut me off.

Don't worry.

Is that you, Kate?

My name's Kate.

Far out.

Listen, I'm Captain Video from Viticon City.

Do you hear me?

No. How long have you been on?

Well, let me tell you.

Let me give you a little background about where I'm coming from.

First of all, technology has been so far out the last few years that

me and a couple other friends have been able to come right into your home

through the television set.

Amazing. Yeah.

It's not easy, you know.

Pretty lucky. It's not everybody that gets this channel.

If I could, I'd like to give you a little demonstration of my sensitivity.

All right. Could you sort of just stand up here by number two?

Yeah. Now, don't want anybody to get hurt here.

All right. Do you... You have to get up here a little further, up here by number

two. That's it. Now, do you guide my hand?

Do you feel anything?

Feel those little gray and white salt and pepper little honeys just sort

of cruising across the top of your skin? Those little salt and pepper electrons?

Very strange feeling.

Do you feel my hand?

I feel something.

I couldn't exactly say it was a hand. It's more like something passing through

me. Okay.

Here's the trick.

Like anybody, whether it be Joe Schmo or

you or me, you've got to believe, trust,

and concentrate.

really believe to get it on.

Now, if you don't like what I'm doing, just shut me off.

I'm sure I can find somebody else.

I'm only here to please you.

But I'm sure I could also interest you in what I have to offer.

Now, if you just get up here, at number two, and really concentrate, and we'll

sort of just get it on. You know what I mean?

Okay. Okay.

Feel that hand that's moving up there. Could I have your leg up here, please?

On number two? My bare leg?

Yes, the other leg.

That, that.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Hello.

Not yet.

You know, you can almost feel the moisture.

Know what I mean?

Could you, Kathy, could you sort of lean over here on number three, please?

Lean up here on number three.

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, Captain.

Oh, my.

You know, this is the great thing about being an electrician.

You were an electrician? Yes, I used to be an electrician. Oh, my.

Come a long way.

Kathy,

could I have a little more breast up on three, please?

See, I've been looking for some pear-shaped tones.

I've been dealing with grays all my life, you know what I mean?

I want something a little more shapely, a little more tonal, a little more

fleshy, something I can get my hands on.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, this is terrific.

You know,

it tastes like honey.

Kathy,

can I have a little more flesh on three, please? A little more breath, a little

more flesh, please?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

You're fabulous, Kathy.

Could you sit up on number three, please?

This is more likely.

Spread those legs.

Oh, yeah.

Fabulous.

I told her, Dad.

Just a minute. I got a surprise for you.

Don't go.

Don't go away.

This is going to be... How do you feel there?

Is that cold?

Let me get this centered.

That clears the way a little bit.

Okay. This is it.

Could you... Okay. Could you sort of move up a little more?

Such a tough angle.

Yeah. Yeah, a little more towards the edge.

Yeah.

Okay.

Don't turn off. Keep watching for further movie previews.

God bless you.

In the name of love, all things are possible.

He was D.H. Lawrence.

For their passion, they were condemned.

For their passion, they will be remembered.

Since I met you, every woman I've written about has been you.

Ian McKellen is D.H. Lawrence.

Janet Sussman is Frida Lawrence.

Ava Gardner is Mabel Dodge Lewin, who brought them to America.

And John Gielgud is Herbert G. Musket, who devoted his career to suppressing

Lawrence's work.

The ultimate act of freedom is an act of love.