Original subtitles

I've been trying to tell this story for a long time.

For a number of years.

Seven years, I believe.

Closer to ten.

I've had the title.

I've had some of the scenes a dozen different times.

different ways, different starts.

The times that I've told it to friends as something that I wanted to do, I've

come home and tried to get it down, get to work on it.

But the characters, the...

People ignored the damn story and talked about whatever they darn well pleased

and wouldn't have any part of what I wanted them to say.

I mean, they sat down to cough here, some damn thing.

The

trouble

was that I wanted not to be...

The big deal.

The hero.

Because I wasn't her.

No one was.

How do I know who was? If it happened this way or that, who knows?

But dad.

My dad.

What do I know about him?

I mean, if he's nothing but nothing, then the fact that he comes

off the short end of the stick shows something.

From that, you know there's more there.

You know?

Leave it.

Do it.

Straight. Get it down.

Let it get down and let it tell itself and mirror by what you couldn't say what

was really there.

Hugged me.

Hugged me, by God.

By God, you can't, no matter what anybody, anywhere says.

You can't separate a kid from his father.

Even after this long time.

Even after this time.

My God, he's so handsome.

So good looking.

So young.

This white dude's suit.

White dinner jacket.

Sport jacket. White.

But wool.

The sun shining.

And I said, Dad?

Dad?

Hello?

Let me take it.

I mean, what could I do?

Shake his hand?

But it was right.

I felt it was right.

Ronnie's different. Different kind of woman. She lives.

You'll love her.

I was working in the garden.

If it was staged.

I mean, she knew Dad was coming to get me. He called to see if the bus was on

time. He said he'd waited only eight minutes.

Full of us. He said she never wronged. She knew that I would be in at that

time.

So what do you do?

You meet a kid, 17, just out of high school, your stepson.

You've never seen him before. What are you going to be doing?

Whatever it is, it's going to make some kind of impression.

You borrow a white sport coat to meet the kid.

And you put on a pair of those thick, big white gloves with dirt from the

ground dirt on them. Those white work gloves with the blue elastic wrist. Big,

thick things for men.

And you're discovered in a garden hat.

So that the California sun won't burn you and so you won't frown.

I was working in the garden, pruning.

She hears the car drive into the driveway.

She hears the door slam.

She turns.

She comes across the backyard, smiling.

I take off a glove and extend my soft hand.

Welcome, Alan.

Welcome. Hello.

I was working in the garden, pruning. The roses and a handshake, and Dad looks

on, beaming.

Beaming.

You'll love her. You'll love her.

Blonde hair. She looks like Blondie in the funnies, but you do love her.

She's worried and planned.

Do you smoke?

Do you want a cigarette? And, of course, you smoke, but you didn't know if you

should, and... A beer?

Yes. Hell, Carol drinks. And worse, I think.

Well, you don't have to go on binges. I don't.

No. Ronnie smokes, you know, sometimes. About, eh, one a month.

Oh, not that much, even.

I have this incredible headache.

I think it has something to do with the altitude.

How high are we?

Geez, I don't know.

Coming through the mountains, it was... Do you want some coffee?

Ronnie makes the best damn coffee in the world.

Good.

What do I say?

Because I didn't plan. I didn't have a setting. It wasn't my house I was coming

into. It would be mine, but I couldn't sit at the breakfast nook and pull up

the ashtray and serve coffee out of the good cups like it was every day and lean

against the stove and talk about work. I could never gain weight, but God.

When we were married. That first week I put on weight.

It's the air.

You will, too.

And she... Ronnie's a good cook, isn't she?

Which reminds me, are you hungry?

The girls got out.

We wanted them to, so we could meet and get to know each other a little first.

The boys are staying with Mildred. They'll be asleep, I imagine, by the

time she brings them home tonight.

We told them they'd see you in the morning.

One more day won't matter.

You'll be here a while.

You'll love it here. I do. I do.

I do.

Carol, I want you to know, don't be embarrassed. We have these two girls

living here. You're wrong. I know. They're wards of the state, Alan.

They've had terrible lives. Just terrible.

Well, maybe I should... No, you don't know.

Penny's father left her. Her mother's died.

She's lived in one bad foster home after another. But they're happy here.

The woman says we have one of the best homes in San Diego County.

And they live here like it's their home.

They really do. They've been here, Penny, a year, Carol, a year and a half.

It is their home, and we get along like a family.

You'll have Carol's room, and she can... Carol's mother and father both died when

she was too young to remember.

She does, though.

She said she doesn't.

Penny's good.

She gets along fine. But Carol... Let me

talk to you man to man.

Carol's a whore.

She's promiscuous.

She came here bragging how she slept with six sailors in one night. Seven,

but one more or less.

She's got a boyfriend now. She's trying to straighten out, but she was on pills,

God knows what. Things I hadn't even heard of. But she dates this guy

regularly now. He's a darn nice guy. You'll meet him.

You have to think of her as... You have to treat her like a sister.

We can't have you, uh... Oh, no, I won't.

It's important.

How can you afford to keep them? They must cost a lot of money.

Yeah. Well, the state sends us $60 a month to where they're bored.

It's not what they eat, even.

But we make a home for them.

Yeah.

We were coming through New Mexico. The air conditioner wasn't working.

Of course, who needs it in Nebraska? But by the time we got to El Centro, it was

burning hot.

That's your first stop in California is El Centro.

What do you do your first stop in California? You buy a glass of orange

juice, right?

Never.

Whatever you do, never buy orange juice at the Greyhound bus station in El

Centro, California. It was god-awful. It was the worst. It was the worst single

paper cup of orange juice I've ever had in my life.

It's not native to El Centro.

Orange juice.

Can't grow there.

Gila monsters you could buy.

Navajo blankets, moccasins, turquoise earrings, Apache tears.

You could buy there.

That's it.

Of course, even getting to El Centro is a nightmare.

I mean, you know California.

You've seen the pictures. Palm trees, sunsets, swimming pools, oceans,

mountain springs. Your first five hours, five and a half, you're treated to the

world's most barren desolation.

the mojave desert telephone poles are stuck into big hunks of asphalt to hold

them upright the asphalt is boiling and you think this is california oh

wow who does the pr on this place and it was 105 degrees

it's march i want you to know march and it's 105.

In Nebraska, it was 47, and it was a warm day when I left. I know. I

remember.

She worked there.

What I've heard about Ronnie is that Dad met her and dated her. He was still

married.

Sometime during that time, he was still married to Mother. As a private

secretary to the attorney for the state.

State's attorney. Same difference. And maybe they came out here together.

Maybe not.

He said he'd send for us.

Mother and me.

He ran off. Out to here.

Okay.

She never blamed him.

A wonderful man.

And an interesting job.

So you, uh, you do shorthand and all that, then?

Oh, yeah.

I'd like to forget it.

It's kind of like riding a bicycle. You can't.

They let the secretaries run the country, I think.

From my experience.

Probably they do.

I've got to get along.

How come?

Doug's on the night shift, so he has days off.

I can still get in half a day yet.

Good. You've done her bitches.

Yeah.

Can't tell you how much I've wanted you here.

He has, Alan.

I tried. I wrote once or twice. Your mother, I don't know.

She thought I was...

He's trying to kidnap you or some damn thing.

She wouldn't let you come.

He cried.

It's the only time I've ever seen him.

So bad I can't tell you.

He said he had to go.

He worked the night shift. He could get in half a day yet.

That it was great having me here, finally.

We dreamed about it.

That's going to be your room.

Good. The patio will go out here.

You've seen the garden, the living room, the TV.

I wish it were in the cabinet.

I can't stand a naked eye staring at me.

We hardly ever watch it.

Doug watches the fights and the ball games in the afternoons.

Can I can watch the games in the afternoon?

That's the darkroom over there.

Well, I didn't know that I

Want

an award on that last year They can actually with a red filter

looking straight into the Sun it called sunspot Sun here the reflection here the

way this Sun hits the water.

It's a bitch of a shot to make because of the glare and the reflection.

You have to know what you're doing.

This is a professional enlarger. That's as good as I make it.

Doug went through a woodworking phase about five years ago. So we have a table

saw and a lathe and all of that.

He'll build a patio this summer.

Not by myself, I won't.

Not now that I have some help, right? I'd love to.

So you developed your own film?

Yep, developed, uh, print and large to any size, all in the same room, whole

work.

You know, it's not difficult. It's, uh, it's damn exacting everything.

Mount Helix with a cross.

Mount Ote.

Isn't that god-awful?

Over there nearly in Mexico.

Where are they all?

Jerry's 12 and he's a little me.

Only fatter, a little.

Jack, uh, uh...

brush ape uh renegade jerry and i look a little alike jack takes after ronnie

except for the eyes penny is a dope she's great she's a dope

carol is gorgeous i want you to get down there you can

get a job you're going to be going to school it costs you know Well, I wanted

to work and pay my wage. Wish to God we could, Alan. I'm bored to pay your wage.

We can't. We just can't. We'll help, sure, all we can.

No. I wanted to.

I said I would.

Hell, it's healthy.

All the kids out of state work part-time anyway.

Earn their keep.

Shit.

We'll have to get you a car, won't we?

You drive?

Yeah, fairly well. Get you a little Austin or one of those. What do you

think? What can I say?

I think it's great. Well, go out and look.

You've got to have a car to get you to school, don't you? I ain't going to

drive you in and squire you in. Hell, you don't want to have to take a bus

every morning, huh?

There'll be a scene soon.

Those who are confused will say, thank God, something to watch. Maybe everybody

will stop flying around.

Guess you're going to want to get some sleep soon.

Before too long. I couldn't sleep on the bus.

Almost broke my neck.

You want to go right now?

No. Whenever you're ready.

Can I have another cup of coffee?

He's talked about you so much.

I didn't know about you when we were first married.

He told me the first night was quite a shock.

I didn't even know we'd been married.

He cried.

He wanted to bring you out here, and I wanted you, too. But your mother... She

was right, don't you think?

Yes.

It's better this way.

You're not torn apart, half in one place, half in another.

He missed you so much.

That's why he wanted another kid right away.

You're not shocked or embarrassed by talking to you frankly.

No.

No, God, no.

It's a relief.

Jack has a birthday party coming up. His eighth.

Two dozen local hellions.

You'll want to escape from that, I imagine.

Maybe you and Jerry could go to the movies or something.

He considers himself far too adult for that crowd.

Of course, he's 11.

No, please.

12 and a half.

He stretches it a bit.

He was born on Christmas Day.

You knew that?

Yeah, but that's all.

I'd met them just once, years ago.

Jack was four, Jerry seven.

Dad and the kids came to town, and it was arranged that if a friend of my

mother's came along, we'd all go to the zoo in Omaha.

And for a picnic, which I remember as the most horrible experience of my

younger life.

Me not knowing what was happening and everyone worried about how I was going

to react and just knowing that I didn't want any of it.

And I couldn't get it through my head how any of these people could be related

to me.

And I was freezing to death, which is all I really remember.

It was November and the animals.

I had their winter coats and were ugly anyway.

Do you want to see him?

Don't wake them.

No, you'll meet him in the morning.

That's Jerry.

He has asthma and he snores like a tank.

Of course, Jack could sleep through anything.

Well, of course he's cute. He looks like me.

He's the hairy one. He takes that from my brother.

Just look at those arms.

He has hair all over him. Blonde.

Like a white, little white orangutan or something.

Penny. On whom the plot will pivot, such as it is.

Pleased to meet you.

I have heard a lot about you.

And I feel like I should bow.

They didn't know anything. It was all conjecture.

Penn is a science major and very serious about it. Well, I'm not that serious

about it.

What do you want to do with it? Well, I'll probably teach.

I like kids, I guess.

I couldn't teach if they paid me. I understand they don't.

California's not bad. They pay well here.

I guess I've heard that.

Do you want something to eat?

No.

I gotta go to bed. Did you see Rose?

Uh, mm-hmm. She's giving up politics.

She's learning to play the guitar.

Penny Date's the best-looking boy in the college.

He really is.

He's a tennis pro.

Well, he's not a pro.

Well, not pro, but he will be.

He was in the Olympics.

They play tennis in the Olympics?

Oh, sure.

Or maybe it was skiing because he skis. His dad has got a lodge out in Colorado.

Carol and I.

Carol and me.

Oh, damn.

Carol and I are both going with millionaires.

Well, not really, but they have a lot of money.

Phil drives a Pontiac convertible.

It is so beautiful. I feel super driving around in it.

Especially the way that he drives.

Why? How does he drive?

I don't know.

Conspicuously.

I mean, the top is never up unless it's raining.

I've had a cold since I've known him.

Do you mind if I go on to bed?

No. No, if you're sleepy. Because I am.

I could talk to you tomorrow.

Okay.

Um, Ronnie, is, um, Carol in yet? No. God knows. She's out with Sonny.

Oh, good night.

And that's all of Penny that night. That first night. That's it. But more.

There's more.

I want to tell you about Carol.

I sat there sober-faced and believed every word.

Well, I had to tell him something, right?

I mean, the girl was a whore, let's face it.

Trichinosis.

Well, I couldn't think of a medical sounding name I could remember.

When did you know?

Not for years. You can lie to me, I'll believe anything.

Of course, I didn't know if he'd buy it or not.

I said...

Trichinosis is something you get from eating pork.

Well, one kind.

Similar, but much worse.

And very rare.

And I thought with all those sailors, he might believe she'd gotten anything.

And it doesn't show up on the boy.

But he passes.

He's a carrier.

Right.

And he passes it on to the next girl, who might be someone he likes very much,

Alan, and respects. And I bought that.

I've got this. Smile plastered on my kitchen and this look of concern. I

didn't care if this girl had last-day syphilis. I was dying there in the

middle of the kitchen my first night.

Anyway, I made Carol sound like a very unattractive sleeping arrangement.

Doug used to talk about you.

I was only five.

I know, but he loves children.

I think Doug should have had a girl.

He would have been a better father to her.

You should see him with the neighbor girls.

He really loved them.

I didn't tell her that I had a sister.

I thought about it, but I didn't say anything.

That's what I was thinking about a lot that first night.

I had a sister who was born dead. It would have been Dad's only daughter.

He was out every night until God knows what hour, and he'd come in with

lipstick all over his shirt.

Mother was pregnant.

And he'd swear that it was somebody's sister, and she'd check out his story,

and the guy wouldn't even have a sister.

It's like he didn't even bother to make the story convincing.

And then he would rage at her for not believing him and for spying behind his

back.

That's what he meant by at him all the time, snooping at his heels.

So Mother got her labor pains one night while Dad was out.

And this was eight months along only.

So she called a friend of dad's to see if he knew where dad was. This guy's

name was Carl. So Carl and his wife drove him out of the hospital.

And the baby was born dead.

Stillborn.

She said that she didn't much care at the time.

It wasn't even buried. They don't consider that it ever lived.

I don't know.

I do know that...

that Carl beat the shit out of Dad, and after that he left, so that if you

thought that he was guilty about leaving me or wanted another son, probably not.

He wasn't going with me.

Well, even if he was, you didn't know.

It was a full year after that. Yeah, we'd been in California a year.

He'd met Ronnie, came back afterwards, and that's when they went together.

A year after he'd left.

She said.

I didn't ask Dad.

It doesn't matter.

Anyway, that's what I was thinking about a lot that first night, or trying not to

think about.

And, you know, trying not to blame him.

She would have been four years younger than me.

Thirteen.

What time is it? It's after two.

I'm falling on my face.

Go on to bed. It's all right.

Are you going to wait up for Dad?

No, no. He doesn't expect you to wait up.

You won't need more covers than that. Not here.

Good night, Alan.

I'll see you tomorrow.

I won't wake him.

Doug gets up early. He never sleeps more than four or five hours.

Good Lord.

Don't worry. We'll let you sleep.

Everyone keeps their own hours.

Speaking of which...

I

know it's late. I wasn't watching.

Where's Alan?

Did he come?

Yes, he came.

Doug here?

He went on to work.

Went to work?

I have a vivid imagination.

But it fails me when I try to conjure up what you do out there until... Oh,

Ronnie, would you stop it?

Just stop it already. No, he doesn't lay me.

No, never. Not once. Will you look at my hands? For God's sake, do you think I

can stand it?

Carol's problem.

Never thought she could cut it.

And I am very much in love with a rich Texas Catholic.

And he has land.

Lots of land.

Principles that I never even knew were principles.

And I used to take downs, but pills are wrong, of course, so I promised him that

I wouldn't take them anymore.

Right.

And he makes out so damn beautifully.

And I can't come down with pills, so I claw my hands, the palms of my hands

apart.

Shit, Carol.

Maybe he's been starting a war about it.

I cut them off yesterday.

I'll cut them even more tonight, but that won't help, because I'll bite my

lip or something. Carol, I can't get a hold of... I'm very lenient.

And I know you can wrap me around your little finger.

I know you had to do that in order to get anything.

Don't make excuses for me. For God's... Carol, I want to say something.

I know you want to stay here for the next eight or whatever months till

you're 18, and I want you to.

But if I see one pill, one of your tranquilizers, I'll report it.

It's something I can't tolerate. I've got two young sons here.

I can't risk him taking something by mistake. You don't have to tell me that.

You think Sonny would stand for it? He's a lot better police dog than you,

believe me. Now, if I know that you're taking him, I'll feel obliged to tell

Sonny as well as the welfare team. You don't have to tell anybody any goddamn

thing. Because I promised him.

You know what that means? That I didn't need them.

Do your hands hurt?

Yes, they're like... Fire. Let me put something on. I'll do it.

You're supposed to be bawling me out.

You can't, Ronnie.

I can get out of anything. I'm a master.

You're also a myth.

You're telling me.

Let me put something on. No.

You haven't seen me up with iodine, have you?

It's salve, not iodine.

I'll do it.

You're not that bad, are you?

You waiting up for Doug?

No, he'll be in.

Alan's in my room?

For tonight. We'll arrange something.

Let me flop somewhere.

Put something on your hands.

That's sad.

I will.

Good night.

Carol.

Don't stay out so late.

They want you in by 12.

I won't, Ronnie.

You're great.

I'm sorry, I won't.

Good night.

She will.

And I don't blame her.

He's all she's got, Sonny.

She's on probation with the state and us and Sonny, too.

Are you awake?

Huh? Good morning.

Morning?

Is it morning?

Almost.

You always get up this early?

I woke up.

It isn't daylight yet, is it?

No. Sunday.

It's real bright out.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's okay. It's okay. I believe you.

Are you Jerry or Jack?

Jack's asleep.

And you would be 12 and a half, right?

Right. I'll be 13. Christmas Day.

All right.

What's the matter with your head?

I think it has something to do with the altitude.

Are we at sea level?

No. 1,380 feet.

That's Mount Helix.

How do you know that?

Study geography?

No, there's a sign on the highway.

Oh.

You want some aspirin? Where's the highway?

About two blocks from here. You have any, you think?

What?

Aspirin.

Oh, I thought you meant, did I have any highways?

Yeah, sure, I'll get you one.

Could you bring me three if you have plenty?

Well, you shouldn't take more than one.

Oh, no, no, no.

That's okay, honey. I always take three.

Two doesn't do me any good, and four makes me sick.

Jerry, what time is it?

Seven o'clock already.

Oh, God.

I didn't get to bed till three or something.

Do adults need eight hours sleep?

Eight or ten.

You know, I like you.

I didn't know if I would or not.

But I do.

You're nice.

How come you didn't come to live with us a long time ago?

I like you, too.

Gary?

So I didn't sleep, I guess.

Not much that first night. And the last thing that I wanted to do... You make

your application and take about ten minutes time.

Then we'll drive over and take a peek at that ocean you haven't seen.

The personnel manager at Ryan Aeronautical hated me on sight.

With no love lost.

Do we have to go today?

I can hardly see.

Well, he's going on a month's vacation.

Tomorrow. I can process you while he's gone. You won't start working for a

month. Buy now, pay later.

Well, maybe I... Maybe I could do something else. I don't know.

Grocery clerk or something?

Well, what do you want, boy? It's up to you. You want to make enough money to go

to school? Thanks, Penny.

Or you want to go to the movies?

I'll tell you what. We'll all go. We'll go on to the beat later.

It didn't take long.

He said we had two divisions of engineering personnel, temporary and

full-time. I said I much prefer the former.

He said there was a greater possibility of being hired in the latter.

And that was that.

So...

Providing I'm not lying about having never been a member of the Communist

Party, I'll be set.

I start in a month or so.

As soon as he gets back.

The Aeronautical Engineer Training Center riveting truth.

How can you manage full-time work and full-time school?

So he'll go part-time to school until he can get on temporary at the plant.

No, no.

No, wait, wait. If you can work...

Both full-time. Why not?

If you're serious about working down there, they got a scholarship program.

You get yourself into, uh, electrodynamics, something like that,

they'll pay the bill all the way. But I'm only in my second term. I don't know

what I want. Well, don't be negative. You're gonna give it a fair shake.

All I'm saying, you know, objectively, what's happening in the world today?

Huh? Hmm?

We're shooting rockets into space.

We got the hydrogen bomb, the cobalt bomb, atomic submarines.

They're bouncing radio signals off Mars, Venus.

Physicists looking at the sunspots, predicting the weather.

Every field. What you need, Alan? I don't know anything about it. Physics.

Physics, by God.

Sounds like a good book.

Well, yeah, you can joke around about it. It's just, all I'm saying is, if I

was a kid today, it would take me three minutes.

Hell, three seconds make up my mind.

Engineering.

Electrodynamics.

Just to have to open your eyes.

Huh?

And of course, the head is worse.

But the ocean, hmm.

I've lived 800 miles from it my whole life.

Hey, you, you nut. Get over here.

This is the other one. This is Jack.

Can you see his arms?

They're all covered with white hair. He's our little white orangutan.

He's had straight A's since the day he was born. Yeah.

And he's a smart ass. I mean, Alec.

Yeah. Yet.

What's an Alec?

I don't know, but you are one.

Don't you wish you had a smart answer for all those simple-minded, great

questions that he asked? Like, an Alec is a thingamajig without its

whatchamacallit. And you're going to be one if you keep asking... Jack, Jack.

First Ocean, the Pacific.

Real salt.

I almost had to believe it. To taste it, to be sure.

Jerry on one side, Jack on the other, me in the middle.

A picture of the three grandchildren to send to my grandmother.

Doug's mother wrote back, said she didn't believe it.

That wasn't Alan between those two kids.

That was Douglas when he was 17.

How can you tell when to turn it off?

You have to know what you want.

The less you expose it, the lighter it is.

The more you're explosive, the darker.

Just burn it in there.

When did you take these? A couple of months ago.

You're just now getting around to burning them up?

Yeah, got no time.

Look at that. Look at that. Look at that. Don't crowd. Don't crowd me now.

Don't crowd.

Look at those boobs.

She isn't the least bit overdoing it. What do you talk with a butt like that?

Can't miss that, can you?

That's too much for you.

Got a lot to get a hold on there.

Doug's mother wrote and said that that wasn't Alan.

That was Doug when he was 17.

I told you, what did I say?

That was Douglas when he was 17.

That's what I said.

By God, you can't, no matter what anybody anywhere says, you can't.

Wait till we get you flying by in a flashy M.G. M.G.? Horse, possum, one of

those. Blue?

Red, hell, red, man. What are you talking?

Compromise, purple.

Huh?

What do you think, Douglas?

It's called a duck's tail.

What the hell do you want a duck's ass in the back of your head for?

It's beautiful.

It is.

It's just what I've always wanted. A big old family.

It's great.

I'm only a head.

And you're whatever you are. Thought I'd take the hair off?

Together we're strong.

More powerful than... What are they?

Dope. Oh, yell it out, Penny.

Get us all kicked out of here.

Dope. Good God.

Of course, we're immediately in a conspiracy.

You know the paint got little boys' bray on little model airplanes? Yes, I know.

Smells like ether. It could kill you if you breathe. I said yes. Well, that's

dope.

Dope.

There, a very innocent-sounding P-I-L-L called Milleril.

One of the seven wonder drugs.

You're going to ask what it does? Well, it does wonders.

Are they strong?

Stronger than I am.

It's not gonna last.

What do you want a duck's ass in the back of your head for?

You want it all swirled up around like that? Makes you look like, I don't know

what, some kind of a high school punk or around... Penny's what's-it?

You don't like it?

Doug, you're... Queer. You can't get around it.

What are you talking about? It makes him look like a front-door cowboy.

Doug, you don't know your ass.

Who are you telling about ass?

Phil even wears his hair like that.

Oh, Miss Innocence.

Well, we just won't talk about the way your boyfriends do anything.

Dad combs his hair straight back.

And that's since the day he was born.

It's the only way to comb your hair.

But wait.

Let's go back.

It's been just 24 hours, and the head is still beating.

And it's all going too fast.

In six months, I'll be sleeping in a park in Chicago with a letter in my

pocket from Ronnie telling me that Carol is dead.

But who would know that now?

We're sitting down to eat outside.

California. No, it's not thunder.

Feel it?

No. Yes.

Good God.

You get used to it. It doesn't bother the natives.

If it thunders, they run out in the street. They think the world is coming

to an end.

It feels like you felt it in the cities when a big loaded lumbering diesel rolls

by outside. Or if you live near the subway.

and the whole building, all the walls and the chair you're sitting in, give a

gentle, prolonged shudder.

That's it.

Only there's no truck going by.

It just happens of its own accord.

There.

That's all.

Same song, second verse.

As the poet said, it couldn't be better, but it's going to get worse.

March, April, May, or June, or July, or August.

Everything goes well enough.

But it's complicated.

It's difficult to leave well enough alone.

Because well enough is an intolerable state to be in. Take it from me.

I'm home today for... Oh, wow.

Home.

And it is. It really is.

For a short time, a very short time longer.

My last class is at three, usually, so I can go straight to work from school.

Today is Saturday.

Work. No school.

Work. So I can spend some time home before we leave for work at five.

Penny and Carol are on vacation.

It's summer.

Two momentous events have elapsed.

Dad. Has developed an absolute passion for milk.

And he's teaching penny photography.

Well, not photography.

Isn't anything to learn except point and snap.

I'm learning developing and printing.

You like it?

Sure. Fascinating.

I'm a little bit sick of seeing that red, white, and blue bikini in every

picture we print.

Dad has this bikini that he takes along to all his sessions with the girls. It's

pathetic. An entire session is taken up with, apparently, we only see the

pictures, with first coaxing her into it and then nearly out of it. And she

unties it here or she pushes it down there or else she doesn't, which is even

funnier. It is awful.

It's cotton and tacky and just ugly as it can be.

I'm surprised he hasn't got you posing for him by now.

Oh, honey.

I'm on to that crap.

He squires down those dames to the beach in that stupid car.

Chevy convertible. Nothing but big cars in this play.

He took a million pictures of me.

I'm not photogenic.

He didn't even notice it. It's all in his head. He never notices.

Slobbering around.

You got nice eyes.

You got nice legs.

You got nice hips.

Kid the creep.

Probably he just wanted you to... He wanted in my pants.

It was humiliating.

When a girl 17 has to tell a man 45 to grow up, something's wrong.

I just found it repellent and I told him.

Not in those words, I hope.

Yes, in those words.

Doug, grow up. You're repellent.

Listen.

Half the foster fathers I've had have tried to make me since I was six.

It's not my scene.

Men are idiots.

They knew what they looked like. They'd all march into the scene in a line like

Lemmings.

It isn't Lemmings. It's Lemmings.

You're terrific.

I think you're my favorite sister.

You can go to hell, too.

I went to one outing with Dad.

And I've got the 35mm Leica that Dad has lent me, barely explaining how to use

the damn thing.

And all the guys are frisking around this one gal. She's on a Mexican

Serapi, and they're practically having heart attacks. They're like, clickety,

clickety, clickety, clickety, clickety, clickety, clickety, clickety, clickety.

All around like a plague of locusts. They're all jockeying for the best

position to shoot straight down her breasts, which...

are pumpkins and and and and and and they're all giving her okay baby yeah

uh-huh all right that's it that's it honey yeah now let's see what's your

lip okay now wet them again right now now slack

okay now now now toss your head now now now now just let everything go to hell

pouch indignant hate

That's insane.

Now just give us one big sexy kiss.

I'm standing there with this dumb damn Wicca going.

Oh, I don't know. Could you maybe just sort of smile?

I know that whole scene.

Hey, Alan.

How come you didn't show up? What? Huh? Where?

This guy's beautiful, isn't he?

Where?

I mean, this wasn't important, but he'd forget if it was.

You should head on tight.

We wouldn't want you losing that. Yeah, I think so. What did I forget?

Club meeting yesterday afternoon.

Well, nothing happened. I mean, you can go to them or not.

Suit yourself.

A few times I have gone. You couldn't believe.

Stanley tells me you're not coming to work.

Something like three days in the last week you missed a while back. What was

that? Three days?

No. Maybe two once, but not three.

Oh, what the hell's so important? The days I don't drive you in, you're just

not showing up?

I have to squire you in? I have been.

Kid's a good worker.

Picks things up fast.

But you can't just keep missing days. I do more in three days than most of these

guys do in three weeks.

But they're getting five days pay in your night.

You should watch the shop store sometime.

Oh, wow.

I thought your department sat around on their retired duffs.

Retired duffs? No, wait, hold on. There are a few government jobs that are very

important stuff.

Oh, right, right, right, right. Government jobs is flying for doing

something of your own. I went in the other day.

I went in the other day. Two different guys.

We're making mailboxes. One guy was repairing his wife's mix master. But

they're paying you to come to work five days a week. That's what they're paying

you for. Paying me by the hour. Maybe one week. I missed a couple of days

because of tests at school. I had to cram.

Well, hell, I don't know. Learn to study crap.

Organize yourself, man.

Dad's booked up for me down there. He thinks I'm giving him a bad name, taking

off. I'm a beatnik.

They want you there five days a week.

They don't give a damn if you stand on your head or sit on your panty. They

don't care.

Just... As long as you show up. You know, I don't miss that much, really.

Just see that you get whatever it is you have to do done today so we can leave on

time, huh?

I'm not going to come waiting around for you.

What do you do when you hear that? You decide right there that you're not going

to go, right?

You think it's funny, huh?

You want to do it now?

Later. Want to do it now? We'll do it now. Come on, come on. Let's do it now.

We'll get to it later.

Penny.

We're gonna work right after lunch, okay?

Whenever.

I...

I keep on asking him to print up some of his pictures of the Grand Canyon or

something.

But it's always those darn girls.

Girls are so stupid to do that.

I mean, I guess they think of a career, but... Wow, that is so

stupid.

It's no worse, though. I'm always imagining my wedding. Do you do that?

Who are you thinking about marrying?

Well, I'm not.

I don't want to get married.

I'd like to be a scientist just as much. I picture that, too.

Penny has a very rich fantasy life.

Well, I do. I think it's healthy.

I see myself in one of these white lab coats, a bunch of bubbly test tubes

coiled all around, analyzing blood and making notations. Blood?

Good God, you've got the most morbid damn sense of duty.

Do you like being away from Sonny as much as you like being with him?

What?

Really, it's funny, but sometimes when I'm with Phil, I think that I would

really rather not be.

So I could be away from him, wanting to be with him.

You like Phil, don't you?

He's nice, isn't he?

Do I? I don't know him.

You went to school with him before he graduated. I didn't.

Carol goes to Grossmont, then he goes to El Cajon. I thought he was a suck-up

jerk.

My gosh, why don't you like Phil?

Good grief, all we can ever talk about is Sonny. I don't even like Texas.

I don't even know what a herfer looks like. I bet you don't either.

She used to talk about all of Sonny's beautiful black Anguses.

She didn't know if they were horses or automobiles.

Are you going to marry Sonny?

I hope to hell.

I'm not going this far at such unimaginable expense and wind up...

I'm going to invite all my scores and wear white.

I can't wait.

Where is my baby oil?

I bet I'd spend a fortune just from losing.

Penny, why don't you put on a swimsuit? You're just going to bake.

No, I'm not staying.

You're driving me nuts out here dressed up like an Eskimo.

Put some oil on my back.

You don't need that stuff.

I feel like it's skin.

One of those things you put over your eyes.

Plastic spoons.

I knew a girl once went blind from sunbathing with plastic spoons over her

eyes. They melt.

You're going to be...

Solid brown with white eyelids. Oh, do you shut up?

I'm going to stop this now because I think that you're enjoying this in all

the wrong ways.

I don't understand.

I thought I'd probably expose myself to turkey nose.

He went in and watched him.

He did not.

Any pills today?

Who counts anymore?

Three or four so far, and that's pretty far.

You shouldn't take those and lie in the sun. Oh, God.

The things you're opposed to, you're worth some money. I'm not opposed to

them. You just shouldn't, that's all.

I ain't gonna die farting over those damn boots on.

Jerry, Jerry, don't say damn in front of your brother.

You won't be old enough to say that for 15 years yet. Why not?

If you've got a few years to go.

Lady killer.

What can I say if I can't say that? How racy should it be?

Pretty racy.

Well, why don't you try...

Nope, nope.

Okay, how do I know if they're acceptable?

Okay, you come to me, whisper them in my ear.

If they happen not to be acceptable, I'll wash your mouth out with soap.

Hey,

hey, get over here.

What are you, crazy?

What do you say?

It will be excused. Yes, you may. Don't tear the house down.

The kids on the block have a bucket brigade of profanity. Well, I wouldn't

want them to turn out like Alan's buddies from up at State.

All potatoes and no meat. Look like they're made out of unbaked dough.

Hell, they even talk like it.

My friends? What do you talk? My friends swear like sailors.

That's part of the emancipated young adult jargon. Well, I'd be surprised if

they knew what it meant.

You know, we dropped him off the other morning.

Oh, yeah, sometime last month you dropped me off. Two weeks ago, Friday.

Compromise, purple.

You see, I think that's the funniest line in the play. He introduced Ronnie

and me to a few of them.

There was Joan and Sasha and Owen.

And don't they ever get out into the sun?

Into the sun?

Oh, my God, are you kidding? Into the sun?

I discovered there's this whole beautiful, poetical, intellectual

coterie that wouldn't be caught dead in the sun. They're great, but they're

nuts. They're like the Castilian Spanish.

The whiter you are, the brighter you are.

They're nuts, but you love them for it.

A lot of the young kids up at State... Young? Young them?

Man, they're on their pensions. Who are you trying to kid? They're cadavers.

Ronnie, did you read... Carol, did you read this magazine thing they put out at

State? No. Huh? No.

That's what I'm talking about, Ronnie. You take a look at that sunlight. You

tell me if it turns you on.

What he's saying, Alan, is it doesn't stack up to his garage collection of the

complete Earl Stanley Gardner.

Listen, Twit, unless you read those books, just don't knock them, huh?

You know, people are a darn sight more interested in light than they are in

plants and creepy ferns, creepy shadows, creepy creeps. Nobody reads the damn

magazine except your creepy college would-be poets.

I didn't even graduate high school. I bet I could take any one of them on in

anything, except arithmetic.

Dad and I are both rotten with figures.

Some figures.

Probably you could.

You damn betcha.

What do they retain? History? Huh?

I bet you don't know the, uh, precedents of the United States, your own country,

do you?

Hmm?

No. God, no.

I only know the, uh, the capitals of the states because I had a jigsaw puzzle.

And, uh, the vice presidents?

No, I don't know any of the vice presidents.

Well, I don't suppose eight out of the ten thousand of them know them either.

Who was Washington's vice president?

I don't know. First vice president of the United States.

I said no, I'm stupid.

Adams? Right.

Only that's it.

Washington Adams.

Adams Jefferson. Jefferson Byrd.

Jefferson Clinton, Madison Clinton, Madison Jerry, Monroe Thornton, Adams

Calhoun, Jackson Calhoun, Jackson Van Buren, Van Buren Johnson, Harrison

Tyler. Oh, that's great. That's great. That's Tyler of Tippecanoe and Tyler Too

fame? That's right.

Who was Teddy Roosevelt's first vice president?

Cleveland Stevenson.

McKinley, Hobart.

McKinley, Roosevelt. Roosevelt, nobody. Roosevelt, Fairbanks.

Taft, Sherman.

Wilson, Marshall.

Harding, Coolidge.

Coolidge, Dawes.

Roosevelt, Garner.

Roosevelt, Wallace.

Roosevelt, Truman.

Terrible. Look at that.

Tore it right across my ear. What?

The picture Dad took of us.

Doug, you didn't tear that up, did you? What?

Tore what? I wanted a print of that.

What? That's no good. Your mother loved it. I told you what she said.

Well, mother, bless her heart, doesn't know much about photography.

I don't either, but I wanted one. No, I tore it up. It wasn't any good. The

light was bad.

I'll print it up again.

You never even intended to.

How do you know what I intended to do and what I didn't intend to do, huh?

That's the only picture we had of him. You haven't taken a picture of the

boy... The lousy picture.

The light was bad.

It's a bad print. I'll print it up again.

It's a nut shot, for God's sake.

Penny, you gonna help or not?

Yeah, I will.

I really wanted that. All right, now, that's enough about the goddamn picture.

I've had it with you, mister.

Along about this time, a poet of local fame...

At school who had left state a few years earlier came back for a visit for a day

or so I've tried to remember what he wrote but outside of a firm conviction

that he was the most brilliant person that I had ever met and wrote more

perfectly than of I Can't remember

a word in any case and that's odd it was probably More lines about creepy ferns

and creepy shadows for creepy creeps.

I do know that we talked.

And that we walked up into a landscape.

Into the burned forest.

Looked like the moon.

Charred, mesquite, and ashes six inches deep. The brush.

Some of it, the fire had gone through it so quickly that some of it stood like

ashes on a cigarette.

Three feet high.

The white negative of the brush completely intact. And you touched it

and it disintegrated.

And into the woods that were saved to commune with

what was left of nature.

And after three afternoons of walking, I spent two days in my room.

And when I returned to school, the poet had gone.

He left.

He wasn't around.

Doug and I had a terrible argument about you last night.

What?

Wait a second, I'm not getting the drift of what you're saying.

Actually, he argued.

He said, if you'll excuse the expression,

you hadn't had a piece of ass since you've been here.

I hadn't what?

You saw that gang of doughballs he was hanging out with at school?

I'm not so sure he's quite hanging out with them.

Well, I'm not saying what he's doing with them.

But I know what he's not doing.

When's he been out on a date, hmm?

And squiring Cookie to the local movie in El Cajon and back twice. What the

hell is that, huh? You can hardly expect him to go for Cookie.

I mean, Cookie's hardly the freshest thing on the block.

And it's a small block.

When's he gone out?

Well, when's he had time?

He's got full-time work and full-time school.

Ah, summer term. Everybody else on vacation. He hangs around the house. He

hangs around school.

He hasn't had a piece of ass since he's been here.

Well...

He's been here four or five months.

I don't know. Well, nothing.

He's not getting anything from that gang of dishwater dames up at school. I'll

tell you that.

If he is, he ought to be ashamed of himself.

Gee, what's the matter with him? Hadn't he got a libido?

I don't think you're proud of him for... Proud of what?

Well, he doesn't drink. He doesn't scoot around on a motorcycle.

He's no... Well, maybe he should. You know, I told him he could have the car

any time he wanted. He's never asked for it once.

Whenever are you not using it?

Plenty is the answer to that. Plenty.

You also promised him a new Austin. He hadn't seen that.

Not on your damn life. Not until he shows some interest.

When am I going to get a car to rust in the driveway?

I drove out to the damn lot.

He looked around mildly. Came back saying he liked them all.

Started taking a bus to school. Now, what the hell is that?

When would I have time?

That's what I said.

Still. I don't see that it's any of his business anyway. Good God.

I told him he didn't have a detective on your tail.

How could he know?

Tail is funny.

I'm not going to break him in like some kind of hunting dog.

Chop a quail into his mouth, have him spit it out till I can teach him what it

is. He isn't stupid.

What man doesn't know where the hunt is?

I don't want to tell you.

It just isn't living, though, Ronnie.

Life is for living.

The best is none too good.

About a hundred times Mom's told me that. Your dad always said the best is

none too good. The best is none too good.

She used to say I was like him a lot. You're like him a lot.

She's right, damn it.

More right every day I live.

He isn't like me.

Not on your life, he isn't.

Maybe I got into some trouble. Maybe I got with some kids that were a bad

influence. I don't say it was an angel, but... I knew where the food was. I knew

where my hands were.

If I knew what I had, I knew where to put it to.

And I had women. I mean, real women.

First woman I had was 35 years old. I was a kid 15. Don't think she didn't

teach fast.

I'm younger now than he is.

And I grew up in the same goddamn two-bit Nebraska town he did, so don't

pull that.

I don't think it's at all unusual for a boy 17 to be more interested. I don't

want to hear it. I don't want to hear it.

I'm younger now than he is now.

You squeal around the corner with a girl's hair flying out. By God, she is

all over you.

Wiggle into behind and you're left.

By God, you pull right over the curb. You let her have it right there.

Or you pull into a garage or a lot, a parking lot.

What's he going to do?

He's going to take a cheap bottle of booze in some wet hotel room?

What does he know? I never went to one cheap hotel room with a bottle of cheap

booze in my life. You think I want to sit around on those swayback mattresses?

Huh?

Fern holes all over the furniture varnish, glass circles, God knows what

laid what there.

Out in the grass, alongside the road,

under nature's clean sky with the wind blowing and the stars and all that sweet

smell of lipstick.

Beaches at night are lined up.

Worthy, huh?

Ronnie, he's 18 years old.

What's he doing?

Well, tell him, honey. Don't tell me.

I'm not interested in seducing young girls. His mother stunted him. She

neutered him. She stunted him. His hair... All right, all right. He's an

all right looking guy. Not bad. He could be.

Let those two damn phony girls get a hold of him. Twist his hair up like a

pretzel.

Curled up like some kind of a rock and roll singer.

That's what the girls are going for nowadays.

Oh, nowadays.

Ronnie, hair that long all curled up like that, I can't sit at the table with

them without wanting to throw up.

Like the matching ball nowadays.

Women go for men.

That's what they go for. They go for vitality, vigor, exuberance, strength.

They go for men.

What are you talking?

You know, Dad asked me last night to contribute $25.

Each week to the family fund to pay my way around here for room and board.

For 12 years, he didn't pay a red cent toward my welfare, and suddenly I'm a

drain on the budget. I'm under mouth to pee.

God damn.

I don't feel that I should be working for you.

All I bargained for was part-time work and full-time college.

I'm full-time working.

And I can't save up enough money to quit because you people can't afford to keep

me here unless I pay my own way.

Don't you think you should pay toward it, Alan?

Because we can.

We want you to know that.

By God, when I say come to work, I mean it.

What the hell is... Where are you sick?

All over.

I'm not sick. I don't feel like going. I don't feel well. I don't want to go to

work. I got things to do. I don't feel good.

Well... The status says you're never there five days a week.

Now, at least on a day like today, you're frisking around the house all

day. By God, you can go to work. Since when didn't you feel well? Now, what's

wrong? What difference does it make? Listen, listen.

If school gets in the way, you can quit school.

I don't see work getting in the way of school.

You miss the school, too? No, not yet.

Yeah, you mope around like a sick calf.

About time someone put a...

Put a firecracker under your tail, see if there's any life in you. You and

Penny, the whole damn lot of you. Maybe you should take some liver tablets, huh?

Perhaps I should. Yeah.

What's wrong?

I can't be sick.

If I believe it, for any goddamn reason, you can't go in except you don't want

to.

I'm serious now, Alan. I just want to know one thing. What importance is the

job down there? Because I told you to. I said so.

I told you to get ready. I wasn't having you make the whole damn carload of a

slate again.

Are you coming to work or not? No, God damn it, I'm not. I'm not. I don't feel

well, okay? I mean, I told you, I got three chapters to read.

All right, once and for all, I'm not going to say this. You want to stay

here? Answer me.

Yes, yes, that's what I'm saying.

I mean, you want to stay here, live here in this house.

What?

I guess.

By God, if you do, you better know this is my home.

I say here.

I call the shots here.

What I say goes.

Anybody who doesn't like that, they could find a roof over their head

somewhere else. And you better be for learning that fast because I don't take

any shit.

None. None, mister. Not from you. Not from anybody else.

You learn it.

I can't do this. Hell.

It was, um... pounding.

He left.

And, uh... I... I...

Ronnie went down the hall.

blindly turned around and went out into the backyard.

And fell down on the ground and bawled like I never remember bawling before or

since.

Sobbing, I... What was I

thinking?

Well, of course, all the times that I wanted a father and not had one.

And the times that I wanted to live with Dad.

and the struggle that my mother had had during the war working at a garment

factory. And before that, of the things that I can remember, you know, remember

of my father before and what I had been told,

my mom's stories, and my sister who was born dead when he was out with whoever

it was that he was out with.

That had always been my picture of him.

Her walking the floor, him coming in, her crying.

Ronnie was in the house. I was very aware of that.

I expected her to come out and talk to me.

Something.

Ronnie and I were close. We were friends.

If I had left, then...

Where could I have gone? I couldn't consider it.

This is where I'd come to, right to the edge of the continent. I didn't think

about going. I couldn't leave.

I didn't know what we had been fighting about. I quite honestly didn't know, not

then.

Well, neither here nor there.

Finally, I got up, aching, went inside.

I knew you went out.

I knew you were crying.

I didn't look out.

I assumed you wanted your privacy.

I didn't want to embarrass you.

I just... sat.

Tried to sort the wall.

Not to listen.

Cleaned up the bedroom.

Penny had vanished, very unlike her.

Nobody'd seen her all afternoon.

Rose finally called and said that she was over there, which was all right, I

suppose. At least we knew where she was. I went to bed at about 12, and Dad came

home from work. I heard him in the kitchen making scrambled eggs and French

toast or something.

I almost expected him to come in and apologize to me.

All right?

I did expect him to.

I don't know for what.

I couldn't sleep.

And I got up and got dressed after he'd gone to bed.

And I actually went... To a bar. To a deserted bar.

I came home drunk as a lord. I shouldn't have waited up. I woke up and wondered

where you were.

And the next morning, bright and early, Dad's photography club went off to the

mountains.

And I woke up with a hangover.

So, we begin and end, both with a splitting headache.

And Penny... Ronnie. Came home to leave.

Ronnie.

Why did you stay with Rose, Penny?

You know you should call if you decide to leave like that. We were worried

about you.

I can't stay here.

I love you very much, but I will go live with Rose. I already asked them. They

said it was all right.

I didn't tell them why. I wouldn't tell them that.

What's wrong, Penny? You know you can't stay with Rose. That's stupid.

With her mother. I can live with her mother. She can take me.

Ronnie, yesterday afternoon with Doug, we were in the darkroom and working

like always, and he put his arm around me.

He started talking to me, talking to me about how I liked to help him work, what

a good foster father he had been to me, what a good relationship we had.

And...

He kissed my cheek.

I didn't know what to do.

I thought of once when I was about 14, a man tried to put his hand in my lap in a

movie once.

I felt that same way.

He put his hand up under my shirt.

On my stomach.

And try to turn me around and kiss my mouth with his mustache on my cheek.

And I just pulled away.

And got out.

Went out.

I want to leave here.

Well, I don't blame you, honey, but...

You don't have to do that, Penny.

My God, this guy didn't fall in, Henny Penny.

What will he do?

I can't look him in the face.

Ronnie.

I'm gonna pat you.

I don't want to sleep here.

You tell the authorities I'm still here if you want to. They don't know the

difference. They never care anyway.

I don't want to tell him why.

Oh, Penny, stop being so... I mean, it's all so pathetic. I mean, damn, it's just

stupid.

I mean, Penny, for God's sake, look at her.

She hadn't a single quality anyone would go for unless you happen to really

desire pure virginity in the abstract.

I mean, I know her qualities, but I couldn't expect Doug to see them.

Ronnie, I don't want to leave.

I said you didn't have to. I hate Rose. She's fat and stupid and she talks too

much and I hate all her boyfriends. They all have beards.

Oh, do cry if you want to. It's all right.

Go ahead.

Oh, it's absurd. Don't be silly.

What?

We went up into the mountain. this morning.

You can't imagine how beautiful it is.

If you aren't the most ridiculous, childish oaf I've ever seen.

Why is that?

Penny's in there hysterical.

She tells me you made a dumb floppy pass at her in the garage yesterday

afternoon. If you aren't an ass to begin with for thinking she wouldn't come

immediately to me like a shocked virgin and tell me.

Confess to me.

I can't believe you did something like that.

I hope you don't delude yourself into thinking she liked it.

She wants to leave is what she's thinking. She wants to go live with

Rose. I told her it was stupid.

If you don't know better than to upset a girl like that, I swear to God, Doug, if

it's true, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

I left Nebraska because...

I had to. I left to come out here to the promised land because I had to.

And this is the state I'm in.

California.

So much is true here. So much is open. So much is honest.

And so much is impossible to admit.

Even...

Even of what I know is there.

What I realize is there.

In this state.

It's a good enough state to be in.

You know, you hardly even enter my mind.

I had quite a little world going for me there.

People are always entering people's minds at inopportune times. Walk right

in, sit right down.

Daddy, let your hair hang down.

What do you want?

I don't even know.

I liked Doug.

Really, I had never had a father that I remembered.

I know, Penny.

I didn't want to leave.

You didn't have to leave, Penny, my God.

The sky didn't fall in, Henny Penny.

What will he do?

I can't look him in the face, Ronnie.

It's impossible to take seriously.

It's an insult to me, for one thing.

Which, of course, Penny couldn't know, but I'd expect you to see that.

I swear to God, Doug, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

I know I am for you if you're not, or I wouldn't be. Oh, come on, Doug, so you

tried to sneak a quick... Put my arm around her, give her a squeeze.

She's never had a family.

Her life is... Not another night under my house.

That bitch, if she thinks she can choose me... Alan,

I want to talk with you.

Now, this isn't something I want to spread around, but I don't think you're

going to be spreading it.

I don't want to see her face here again.

She can go to Rose. She can go to hell for all I care. She is not going to

spend another night under my roof. Doug, it doesn't matter. Of course it doesn't.

Why the hell it doesn't matter? It matters!

He tried to show affection for someone.

I never touched her.

I didn't go near her.

What is she trying to pull, huh?

And by God, if you believe it, you can go to hell too, for all I care.

Well, I won't have it. I won't have it, by God. I didn't want to cause anything.

Why did you tell him?

Unleave it.

Whole bunch can clear out right now, for all I care. They can get out now.

Why did you tell him?

I didn't say you did. I said Penny said you did.

I think it's funny.

There's nothing to get upset about, Doug. Good God.

What? Tell him.

I didn't touch her.

She says you kissed her all the cheek. She didn't say any more than that. What

would be wrong with that?

A father kissing a daughter? If I had?

I'm supposed to be her father? She never had a family. What the hell would be

wrong with that if I had, which I didn't, by God?

It just isn't important. Well, this is. Alan.

What? This is important.

More than that girl, as far as I'm concerned.

What's wrong? I haven't missed any work, if that's what you're worried about.

Just let me talk, if you will, please, now.

I said I'm going to talk now. Doug is going to talk. I might know something

for a change.

He... I don't know. If I had known then what he was thinking, then perhaps...

Just look at me when I'm talking to you, will you?

You've been avoiding conniving and lying the whole goddamn time you've been here.

Now I'm going to talk.

Doug, it just didn't necessarily... I said, Penny!

You stay. You stay right there.

I'll deal with your lies.

Jerry tells me that you and Phil have been sitting out at the cliffs.

And Phil's sparkling Pontiac.

Last night, the night before that, the night before that.

With Penny and Phil, yes.

I went into work the following day. That doesn't interest me.

I don't care whether you went to work or not. It's your job. You can get fired

from it if you like. I don't care. Is it... Is it true?

What? Is what true, Dad? I don't know what you're getting at. I don't have any

idea at all what you're getting at. You bastards stall for time. You know, don't

you?

Well, I don't see the point.

Yeah, you are.

You are.

Everything fits. It all fits.

Suddenly it dawns. Yeah, and all your pals out at State, they know it too,

huh?

He has to have someone to cover. I'm talking about Phil now.

And you know goddamn well what I'm saying.

He has to have someone cover up for him.

He can't spend all of his time with the sailors from the queer bars downtown.

Everybody else is too wise to fool.

Now, Penny, she won't ask questions.

She has to take what she gets.

And she deserves what she takes.

Now, she's the cover-up for some rich queer, and she's too stupid to ask

questions. And I feel sorry for the lying bitch if she's that stupid.

But you're not dumb.

I thought maybe you had a physical problem or something.

I should have been wise, man.

Sure must be easy for you, huh? Going out with her and Phil. What are you

doing? Holding hands behind her back?

Why? That's not true.

Then what are you doing?

What are you saying?

I'm saying you're through in this house.

Not with my kids. You're not going to make sissies out of my two boys. You're

not going to breathe the air in my house. Not anymore.

That's a lie.

Penny knows better, and Jerry... Penny knows goddamn well it's true. Look at

her. Look at her!

Ask her if he has once tried to lay her or even thought about it. Hell, ask

Carol. Carol knows it. Ronnie knows it. Everybody in the goddamn county knows

it. Everybody's so goddamn afraid of her dissolution, little Penny's feelings.

She lives in some kind of dream world.

He must be laughing himself silly how he must have spit on her. He sure knows a

good thing when he sees it, huh?

Ask Carol.

Well, what if it is true? I mean, what do you mean by saying it? What do you

mean by saying that? Not in my house.

He never touched me. I don't know why you can't leave my sex interest alone or

to myself.

I intend to protect my own. I'm not going to have it. I can't take this.

What do you mean? What are you doing? Get out of here.

Go back to where you came from. We don't need you here. It's been confusing ever

since you got here. You take your invitation, leather suitcase, your

record player, every other goddamn thing you've touched in this house and get

out.

Goddamn you. I'm going to say one thing. Because you're lying.

And you know you are. I don't know why, but you are. And I'm not good at this.

I'm not good at it either.

know what you are you're nothing did all your lies prove that you know you think

the best is none too bad get up and get out of here murderer murderer murderer

i had a sister and you killed

you killed your own daughter trying to be a man that's a lie if that's what you

want to be like then i may have that satisfaction no you killed her you

killed her

Don't say that stuff to me. You can't say that to me. You don't know what I

went through. It wasn't my fault that she fell in love with her. She was born

a bloody dead man. She doesn't know anything about it. Not even human.

Shut up.

Shut up.

Pack your bag and get out of here. I don't care where you go. I don't want to

see your face here anymore. Just get out. Get out.

that you'd had a sister who'd been born dead, Alan.

I'm very sorry.

I don't know what to say.

Oh, I shouldn't have said anything.

I have... What am I... What am I going to do, Ronnie? Nothing

he said is true.

I can't leave you and Jack. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to

do?

Well, I think you'd better go.

Ronnie.

I don't want to talk to you, Doug.

My God, you can't. I just want to lie down. You can't separate a kid from his

father. Where's Jerry?

Outside.

Are you awake?

I just want to lie down.

Good night.

Ronnie, baby, what could I do?

Nothing,

Doug. After this long time. It's all right.

Everything's going to be all right, even after this time. You have to go.

Yeah, I will.

Really, really, forget it. It'll all be over. We'll be better off running.

Sure, Doug.

I just want you to understand.

I don't want to think about it.

Alan, Alan, Alan.

Alan, I want you to know all those years. I know, Dad.

Oh, God, Carol.

I've heard a lot about her. It's all right, baby.

Nothing matters.

I had quite a little work. I don't want you to leave. We just got here.

It's okay, baby.

Really, don't. I'll cry.

Sit right down. It's good to remember that somebody said that.

All those years I wanted to help.

I just want you to understand, Alan. What was I supposed to do, Alan?

Please, take me with you then.

I will, baby.

It's okay, Jack, really.

You're eight years old.

You're a little white orangutan.

Hug me, by God.

Billy, though, let me go with you, Alan. Can I?

Alan? You will, Jack.

Alan? I promise.

Light.