Original subtitles

Previously on X-Men

Hahaha! Don't touch my dial!

In what breakdown are you X-Men going to give this?

Mind-numbed bunch of cooked potatoes and the trillions watching at home?

They want blood, and guts, and love, and hate.

They want entertainment.

Violence and destruction are not forms of amusement.

Trust me, they are this! If you haven't been paying attention in my dimension to get with the program, or get crushed!

Bad light! Bad light!

I saw it!

Yeah. Right.

Why don't you pull in over there?

I'll just be a minute.

Don't take all day! I'm just starting to get good.

I always forget that clutch part.

Hey! Watch out!

Hello, sweetheart. I don't believe we've been introduced.

Wow. Uh-oh.

Wolverine! Who ordered the fireworks?

Where are we?

Why does this stuff always happen to me?

There. Take him.

They mean you!

Nice try. But your luck just ran out.

Pyro, the master programmer once had brought back alive.

He didn't specify in what conditions.

Stop!

Jubilee! Redness of pyrotechnic! Command you to release the human!

Ignore her. She's just a little girl.

A little girl?

We should probably go.

If that rebel scum gets away, I'll cancel you permanently.

More wolves! Up to the lucky one!

Uh-oh.

Jubilee!

Long shot.

Come on!

I think we're rid of them.

Whoa. Not good.

Bad doggy. No biscuit.

We got release laws in this town mutt.

Grover! Kneel!

Cancel them. Cancel them all.

Let's just finish it here. Just you and me, pal.

These warriors were not anticipated.

Time to pull the plug.

Long broadcast photo.

This isn't over, long shot.

Are you okay, Jubilee?

Long shot. What are you doing here, pretty boy?

Are you blind? He's on our side.

I don't know that.

You've got about two seconds to tell me what's going on, Blondie.

I don't know. I can't remember anything.

Come on, Jubilee. I'm taking your buddy here to the professor.

We could use some answers.

What do you mean he got away?

It went steamboats. He's still under contract.

Do you realize what he's costing me?

That's if I don't have enough to worry about. Slave rebellions.

Workers who actually want to be paid.

And my biggest snipe and rebel!

In great! After all I've done for his career.

Who decided to let actors sleep?

If you want the little jerks so badly, why don't you go get them yourself?

You presumptuous sack of armpits!

Perhaps the sorceress has a point, my lardacious liege.

An expedition to a primitive dimension like Earth's.

Home of the indomitable X-Men, if I'm not mistaken,

led by the great Mojo himself.

X-Men?

Domo! Domo! I've just had Domo, really tiny!

Mojo will lead the expedition myself!

Think of it! Think of it now!

Long shot! My biggest star!

The X-Men are proven ratings hit!

And...me!

It'll be huge!

When you are on screen you're bulbosity, the universe positively quivers.

We shall however need spiral to cleave time and space.

Yeah, yeah, sure, whatever!

God! Where's God?

God! Get your guys down to wardrobe!

Come on, come on, come on! We're burning daylight here!

Scramble the remote crew! We're going live!

And this is the rec room.

Sure you don't want something to drink?

It's...no problem.

What the Sam hell is he doing here?

Says he can't remember anything. I don't trust him.

He saved your life!

If you ask me, I think he's part of some Mojo run setup.

What is your problem?

Who is our guest?

He's one of Mojo's cronies and I've...beast?

His name is Longshot.

He was rescued earlier this evening by Logan and Jubilation from his erstwhile employer Mojo.

I didn't want him wandering around loose till you could take a look inside his head.

Are you blind? He's on our side!

We don't know that.

Allowing me to scan his mind must be Longshot's decision.

I suggest he take a moment to consider it.

Come on, Longshot. Time to blow this joint.

Don't go far.

I'll keep an eye on him. The gals kind of sweet on him in case you didn't notice.

I noticed.

I hate it when Wolverine treats me like a kid.

I'm 15... 17 years old.

I can look after myself.

You certainly looked after me back there.

You have great courage. Thank you.

You're welcome.

What's the name of this dump again?

Earth, your magnificent abundance.

Earth, as in dirt?

That stinks. Who's afraid of dirt? No, no, no, no. We'll call it Danger World.

Yeah, yeah. No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. Terror World. Yeah.

Until rating points will be mine.

Action? Excitement?

Not too much violence, though.

Yeah, we'll leave that for the news on the toxos.

His mind is barren.

I think I can help, but it will take time.

I'm gonna go check on Jubilee.

Huh?

I don't remember this being here.

I remember a great battle.

Mojo's genetically engineered slaves rebelled.

I, his star attraction, was their leader.

I was captured.

Mojo erased my memories,

planning to use me in his televised campaign to crush the rebels.

My comrades rescued me. Spiral tried to send them all to oblivion.

And somehow I ended up here.

Fascinating. Something's wrong. Better get here, Pronto.

What happened here?

It appears that the local flora is somehow being mutated, drained of its life essence.

And Mojo is here. I can smell him.

I fear that Mojo's continued presence in our dimension could have dire consequences for all life on Earth.

I found something else.

Jubilee's jacket!

Nothing. I can't read any future for her.

You don't mean she's...

No, she's here somewhere. And we're gonna find her.

Oh, you see, it seems much has changed on Mojo World since our television debut.

Longshot's an actor.

Who says he ain't playing a part?

You'll have to trust me. My trust is earned, bub.

And if anything happens to Jubilee, it'll come out of your hide.

Beast was right. This weird forest is growing.

We gotta stop it before it gets to people's homes.

Live from Terror World, it's the premier condition of intergalactic ladiators.

I, Mojo programmer to the galaxy, present our contestants tonight, back by popular demand, the X-Men.

Beast, the mind of a genius in the body of a big blue gorilla.

Rogue, whose luscious lips? No man may kiss. Wolverine, whose adamantium bones can't protect him from a broken heart.

Tonight's special guest star, in his final appearance anyway.

Lover, rebel, movie star, your heartthrob and mine, Longshot.

And opponents, the gladiators will help the X-Men through the untamed wilds of Terror World, in the matchup of the millennium.

Fascinating.

First, to reach our lovely studio, filled with cash and fabulous prizes is the winner and the baby.

Excuse me, the grand prize.

A dream date with teen heartthrob, who do you believe?

Somebody please get me out of here.

What do we need this little brat for? She's nothing but trouble.

Passion! Drama! Greetings!

The other actors must be given the proper motivation.

Besides, I've got just the spin-off for her.

Run!

Beckon, I'll take a little sort.

Oh, sorry, sugar.

Air travel is provided by Mojo and only by Mojo.

Hahaha! No mistake! Please, no teens!

Air to flight!

I appreciate the lift.

If you three can draw him off, I can get to that arena quicker alone.

One of us should accompany you.

I believe the phrase is "to watch your back."

I'll go with Wolverine.

In a pig's eye, you!

Listen to me. I know how Mojo works, and I know the equipment.

I got Jubilee into this. I'm the only one who can get her out.

Mo!

This ought to get their attention.

This way.

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hunters!

I want to see some serious carnage or you guys are going home in a shoebox!

Can I handle actor's output?

We should stay in the tree line.

No!

A big purple lizard?

Trust me! Kids will love it!

Hey! Bubba!

Hey!

Dang!

I sense possible sanctuary in those cliffs.

Hold it.

We're being followed. You go on ahead. I'll double back.

Hahaha!

Wolverine!

Quark! Who do you want to be?

The guy who bumped off an earther or the man who defeated Longshot?

Good point!

He'll be out for a while.

Are you okay?

I heal fast.

Hey!

I shoot them!

Somebody shoot them!

Cancel them!

No! No! This is horrible!

All this chaos! All this destruction!

Not a single camera in sight!

All cameras to the arena! Pronto! Yesterday!

Move it!

We're no longer the star attraction.

Come on!

Sorry, boys. Closed set.

Out of our way, spiral.

Don't you dare tell me what to do.

What got her so worked up?

We used to date.

I'll handle her. You get your belief.

Uh, looking for this?

Gog? Cancel this little mophead!

This will look great on my resume!

So, lucky one, it seems your luck has finally run out.

Pons away!

Y'all right, hon?

Remember me, bright eyes?

Ah! Smart remote!

Are you all right?

I am now. Thank you.

I... I... My ratings!

I'm risking embarrassment and impossible!

Possible physical pain!

And there are no ratings!

Spiral!

Spiral, dear.

Get me out of here!

Take a number.

You!

This is all your fault, you little code!

Well, you haven't won yet!

Just a showing over 'til the fat man stings!

That's all, folks!

No!

Oh, just...

Really had you going there, didn't I?

Okay, joke's over.

We can all go home now.

No hard feelings, right?

Nice.

Yeah. Just lucky.

Hey, dog! Spiral, get this freak off of me!

I want a rematch.

Mutant.

Pay-per-view, of course.

Fifty percent of all intergalactic merchandising.

And syndication revenue.

Have I earned that trust yet?

You're close. Go on.

You just got time for a quick goodbye.

Thanks.

Jubilee, I...

I know. You have to go.

You have a rebellion to lead and people you care about.

I'll never forget you, Jubilee.

Thank you.

Come on, kid. Let's head home.

Self never should have come here.

Now, self-friend's beast.

Forge, your world is doomed.