Original subtitles

? Everyone sing ?

? Ba, ba, ba, ba ?

? Ba, ba, ba, ba ?

? Ba, ba, ba, ba ?

? Hand in hand, dance with me ?

? Have fun and play with me ?

? And now it's time to stop ?

Narrator: Ah, road trips.

The open ocean, fresh salt water,

the campy pitstops.

I wonder where our bears will stop next.

Ugh! We've been walking for-ev-er!

[ Gasps ]

??

O-M-G, Land World!

I haven't been since I was a fry!

So it's like a zoo?

Ooh, it's so much more!

They have all sorts of rare land animals. [ Horse neighs ]

Best of all, you can even get a funny caricature!

We have to go!

[ All cheering ]

??

Come to Land World, get your tickets.

[ Groans ]

[ Giggling in distance ]

[ Laughing maniacally ]

[ Giggling continues ]

Hiya! Welcome to Land World!

I'll be your land animal expert and guide today.

I'm Kyle! Say "Hi, Kyle!"

[ Clicking ]

[ All ] Hi, Kyle!

Here at Land World, you can see Land Sea Horses... [ Clicks ]

...Land Sea Turtles... [ Clicks ]

...Land Sea Slugs! [ Clicks ]

[ Quivering ]

[ All ] Ooh!

It's just like I remember it!

Fun fact -- land slugs are just land snails

that can't afford to pay their mortgage.

I'm Kyle!

Hmm, is that true about snails?

We have no reason to doubt him.

He's Kyle!

[ All exclaim ]

Kyle's Kyle, alright!

[ Lion roars ]

Wow! Spectacular!

As you can see, our Land World scienticians

have 100% accurately reconstructed

the land bear's natural habitat.

Massage chairs?!

This is a bear's natural habitat!

Have a seat! [ Clicking ]

Thanks! Don't mind if we do!

[ Chairs vibrating ]

[ Shaky voice ] This is...

awe...some! [ Clicking ]

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

What the...?

[ Camera shutter clicking ]

O-M-G! I think I love Land World!

Every animal in Land World was unable to survive

the ocean's harsh conditions on their own.

So we provide a more comfortable environment for them here.

[ Cheers and applause ]

For the first time since 1985, I present to you...

Humanely Rescued Land Bears! [ Cheers and applause ]

Oh, wow! So humane!

Ice Bear can survive any environment on his own.

Don't need handouts.

Bros! There's froyo!

Both: Froyo?!

Throw Ice Bear a cold one.

Cha. [ Giggles ]

Yes, enjoy that decadently delicious,

yet low calorie froyo.

This place is amazing, isn't it, Box?

[ Shouts happily ]

Hey, you two!

Don't forget to catch our showcase by the amphitheater.

It's starting soon! Oh, my gosh!

We. Have. To. Go!

[ Shouts happily ]

[ Laughing maniacally ]

??

Welcome to Land World's Up Close Encounter!

I'm Liv, and I'll show you some land animals up close today!

[ Farah and Box ] Ooh!

Liv: [ Gasps ] Behold!

The Land Isopods!

I can't keep doin' this, Frankie.

Ah, think about your kids, Oscar.

Now, let's give the audience a warm welcome,

[Evilly] just like we practiced!

And a one, and a two, and a three, and a four.

[ Singing miserably ] ? Where everything's grand ?

? The happiest place without any sand ?

? Oh, we love Land World ?

? What a privilege it be ? Yeah!

? To stay inside Land World ?

? For all fish to see! ?

[ Sobbing ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

Yaayyyy! [ Can rattling ]

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

[ Chairs vibrating ]

[ Beep ] Whoa!

All this massaging is working up my appetite.

Hey, Kyle, what do ya have to eat around here?

Before I tell you that, why dontcha get down on the ground?

[ Clicking ]

[ Clapping, oohing ]

??

Oh, good bears! [ Clapping, oohing ]

Now, lay down. I don't know, Kyle.

My tummy feels better when I'm vertical.

Trust me, you'll love it!

[ Angrily ] Lay down! [ Clicking ]

Welp, can't say no to that logic!

[ Plops ]

[ Applauding, exclaiming ]

That's incredible.

Who's a good bear?

Me! I'm a good bear!

Roll over! [ Clicking ]

[ Applauding, oohing ]

Mm! Ice Bear refuses to sacrifice dignity.

I was gonna say!

This is kind of degrading, right?

[ Booing ]

[ Angrily ] Roll over!

[ Clicking aggressively ]

There's something about that clicker

that makes me wanna go do whatever Kyle says.

It has almost a Pavlovian effect!

Kyle: Attabears!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Now, chase your tail!

Beg! Do my taxes!

[ Laughs maniacally ]

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

??

[ Grunts weakly ]

Give it up for the land seahorse!

[ Laughs ]

Who knew they smelled like that?

P.U. [ Laughter ]

Oh, not me!

Now, if everyone forms a single file line,

you can pet our final land animal --

[ Drum roll ]

Land Merman!

[ Oohing ]

Gather around uncomfortably tight! [ Chuckles ]

Also be sure to use lots of flash photography.

Land animals love it!

If you insist...

[ Camera shutters clicking ]

Gahh! My irises!

Ooh. [ Sobbing ]

Oh, sorry.

Oh, don't apologize!

Land Mermen say, "Gahh, my irises!"

when their eyes feel super duper good.

[ Oohing ] That's pretty cool.

[ Whimpers ]

Spin those plates!

Yes! Spinny, spinny.

[ Booing ] Be careful!

You broke that round ceramic thing, whatever it is!

Booo!

I think we should get outta here.

Word. What?! No, you can't leave!

We're just getting started.

You know what, that's okay. We'll just be on our way.

[ Audience "Aws" ]

Wait! You're our best performing show!

Who cares.

We refuse to do any more tricks!

We're outta here!

[ Thud! ] Invisible mic drop.

But I already made T-shirts!

[ Angrily ] I'm. Kyle!

[ Buzz ] [ Bubbling ]

Ahh!

[ Alarm blaring ]

[ All ] Help us, Farah!

[ Foghorn sounds ] [ Seagulls screeching ]

Zero razzle dazzle.

You're right, Virginia!

This place stinks!

I'm taking off these rose-colored glasses!

Ugh! [ Squeals ]

[ Shouting ]

[ Gasps ] Oh, no! The bears are in trouble!

We're surrounded!

[ Machine whirrs ]

Noooo!

Ice Bear has no possible place to go.

Oh, no! [ Gasps ]

And now for what you've all been waiting for.

Just like they would above the ocean,

the mighty Land Bears shall fight!

[ Bell dings ]

Help! We don't wanna fight!

Are you sure? [ Clicking ]

You love fighting, right?

[ Groggily ] I mean... we love to fight!

[ Grunting ]

[ Cheering ]

[ Grunting ]

Oh!

[ Groans ]

[ Shouts ] [ Groans ]

[ Cheering ]

[ Grunting ]

Ah! Let them out!

Let them out!

Unh-unh-unh.

Do not tap the glass.

Hmm!

I think you going to be very pleased.

Ohhh, do tap the glass.

Well what are you waiting for? Unbelievable.

" Do tap the glass."

I guess we do whatever signs tell us to.

Huh? Hey!

Do not tap the glass!

[ Angrily ] Ohh!

[ Megaphone screeches ] Hey!

[ Clicking rapidly ] [ Pulsating ]

Do -- Tap the glass very rapidly!

[ Chuckles ] Okay!

[ All grunting ] [ Glass cracking ]

No, I meant stop!

I-- I'm Kyle!

??

[ Groans ] [ Glass shatters ]

??

[ All ] Huh? [ Shouting ]

[ Glass shatters ]

Phew, thanks for saving us, you two.

I'm sorry, Bears.

I thought Land World was cool and humane,

but it turns out it's horrible!

That's okay, Farah! Yeah!

Who among us hasn't been hoodwinked

by inhumane corporations at one point or another?

[ Laughter ] Oh, those corporations!

So naughty!

Grizz: To Atlantis!

It's your turn to put on a show!

Giddy Up! Oh, but...

I'm -- [ Groggily ] I'm Kyle.

Hyah! Hyah! [ Laughing ]

Narrator: Wow. One day, you're running the zoo,

the next, you're part of the zoo,

then you are the zoo.

Who knew the ocean was this complex?

? Let's find a new home to stay ?

? Let's find a new home to stay ?

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