All language subtitles for Sailor Beware (1952).en

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Well, Jim, they look
pretty good, huh?

Certainly do, Chief.

If it does,
it'll be a miracle.

Hey, how long we gotta
stand in line, sailor?

Sailor?

Oh, you're the doorman?

Have you ever considered
any other branch
of the service?

The Army recruiting office
is just down the street,
you know.

Oh, thanks gobs, gob,
but... But I gotta
get in the Navy.

It's practically
doctor's orders,
practically.

Doctor's orders?

Oh, yes, sir.
You see, it's my allergies,

and my doctor says
I need ocean travel,

and this is the only way
I can afford it.

Do you know anyone
in there?

The chief of this station
and I are as close as that.

Oh. Then maybe you can
do me a favor, sir.

You see,
I'm a little bit worried
about passin' a physical,

and I thought maybe
you could get
the chief in there

to put in a good word
for me.

Well, you can
depend on that.

I'll see that
the chief tells 'em
all about you.

Oh, thank you, sir.

Thank you very much, sir.

Gee, I hope he don't forget
to tell the chief about me.

Hey, buddy,
I can't watch you go down
for the third time.

Be my guest?

Oh, you want I
should change places
with her?

No!

You don't have to get mad.
I was just askin'.

Now, look, honey,
we can't hold up the Navy.

Oh, Al, doll!

That'll hold you
for four years.
Goodbye, sugar.

Goodbye.

Goodbye, Al.

Wasn't that...
Hetty Button.

You know, if I could kiss
a girl like that, I wouldn't
have to join the Navy.

Oh, cheer up, Atlas,
I'm only goin'
through the motions.

I go in one door
and come out the other.
They won't have me.

How do you know?

This is the 11th time
I've tried to enlist.

They keep rejectin' me.
I have a trick knee.

But these goodbyes
sure make it worthwhile.

You mean after 11 times
she hasn't caught on?

That's the 11th girl.

Gee, you're lucky.
I can't even get close
to a girl.

I'm allergic to face powder,
perfume and lipstick.

If I get too close to a girl,
my uvula becomes edematous,

which means inflamed,
and if it becomes inflamed,
it swells up.

Then I can't breathe.

And if I can't breathe,
that could become fatal.

You said a mouthful.

Do you know
women could kill me?

What a way to die.

Although I could
dose myself with

privine,
pyrobenzamine and Benadryl,

then breathing
would be possible

but so expensive
I'd probably starve to death.

Yeah, what's the difference?
If you can't go
out with any women,

you might as well
be dead anyhow.

I got it.
Why don't you go out
with a lot of women,

kiss 'em and
build up an immunity?

I can't even
get close to a girl.

I've never been kissed.

Even my mother
wouldn't have the nerve.

Well, that figures.

All right,
come on, let's close up.

The old man is
still as bad as ever.

Where do you
think you're goin'?

I was just... Nowhere.

What's it to you?

Get back where you belong.

Don't let that fathead
talk to you like that.

Who's callin' me
a fathead?

My friend has
a right to his own opinion.

Is that your opinion?

I'll say it is.
He thinks you're a stupid ox.

Ah, now I'm a stupid ox, huh?

I didn't say anything.

Don't back down.
Tell him you'll
punch him in the nose.

Stop puttin' words
in my mouth.
I won't say that.

You won't say what?

"I'll punch you in the nose."

Oh, I said it.
Why, you...

Ow, oh, he broke
the whole chest.

Now my ribs are busted,
they're all smashed.

Ah, come on.

Hey, do you see that?

That little guy
down the line?

Yeah, Chief.

Well, naturally,
I don't want to interfere

and I don't want
any leniency shown,

but I do want to make certain
that this guy
is really physically fit

for the Navy.

Okay, Chief.

The squirt down the line is
a friend of the chief's.
Pass it on.

The weird one's
a friend of the chief.

Wouldn't you know?

See that squirrelly character
down there?

A friend of the chief's.

Hey, they're all
starin' at me.

Stare back at 'em.

Well, let's face it,
you are a little different.

Fill these out.
Go over in the corner
and strip. Make it snappy.

Fill these out.
Go over in the corner
and strip. Move along.

Here are some papers
that we have
to have filled out.

We hope it won't
be too much trouble.

Then after that,
would you mind going

over in the corner
and disrobing?

I don't even know you.

Well, all of the other
fellows are. Wouldn't you?

Okay.

In your mouth.
Open up. Open up.

What's your surname?

You talk backwards.
You mean,
"What's my name, sir?"

I said surname.

Sir?
Yes.

Yes, what?

Yes, sir.

Oh, you don't have
to talk so polite to me.
No one ever does.

You can call me Melvin.

Melvin?

Melvin Jones.

Have you ever had erysipelas,
appendicitis,
mumps, whooping cough,

eye, ear,
nose or throat trouble,
hay fever?

Any illness
other than
those already noted?

That's all.

Hey! Where's my thermometer?

That was a thermometer?

I thought it was
a peppermint stick.

Roger. Over and out.
Quiet!

Did you lose something?

No, but I think you did.
Where's your heart?

You're the doctor.

Yes.

Be a good little boy now
and tell the doctor
where your heart is.

You find it.
I'm no stool pigeon.

You're cold.

Cold. Gettin' warmer.

Here, I'll help you.

I don't like
to worry you, son,
but did you

ever think of
taking it easier?

You know, a thing...

There must be one someplace.

Finally found it.
Running like a watch.

Gee, I wish they'd
tell us if we passed.

Say, before they do,
I'd like to get
something off my chest.

Fellas, in the 11 times
that I've tried to enlist,

I've never met
a nicer bunch of men.

That goes for me, too.

Thanks to you, Al.
Best of luck to youse.

I'm really sorry
to have to leave,

except for you.

And I can say in all
my Navy experience,

I've never met
a bigger fathead.

Why you, I...

Lardoski, recruiting officer
wants to see you.

Right, Chief.

Crowthers?

Well, this is it, fellas.

Yeah?
Congratulations.

I've got good news for you.

They lowered
the physical requirements

in the past two weeks.
You're in now.

In fact, you all made it.

They can't do this to me.

Why don't you write a letter
to your congressman?

What good'll that do?

No good,
but you'll have a pen pal.

Lardoski,
when we find someone
in a group of recruits

who has the qualities
of leadership,
we put him in charge.

As a veteran
who's decided to re-enlist,

you'll get your
old rating back.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, yes.
Here are the records.

It's guys like
that fathead Lardoski

that must've caused
the physical requirements
to be lowered.

Yeah, and I bet the Navy'll
get those brainy guys

to boss around the fatheads.

Boy, I'm gonna
work real hard, too,

and I'm gonna try
and get a commission.

And if I ever
become a private,

will I boss that
Lardoski around.

Oh, no, I will.

I'll walk right up to him,
I'll say, "You're a fathead."

And I'd say,
"You're a stupid ox
and you're..."

You're here!

Petty Officer Lardoski
will take charge
of this group.

You will take
your orders from him.

Remember, men,
you're in the Navy now.

Okay, men,
two ranks through this door,

and I don't want
no goldbrickin'.

Excuse me, handsome.

Where do you get
that "handsome" stuff?

Didn't I hear
the man call you
a pretty officer?

He said, "Petty officer."

Okay, look alive, now.
Get goin'. Keep movin'.

Well, what's the matter?

I'm seasick already.

Oh, come here.

Oh, boys.

Boys!

Come on. Come on.

Pardon me, gentlemen,
but you are
keepin' the Navy waitin'.

If you will kindly
pass through the gates,

we'll try to make your life
comfortable and cozy.

Come up
and see us sometime.

Get goin',
you dumb clucks!

On the double.
You're in the Navy now!

Step up. Right up here.

You're done.

Hey, gimme that.
Don't yell. I'm nervous.

What do they
want me here for?

They want
a sample of your blood.

Who's givin' samples?

Blood isn't dress goods.
You say, "Snip off a swatch."

You wanna see if it matches
the living room drapes.

Don't get excited.

Well, blood isn't
orange juice.

What do they
wanna do, sample it?

And if they like it,
come back tomorrow
for two quarts?

They want a sample
so they can type it.

They're not gonna
type with my blood.

Let 'em use
a typewriter ribbon.

Ma!
Hey, Melvin!

Ma!

Hey, get back
in line there.

Do you have
an appointment?

Would you mind
waiting just a minute?

What's the matter?
Aren't you housebroken?

Hey, you don't
use makeup, do you?

No, just a little lipstick.

Oh, I'm glad.
What's your name?

Hilda Jones.

That's a coincidence.
That's my name.

Hilda?

No, Jones. Melvin Jones.

Where were you born?
I don't know.

You don't know
where you were born?

Oh, I thought you asked me
why was I born.

I was born in a bed,
I think.

Don't you know?

How would I know?
I was just
a little baby at the time.

Oh, come on,
we're wasting time.

Have you been at
the bank before?Three times.

Three times?

I wanted to get a loan.

You wanted to
borrow from the bank?

Well, I was
a little short at the time.

I'd have paid it back
in a couple of months.

You should be
ashamed of yourself,

tryin' to borrow blood
when it's so badly needed.

Blood?
Yes.

Everyone should donate
to the blood bank.

What type are you?
Oh, the quiet type.

I go to bed at 9:00,
see a movie now and then,

read some books,
play checkers.

No, I mean,
what kind of blood have you?

Red.

Oh, come on,
we're wasting time.

I'll turn you over
to the Red Cross nurse,

and she'll give you
your orange juice.

Orange juice?
Yeah.

She'll give you
a glass of orange juice,

and you give her
a pint of blood.

Oh, that sounds
like a fair exchange.

She gives me
a glass of orange juice
and I give her...

A pint?

Aw, I haven't got any
more samples, fellas.

I just gave it all away.

I'm scared. No, I'm scared.
Oh, come on, fellas.

You still here?
Yeah.

Did you expect me
to be back at my old job,
singin' in a nightclub?

Meet my agent.
He gets 10%.

That's all for you.

All right, let's go.
You're next.

Come on. Come on.

Come on, Melvin,
this won't hurt you.

Go ahead.

It won't hurt?
It won't hurt.

It won't hurt.
No.

What have you been doin'?

I've been
to the blood bank.

Looks like your
account's overdrawn.

Could I get fired
for this?

No, but if you
should see birds
following your ship,

don't bet they're seagulls,
brother.

They're vultures.

Let me try that other arm.

Oh.

You sure you're living?

Am I sure I'm living?

I don't know.

Ooh! Ow!

Uh-oh. Made a hole in
the wrong place.

I missed the hole, too.

What's par for this course?

All right, all right.

It don't have to be blood.
I'll take anything.

Ow!

Let's turn him upside down.
Maybe it runs the other way.

Ooh!

Well, might as
well give up, fellas.

We'll get blood if we
have to dig all day.

What're you doin',
patchin' a tire?

I never had so many
needles stuck in me
in my whole life.

Oh, I don't feel good.

Oh, I'll get some water.

You'll be all right.

But I don't feel good.

Oh, brace up now.

I'm dizzy.

No, you're all right.
I'm all right.

Here, drink this.

I feel much better now.
Thank you very much.

Oh, Oh!

I'm leaking.
Oh, I'm leaking.

Oh, no!
Oh, no, not that.

Oh, no! Not that.

I never touched him.

All right, men,
this is your new home.

Grab any bunk
and stow away your gear.

Hey, you,
tuck in your skivvy shirt.

Well, what's that for?

Oh, this is my money belt,
so I can save

all the money
I earn in the Navy.

For what?

So I can study electronics
when I'm through
with my enlistment.

I'm not gonna be
foolish with my money
and gamble and drink it away.

Besides, I can't
go out with girls.

Well, all right, come on.
Let's look for our bunks,

'cause the only thing
you'll be able
to do around here

in your spare time is sleep.

Oh, here's a couple.

Okay, you take the top.
Go ahead.
Throw the bag up there.

Hey, what...

Why, you...
Let me up out of here.

I ought to...

All right, now,
take it easy, Chief.

He didn't mean to.
He slipped.

I'll take care of
you later, Jones.

Come on, Melvin.

Why do I always
get in trouble?

You know,
I thought you were
gonna be my friend,

someone I could look up to,

someone to be
real close to me.

Someone who'd stick by me
through thick or thin.

Now you think I'm stupid.

Aw, don't cry, Melvin.
I don't think you're stupid.

Aw, that's funny.
Everyone else does.

Hey, Al?
Yeah?

Do you think I'll ever get
to look like a sailor?

Sure. Why, in eight weeks
I won't know you
from Admiral Halsey.

Arms out. Two count exercise.

Keep your arms straight,
your head up.

Keep your arms straight.
Ready?

Begin! One, two, one, two.

Up, down, up, down.

One, two, one, two.

One, two, one, two.

Up, down, up, down.

One, two, one, two,
one, two, one, two.

One, two and two.

Feet apart with a jump,
arms sideward.
Place.

A four-count exercise
beginning with the left hand.

Four-count
exercise beginning with
the left hand. Ready?

Begin.
Begin!

One, two,

three, four.

One, two.
Left up.

Three, four.
Right up.

Left up, right up.

A one, two and four.

Feet together with jump,
arms downward. Sink.

Arms sideward and upward.

Raise!

Ready? Begin!

One, two, down, up.

Down, up, a one, two.

Down, up, a one, two.

A one, two, one, two,
one, two.

Down, up, down, up.

One, two, one, two,
one, two.

Down, up, two and halt.

Palms together, turn,
arms sideward and downward.
Sink.

Feet apart with
a jump and neck.

Fast.
Fast.

Begin!

Two, three, four.

A one, two,
three, four.

A one, two,
three, four.

A one, two,
three, four.

A one, two,
three, four.

A one, two,
three, four.

A one, two,
three, four.
A one, two.

Feet together with a jump,
arms downward. Sink.

Break rank, fall out
and get your clothes!

Break ranks!

Fall out, get your clothes!
Dismissed!

All right, men,
this is the procedure
for lowering a boat.

Muster crew,
remove cover and strongback.

See that
the automatic plug is free.

Have painter
forward outside of davits.

Let go all gripes
and boat chocks.
Remove reel covers,

raise boat clear of chocks,
belay the falls,

slack davit, guys, and...

Jones,
repeat what I just said.

Word for word?

Every if, and, and but?

Start talkin'!

Muster crew,
remove cover and strongbacks.

Be sure
the automatic plug is free.

Have painter forward
outboard of davits.

Let go of gripes
and boat chocks,
remove reel cover.

Raise boat to clear chocks.

Belay the falls
and slack davit, guys.

Stroke!

One, two, stroke!

That's it, men.
Put your backs into it.

Stroke!

Watch the head.

Stroke.

Aw, come on,
I said, watch the head!

Aw, get it
out of the way.

Stroke.

You missed.

Stroke.

Jones.

Get the water
out of that boat.

Aye, aye, sir.

Stroke.

Stroke.

"Get the water
out of the boat!"

"Get the water
out of the boat!"

Jones, I said,
get the water
out of the boat!

"Get the water
out of the boat."

"Get the water
out of the boat."

One.

Two.

Stroke.

Put that plug back!

Aye, aye, sir.

Jones, get
the water out of that boat.

Aye, aye, sir.

Get the water
out of the boat!

Aye, aye, sir.

Out of the boat.

Aye, aye, sir.

Get the water...

At this point
in your training,

you guys could
figure on a big liberty,

but it don't look like
we're gonna get one

on account of the way
a certain bluejacket
has been actin' up.

What's this
"certain bluejacket" stuff?

You afraid
to mention his name?

No, I ain't.
If the shoe fits,
put it on.

There's no basis
for metabolism.

Certainly I'm
aware of the fact that

there are other
men concerned here,

and you still can't feel that
a physical being is abstract.

You've got to base
the full heart and soul
on the ingredient

that other people
are aware of the fact

that physical being
isn't even involved.

Isn't that right?

Why, you stupid, little...

Which one of you
guys is Crowthers?

Uh, here, sir.

Special Service
would like you to sing

on the Tempting Kiss
TV show today.

I've arranged
for your liberty.

Thank you, sir,
but I don't think it's fair
that I should take liberty

just because I can
sing a song,

and the rest of the fellows
have to stay here

because a certain chief
enjoys takin' liberty

from a certain bluejacket.

All right, Crowthers.

Lardoski, give all
of these men liberty,

if they can be ready
in a half an hour.

Are you on liberty, too?

Uh-huh.

Gee, Hilda,
I'm glad I met you.

You know, I just
thought of somethin'?

What?

What would happen
if I get a call
to return to the base,

pack my equipment,
board the ship,

and they sent me
to Alaska or someplace?

I wouldn't forget you.

Well, I'll see
that you don't.

Stick out your hand.

Hey, you tied
a square knot.

I did?
Uh-huh.

Huh, I didn't even
know I could do it.

Would you go
into town with me?

You know, you're
the first girl I ever met
that I'm not allergic to.

Well, that'll keep you away
from the rest of the girls,
won't it?

Uh-huh.

We better hurry.
I want you to hear Al sing.

Oh, what is this
Tempting Kiss Lipstick?

Oh, that's the kind I use.
It doesn't smear or rub off.

You want to test it?

Here in the street,
in front of everyone?

No!

Okay, test it.

You're right,
nothin' happened.

I'll say nothin' happened.

Come on, we'll be late.

Come on.
All right.

Oh, here we are.

Where are we goin'?
Right here.

A television station?

They got a cathode tube
and a master oscillator
that just won't quit.

Come on.

Thank you. Thank you.

Well, how are
all my kissable girls today?

Fine, Mr. Chubby.

Ah, we have a lot of
fun here, don't we?

Yes, sir.

And today,
today we're going to select

the most kissable
girl in San Diego.

Now, what do you
think of that, huh?

And the winner will receive
a Hellman mink coat,

a complete set
of Chapman bicycle tires,

an Ellington grease gun,

a 10-year supply
of Go Gettum Dog Food,

four Donavan wristwatches,

10 glorious days
at the Palm Garden Hotel
in Honolulu

and a complete
wardrobe by Edythe

for the lucky girl
who gets the trip.

There's our sailor now.

We've been waiting for you.

Who, me? What did I do?

Will you come
up here, please?

Oh, yeah.

Isn't he handsome, girls?

Oh, this is my pal,
Al Crowthers.

He's supposed
to sing on your program.

Here's our
first guest, ladies,
Al Crowthers.

Take it away, Al.
You'll accompany him?

Oh, yeah.
Where are we goin', Al?

We're not goin' anywhere,
Melvin.

He wants you to
help me with my song.

Oh, well, how?

I don't know. We haven't got
an orchestra.
I don't know what to do.

You want I should hum?
No, no.

Got any other ideas?

Yeah, I have an idea.

Oh, good.
Go ahead, bring 'em up.

Come on up, fellas.

Yeah, you play
the piano, Fred.

Melvin.

Huh?

I'll be too old
to sing this number.

Now, hurry up.

Aw.

♪ Today

♪ Tomorrow

♪ Forever

♪ Ooh-ah!

♪ You are the one
girl I love

♪ Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta

♪ Today

Yow!

♪ Tomorrow

Zing!

♪ Forever

♪ As long as stars
shine above

♪ The stars that shine
The stars that shine

♪ The stars that shine

♪ This is
no mere infatuation

♪ One, two, three, four
We love your voice,
so sing some more

♪ This time it's real
The sweet sensation

♪ Always and always together

Ta, ta-ta-ta-ta,
ta-ta-ta-ta,

ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta.

♪ That's how
it's fated to be

♪ Boing, boing,
boing, boing

♪ Today

♪ Tomorrow

♪ Forever

♪ You are the one girl

♪ For me

♪ You are my one love ♪

And now, now, ladies,
don't you think

a sailor would
make a perfect judge

for our Tempting Kisscontest?

Where's the handsome one?
Oh, well, you'll do.

We want you to be our judge.

You're going to be
Mr. Temptation.

Oh, no, you don't.

Oh-oh. Oh, he seems to be
a little bit shy.

But we'll take care of that,
won't we, girls?

Can you... Can you imagine
anyone being shy
who comes from...

Where'd you say
you were from?

He's from Brooklyn!

Now, before
our contest begins,

a word on behalf
of our sponsor. We...

I didn't say Brooklyn.

We of the
Tempting Kiss Lipstick Company
believe...

I was born in Ottumwa, Iowa.

Ottumwa, Iowa! Well!

Tempting Kiss Lipstick
won't smear,
won't stain...

Where were you born?

Galesburg, Illinois.

All right. All right.

Tempting Kiss Lipstick
comes in
three convenient sizes.

You can get it in...
Sheboygan, Wisconsin.

Now, please.
You just go right
over there and sit down.

Will you, please?
Just take a chair
for a minute.

Right over there.
That's right.

Thank you very much.

Our product is
sold in the stubby,
the regular and in...

Irvington, New Jersey!

Harlan, Kentucky.

Quincy, Massachusetts.

Clearwater, Florida.

San Diego, California.

San Diego?
That's my station.

I gotta get off of here.

Oh, no, you don't.
No, you don't.

You're going to stay
right here

and select
the most kissable girl
in San Diego.

Now, remember,
ladies, it's within
Mr. Temptation's power

to give any of
you a mink coat

and 10 glorious days
in Honolulu!

All right.

All right, now
one contestant at a time,
please, one at a time.

Ready? Go!

One at a time,
girls, one at a time!

One at a time!

Ladies, ladies, ladies!

Ladies, one at a time.
Oh, stop it,
you stupid, old...

One at a time,
girls!

One at a time!

Stop!

One at a time!

Maybe he's in Studio 7.

Try it. Try it.

I am Pierre.
I am the top man.

There he is.

I am the top man.

This man is an imposter.

These lovely
models will now show

the newest trend
in swim fashion.

What a town this is.

The dames won't
have anything to do
with sailors around here.

Oh, yeah?

Wait till you see
the beautiful babe
that's gonna meet me here.

Boy, look at
those beautiful babes.

Hey, the one on
the end is my date.

The black Lastex
molded one-piece suit
with one shoulder strap.

Note the water-proofed
jeweled pin at the neckline.

Wait a minute.
Hey, ain't that Jones?

It's Mr. Temptation.

Hey, he's kissin' my dame.

What's the matter,
somebody blow a tube?

Yeah, my friend here.

Hilda, please
let me explain.

It wasn't my fault.

Well, you certainly acted
like you enjoyed it.

Go on back to your public,
Mr. Temptation.

I'm going back to the base.

Oh, but, Hilda, listen.

Please, leave me alone.
I can hardly breathe.

Well, here you are.

Now, before you
run away again,

I want to know
who won our contest.

I don't care
who won the contest.

All I know is I lost.

But we must know
who won our contest.

Now, who's
the most kissable girl
in San Diego?

Miss Hilda Jones
of the Navy training center.

Some nerve!

Well, thank you.
Thank you very much.

You're my witnesses.
Thank you.

Hilda.

Hilda.

Hilda!

Don't speak to me
after kissing
all those girls.

You won the contest.

You can have
your old contest

and you can have
your piece of string, too.
I don't want it!

Hilda!

Hilda!

Hilda!

Hilda!

Hilda!

What's the matter, sailor,
d'you lose something?

I lost a piece of string.

You wouldn't
have any Benadryl,
would you?

This one must've been
drinking tear gas.

Oh, gee.
I was just tryin'
to find a string.

Imagine just kissin' girls
puttin' a guy in a hospital.

Hey, Doc, what room
is Melvin Jones in?

Right in here.
But no visitors.

No kidding.
Is he real sick?

He has an edema
of the olfactory system.

See?
You ask a foolish question,
you get a foolish answer.

And, uh, stay out of
this room, huh?

Oh, uh, pardon me,
Lieutenant.

Jones in 116.
He won't take his pill.

Oh, he won't, eh?

Pardon me, Lieutenant.
How's our friend Jones?

I don't know.
But if he doesn't
cooperate with me,

his condition is
going to be a lot worse.

How would you like me
to be waitin' for you

when you get off duty?

How would you like
to spend 30 days
in the brig?

I see you got
refrigeration here.

When it comes to sailors,
she's colder
than a deep freeze.

And my pal Melvin's
just lucky enough to be
the one to defrost her.

Come on, now,
let's take this pill.

I only have
a 13 and a half neck.

It'll choke me.

Not if you take it
with a big swallow of water.

I want my mother.

Isn't he sweet?

Now, if your mother was here,
she'd say,

"Open your mouth."

Well, come on, open it.

Open it up. Come on.

That's right.
Now, stick out your tongue.

Stick it out.

Now, take a big swallow
of water.

That's the boy.

It went down.

Of course, it did.

Now, it'll make you sleep.

Come on, now, lie back.

Lieutenant, I'm homesick.

I don't think I'll
be able to sleep.

But you must sleep.

If my mother was here,
she'd kiss me right here.

All right.

It's sure takin' her
a long time
to give him a pill.

Oh, he probably
didn't cooperate,
and she had to get rough.

Hey, let's take a look.

Sleep well, my dear boy.

Boy, the way those models
went after that Melvin

I don't know.
It's a mystery to me.

Did you see the way
they tore him apart?

I figure it this way.

Girls just can't resist him.

Hey, I'll lay a little money
I can pick a dame

who won't have
anything to do with him.

If she does, I'll pay off.

Well, put up or shut up.

I'll bet six months pay.

I'll take $100 of that.

I'll take $200 of that.

I'll bet my wristwatch.

Okay, I'll take all bets.
You're all covered.

And if you know
of anybody else,

just send 'em
around to see me.

Hey, Chief.

Sailin' orders
for your draft.

Okay, men, gather around.
These are our orders.

"For the purpose
of fleet training

"and for familiarization
with various types
of naval craft,

"Training Squadron 87 B
will be dispatched
to Honolulu

"in the following manner."

They got it cut up
into three classes.

Destroyers,
battleships and submarine.

Submarine?
Yeah, and our group's on it.

Honolulu.

Hey, that's where
Corinne Calvet is.
I'll be able to see her.

You better be careful
Melvin doesn't see her first.

Hey, that's the girl.
Corinne.

All the dough
that Jones can't make
the grade with her.

Corinne?
No, that makes it
too tough.

What's the matter,
you gettin' yellow?

Okay, Corinne it is.

All right, men,
let's get on the ball.

Turn in and get
a good night's sleep.

Tomorrow we're on our way.

Now, hear this.

Now, hear this.
Drill in one hour.

Hi, Al.
Look, I'm all cured.

Well, you look like
you're in shape
to kiss a girl.

Hilda? Oh, she's mad at me.
She won't even talk to me.

No, not Hilda.

Well, you know,
any other dame,
I can't get close to.

I get swelling
in back of my nose.

If you don't get
close to the girl
I tell you to,

you'll get a swelling
in the front of your nose.

There's a lot of money
bet on you.

What if Tiger
disappears with all that loot?

Ha! Don't worry.
I got a couple of
guys watchin' him.

And he's holdin' the bets.

Holding bets on me?
What for?

Now, look,
you're my pal, right?

Yeah.

I said that no girl
can resist you,
and Lardoski says they can.

So the guys got
a lot of dough together,

and they bet that
you can kiss any girl
that Lardoski named.

He named Corinne.

And, kid,
I bet a bundle myself.

What if I'm allergic to her
and I can't kiss her?

Then you and all
the boys'll lose
all your money.

I won't do it on purpose,
but if I do,

well, you can borrow
money from me.

No, Melvin,
that's all right.

Oh, no. I won't
take no for an answer.

You are my friend
and you are my pal.

You can have all
the money you want.

No, Melvin,
that's all right.

What do you
keep sayin' no for?

Because I bet six months
of your pay

and every cent you had
in your money belt.

Well, that's no reason
to say no.

Because you bet six months
of my pay

and all the money
in my money belt?

Aw!

Take it easy.
Now, just shut up
and listen.

There was nothin'
else I could do.

You're my buddy, right?

You wouldn't want me
to lose my money

and not lose yours,
too, would you?

Oh, well,
that would be selfish
on your part.

Sure. Besides, if you win,
you'll practically
be a millionaire.

If I win,
I won't be able to breathe.

Now, which is more important,
breathing or money?

Besides, the boys
bet a fortune on you.

Oh, all right,
I'll do the best I can.

And where's
this Corinne dame,
anyway?

Honolulu.

Oh, well, now,
what's there to worry about?

If she's in Honolulu,
we're here in San Diego,

it could be years
before we ever met.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We're goin' to
Honolulu tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

What ship?

Not by ship.

Not by ship?
No.

Plane?
Not by plane.

Not by plane?

What do they want us to do,
swim across?

We're goin' by submarine.

Oh, submarine.

I get sick going down
in an elevator.

What did he have
to wind 'em for?

Ah, quit your beefin'.

You're lucky nobody
bet a cuckoo clock.

Detail, halt.

Detail from
Training Squadron 87 B
reporting as ordered, sir.

At ease, men.

Lardoski,
you'll be the only one

for whom it'll not
be a new experience

to sail aboard a submarine.
You'll be in charge
of our passengers.

And see that they don't
get in the way
of ship's company.

Yes, sir.
It must be remembered

that we're merely
transporting them.

They'll get their
further assignments
when we get to Honolulu.

And for the rest of you men,

there is
a certain freedom

that's permitted in
the submarine service.

Among the officers
and enlisted men,

we do away with
the usual formalities

because of
the confined space.

All right, Lardoski,
you can load them

aboard the forward
torpedo room hatch.

Oh, he's friendly.

Won't this be ginger peachy?

Yeah, real keen.

All right,
men, follow me, single file.

Let's go!

Put your bag
right down the hatch.

Take it easy now.

Watch your step.

You'll get used to it.

Follow him right down.

Bag, that's right.

I'm very glad we're
gonna be informal.

My name is Melvin Jones,
but you can call me Melvin.

Go on, get goin'!

I'm goin'.
You don't have to yell.

Ow!

Aw, why don't you watch
what you're doin'?

Stop the head,
Al, stop the head.

I don't like it here.
I'm gonna quit.

What do you mean quit?

Submarine service is
the safest part of the Navy.

Safest part?
I almost got killed.

All you have to do
is keep your head up,

eyes straight
and watch your step.

Once you get the hang of it,
it's very simple.

Aw!

Head up, eyes straight
and watch your step.

Now, let's go
find our quarters

before somethin' else
happens to you.

Oh, come on!

Gee, I hope they
checked this for leaks.

Oh, watch where you're goin'.

Hey, Al, it ain't much,
but we could fix it up.

Well, do you think
it's good enough for us?

Not really,
but I think
we should grab it

before a couple
of other guys do.

Somebody else
already grabbed it.

Yeah?
Well, possession is
nine points of the law.

I'd like to see
somebody else grab it,
huh, Al?

We'll put clean sheets on
and everything.

Melvin, you better
leave the sheets on.

Leave the sheets on?

How do we know
who slept on it?

Come on,
Al, you're not helpin'
me at all.

Throw these
out in the hall.

Al, the Commander.
The Commander.

This is my stateroom, sailor.

You've got one minute
to get this place
cleaned up and get out,

or you'll spend
the rest of this trip
chained to a torpedo!

I'm sorry, sir,
we'll take care of it.

We'd better hurry.

They'll be assigning bunks.

All right, men,
get your gear in order

and stow your empty sea bags
under the bunks.

And where were you?

Kissin' the engineer?

Aw, come on,
Lardoski, lay off of him.

Yeah, lay off.
I've been sick.

That first bunk is yours.

Oh!

Not up there.
Down there.

How am I supposed
to get in there?

You just lie down,

and the man above
pulls his bunk down,
gets in, and so on.

Turk, Crowthers,
these two are yours.

Bull, 'Bama,
take those two.

Put that back
into your sea bag.

It's just in case
we have to abandon ship.

I said put it back.

How can I get this
back in my sea bag?

Now, get rid of that thing,
then turn in, all of you.

"Shut up and turn in,
all of you."

Big man, big...

Hey, Al?

What?

I forgot to
take my shoes off.

Hey, Turk.

What?
He forgot to
take his shoes off.

Thank you.

You all right now?
I never sleep
with my shoes on.

All right, come on.
Let's go.

You can put it down now.

Okay, Turk.

Hey, Al?

What?

I forgot to brush my teeth.

Oh, do it in the morning.

I'm thirsty.

Drill a hole in
the side of the ship.

Where will I get
the tools?

Aw, lie still,
will you?

I think I'm gonna faint.
I gotta get up.

Hey, Turk.
What?

Melvin's gotta get up.

Why does he gotta get up?

He's sick.
We gotta take care of him.

We gotta a lot
of dough on him.

We've done everything
but sing him to sleep.

I like to be sung to sleep.

Okay, okay.
I'll do that, too.

♪ Today

♪ Tomorrow, forever ♪

What's going on here?
You were ordered
secured for the night.

Yes, sir.
Who was singing?

I was, sir.
Seaman Crowthers.

Report to me in
the mess compartment
in 10 minutes.

He didn't do it, sir.
It was me.

Do what you want with me.

Swing me to the yardarm,
batten me down the hatches,

hoist me to the mizzenmast,
make me walk the plank,

throw me to the sharks.

I did the singing.

You couldn't.

Crowthers reporting, sir.
Very well.

Hey, I only sent
for Crowthers.

Well, we wanted to take
the blame, too, sir.

I'm not blaming him
for anything.

As you know,
life aboard a submarine
can be pretty confining.

We like to keep
the morale up.

I thought he'd like to sing
with the boys here.

Oh, you mind if
the fellows sit in?No, carry on.

Thank you, sir.

Well, let's start
messin' around with something.

You know The Sailors' Polka?

Let's go.

♪ Come on and play the sailors' polka

♪ Make way for Navy blue

♪ Oh, how the girls
all love to polka

♪ With a sailor
who's tried and true

♪ Where there is music
and there's moonlight ♪

♪ The Navy knows what to do

♪ So come on and play
the sailors' polka

♪ Make way for Navy blue

♪ Oh, the band will
start in playin'

♪ When the fleet
comes sailin' in

♪ They'll be hip
hip hip hooray-in'

♪ And the good times
will begin

♪ They'll be gobs
and gobs of misses

♪ Who'll be
waitin' on the shore

♪ With gobs and gobs
of kisses

♪ For the gobs
that they adore

♪ Long before they
drop the anchor

♪ You will hear
the music start

♪ Every pretty girl
will hanker

♪ To win a sailor's heart

♪ Yeah, the band
will start in playin'

♪ And the dancin' will begin

♪ When the fleet
comes sailing in

♪ Come on and play
the sailors' polka

♪ Make way for Navy blue

♪ Oh, how the girls
all love to polka

♪ With a sailor
who's tried and true

♪ Where there is music And there's moonlight

♪ The Navy knows what to do

♪ So come on and play
the sailors' polka

♪ Make way
for Navy blue

♪ Make way for Na...

Submerge, submerge.

♪ ...vy

Scrape the bottom.

♪ Blue ♪

Uh, Clark, go forward
and relieve the watch.

Aye, aye, Chief.

Hey, Jones,
take these wheels, will you?

Chief, the hydraulic line
carried away.

Come on down
and give me a lift.

Okay.

I wonder which one
is the brake.

Take the scope.
I'll see what's
goin' on down there.

What are you, a wise guy?

You ought to be
shot out of a torpedo.

He ought to be shot, period.

I didn't mean to do nothin'.
Knock it off.

Jones, you've caused
more trouble

in the few days
you've been on my ship

than I've had in all
my years of service.

Nobody's perfect.

Lardoski, will you see
that he's kept
out of mischief

until we reach Pearl Harbor?
Aye, aye, sir.

I know a very nice,
quiet, safe place

to put you for
the rest of this voyage.

Come on!

This is the Captain speaking
to all you new men.

We're going to
make a dive shortly.

This is a normal operation.

You'll hear two blasts
on the diving alarm,

and in about 50
seconds we'll be under.

Clear the bridge,
clear the bridge.

Dive, dive.

Green board,
pressure in the boat, sir.

Very well, 60 feet.

60 feet. Aye, aye, sir.

Al! Al!

Hey, down there,
if you can hear me,
yell "Roger!"

What is it, Captain?
I don't know. You look.

If you can't hear me,
can you see me?

Over. Roger.

What do you figure it is?

I've got no idea, sir.

I... It's Melvin.
Melvin Jones.

Let's see.

Bye, seagull.

Pete, take a look at this.

D'you make it out?

Can't make it out, Captain.

Let's wipe it off.

Still there, sir.

Well, let's see.

Al! Al!

Take a look at this.

Looks like
a sea monster to me,
Captain.

Sea monster? What?

I've never seen
anything like it before.

Make all preparations
to surface. Two main engines.

Standby to surface.
Two main engines.
Aye, aye, sir.

Hey, you, there!
Get down here.

Who is that man?

This is a fine way
to treat a guest.

What's that character
doin' up there?

That character,
sir, is Melvin Jones.

Hey, you, get down here!

I'm hurryin'.

I'm comin'
as fast as I can.

You, Jones,
what were you doing on deck?

You closed the doors.

I can't swim.
I could've drowned.

Didn't you hear the order
to clear the bridge and dive?

Dive? I just told you
I can't swim.

Lay below.

Through the hatch.

Aye, aye, sir.

Liberty
commences immediately.

Expires on board
at 0745 tomorrow.

Leave your quarters.

Honolulu!

Come on, let's go.

Pearl Harbor.

Corinne.

Oh, you lucky women.

Oh, you catchin' cold?

No, I think
there's girls on shore.

You mean
you can smell 'em?

No, he's used to that.
Every time women are around,

that's what happens to him.

He has that female radar
built right in his nose.

And when it clogs,
it means girls.

Dames.

Women.

Now, put me down,
fellas, please.

Hey, Al, tell 'em
to put me down!

Aw, fellas,
please put me down.

Come on, fellas,
will you put me down?

He's allergic
to dames, lady.

We're usin' him
like radar.

Yeah, they must be in here.

Look, his eyes
are gettin' watery.

I can't breathe.

Put me down,
I can't breathe.

That means we're warm.
Comin' in, Lardoski?

You can say that
again, mate.

And I'll point out
Corinne.

You don't have to.
I saw the picture.

Hilda!

Don't you "Hilda" me.

I'm even sorry we
have the same name.

Let me down, fellas.
Are you stationed here?

No, I'm living here
for the 10 glorious days

I won on the Tempting Kiss
Lipstick contest.

The Navy granted me
a leave.

Lady, stay away from him,
will you, please?

He's concentratin'
on only one dame.

Don't worry, sailor,
I'll stay away from him,

as far as I can get.

Hilda, please.

Save your strength, Romeo.

Aw, Hilda.

All right. Come on.
Let's go inside.

Aw, let me down, fellas.

Hilda!

Hilda.

♪ Merci beaucoup

♪ Thank you, monsieur

♪ Thank you

♪ The cocktails you served
were really so grand

♪ And my heart skipped a beat when you touched my hand

♪ As you served me the

♪ Caviar

♪ And that delightful cheese

♪ It was so nice

♪ Merci beaucoup

♪ Thank you, monsieur

♪ Thank you

♪ I'm afraid that the wine
It went to my head

♪ But I got such a

♪ Thrill ♪

There she is.

What a piece of furniture.

Wow!

I ain't never seen
anything like that
except in pictures.

Gee, I wonder how that dress
would look on Hilda.

Come on, let's go to the bar.
Come on.

♪ It was so nice

♪ Thank you, monsieur

♪ Thank you ♪

A bourbon and water,
please.

I'll have a Scotch
and water.

Right, sir.

I thought you
were out of the Navy,
Lardoski.

Oh, I shipped over.

Where did Corinne go?

She'll be back soon.
Are you still tryin'?

Uh! Isn't everybody?
They sure are.

My singer quit me
last week on account
of she wouldn't date him.

I didn't understand it.

She used to get dreamy-eyed
every time he'd
sing like this.

♪ Moonlight becomes you ♪

Oh, you mean,

♪ Moonlight becomes you ♪

Say, my patrons would
enjoy having a serviceman
entertain 'em.

Oh, I'm not interested.

A little number in
front of the band?

And anything the boys want
is on the house.

Oh, that's different!

Melvin,
you're stayin' with me.

I want to find Hilda.

You're stayin' with me

if you have to
stand next to me
while I sing the song.

Oh, Al, no. Al.

What was the name?
Al Crowthers.

Ladies and gentlemen,
we're very fortunate

in having a guest artist,

Seaman Al Crowthers,
United States Navy.

All right, Melvin,
you're gonna do
a song with me.

I don't know no song.

Sure, the one we
did in the submarine?

Oh, yeah,
I like that number.

The Sailors' Polka.
Yeah, what do I do in it?

You do the fast part.
How's it go?

♪ Oh, the band will start in playin'

♪ And the good times will begin

Oh, that's good.
What part do you sing?

The slow part.

♪ Come on and play the sailors' polka

Oh, let's try it.

♪ Come on and play the sailors' polka ♪ Oh, the band will start in

♪ Playing

Mel.

You're probably wonderin'
why I stopped.

You forgot the words?

Come on, Melvin,
do the fast parts.

♪ Oh, the band will start in playin'

♪ And the good times will begin

I got it now.
Hurry up before I forget.

♪ Come on and play the sailors'...

♪ Oh, the band will
start in playing

Shut up!

What's wrong with you?

You got the easy part,
that's what's wrong.

You want to switch parts?

Yeah, let me do
your part.

Okay.

♪ Come on and play
♪ Oh, the bells will start a-playin'

♪ the sailors' polka
♪ And the good times will begin

♪ I see birdies
with wheels so bare

"See birdies with
wheels so bare"?

Oh, you, too?
Will you get out of here?

Well, I didn't
know the words,
so I made them up.

I don't like
that song, anyhow.

How would you
like to do a song
in unison?

No, let's do it
here in the club.

Sure. Why leave?

Let's make it
a little harder.

You and I do a trio.

Where we gonna
get four guys?

Look, in this next number,
you don't even have
to know the song.

You don't even have to sing.

Oh, we're gonna do
another one together both?

"Together both"?
That's as bad as,
"Up the street, the soldiers,

"they're marchin' down."

Now, come on,
let's sing the song.

You just
automatically flow
right into it.

All right, let's flow.
Okay.

♪ My grandpa was
a minstrel man

♪ A minstrel man was he

♪ And to tell the truth

♪ I guess I've got

♪ Some minstrel blood in me

♪ You can have all
the harps in heaven

♪ Blow all the horns here on the ground

♪ But I find I still

♪ Get my greatest thrill

♪ Every time
I hear this sound

♪ I love to hear

♪ An old calliope

♪ I love the melody of an old calliope ♪

♪ And when you hear

♪ The thrillin' harmony

♪ Gather round
The minstrel's show's
in town

♪ It sounds so grand

♪ That old calliope

♪ What is more heavenly

♪ Than an old calliope

♪ Here comes the band

♪ Oh, what a sight to see

♪ Gather round The minstrel's show's in town

♪ Banjos strummin'

♪ Folks are hummin'

♪ Minstrel's comin'

♪ What a show
What a show

♪ It's the finest show I know

♪ It's comin' near

♪ It's comin' near,
it's comin' near

♪ That old calliope

What a sight to see!

♪ Oh, what a melody

What a melody!

♪ On the old calliope

Old calliope!

♪ So loud and clear

♪ That thrillin' harmony

♪ Gather round

♪ The minstrel's show's
in town

♪ There's the interlocutor

♪ And Mr. Bones so full of life

♪ Who's that lady you were with last night?

That was no lady,
that was my wife!

♪ Ha, ha
♪ Ha, ha

♪ Ho, ho
♪ Ho, ho

♪ What a show, what a show
what a show

♪ Says the interlocutor

♪ To Mr. Bones so full of pride

♪ Why does a chicken cross the road?

Why, to get to that
other side!

♪ I love to hear

♪ An old calliope

♪ I love the melody

♪ Of an old calliope

♪ And when you hear

♪ That thrillin' harmony

♪ Gather round

♪ The minstrel's show's
in town ♪

We're going to
take you with us
wherever we go.

With that voice of yours,
we'll get free drinks
all over the world.

Okay.
What'll you have?

Uh, ginger ale.
Then...
Then I wanna go home.

I don't think
Corinne's gonna show up.

There she blows.

Who's the tugboat
with her?

Oh, that's her secretary.

Her first line of defense.

Wow.

Hold fast.

Here's to Corinne.

Here's to Hilda.

To dames.

Women.

Hello, Corinne, baby.

Remember me?

Miss Calvet to you.

Now go away,
sailor, will you?

Oh, just testin'.
Same old Corinne.

All right, come on, champ.
Now you can do it.

Yeah, she can't resist you.

I want Hilda.

After all the dough
we've got on you?

Go on, lover boy,
take a crack at
Miss Hard-to-get.

And keep an eye on him,

because pretty soon
everything on him
belongs to me.

I wish everything on me
belonged to somebody.

The way I'm tickin',
my heart could stop

and I wouldn't know it
for two days.

You ready, Melvin?
No, I'm scared.

Ah, come on,
there's nothin'
to worry about.

Come on, Melvin.

Come on.

All right.

Atta boy.

-Good luck, Melvin.
-You can do it.

Watch this.

Hi, girls.

Don't say a word.
Maybe they'll go away.

Sit down, Melvin.
Thank you.

Oh, pardon me,
but my name is Melvin Jones.

Would you like
a sarsaparilla?

You sure he's a sailor?

Oh, sure.
He's a wonderful guy
once you get to know him.

We won't be around
that long.

Let's you and I dance.

Oh, I'd love...

Miss Calvet and I have
an agreement
with the management.

We can't mingle
with the guests,
especially sailors.

Well, we only have
an hour.

What can happen
in an hour?

Now I'm not sure
you're a sailor.

Go ahead.
This one looks safe.

I don't feel safe.

Do you have a light?

Oh, I don't smoke.

Do you mind if I do?

Oh, yes, I do.

You see, the smoke irritates
the membranes in my nose.

Then my uvula becomes
edematous and...

Why don't you speak English?

Oh, I am.
That means I can't breathe.

Well, I'm starting
to feel that way, too.

Oh. You know,
I wanted to say that...

Well...
Sailor, I don't know

what you and your
friend have in mind,

but please count me
out of it, will you?

I think I better leave.

I'm sorry.

You're not bad at all.

You're the quiet type,
aren't you?

Not the wolf type.

May I walk with you?

Now, you see,
why did you have
to spoil everything?

Just like the other sailors.

My answer is
the same to everyone.

No.

Hello, Corinne.

How about me taking you
to the base gym tonight

to see the Navy
Relief Smoker?

Sailor, I'd love to,
but this is
a public appearance,

not a private one.

Yeah, and excuse me,
sir, I'm with her.

Oh, go pick a coconut,
sailor.

Oh, no, I have
an appointment with her.

Well, I just cancelled it.

What do you mean
by bargin' in
when I'm talkin' to a lady?

Shove off before
I belt you where you breathe!

Take your hand off me.
You're wrinklin' this suit.

Now, stop, both of you!

You coward,
hidin' behind a lady.

Why, you!
All right,
men, that's enough.

There'll be no
brawling in public.

What seems to be
the trouble, Melvin?

No trouble, Al.

It's a good thing
you came along, Lieutenant.

I'd have smashed him.

I'm Lieutenant Conners,
Base Recreation Officer.

There's no use
wasting a good fight.

You fellas can
settle your score
at the base gym tonight.

I'd have given him
the old one-two, Al.

Three, four,
seven, eight, nine.

The base gym?

The fights start
at 8:00.

And you better be there
promptly, too, buddy.

And if I ain't there,
start without me.

Ah, come on, Melvin.

Well, he started it, Al.
I would've given him a shot...

Why'd you put
the bandage on my hands

before you put
the gloves on?

So when you hit him,
you won't break
your knuckles.

Why don't you put
some on my shoes

so I won't wear 'em out
from running away from him?

Now, look, Melvin,
half the fights are won
in the locker room.

You got to wage
psychological warfare.

What?

He's just as
scared as you are.

Act like this is
nothing to you.

Make him believe
you've been a fighter
all your life.

Then he'll be so scared
that when you lift your arm,

he'll fall right down.

Yeah?

I wouldn't let
anything happen to you,
would I?

We'll soon find out.

Put on the act right now.
Go ahead.

Listen, Melvin,
how long you been fightin'?

Oh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh...

I been fightin' now
for about sisteen years.

Sisteen?
Yeah.

Oh, it's about
sisteen years.

Sisteen.
What do you mean?

Sisteen.
14, 15, sisteen.Sisteen.

Oh, sure. How many...
How many fights have you
had altogether?

Oh, uh, uh, uh, uh...

Altogether now,
when you add 'em up,
I had, uh,

101 fights.
One-hundred and one.Yeah.

I win 'em all
but a hundred.

Oh, good.

Where, uh, uh...
Let's see, where are you
from originally?

Oh, I moved.
You moved?

Yeah. Originally I come from
Newark, New Jersey.

That's my hometown.

And I started fightin' there,
I was just a kid.

I think I was...
How old were you?

Oh, about sisteen years old.
Sisteen?

Like before 14,15, sisteen.
Sisteen. Yeah, sure.

Well, who was
your toughest fight?

Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh...

The toughest fight I had was
with Gene Tierney.

That was the toughest fight.
Gene Tierney.

You mean Gene Tunney.

You fight who you want,
I fight who I want.

Oh, yeah, I got it.

Listen, uh, uh, uh, uh...

You know, there are...
There are a lot of different

types of fighters
in here, right?

There're body punchers
and left hookers.

What are you, a boxer?

No, I'm a cocker spaniel.
What do you think I am?

Sure, I'm a boxer.
I'm a very,
very crowd-pleasin' boxer.

Crowd pleasing?

Crowd-pleasin'.
I was fighting about
two and a half months ago

at the Howwood Wegion
in California.Howwood Wegion?

The Howwood Wegion.
Howwood Wegion.

The Hollywood Legion
in California.California! Oh.

I'm fightin' there.

I'm sittin' in
my dressin' room,
minding my own business.

A guy came
backstage and says to me.
He says to me,

"Kid, I'll give you
a tousand dollars
if you do..."

No, he said he'd give you
a thousand dollars.

He said he'd give
me a tousand dollars.

A thousand dollars.

Oh, you know him?
No, I don't know him.

Oh, well, he offered me
a tousand dollars. I said...

Thousand dollars,
he offered you.

Tousand dollars.
Thousand.

Tou.
T-H-O-U-S-A-N-D. Thousand.

Thou, thou, thousand.

Thousand.
Tousand dollars.

Thousand.
Kid, this is tough.

It was 10 hundred dollars.
10 hundred dollars!

Ten hundred dollars,
I said,

"What I gotta do
for this money?"

He said,
"I'll give you the money

"if you'll lay down
in Round two."

Well, I had turned
it down, naturally,

because I never went
that distance before.

Oh, yes,
it's a long way to go.

Hey, that guy's
a professional.

Gee whiz,
I can't fight
a professional.

Why, that wouldn't be fair.
He's ring-wise.

Say, come on in
to the other dressin' room.

I got an idea.

Good.
I tell you one thing, though,

the best fight I ever
had in my whole life
was three years ago

in Por Orga.
Where?

In Por Orga.
Por Orga?

I was... Por Orga.
Por Orga.

Por Orga! Por Orga!

Oh, Portland, Oregon.

That wasn't so
hard now, was it?

No, it wasn't hard.

Well, I got in
the ring with that guy.

I don't forget
that night, boy.

I get the guy.
I get one, two, three, four.

And I thought I had
him down that time
and I hit him a shot.

Melvin!

Hey! They've gone.

Oh. Oh, what am I
gonna do, Al?

Don't worry about it.

Look, I'm gonna
teach you what to do.

Yeah, because I don't know.

No, I'm gonna
teach you to fight
in about a few seconds.

Come over here.
We'll pretend that this is
the squared circle. Right?

Yeah, yeah, what do I do?
Always protect yourself.

Put your guard up like that.
Put up your guard.

Yeah.
Right, put this up. Right.

Now, I hit you
in the stomach.

Why? Why?

Well, you hit me.

Why?
'Cause it wasn't protected.

Always protect your stomach.

Now watch. Put up...

Hit you on the head.
Why? Why?

It wasn't protected.

You gotta protect
it at the same time.

Up, down. Up, down. Protect.

Up, one. Watch.

The head, head.
Stomach, stomach.

Head, stomach.

Gotta watch yourself
all the time, see?

Watch what you're doing.

Oh, that's good.
Understand?

Yeah.
Now, any other questions?

Yeah, well, what happens
if, uh, if we're in the ring

and he hugs me?

He doesn't hug you.
That's a clinch.

Yeah?
Like this, watch.

Now,
we're gonna watch this hand.

Look, watch that hand.

Yeah, I'm watchin' it.

No, protect it,
not watch it.

Protect yourself
with this other hand, here,

and he'll hit
you in the stomach
like that.

Oh, I see. Yeah.
Always protect yourself
at all times.

Well, what happens
when this happens?
I hit him? What'll he do?

He does this!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

I didn't even hit you.

'Cause you like me?

Come on,
let's go in the ring.

I know what to do now, Al.
You sure?

Yeah.
Come on.

You let me know how
the fight turns out.

Come on.

Good luck, Melvin.

Boy, is this gonna be
a slaughter.

Come on, let's go, Melvin.

Get in through here.

Oh, I'm sorry, kid.
Come on, get up.

What for?
I'll be back down
here in a minute.

Aw, he hasn't got
a chance against us.

We'll lick him.
We'll murder him.

Gee, I wish we had this fight
in the hospital

so I could be
nearer the medicine.

Oh, look!

That's not the guy
I was supposed to fight.

Well, maybe
the other guy
didn't feel good.

I don't feel good, either.

Oh, Melvin, after all,

if it wasn't all right,
he wouldn't be in there.

They have rules, you know.

Everybody makes rules
how I should get beat up.

The next bout presenting
four rounds of boxing.

In this corner at
137 and a quarter,
Melvin Jones!

And his opponent
in this corner
at 175 pounds,

Killer Jackson!

You weren't the guy
that was mad at me.

That was me kid brother.

We heard you was a pro,
so I'm substituting.

That's enough talk, boys.

Now, I want a good,
clean fight.

Anyone knocked down,
I want you to go
to a neutral corner.

No rabbit punches,
no hittin' below the belt.

And keep your thumbs in.

Shake hands now,
go to your corners

and come out fighting.

Remember,
we're gonna give him
everything we got.

What's that for?

He said no
hittin' below the belt.

Come on, put that back in.

Now remember,
we're going to give him
the old one-two.

Open your mouth.
What's that for?

That's so if he hits us,
he won't knock our teeth out.

Knock our teeth out.

Look at that.

One, two,

three, four, five.

I wasn't ready.

Ooh, Melvin, get up!

Three, four, five, six...

Foul, foul.

Let's go, Jones.
Where we goin'?

Quit stalling and
get in and mix it up.

Foul.
Quit stalling.

Get in and mix it up.

Foul!

Melvin, wake up here.
Wake up.

It's so nice here.

Just the two of us
in the moonlight.

All alone.

And by the ocean.

Come on. There,
we'll get him this time.

Get up here and fight!

I have my own strategy.

Go on in that corner.

One, two, three, four.

Come on, Melvin!
Five.

Get up.
Get up off the floor, Melvin.

Melvin, get up!

Look, Melvin, get up
off the floor!

Come on, Melvin, let's go.

One,

two, three, four, five,

six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Oh, I didn't mean to do it.

Atta boy, atta boy, Melvin.

I hope he's not mad at me.

Oh, I thought
for a while he had us,

but we took care of him.

Come on, let's get
in the dressing room.

Come on, Melvin.

Watch your step here now.

Watch it.

How do you feel?

I could go
another 10 rounds.

Atta boy.
How about that fight, huh?

How do you like that?

Hey, maybe I'd better
go in and check

and see what
lover boy is doing.

Okay.

But don't go too far
with those bets.Don't worry.

Hey, what gives?
I thought this thing
was in the bag.

Oh, it was just tough luck.

I thought
the Killer was gonna
take care of him.

But now,
it's up to you guys

to see that he doesn't
get to the party
to see Corinne.

After all, you guys got dough
bet on him, too, you know.

Sure, but what're
we gonna do about it?

Just keep him
out of circulation.

How?

Figure it out for yourselves.

These ain't Red Cross
armbands, you know.

Okay.

Come on, Melvin,
we still have two hours
to win that bet.

Hey, Melvin.

Some SPs are
trying to keep you
from getting to that luau.

How do you know?
Lardoski talked 'em into it.

Let's get to the beach.
Corinne'll be there.

Come on,
it's our only chance.Not that way, Al.

They're waitin' outside.

Then how am I
gonna get out of here?

Oh, no, fellas.

Oh, come on, Melvin,
we haven't got much time.

Well, they're gonna
recognize me like this.

We'll figure out something
so they won't recognize you.

Upsy Daisy, that's it.

Look at that
bunch of wolves.

And I want to
get thrown to 'em.

Oh, now, wait a minute.

Remember what I told you
about sailors?

I remember.

Why do you think
I wanna get thrown to 'em?

♪ Never before

♪ Has my heart felt
a thrill like this

♪ Never before

♪ Never before

♪ Never before

♪ Has the whole world
stood still like this

♪ As I gaze at the face

♪ I simply adore

♪ After today

♪ When they speak
about paradise

♪ I'll smile and I'll say

♪ I've been there

♪ Once or twice

♪ For this is that
once in a lifetime

♪ The miracle of your kiss

♪ I've never loved like this

♪ Never before ♪

His singing
kind of gets you.
I mean...

I know what you mean.
It gets me, too.

I like him when he sings.

Were you listening?

It was nice.

I hope you didn't
think I was rude
in the Mango Room.

Oh, I can easily
forget all about it

if you'll take
a stroll with me
down along the beach.

I thought this was
a public appearance.

It is. He's my public.

I don't see
why the chief
needs so many men

just to catch
one poor guy.

Neither do I.

Drop us off here, fella.

Drop off, very quick.
Chop, chop.

I'm glad I changed my mind.

You mean about
hating sailors?

Well, you can't blame a girl
for being cautious.

After all,
how do I know when...

When you're in love?

Now, wait a minute.
I didn't say that.

Well, you shouldn't.

I ought to
bring it up first.

You see, a guy says,
"All my life I've been
waitin' for you."

The girl says, "You have?"
He says, "Yeah."

Before you know it,
you're in love.

And I know,
because all my life

I've been waitin'
for someone like you.

You have?

Stop. Don't kiss him.
Don't kiss him.

Why?

I just heard tonight
there's a bet on

that a certain
sailor will kiss you,

and half the fleet's
in on it.

Who could resist
kissin' you?

I'm so sorry.

You almost won
a lot of money for
your sailor friends.

Kissing me?
Now, wait a minute.

Too bad,
you are just like
the rest of them.

Corinne, look...

Stay out of my way,
will you?

That's for all you men.

Very quick, very quick.
Chop, chop.

Aloha.
Same to you.

Have you seen
anything of Jones?Nope.

Nobody went by me
but one of them
Hawaiian dancers.

Which one?

That one.

It's Melvin.

That's Melvin.

That's Jones.

Shore patrol, shore patrol!
Come on.

Run for it!
They can't catch us.

Come on, run!

We can run faster than that.

Run, Melvin, run!
Atta boy! Run!

Leave me alone.

Stop it. All of you.

Aren't you
ashamed of yourselves

running after
this little boy?

Leave him alone.
But he was

out of uniform and
disturbin' the peace.

He was entertaining
the guests.

This is a party.

Are you hurt, little boy?

She kissed me!
I won the bet!

I won the bet!
Sure.

You mean
it wasn't Al?

No, they were betting
I could kiss you.

Oh, you don't know
how glad I am.

I could really kiss you
for telling me this.

Then what're you
waiting for?

All right.

Yay, Melvin!

Hey.

Oh, we won the bet, Al!

We won.

Gee, when you kiss me,
I like it.

The other girls
inflame my uvula.

Hurry it up, men.
We're shovin' off.

Look, honey,
we can't hold up the Navy.

Wait a minute, Al.

That'll hold you
for four years.
So long, sugar.

Why, you no-good two-timer.

That's the same thing
you told me.

Uh-oh. Hey, Mel!
Come on, Melvin.

Go!

Hey, it's Hetty Button.

Melvin, you're just
like all the others.

I'll teach you.
Double-crossing me.

Mother told me
to beware of sailors.